Disclaimer: The wonderful characters and song lyrics belong to Jonathan Larson. As for the stuff I stole from the movie script… well, I'm not exactly sure who technically owns it but it's not me.

I'll Live

Hotshot

Mark snatched his bag off of the bed and stowed his camera inside. He moved quietly out of his room once he had located and shrugged on his jacket. He was halfway to the door when he noticed his roommate. He had not even though Roger was awake with the loft as quiet as it was. But indeed the songwriter was awake, sitting on a bench they had shoved against the picture windows, glaring down into a cup of coffee.

"Hey," Mark greeted as he approached his friend.

Roger glanced up, managing an incoherent mumble that sounded something like 'hey.'

Mark took a seat and Roger watched him. He knew what was coming, they both did. Mark had met Mimi last night, been introduced to her by Angel after she'd had a screaming match with Roger from across the street. Mark had felt Mimi's pain; Roger shut everyone out. He would admit he could not claim to understand Roger's perspective; AIDS was a big deal.

He brought it up cautiously, "Look… about last night-"

"I don't want to talk about it," Roger interrupted sharply. He gave Mark a look.

The response was very typical of the musician. Roger never wanted to talk about anything. Mark was used to pushing Roger's buttons.

"You know Mimi's gonna be at Maureen's show tonight," Mark said carefully, "You should come too. I'd hate to see you pass up something that could be good for you." At this point anything that held Roger's attention would be good for him. Someone needed to get him out of the loft.

Mark watched as Roger swallowed hard.

"You'll only regret it," Mark took a final stab at provoking Roger.

Roger shook his head slightly before muttering, "I'll live."

Those two words had quite a lingering effect on the atmosphere of the air between the two young men.

Mark stood to head out, "Right."

He and Roger nodded to one another as he left. Mark closed the loft door quietly behind him and quickly descended the stairs. He was meeting Collins and Angel at their Life Support meeting across the city. Taping the meeting on Christmas day had had quite an impact on him. All these people who had been damned to suffer from this horrible disease and were so strong when you got them together.

As he climbed on the subway car and the doors closed he thought back to Roger's response. 'I'll live.' He shook his head; Roger could not throw words around like that anymore. Sure, he'd live, this year. For all they knew Roger could be dead and in the ground a year from now.

Mark shuddered at the thought. There were also Collins and Angel to think of, but they had each other to lean on. Who did Roger have? He didn't have April anymore. No sir, April had taken the easy way out, and Mark hated her for it. She'd left Roger alone the one time he'd really needed her. Mrs. Davis didn't even know Roger had AIDS, he'd never told her. He didn't plan on it either, not until he was on his deathbed. He could have this Mimi girl if he wanted, but Mark knew AIDS scared people away. Roger was too afraid of really feeling again to let her in. Maureen? No, not Maureen. Sure, Roger had gotten a kick out of Maureen's dumping of Mark for another woman, but he'd quickly dropped the subject. He had never really seemed to care much for Maureen either way.

So who did Roger have? Well, he had Mark. Mark had been there through it all. He'd been half a step behind Roger when he'd found April dead in the tub. He'd been there through the withdrawal and the fights. He'd been there through Roger's fits over his inability to write a song. He'd been there when Roger had been re-tested six months ago; just to be sure there hadn't been a false positive. He'd been there when Roger had gotten the results.

'I'll live.'

Those words shook Mark to the core. He sighed. Yeah, maybe Roger would live. Maybe this time he would get over it and get past it without a problem, but what about next time? Next time he went out and some old flame flirted with him? Next time that dancer came upstairs to borrow matches?

He had to face it, there might not be too many next times. If Roger got sick there might not be another girl, another chance, another song. When Roger tossed 'I'll live,' back in Mark's face he had really made Mark think about all of this.

Mark was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he nearly missed his stop. As he left the subway station and entered back into the bright world above ground Mark blinked away the cobwebs that had been cluttering his mind. He was being so morbid. He had to stop doing that. It wasn't as though Roger was dropping dead right this second. However…

No. He had to stop thinking like that.

He pushed open the door to the Ryder Community Center and his feet found their way back to the small auditorium. There were only a few people there, pretty much the same group who had been there the day before. Angel threw her arms around him, an enthusiastic greeting to say the least. Collins just patted him on the shoulder, glancing toward the door.

"No Roger."

Mark shook his head, "I tried. You know how he is."

"Yeah," Collins rolled his eyes, "Stubborn little jackass."

Mark gave a small grin before glancing at Paul and inclining his camera. The leader of the group nodded and took his seat.

"Let's begin," he said quietly.

There was another round of introductions. Mark introduced himself with a considerable amount more ease than he had the previous day. He then moved to the opposite side of the group, standing near the stage and lifting his camera to look through the viewfinder.

'I'll live.'

The words echoed through his head again as he looked at the group in front of him. Some of them were sicker than others. Gordon's t-cells were low; Ali had lesions on her chest and back. Others were newly diagnosed and had yet to really suffer through the disease. Roger wasn't suffering yet. His suffering had been losing April, going through withdrawal. He had yet to be sick since his diagnosis.

As Mark started to film he realized that some of these people would never get to see his documentary once it was finished. They were all going to die from this disease at one point or another. They were going to leave their loved ones and their friends behind.

Roger was going to leave Mark behind.

Roger had been Mark's constant since before he had dropped out of Brown. He was a friend through Benny and Collins, and the one who had suggested Mark move in with them if he was so set on dropping out. He was the one who had pointed out that although they lacked space four people paying rent was much easier to manage than three. He had let Mark latch onto him for his first month or so, allowed Mark to follow him to his gigs, let him film him while he played guitar.

They were best friends even before the cocaine, before April, before the disease. Taking care of Roger and in turn being taken care of were the constants. Even when Roger was going through his worst days he still made Mark feel needed and safe. On the way back from his second HIV test, after finding he was indeed positive Roger had decked a guy who tried to mug Mark, knocking out two of the guy's teeth. Sure, maybe it was partly to do with the results but it was something. Mark hid behind his camera, he was the watcher. Roger was the doer. Mark loved Roger for that. He was going to miss that when Roger was gone.

'I'll live.'

Mark's heart felt ready to explode as one of the young men stood up and began to sing. His words undulated through Mark's mind as clearly as Roger's had. They were hesitant and questioning, and completely Roger.

"Will I lose my dignity? Will someone care? Will I wake tomorrow, from this nightmare?"

He clutched his camera as the rest of the group began to stand and sing the verse over and over again. It was amazing to see all of the damned people so hopeful and so honest.

He trained his camera on Collins and Angel just in time to see the door to the room open. He kept his camera focused on the door, who was the new arrival. He recognized the long hair, the leather jacket, and the slouching stance very quickly. He lowered his camera slowly, a tear running down his cheek. Most of life was perfectly acceptable to be viewed through his camera, but this Mark had to see for himself.

He watched as Roger Davis slowly walked down the aisle between the rows of seating, his voice joining the multitude of people already there, blending perfectly. He was one of them, Mark realized. Mark himself was the outsider.

Collins and Angel each wrapped an arm around Roger as he joined them. He looked vaguely uncomfortable, but he was trying.

Mark saw it then. He was the outsider. He really was. All of these people knew what life really was. They were living every day much fuller than Mark possibly could. They all knew that they were going through the inevitable last years. They were all on the road to death. It really hit him then, Roger was dying. He looked at the rocker and found Roger's gaze on him. He'd lost the sad look which had claimed his face earlier that morning. He looked like he'd found something, though he wasn't quite sure what it was. Maybe it was acceptance.

Mark had to put down his camera more often. He had to start living and enjoying the moments with Roger more. He had to get in the moments with Roger, Collins and Angel while he had the chance.

'I'll live.'

No Roger, Mark thought sadly, you won't.

I will.

A/N: I have had this idea floating around in my head for two weeks and finally, finally had no papers to do- well, none that are due immediately anyway. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, or if you absolutely hated it (I welcome flames), I want to know so click on the little review button at the bottom of the page.

This is my first RENT fic so I really want to know what people think. I love to work off of little moments in the play/movie so this is kind of a check to see if that works in this fandom. I like to drive on emotions and most of my stuff is gen-fic, but let me know what you want to read or what you think of this.

Thanks,

Hotshot