Chapter 24
A/N Sorrow
Sorry more angst might be another chapter or 2 before it gets better. Also I am at the farm with limited internet so updates will be more sporadic. Thanks for all the positive reviews from all of you.
Suzanne woke up two days later and decided she was tired of laying around in bed. After the fight with Benjamin a few days ago she needed to clear her mind. Dressing in barn clothes, she made her way to see Blaze. She knew she could not ride, but just spending time with him always made her feel better.
He stuck his head over the stall door when he heard footsteps. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close. He sensed she needed him so he let her hold on to him tightly. Soon her tears were falling and the realization of what happened hit her hard.
Eric came into the barn through the back exit and saw her holding onto Blaze and crying. He dropped Ranger's reins and walked over and pulled her to him. He let her cry until her tears slowed. He pulled her back from him and wiped her tears.
"Sis, Dad told me everything that has been going on. I am sorry that I have not been here to help you. If I had known, I would have left the sale and come home to be with you," he told her.
"Eric, I appreciate it. I am glad you didn't leave, it has been so overwhelming and I think more people hovering over me would have made it worse. Thank you for wanting to be here. How is Evelyn?, she asked him as she pulled away and wiped the remaining tears away.
"Miserable, she still has 3 weeks until the baby comes and she is so uncomfortable. Swollen ankles, can't get comfortable and constantly going to pee. She doesn't complain, but I can tell it is starting to get to her," he said. Then he ducked his head in shame. He was talking about the soon to be birth of his child when she had just lost hers.
Suzanne picked up on his mood change and walked over and pulled him to a hug. "You do not have to be afraid to talk about the baby with me. It has been rough losing the baby, but I am so excited for my new niece or nephew. Don't hide your joy because of my situation."
He lifted his head and smiled at her. "You want to take a walk, I know you can't ride, but the sunshine will do you some good?"
"Yeah, but I think I want to take it alone. I have some things to work out in my head and I think it would be best if I did that on my own," she told him.
He nodded his understanding and walked out towards the house.
Suzanne walked off towards the north pasture. The hurt she was feeling in her heart was new to her. She loved Benjamin so much, but he had hurt her so badly and then finding out he was the reason she lost the baby. She didn't know what to do. She wanted him back in one breath and then the next she could not stand the idea of seeing him again.
She walked farther than she realized and before she knew it she was at the lake that he had taken her to on their 1 year anniversary. So much had happened in their lives since that day. She remembered the joy she felt as he told her how happy he had been in the last year. She sat down and pulled her knees to her chest, resting her head on them.
What am I going to do, she asked herself? How/can I forgive him?
She could not come to a decision. She laid back in the grass and looked up at the bright cloudless sky. She drifted off to sleep. She was woken up a while later by her Dad shaking her shoulder. He had come looking for her when she had been gone for over 4 hours. When he saw her laying on the ground he panicked thinking something had happened to her.
She slowly came to and looked up at her Dad. "What is wrong?" she asked.
"Nothing Baby Girl, I thought something had happened to you. I rode over the hill and saw you laying in the grass," he told her with a worried look on his face.
"Nothing is wrong, I layed down to do some thinking and I guess the warm sun and breeze must have lulled me to sleep," she told him.
He helped her up just as her brother rode up on the wagon. They helped her up into it and headed off for home.
Walking into the house her Mom met her and pulled her into a tight hug. She was near tears and pulled back from her.
Not wanting to shed anymore she told them she was going upstairs to clean up. Once the door was closed on her room, the tears once again started. She knew part of it was her hormones were all screwed up, but most of it was heartache. She dried her tears and washed her face. She walked down the stairs to join her family for lunch.
Once lunch was consumed, she and her Mom cleaned up the dishes and the kitchen,
"Do you want to tell me what happened with Benjamin?" her Mom asked.
"Not just yet, I am still trying to work everything out in my head. It is still too raw and I have shed enough tears for a while," she said.
"Okay, I understand. I will be here when you are ready to talk if you want to," she said as she hugged her from behind.
Suzanne had not been to her and her Grandpop's office in over 10 days and she thought work would help take her mind off of her broken heart.
She drove over to the office, but was surprised to see that his car was not there. She walked in and went to her desk. She found a note from him saying that he would be back in a few days. He was going to West Virginia to look at a new possible project.
She looked over what she was last working on and set you work. The project was a new academic building at UVA. She had been so excited when she submitted the final design and they had been awarded the job. Being able to put her stamp on a building at her alma mater gave her great pride and she remembered how she had run into Benjamin's office to tell him the news. He was so happy for her and they had celebrated her good news in a great way that day.
She had to make some minor changes and the project was slated to be done and ready for the next new semester. She went to work and finished in no time. She decided that she would head into town and give the changes to the contractor that was working on the project.
Every time she walked onto the UVA campus she got such a feeling of nostalgia and smiled at all the memories she had made there. She started thinking about Benjamin and didn't want to cry more so she shook the thoughts from her mind.
She and Tom Simpson (contractor) were going over the changes she made when Professor Thompkins walked up to them. She looked up and smiled at him. The building was the new building for the finance department and he was looking forward to it being finished so he could start teaching classes there.
"Suzanne, how is my favorite non finance student?" he smirked at her.
"Well at least I am a favorite something. I am no longer a student though, I graduated with my Doctorate in the spring," she said to him.
"What are you doing on campus then?" he asked.
"Well, I am the architect on the new building. We are going over some last minute changes. I hope that you are going to enjoy the new building. I put in some new things that I think the professors and students are really going to enjoy," she said with pride written all over her face.
"I am so excited for you and I can not wait to see how it turns out when they are finished with it. I have a class so I need to get going. It was great to see you again. Give my best to Benjamin," he said as he walked away.
The mention of his name caused her to catch her breath. Pushing down her reaction, she got back to work with Tom.
It was late in the evening when she walked into the house. Her family had already eaten. She walked in and reheated the plate her Mom left for her. Washed her dishes and then retired to her room for the night.