MA

by itsbiz

for

3. Chapter 3

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at /works/1116081.

Rating:

Mature

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

F/M

Fandom:

Doctor Who RPF

Relationship:

Alex Kingston/Matt Smith

Character:

Alex Kingston, Matt Smith, Karen Gillan, Arthur Darvill

Additional Tags:

trigger warning: domestic violence

Stats:

Published: 2014-01-02 Completed: 2014-02-07 Chapters: 6/6 Words:

33234

command all the beasts to carry you when you're tired

by mygalfriday (BrinneyFriday)

Summary

Standing on his tiptoes in the back of the crowd and hoping he doesn't get caught and dragged out, Matt can't make out the particulars of her face but her hair – golden and gleaming around her head – calls to him like a siren song. He watches her strut around the arena with a wide smile, her sequined costume catching the light and glittering brightly. Now that, he thinks, is one choice bit of calico. 1920s Circus AU.

Notes

A late anniversary fic for Charina. Circus AU, set 1920s America. Story title from Ivory Road by King Charles and chapter title from Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite by the Beatles.

a splendid time is guaranteed for all

It's always the same whenever he visits home – what are you doing with your life, we're paying all that money for your education and you're squandering it, when are you going to choose a major – and each time, he finds it increasingly difficult not to snap that he never asked for them to send him to university. In fact, he hadn't wanted to go for precisely the reason his parents love to point out. He has no idea what to do with his life. He envies his classmates, all of them working toward a goal – doctors and writers and teachers. He wishes he knew what it felt like to have a purpose.

Hands shoved into his pockets and eyes on the ground, Matt walks aimlessly through town as expertly as he has walked aimlessly through his life thus far, without any particular destination in mind. He only knows that he cannot turn back and go home yet – not when he's still angry and frustrated. The town seems to be bustling with activity today, a strange thrum of excitement in the air, but he doesn't understand why until he has walked so far that he reaches the train tracks skirting along the outer edges of town.

Finally glancing up, Matt stares at the colorful cars sitting on the tracks, the shining paint along the sides telling him the Hartnell Brothers Circus is in town. People are gathered around the cars, unloading carts and cages, dragging them off into the distance where tents are being set up. He watches in silence for a while, observing the practiced way everyone goes about their tasks, the smiles on their faces even when someone in charge curses at them to pick up the pace. The smell of hay and animals and whiskey lingers in the air and for reasons he'll never be able to understand for as long as he lives, Matt takes another step forward.

In the distance, he can hear the roar of a lion and a little thrill shoots through him, tingling at his fingers and toes. A reluctant grin tugs at his mouth and he bounces a little in place, intrigued. Glancing around and noting all the people milling about, he decides no one will pay him any mind so long as he acts like he belongs. With a straight back and his chin lifted like a man who knows where he's going, he winds his way through people and around carts, making his way toward the more open area away from the trains where the tents are being set up.

Rather than the chaotic bustle nearer the trains, the activity here is much more focused. The center poles for the Big Top have already been erected, towering high above everyone, but several people stand around the outside of the tent, adjusting the tarpaulin as others pull and tug at ropes to get the rest of it off the ground. With a nod at anyone who happens to look in his direction, Matt walks past them, far more interested in following the sound of that agitated lion.

The sound of restless wild animals finally leads him to the menagerie tents, already set up and housing the wildlife. Matt peers around tent flaps and his eyes widen in turn at each new sight. Never in his life has he seen so many wild animals in one place before – and that includes his mother's family reunions. The monkeys grin at him, leaping around their cages and swinging from the bars gleefully, the giraffe chews on some sort of treat and blinks at him disinterestedly, the

camels take turns spitting as if competing in some silent contest, but it's the last tent that captures and holds his attention – the lions. They seem to be in a very bad temper, the lone male prowling the cage with a rumbling growl.

Gasping quietly, he stumbles inside and into the middle of the tent, gazing at them in wonder. "My god," he whispers, and laughs, wondering what he would have done if someone had told him when he woke this morning that he'd be standing in front a lion in a matter of hours. He walks cautiously toward the cage, hands held out in a supplicated gesture in front of him. He stops just shy of swatting distance of those enormous paws, grinning like an idiot at the carnivores fully capable of ripping him to shreds. "Oh, you are beautiful."

The two females lounging on their sides bare their teeth at him but the male – absolutely huge, with a thick, shining mane – stands over them, snarling. His eyes aren't on Matt, however, and he follows the lion's gaze to the bucket just off to the side of the cage, filled with raw, stinking meat. It looks as if someone had planned to feed them but had been called away to do something else.

"Ah," he mutters, glancing back at the lion in amusement. "Hungry then?"

The lion growls, tail twitching angrily.

He steps toward the bucket, wrinkling his nose at the godawful stench. Lifting it, he carries it with him back to the cage and ignores the increasingly frenzied noises coming from the lions within it as he tries to figure out how exactly to feed them without getting his hand bitten off. Someone feeds them every day so clearly there must be some sort of trick to this…

It takes him only another moment to locate the small, square part of the cage that lifts just enough to slide the bucket through before slamming shut again. Matt lifts the heavy bucket into his arms, swallows nervously and says to the male watching him curiously, "Just don't bite the hand that feeds you, eh?"

Not wanting to startle them, Matt moves slowly, lifting the latch and sliding the bucket inside cautiously, jerking his hand back and slamming the door shut just before all three lions pounce, knocking over the bucket and sending the meat spilling out everywhere. Light-headed and shaking, Matt leans against the opposite, empty cage with an exhilarated grin, his knees weak. "You're welcome," he laughs.

From the other side of the tent, a slow clap begins. Jerking in surprise, he straightens and whips his head around so quickly his neck cracks. A short, stout man with a pointed nose and dark hair beginning to gray at the temples stands at the entrance to the tent, dressed in a dark suit and an ornate cane hooked around his arm. Flummoxed, Matt shoves his hair from his eyes and sketches

a little bow.

"Impressive," the man says, surprising Matt with his thick Scottish brogue. "Do you have any idea how many men piss their pants when they have to feed the lions? And then there's you – sticking your hand in the cage and risking your fingers when you aren't even being paid."

Caught trespassing, Matt flushes. "Sorry, sir. I heard the animals and I couldn't resist – I'll just go." He scratches his cheek awkwardly and hooks his thumbs into the pockets of his waistcoat, mumbling as he walks, "Sorry, again."

"Did I ask you to leave?"

Matt freezes, glancing up with a furrowed brow at the man eyeing him. "Well, no but-"

The Scottish man begins to walk around the tent without looking at him, swinging his cane cheerily and slowly making his way to the lion cage. He stops right in front of it, raising an eyebrow when the male grumbles tetchily at him. "We lost our lion tamer in the last town," he begins lightly, glancing over his shoulder with a smirk at Matt's wide eyes. "Don't worry, he wasn't eaten or anything. Just retired – he was ninety-five."

Matt blinks, trying to imagine a ninety-five year old lion tamer.

"As you can imagine, he wasn't exactly drawing in the crowds anymore." The Scottish man chuckles to himself, tapping his walking stick teasingly against the bars of the lion cage and earning a grumpy roar and the swat of a paw for his trouble. "We're looking for a man to take his place. You interested?"

Gaping at him, Matt shakes his head. "What? No, I – I don't know the first thing about taming lions!"

"No one does until they have a bit of practice." The man huffs, turning his back on the lions to fix his calculating gaze on Matt. "They're already trained – they've been working with the same man since birth. They're domesticated pussycats, honestly!"

Matt eyes him dubiously.

The man sighs. "It's not about getting them to obey you – it's about earning their trust. And you're well on your way, feeding them when they're hungry. Have you ever worked with horses? It's a bit like that. Only there's a possibility you'll be eaten."

"I don't – who are you?"

"Steven Moffat – owner of the most spectacular show on earth." He grins. "But most people call me Uncle Moff."

"Well, Uncle Moff -"

"What do you do, kid?"

"What?"

"Your job. What is it?"

"I – I don't have one. I'm in university. Harvard."

"Studying?"

Matt ducks his head, his fringe falling into his eyes as he mumbles, "I don't know yet."

Uncle Moff beams. "Well, you're in no hurry to get back, are you?"

Thinking of his parents' disappointment and the university full of motivated people well on their way to careers perfect for them, Matt shakes his head. "No, I suppose not."

"Then stay until I find someone full time – just for a few shows. I'll even buy you a train ticket back home when I've hired someone else."

Matt chokes out an incredulous laugh. "You're asking me to run away with the circus?"

"Why not? What have you got to lose?"

"Limbs!" Matt flails his arms to make his point. "Lots of important limbs!"

Uncle Moff holds up his walking stick with a flourish and winks. "That's what they make these for."

He makes the mistake of sticking around to watch the show that night, and though he doesn't have a ticket to get into the Big Top, he slips just inside, lurking behind the crowds and just managing to see over the tops of their heads. He watches dancing girls and monkeys playing instruments to the instructions of a conductor, he watches a blonde girl lead her beautiful horses around the arena like a parade, he gazes up with wide eyes as a tall ginger girl and a thin, scruffy man leap through the air and swing from bars with practiced ease.

And then he sees her.

Standing on his tiptoes in the back of the crowd and hoping he doesn't get caught and dragged out, Matt can't make out the particulars of her face but her hair – golden and gleaming around her head – calls to him like a siren song. He watches her strut around the arena with a wide smile, her sequined costume catching the light and glittering brightly. Now that, he thinks, is one choice bit of calico. She stands against a target backdrop with a flourish, an apple balanced on top of her head and he doesn't understand what's happening until an arrow pierces the fruit and she steps out from under it, waving at the roaring crowd.

He watches with his heart in his throat as the woman laughs and curtsies just before the person who had shot the arrow – a tall, blond man – strides up behind her and catches her around the waist. Smiling at the crowd, he hugs the woman to his side for a brief moment but Matt doesn't miss the way he subtly shoves the woman behind him, clearly desiring the spotlight for himself. Chastened, the woman doesn't attempt to step forward again, hands laced together in front of her as the applause begins to die down.

Matt watches her until they disappear behind a curtain, the man dragging the woman behind him by the hand. He keeps hoping she'll look up just once more and allow him one last glimpse of her but she doesn't glance at the crowd again, eyes on the ground and the arrow-shattered apple

clutched in her hand.

When the circus pulls out of town that night, Matt goes with it.

Visions dancing in his head of the golden haired goddess and his own grand delusions of taking a bow between two magnificent lions, he finds himself sitting in a train car that smells vaguely of mildew. Curled up in the corner on a bed consisting of a pile of straw and a blanket, he watches the others he shares a car with talk and laugh and pass a bottle of liquor around, wondering if he should jump off the train and walk back home. What has he done? His parents must have found the note he left by now and realized his suitcase is gone, and will he even be back in time to start the next semester of school? What if –

"Uh oh, I know that look. Not going to upchuck, are you?"

Startled, Matt glances and finds himself on the receiving end of a gangly redheaded girl's wary stare. He recognizes her instantly as the trapeze performer he'd seen earlier that night. "Erm, sorry?"

She waves the bottle of hooch in her hand in his direction. "You have that oh god what have I done I've thrown away my life for a fleabag circus sort of look on your face. I remember it well." She arches an eyebrow. "If you pull a Daniel Boone and I've got to smell whatever you ate for dinner until we reach the next stop, I will throw you off this train myself."

Speechless, he shakes his head numbly. "I'm not going to be sick."

"Good." She smiles brightly. "Want some booze then?"

He nods hesitantly. If nothing else, it will keep him from panicking.

The girl nudges the man sitting next to her, a scruffy looking bloke with kind eyes and a roman nose. With a sigh, he takes the bottle from her and corks it before tossing it at Matt. It lands on his lap and he nods once in thanks, uncorking the bottle and sipping cautiously. "Thanks."

"So you're the new lion tamer."

"Apparently." Matt coughs at the burn of booze sliding down his throat, his eyes watering. "At least until your boss finds someone else more experienced."

"Have you ever worked with lions before?" The man arches an eyebrow, smirking.

Matt flushes and scrubs at the back of his neck. "Not really, no. But I've worked with horses and he says it's not that different -"

The man snorts, shaking his head and glancing at the redhead. "Uncle Moff has actually lost his mind. I mean, I know I've said it before but this time, I really mean it. We're being led around the countryside by a fucking madman."

The girl rolls her eyes and elbows him sharply. "Shut up, Darvill." She turns to Matt with a friendly grin. "I'm sure you'll be fine. Uncle Moff has a way of finding the talented ones." Crawling across the train car in his direction, fingers wrapped around her companion's dirt-smeared button down to drag him with her, she holds out a hand when she reaches him. "I'm Karen but call me Kaz." She jerks a thumb behind her. "And this idiot is Arthur."

Matt shakes her hand, grinning when Arthur uses the opportunity to steal back the moonshine. "You're trapeze performers, right?"

Kaz lifts her chin and sniffs, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "Trapeze artists, thank you. We're the best."

"Kaz, we're doing ballet in mid-air -"

"And we're phenomenal at it, stupid face." She sticks out her tongue and Arthur shakes his head, flopping down next to Matt and handing him the bottle again. "Anyway, we'll show you around when we stop, introduce you to people. Try to make sure you don't get eaten."

Matt grimaces. "Uncle Moff said they weren't so bad."

"Oh no, not the lions." Arthur pats his arm. "She means the people."

Paling, Matt wonders if maybe he might throw up after all.

They stop in New Haven but don't bothering unloading since it's the middle of the night. Instead, the doors to all the train cars are thrown open and everyone – workers and performers alike – ventures out to drink and converse. Unsure and out of place around so many strangers – especially after Kaz's warning – Matt opts for remaining on the train, legs hanging over the sides as he watches everyone else. Kaz leaves him to mingle but Arthur sticks with him, the two of them passing the bottle of moonshine between them in companionable silence as Matt's eyes slowly adjust to the dark patch of countryside they're in.

Since he won't come to them, Kaz drags people over to meet him instead and he shakes hands with a hulking bloke with tattoos inked all over his body, a fire-eater, a sword -swallower, a gaggle of coquettish dancing girls, a magician, and a few other animal trainers. They all have the same air of otherworldliness about them that fascinates him, and he wonders if it's some sort of requirement before joining the circus – Must Look Strange and Fantastical – and if it is, what is he doing here? Unless ears too big for his head counts as Strange and Fantastical.

Eventually, he realizes there are a few people hanging back from the open train car, lingering behind the crowd in a small group instead. His gaze is drawn almost instantly to a flicker in the isolated group and he squints until he realizes he's looking at a woman – the same woman who had caught his eyes and made it impossible to walk away.

She throws her head back and laughs at something a man still wearing smeared clown makeup says to her. She turns briefly to bestow a small smile on another man who steps up behind her, a possessive arm around her waist. Matt knows him instantly as the one who had shot an arrow at her head. It's difficult to make out the woman's face in the dark so he focuses on what had initially caught his eye, hours ago in the middle of the arena – her hair. Golden, wild spirals like rays of the sun in the middle of the night. She laughs again, an enchanting giggle that tickles his ears, and tosses her curls over her shoulder.

Matt blinks hard, forcing his gaze away, but like an afterimage, the flash of gold stays behind his eyelids long after he retires to bed.

The lions – Tutankhamen, Pachet, and Mekhit – are all bark, or roar in this case, and no bite. As Uncle Moff had promised, the lions are indeed little more than house cats, far too old and used to following orders to be of any real threat. The only time they seem truly feral is when they're hungry.

After spending the morning helping set up for the show that night, Matt spends the rest of the day

gaining the affection and trust of his animal companions, keeping them well fed and cooing at them until they're putty in his hands. His method is a slow but effective one. He begins by sitting outside the cage and interacting with them through the bars, his hope growing every time he reaches through to touch them and they only blink at him. After that, it's only a matter of slowly inching inside the cage along with them – his head, a hand, an arm, another hand and arm, his torso.

By nightfall, Matt sits in the cage with them, his heart pounding wildly and pumping adrenaline through his body but the three lions make no move to harm him. He works through dinnertime, too eager to earn their trust to bother with joining everyone else in the meal tent. The lions are astonishingly lazy but with treats, Matt gets them to respond to the commands Uncle Moff had hastily jotted on a slip of paper for him.

The old man who had worked with them previously had trained them well – they sit, shake, and stand on their hind legs at a word from him and the rush of having the rulers of the jungle – wild beasts who could easily rip him to pieces if they wished – obey his every command is thrilling.

They don't know many exciting tricks, unfortunately, and Matt resolves to work on that. They must get bored doing the same things all the time – everyone needs a bit of mental stimulation, even elderly circus lions.

As the evening wears on, Tutankhamen grows weary and tetchy, swiping a paw that Matt barely manages to dodge in time. With a yelp of alarm, he rolls over on his side, gasping for air and frantically patting a grateful hand over his unmarred face, laughing giddily. Not horribly disfigured

– that's good.

Tutankhamen eyes him with boredom and a little bit of stubbornness, clearly trying to convey that he will not be listening to any more commands tonight and if he must use violence to get his way, he will. Pachet and Mekhit stand on either side of him, presenting a terrifying united front. Matt sighs, flops onto his back and digs a handful of treats from his pocket, tossing them in their general direction. "Fine, go on then."

They pounce on the food as he climbs to his feet, and he hears the rustle of tent flaps behind him moments before he hears Uncle Moff. "Am I paying you to lounge about on the ground and feed them?"

Turning, Matt frowns at him. "Rewards are positive encouragement. I've been working with them all day."

With a jovial grin, Uncle Moff prods at a treat still lying on the ground with his walking stick, yanking it back when Tutankhamen lunges for the food. "Does that mean they'll be ready for the show?"

"In time, of course." Matt shrugs. "We're still getting to know each other."

"Well, acquaint yourselves faster." Uncle Moff taps his walking stick pointedly, brown eyes boring into his. "I need them show ready by tomorrow night."

"What?" Matt gapes at him, shaking his head violently. "Not possible. I've had a day with them! I need more time -"

Uncle Moff huffs impatiently. "I run a circus, Mr. Smith. A very popular circus – and people expect to see lions. They are paying to see lions, showing up every night and wondering if my lion tamer will be eaten or not but either way, it's bound to be a hell of a show." Swinging his walking stick over his shoulder and turning on his heel, he offers one last parting remark. "I don't care if all you do is lead them into the arena and let them chase you while you scream like a little girl – just make sure at least the male is in the show tomorrow night."

He doesn't wait for a reply, disappearing through the tent flap, but Matt offers a mocking salute anyway, scowling after him. "Right," he mutters. "No problem."

Tutankhamen, finished with his treat, licks languorously at his paws and eyes Matt with a look of pity. Pachet and Mekhit continue to ignore him – as they usually do unless he's holding a treat. Running his fingers through floppy hair, Matt breathes out a quiet, frustrated breath and wonders if Arthur and Kaz have any whiskey left.

Hoping to locate them and find out, he orders the lions back into their cage, watching with a small smile as they file inside one by one and flop down, clearly worn out. "Good kitties," he murmurs in amusement, and shuts the door behind them.

He walks out of the menagerie tent slowly, hands in his trouser pockets and steps light, in a good mood despite Uncle Moff's little visit. Already, working in the circus has given him a new outlook on life. Any day he doesn't get eaten by a wild animal is a good day. With a smile on his face and the hope for alcohol in his heart, he glances up and feels his world slow to a crawl. Across the field and standing outside another tent is the same woman who had captured his attention twice last night. He can't make out her features from so far off but he recognizes the hair instantly, gleaming like a beacon. Hands clasped behind her back as she bounces on the balls of her feet, she looks like she's waiting for something.

He plans to move on and search out Arthur and Kaz – really, he does – but he stays rooted to the spot, staring at her. As if sensing his gaze, she looks up from studying the ground and their eyes

meet. Hers widen in surprise and he finds himself wishing he could see what color they are. Mechanically, he raises a hand in greeting.

She looks away again quickly, curls falling into her eyes as she ducks her head. Only moments later, she peeks through the curtain of her hair and he wonders if her cheeks flush red when she sees him still gaping at her, frozen in place by some unnamed spell.

Just as he begins to contemplate an attempt to move in her direction, the tent flap behind her flies open with an angry jerk of a hand and the same tall, slender man with blond hair slips out. He settles a hand on the woman's back and she jumps, tearing her eyes away from Matt and looking up at the man, biting her lip almost guiltily.

Winding an arm around her waist, the man murmurs something in her ear and the woman nods slowly, not daring to look back in Matt's direction. The man glances up and sees Matt staring at them but Matt makes no move to look away. He watches with inexplicable sadness as, with an arrogant lift of his chin, the man leads the woman away. Eyes fastened on the back of her head, Matt stands in silence and stares until the gleam of golden hair disappears, swallowed up by the dark.

"What are you still doing in here?"

He glances up from his spot in the menagerie tent, right in the middle of three lazing lions, to find Kaz standing as far away as possible, hands on her hips and foot tapping. "Am I supposed to be somewhere else?"

"You've been in here for hours!" She sighs, beckoning him with an impatient hand. "The show is in two hours and you don't even have a costume!"

"A costume?" He frowns. "Can't I just wear what I have -"

Kaz holds up a hand, mouth agape in outrage. "Don't even finish that sentence, Smith. Haven't you ever heard of showmanship?" She snaps her fingers. "Now put up your pets and haul ass."

On the floor, Tut rumbles threateningly at her.

Kaz pales but sticks out her tongue anyway. "Darvill and I are going to sneak you into the costume tent and get you some spiffy rags."

With a sigh, Matt climbs slowly to his feet and orders the animals back into their cage, hoping a little nap will prepare them for the show tonight. He'd spent the afternoon with them, offering treats and praise every time they obeyed an order or performed a trick. He got them to sit and stand and roar on command, and after a while it had begun to feel a bit like training particularly vicious dogs. There hadn't been time to teach them anything new – he doesn't even know if he can – but he figures the crowds just want to see the lions more than anything. Or at least, he hopes.

Locking the cage, he dusts off his hands and huffs to blow the fringe out of his eyes. "Could I wear a hat?"

Kaz's smile grows. "Now you're on the trolley."

The costume tent turns out to be the tent of the dancing girls where a trunk of mismatched clothes just happen to be kept. Fending off half-dressed women who like to run their fingers through his hair and giggle while he blushes, Matt manages to find something suitable for a lion tamer and he stands in front of the mirror twenty minutes before his act begins, nervously adjusting the lapels of his red tailcoat. Threaded with gold stitching, it had caught his eye instantly. It goes well with the black bowtie and top hat and though he'd protested when Kaz had cornered him with a black eye pencil, he has to admit it has a rather striking effect.

Ignoring the hustle and bustle of frantic activity in the tent as everyone else tries to prepare around him, he leans closer to the mirror to examine Kaz's work and make sure it hasn't smudged. From behind him, he hears a derisive, "Nice bowtie, Smith."

"Love the hat."

The magician and the fire-eater he'd met the other night on the train walk away giggling, their heads bent together, and Matt scowls after them. Arthur had warned him the teasing would be inevitable, as it always is when a new performer joins their group, but doubt creeps in and he turns back to the mirror worriedly. Perhaps it's a bit much?

"Don't listen to them." He glances up in the mirror at the sound of a soft, purring voice behind him and his breath catches in his throat. It's her – the woman with the captivating golden hair he keeps glimpsing from afar. Her hair is even more magnificent up close and so is the rest of her.

Blonde, bouncing spirals frame a lovely face – green eyes, a strong nose, and a mischievous grin. Dressed in a sequined number that leaves little to the imagination, she leans against the vanity opposite his, unintentionally putting distracting curves on display. "I think you look dashing."

Matt swallows thickly, his fingers fiddling with his bowtie in uncertainty. "Really?"

Her full lips curve into a smirk and her eyes twinkle with merriment as she meets his gaze in the mirror. "Always love a man in a top hat."

"You have good taste," he preens, tipping his hat at her playfully.

She giggles, the same tinkling laughter he'd heard his first night on the train, and the sound of it washes over him like a tide of warm water. Before she can reply, the same blonde man who had lead her away last night steps into the tent, dressed in gray trousers, a white button down and a blue vest. Blue eyes, cold and piercing, ignore Matt entirely and focus on the woman instead, and Matt can't help but notice the way she wilts a little under that intense stare, like a flower deprived of sunlight. "We're on, if you're through here."

Flushing guiltily, the woman nods. "Yes, of course. I'm coming." Without another word, the man leaves again, taking their cheerful mood with him. The woman forces an anxious smile and says brightly, "That's my cue. Good luck tonight, new fella."

She turns on her heel and begins to walk away but he blurts out, "It's Matt, actually."

Pausing with her hand on the tent flap, she throws him a wink and a murmured, "Alex, darling."

She slips out of the tent, no doubt hurrying across the way to the Big Top where the roar and delight of the crowd can be heard. Matt stares after her for a long moment, flushed red all the way up to his ears and grinning like a sap. A hand clapping him roughly on the shoulder startles him back into the present and he jumps, turning to find Arthur watching him with pity. "What?"

"Don't what me, Smith. And don't even think about it."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Arthur snorts. "Do you know who she is?" When Matt stares at him blankly, he rubs his fingertips over his eyelids and heaves a sigh. "She's the target girl for the knife thrower – and his wife."

Matt shrugs him off with a frown even as his heart sinks at the knowledge she is legally tied to another. "She didn't seem particularly happy about either of those things."

"And that's none of your business." Arthur looks at him pointedly. "He could kill you from fifty paces away with a flick of his wrist and a butter knife. No dame is worth that, no matter what she looks like in sequins."

"Alright, fine. I'll stay away. She's just a dame, for god's sake." Matt waves him away and adjusts his top hat one last time. "Now, wish me luck?"

Arthur eyes him for a long moment, resignation in the set of his mouth, and finally grumbles, "Don't get eaten in front of the kids. Bad for business."

Matt huffs and stalks out, intending to walk to the menagerie tent and stand with his lions until the time comes to release the Tut – he figures one lion to control is more than enough for his first show. Instead, the moment he's outside, he finds himself drawn instantly to the Big Top, teeming with people and lit up from within. He glances behind him once to make sure Arthur isn't watching before he slinks toward it, sneaking inside to peer through the crowd at the middle of the arena, where Alex and her husband are the focus of attention.

Tied to a spinning wheel, arms and legs spread out, Alex has pasted on a winning smile for the crowd that doesn't waver once as her husband expertly throws knife after knife in her direction. Matt barely breathes, watching the blade arc through the air, hearing the dull thud as it embeds itself on the wheel, meters from Alex's arms and legs, her side, one even slices off a lock of hair. The crowd applauds each and every time the man doesn't stab her but Matt only has eyes for Alex, taking in the quiet fear visible in her eyes. He can see it clearly, even struggling to peer over heads and shoulders as he is. He's also the only one to see her tense every time her husband slings a knife toward her, the only one to notice her smile is not a sign of her enjoyment and trust but rather a mask to hide the terror that next time, the blade will miss its intended target. He doesn't breathe until the last knife has been thrown and the crowd whistles and claps.

The knife thrower bows to the crowd, selfishly accepting their praise with a blissful smile on his face, and doesn't move to untie Alex until the applause dies down. When her feet are safely on the ground, Alex turns to the crowd and holds out her arms, that same frozen smile on her face as she demonstrates that the sharp blades hadn't even nicked her. Like last time, her moment in the spotlight doesn't last long and her husband takes his place in front of her again, bowing once more before dragging Alex away.

They disappear through the exit and Matt sighs, shaking off the unease he feels whenever that man touches her – like watching a snake coil around something defenseless and precious. Rubbing his hands together and taking a deep breath, he slips out of the Big Top and to the menagerie tent, his stomach in knots. Tut sits already waiting for him, as if he knows what's coming, and Matt wraps his fingers around the bars, leaning his forehead against the cage with a quiet plea. "Please don't eat anyone."

Tut paws at his face, disinterested.

The show goes as he had hoped it would up until the very end – Tut sits and stands and roars when Matt asks him to. It's nothing amazing but the crowd is fairly pleased with the display and he actually starts to believe he'll get through the performance without having a heart attack when something unexpected happens.

Matt has always had a bad habit of gesturing with his hands and at the end of the act, he takes off his hat and sweeps out a hand before offering a bow. Sitting directly in front of him, Tut instantly rolls over to lie on his back, belly exposed and paws up. For a moment, Matt can only stare in stunned silence but the audience laughs in delighted surprise and there's only one thing left to do. With a grin, Matt drops to his knees beside the great beast and gives him a belly rub, saying loud enough for all to hear, "Good boy, Tut."

Tut – the little performer – actually purrs.

Matt beams and the roar of the crowd is deafening.

After the show, the performers gather around Uncle Moff in the now empty arena, laughing and talking and passing around the hooch. Still exhilarated and running on adrenaline, Matt shares a bottle with Kaz and Arthur, arms slung around their shoulders and a grin on his face.

"And finally," Uncle Moff holds aloft his bottle, half empty already. "A hearty welcome to our newest recruit – the fearless lion tamer Mr. Smith. You may be new, kid, but tonight you hit on all sixes. May you continue to bring in the crowds and keep all your fingers and toes."

"Hear hear!"

Matt laughs and they all drink. As Uncle Moff steps down from the crate he'd used as his makeshift soapbox, he finds himself surrounded by circus performers shaking his hand and ruffling his hair, all of them grinning at him. Apparently, he's proven himself. The dancing girls

kiss his cheeks and pet his hair, the fire-eater douses him with whiskey and eventually it all becomes a bit of a blur, strangers coming up to welcome him and offer a handshake or a playful shove.

But then a petite frame presses into his side and golden curls tickle his cheek as soft lips press against the corner of his mouth. He stops breathing altogether, the world around him snapping back into sharp focus. Alex pulls back with a small smile, her eyes bright. "Welcome to the family, Matt."

"Thank you," he manages hoarsely, and his arm snakes around her waist without thought. The celebrating crowd around them ensures no one pays them any mind. He takes the opportunity to study her lovely face, grinning. "I don't believe I've ever been so warmly received anywhere."

She laughs and the sound is even better up close, the white of her teeth gleaming in the dim light of the tent. "That's the circus for you, darling. Once you're in, you're in."

"You know, those lions are twenty years old…" A quiet, silken voice from behind them makes Alex freeze against him, her eyes widening and her cheeks draining of color. She slips from Matt's grasp instantly, avoiding eye contact. She holds herself stiffly and he turns to frown over his shoulder, where her husband approaches, watching them with narrowed eyes. "They've never seen a jungle in their lives – born in captivity, raised to obey."

Alex flinches as her husband reaches her, a hand wrapping tightly around her wrist. He presses his face into her hair and coos. She swallows thickly and Matt hears it even over the din of the carousing around them. "Ralph -"

"But animals are unpredictable," he continues, ignoring her as his eyes drift to Matt pointedly. "You never know when they might… snap."

Frowning, Matt forces his eyes from Ralph's possessive grip on Alex's wrist to look at the man himself. "Well, I like to believe my lions are a little like people in that regard – they only fight back when they're being abused."

Ralph narrows his eyes, his mouth a thin line. Eyes wide, Alex lifts her head and stares at him.

"And only an arsehole would hurt an innocent creature, right?" Matt inclines his head, smiling humorlessly. "So it seems I don't have anything to worry about. I wonder though, can you say the same?"

If possible, blue eyes turn colder than ever as Ralph grits his teeth but he offers no reply and when he turns on his heel to stalk through the crowded tent, he pulls Alex with him. She doesn't struggle, glancing once over her shoulder to look at Matt, still appearing stunned by the entire encounter. Matt stares after her until she and her husband disappear, his heart squeezing like a fist in his chest as he hopes she won't pay the price for his words.

and the dagger performs with a start

Chapter Summary

Stifling another bout of giggles, Alex smirks at him instead and the woman in front of him is a world away from the shadow he sees around her husband. This flirty, warm, smiling creature is nothing like her. The change can't be a coincidence.

Chapter Notes

Chapter title from Knife Thrower by Mirah.

In the meal tent the following morning, his oatmeal goes cold and congeals in the bowl as Matt ignores it in favor of staring across the tent where Alex sits tables away with her husband. She nibbles silently on a piece of toast and does not look at Ralph or really anywhere else at all. From where Matt sits, he can tell that she's tired, dark circles under her eyes and her bouncing hair lank around her shoulders but other than that, he sees nothing out of place – no new cuts or bruises anywhere visible.

Last night, he'd barely slept at all, lying awake in his train car with Kaz and Arthur, huddled under his blanket and worrying that his careless exchange of words with her husband had caused her harm. He's relieved to see no clears signs of abuse but if Ralph doesn't harm her, why does she always seem so afraid of him?

"Does he hurt her?"

Arthur glances up from his breakfast of eggs and coffee with far too much sugar, frowning in confusion. "Who?"

"Ralph, y'know – the knife thrower?" Matt looks pointedly in their direction until Arthur turns and glances over his shoulder at them, eating their breakfast and not speaking to each other. "Does he hurt her?"

"No way." Arthur shakes his head firmly, turning back to his own plate. "I mean, I'm not saying he's a stand up bloke who wouldn't harm a fly – anyone with eyes can see what he's capable of. He's got a violent streak – have to have to be a knife thrower, don't you? But we'd know if he was… those costumes she wears don't exactly hide much. He's charming as hell when he needs

to be. I can't even count the times Alex has packed up and left, and he practically got down on his hands and knees to get her back."

Frowning savagely, Matt pushes his oatmeal around his bowl with his spoon.

"You're a crap listener, you know."

"Hmm?"

"I said don't get involved." Arthur arches an eyebrow at him. "You said of course I won't. And here we are one day later and you're already carrying a torch for her."

He scowls. "I am not carrying a torch for her."

Arthur eyes him dubiously.

Matt sinks lower in his seat and drops his eyes. "I'm just worried about her. There are other ways to abuse someone besides physically."

"Did I hear someone say physical?" Carrying a plate piled high with food, Kaz sinks into the chair opposite Matt and next to Arthur, smirking. "Do tell."

"It's nothing."

Arthur snorts. "Smith's goofy for Alex."

Matt chokes, cheeks burning as he glares across the table but Kaz's whole face lights up. "Really?!"

"No ." Matt hisses, making a slicing motion with his hand. "I'm just… concerned, alright? Forget I said anything."

Kaz shrugs. "Then I guess you don't want to know that Ralph just left to go sharpen his knives like he does every morning after he eats and Alex is still sitting over there all by her lonesome?"

Matt's head shoots up quickly, eyes searching out Alex even as Kaz snorts at him, clearly amused. "Should I -"

She sighs. "Of course you should."

Arthur glances between them, already frowning in disapproval. "She's a married woman, Kaz."

"So?" Kaz shrugs lightly. "He's just going to talk to her – not make violent love to her on top of the table. Lighten up, Darvill." She winks at Matt, who blushes instantly. "And she's brilliant, okay? So be a good friend to her."

Beaming, Matt resists the urge to reach across the table and ruffle her red hair. Pushing his plate of untouched food away, he rises to his feet and leaves his friends behind to cross the tent to Alex. She doesn't look up from her plate, where she methodically crumbles her toast, tearing it into little pieces, and he doesn't wait for an invitation, dropping into the seat across from her that her husband had vacated.

She glances up, startled, and her eyes widen when they meet his. "Hello."

He grins, undeterred by her hesitance. "Hello. How are you?"

She eyes him and answers with a slow, "Fine."

"Good. That's good." He laces his hands together on top of the table and stares down at them, hair flopping into his eyes as he studiously avoids her gaze. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay

– erm, after last night. I said – and I thought your husband might -" He swallows, peering through his fringe to find her watching him curiously. "So you're good?"

Slowly, her full lips curve into a cautious smile at his expense and she nods. "I'm good, darling."

Grinning again, he scratches his cheek and mumbles, "Good."

"So you've said." She laughs quietly, dropping her mangled toast onto her plate and brushing the crumbs from her hands onto her skirt. "Listen, I'm sorry about Ralph last night. He can be a little… abrasive at times."

"Really?" He quirks an eyebrow at her. "I hadn't noticed – seems like a lovely fella to me. Very personable."

She bites her lip, still smiling. "You were really wonderful, though. However did you manage to get Tutankhamen to roll over like that?"

"Can I tell you a secret?" He leans toward the middle of the table and beckons her closer. Clearly intrigued, Alex bends her head toward his until her nose brushes his cheek. He suppresses a shiver and turns to breathe into her ear. "I have absolutely no idea."

Alex giggles, drawing back to sink into her seat once more. Cheeks pink and smile wide, she shakes her head, curls spilling over her shoulders. "If you don't want to tell me, you don't have to. I know some performers never reveal their secrets."

"I'm serious!" He laughs but holds up his hands solemnly. "I don't actually know what the hell I'm doing. I'm just filling in until Uncle Moff finds someone qualified. Tut probably rolled over because he was tired and he felt like it, to be honest."

Stifling another bout of giggles, Alex smirks at him instead and the woman in front of him is a world away from the shadow he sees around her husband. This flirty, warm, smiling creature is nothing like her. The change can't be a coincidence. "Ah, I see. You're an imposter."

"The biggest fraud to ever join your circus, madam." He grins. "And I'd be much obliged if you kept that between us."

"You would, would you?" Her smile turns dangerous and the purr of her next words sets him on edge. "What's in it for me, then?"

He shifts uncomfortably in his seat, suddenly a little hot under the collar. "My undying gratitude?"

"Is that all?"

"Oh, so that's not good enough for you?" He huffs when she giggles, biting back a smile himself. "What about my friendship? I'm excessively charming company."

He doesn't miss the way her face lights up but she smothers it quickly, offering him a cheeky smile instead. "Are you sure you don't mean conceited company?"

He snorts. "Hell, not afraid to be direct are you?"

She shrugs, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms over her chest. "Got anything else?"

Elbows on the table, he hums thoughtfully, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. "What if I told you by accepting my offer of friendship, you would also gain the benefit of having access to the menagerie tent whenever you wished? And by extension, the lion cage."

"What makes you think I want anywhere near that lion cage?"

He gestures to her curls. "You must have some sort of affinity with them. Same hair."

She stares at him in disbelief. "And I suppose that explains why you're talking to me? Do I bring out your desire to tame the beast?"

The suggestive tone of her voice does not go unnoticed and he flushes. "I don't think I could tame you if I tried. No man could."

Her smile fades at that and he mentally sticks his foot in his mouth as she mutters, "You'd be surprised."

"I misspoke," he says softly. "I meant to say no man should." Alex watches him for a long moment, clearly surprised, but he only blinks back at her, all his cards on the table. "So, exclusive rights to the king of the jungle in return for your silence regarding my ineptitude. What do you say?"

Her nose crinkles as she laughs and just watching her is enough to lighten his heart. "Alright, fine. We have a deal, Matt."

She extends a hand across the table and he takes it, his palm sliding against hers. He glances up and as their eyes lock, Matt feels his whole world shift. His mind whispers to him – a beginning, the purpose he's been looking for, fate – but he only smiles and squeezes her hand. "Friends, Alex."

When they reach the next town – Philadelphia – Matt drops a brief note in the mail for his parents, penned on the back of a faded circus postcard he'd found buried beneath the straw littering the train car floor where he sleeps. He lets them know where he is and that he's all right, but that paying tuition needn't be something they trouble themselves over anymore. Whatever he decides to do with his life, he's pretty sure it doesn't include being stuck inside a classroom all day. He promises he'll write again soon but doesn't bother trying to tell them when he'll be home. He doesn't even know that himself.

Feeling a little glum and homesick, he retreats to the menagerie tent to be on his own for a while. He lets Tut, Pac and Mek out of their cage in hopes that a little practice will distract him and for a while, it works. He gets them to stand on their hind legs, front paws in the air while he walks between them and inspects their form. When he taps his foot, they drop back down on all fours and he grins, pleased with himself.

To his right, he hears a slow, methodical clap and he glances up to find Alex standing just inside the tent. It's strange seeing her out of her flashy show garb, dressed instead in a white shirt and tan trousers tucked into tall riding boots. A colorful scarf wrapped around her head like a headband to pin her unruly curls from her face, she looks just as lovely as she had the other night in sequins. Tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth, Matt can only stare at her for a moment, barely blinking.

She fidgets, glancing at the ground shyly. "You said I could visit."

She makes it sound like a question and Matt feels his heart swell in his chest as he snaps his mouth shut and nods. "Yes, of course. I just -" He grins. "I didn't think you really would."

"Oh, well, I could go -"

Matt leaps to his feet as she takes a step back. "No, please." She stops, hand poised to pull back

the tent flap. He fidgets, ruffling his hair nervously. "At least let me introduce you to the lions."

He grins hopefully and Alex drops her hand, tension leaving her small frame even as she glances apprehensively over his shoulder. "Aren't they dangerous?"

"What, them?" He glances behind him, where all three lions sit placidly, watching Alex with obvious curiosity but either they realize she's no threat or they're just too lazy to get up. "I think their days of man-eating are behind them. They prefer popsicles and cookies now."

She laughs heartily, head tossed back and mouth open, and Matt grins at the sound, watching her inch slowly further into the tent. "So the most feared beasts of the jungle – the reason we draw so many crowds in every town – eat sweets?"

"Hey, who wouldn't do a few tricks for an oatmeal cookie?" He frowns at her playfully and Alex giggles. "It certainly works better than whatever the last fella was doing. They're as old as the hills but I've never seen them move as fast as they do when I wave a cookie in front of their noses." Alex takes another few cautious steps, almost at his side now but still watches the lions with trepidation. He holds out a hand to her, trying to smile reassuringly. "They won't hurt you, I promise."

Biting her lip, she reaches out and takes his hand, letting him draw her to his side. She grips his fingers tightly but her eyes are wide and delighted as she stares down at the lions at her feet, all three of them gazing up at her calmly. "I've never been so close before," she breathes. "They're beautiful."

Usually, anyone who gets this close besides Matt ends up on the receiving end of an impressive roar and the swipe of a paw but with Alex, they haven't even moved. They seem just as fascinated by her as she is with them. He's never seen them quite so docile.

"I think the feeling is mutual," he says, nudging her meaningfully. "They're enraptured by you."

Alex flushes, shaking her head. "Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not – look at them!" He gestures with the hand she isn't still clinging to. "They've never seen you before in their lives – they should be growling at you, trying to paw at your feet and slice you to ribbons!"

Her jaw drops. "You said their man-eating days were over!"

"They're lions, Alex. Their man-eating days are never over." He scoffs, grinning when she pales. "But I wouldn't have let them harm you. They'd have to eat me first." He watches her drop her gaze to the ground, biting her lip against a smile. "My point is they clearly like you. Now, what are your plans for the afternoon?"

She looks startled, blinking at him. "I – I don't have any until Ralph sends for me."

"Good." He drops her hand and strides across the room to pick up an empty water bucket. Turning it upside down, he places it a few feet from the lions and pats it, beckoning her closer. "Sit here and keep me company then."

"Oh I -" She shakes her head, fingers stroking her scarf self-consciously. "I don't want to distract you from your work. I'll just -"

"Alex, you can't leave now!" He puts his hands on his hips and eyes her sternly. "You're clearly my good luck charm. You have a very calming affect on my animals, which means they'll be easier to train, which means the show will be a success and Uncle Moff won't throw me out on my backside. So I must ask that for the greater good, you sit right here and let us all bask in your soothing presence."

She stares at him, lips parted in surprise.

"Come on." He wheedles, not above a little bribery. "I'll let you give them their treats."

She sits.

He claps his hands together once in triumph. "There we go; now you're sitting pretty." He empties his pockets of cookies and dumps them all into her waiting hands. "When I signal you, toss a few toward them but don't let them have any before I say so – they're shameful beggars."

Taking her newly appointed task seriously, Alex unties her headscarf and wraps the cookies in it, creating a makeshift sack. "Out of sight, out of mind." She hums, adorably pleased with her own resourcefulness. She crosses her legs, elbow on her knee and chin in hand to watch him work but Matt can only stare at her and all those curls suddenly tumbling around her face. She tugs at a

wayward spiral, watching him with concern. "What is it?"

"Sorry, nothing." He forces his gaze away, swallowing. "Ready to watch me bumble my way through another day of practice?"

"I'm sure it's not as bad as all that, darling." She watches eagerly, completely oblivious to the way his heart skips a beat every time she calls him that. "Go on, then."

He guides Tut, Pac and Mek through a few tricks – standing on their hind legs again, following him around the tent in a single line, rolling over on command. Alex laughs and claps, throwing them treats every time they obey. The animals have clearly already taken a shine to her, kneeling at her feet and licking their paws of cookie crumbs when Matt allows them a break.

Lounging on the floor in the midst of them, he breaks a spare cookie in half and shares it with Alex. Leaning his back against the warm of Tut's middle, he watches Alex tentatively reach out a hand and touch Mekhit's paw. When the lioness doesn't move, Alex relaxes; stroking her finger up and down the large paw with a smile on her face. "I'm glad you decided to take me up on my offer."

She glances up, still grinning. "Me too. I had no idea they were so… friendly."

"They usually aren't." He waggles his eyebrows. "And don't be shy, doll. You really came to see me, didn't you? It's all right; you don't have to use the lions as a cover. You can tell me – you were craving my company. Nothing to be ashamed of."

Scoffing as he grins lazily at her, Alex shakes her head. "Yes, I couldn't stop thinking about you, darling." She coos, sneakily giving Mek the last bite of her own cookie. "Ralph will be heartbroken when he finds out."

Wisely choosing not to comment, Matt coughs politely. "However did you manage to get away from your darling husband, anyway? Does he know you're all alone in a tent with the dashingly handsome lion tamer?"

"Really? Where is he?"

"Ouch." He smooshes his fringe over his eyes and pouts dramatically.

Mekhit starts licking Alex's fingers, foraging for any trace of cookie left over, but Alex barely pays her any mind, too busy smirking at him. "Ralph is in the middle of target practice. He probably hasn't even noticed I'm gone."

"But doesn't he need you for target practice? Not that I'm complaining, mind."

Shaking her head, Alex withdraws her fingers and wipes them on her trousers, patting Mek on the head like a dog. Matt tries not to feel jealous – it took Mek ages to let him that close without snarling. "He uses actual targets when he's just practicing – it's safer than using me all the time."

"How considerate of him," he mutters.

He hadn't really meant for her to hear but she does, mouth twisting thoughtfully as she looks at him, but before she can say a word, Tut climbs to his feet and Matt just catches himself before his back hits the ground, his prop suddenly gone. Leaning on his elbows now, he watches as Tut steps imperiously over the two lionesses at Alex's feet. He settles right between them and rests his giant head on her lap. She laughs in surprise, beaming down at the lion nuzzling into her leg with a snuffling noise more befitting of a kitten. "Well aren't you just a great big kitty cat," she coos, and scratches behind his ears.

Tut practically purrs.

Mouth open in outrage, Matt gapes at the sight. "Seriously, how are you doing that? They hate everyone but me!" She shrugs shyly but her smile is wide and her whole face glows with pleasure. In the short time he's known her, he's never seen Alex quite so happy. He harrumphs anyway, because his petulance seems to amuse her. "Must be the hair," he decides. "You probably look like a relative to them."

Alex gasps. "How rude you are, sir. Maybe they just like me."

Softening, Matt nods and reaches out a foot to prod hers playfully. "I can certainly sympathize."

Blushing, Alex drops her eyes back to Tut.

With the ice broken that first day, Alex starts dropping by the menagerie tent when he practices most days. She watches him train, keeps him company, pets the animals and hands out treats. She even helps him come up with a few new tricks to try out in the show. He sees her every day and sometimes more than once a day. Every morning, as soon as Ralph leaves the meal tent to sharpen his knives, Alex will pick up her plate of food and wander over to join him, Arthur and Kaz at their table. She walks with him after they eat to feed the lions and train, leaving him hours later to find Ralph and practice their act.

He doesn't see her again until dinner, when he sits down with Kaz and Arthur in the meal tent once more. He'll lift his eyes and see her across the room, sitting at a table with her husband. He always waves at her and Alex always glances timidly at Ralph before offering a smile in return. Most days, it's almost enough for Matt but on the days when it isn't, he always walks by their train car before bed in hopes that the door will still be open and he'll be able to glimpse her inside

– reading a book while Ralph sharpens his knives. It helps to see her once last time before he closes his eyes and on the nights when their train car door is shut, he walks by quickly and tries not to think about why.

As much as he hates to admit it, Arthur had been right that first day. He is most definitely carrying a torch for the knife thrower's wife. He relishes the time spent with her. Any time with him is time she isn't spending with Ralph. Matt barely sees the man but he can't forget his first impression of Alex's husband as cold and uncaring with an abusive streak. He keeps an eye on Alex, always searching for bruises but he never sees any – at least not any visible ones.

It all starts to change one morning, weeks after he joins the circus. They'd arrived in Charleston late last night, drinking and dancing to Bessie Smith until they were all too tired or too drunk to stay awake any longer. Matt wakes early with a mild headache, rolling over on his makeshift bed with a groan as he thinks of all the work to do before his day can even begin. All of the train cars need to be unloaded, the animals need to be fed and it'll be hours before breakfast is served.

His stomach growls unpleasantly and he sighs, opening his eyes in defeat. His groggy gaze is drawn instantly across the car, where Kaz sleeps, her long, pale arms wrapped tightly around a petite lump cuddled into a blanket. Matt frowns, squinting, and recognizes the hair peeking out from the nest – golden curlicues which refuse to be tamed by the likes of a woolen blanket.

"Alex?" He mutters sleepily, rubbing at his eyes. The blanket shifts as she moves, revealing Alex's lovely face slack with sleep and Matt feels his brow furrow in confusion. "What-"

"Shh. You'll wake her."

Startled, Matt wrenches his gaze from Alex to find Arthur standing on the other side of the car, a finger to his lips as he motions him out. Instantly, Matt pushes his blanket aside, scrubs a hand over his face and climbs to his feet. He glances worriedly at Alex one last time before he follows Arthur, hopping down from the car and landing outside on his feet. A few people are already unloading the train, others driving spikes into the ground to set up the tents. He rakes a hand through his sleep-ruffled hair and the minute they've walked far enough away, he snaps impatiently, "Well?"

"I just didn't want you to wake her." Arthur shrugs. "She had a difficult night."

"Why? What happened? Why is she in our car and not with Ralph?"

"Jesus, calm down." Arthur scrubs his fingers over his scruffy face and eyes him balefully. Conversation early in the morning, Matt had discovered very quickly, would never be Arthur's forte. "Ralph had too much to drink last night. He and Alex got into it and since she and Kaz are friends, Alex came to us so she'd have somewhere to stay while he slept it off."

Instantly sick to his stomach, Matt turns on his heel and starts walking in the other direction. Arthur stumbles after him.

"Whoa, wait, where are you going?"

"To see Alex," he bites out.

"No, you're not." Arthur quickly steps in front of him, wrapping his hands around Matt's forearms and stopping him in his tracks. Matt huffs and Arthur looks at him sternly, his stubbornness clear in the firm set of his jaw. "You're going to let her sleep in peace. If you want to talk to her later, I can't stop you."

Scowling, Matt shrugs him off with a curt nod.

Arthur relaxes, shoving him fondly back in the other direction and shaking his head. "Your life would be so much easier if you would let this thing go."

"It's not a thing – she's -" Matt sighs, glancing longingly over his shoulder where Alex sleeps in their train car. "It's too late."

"Yeah, I got that five minutes after you met her." Arthur sighs and slaps the back of his head, prompting Matt to turn and shove him hard, grinning all the while. "Come on, idiot. Let's get to it."

Keeping his mind on anything but Alex and what exactly had forced her to seek asylum in the middle of the night is nearly impossible but Matt makes a valiant attempt. He throws himself into helping with tent setup, assists with unloading the heavier equipment from the train cars, feeds his animals and finally collapses into a chair next to Arthur in the meal tent hours later.

They're just finishing their coffee in companionable silence when Kaz finally joins them. She settles into a seat across from them, elbowing one of the clowns out of her way with a grumpy huff. Dropping her plate on the table in front of her – dry toast for her no doubt tremendous hangover – she puts her head in her hands and groans.

Ignoring her theatrics, Matt glances over her shoulder and around the table, then hopefully at the long line still waiting for food. "Where's Alex?"

"Eating breakfast," Kaz mumbles at the table top, not bothering to lift her head.

It's on the tip of his tongue to ask where since she clearly isn't here when an idea occurs to him and with dread in the pit of his stomach, he turns and looks over his shoulder. At her usual table and seated across from her husband is Alex, looking tired but lovely. She nods absent-mindedly to whatever Ralph is saying, eating small spoonfuls of oatmeal and avoiding his gaze.

Heart clenching in his chest, Matt forces himself to turn his back on the sight. Kaz remains slumped in her seat but Arthur looks at him pityingly. "So that's it? He was being such a pill last night that she couldn't even sleep in the same train car with him but now everything's fine?"

Kaz shrugs, finally lifting her head to reach desperately for her coffee. "It usually is."

"Does this happen often then?" The idea horrifies him, as does Kaz and Arthur's blasé attitude about this marriage from hell. "Did he at least apologize?"

"I doubt it," Kaz snorts, then winces, clutching at her head.

"Then why -"

"Old boy, there's something you have to understand. For as long as I've known them, which is when Kaz and I joined the circus two years ago, Ralph and Alex have always fought. Always. Alex will leave, sometimes either to stay with Kaz or actually go as far as to pack her bags but she always goes back to him." Arthur fixes him with another of those steely-eyed gazes Matt is really growing to hate. "Now, I know you're hopelessly goofy for Alex but her life is none of your business. And I am not kidding when I say Ralph will bump you off. I'm honestly surprised he hasn't already – the way you moon over his wife is far from subtle."

"He's probably waiting for the lions to eat him instead," Kaz supplies helpfully. "No one wants to undergo an investigation by the heat."

Arthur tips his head in agreement. Matt stares glumly into his empty coffee cup and says nothing, waiting only a few more minutes before excusing himself. He doesn't want to wait for Ralph to leave today, nor is he in the mood to face Alex should she decide to join them for breakfast again. He hides away in the menagerie tent, taking another bucket of meat with him. He tosses scraps through the bars, mildly amused because they never show as much enthusiasm for meat as they do for oatmeal cookies. He watches them devour their meal, leaning against a tent post with his arms crossed over his chest, and tries his best not to think about Alex. As much as he hates to admit it, Arthur had been right. Alex is his friend but will never be anything more – she's a married woman and her life is none of his concern, no matter how much of a volatile bastard her husband is.

"Are you avoiding me?"

He nearly drops the meat bucket, whirling around so quickly he trips and stumbles back into the bars of the cage behind him. Tut grumbles at him discontentedly but Matt ignores him, all of his attention focused on Alex standing with her hands behind her back, watching him with a little smile. "Of course not," he says, and drops his eyes. "Why would I?"

"You tell me." She ventures a little further into the tent and the lions finally notice her, purring in greeting. She beams, waving at them. "I know you must have seen me sleeping in your car this morning -"

"I didn't want to wake you." He straightens away from the lion cage and turns his back on her.

"And at breakfast you didn't linger over your coffee, waiting for Ralph to leave so I could join you all." She sounds troubled and his heart softens a little just at the knowledge that she noticed and cared. "I don't believe you even looked at me."

"I did," he says before he can stop himself.

Alex says nothing but he senses her surprised gaze on him. "You did?"

He nods, swallowing. "You just didn't see."

He hears her light footsteps as she moves to join him, standing at his side in front of the cage but he doesn't dare turn to look at her yet. One glance at her face and he'll crumble. Curling her hands around the bars, she watches the animals eat in silence for a long moment. "You're angry with me," she finally observes. "Why?"

Matt shakes his head. "Not angry."

"What then? Because you're certainly behaving very oddly."

There's a little bit of hurt coloring the tone of her voice and he sighs, shoulders slumping. "I'm… confused."

"About what?"

He rakes his fingers through his hair and blurts out the truth, regretting the words even as they leave his mouth. "Why you stay with a man who doesn't make you happy."

Alex inhales sharply, turning her head to look at him with wide eyes and he finds the courage to meet her furious gaze. "How dare you -"

"Don't, Alex," he says softly. "I may be a cad to point it out but that doesn't make it any less true. You couldn't even stay in the same car with him last night – he shouldn't make you feel like you aren't safe, Alex. You're his wife – he should make you feel loved and protected -"

"He does," she interrupts insistently, eyes flashing.

Matt bites his lip, ducking his head to peer solemnly at her through his fringe. "Then why did you leave him in the middle of the night to sleep on the floor with Kaz? From what Kaz and Arthur were telling me, it certainly isn't the first time."

Alex stares at him in silence, bottom lip trembling.

He reaches out a hand to touch her arm and though she doesn't try to stop him, he can't quite bring himself to do it. He wants to wrap her in his embrace and keep her from any and all harm but she would never let him and he knows if he touches her now, there will be no going back. "Does he -" He stops and doesn't really want to know. He has to ask anyway. "Does he hurt you, Alex?"

She breaks eye contact and his heart clenches. "He's my husband. I love him."

"Do you?"

"Of course I do," she snaps, and he nods, knowing when to back off.

"Okay."

He turns back to the lions and finds them staring back at him, licking their lips impatiently for another scrap. He snorts softly and reaches for the bucket, pulling out another slab of meat and tossing it in. As they pounce on it, Alex asks in a soft voice, "Where else would I go?"

Matt turns his head and stares at her, lips parted in surprise. She blinks back at him, genuinely curious. Somehow, it had never occurred to him that all of those times Ralph had won her back, it hadn't been because Alex wanted to be with him but because she didn't have anywhere else to go. He wonders how frequently Ralph tells her as much, knowing if she truly believed she could, Alex would leave him in an instant.

Swallowing hard, he manages a thin smile. "Well, you've got me now, eh? I'll be here if you need me." He winks. "My pile of straw is much cushier than Kaz's anyway."

She giggles, flashing him a grateful smile, and suddenly she's Alex again. "Thank you, darling."

Pleased, he claps his hands together and grins at her. "Now, ready to play with a man-eating lion and his senior citizen dames?"

She laughs, bright eyed and altogether lovely. "Oh, you know just how to show a girl a good time."

"I do my best but that line never seems to work on anyone else."

He pouts and Alex winks at him. "They don't know what they're missing."

Unlatching the lock on the cage and swinging the door open with a flourish, Matt offers her an elaborate bow and another little piece of his heart.

take good care of yourself, you belong to me

Chapter Summary

Denying he's fallen in love with the unattainable target girl would be laughable at this point – he searches her out in crowds, mopes on days when she's too busy to visit the menagerie tent and lights up on the days when she can. He worries about her constantly and in spite of Arthur's warnings, he can't bring himself to care if Ralph notices him staring.

Chapter Notes

Chapter title from Button Up Your Overcoat by Ruth Etting. Also, if you're reading and enjoying, comments are sexy.

In a wealthy area like Atlanta, the circus tends to stay as long as people are willing to pay to get in and Hartnell Brothers keeps their tents up for a grand total of nearly two weeks. In that time, Matt trains the lions diligently and incorporates Pachet into the act with Tut. With both of them in the arena, listening to his commands in front of hundreds of people every night, he feels less like a fraud and more like a real lion tamer by the time they leave the town in their dust.

Their next stop is New Orleans and their first show is a huge success. Every tent is packed with people – the Big Top, the dancing girls tent, the menagerie, and the sideshow tent all full. He can't remember the last time they made so much money in one night and Uncle Moff can't seem to either, holding up his glass at the end of the night and toasting them with a wide grin on his usually harried face.

Arthur, the only one among them mad enough to save his earning to buy a gramophone, puts on a Ruth Etting record and they find themselves in the midst of another party. Somehow, even in the middle of a prohibition, the alcohol flows freely and Matt doesn't want to know how they come by it so easily. He drinks and dances and does everything he can to avoid looking in the crowd for Alex. He knows where she'll be – tucked under Ralph's arm and smiling. He's too happy right now to let those two and their twisted relationship ruin everything.

Unfortunately, luck isn't on his side tonight.

Halfway through the night, he finds himself sitting at a table surrounded by his friends, all of them laughing and boisterous with too much moonshine. Matt barely notices them, whiskey glass clutched in his hand as he stares at Alex dancing under the fairy lights with her husband. Ralph

leans into her heavily and Matt has no doubt that he's had too much to drink again. Alex holds him up as best as her petite frame can, her head on his shoulder and her eyes shut as they sway together to Louis Armstrong. She looks… exhausted and it's strange because he had seen Alex that afternoon. She'd been gorgeous and smiling and bubbling with easy laughter, the same as always. But now, with Ralph pressed against her, she looks tired – like the man saps away her spirit, sucking her dry of that innate sunlight she carries with her everywhere she goes.

He feels an uncomfortable, gnawing sensation in the pit of his stomach as he watches Ralph stroke a hand up her back and into thick, bouncing curls. He drops his eyes, swallowing hard. Denying he's fallen in love with the unattainable target girl would be laughable at this point – he searches her out in crowds, mopes on days when she's too busy to visit the menagerie tent and lights up on the days when she can. He worries about her constantly and in spite of Arthur's warnings, he can't bring himself to care if Ralph notices him staring. Staring is all he can have and not even fear of Ralph and his knives could take his only luxury from him.

Downing the rest of his whiskey, Matt doesn't look up as the music fades to something a little more upbeat, uninterested in how Alex manages to drag her drunken husband from the makeshift dance floor. He occupies himself by nudging Kaz for another drink, grinning half-heartedly when she rolls her eyes and pours him a bit of moonshine from the bottle she's been drinking directly from.

"Cheers," he mumbles with a sigh, and takes a large gulp.

She eyes him in disapproval. "Easy. Can that body even hold its drink?"

"Like you can talk, you albino spider." He scowls at her and she snorts, opening her mouth to retort, but after a quick glance over his shoulder, her face softens and she snaps her mouth shut. He raises a suspicious eyebrow. "What?"

"Nothing. Just don't want to kick you while you're down." She shrugs and squeezes his arm just as a shadow falls over him and he turns on instinct, his heart already clenching because he knows. He pastes on a bright smile anyway at the sight of Alex standing in front of him, Ralph lingering behind her like a dark phantom, clutching her hand for balance. Alex doesn't seem to mind, ignoring him in favor of swiping Matt's glass.

"You don't mind, do you?" She asks, and drinks before he can answer, giving the glass back with her lipstick print around the rim. She wipes at her mouth delicately and grins. "All that dancing makes a girl parched."

He shakes his head wordlessly, unable to help the small smile that curls his lips at the sight of her

– cheeks flushed and mischievous twinkle in her eyes. Despite his earlier mood, it's impossible not to feel light-hearted when Alex is near and looking at him like that. "Help yourself." He glances at the lipstick print on his glass pointedly and Alex has the good grace to blush. "Can I get you anything else, doll?"

"Oh hush." She takes the glass back and wipes away the print with the tulle skirt of her costume, smearing it a good deal more than she cleans it. "There, good as new."

He traces his fingertips over the rim of the glass and murmurs, "I beg to differ."

Alex bites her lip, smiling.

"You know what I find pathetic?"

They both start at the sound of Ralph's voice – Matt had honestly forgotten he was ever there but it's obvious now, with him looming behind Alex, his chin on her shoulder. She stiffens at his closeness, the light leaving her eyes and the smile dropping from her face. She casts her gaze to the ground instead, fidgeting hands clasped in front of her. It's quite disturbing to watch the transformation, as if someone had flipped a switch and turned her off.

"I mean, really pathetic?" Ralph's eyes, glittering with alcohol, land on Matt. "Watching a man hopelessly in love scramble after a woman so far beyond his reach." He turns his face and nuzzles into Alex's neck, either oblivious or indifferent to the way she leans away from him, her whole frame tense. "A woman who blatantly teases his affections. Such a naughty girl, Alex. One day, I shall kill you for it."

Matt's whole body jerks and he lurches forward, eyes wide and hands outstretched to wring the man's scrawny neck but Kaz grabs his jacket, yanking him back. "How dare you -"

"Matt, stop it." Alex watches him with wide, frightened eyes and it's that more than Kaz's tight hold on the tails of his jacket that stills his struggling. She manages a small bout of high, nervous laughter, her hands gripping Ralph's shirt to hold him upright as he glares at Matt. "He's had a bit too much to drink tonight, that's all – he just needs to sleep it off."

Arthur eases out of his chair, stamping out his cigarette on the table. "I'll help you get him back -"

"Don't trouble yourself, dear." Alex smiles softly at him, shaking her head as she eases an arm

around Ralph's waist. "We'll manage – always do."

Arthur gives a reluctant nod and with one last darting glance at Matt, who hasn't stopped staring at her, Alex turns and begins to lead her husband away. He watches them walk back toward the train tracks and their car until the dark night swallows them up, and Kaz pats his back in sympathy.

"We tried to tell you," she says, relighting Arthur's cigarette for him. "She'll never leave him."

Pushing aside the glass with the smeared lipstick, Matt shrugs, like his chest doesn't feel hollowed out and empty. "He can keep her. Just give me a drink, would you?"

"I've got a drink for you." He raises his head tiredly and finds one of the dancing girls standing in front of him, a bottle of moonshine dangling from her fingertips. She smiles and he tries to remember her name. Something floral. Lily? "But you'll have to let me sit with you."

Before he can scoot over to make room, she plants herself right on his lap, arranging her short, feathered skirt over her thighs before draping her arms around his neck. She smirks, her lips bright pink, the same color as the rouge on her cheeks. God, what is her name? Violet? She offers him the bottle with a tantalizing little shake and he snatches it from her. "Thanks," he mumbles, and drinks.

Kaz raises an eyebrow at him but turns her back, leaving him to it. The girl – Flora? Rosemary? – threads her fingers through his hair and traces her fingertips over his eyebrows and down his nose, coy smile firmly in place. The dancing girls have been throwing themselves at him since the day he arrived, for reasons he can't begin to fathom. Arthur says it's because he keeps refusing them and they like the challenge but Arthur also thinks it's hilarious so Matt isn't quite sure his opinion can be trusted.

"You know, there's a perfectly good seat right next to me," he says after his third sip.

The girl – Daisy? Yes, that's it. Daisy. – merely blinks at him. "I'm comfortable where I am, sugar. You don't mind, do you?"

"I -" He sets his jaw, his mind wandering back to a hollow-eyed blonde walking away from him, making excuses for her drunken husband. She'll never leave him. Determination in his every move, Matt slowly slides a hand up Daisy's knee and squeezes. "Of course not."

Daisy lights up, giving a pleased wriggle as she settles closer against him. "Good."

He passes the rest of the night with her at his side, bestowing him with lingering touches and kisses that leave a stale taste in his mouth. He flirts with the sole intent of taking her to bed, determined to rid himself of Alex and his ridiculous, unattainable love for her in any way he can. He drinks until dancing with her pressed against him doesn't make him uncomfortable. He wraps his arms around her waist and strokes her hair, lets his mouth brush her ear and along her cheek. He closes his eyes and whispers exactly what he'll do to her once they're alone. Daisy shudders and kisses him, hands wrapped firmly around the collar of his jacket to keep him close.

Those who haven't yet retired to bed at sunrise watch them stumble off together, arms wrapped around each other, and he knows by the time he wakes, everyone in the camp will know. He stops suddenly, staggering in place, Daisy clinging to his arm and giggling into his shoulder. "Matt?"

Everyone will know – including Alex.

The thought of her sitting down to breakfast in the morning and hearing from gossipmongers that he'd taken a dancing girl to bed after she left… his stomach churns. It shouldn't matter to him what she thinks. He's a grown man and he can do what he likes. Just as her life is none of his business, his life is none of hers. Still, it does matter. It matters a great deal what Alex thinks of him.

Daisy kisses his neck and walks her fingers slowly up his chest. "You promised me a place to stay tonight, remember?"

He nods hurriedly and feels his stomach lurch. Clapping a hand over his mouth, he mumbles through his fingers, "I think I'm going to be sick."

Instantly, Daisy steps away from him, nose wrinkled, and he has just enough time to turn away from her before he sinks to his knees and heaves up the contents of his stomach – an acrid combination of homemade moonshine and cheap whiskey. It burns at his throat like acid and he gags, fisting the grass under his hands as he vomits. Behind him, Daisy pats his back awkwardly and murmurs quietly to him, obviously trying to be soothing. When his stomach stops protesting and he's strong enough to lift his head, she smiles thinly at him.

"Alright?"

He nods weakly.

"I'll just go back to mine, then. Let you rest." She raises an eyebrow. "Unless you still want a bit of company?"

"Honestly?" She nods. "I'd really like to sleep."

She fiddles with her feathered skirt, looking oddly shy for a woman who planted herself on his lap a few hours ago. "I thought you might." She smirks. "Pity, though. I'm very good."

He nods, flushing. "I'm sure you are."

With one last wink, she turns on her heel and starts walking away, hips swaying. "Goodnight, lion tamer."

Matt waves half-heartedly after her, breathing a sigh of relief. Wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand, he climbs shakily to his feet. Still a little nauseated, he walks slowly past all the train cars and the sick feeling magnifies tenfold when he shuffles past the train car where Alex and Ralph sleep, as he does most nights in hopes of catching a glimpse of her. Tonight, the doors are closed and Matt walks by with his head down, his stomach churning again.

An appreciative groan on his lips when he reaches his own train car, he climbs in with absolutely no grace whatsoever, banging his knees against the side of the car as he clambers inside. He curses under his breath, trying not to wake the already sleeping Kaz and Arthur. Crawling over them in the dark, he retreats to his little corner and curls up on the straw bed, drawing his scratchy woolen blanket up to his chin. His last thought before sleep is that even if Daisy thinks he's a sap now, at least Alex's opinion of him is safe.

Alex hasn't spoken to him in days.

In fact, he doesn't think she has so much looked at him since the impromptu party in New Orleans. She leaves with Ralph every morning after breakfast instead of joining him, Arthur, and Kaz. She doesn't even seek him out in the menagerie tent in the afternoons and even if she's still angry over what happened between him and Ralph the other night, surely she would stop by to see the lions, if nothing else. Tut has been moping about for days, grumpier than usual and snarling at Matt's commands.

His agitation makes Matt nervous – a moody lion in the middle of the arena is a disaster waiting to happen. He tries not to be anxious around the lions, knowing they'll sense it, so their second night in Dallas, he waits outside the menagerie tent until it's time for his act, bouncing on the balls of his feet, hands shoved into the pockets of his red coat. In the Big Top across the way, the crowd roars, enthralled by the fire-eater. It's a full house tonight, every seat taken. He'd glimpsed all the happy, smiling faces earlier when he'd peeked inside during Alex's act. He hates watching, can barely breathe until the last knife has been thrown and he knows she's safe, but he can't bear not to watch either, as if his worried eyes on her will be enough to protect her.

She hadn't acknowledged him after, walking by swiftly, her head down and Ralph at her side. Matt had watched her go and wondered why he bothered caring what she thought – she clearly doesn't care what he does or whom he's with. She cares only about the bastard who treats her like a possession. He only wishes he'd heeded Kaz and Arthur's advice from the beginning – falling in love with a married woman is a sad fate, indeed. It's just too late to do anything about it now.

He sighs, pacing in front of the menagerie tent until he hears his cue – Uncle Moff introducing the tightrope walker in his booming voice, promising the lions they've been waiting for all night right after. The butterflies are ever present right before a show and they don't really disappear until he's in the center of the arena. No matter how many times he does this, no matter how much he trusts his animals, he doubts he'll ever stop being nervous.

Straightening his shoulders and running a hand through his hair, Matt breathes deeply and strides into the menagerie tent, swiping the tent flap out of his way to reveal Alex standing in front of the lion cage, smiling and cooing at the great beasts. Tut nuzzles into her palm like a housecat, purring. Melting a little at the sight of them, Matt crosses his arms over his chest and smiles. "They've missed you, you know." Alex jumps, snatching her hand out of the cage and turning to look at him like a child with her hand caught in the cookie jar. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you."

She glances away quickly, turning to pat Tut on the head fondly. "It's fine," she says softly. "I missed them too."

He hesitates, suddenly feeling miles away from her instead of just a few paces. "And I missed you

– practice isn't quite the same without you around."

Shoulders tense, Alex drops her hand once again and bites her lip. "I've been busy."

"It's fine. Honestly. I knew he'd -" He stops, shaking his head, and repeats, "It's fine."

Alex frowns. "No, what? Finish."

He brushes past her, fishing the keys for the cage from his trouser pocket. "It doesn't matter."

"You knew who would what?" She steps in front of him, blocking the lock from his reach and looking up at him stubbornly. Dressed in a blue sequined top, a tulle skirt and ballet slippers, she isn't exactly a formidable sight but Matt caves anyway, a knot of warring affection and hurt in his chest.

"I knew he'd eventually forbid you from seeing me." Alex stares at him, lips parted in surprise and eyes blank. He pushes her gently aside and she doesn't resist, stepping out of the way without a word. "He controls you, like a damned puppet. It was only a matter of time."

Unlocking the cage, he curls his hand around the barred door and glances at her. Lips pursed and chin quivering, she shakes her head. "You're wrong."

"Then why have you been avoiding me?"

Alex doesn't reply, clenching her jaw tightly and staring at the ground.

"Is it because of what happened the other night? Because I'm sorry, all right?"

She glances up sharply, eyeing him with barely concealed hope.

"The bast– he was threatening you, Alex. I couldn't just sit there!" He deflates as her face falls. "I just snapped."

She clears her throat, eyes back on the ground once more. "He didn't mean it. He was fried."

"He's always fried," he snaps, and instantly regrets it when Alex flinches. "I'm sorry, I-"

"I have to go." She glances once more at the lions, her eyes softening as she looks at them. "Good luck tonight, Matt."

"Alex, wait." He reaches for her wrist, holding her just enough to stop her but not enough to keep her if she wants to escape. She doesn't try to get away but she tenses like a startled bird about to take flight. He brushes his thumb soothingly over her wrist and licks his lips. "I'm sorry -"

She trembles, and he hears the tremor in her sigh. "I'm sorry too." She refuses to meet his eyes but he sees the tears welling in them. "I'm being ridiculous. I just – I need time, okay? It isn't your fault."

"Right, of course." He nods, brow furrowed. "Take all the time you need." Still confused, he releases his grip on her wrist and Alex flees without another word, disappearing through the tent flap just as he hears the final applause for the tightrope walker. Pushing aside thoughts of Alex, he takes a deep breath and lets the butterflies take over.

Alex's brief visit had done wonders for the animals and they perform as he asks them to with little resistance. They even roll over onto their backs, legs in the air and bellies exposed at exactly the same time. Matt kneels between them and gives them tummy rubs, grinning up at the roaring crowd. He delights in looking out over the audience and seeing the smiling faces of children, in awe of the tamer of beasts.

He doesn't have time to think of Alex and their strange conversation until hours later, after the show concludes for the night and the lions are back in their cage. He likes rewarding them for their good work in the show with extra treats right before bed, fishing through his tin of oatmeal cookies for the ones with the most icing on them. He tosses one in toward Tut, snorting when Mek leaps on it with a possessive snarl.

"Hey, learn to share!" Mek ignores him, devouring the cookie, and he sighs, glancing at Tut. "You gonna to let her get away with that?" Tut shakes his wild golden mane and snuffles, swatting lazily at Mek as she strolls past him, treat won and tail swishing. Matt shakes his head, disgusted. "Some king of the jungle you are."

He puts away the biscuit tin and is just about to put out the lights and go to bed when he hears a commotion outside the tent. It sounds like yelling… in fact, it sounds alarmingly like Ralph yelling. Halfway to the tent flap before he's aware of even taking that first step, Matt nearly collides with Alex as she runs at full speed into the tent, barreling into him and sending them both sprawling backward.

The wind knocked from his lungs, Matt sputters and wheezes, staring up at her in shock. Alex scrambles off him hurriedly, eyes wide and wild, her hair in disarray. The costume she'd been wearing earlier tonight has been replaced with a nightgown, thin and trimmed with lace. Even

clearly panicked, she looks like a vision. "Alex?" He manages as he gets his breath back, sitting up on his elbows. "What are you -"

"Shh," she hisses, and yanks him to his feet urgently. "Hide me."

"What? Are you alright -"

She waves him away impatiently, glancing over her shoulder. "I'm fine, I just – Ralph is quite angry with me. I would have gone to Kaz but I wasn't sure she could hold him off this time and I remembered you said -" She looks up at him pleadingly, eyes hopeful and he nods, grasping her by the elbows and pulling her further into the menagerie tent.

"This way," he whispers, and leads her toward the lion cage. "You'll be safe in here."

"Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?" She asks, watching him fumble with the keys. The lions perk up at the sight of her, tails swishing and purrs in their throats already. Matt would be jealous if he weren't so damn grateful. Nowhere in the world will be safer for Alex than in there with them.

"You know they won't hurt you," he says, and opens the door, ushering her inside. As the sound of Ralph's voice grows louder the closer he gets, no doubt searching every tent along the way for his runaway wife, Matt shuts the cage door with a clang and locks it, handing the keys to Alex through the bars. "Hold onto those."

She barely has time to hide them behind her back before Ralph storms into the tent, one of his knives clutched in a fist. "Where is she?"

Matt steps aside with a smirk, revealing Alex standing in the middle of the lion cage, barefoot in her nightie, surrounded by three great beasts. They circle around her almost protectively, tawny eyes on Ralph the way Matt imagines they might survey their prey, had they ever actually been in a jungle. To him, they're nothing but overgrown, tame housecats but right now, they're a fearsome sight to behold.

Ralph growls, stalking toward the cage. "Get out of there, Alex."

She laughs, a short hollow sound that makes Matt's stomach twist. "Go to hell, dear."

"Do you want to be eaten, you ignorant -"

The moment he's close enough to the bars, Mek strikes out a paw, swiping angrily at him and snarling. Ralph stumbles back in surprise but he recovers quickly, brandishing his knife in front of him. Tut realizes his intention before Matt does and releases a mighty roar, stepping in front of Alex. Sharp teeth exposed and lips curled back in a snarl, he looks just as fierce as any jungle lion and Matt silently apologizes for questioning his ferocity.

Ralph backs up with his hands in the air until Tut stops growling at him, his eyes locked on Alex. "If you don't get out of that damned cage right now and come back with me, there will be consequences, do you understand?"

Alex rests a hand on top of Tut's head and lifts her chin defiantly. "And there won't be any consequences if I go with you?" He glowers. "It looks as if I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. But between the two of you, sugar, I think I'll risk the lion's den."

Ralph turns on him without warning, grasping Matt by the collar of his coat and shoving him up against the bars of the cage. The lions rumble threateningly. "Where are the keys? Give them to me."

Matt doesn't struggle, raising a thin eyebrow and hoping he manages to look bored by the boorish display. "Sorry old boy, I don't have them."

A jingle of keys catches his attention and Ralph looks up to see Alex holding them aloft, safely ensconced in the cage with her. "Do you mean these keys, husband?"

Ralph lunges for them and Tut roars again, nearly catching his fingers between sharp teeth. Cursing, he releases Matt with a hard shove. Straightening his coat in annoyance, Matt glances reassuringly back at Alex just to make sure she really is fine and returns his attention to her fuming husband. Attempting a calm, soothing voice rather than giving in to the urge to pummel the bastard, he says, "Go to bed, Ralph. Sleep it off. You're not getting near her while you're half-seas over – at least not without losing a limb first." He meets the blonde's eyes in challenge, working his jaw silently. "And that's before the lions get to you."

A warning in his gaze for Alex, Ralph pockets his knife slowly. "Your darling beau can't protect you forever, my little vamp." He bows mockingly, smirking at them like he's already won. "I'll see you at breakfast."

He turns and strides out calmly, as if he hadn't come charging into the tent ten minutes ago like a raging bull and the moment he's gone, Matt slumps against the bars of the cage with a sigh of relief. The lions settle instantly and the sudden absence of Ralph's grumbling threats and the growling of wild animals is startling. It's only in the stark silence that Matt remembers he and Alex aren't exactly on the best of terms at the moment.

She seems to remember at the same time he does, clearing her throat hesitantly. He turns and manages a thin smile. "Alright?"

She nods, holding out the keys to him through the bars. He takes them, his fingers brushing hers, and they both gasp quietly and pretend not to notice. "Thank you, Matt," she says softly. "I'm sorry for interrupting your night with my problems."

"Don't be a dumbbell." He unlocks the cage and holds out a hand. Alex takes it and allows him to help her out, noticing for the first time how very small her hands are. He squeezes them lightly, inspecting her palms and fingers for cuts, unsettled by the idea of Ralph swinging his knife around when he's angry. "He didn't -"

She shakes her head, pulling her hands from his with a wry smile. "I'm quick."

"You shouldn't have to be." He grits his teeth and shakes his head, his whole frame nearly vibrating with fury. "Was he zozzled again?"

"No," she answers simply, turning from him to shut the door to the cage, clicking the lock into place. "Just angry."

Matt leans against the cage and right into her line of vision, watching her avoid his gaze guiltily. "Why?"

She bites her lip. "I slapped him."

"You what?" He gapes at her, the hysterical urge to burst into laughter tickling at the back of his throat. He stifles it quickly but cannot help grinning in amusement as Alex blushes prettily.

"He was provoking me," she mutters, ducking her head. "Telling me – oh, it doesn't matter. The

point is he made me angry. So I slapped him."

"And then?"

She shrugs. "And then I ran. Self-preservation, I suppose."

He watches her reach through the bars of the cage to stroke her finger down Tut's nose fondly, pointedly avoiding his gaze, and his mind races. What could Ralph have possibly said to make Alex angry enough to slap him? He's never seen her well and truly in a lather before – he imagines it's quite the sight to behold. He didn't even know she was capable of being angry with her husband. She never is, not even when she has every right to be – like when he drunkenly threatens to kill her. Even then, she'd only been angry with Matt. Her husband had been the reason he'd snapped, the reason Alex had needed to leave the party to look after him, the reason Matt made a drunken fool of himself in front of Daisy –

Oh.

Christ, he's an idiot.

He'd been so wrapped up in the knowledge that he hadn't actually bedded Daisy that he hadn't thought at all about whether or not everyone who had watched him leave with her knew it. That familiar, nauseated feeling returns with a vengeance and his grip on the bars of the cage turns white-knuckled as he thinks of Alex hearing from gossip-mongering, unreliable sources that he'd left the party with Daisy clinging to him. He imagines them recounting to her how he'd laughed and flirted and danced with her and kissed her, and suddenly Alex's silence makes sense.

Except it still really doesn't.

"Well," Alex sighs, dusting off her hands and turning to him with a faint smile. "Would you mind sharing your corner of the train tonight? I don't believe I'll be welcome in mine."

He blinks at her, mind still firing rapidly in an effort to connect all the pieces. "Erm, yes. Of course." He offers her his arm and she links hers through it with a grateful wink. "I wouldn't let you go back tonight anyway."

Or at all, if he had his say.

Alex follows him along willingly enough but he can feel how tense she is, the way she leans away from him rather than into his side like she might have before – well, before he made a drunken, jealous fool of himself. "Have I said thank you yet? Because I don't know what he would have done if he'd caught up with me. I've never seen him so enraged before."

Matt tightens his grip on her arm and shakes his head. "I didn't do anything – the lions did."

"You're right." She nudges him playfully. "You were quite useless – they did all the real work. Remind me to give them extra cookies tomorrow."

"Does that mean you'll actually visit me tomorrow?" Alex stiffens, looking anywhere but at him. "It's only, you said you needed time and I -"

"I know what I said, but -"

"I didn't sleep with her," he blurts, unable to stand another moment of her believing otherwise.

Alex stops walking, turning to look at him with wide eyes as her arm slips from his. "Who?"

"Daisy."

Paling, she shakes her head quickly. "I don't -"

"Alex," he breathes, and she pauses, silent. Taking her small hands reverently in his own, Matt meets the heavy weight of her gaze unwaveringly. "I didn't sleep with her."

He watches her throat work as she swallows thickly. "You didn't?"

Shaking his head, he feels her relax in his grip, the tension falling away from the tips of her fingers as they rest against his. Her eyes glitter in the dark as they stand out in the open, caught between the circus tents and the train tracks in the distance. "But why do you care if I did? You're married, remember?"

Alex snatches her hand from his and starts walking without him, her pace so rapid he struggles to keep up with her. "I don't care," she insists flippantly. "She's just… dancing girls have reputations, you know. Ralph is... quite friendly with them. You can do better, that's all."

"So can you." He stumbles after her and reaches out, capturing her hand once more and pulling her to a stop. "What are you doing with that sap, Alex? I know you don't love him. My god, you're gorgeous and talented and any man on earth – including me – would consider himself damned lucky to even touch your hair. What hold could he possibly have over you?"

"He's all I have!" She snaps, tears welling in her eyes. "Ever since I was eighteen years old, that man is all I've had! I barely remember anything but him! And I certainly couldn't remember what it really felt like to have someone who gave a damn." He stares at her, heart squeezing painfully in his chest, and Alex sniffles, her nose bright red. "Not until now, anyway."

She doesn't resist when he gathers her into his arms, her own slipping beneath his coat to wrap around his waist. He holds her tightly to him, resting his chin on top of her curls and letting her bury her face in his chest, her whole body trembling. He hums soothingly, stroking his hand up and down her back, dropping gentle kisses into her hair. "It's alright," he whispers softly, his voice catching. "You've got me now, sweetheart. And I can promise you I'm not going anywhere."

"He could kill you," she says into the tear-stained fabric of his shirt. "He still might."

"I'm not afraid of him." He grasps her shoulders and pulls away to smile down at her, hoping he looks vaguely reassuring. He taps her nose fondly, laughing quietly when she wrinkles it. "I've got three lions. What's he got? A couple of pocket knives?"

She snorts but looks cheered and he counts it as a victory. "You underestimate him, darling."

"Or you underestimate me. Your faith in me is terribly flattering." He grabs her hands and begins to pull her along gently. "Now come on, you need to sleep."

They make it the rest of the way back to the train car Matt shares with Kaz, Arthur, and the occasional stray clown without incident. He helps her to climb inside and holds her hand as they stumble over the sleeping bodies strewn over the floor, giggling breathlessly until they make it to his own private corner. He fluffs up the straw and lays down his blanket, helping Alex settle in before throwing his coat over her to keep the chill away. He brushes her hair from her cheek and whispers, "Goodnight, Alex."

"Wait, where are you going?"

He gestures helplessly behind him, hoping he won't have to explain that he'd planned on curling up without a coat or a blanket in the middle of the floor so she wouldn't think he was trying to take advantage of her. "I was just -"

She rolls her eyes and lifts the coat. "Get over here, darling. As if I'll just take your bed and not share it, honestly."

"Well I didn't want to presume," he grumbles, stifling a smile as he joins her. He curls his lanky frame around her smaller, curvy one, wrapping an arm around her waist and hoping it keeps her a little warmer. "Is this alright?"

Instead of answering him verbally, Alex turns to nuzzle into his side and tilts her head, her soft lips brushing over his in the dark. He inhales so sharply in surprise he nearly coughs on air but he recovers quickly, raising a hand to slide into her curls and hold her to him as she opens her mouth hungrily, slicking her hot tongue over the seam of his lips. He groans softly, opening his mouth to allow her inside. She tastes like moonshine and powdered sugar, a strange, intoxicating combination that makes him cling to her as she devours him. Hands on either side of his face, Alex plunders his mouth greedily, little breathy sighs escaping her lips as she runs her tongue over his teeth, slides it along his own and sucks.

Head spinning, he whimpers and barely manages to remind himself through the cloud of lust quickly fogging his brain that one, they are not alone in the car and two, Alex is too emotional to be making any decisions right now – especially ones as serious as infidelity. Even with those things in mind, he cannot bring himself to stop kissing her, so he starts slowly, sliding his hands up her arms to cradle her face in his hands until she drops hers from his cheeks. He hums soothingly into her mouth. She melts against him and he gentles her kisses with soft, slow brushes of his lips over hers, stroking her cheeks with the pads of his fingers. He presses her into the straw floor and kisses her languidly, soft and feather-light, like a happy, wordless bedtime story. You're safe with me, he promises silently, his mouth against hers sealing the oath.

Exhausted and emotionally wrung out, Alex slips away into dreams with her lips still pursed against his own. Matt pulls back with a sigh, stroking her hair from her face and brushing his thumb lightly over the corner of her mouth. This gorgeous, vulnerable, imperfect woman will be the death of him.

"Sweet dreams, doll-face," he whispers into the dark, and curls his body protectively around hers through the night.

But I'd be yours if you'd be mine

Chapter Summary

He doesn't see Alex all day. She'd promised she'd at least stop avoiding the lions but the longer she stays away, the more his bitter imagination conjures images of all the making up she has to do with her husband.

Chapter Notes

Chapter title from Lover of the Light by Mumford and Sons. Thank you all so much for your lovely comments on the last chapter - they were very much adored and appreciated. You have no idea how encouraging it is to know that you're enjoying the fic!

He opens his eyes in the morning to an empty train car and quickly squashes the disappointment before it can settle over him. He'd known there was a chance he would wake up alone – Alex had been looking for a temporary place to sleep until her volatile husband had time to calm down, not a permanent place to rest her head. Rolling over to stare at the faded ceiling of the car, Matt touches his fingertips to his lips and recalls the taste of her kiss, the hot, hungry slide of her mouth over his. It hadn't meant anything, he tells himself firmly. It was just a distraught woman seeking comfort from a friend.

He sits up and runs his hands through his hair, picking out bits of straw and stretching languidly. He climbs from the car, walks to the meal tent and nods to people he sees on his way, congratulating himself on handling the situation like a mature adult rather than a jealous boy – and he keeps being a mature adult right up until the moment he sits down at his usual table and with his plate of breakfast and cup of coffee, looking across the room out of habit to search out Alex. She's sitting across from Ralph, allowing him to slice an apple with the same knife he'd been threatening both of them with last night, handing her the pieces with a pleasant smile and watching her eat them.

Matt can't help staring outright in incredulity. She's just sitting there, almost smiling at him, and eating the slices of fruit he hands her – like nothing at all had happened last night. Like she hadn't needed to surround herself with wild animals to keep Ralph from harming her. He drops his gaze angrily to his plate and ignores his friends' concerned glances, letting his coffee go cold. There is no denying he's jealous – whether that kiss had meant anything to Alex or not it had meant something to him and god, how can he watch her with her husband when he'd held her in his arms last night, warm and soft and trembling?

This isn't just about him and how stupidly he'd fallen in love with a woman he can't have. It's about Alex and what's she's doing to herself, willingly staying with a man with such violent mood swings. One minute he's a charming as a snake and the next he's either drunk and threatening or sober and angry enough to hit her. One day, he's going to go too far. One day, she won't be quick enough to get out of his way.

More than anything – more than even the burning jealousy or the concern over her wellbeing – there is anger. Anger at Ralph for being the bastard he is, anger at himself for caring about a woman who refuses his help and any way out, and anger at Alex for always going back, for staying with a man who doesn't really love her while rejecting one who'd give her anything. Disgusted – with everyone including himself – Matt leaves his breakfast on the table and his coffee untouched, striding from the meal tent without a backward glance.

He retreats to the menagerie tent to hide away with his animals. It's the only place that feels sane anymore. He trains with Tut, Pac and Mek for the show that night, practicing relentlessly for hours, stopping only for water breaks and the occasional treat. He doesn't see Alex all day. She'd promised she'd at least stop avoiding the lions but the longer she stays away, the more his bitter imagination conjures images of all the making up she has to do with her husband.

By the time night falls and the crowds start pouring in, Matt is a ball of nervous energy, jealousy and anger. It's a dangerous, explosive combination but he has enough sense to stay away from people, pacing the length of the menagerie tent and listening to the noise coming from the Big Top, waiting for his cue. Unfortunately, Alex doesn't have the sense to avoid him, appearing moments before her act, hovering tentatively in the entryway.

"Thought I might find you in here," she says softly, beautiful in a ruffled yellow skirt over a sparkling leotard. He glances away, unable to stomach the way the sight of her still makes him want to reach out and touch her, in spite of everything. After a long moment of silence in which he stares a hole through the other side of the tent and Alex waits for him to reply, she finally speaks again. "I just wanted to say thank you, for last night. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't -"

"I'm sure someone else would have helped you," he says, shrugging.

"Maybe." He can sense her eyes on him as she moves closer, her fingers trailing whisper soft over the tent canvas. "But you did last night. I'm very grateful, Matt." She hesitates, the air around them thick with all the things she is choosing not to say. "I believe I may have overstepped the boundaries of our friendship last night – I was upset and I hope you can forgive me."

He flinches, grateful she can't see him. The warm press of her lips, the way she'd clung to him – he'll cherish it as long as he lives but it really hadn't meant a damn thing to her had it? "Don't mention it." He can't look at her, can't bring himself to turn around and watch her pretend that

she's fine; that she isn't so unhappy the only time she truly smiles is when she hasn't thought of her husband for hours. "Everything all right with you two then?"

"Yes, I think so." She sighs quietly, so close behind him he can almost imagines he feels the warmth of her breath against his neck. "I apologized to him."

"You apolo -" He stops, letting out a hysterical laugh, and finally turns to face her. Alex stares back at him, wide-eyed and pale. "You apologized? He chased after you with a knife and you apologized?" He snorts, shaking his head and turning his back on her once more. "They were right. You're going to stay with him for the rest of your miserable life, aren't you? Make excuses for him and walk that thin line, hoping if you're good and he's in the right mood -"

"What are you going on about, Matt?" Alex lays a hand on his arm, tugging gently, but he jerks out of her grip and steps away. "Darling -"

"I'm fine, Alex," he says blankly. "Go back to your loving husband. I'm sure he's noticed your absence by now."

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's the matter with you. " She reaches for him again, the touch of her hand burning his skin even through his tailcoat and the shirt beneath it. "You won't even look at me. I've ruined everything, haven't I? I'm sorry about last night, really I am-"

"Oh, for fuck's sake it's not about the kiss, Alex!" He whirls on her, coattails flaring around his knees and eyes burning with irritation. Mouth agape, she stares up at him in stunned silence. "You know it's not about that. It's about the way you go crawling back to him every time -" He swallows thickly, struggling to keep his voice from catching. The rest of his diatribe dies in his throat and he finishes with a soft, "You deserve better."

Tears welling in her eyes, Alex purses her lips and glances away. "What would you have me do?"

"Leave him!" He sputters, incredulous. "You don't have to be with me – I get it, you're not interested – but my god, leave!"

"And go where?" She turns her gaze back to him, green eyes bright with annoyance and oh she looks magnificent when she's angry with him. "The circus has been my home for so long I wouldn't even know what to do if I left it. I don't want to leave it – I don't know how to do anything else. And I certainly can't leave Ralph and remain here. I'm trapped, Matt. There is

nothing I can do."

He shakes his head, tears in his own eyes as he reaches out a hand and cups her cheek, his breath catching when she leans into him. "There is always something."

Across the lot, the sound of Uncle Moff's booming voice announcing the next act sends Alex stumbling away from, wiping hurriedly at her cheeks. "That's me. I have to go."

He nods, smiling tightly.

"Are we -" She hesitates, biting her lip hopefully. "Are we okay?"

"Course we are." He winks. "Good luck."

"You too." She turns to hurry off but stops, glancing back with a grin. "You're wrong, you know."

He frowns. "About what?"

"Me not being interested."

As the words and their meaning settle in, she disappears from the tent and Matt is left beaming stupidly at an empty room. Next to him, Tutankhamen snuffles and Matt glances over his shoulder, still smiling. "Oh, shut up."

Uncle Moff's office is right behind the head end of the train, a small but elegant little box with the words Hartnell Brother's Most Spectacular Show on Earth emblazoned across the side in fading paint. The inside is cluttered in an organized, mad genius sort of way – fantastical clothes scattered here and there, a bright blue curtain closed only halfway to reveal an actual bed behind it rather than the makeshift sort Matt and the others sleep on. On a scratched desk in the corner, along with a lit lantern and an array of antique pens, is a stack of papers held down by an elephant tusk. Behind the desk, Uncle Moff sits with a curious smile. "Well, if it isn't my successful little greenhorn. What can I do for you?"

Matt shuffles his feet anxiously, hands behind his back. "I wondered if I might have a few minutes of your time, sir. I've got a bit of a proposition for you."

Uncle Moff raises an intrigued eyebrow. "Come in, then. Have a seat."

The seat is more like an upturned wooden crate with a cushion on top but Matt sits anyway, tapping long fingers rapidly against his knee as Uncle Moff shuffles his papers and puts them away. When he finally looks up and gives Matt his full attention, he blurts, "It's about Alex."

It's been about Alex for days. He hasn't been able to stop thinking about how to get her away from her husband. He doesn't even know if she'll take the opportunity if she has it but he wants more than anything for her to have the choice. The thought of her feeling trapped in her marriage and in that potentially deadly circus act makes him physically ill. After turning the problem over in his mind for days on end, not breathing a word to anyone – even Alex herself – he thinks he has a solution but it will only work if Uncle Moff approves.

Uncle Moff frowns. "Alex Kingston? The target girl?"

"Is that her last name?" Matt lights up, grinning to himself. Kingston. It has a nice ring to it. Except… "Or is it his?"

Lips twitching, like he can read the disdain in Matt's voice, Uncle Moff shakes his head. "No. It's hers. About the only thing she had her own way about, I imagine. Now, what about her?"

Leaning forward in his seat, elbows on his knees and hands clasped between them, Matt lifts his gaze to Uncle Moff's. "I want to include her in my act. As my assistant."

Clearly caught off guard, Uncle Moff stares at him in silence for a long moment, brown eyes narrowed and scrutinizing. "Why?"

Matt resists the urge to fidget, looking the man squarely in the eye. "For one because she's being bloody wasted as a target girl and you know it as well as I do."

"And you think her talents would be better served as your assistant instead?"

Matt shrugs. "I think she'd be happier there. And I only plan to make her my assistant long enough to get her used to working with the lions – after that I'd rather she be my partner."

Uncle Moff lifts an eyebrow. "Two lion tamers in one act?"

"It's not unheard of," Matt argues. "And once I've got three lions in the act, it might be difficult on my own. I'm no professional. I could share my wages with her if you're worried about giving her a raise or -"

"Money isn't a problem, Mr. Smith. Our profits are more than adequate. But if it's a little help you want, I can certainly find someone available rather than taking a woman from her husband's act." Uncle Moff eyes him suspiciously. "Ralph would never have it, anyway."

"You're his boss – does it matter what he wants?"

"It does when it's his act and his wife." Uncle Moff snorts. "What's this about Mr. Smith?"

Matt sighs, raking his fingers through his hair. "What if I told you Alex doesn't want to be Ralph's partner anymore? In any sense."

"Ah." Uncle Moff frowns deeply, tapping his fingers against the edge of his rickety desk. "Well that changes things – you had me thinking you were just an infatuated boy looking to get a married woman alone." He grins and Matt flushes, shaking his head. "But if Alex is willing -"

"I don't know if she is yet or not, sir," he answers honestly. "I wanted to ask your permission before I mentioned it."

"Alright, if she decides that's what she wants I certainly won't stop her. Heaven knows she's put up with her ill-tempered husband longer than even a saint would have the patience for. Finding Ralph another target girl would be as easy as picking up a doe-eyed dame in the next town. But I won't have domestics interfering with my show." Uncle Moff looks at him pointedly; fingers pausing in their contemplative tap tapping. "If the two of them can't separate and remain civil, one of them will have to go."

Matt nods in understanding, chest tight with hope. "With all due respect, sir, if it comes to that, I suggest it would be easier to replace a knife-thrower than it would a lion tamer and a beautiful woman like Alex."

Eyes twinkling with mirth, Uncle Moff chuckles softly under his breath. "Yes, yes, you're a package deal now. Understood. Now get out of my office, Mr. Smith."

Finding Alex once he leaves proves to be a bit of a challenge. The menagerie tent and the meal tent are both empty, and he doesn't dare look for her in her car for fear Ralph is there too. He avoids walking past the car where the dancing girls sleep or the tent where they have their shows

– seedy little burlesque shows for men willing to pay a nickel. He doesn't want to risk running into Daisy. After what happened weeks ago, he still blushes in mortification whenever he sees her. Daisy only seems endlessly amused by it, which makes it worse.

Finally, the only place left to look is the Big Top and he spots her almost instantly, sitting by herself in the stands, head tilted up and a soft smile on her face as she observes Kaz and Arthur practice their act. Matt is long used to seeing them in action but she watches with fascination, delight, and a little bit of awe. He wonders if the look on her face is anything like the look on his when he stares at her.

As if sensing his gaze, Alex drops her eyes from Kaz and Arthur and sees him standing near the entrance, watching her with a soppy grin. She smiles back, lifting a hand to wave tentatively. He moves slowly toward her, feeling a bit like a fish wriggling on a hook, pierced through his belly and tugged along to the fisherwoman waiting on the other end. He sits next to her, closer than he probably should, and relishes the warmth of her thigh pressed against his. Alex doesn't try to scoot away or give him more room, seemingly content with him flush against her side, their arms brushing. For some unfathomable reason, it gives him hope.

"You certainly know how to wear a fella out," he says, nudging her gently.

Alex glances away from Kaz and Arthur, blinking at him. "Well I certainly do my best, darling," she purrs.

He snorts, forcing back a shiver lest she feel his whole frame shudder with it. "Not like that. I've been looking everywhere for you."

"Well, I've been right here."

"Yes, thank you. I realize that now." He shakes his head fondly. "What are you doing here anyway?"

She shrugs. "I like watching them." She glances up again and Matt follows her gaze, watching Kaz and Arthur leap through the air, always preternaturally aware of where the other is at all times. Swinging from a bar by his knees, Arthur lets go without warning, soaring through the air until his hands find Kaz's. From her, he swings away again, to the next bar and then it's Kaz's turn to let go, trusting him to catch her. "It's romantic, don't you think? Even in mid-air, they manage to find each other. The trust they must have in each other…"

Pursing his lips, Matt leans lightly into her side, smiling a little when he feels Alex press back against him, the corner of her mouth curling up. "I trust you that much."

She rolls her eyes, shaking her head, and he's so close her curls brush his cheek. "Oh, stop it."

"I'm serious." He nudges her again, plucking at a curl. "And don't pretend you don't trust me."

Alex snorts derisively. "You could argue that I trust Ralph just as much. I let him throw very sharp knives at me every night."

"That isn't trust, Alex. That's fear – you don't have a choice, remember?" He stares at her in silence until Alex huffs and turns to look at him, her mouth a thin line and her eyes pained. "But you're not afraid of me."

"No," she admits softly, green eyes scrutinizing his. "I'm not."

He grins. "You trust me. Come on, say it."

Alex glances away, laughing dryly as she crosses her arms over her chest.

"You let me lock you in a cage with three lions," he says, prodding her side with a finger.

Alex swats at his hand, obstinate as ever. "That was showing trust in the lions, darling. Not you."

"You came to me," he counters softly, eyeing her profile carefully and noting the way her eyes drop to her lap. "You ran from him and you came to me. You trusted that I would look after you – that I would catch you."

She swallows, glancing slyly at him, her curls obscuring half of her face. "And you did."

He nods, smiling gently. "I always will."

"Don't," she shakes her head, looking away again. "Don't make that promise."

"I already did. Can't take it back now." He leans forward, elbows on his knees and chin in his palms. "I need to talk to you about something, Kingston."

She glances up sharply, eyes narrowed. "Where did you hear that? I never told you my last name."

"And a shame it is, too. Brilliant last name." He beams. "I spoke to Uncle Moff this afternoon."

She frowns and mutters, "Of course. Who else?"

"Stop pouting, it's unbecoming, Kingston." She scowls and he laughs, determined to call her by her last name as often as possible. It fits – whether she likes it or not. "I have a proposition for you."

"Oh?" Her face changes instantly, intrigue lighting up green eyes. He watches the flush of curiosity deepen the pink in the apples of her cheeks and wonders if interest has ever looked quite so becoming on another. "What is it?"

"I want you to work with me." He takes a deep breath, filling his lungs with air and breathing out through his nose, hoping to calm the anxious racing of his heart. This is her chance, possibly the only one she'll ever get. He's extending a hand, offering to help her out of the bleak situation she's been stuck in for years, and if she doesn't take it, he doesn't know what he'll do. He can't bear to see her wilt another day in Ralph's shadow. "As my assistant."

Alex stares at him, lips parted in surprise. "But… Ralph -"

"Uncle Moff says it would be simple to hire another target girl," he says quickly, barely hearing the words that spill from his mouth over the rushing of blood in his ears and the litany of please say yes, please say yes. "And you could leave, Alex. You could work with me and the lions – you already spend so much time with us anyway, it would be easy to put you into the act."

She purses her lips tightly and glances away, tears welling in her eyes. "I would love that, darling. It sounds… too good to be true."

"But it isn't, Alex. Uncle Moff has already agreed -"

She shakes her head, eyes shut tight. "Do you really think Ralph would let me go peacefully? That I could just say I was leaving and move into your train car and live happily ever after?"

He sets his jaw stubbornly, reaching out to grasp her hand. She lets him, turning her palm over to lace their fingers together. He brushes his thumb softly over her knuckles. "Don't worry about him, Alex. Don't even think about him. This isn't about Ralph. This about you." He squeezes her hand and she looks up, tears slipping down her cheeks and tentative hope in her eyes. "Do you want this?"

She nods, swallowing thickly. "Very much," she whispers.

He grins hugely, unable to contain his relief as he drops kiss after kiss to her hand, still joined tightly with his. "Then that's all that matters. I'll take care of the rest."

Alex bites her lip, still looking unsure. "But darling -"

"He won't harm you. I swear it." He takes her other hand, bringing them both to his chest and pressing them over his heart, watching her earnestly. "You think I would ever let him near you?"

She shakes her head. "I'm not worried about me, darling. I'm worried about you."

"Me? I'm a lion tamer, Kingston." He winks; pressing his lips to her hands, warm perfumed skin he can't help but touch with reverence. "I can look after myself."

Smiling reluctantly, Alex releases a choked laugh that makes his chest tighten. "Are you sure about this? I wouldn't even know what to do -"

"And you think I did when I started? You know I was hopeless. Besides, I think you know a lot more than you give yourself credit for." He lets go of one of her hands to cup her cheek, thumb tenderly wiping away the remnants of tears there. She leans into the touch instantly, warming his heart without even trying. "Your stage presence is amazing. God, you don't even realize how much he's been holding you back, doll. You're going to be brilliant."

She sniffles, nose adorably red as she grins back at him, and he can't remember ever seeing her quite so happy. "Okay."

"Okay what?"

"Okay, I'll be your assistant."

His delight is instantaneous, climbing up his throat and spilling out of his mouth in a full-bellied, giddy chuckle. Alex looks just as elated, his brave girl who has seen her chance for freedom and snatched it with both hands. He yanks her into his arms and squeezes her to his chest. Nearly in his lap, Alex clings to him with a watery giggle. "Oh, you and I are going to be magnificent, Kingston. You won't regret this, I promise."

"I'll hold you to that, darling." She curls her small hand around the back of his neck, fingers stroking lightly, and he shudders, pressing his face into her hair.

"There's one more thing though," he says lowly, refusing to release her just yet. Alex doesn't seem in any hurry to move, her breath light and warm against his ear. "I don't want you to remain my assistant. Only until you're used to working with the lions in front of an audience."

Alex tenses and he squeezes her hip reassuringly. "And after I'm used to it?"

"Then I want you to be my partner."

She pulls away, pale and unblinking as she stares at him, arms still wrapped around his neck.

Their noses nearly brush and Matt goes a bit cross-eyed trying to look at her. "You what?"

He laughs softly, taking her face in his hands and pulling back to gaze at her properly. "I want you to be my partner, Alex. My equal."

"Me?" She asks faintly, eyes wide. "A lion tamer?"

"You were made for the job," he insists softly, and tugs at a blonde ringlet. "It's the hair."

Instead of laughing or rolling her eyes like he expects her to, Alex makes a choked noise that sounds suspiciously like a sob and throws her arms around his neck. Matt cradles her to him, arms wrapped tightly around her small frame. He rocks her back and forth for a long time, stroking a hand over her hair and letting her compose herself, shaky exhalations against his neck as she struggles not to cry. "Where were you eighteen years ago?" She finally manages, voice cracking.

"Woefully unaware of your existence, unfortunately," he mutters, kissing her hair. "You'd have liked me though. I was such a cute kid."

She shoves at his chest, laughing softly. "Must you remind me what a pervert I am?"

"There's a way to shut me up, you know." He tilts his head back and eyes her suggestively.

"I certainly do." She leans in and for a moment he thinks she's actually going to kiss him. His eyes flutter shut and some unnamed feeling curls around his ribs, squeezing the air from his lungs. He waits, feeling her breath warm and sweet against his mouth. And then he feels the press of her lips against the tip of his nose.

He blinks open his eyes and stares at her, speechless.

Alex grins mischievously. "Unconventional, but it did the job."

He harrumphs, hoping it will distract her from the way he blushes up to his ears, flustered as a schoolboy. "Is that a yes then, Kingston?"

She nods, tentative. "On one condition… let me tell Ralph in my own time." He opens his mouth to protest but Alex shakes her head, looking at him pleadingly. "It'll only be for a short while, just while we practice. I need time to figure out a way to tell him. Me leaving him and the act – for you and your lions, no less. He's so unpredictable, there's no telling what he'll do when he finds out."

"He will find out, Alex, one way or another. People talk. It would be best if he heard it from you."

"And I'll tell him." She drops her eyes. "Just not yet."

"You don't have to be afraid of him, you know."

She lifts her gaze, smiling weakly. "Hard habit to break, darling."

He sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face and ruffling his hair in agitation. "And you're going to, what? Remain with him in the meantime?"

"I've gotten along just fine up to now. Another week or so won't hurt." She leans in again but he keeps his eyes open this time, watching her lips purse, a smile still somehow curving her mouth and rounding the apples of her cheeks as she presses a fond kiss to his nose. "Trust me. Trust me like I trust you."

He nods reluctantly, an uncomfortable knot in his chest. "If he finds out before you tell him -"

Alex smiles, looking at him with such faith it makes his heart leap into his throat. "You'll be there to catch me."

And here I am holding on to you

Chapter Summary

It's as easy as breathing to incorporate Alex into his act. She already spends nearly as much time with the animals as he does and he has his suspicions the lions like her more than they do him. Not that he can blame them. Alex would be his favorite too.

Chapter Notes

Chapter title from You've Got the Moon by Josh Ritter.

The circus moves from Oklahoma City to Santa Fe within two weeks, and all the while Alex remains with Ralph, training with Matt whenever she can get away. She continues her role as target girl in the meantime and he can tell having the duties of both jobs is starting to wear on her but he doesn't push – mostly because the changes he sees in her are so encouraging. Spending more time away from Ralph, she smiles nearly constantly and laughs often. She's full of ideas for their act, nearly bouncing with excitement whenever she strolls into the menagerie tent in the afternoons. When they're practicing their act, she radiates a new confidence he's never seen from her before, as if she were born to be in the spotlight. Matt can see her blossoming right before his eyes and it makes every effort, every moment spent watching her from afar, every chance he took being gutted with one of Ralph's knives just for befriending her worth it.

It's as easy as breathing to incorporate Alex into his act. She already spends nearly as much time with the animals as he does and he has his suspicions the lions like her more than they do him. Not that he can blame them. Alex would be his favorite too. They respond to her like she's a part of them, and with her help, Pachet is added to the act to incorporate all three lions at once. With Alex, he feels as if he has finally found his place in this circus and it's with her working alongside him.

There's only one problem, he realizes, walking back to the menagerie tent carrying two heavy buckets filled with water. Though, he has to admit, it's a rather wonderful problem to have. The more time Alex spends with him and the nearer she is, the closer he finds himself to sheer insanity. The woman is driving him spare with her little touches and smiles and the memory of their kiss always lingering in the back of his mind, a temptation he dare not give in to for fear of ruining everything.

Dropping the water buckets next to the others inside the tent, Matt dusts his hands off on his trousers and heaves a sigh, standing back to survey his work. Ten buckets of water should be enough, shouldn't it? He doesn't think he has the strength to make another trip so it will have to

be. He nods decisively, lifting his head to grin at his lions, watching him curiously. "We're going to have some fun. Just as soon as Kingston gets here."

He could swear their eyes light up at the sound of her name, though he knows it's a ridiculous, fanciful notion. He's the one who lights up – at her name, the sound of her voice, the sight of those curls. Everything she is and does makes it difficult to concentrate – the way the hem of her dress lifts to reveal lovely knees whenever she raises her arms to direct the lions, the gentle but commanding way she handles them, her bright laugh whenever Tut rests his giant head in her lap, the way she touches Matt nearly constantly, her hands always lingering a moment too long. He would think she was doing it on purpose if it didn't know Alex so well – the seemingly innocent touches are just that. She has no idea what she does to him. He ignores the affect she has on him the best he can, focusing on making sure she feels comfortable and safe, teaching her what little he knows and working with her to make the act as exciting as possible. His own feelings are temporarily on hold.

"What's all this?"

He turns, a grin already on his face, and finds Alex standing just inside the tent, hands on her hips and eyebrow raised questioningly. Dressed in a pair of tight-fitting khakis, boots and a white blouse, her curls carefully tucked away in another colorful scarf, she looks as tempting as ever and he struggles to keep from stuttering. No matter how many times a week he sees her, that first glimpse at the beginning of each new day is enough to make him speechless. Clapping his hands together and rubbing them in anticipation, he declares, "Today, we're giving them a bath."

She stares, head tilted in quiet disbelief. "We're what?"

"Come on, they're filthy – look at them." He gestures to the cage where Tut sits staring at them, mane tangled around his head. Pac and Mek stand behind him, covered in bits of straw and dirt. "I want them to be relatively clean for our first show in California."

She sighs, dropping her hands from her hips. "Alright, but if they rebel, I'm letting them eat you."

"A blatant lie." He tosses her a sponge and she catches it with a roll of her eyes at his smug glance. "You'd miss me."

"Actually, with you out of the way, I could just take over the whole show," she reasons, smirking at him.

He scoffs. "Like you haven't already." She doesn't reply, pursing her lips together and winking. Grinning goofily, Matt turns and unlocks the cage. Getting the animals lined up and sitting still is easy enough, but it's an entirely different story once they start tossing buckets of water on them. Like all cats, they don't appreciate water anywhere but in a bowl for them to drink, but unlike all those other cats, these overgrown ones have claws and sharp teeth and very intimidating roars.

They would never hurt Matt or Alex, at least not on purpose, but they squirm and roll around on the ground like children, anything to get away from the water and soapy sponges. They put up a valiant fight as Matt and Alex wrestle with them, laughing helplessly and sustaining a few scratches for their trouble. Water soaks Matt's shirt and his trousers but in a struggle to get Tut's mane clean and tangle free, Alex gets her hair doused and it drips down her back and the front of her white shirt in lank, dark golden curls.

Clutching his sponge, Matt collapses into laughter at the sight of her, mouth open in shock and annoyance in her brow. Even dripping wet and scowling, she looks absolutely fetching but before he can manage to tell her so, Alex huffs, "Oh, shut up," and throws her sponge at his head.

He squawks, ducking away, but not before the sponge manages to swipe over his hair, making it stand on end, soapy and damp. Alex bites her lip but fails to suppress a giggle, clapping a hand over her mouth. "Alright, Kingston. You've had it now." Rolling to the side, he grabs a half empty bucket of water and lunges. Alex shrieks with laughter, scrambling away from him and over the grumpy, drenched lions in her path. He soaks her front anyway, tossing aside the bucket to give chase. "Surrender yet?"

She answers him with a bucket of water to the face, leaving him coughing and sputtering, his fringe dripping into his eyes. Holding the empty bucket to her chest, she stands only a few paces away, watching him with laughing eyes. "Oops."

Shoving his hair from his face, he growls, "Oh, you saucy little bearcat-" He surges forward, arms outstretched, and Alex only has time to shout in surprise before he tackles her right to the ground, pinning her wrists above her head and straddling her waist. She struggles for only a moment before giving up, laughing too hard to put any real effort into getting away. Chuckling, Matt gazes down at her fondly, watching her get her giggles under control, and notices for the first time how soaked her white shirt has become. Soaked enough that he can tell she isn't wearing a thing beneath it, the sheer, wet material giving him a tantalizing glimpse of rosy, peaked nipples.

Swallowing hard, he instantly leaps away, scrambling to his feet with a pounding heart. Alex blinks up at him in confusion and he tries to smile, holding out a hand. "Truce?"

Grinning again, she nods and slips her hand into his, letting him help her to her feet. "Truce, darling."

They turn their attention back to the animals, clean now but still dripping wet. Matt deals with Pac and Mek, drying them off as best he can with towels and running a brush quickly over their short coats. Alex sits on a short stool, Tut sitting imperiously between her legs, looking more like a drowned kitten than the king of the jungle. With the two females safely tucked away back inside the cage, Matt leans against the bars and watches Alex in silence, a small smile on his face. She murmurs quietly to Tut as she works a comb through his mane, cooing nonsense at him to keep him calm and complacent. He watches her content smile, the way her curls fall around her face in damp ringlets, the flush of color on her cheeks, and falls just a little more in love than he already was. She is absolutely glorious and if this – always watching and admiring from afar – is all he can have, then he will learn to live with it.

Laughing quietly to herself as she twists a small braid into Tut's rapidly drying mane, Alex whispers conspiratorially, "This may feel silly now, but you'll thank me later, once the ladies are pawing at you. Literally." She giggles. "Because they have paws, get it?"

Tut snuffles.

Alex sighs. "I thought it was funny." Matt snorts, struggling to hide it in a well-timed cough, but Alex glances up with narrowed eyes. "What?"

"Nothing." He shakes his head, grinning besottedly at her. "About done?"

She turns back to Tut, fluffing his mane one last time and eyeing him critically. "Yes, I think so. How does he look?"

"Oh, gorgeous. Ten years younger, easily." Matt snaps his fingers and Tut climbs to his feet lazily, lumbering over as slowly as possible just to be obstinate in revenge for bath time. He climbs into the cage, joining Pac and Mek, flops down with a huff and refuses to make eye contact with any of them. "Look, you've embarrassed him with that girly braid. He's ashamed of himself."

"He is not!" Alex laughs, shutting the cage door and locking it. Matt lingers behind her, most certainly a touch too close as he inhales the damp scent of her hair. "He's just sore about getting all wet. He'll feel much better once he's dry again. And he loves my braid, so hush." She turns and finds herself nearly face to face with him. Lifting her eyes to his, she laughs softly, her grin radiant. God, he loves seeing her so happy. He'd do anything to keep that look on her face forever

– gorgeous and soaked through, dirt on her clothes and smile dazzling. "Darling, what-"

Unable to stand another second being apart from her, Matt doesn't let her finish, cupping her

cheek in his hand and closing the distance between them, covering her soft, sweet mouth with his own. He meant what he said before – he would learn to live with loving her from afar but not without trying with all his might to love her as close as he possibly can first. Alex doesn't pull away like he expects her to, wide-eyed and protesting. Instead, she sighs very quietly against his lips and kisses him back, her hands curling into the wet fabric of his button-down.

Kissing Alex is just as perfect now as it had been the first time, just slower and achingly tender. Despite his initial first move, he lets her lead now, unwilling to push her. When her tongue slides along his lower lip without his prompting, he opens his mouth to let her inside with a groan. She tugs him closer, fingers sliding up his shirt to grip the back of his neck. "You taste so good," he breathes, sliding a hand into her damp hair and breathing softly against the corner of her mouth. "So sweet."

Whimpering, Alex stretches on her tiptoes and kisses him again, harder this time. It's a kiss that steals the breath from his lungs, her breasts pressed tightly against his chest and her tongue plundering his mouth, seeking and searching, devastating him with a breathy little moan. He wraps his arms tightly around her waist, keeping her close and relishing the feel of her small and curvy against him. "Matt, darling." She brushes her lips over his chin, the line of his jaw, her fingers trembling as she strokes his hair. "Touch me, please. I want you to."

It's what he's wanted to hear for months and his heart soars and flutters in his chest but he swallows, drawing back to look at her searchingly. "Are you sure?" He has to ask. Ralph may be a bastard but cheating is cheating and he won't be something Alex gives in to in a moment of weakness and regrets right after. His heart couldn't withstand it. He strokes her cheek reverently, looking into wet green eyes. "I need you to be sure. I can't – I won't be -"

Alex shakes her head, placing her hand over his on her cheek. "Darling," she says softly, a slow, wide smile spreading over her lovely face as she looks up at him. "You are the only thing in my life I've ever been absolutely certain about."

The train cars are mostly empty when he leads her to his, everyone either practicing for the show or smoking to calm their jittery pre-performance nerves. Sliding the door shut would leave them in total darkness and more than anything, Matt wants to see her face the first time he makes love to her. He leaves the door open, willing to risk just about anything for the chance to see the look on her face as he touches her.

Their hands shake as they undress each other, stroking and caressing bare skin as it's revealed. His mouth hard and bruising against hers, he slips her shirt from her shoulders, letting Alex fumblingly unbutton his trousers. She starts on the buttons of his shirt as he kicks his boots and trousers off, her fingers stroking his abdomen. He shudders, hands sliding up to cup the firm weight of her breasts in his palms. Alex arches into him, fisting his shirt as he strokes his thumbs over her nipples.

"Gorgeous," he breathes reverently. "You are so gorgeous, Kingston." She shakes her head, looking achingly shy and unsure for a moment, like he's feeding her a line. He lifts a hand to her face and meets her eyes, letting her see the adoration in his as he repeats softly, "Gorgeous."

She smiles, leaning up again, her mouth hot and hungry against his. "You're not so bad yourself," she murmurs, caressing his jaw.

He offers her a chuffed grin. "Well, I'm a lion tamer, you know. Comes with the job. A requirement, really – must be dashingly handsome -"

She laughs and pushes his shirt from his shoulders, soft mouth brushing over his collarbone. "Do you have any idea how often I've looked at you and been entirely incapable of thinking about anything but touching you here?" Her other hand drifts lower, brushing the erection straining against his underwear, and Matt feels his mouth go dry. "And here?"

He swears, turning his head and kissing her roughly, but he keeps his hands gentle as he guides her to the floor, where he'd spread out his red greatcoat over his makeshift bed. "Thought about touching you everywhere," he confesses, mouthing along the elegant line of her throat.

Alex moans, hands sliding over the bare skin of his back. "Show me."

"Here," he whispers, and envelopes a dusky nipple in the warmth of his mouth. Alex gasps, threading her fingers through his hair and arching beneath him. He swirls his tongue over her, feeling the nipple pebble under his attention. Capturing it between his tongue and the roof of his mouth, he sucks ardently, relishing the way Alex cries out. "And here," he says, switching to the other one to give it the same attention until Alex tightens her fingers in his hair. "Here too." He mutters, kissing a path down her abdomen and nuzzling his face into her belly to listen to her giggle. Ticklish, he thinks, and files it away to investigate later.

For now, he tugs down her tall brown boots and tosses them away, unbuttoning her trousers. Alex lifts her hips, helping him slide them down her legs and off. Her underwear follows quickly after and he pauses to stare down at her in awe. "Christ, look at you." He swallows, taking in captivating curves and tanned skin, full breasts still slick and red from his mouth on them, muscled thighs and all that hair. "What are you doing with a fella like me?"

"I could never resist a lion tamer." She laughs softly at his frown, her eyes bright and adoring. Lifting a hand to his face, she strokes a thumb over his sharp cheekbone. "Silly man, you're the best thing that ever happened to me."

Kneeling between her spread legs and eyes misting over, Matt drops a tender kiss to her knee and replies, "Back at you, dollface." He brushes his mouth along the inside of her thigh, breathing in the scent of her arousal. His mouth waters and he groans, hands closing around her thighs to spread her open, revealing slick and tantalizing pink flesh.

Alex gasps as he leans in. "W-what are you doing?"

He pauses. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She blushes, looking away. "It's just, Ralph never -"

Ah.

Matt presses another kiss to the inside of her thigh, feeling her quiver. Slipping long fingers through her folds and biting his lip hard at how very wet she is, he watches avidly as Alex shudders, eyes dark and wide as she gazes back at him. "He doesn't know what he's missing. And I want to know exactly what you taste like."

After a long moment, Alex nods, voice breaking as she whispers, "Please."

The first stroke of his tongue, flattened and curious against her slit, makes her cry out, a strangled gasp in her throat. The tip of his tongue circling over her swollen clit makes her grip his coat beneath her, head thrown back and curls spilling over her shoulder. "Oh god," she breathes. "Darling."

He hums soothingly, fingers stroking over her thighs as he opens his mouth wide and envelopes her cunt. She tastes sweet and clean, soaking wet and heavy on his tongue, like the mist in the air after a hard summer rain. Matt can't get enough, his fingers digging into her skin and his nose mashed against her clit as he explores every fold and crevice. He strokes her inside and out, reveling in the sounds of ecstasy spilling from her mouth as she thrashes beneath him.

She rolls her hips, rutting wildly into his mouth, and seeing Alex so undone is a glorious, masterful thing. He draws back, lips slick with her arousal, and quickly replaces his tongue with his fingers, burying two of them knuckle-deep inside her. He crooks them just right, glorying in the way her hips jerk and her breath stutters. Lowering his mouth to her clit, he sucks the swollen little nub between his lips and shuts his eyes, listening to Alex scream as she shatters, her whole

body trembling and arching as she comes.

As the tremors stop, he crawls back up her body and presses a kiss to her shoulder, petting her hair when she curls into him, still gasping. "My god," she breathes. "That was… I've never -"

He laughs softly, inwardly thrilled to have pleased her so. Smoothing her hair from her eyes, he promises, "I'm going to spend the rest of our lives making you feel like that, over and over again. With short breaks for coffee and our act, of course."

She stretches languidly, smirking. "A noble endeavor. I think I'll accept."

He grins and leans in to kiss her, the tang of her arousal still on his lips and the sweetness of her mouth on his tongue when he slips it between her eagerly parted lips. It's a dizzying combination and he clings to her, filled to the brim with so much feeling it's impossible to contain it all any longer. "I love you," he whispers to the corner of her mouth, somehow managing to get the words out around the lump in his throat.

Alex beams, that gentle light in her eyes flaring and burning bright as her lips curl into the widest smile against his mouth. "I love you too, darling. Long before I would ever admit it."

The moment he lifts himself up over her and shifts his hips, sinking slowly inside, Matt has to pause, breathing harshly into the soft skin of her shoulder. She feels extraordinary, hot and wet all around his aching cock, but more than that, it's Alex beneath him – the woman he fell in love with just watching her take a bow in the middle of a crowd, Alex who captured his heart with a flash of golden hair in the dark, Alex he has spent every moment since trying to shield and protect. And through some miracle, this astounding woman chose him – a lanky, bumbling amateur lion tamer with nothing to offer her but honest, genuine love. He'll spend the rest of his life being grateful.

Sweat-slicked limbs entangled, they move fluidly together, hips rocking and skin slapping against skin. Alex clings to him and whispers his name like a promise. Hair wild around her face, cheeks flushed and all that gorgeous skin spread out over his coat – he'll never, ever put on this coat again without thinking of her and her quiet, breathless moans – she looks as amazing as she feels and he tells her so, his voice hushed and strained as he moves steadily within her.

Alex gazes up at him like she can't quite believe he's real, legs wrapped tightly around his waist and fingers digging into his shoulders. "You really mean that."

She says it with wonder in her voice and he threads his uncoordinated fingers through her hair. "I

mean it every time I tell you how amazing you are – always will."

Raking her nails up his back, Alex locks her legs tightly around his hips and arches beneath him, capturing his mouth in a hard, greedy kiss that lessens the ache in his chest just a little. "You're a sap," she breathes.

"Only for you," he promises hoarsely. His muscles tremble and his belly floods with heat, his fingertips and the base of his spine tingle with warmth, like a bottle of whiskey on cold nights, but he holds himself back. Grunting with the effort of filling Alex again and again without breaking, he presses his forehead tightly to hers, looking into wide green eyes as she whimpers and tightens around him, a brief fluttering of muscles just enough to make him moan aloud. "Come on, doll. Let me see you." He moves faster, harder, stifling the urge to just let go. It has to be her – it has to be Alex coming undone beneath him.

He grits his teeth and it only takes another moment of his quiet pleading before he gets to watch her face as she gives in. She clutches him to her and throws her head back, lips parted in a strangled, lovely cry. The sight of her debauched and in a moment of complete abandonment pushes Matt to his breaking point and he hisses her name, burying his face in her sweat damp curls as his hips stutter, pumping hard. His cock throbs as he spills inside her and he bites his tongue, overloaded by the exquisite pleasurepain of release.

Unwilling to squash her, he pulls out slowly and rolls away to collapse onto his back, breathing heavily. Alex curls her body around his instantly, her curves slotting perfectly against the straight lines of his longer, lankier frame as she rests her head on his chest and throws an arm around his waist. After a few moments of silence as they catch their breath, she presses a kiss right over his heart and asks, "Is it always like that?"

Matt threads his fingers through her tangled curls and frowns. "Like what?"

"So… much."

He smiles tiredly, tucking her closely into his side. "Not always. Depends on who you're with."

"It's never felt like that for me before," she confesses quietly, sounding small and tentative.

Heart swelling, he tightens his hold on her and plants a firm kiss to her temple. "Me either, doll." He never realized until Alex how empty were the things he used to hold so dear. A soft, warm bed alone is nothing compared to a train car floor if she's beside him. A willing young dame pales

now in comparison to the struggle and triumph of Alex finally surrendering her heart. Love changes everything.

Trailing her fingertips up and down his stomach, Alex presses her lips to his skin and whispers, "I wish we could just run away."

"We could," he ventures softly. "Catch another train back home – my home, I mean. I could go back to university, graduate with a degree that'll allow me to make ungodly piles of dough working in a bank or something. We could be Mr. and Mrs. Smith with the white picket fence and never talk about the circus again."

"We could," she agrees slowly, and the tone of her voice tells him that no matter what she says next, a small part of her wants it desperately. "But we won't."

"Why not?" He wants it too. Just a little. "He'd never find us."

"Maybe not, but would you be happy? You left town with the circus for a reason, darling." She props her chin on his chest and looks up at him, soft-eyed and sleepy. He loves her so dearly his chest aches with it. "You're a wanderer, just as I am."

"Alright," he concedes, tapping her nose. "We'll make it a backup plan."

She smiles. "I like a man who plans ahead."

"Oh really?" With a grin, he rolls her over onto her back and begins to concoct more fanciful escape plans, each more outlandish and wonderful than the last, whispering them all into the crook of her neck.

I'll be your hunter, you my lioness

Chapter Summary

He'd accused her of being a coward and now Alex isn't speaking to him. Secretly and only to himself, Matt admits that it isn't anger with Alex he's feeling right now – only fear that she'll change her mind and remain in a loveless, violent marriage because it's easier than walking away.

Chapter Notes

Chapter title from Lioness by Scott Mellis. Thank you all so much for your comments, messages and fan art - you're just too lovely *hugs*

The speakeasy in downtown Los Angeles is loud, bustling with music and dancing, laughing people, drinks flowing freely and money carelessly spent. The atmosphere is joyful and just a little bit drunk; the air heavy with secrecy but not even a shady, underground nightclub can compete with the secrets at the little table in the midst of it all. Matt keeps his eyes on his drink and pointedly does not look across the table where Alex sits, smile fixed in place and Ralph's arm draped over her shoulders.

It's their first night in Los Angeles and Kaz had insisted they go out and have a drink instead of staying within the circus grounds as they usually do. Matt had been looking forward to seeing Alex all dressed up and swinging her around the dance floor – their first date. But of course, the moment Alex tried to leave the circus grounds, Ralph had put his foot down and insisted on accompanying her. He can't bear to glance across the table and look at them.

They'd argued, just moments before setting off together. Alex had insisted it wasn't her fault that Ralph decided to come along but he countered that it most definitely was – she still hasn't told her husband she's leaving him and their act even though tomorrow night is their first show together.

He'd accused her of being a coward and now Alex isn't speaking to him. Secretly and only to himself, Matt admits that it isn't anger with Alex he's feeling right now – only fear that she'll change her mind and remain in a loveless, violent marriage because it's easier than walking away.

"Darvill and I came here last year," Kaz says suddenly, loud and cheerful to make up for the tension at their table. "Isn't it the elephant's eyebrows?"

"Swell," Matt says, and Alex echoes him simultaneously. Startled, they glance across the table and their eyes meet. She looks stunning tonight in a beaded green dress that brings out her eyes, lips

painted a vivid red, and blonde curls pinned neatly away from her face with a jeweled headband. He swallows thickly and looks away, downing the rest of his drink. His hands shake and he hopes he hasn't given himself away – even angry with her, he can't help gazing at Alex in complete adoration.

Turning his head, Ralph brushes his lips over Alex's hair and smiles at Kaz. "Quite the little hidden gem. However did you find it?"

"Oh you know, wasn't look really looking for it," Kaz shrugs, momentarily distracted by Matt leaning over to steal her cigarettes. "Just got lucky."

Ralph drops a kiss to Alex's shoulder as he murmurs, "Exactly how I feel about my little hidden gem."

Alex manages a strained smile in reply and Matt takes a drag from his cigarette to keep from grinding his teeth together. "Thank you," she whispers, eyes on her untouched drink. She looks so much like she used to when he met her that he wants to hit something – namely Ralph.

Ralph glances around the table at large, his fingers curled tightly around Alex's shoulder now. ""Doesn't she look gorgeous?"

Mortified, Alex shakes her head and murmurs, "Stop it."

"I can't help it." He presses a kiss to her temple and her cheek, nuzzling her ear. "You're perfect." Glancing up again, he rests his gaze on Kaz and Arthur. "Isn't she?"

"I've always thought so." Kaz smiles, though it doesn't quite reach her eyes as she lingers over Alex's uncomfortable expression. "Darvill?"

"Fond of redheads, myself." He frowns at her. "God knows why."

Kaz grins unrepentantly.

"Matt." Ralph speaks his name so abruptly everyone at the table jumps, Matt included. Cold blue eyes burn into his, a silent challenge. "Is my wife not the most glorious creature you've ever set

your sights upon?"

Alex stares at her hands, way past uncomfortable, her cheeks red and her spine straight. Matt allows his eyes to rest on her only for a moment before skittering away again, a knot in his stomach. "Divine," he mutters around his cigarette.

"I chose my poor bunny well." Ralph smirks, kissing the corner of Alex's mouth softly, and he looks at her with such tenderness Matt can almost imagine what had drawn her to him in the first place. It must have been so easy for him to turn on that charm and lure Alex into his twisted little trap, shutting it off the moment he had her where he wanted her – leaving Alex out in the cold, wondering what happened to sweet words and soft touches but too far gone to turn back. Rising fluidly, Ralph takes her hand with a bow. "Come along, my dear. They're playing our song."

Matt flinches and as Alex turns to follow him onto the dance floor, she casts him an apologetic look. Matt shrugs and taps the ash from his cigarette, looking away. The moment the unhappy couple is out of earshot, Kaz turns on him, the red of her hair somehow all the more vibrant against the lacy peach of her dress. "What the hell was that?"

"What?" Matt avoids her gaze and nods gratefully when Arthur pushes another glass of whiskey toward him, mouth turned down in sympathy. He hasn't yet told his friends about Alex or his new act with her. The last thing he needed was their exchange of pitying looks and repeated warning that Alex would never leave. He needs to believe the impossible, not the reality Kaz and Arthur would push upon him.

Kaz waves an incredulous hand and nearly smacks Arthur in the face. "Don't give me that, Smith. I wouldn't be surprised if everyone in this room sensed that tension – hell, maybe even out on the street or three counties over! I thought the two of you were gonna draw your weapons of choice and walk twenty paces – whoever wins gets the pretty dame."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Matt takes another drag, eyes flitting toward the dance floor. Ralph and Alex are entwined, swaying in the middle of the crowd to Annette Hanshaw. As they turn, Alex's eyes find his over her husband's shoulder. Releasing a breath of smoke through parted lips, Matt holds her gaze and feels his anger melting away. He shakes his head once and Alex smiles feebly, as relieved as she can be in the arms of her jailor.

Across the table from him, Kaz snorts. "Yeah, tell it to Sweeney."

Matt scowls, turning to look at her. "She's married."

"And you're a sap for her anyway – have been since you joined this fleabag circus." Kaz leans back in her chair, hands laced on the table as she eyes him. Next to her, Arthur studies the table intently, obviously wishing to be anywhere else. "Don't think I haven't noticed how much time you two spend alone together."

Matt shrugs but his gaze drifts back to Alex again, giving him away. "We're friends."

"Friends don't look at each other the way you two do when you think no one is watching." Kaz narrows her eyes at him. "How long have you been having a nookie?"

"Since Phoenix," he answers thoughtlessly, attention fixed on Ralph's hand, drifting lower and lower on Alex's back. The moment he realizes when he'd said, he jerks his attention back to the table but it's too late. Kaz gasps, Arthur sputters on a mouthful of booze and Matt has no defense, blushing up to his ears.

"Seriously?" Kaz stares at him, dumbfounded. "Oh my god, does Ralph know?"

"Of course not." Arthur scoffs, voice hoarse and eyes still watery. "He's still alive, isn't he?"

Matt rolls his eyes. "He isn't going to kill me – I can handle a drunken monkey like him."

"Ah, but you forget – this drunken monkey has an arsenal of pointy sticks." Arthur points out smugly. Matt taps the ash from his cigarette into Arthur's glass, eyebrow raised in challenge. "Mature," he mutters, snorting. "We've told you about her, old boy. We just don't want you to get hurt. Dames like her never leave their fellas, especially not for gangly things like you."

As the song ends, Alex and Ralph start to make their way back to the table and Matt only has time to reply with a short, "We'll see, Darvill."

Ralph sinks back into his chair and picks up his drink again. "We should go dancing more often, my dear. I'd forgotten how much fun we used to have. Do you remember?"

Matt stands swiftly while Alex lingers on her feet, nodding woodenly. "We need more booze," he announces.

"I'll help you carry it," Alex says quickly, and the two of them hurry off through the crowd toward the bar before anyone can say a word of protest or Ralph can stand up to follow. When they're far enough out of sight, Matt yanks Alex into a shadowed corner and pulls her into his arms, kissing her hard. She whimpers, tilting her head and clinging to the front of his suit, one small hand lifting to touch his face. "I'm sorry."

He shakes his head, running his hands up and down her thin beaded dress, kissing her temple and her cheek, the lovely corner of her mouth, as if his touch can wash away the memory of Ralph's. "I'm sorry. I was being a cad." He strokes his fingers over the jewels in her headband and kisses her forehead. "I was just afraid."

"Afraid?" She lifts a hand to take his, lacing their fingers together, her brow furrowed in confusion. "Of what?"

He shrugs, unable to meet her eyes. "That you'd changed your mind. That you didn't want this – us – me anymore."

"Darling, that's ridiculous!" Alex looks all at once horrified by the notion and ashamed of herself for making him think such a thing and Matt feels something warm and relieved unfurl in his chest. "I want to be with you. When I'm not with you, I'm thinking about you, fantasizing about one of our escape plans…" She strokes her knuckles over his cheek and brushes his hair from his eyes. "I just… I don't want him to stop me."

"What?"

"If he knows about us, about what we're doing, I have no doubt he'd do everything in his power to separate us or sabotage our act or -"

"Hey." Matt takes her face in his hands and silences her instantly, looking into panicked green eyes with all the confidence he can muster. "I won't let that happen."

"How would you stop him?" She shakes her head, taking a deep breath. "We need to blindside him – catch him off guard. If we do our act before we tell him about it, he won't be able to stop us. Just -" She pauses, biting her lip, and he kisses her knuckles encouragingly. "Just give me one night. I want our first act to be perfect."

Matt growls softly, pressing his forehead tightly to hers and gritting his teeth. Finally, he mutters, "The things I do for you, Kingston."

She laughs softly, leaning up on her tiptoes to press a swift, grateful kiss to his mouth. "Thank you, darling."

"One more night," he warns, voice low enough to make her eyes darken and her tongue dart out to lick red lips. "And then the only one to touch you and dance with you and sleep next to you will be me."

Alex smiles, swaying gently into him as she murmurs, "I can't wait to be your girl."

Holding her close, Matt shuts out the music, laughter, and people waiting for them to return with drinks. Instead, he presses his lips to her hair and promises, "You already are."

She isn't going to show.

It's the only thing running through Matt's mind as he paces the length of the costume tent – the dancing girls had long since vacated, Daisy smirking at him knowingly. Agitation in every clipped step and top hat wobbling dangerously on top of his head, he can only assume Alex has changed her mind and she doesn't want to risk everything she's ever known for a man she met mere months ago. He gets himself into a lather, absolutely convinced he'll have to do the show alone tonight and Alex will refuse to take part ever again – and more importantly, refuse to go through with leaving her husband – and five minutes before his act is due to begin, she comes rushing into the tent, grinning breathlessly at him.

"Sorry, darling. I couldn't get away." She starts stripping out of her target girl costume right in front of him, eyes sparkling with mischief when he stares openly. "Stop that. You can't afford to be distracted."

"Says the woman parading about in her altogether," he grumbles, glancing away. She hadn't been able to meet him last night, retiring to her private car with Ralph after their night out while Matt's insides writhed with jealousy.

"You can look later," she promises, reaching for her other costume – a short dress with a black bodice, threaded with elaborate gold brocade, silk red sleeves and ruffled skirt. It matches his greatcoat perfectly. "And if you're a good boy, maybe more than that."

He shakes his head fondly, stepping up behind her to do up the little buttons in the back. "Where's Ralph?"

"Watching the rest of the show in the audience." She breathes out a quiet laugh but Matt feels her tremble beneath his hands.

"Nervous?"

She nods silently.

"You're going to be brilliant." He does up the last button and kisses her shoulder. "And he's not going to hurt you."

Turning to face him, Alex smiles up at him anxiously and busies her idle hands with straightening the lapels of his coat. "Have I ever told you how dashing you look in this?"

He nods, smiling. "The first night we met." Reaching out a hand, he cups her cheek tenderly, his thumb brushing over soft skin. "Alex -"

"I love you," she says suddenly. She grips his collar and he watches her eyes take on a desperate, manic edge. "Whatever happens -"

"Nothing is going to happen, Kingston." He kisses her, slow and certain as his lips slide over hers. "We're going to be fine. Now, let's ankle. The show must go on."

He holds her hand as they walk into the arena, murmuring quietly not to look out into the crowd. If she sees Ralph, she'll freeze. Matt, on the other hand, wants to keep an eye on him, rapidly scanning the stands until he finds him. He's on his feet, staring at Alex with narrowed eyes and clenched teeth, hands balled into fists. He makes no move toward the arena, his last encounter with the lions no doubt fresh in his mind. It's what might happen after the show that worries Matt

– not that he'd ever tell Alex. She frets enough for both of them.

In the center of the ring with three lions at her side, Alex is in her element, graceful and confident, head held high. Matt knows when the time comes, she'll make an excellent partner. Hell, she'll be

better than him in a matter of weeks. They go through the routine they'd planned smoothly, Alex leading the lions around like a mother and her ducklings while Matt gives the orders.

She gets down on her hands and knees, mane of hair wild around her face, and blends in perfectly with the other three animals. She starts crawling toward him with a playful snarl, a little lioness. He jumps backward, cracking his whip, and the crowd laughs, delighted that he'd mistake her for one of his lions. She follows behind Tut, Pac and Mek around the arena for a while, shaking hands with him when he asks for their paws. She stands between them when Matt raises his arms, ordering the lions onto their hind legs. With petite Alex standing next to them, it only enhances how huge the animals are and the crowd claps and murmurs excitedly.

She begs for a treat along with the animals and he pats her head. "Good girl."

On cue, she leaps to her feet and shakes her curls, snatching his whip from his hands and cracking it in the air. The crowd stomps their feet and hollers, wildly entertained. She orders the lions through their next act, and they leap gracefully through hoops and over each other. Next, they lie down in a row so Alex can stretch across the length of their backs, reclining like a queen on her throne while three majestic beasts lie docile beneath her.

For the finale, Matt orders Pac and Mek to sit beside him while Tut stands in the middle of the arena with Alex, his huge paws on her shoulders as the two of them slow dance. They turn in tiny circles with Tut following her lead. The crowd roars their approval, laughing in delight. Alex laughs along with them and Matt can't help admiring the picture they make – Alex's wild golden hair mingling with Tut's ferocious mane as they dance cheek to cheek. They look magnificent together, like long lost soulmates.

When the dance ends and Tut drops back on all fours, Alex stoops to his level, glancing saucily back at the crowd before pointing at her cheek, watching Tut expectantly. The great animal heaves a mighty sigh, his tail flicking, and leans in to lick the length of Alex's face in a sloppy kiss. She wrinkles her nose, laughing along with the entertained audience, and stands.

Slipping his hand into hers, Matt takes a bow with Alex at his side, beaming bright enough to rival the lights shining down on their heads. The applause inside the Big Top is thunderous, each and every person on their feet and cheering. All except one.

Matt glances away from Ralph to see if Alex has spotted him – her happy laugh and bright eyes tell him she hasn't – and when he looks back, Ralph is gone. He doesn't get a chance to search for him before Alex draws him close, clearly caught up in the continued applause. Still grinning widely, she kisses him right there in the middle of the arena. Smiling into her mouth, Matt wraps his arms around her waist and lifts her off her feet. She laughs, hands on either side of his face as he kisses her back sweetly.

"Listen to them, Kingston," he says, nuzzling her nose. "They love you."

They take another bow and leave amidst the applause, Matt at the front leading the lions and Alex behind to make sure they follow obediently. When they reach the menagerie tent, he opens the cage door and they file inside, flopping down with exhausted huffs at a job well done. He leaves the door open to toss a few treats inside, turning to ask Alex to hand him some but the sight of her makes him pause – resplendent in her costume, face glittering with stage makeup and triumph in her smile.

Stepping into her personal space, Matt settles his hands on her hips as Alex sways toward him. Mouth lingering at her ear, he says, "You were absolutely incredible."

She laughs, low and throaty, just the way he loves. "Was I?"

"You always are."

They both freeze and Matt watches Alex's eyes widen in fear, the carefree grin gone. It infuriates him and he lifts his head to glower over her shoulder. Ralph stands just inside the tent, fists clenched at his sides. He pays no mind to Matt, blue eyes fixed on Alex as she slowly turns to face him. "Even when you're being a filthy, traitorous bitch, you never cease to be entirely captivating, do you, my dear?"

Matt hears Alex swallow and steps in front of her, as if he can use his body to shield her from his words as well as his fists. "Get out."

Alex curls her hand around his arm.

Ralph laughs softly, a dangerous, cruel noise that makes her recoil, and Matt feels her fingers tighten around his jacket. "Is this your new protector? Your darling little lion tamer? I always suspected – it was difficult not to with the two of you salivating after one another like dogs in heat

– but I never thought he'd actually have the nerve to touch you." He laughs again and Matt grits his teeth. "He's actually as dull-witted as you dare, my dear."

She bites her lip, taking a tentative step forward. "Ralph -"

"Shut up," he snaps, that eerie calm evaporating in the blink of an eye. "You leave my act and fuck the lion tamer behind my back -" Alex flinches. "But you know something, Alexandra? None of it matters because I know you. And you always come crawling back to me, begging for forgiveness. I might even take you back again, should you be prepared to accept the consequences of your actions."

Alex shakes her head, taking another step. "Not this time."

"Alex, don't be rash. I know we've had our problems but you're my wife. You belong at my side, where you're loved." His eyes soften and he looks at her imploringly. Matt doesn't even have time to fret over the abrupt change before Alex straightens her spine and shakes her head – oh his brave girl. "Do you honestly expect me to believe after all this time, you're going to walk away from me?"

"You can believe what you like, Ralph, but it's the truth." She steps closer, nearly in front of him now. "I'm sorry you had to find out like this, but I didn't know another way to make you listen to reason -"

It happens so quickly. Ralph raises a hand and Alex instinctively shrinks away but this time, she isn't fast enough. His hand connects with the side of her face, the harsh slap and her subsequent cry ringing out in the air as she stumbles back, clutching her cheek.

Matt sees red.

Before he's even consciously aware of taking that first step, he's across the room and launching himself at Ralph. They both topple to the ground, wrestling and snarling. Matt's fist connects with his nose and Ralph's elbow jabs his ribs, momentarily robbing him of his breath. He slams Ralph's head into the ground, his fists slick with the other man's blood. Over the roar in his ears, he can hear Alex shouting for them to stop and his lions growling in their cage.

He grasps Ralph by the collar of his dirty shirt, sneering down at that smug face and bloodied nose, and the words to tell him just what will happen to him if he ever touches Alex again are on the tip of his tongue. It's only a sudden, sharp pain in his abdomen that makes him pause. He glances down just in time to see one of Ralph's knives sliding wetly out of his gut, coated in red. Stunned, Matt can only stare as a dark stain begins to spread across his shirt.

Ralph smirks, blood in his mouth and coating his teeth. "Never bring your fists to a knife fight, son."

With a rough shove, he topples Matt from on top of him and rises to his feet. Matt crumples to the ground with a pained grunt, clutching his wound. Alex screams his name and he tries to lift his head and tell her he's all right but his limbs suddenly feel so heavy and his eyes want desperately to slide shut.

But no, he can't do that, not now. Ralph is still here and Alex needs him. He hears her shout in a trembling voice for Ralph to get away from her and he struggles to sit up, to stay awake, to move, anything to protect her like he promised. The roar of his lions reaches a crescendo and in the midst of a great crash, he realizes Alex is no longer the only one screaming.

He fights back the darkness creeping into his vision, making everything around him fuzzy and out of focus, dimly aware of Alex kneeling over him now, tears in her eyes. "Matt, no." She pats his cheek, stroking her fingers through his hair. "Stay awake, darling. Look at me."

He tries for her sake but he can feel himself slipping away. Over the sound of his lions growling and Ralph screaming, Matt finds the strength to whisper, "Sorry, dollface."

Alex shaking her head frantically in denial is the last thing he sees.

Before he opens his eyes, he feels a small hand squeezing his and smiles despite the pain in his gut. "Am I dead then?"

She laughs softly – his favorite laugh – and he feels her curls brush his face as she leans in to kiss his cheek. "Why don't you open your eyes and see?"

With a little effort, he manages it and once the blinding white of daylight fades, the first thing he notices is that he's in Uncle Moff's quarters – probably because he has the only decent bed. Alex is the only one in the car with him, sitting on the edge of the mattress and clutching his hand. Her eyes are tired and rimmed red, a bruise blossoming on her cheek. He reaches up to stroke his fingers over it and winces, hissing.

"Careful, darling." She fusses, arranging the blanket more securely around him. "Uncle Moff will be apoplectic if you pull your stitches and bleed to death all over his sheets."

Stitches? He yanks back the blanket and realizes for the first time that he's shirtless, a white bandage wrapped around his torso. "Christ, what happened?"

"Ralph pulled a knife on you." Alex smoothes his hair from his forehead. "But you forgot to lock the lion cage. The moment he turned on me, they got out and -" She stops, closing her eyes briefly.

Matt lays a hand on her thigh. "Is he -"

"He's in the hospital," she says softly. "They say he'll live but he'll never look the same again. He lost both his hands. But I took care of things – said it wasn't the fault of the animals. We left the cage unlocked by accident and they were only protecting me. I don't think the fuzz much cares what happens in the circus so long as it doesn't happen during a show, so I suppose we got lucky."

Matt nods slowly, silently grateful both to his lions for looking after their girl and to Alex for looking after them in turn. It's a rather poetic form of justice for Ralph – the very weapons he'd used to harm Alex have been taken from him. "He'll never hurt you again."

"Nor you." She presses her face into his shoulder, inhaling shakily. "He'll never throw another knife either. He's lost his place in the circus."

He wants to say good riddance. He wants to smile or dance – possibly both. He wants to send up a little prayer of thanks. But instead, he threads a hand through Alex's curls and holds her close, pressing his lips to her hairline. "Are you alright?"

She nods jerkily.

"Alex -"

"You scared me to death. What were you thinking throwing yourself at him like that?" She raises her head, letting him see the tears in her eyes, and he breathes out a quiet sigh of relief that her tears are for him and not for the fate of her husband. "He could have killed you, Matt."

"And he could have killed you just as easily, doll." He sighs, ignoring the pull of his stitches as he reaches up to wipe at her cheeks. "As if I could sit idly by and let him hurt you. You're – my god, Kingston – you're everything to me."

"No more heroics. I can't lose you." She sniffles, turning her head to press a kiss to his palm. "Promise me."

He opens his mouth to say he'll promise no such thing, but what comes out instead is, "Marry me."

She blinks at him. "What?"

It might not have been what he planned to say, but the moment he says it, he knows it's right. He's been in love with Alex since the moment he laid eyes on her and every moment since has only deepened that love, strengthened and more profound for all their struggles. There will never be anyone else and after what just happened, he won't be able to rest until she is completely free of Ralph and safe in his arms instead – legally and bindingly his partner and equal. His girl, always.

"Marry me, Alex."

A slow, gorgeous, happy smile curls that infuriatingly lovely mouth. "What's in it for me, then?"

He laughs outright, recalling that day months ago – a young man pestering a beautiful woman over breakfast to keep his secret. "My excessively charming company?"

She hums thoughtfully, unconvinced. "Got anything else?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact. I have three somethings." He ticks them off with a finger. "Tutankhamen, Pachet and Mekhit. By accepting my offer of marriage, you'll also gain full access and ownership of my lions."

Her eyes light up but she plays coy, pursing her lips. "What makes you think I want those three mangy beasts?"

He snorts. "Please, they worship you and you spoil them rotten. As a matter of fact, I think you love them more than you love me. Must have something to do with you all having the same hair."

Alex shakes her head at the familiar joke but the amusement doesn't quite reach her eyes as she watches him solemnly. "You know I love you, darling, but…" She sighs. "I don't believe getting married is the best idea – not even for the sake of the children."

"Oh." He feels his heart drop and struggles not to let it show on his face. "Right, sorry. We'll just forget -"

"I'm not saying no, Matt." She places a gentle finger over his lips to silence him. "I'm saying not yet. My abusive husband was just maimed horribly by lions moments after I announced I was leaving him – and I had to watch while cradling you in my arms as you bled to death." Her eyes fill up again and he reaches for her, a lump in his throat. "I've been with Ralph for so long now. I think I need time. For me – to remember what it feels like to be on my own and to know that I can be, and time for us to get to know each other without the need to sneak around." She exhales shakily and bites down on her lip, worrying it between her teeth. "Can you accept that? Can you wait for me?"

"What sort of question is that, Kingston?" He draws her head down to kiss her fiercely, cradling her to his chest like the precious being he'll make sure she always knows she is. "I'll wait forever, if I have to."

"I don't think I'll need that long." Alex pulls away, frowning. "But are you quite certain you aren't just asking for my hand to tame me and add me to the collection of beasts you rule over like a brutish dictator?" Like the playful charade in their act, she shakes her curls at him, a wild mane all its own.

"Never," he promises, stroking her hair. "I love my lioness just as she is."

"And what am I?"

He brushes his mouth lightly over hers again, smile widening when he feels her grin in reply. "Free."

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