7/3/06

"Breaking The Habit" – Linkin Park

Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again

Harry gently banged his head against the wall. Repetitively, but gently. He tried to stop thinking about it, he really did. But the memories consumed him, took over his mind. Everyone left him alone in the room, his room. They knew not to be near him. They all blamed him. He blamed himself. He had stopped the most evil wizard of all time from taking over the world. But in doing so, he had killed her.

I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

He still didn't understand why it had to have been him. If it wasn't, they would be together happily, while she did her seventh year at Hogwarts. He knew why though. The prophecy. It had all fallen into place now. How Harry hated the prophecy.

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight

And what made it all worse, what made it intolerable for Harry to bear, was what he had said to her. He would never, ever forgive himself for saying it to her. He had screamed at her, told her to leave, said anything, everything he could think of to make her leave. But she wouldn't. And then he had said it. He told her he loved her, and for that, he would never forgive himself.

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again

His heart still stung to think about it. The pain was indescribable, worse than the Crucius curse, worse than the Avada Kedavra, which Harry had now been hit with twice in his life. Both times, he had been saved. And both times, he had lost the woman he loved the most.

I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

If only he had never said he loved her… if only he had never fallen in love with her…

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight

Now he would never be happy. But he could live with that. What he couldn't live with is the fact she died to save him.

I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

And all her family had lost her too. All her friends, everyone, the whole world had lost her. As hard as he tried to suppress the image, her long red hair, shining brown eyes, and soft pink lips kept creeping into his mind. He banged his head harder. Harder, and faster.

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
to show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight

He kept banging, banging. He didn't notice the tears streaming down his face; he didn't feel the aching on his head. He just kept banging. He felt a hand clamp down on his shoulder, and finally stopped. Looking up he saw the sad and worried faces of his two best friends peering down at him. He felt strangely better, calmer. They sat down next to him, and finally, he began to talk.