Scarlet Rose Chapter 64, a candy candy fanfic

Chapter 64

"My dearest Mrs Pony,

I hope my letter finds you and Sister Maria being fine in health and spirits.

It's been a while since I wrote you a letter last, but I had been so busy the past few weeks, I had hardly any quiet time to sit down to write my news to you. I know it doesn't sound like a solid excuse but believe me when I say that the life in London during the summer months is as hectic as a hospital is during the winters in Chicago.

It must be the prolonged daylight, or the the generous sunshine, the splendid nature having bloomed and looking magnificent in the parks of London, but Londoners really are like different people during the summer. There is a lot of partying and a lot of drinking, there is even bathing at the sea at various resorts close by like Brighton.

All that sounds amazing and for an American country girl from Indiana...well I had my head spinning several times. I did have a good time my dearest Mrs Pony. Archie is here too, taking care of the Ardley business and I couldn't be happier to have him here too.

The painting expedition of my friend Christian Blake, remember I had mentioned him before? It was so very successful!

Also, something I hadn't mentioned in my previous letters. I met with Terry...

As you can imagine my surprise was beyond enormous and so was his. He looks really great and in terms of his career, his reputation as a fine actor has taken off. In fact they came with the troupe here in London to play Hamlet and although he was the understudy of none other than the great thespian John Barrymore, there was one particular night that Terry played Hamlet and we were extremely lucky to watch him. Oh! I cannot begin to tell you what I felt that night and how very proud I was for Terry having reached where he is now in terms of his dream.

The play comes to an end in a couple of weeks' time so the troupe will return in New York. Christian's expedition also wrapped up and even we're in the middle of summer, for me it feels like autumn is around the corner.

I know I left to find myself and find that elusive happiness I've been searching for and though on the surface it looked like I succeeded to a significant degree, I'm missing you and Sister Maria, our home and the kids, all of you I'm missing terribly.

And tell me how can I miss your berry pies? Without them can autumn be the same? So I'm sending you this letter which don't contain many pages but it's heavy with my nostalgic heart.

Give to Maria and the kids warm hugs and plant their red cheeks with kisses enough to have a garden growing.

With all the love my heart can hold
Your daughter
Candy"

She stopped writing. Her eyes scanned the letter she had just written. Could bring in her mind both Mrs Pony and Sister Maria, the kids...the house, the fenced yard. Father tree up the hill.

It was only mid-July but soon they'd be able to smell autumn in the air. The moist, fresh breeze, the smell of the ripe earth. Flowers having turned into fruits. And the leaves from the soft wrinkled first leaves of the spring having grown into resilient magnificent canopies full of life. Nests of singing birds, squirrels on the lookout for nuts, butterflies having left their worm skins behind, the buzzing of the bees next to her ears while up on her favourite tree branch she would sit on to watch the sunset...

The sunset...

She shut her eyes hard, keeping the tears back. The pull from Pony's home was getting stronger by the day. Her sanctuary. The one place she could re-calibrate herself and her life.

Archie had warned her though. She shouldn't run. She shouldn't give in to the easiest of options. At least not for now. Half of her was thinking if there was any point staying there. She was in physical pain, with her body having tensed, as if the decision of what to do with her life lied within her muscles.

She gritted her teeth. Folded the letter and put it in the envelope, addressed to Pony's Home.

She got up. The weather outside the window matched her mood. Grey skies above her. She would go to the post office. Walk a little, take some fresh air. She had been inside since Sunday morning. Two full days now.

Archie had left her alone with her thoughts. There was not one thought that stayed for long in her mind though. Every single one of them would reach dead end after a while. All involved Terry and Christian. The two sides of the same coin. How could it be possible, out of all the men in London, she would stumble and fall onto the one who happened to be Terry's thought dead twin brother? She wanted to scream. Her stomach twisted and turned. She had to stop. The fact she was privy to such a monumental secret was consuming her from the inside.

Her worry for Christian having disappeared was great and Terry...

Nothing was simple with Terry. From the moment he showed up in the Gallery, he had been this black box. He had been a true gentleman, mature and caring and then he... he... the kiss

Was it that first kiss that had changed everything?

Damn it, it was just one kiss.

A kiss that had changed everything, she had to admit it.

He seemed jealous but at the same time in pursue of Marion. Other times he looked at her as if he wanted to murder her and other times, there was light in his eyes, and a smile... his smile.

Could a smile carry magic?

There was a smile of his, she'd like to think selfishly he had only for her, a special kind of smile that could close all reality behind her and the world would be right and just, because he was next to her.

She gulped to the thought. That man must had been some sorcerer's talisman. He affected her even if he was away, even if had behaved the way he did only a couple of days ago...

He thought of her cheap, a loose woman, with no shame, caring not to wonder why she was there, why she had changed so much, why she was Rose, why she had thrown Candy away. He pushed her and pushed her to admit she had feelings for him when he never really had revealed much about himself.

Had he said he loved her? Three words, the ones that mattered, he never had said them. What was she to think? He came out of the blue and back into her life ten years after, telling her he wanted her all for himself, not sharing her with anyone. All the while criticising her of her decisions, and at the same time playing openly with other women in front of her.

She wasn't irrational. Once Susanna passed away, she knew the chances were slim she would ever hear from him, just as hard it was for her to even think of writing to him. Where do you pick up a relationship that was cut so harshly? Can you glue back to a body a limp you had chopped off with an axe in one swoop?

They could have taken things slowly. Get to know each other from the start. Find out about each other as adults, not like some kids fresh out of college. What if Terry was chasing some unrequited love, a dream, a fantasy which simply had vanished into thin air within ten years apart?

She certainly wasn't a fantasy. Nor did she want to be one. She was a real woman, with flesh and bones, with strengths and flaws, inhibitions and desires in equal measure, an imperfect being trying to live life to the best of her abilities while caring for the ones she loved.

And she loved him...

Therein lied the difference between them. She loved Terry but not for the wounded rebel he had once been, the tortured youth with the noble heart.

That Terry would always have a special place in her heart.

But during the time he was in London, she had fallen in love with the man Terry had become. His quiet confidence, the dignified modesty in his gestures, his warmth, the way he treated everyone with respect and openness.

He had impressed her so much. She knew only too well, he couldn't have a worse start in his adult life and despite all that, he had carved for himself a good life, a life he had nothing to be ashamed for. He had cared for Susanna till the last day and even if they hadn't spoken about her, Candy was certain. He was by her side in body and mind till the end.

What did Terry love of her, if anything?

The way he acted, carried a contradiction. In the end she had come to the conclusion that Terry loved her ghost, the one that had left him standing on those hospital stairs. Whereas adult her left him confused, angry, critical... And yet he hadn't understood it was her in front of him, warts and all, with all her wounds, mistakes, desires, with her love for him included.

She put her shoes on. Combed her hair with her fingers in front of the mirror over the fire place. Archie was right. She looked awful, worn out. She hadn't slept well for days, she wasn't eating well either. She had shadows beneath her eyes, made the melancholy show more pronounced inside their green irises. She put on her raincoat, put the letter inside her bag and walked to the door.

"Rose my darling! Fancy such a divine coincidence!"

Candy pulled her face up as she was about to step out her house.

"Audrey?!" She cried out. "What are you doing here?"

She looked as radiant and full of beans as ever. Even in the gloom and the rain. She gave her a sparkling smile. "I'm here to see you, silly!"

Candy threw her a confused look.

"Hadn't heard from you sweetheart since my party on Saturday. I got worried given the excesses I introduced you on the night."

"Oh...that..." Candy replied, sounding deflated.

Audrey frowned given Candy's reaction. "Yes, that!" She reacted. "Tell me at least you had a good time..."

Candy didn't care at that moment of arguing with her. "Yes, yes I had!" She said while injecting some more enthusiasm in her voice.

They had kept standing at Candy's front door. "I'm on my way to post a letter..." She said.

"Marvellous!" Audrey said. "I'll drive you and we can treat ourselves to some tea and scones after. You'll need to tell me all about Saturday. Did it work out between you and your hunk actor?"

Terry was ready to leave for the theatre. Having spoken to Marion on the phone hadn't been easy. She was cold and distant and he actually had to plead with her to persuade her to come to the theatre. He wasn't surprised, he expected she would be like that. In fact, he actually was surprised she came to the phone. In the end, she had succumbed.

He put on his jacket, double checked the contents of the breast pocket ensuring he had what he needed. There was also a brown paper package he had put on the coffee table the night before. He took that one too and left.

Before exiting the hotel, he went to the reception. The concierge was standing behind the desk. Surpassing his quizzing stare, when he saw Terry stopping by, he pressed on with his request.

"Could I please ask for a favour?" Terry said with a business like voice.

"But of course Mr. Graham." The man said back to him.

"I have this package here that would like someone from the hotel to deliver it somewhere. Unfortunately I'll be occupied in the theatre so I won't have the time necessary..." He said and gave the man the mentioned package.

The concierge took it to his hands. "Don't mention it Mr. Graham, I'll send a hotel clerk." He looked at Terry who had already put his hand to the breast pocket.

"Together with this letter, if possible."

"Certainly sir. Where do you want this delivered?" He asked him.

"To this address please."

Candy White

17 Gloucester Crescent

Camden

"I can send someone around midday, if that is ok with you." The concierge said.

"That would be perfect." Terry replied. "Thank you very much for this. I'm much obliged."

"As I said Mr. Graham, do not mention it. I understand you are a busy man." He said and gave him a polite smile.

Terry smiled back. Before he knew it, he was at the theatre. Walking down the corridor with hurried steps. Marion would have been there in a short while and he wanted a few minutes to compose himself. He saw Robert's standing figure, looking towards his way and braced himself.

"Before you say anything boss, please let me tell you I feel fine and I believe I learned my lesson, having stared to these damn walls in that hospital room for hours on end, nearly drove me crazy." Terry said the moment Robert Hathaway saw him marching inside the theatre, having decided to take the offensive when he saw the flashes of anger and surprise lighting up his mentor's eyes.

"I assure you I will be much better here. Being on the theatre boards does wonders to my constitution." He continued with a wide smile, he had to prop up on his face, not letting his boss to say a word edgeways.

He passed by Robert, and continued with wide strides his marching towards the dressing room.

Smoke came out of Robert's ears. He turned and rushed behind Terry, shouting his name.

Terry stopped and turned. All that made-up lightness wiped off his face. "Can't you see I'm suffering? Let me stay here, I won't be a problem."

Robert's eyes opened up wide. He knitted his brows together. He threw one last glance to Terry who was standing there waiting for his response.

"Walk with me." He ordered him.

"Where to?" Terry asked him.

"But to the damn —is that how you call it? — dressing room."

Terry said nothing; he followed Robert. They entered the dressing room. The smell of the theatre costumes having soaked the sweat of Hamlet, night after night, mixed with dust, perfumes and stale tobacco hit him immediately.

Was there a more soothing smell than this?

Robert turned. "Ok, time to tell me what's happening..." He said straight away, feeling a bit freer in the privacy of the changing room to express his thoughts. "Tell me what is wrong. "

"Can you just let me be?" Terry reciprocated, having already regretted that momentary lapse of the facade he had put on. He really wanted just to have a quiet morning in the dressing room. That wasn't too much to ask.

"You said you're suffering!" Robert raised his voice. "And no, I won't let you be."

Terry sat down, took his cigarettes out. Where to start and tell Robert what? He had no idea and in all honesty, this whole situation between himself, Candy and Christian had been so bloody complicated, he'd need an entire day of talking and even then, he doubted Robert would get what it's like for someone to dream for ten years and have that dream trampled upon when you meet with that person from up close. Not to mention the worry. If Robert was worrying now, he'd be the one who would need hospitalisation to be treated for anxiety having heard how deeply Terry had been affected. Terry needed to gloss things over, prepare a toned down version of his troubles. He was also expecting a visit which reminded him, he had to wrap up this "chat" with Robert without too much delay.

"If I told you, it's about Candy, would you leave me alone?" He said when he took a drag from his freshly lit cigarette. It would have been great if he could accompany that with a shot of whiskey but he refrained.

"I knew it!" Robert exclaimed and paced in the room with his hands clasped behind his back.

"I tried to get close to her but it hasn't gone well, Robert" He added.

"Thus the meltdown and the fighting, the face..." Robert was putting the pieces together.

"I'm fine now, as I told you."

"Are you though Terry? I mean really? Hand on heart?"

Terry switched off for a brief couple of seconds.

Was he ok?

The smoke trailed upwards like a ghost of a ribbon. In the next twenty four hours he was to set off with Candy on a trip to the isle of Barra. For two weeks they would be just the two of them. Since Christian had asked him, he had pushed back that thought and hadn't even tried to acknowledge it up till that moment. He hadn't even decided whether he would do it or not. He had left the tickets, and the letter addressed to her on the bedside table, just before he had drifted off to sleep when he finally had returned back to his hotel suite. He felt goosebumps crawling up the nape of his neck.

Robert coughed. Terry fixed his eyes on him. "I do, I'm fine. There is a time that I have to throw the towel, I know that now, Robert."

"My boy, it is painful but sometimes that is how things go." Robert's eyes softened.

"I need to ask you a favour." Terry said, taking one last drag from his cigarette.

"Anything, tell me."

"I do hope John won't mind either, but since I cannot go on stage with a stitched up face, I'm not use to you much here." Terry said.

"I suppose it's not ideal, but we only have two more weeks to go, so it is not that tragic." Robert commented.

"I want to go away Robert. Have some time alone to think." Terry said and crossed his arms over his chest. Turned his eyes from the floor back to Robert's face. "I booked my ticket and I'm leaving tomorrow for Scotland."

Once again, Robert's face looked awashed with surprise.

"I'm sorry I'm telling you sort of last minute, but I was unsure too up till this morning." Terry added looking at the reaction on Robert's face.

"No, no. It's alright. It is a bit abrupt, I cannot deny this but... are you sure, Terry? Going away..."

"I am..." He said. "Don't worry, I'll be OK." Terry added with a dry smile. "I just need some distance."

Robert squeezed his chin with his thumb and forefinger, weighing Terry's plan in his mind. He was cautious to accept it, since he'd be so far away. He'd have no way to look out for him. Eleanor, she'd be worried not to have her usual brief report. Of course, the latter was done without Terry's knowledge. If he knew - and Terry suspected it already - but if he really knew... being watched like a toddler was Terry's pet peeve. He hated it. Plenty of times he had quarrelled with both his mother and Robert about them two meddling too much in his life.

Of course, he had a point. He was nearing thirty. He wasn't a small boy any longer. But Eleanor couldn't forgive herself, how she had abandoned him alone with a step mother who hated him, abused him, and a father who tried to forget about him. Just to compensate for her absence, Terry was certain, she'd mother him till he reached middle age.

Robert realised Terry's need. Even if a part of him didn't want to say yes, he nodded. "It is fine from me and the troupe, Terry."

"Great!" Terry exclaimed with a wide smile, feeling an obstacle almost having been lifted. He pulled the chain of his watch from his pocket. "Is there anything else, you want from me?" He asked him.

"No, no, Terry." He waved his hands.

"Then that's settled." Terry replied, looking relieved. "Thank you for understanding Robert."

Terry got up. "If you excuse me now, there is one more thing to settle before I go tomorrow."

A knock on the dressing room made both men turn their heads towards the door.

Robert acknowledged it, asking whoever it was to come in.

"Hello Marion..." Terry said in a polite but soft manner.

Ritz hotel, London

Audrey and Candy arrived at the grand dining room at the Ritz. The luxury evident in every single detail of the room as Candy observed and the people who were there, needless to say were from the very top echelons of society. Candy turned to Audrey.

"Table for two please." She said to the waiter who rushed to their sight, "And may we get a window table? Weather is rather drab to be sitting in the gloom." She remarked with a disapproving stare towards the free tables that were further away from the impressive bottom to ceiling windows.

"Certainly." The waiter said with a quick nod of his head and the typical smile, his eyes having quickly scanned Candy. "Follow me please."

He turned and started walking towards a table while Audrey and Candy followed behind.

"I am so underdressed Audrey!" Candy whispered just enough to be heard by her friend, having not failed to catch the condescending look the waiter gave her. She was wearing a white cotton peasant dress embroidered with red flowers while the waist was accentuated by a band of geometric shapes. It looked great on her, complimenting her tanned complexion beautifully but still, compared with the dress code in that dining room, she looked like a gypsy.

"You have no idea, Rose... You are like the flower within the prickly shrubs." Audrey said as the waiter pulled their chairs for them to sit down. "Honestly, you're so naive sometimes, darling."

Candy sat down, with an awkward smile on her face. Audrey had a unique way of telling what was on her mind but still she didn't know how to accept such compliments, especially when she never thought of being particularly special in any way. They ordered a big pot of earl grey and a selection of little cakes and sandwiches. Her stomach growled. She realised how little she had eaten since-

Was she prepared to start gossiping about Saturday?

Not so much, not at all really. What could she say to Audrey? She had brought her in her home, dressed her up, watered her with champagne aplenty, sniffed coke together till she felt her heart flying inside her chest, loving the entire world and for a while she was on top of mount Everest, drinking life by the bucket. Time raced around her as if she had been on a merry-go-round while her problems stared at her from the sides.

But when Terry came, she crashed and burned, messed up royally, he demanded, she got angry with him, he got angry with her and then... Apparently he had seen her being intimate with Christian. Would it matter if she'd told him, it was him she was fantasising about, when she felt Christian's lips on her body? She doubted it would make any difference.

She had put the happy girl face for now but soon she'd run out of things to chat about, and then-

"So, in any case Rose, who wants to know about boring Marge at the Good Samaritans, whether she married or not..." Audrey rolled her eyes before turning them back at Candy, once the tea had arrived and laughed. "I want to know what went down between you and tasty Terry."

Pleading wrinkles crossed Candy's forehead.

Audrey was having no please, don't make me, or no, I don't wanna... She puckered her lips, and like a child who's about to become privy to a naughty secret, came closer to Candy.

"Won't you share not even a tiny, weeny little something with your fairy god mother, Cinderella?" She teased her. Certainly her friend wasn't jumping up and down, eager to share. She poured tea to their cups. Watched her, adding a lump of sugar, stirring her tea with the same fervour a man lost at sea rows the boat. Her attitude was like day and night when she thought of Rose back at her bedroom on Saturday afternoon. How easy it was to open her heart the same way Audrey opened her wardrobe.

"Was happened with you and Marion, really, you girls baffle me..." She broke her friend's silence, sounding close to being frustrated. The sound of the spoon hitting the fine china stopped.

Candy pulled her eyes from her cup. "What happened with Marion?" She asked.

"Ah, she speaks!" Audrey mocked her.

Candy frowned. Her patience wasn't really her strong point, not with what she was going through. "You want to know, and I'll disappoint you Audrey. You put me in your best frocks and I may had looked a "doll" but I opened my mouth and said all the wrong things." Candy confessed having reached her limits. "I'll spare you the details, but I'm not holding my breath where Terry is concerned."

"Oh dear! That is unfortunate, darling. I thought it would turn out rather well between you and him, you know." Audrey said, and put her hand on Candy's arm.

"I don't know if this will mean anything to you but I spoke to Marion on the phone and apparently, she too has given up on Terry."

"What?" The surprised question came out her mouth even before she had the time to think of what she had heard. Her body tensed.

Audrey shrugged her shoulders. "I have no idea what happened. She wouldn't say. She just mentioned that they are just too different." She said while looking at Candy who practically hung from her friend's lips. She smiled.

"Looks like Terence Graham is quite the challenge..." She said in the end.

Candy didn't respond. She had nothing to say back. Even if indeed Marion and Terry weren't an item any longer,

if she had heard of this a couple of days earlier, perhaps it could have another meaning for her,

But now, it was useless. Candy hadn't really an appetite for tea and scones. She wanted to go back home. She tried to keep the rest of the conversation to general topics, feigned tiredness shortly after, and they left, cutting their tea short.

To the sight of the young woman, Robert excused himself, leaving Terry and Marion alone in the changing room. They both stayed standing, looking at each other without saying a word.

When she had heard his voice on the other side of the line, she hated the slight spark of excitement, the squeaking sound of happy she felt -

This man, whatever the mystery he carries, isn't worth the trouble

The other half of her was telling her. Terry's voice hadn't carried his usual boyish teasing tone, the flirting timber that made her giggle like a schoolgirl. He was measured, serious, humble even.

Said he wanted to see her

Explain

Only if it was ok with her

He saw the shock in her eyes, how unexpected it must had been to see him with all the bruises, the cuts. He cleared his throat, broke the silence. The regret he felt, fell like mist over the blue eyes of his.

She walked slowly, still looking at him. "Wha... what... who did this... how, where?" She stammered.

He followed her with his eyes. The room was of comfortable size but with him standing, it was as if he filled all the space. She looked nervous, and the guilt pinched him inside. He pushed his fingers through his hair, before resting both hands on his hips. "Please sit." He told her.

"I can see now why you wanted us to meet here." She told him and sat down to the chair opposite him, still looking dumbstruck withe the view. He preferred to stand, so he leaned instead on the dressing table.

"I was mugged..." He explained to her, offering the same excuse he gave to everyone else so far.

"God! Where?" She asked him.

"Does it matter?" He said back to her. "I needed to see you for another reason, please Marion, we can leave the state of my physical appearance as it is. The bruises will disappear. Some other things won't." He said.

"Before you say what you must, can I also say my piece?" She asked him. By the way Marion looked at Terry, he realised she must have been preparing her piece for a while.

Terry stopped. "Please..." He told her and gave her the go ahead with a move of his hand.

"You won't like what I want to say, Terry."

"I deserve what's coming Marion, so please, hold to nothing." He said. With his hands resting on his hips, half leaning on the table, he waited completely open to hear what he expected to hear from her.

"You're a psychopathic boor Terry." She came out with the first strike. Tensed her lips, her eyes sparkled with the anger Terry had given the permission to let out.

"You're a lying ruffian."

"A rude

cruel

pompous

ass"

She got up. The adjectives were flying in the air like the shards of a glass that hit the wall with speed. Paced up and down, with Terry's eyes attached to her continuous movement. She was getting red in the face.

"A dangerous predator."

"A drunken bully."

She was right. Terry didn't like what he was hearing one bit. Under other circumstances, he may have found the situation amusing. But in this case, she was right, and he deserved every single dark shadow with which she painted his profile. His brows were coming slowly closer together, while his stare was darkening with every full circle she was making around the room.

"I shouldn't even be here telling you all that. I should never speak to you again. But I wanted you to hear everything because I suspect no other woman had said anything of that sort to you before."

"I wouldn't put my hand on fire about that last one, Marion." He said with a low voice.

"Are you mocking me Terry?" She turned and looked at him.

"No, no, no! Far from it. Please are you done?" He replied in haste.

"I should have told my parents, but I imagined the scandal for the both of us..."

To the sound of her last words, Terry reacted. He stood upright.

An apology to be made

He had behaved a complete asshole with this woman and it pained him because she didn't deserve any of it. He had used her to get to Candy when in all probability he wouldn't be that much interested to her in the first place. Perhaps for a fleeting relationship, something shallow and fun, perhaps... But he had found long ago what he sought, or so he thought. The verdict was still out. Now it was out of his hands. He could remedy this situation, here with Marion. And then, perhaps

Perhaps

Never before a word of such uncertainty carried that much weight.

Perhaps...

"Wow...!" He exclaimed. Stood in front of her, stopping her incessant moving. Caught her by her shoulders. Let his blue stare dive into the depths of her eyes, letting the remorse naked and present for her to see.

"Sit down, please." He told her. She stopped and followed his order. "Are you done?" He asked.

Still while processing that stare of his, she only nodded. He took the free chair and brought it close. He sat down opposite her. With a steady stare onto her face, clear as the sky on a cloudless day, he apologised. His voice, warm, sincere, direct, not wanting to hide anything.

He had behaved in an appalling way. There was no excuse, he had none. Not even to plead temporary insanity, despite having turned into an insane person. He bared his heart, though keeping the reason hidden. There was no need to complicate things and he didn't want to put Candy into more problems with her friends.

He never asked for her forgiveness. He hadn't apologised for forgiveness.

They parted their ways on that day, after that apology. He should have acted differently. Now he knew. His heart belonged only to one woman. It was something he could not undo. Candy would have his heart, his soul and mind, everything he was, whether or not she wanted him. It was a bittersweet feeling. He already knew it though. He had lived with it, shadowing everything he did for the last ten years already.

When Marion finally left, he switched off the lights, leaving only the orange glow of a small lamp by the dressing table. He lied down on the recliner inside a room full of shadows. He closed his eyes. Let his thoughts of freckles and fields of green clover take over, sink himself into her world.

Would she had taken the package and the letter he had sent to her?

perhaps

He ached to see her. Even if it would be most difficult to do so.

On the morrow*

This was an apology he most feared. He only hoped, she's let him build the bridge he had severed recklessly only a couple of days ago.

(*tomorrow)

It had been about ten minutes Candy had returned back to her home. To the silence.

The news Audrey had given her, were unexpected to say the least. She had no idea what had happened between them. Marion had been besotted with Terry. She had chased him with every single opportunity that would arise. She had been most forward with him. Groped him, kissed him. Candy doubted that Terry had handled a girl like Marion before. On that Saturday night, they had come to the party with her hand into his and had behaved pretty much as a couple...

The doorbell didn't let her continue -

She opened the door to see a man in a hotel uniform, holding a package, standing in front of her.

"Miss Candy White?"

To the sound of her name, she froze. She lost her ability to speak.

Terry?

"Excuse me, miss." The man repeated.

Candy came back to her feet. "Yes, yes, I'm sorry, I've been elsewhere. I'm she -

Candy White, I mean." She said, fumbling with the words.

Despite the disjointed way she spoke, for the man, it was adequate. He passed the package.

"This is for you, miss." He said.

She took it to her hands, and looked at the man, as if he had been from outer space. His stare lit up. "Ah! And this letter too." He added and pulled it out of his pocket.

She took the letter with Terry's crisp elegant handwriting. Tried to hide her shaking. Turned her eyes back to the man.

"Thank you." She said and cleared the feelings from her voice. Like a tide that kept swelling, they threatened to overwhelm her. The man smiled and left her.

She closed the door and the time slowed down. Hypnotised as if she was, she walked to the living room. She opened the envelope. Inside there was another envelope, a travelled envelope and not so recent. Addressed to her but with Pony's home address. The post office stamp had been almost gone. She could just about make the date

March 1925

Her fingers trembled. Even before having opened the second envelope to pull out the letter, there was this dread coursing inside her. She started reading. A sob rose to her throat, tears blinded her sight and all became blurry.

Candy

How are you?

…it's been a year.

I have been planning on getting back in touch after the year passed but another six months passed because of my indecision

I have to tell you thin and finally put out this mailing.

I have not changed.

I do not know whether this letter will reach or not, I wanted to make sure that you knew that.

T. G.

She closed her eyes, shutting the tears out. Her throat ached while she breathed. So...he had tried to contact her after all...

March 1925

Just when she had met Christian, their first dates had been then. She brought her hand to her mouth. Could fate be that cruel...?

She stared at the package, hesitating to open it. When finally finding the courage to do so, she let a cry when she saw its contents.

She run like a maniac, cursing to hell and back with her every step, feeling her feet plunging into the fresh snow that covered the hill like pristine sparkling porcelain under the morning sun.

There! His footsteps...

She wanted to have wings at her feet and instead they weighted a ton each, including the fucking boots. She's desperate and angry, so angry that the tears in her face left their own steam behind their trail.

He had gone. Terry had visited Pony's Home and he had left. She missed him only by a fraction of time so little she could smell his presence on the hill. His ghost. His footsteps had stopped where she stood. She stepped inside them. Looked down at her feet, being small inside Terry's footprints.

She turned and looked down the hill, towards Pony's Home. He had looked down the same direction. The bell tower like a lighthouse with its white washed walls and the big stained glass window sparkled red and blue under the rays of the winter sun. The smoke from the wood burning stove snaking up towards the sky. The yard at the front where the kids had been playing, having drawn angels on the snow.

Her tears had dried by the cold breeze that had turned her cheeks into ripe peaches. Her breathing had calmed down in handfuls of steamed air leaving her lips. She breathed her anger out till a seed of happiness invaded her, bloomed into quiet euphoria inside her bloodstream. The tips of her fingers tingled.

Terry had been there...

He had crossed the land from New York all the way to Indiana, the moment he set foot to the continent.

Went into the trouble, despite the snow storm, the heavy winter to reach out, to find Pony's Home, her home, practically in the middle of nowhere. He stood at Pony's hill. The happiness grew, grew like a balloon, threatening to lift her off the ground. She cried out his name with all the strength of her lungs. A swarm of sparrows flew up on the sky.

The last of the day light was hanging in the horizon in the shape of a bright line. The eyelids of the world were shutting down. Inside the empty house, Candy hadn't left her place on the sofa where she had sat down. With Terry's letter between her fingers and Slim's painting of Pony's home propped up on the table opposite her. Kept staring at the painting till she couldn't see it any more.

This was a blow that had come our of nowhere. Had knocked her off her feet and pushed her sideways, turned her upside down, till she didn't know where she was or what she was doing. The words of his letter - she had read by now so many times -

I have not changed

Like a mantra kept turning inside her mind. In typical Terry style, without frills or words dressed up in troubadour's silk, he put the truth out there as naked as it could be, with the straightness of an arrow. Every single word had been stamped for ever in her.

Now she understood Terry. His actions and his attitude against her. How her insistence of showing him how much she changed came in such forceful collision with his statement in the letter.

He had not changed, he had kept everything inside him the same, he had locked all his feelings behind a door, ready to come out to the first opportunity. Susanna's death, even if it had been unexpected and painful, it had also been the key to that door. Candy could finally realise his hesitation for a year and a half, the struggle, to dare or not open the door. The moment he did, his hand was writing those few words. Each word carrying so much emotion, they lay heavy on the paper.

Where he had refused to change, she had decided she would. For her, eventually the decision hung to whether or not she had the strength to go on the way she did. Waking up and falling asleep with memories. Ghosts. There were no fairytales. She wasn't to be the sleeping princess on the tower waiting for the prince's kiss to wake up and take her with him on an enchanted life shared between the two of them.

When she left Pony's home behind, it was for her own selfish reasons. To finally look out for herself. She wasn't to look for love. She had enough of love. She had stopped believing in love. Love till that moment had been her undoing, a curse. She had hesitated to say the word again so much, she had fought against it, despite Christian having been hurt about it. What was wrong with just look for happiness? In the end, Christian had accepted her as she was till Terry showed up.

She tried with everything she had to keep Terry out, till in a desperate moment she confessed her love to Christian, in an effort to exorcise her feelings for Terry. Now, everything lay in ruins. Lives and feelings.

She heard the phone ringing and jumped out of the world she had sunk in. With numb moves, she reached the phone and picked it up. The familiar warm voice.

"Christian!" She cried.

"Rose...darling."

She asked him where he was, how he was. Her finger tips turning white on the receiver. She felt like crying.

He was well. Apologised for having hurt her.

"I miss you..." She heard him say and there was a pause.

"Christian?" She asked to make sure he was there.

"Rose, remember the trip tomorrow?" He said in the end.

"Christian, I need to talk to you." She blurted out. She had to talk to him. Another letter, another secret revealed. He had to know. In a haste, when she left, she had taken the letter with her.

"I need to see you too, sweetheart..." She heard him say.

"No I really mean, I need to talk to you Christian. Where are you?" She insisted.

"Tomorrow, meet me inside the dining car for the train to Glasgow. We leave at 9pm, you and I, Rose, ok? You and I."

"Christian..."

"We'll talk, love. A few days just for us."

"I need-"

"I'll be there waiting for you, Rose."

"to-"

"I love you."

Silence.

The line dead.

She repeated his name a few times. So she would have to travel to Glasgow with him. If that what she had to do to tell him about his parents. His brother...

King's Cross Train station

The gas lamps that hung over the train platform were already lit. Their yellow tinted light filtered through the smoke coming from the trains already being at the station. The train to Glasgow was there. Leaving the station at 9pm.

Quarter to nine

There was a fair amount of people on the platform. Candy looked around her. Through hugs and farewell kisses, she strived to find Christian. She clutched her small suitcase. She hadn't packed much. Not sure how long would they stay - not to mention her mental state.

Waited till the last minute to prepare and even then, it didn't register to her. All she wanted was to talk to Christian. She kept the letter inside her bag. She'd couldn't wait to give it to him. She'd then would say goodbye and leave the brothers be. She had no place between them. That was her decision and she would stick to it.

Archie may had been right to tell her not to run back to Pony's but this wasn't a run-of-the-mill obstacle she could surpass with thinking or talking through, acting on it. There was nothing she could do to solve this. Having received from Terry, Slim's painting of her home, was like a sign to her. She would return. But not to stay. More like to regroup, put the pieces back together. A task she had done so many times now... it had turned like second nature to her. However painful, however difficult. Start again, somewhere else. Go back to work. She had missed working. The long hospital corridors, smelling of disinfectant and iodine. The patients, she'd turn her love and the care to her profession, helping people heal.

Ten to nine

She entered the train. Tried to keep her worrying at bay. She had stayed at the platform as much as she could, her stare going through faces and people.

Just like another time in New York...

She entered the dining car. Some people already had sat down on various tables, glasses of wine full, bottles in ice bucket just uncorked.

The green clover fields within her eyes stirred and sparkled. She kept looking, growing more anxious by the minute. Sat down to a table. Ordered a glass of white wine. Took her jacket of her travelling suit off. Even with the white poplin shirt and her high waisted trousers, she felt warm. She undid the first couple of the buttons. Looked outside. More people were entering the train. The platform manager blew the whistle. She cupped the cheeks of her face, felt them hot to touch.

Five to nine

The waiter came with her glass of white wine. She smiled politely. Took her wallet out and paid him. With her eyes fixed at the carriage door, took a sip from the wine. It was refreshingly cool. She took the cigarettes out. Lit one. Any minute now. He had to show up. He just had to. She took a drag, blew the smoke out.

Second whistle. The doors of the train closed.

Nine o'clock

The wheels of the train went in motion. The train moved forward, leaving the platform behind. She took her eyes from the carriage door and brought her face so close to the window, she almost became glued to it. Scanned the platform they were leaving. A few people stood, waving goodbye.

She heard the carriage door opening behind her. She turned her head. There he was, standing. Scanning the carriage with his eyes, the most ancient colour of the world inside them. And then they stopped on her. Their stares met. The train accelerated, left the station behind, while he was closing the distance between them while she just stared, unsure whether he was a mirage born out of her stressed mind or reality.

TERRY...