MA

by itsbiz

for

4. Chapter 4

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at /works/675300.

Rating:

Explicit

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

F/M

Fandom:

Doctor Who RPF

Relationship:

Alex Kingston/Matt Smith

Character:

Alex Kingston, Matt Smith

Stats:

Published: 2013-02-08 Completed: 2013-04-10 Chapters: 15/15

Words: 48917

But that don't worry me none, in my eyes you're everything

by mygalfriday (BrinneyFriday)

Summary

She traces over that young face with her eyes and perhaps it's the wine and Matt's new giddiness making her a bit loopy but staring at him, she suddenly loses sight of the boy and sees only the man.

Notes

This is basically just the longest smut fic to ever exist. And since there is so much smut, some chapters may be shorter than others, just to break things up. Hope you're all okay with that:) Story title from the Rod Stewart song Maggie May and chapter title from Howlin' For You by The Black Keys. Takes place at the beginning of series 5. Inspired mostly by the quote below.

got a hold on me like glue

"I love Alex Kingston deeply. She's just a wonderful actress and a great friend. She's someone who, from the moment I walked onto the set of 'Doctor Who' has been a great influence on me and a real guiding light and took care of me really because it's quite a daunting thing, and she just embraced me so that was nice."

-Matt

It starts, oddly enough, with the need to mother.

He stands there in front of her, tugging nervously at his Guns N' Roses t-shirt, looking so bloody young as he watches her from beneath that mess of hair, his gaze shy and anxious, and her heart melts. She smiles as kindly as she can and reaches out to take his hand, wrapping his fingers in hers and suffusing as much warmth and comfort as she can into the gesture. "Hello darling, I'm Alex."

He smiles, blushing a bit, bless. "Yeah, I've, erm, heard of you."

God, she just wants to hold him close and coo at him and stroke his hair, telling him that everything is going to be just fine. She raises an eyebrow, stifling the impulse. "Ah, my reputation precedes me."

"In a good way," he hurries to reassure her, and she notices for the first time how wonderfully long those fingers are as they tighten around her own. "You're brilliant – I can't believe I'm getting the chance to work with you."

"That's sweet of you, dear. I'm looking forward to working with you too." Finally releasing his hand, Alex flexes her fingers at her side and wonders why her hand feels so warm and – not tingly, per se – but suddenly she is hyper aware that she has a right hand and exactly where his skin had brushed hers.

Matt runs his fingers through his hair, looking adorably anxious. "I just hope I don't disappoint. Not you, I mean everyone." His eyes widen. "But you too, obviously. I mean -"

Alex giggles, reaching out and laying a calming hand on his arm, suddenly quite sure that working with him will be no hardship at all. "It's okay, darling. I understand." He relaxes instantly under her touch. "And I don't think you've got anything to worry about. You'll be fantastic."

"You haven't seen me act yet," he points out softly.

She gives him a playful, self-important look. "I don't need to. I have a sixth sense about these things."

Matt seems torn between being polite and his own skepticism.

Putting a hand on her hip, she insists, "I do! And you, darling, are going to be brilliant." She winks at him and he flushes, looking pleased.

Alex bravely resists the urge to cuddle him.

It just wouldn't be professional.

At the first table read, she becomes very well acquainted with Matt's natural state of clumsiness. It's still fairly early in the morning and Matt, like most of the people in the room, still seems half-asleep. Leaning back in her seat, Alex chats to Karen, tentatively getting a feel for the other person she's going to be working closely with. She seems a bit more awake than the rest of the table and by the time Matt stumbles toward them with coffee, they're discussing the magnificence of the Louboutins Alex gets to wear in this episode.

"Personal question," Karen says, holding up a hand and leaning closer. "I've never had the means to own shoes that hot and I must know – do you feel like you're the star of a porno when you wear them?"

Alex laughs, glancing up as Matt approaches with his coffee cup, entirely unaware of the danger. "Those shoes are the epitome of sex, dear. What do you think?"

Karen grins. "Space porno?"

Alex nods once. "Space porno."

Before another word can be uttered between them, Matt trips over seemingly nothing, and in a

spectacular, heretofore unseen show of ungainliness, stumbles into an empty chair, sending his coffee cup flying from his hand and all down the front of Alex's shirt.

The room gasps in unison.

Alex is too stunned to do anything but gape, in shock as hot coffee seeps into her shirt and burns her skin. Pale and horrified, Matt looks as if he would prefer the earth to open up and swallow him whole rather than face what he has just done.

Karen is the first to react, yanking a handful of napkins from her impossibly tiny handbag and lurching across the table, doing her best to soak up the mess. "God, you clumsy oaf! Are you alright, Alex?"

This startles Matt from his stupor and he pitches forward, snatching the napkins from Karen's hand and taking over in her stead, muttering, "Shit, I am so sorry, Alex. I'm such an idiot. Are you okay?"

He blushes furiously, red all the way up to his ears and Alex finds herself nodding, a bit transfixed by the way he scrubs at her shirt. He hasn't noticed that he's stroking her with a napkin, too focused on getting coffee out of her shirt, but she certainly has. Clearing her throat, she says, "Y-yes. I'm fine, darling. No harm done."

Kneeling between her legs, he glances up at with panicked eyes. "Are you sure? Do you need another shirt? You can have mine or -" His hand is still moving of its own accord, though his attention is currently elsewhere but when Karen giggles, he blinks and glances back down. His eyes widen as he realizes he is essentially stroking her breasts with a napkin and he drops the wad of paper in her lap, blushing once more. "S-sorry."

A little breathless, Alex shakes her head. "It's just a shirt, dear. But at least now we know you need a lid for your sippy cup, hm?" Everyone around the table chuckles and Matt ducks his head, sliding from the floor and back into his seat next to her, contrite. Reaching out a hand as an exasperated Steven calls everyone to order, Alex squeezes his arm affectionately. "It's fine, I promise."

He smiles gratefully at her, hands gripping his now empty coffee cup tightly, as if paying attention to it now will make up for his carelessness earlier. Oh, if her heart hadn't already been a melted puddle of goo in her chest, it certainly would be now. He is going to have women falling at his feet, willingly throwing themselves in the line of spilled coffee and flailing limbs, undone by those eyes and that grin. If she weren't twice his age, she might have been one of those women.

As the read-through begins, she watches as he transforms before her very eyes from the adorable, bumbling, nervous man she has encountered so far into someone with the exuberance and wild curiosity of a child, but the wisdom of someone so very, very old.

He is the Doctor.

There is no other way to put it. He was born to play this role, and watching him gesture widely and use the pen he'd snatched from Steven as his sonic screwdriver, she can't help but wonder what he and everyone else seems to be so anxious about. During the last scene between the Doctor and Amy, she leans back in her seat and watches as Matt reads through his last lines, pen tapping rapidly against his script. She glances down at the page and sees his neat scrawl at the bottom. It takes her a moment as she pretends disinterest, but eventually, she manages to read the words 'To be an artist is to fail' and feels her heart clench in her chest.

Oh, this lovely, adorable idiot. He has no faith in his portrayal of the Doctor at all. She can't stand to think of him doubting himself so much and as Steven commends them all for an excellent first table read, she resolves to say something. Around her, everyone begins to gather their things and stand up but she doesn't move. Next to her, Matt blows out a quiet breath and slumps back in his seat, running a hand through his hair.

She can feel the tension rolling off him in waves; see it in the tautness of his jaw and the tense line of his shoulders but she waits until the room has emptied before she turns to him and says firmly, "Stop."

He frowns, eyeing her. "Stop what?"

"Worrying."

Scoffing, he closes his script and rolls it up, tapping the end of it against the edge of the table repeatedly. "Kind of difficult with almost fifty years of television on my shoulders and everyone on the internet saying they just want David Tennant back."

Snatching his script, she whacks him over the head with it. "No internet either!"

"Oi!" He complains, gaping at her, and she realizes that she just hit someone over the head that she barely even knows. Strangely, it doesn't feel like that with Matt. She feels comfortable with

him, like she's known him for years.

Embarrassed, she puts his script back on the table and flattens it out again. "It just isn't a good idea, looking yourself up. It's like eavesdropping. You'll never walk away feeling better about yourself."

He nods slowly, watching her with a small smile. "Alright. Stop worrying and no internet. Anything else? Should I be writing these down, Kingston?" He flushes instantly, suddenly the awkward boy she'd met yesterday. "Sorry, I don't know why I called you that. It just felt…right. Sorry, it was stupid -"

"No," she interrupts, shaking her head and smiling. "It's fine. Really."

He ducks his head, hiding a grin. "Okay. It'll be my special name for you, then."

"I've been called worse," she snorts, and he looks up at her then, eyes soft. No one on earth would blame her for ruffling his hair and cuddling him to her right then but she manages to restrain herself. "I have a proposition for you, darling. You could come round to my flat before we start shooting and go over the script with me a few times – away from everyone else." She shrugs. "It might take some of the pressure off."

He beams, face lighting up as he says eagerly, "Oh god, really? That would be brilliant, Alex." He huffs, rubbing the neck of his neck. "It's just difficult not to feel like everyone is judging me and waiting for me to fail."

She frowns. "You really have nothing to worry about, darling. You're fantastic and everyone is going to love you. But if it'll make you feel better, I'm only too happy to help."

"You're the best," he enthuses, shaking his head.

"That's what they all say, honey," she winks and delights in the flush that spreads across his cheeks. "My flat? Seven? It'll give me time to change."

Glancing down at her coffee-stained shirt with an embarrassed flush, he nods. "I'll be there."

He shows up five minutes early, bearing wine.

Opening the door to let him brush past her, Alex sighs, "Drinking and studying?"

He smiles, depositing the bottle on her kitchen counter. "Well you know what they say about all work and no play."

"Makes for a very dull boy?"

"And a crap time."

She rummages through a drawer for something to open the bottle with and turns, handing him the corkscrew. "A man after my own heart."

"Good to know," he says, smiling a little, and she's suddenly struck by how much lighter he is here in her flat, without prying eyes watching his every move. He still looks like he would blush at the slightest innuendo from her but there is something about him now, something freer, that wasn't there before.

Catching herself staring at him, Alex blinks and looks away. "Right. Shall we get started then?"

"Lead the way," he says, and hands her a wine glass.

She takes it from him and his long fingers brush against hers, warm and slender. Her breath catches at the simple touch and she stumbles to recover herself quickly, clearing her throat and tightening her grip on the stem of her glass. "Have you had dinner already?" She asks, leading him into the living room and taking a seat on an armchair.

Matt sprawls across her sofa, digging his script out of his trouser pocket and setting his wine glass on the table. "Does toast count?"

She rolls her eyes. "How are you going to jump about on set and impress the pants off everyone if you don't eat?"

He smirks. "If it's all the same to you, Kingston, I'd prefer everyone to keep their pants on."

"Cheeky sod," she laughs, reaching for her mobile. She calls for a pizza and they eat it right out of the box, sprawled across her living room floor and getting grease stains on their scripts as they read out their lines between mouthfuls of dinner and sips of wine.

It's the most relaxing read through she's ever been a part of and by the time they're finished, she's lying on her stomach with her head resting on her arms, staring at Matt as he finishes his lines and makes a rather bad attempt at Karen's Scottish accent during her parts. She giggles, which only encourages him, and she shakes with laughter the higher his voice gets. God, he's absolutely ridiculous and funny and so bloody talented. She adores him already and she knows everyone else will too.

Slipping off her reading glasses to wipe tears of laughter from her eyes, Alex watches as Matt tosses his script aside and throws himself down on the floor next to her, grinning. He has a nice smile. It lights up his whole face, somehow making him look even younger and carefree. She traces over that young face with her eyes and perhaps it's the wine and Matt's new giddiness making her a bit loopy but staring at him, she suddenly loses sight of the boy and sees only the man.

His hair keeps falling into his eyes and he brushes it back with those impossibly long fingers. She studies his hands, so large and yet somehow delicate, and finds herself wondering what they would feel like sliding over her naked skin. Shocked at her own thoughts, Alex quickly turns her eyes away from him and blinks at the floor. Where had that come from? It's so wrong. Slowly, she raises her eyes to his face again and oh, but his lips are full and red and god, she'd love to see them swollen from kisses.

"Alex?"

She starts, gaze flying up to meet his. "What?"

Warm hazel eyes crinkle in amusement. "I've been talking for the past five minutes and you haven't heard a word of it, have you?" She bites her lip guiltily and he laughs, getting to his feet and stretching.

His t-shirt rides up and she stares unrepentantly at the pale sliver of his stomach revealed, swallowing hard. He holds out a hand to her and she takes it, letting him help her up and secretly delighting in the feel of his warm fingers wrapped around her own. "I'm sorry, darling. I must be more knackered than I realized."

"It's fine," he says, smiling. "I'm pretty shattered too. See you tomorrow?"

"Right. Yes." She nods, trying not to be distracted by lovely white teeth and what they might feel like sinking into her inner thigh. "Goodnight, dear." She walks him to the door and realizes just how bloody tall and lanky he is. She's always been fond of taller men but he is a new species entirely.

"Thanks so much for going over the script with me in private," he says, lingering in the doorway, hands in his pockets. "I really appreciate it, Alex."

Smiling up at him, she lays a hand on his arm and watches his eyes widen like she'd just given him an electric shock. Startling him into blushing like that should not be so appealing. "It was no trouble at all, darling. Get some rest."

He nods, offering a small wave, suddenly shy once again. "Night."

Alex shuts the door behind him and leans against it, pressing her thighs together with a small whimper. What is he doing to her? Yesterday she'd wanted to cuddle him and feed him soup and now, she's staring full-blown lust in the face and glimpsing the urge to mother in the rearview mirror. How is she supposed to work with someone she wants to climb like a tree? She's supposed to be here to support him and make him feel comfortable, not molest him. But, oh god, how she'd like to. He probably looks absolutely delicious when properly ravished. That floppy brown hair mussed and tangled, those hazel eyes dark and sleepy, and a red flush on those stupidly high cheekbones…

Knickers damp and stomach fluttering, Alex closes her eyes and groans.

there's a hole in you and me that pulls us together

Chapter Summary

His redheaded costar is long-legged, absolutely gorgeous and his own age but he doesn't follow her about with his tongue hanging out the way he seems to with Alex. And she isn't oblivious – the boy is practically salivating.

Chapter Notes

Chapter title from Bad Sun by The Bravery. Happy Valentine's Day, bitches!

They start filming the next day and Alex spends hours on the beach in a ballgown, playing the Mrs. Robinson to Matt's Doctor when the cameras are rolling. When they aren't, she bundles herself up in a coat, hides her hair under a cap and warms her hands on a hot water bottle she's sharing with Karen. The girl is absolutely lovely and Alex can tell she's going to be just as fantastic as Matt. They have so much ahead of them – both good and bad – and they have no idea. She wishes she could warn them, but she has a feeling there are just some things they'll have to find out for themselves.

She'd been worried that the chemistry between her and Matt would be nonexistent considering their age different but she has never been so glad to be proven wrong. It's so much fun flirting with him in front of a camera that she finds it difficult to turn off when they aren't filming. And as Matt blushes at her every innuendo and even fires some of his own back at her, she finds that she doesn't want to stop. She feels a secret thrill every time he blushes because of something she says or whenever she lets her hand linger on his arm or his chest just a little too long. It's an intoxicating rush and she's loath to give it up.

Matt doesn't seem to mind either, stumbling over rocks on the beach as he follows her around between takes. His redheaded costar is long-legged, absolutely gorgeous and his own age but he doesn't follow her about with his tongue hanging out the way he seems to with Alex. And she isn't oblivious – the boy is practically salivating. She just doesn't know why. Perhaps he has a thing for older women. In any case, she's willing to indulge for both their sakes. She knows it's stupid and reckless and he's just a bit awestruck because he probably watched Moll Flanders as a teenager or something and the moment he realizes she doesn't look like that anymore, he'll lose all interest. But that doesn't mean she can't imagine shagging him senseless in the meantime.

It should feel weird considering how motherly she'd felt toward him at first but she'd seen last night just how attractive the man is and she can't just unsee it. There is no going back to that innocent affection. She finds herself seeking him out between takes. He sits on a rock by the shore

during a break and she settles next to him, gathering up her skirts so she doesn't get them wet and pushing the toes of her Uggs into the sand.

Matt puts away the sonic screwdriver he'd been fiddling with and gives her a smile. "Missing me already?"

She rolls her eyes, leaning helplessly toward the warmth he emanates like a furnace. "Hardly. You've just got the best seat in the house."

He glances up, sees Karen hopping from rock to rock along the shore, arms flailing to keep her balance, and snorts. "Five pounds says she falls in."

Alex elbows him, laughing. "You should be over there. Bonding with your new costar."

"I am bonding with my costar."

Ignoring the pleased little shiver that tingles up her spine, Alex shakes her head. "I'm not your costar."

Matt shrugs. "You sort of are."

"You know what I mean." She nudges him again. "You're going to be spending a lot of time together, dear. You should get to know each other a bit more. It'll certainly help your chemistry on the show."

"We are bonding," he insists, turning away from Karen's flailing to give her an innocent look. "We've decided to have dinner tomorrow."

She raises an eyebrow, refusing to acknowledge the way her stomach drops in disappointment. "Oh? How cozy."

He wrinkles his nose. "Not like that!"

"Why not like that?"

He shrugs, looking uncomfortable. "She's not my type."

"You have a type?" She teases, watching him blush. "Do tell, darling."

"Curvier, if you must know," he huffs, and her heart stutters. "And… blonder."

Licking her lips, she asks lightly, "So Marilyn Monroe then?"

He snorts, watching her with soft eyes. "Something like that."

The wind around them picks up, ruffling her skirts and biting through her coat, chilling her. Matt notices her shiver and almost hesitantly wraps an arm around her shoulders, instantly filling her with warmth, whether just from how close he is or his body heat, she isn't sure, but it doesn't matter and she lets out a quiet moan, curling into his side and burying her face in his shoulder. "God, you're so much better than a hot water bottle."

She feels Matt grin into her hair, and his fingers curl tighter around her shoulder.

At the end of the day, she's drenched from the rain, there's sand in her hair and her feet ache. She leaves everyone else as quickly as she can and heads up to her flat, drawing herself a warm bath. She pins her hair up haphazardly, sheds her clothes and sinks into the water with a contented sigh, letting it warm her bones and soothe her tired mind.

For a while, she's content to merely soak, her eyes shut and the scent of lavender bath oil all around her. It doesn't take long before her thoughts begin to drift back to today, her first day filming with Matt – who is just as brilliant as she'd told him he would be. She thinks of that ridiculous mop of hair continuously falling into his eyes and the way he'd pushed it back each and every time with those long, talented-looking fingers. She thinks of those same fingers pressing into her shoulder as she'd burrowed into him for warmth on the beach, the way his mouth had brushed against her temple as he smiled. And god, he smelled so bloody good. Like tweed and soap and sand. On its own, it's an odd combination, but on Matt it had been like a sodding aphrodisiac.

Biting her lip against a moan, Alex sinks a little further into the water and tells herself there's nothing wrong with what she'd doing as she slides her hand over her breasts and down her stomach, toward the damp patch of curls between her legs. But oh, who is she kidding. Half of why it's such a turn on is how utterly filthy it is – thinking of that darling baby face between her thighs, how beautifully he'd blush as she rutted against his mouth.

Biting her lip against a groan, she slips her fingers through her slick folds and lightly pinches her clit before finding her entrance and rubbing there with three fingers. Letting her head fall back to rest against the lip of the tub, she closes her eyes and draws her legs up and out of the water, draping them over the sides of the tub and spreading herself wider.

She slips one finger inside herself and releases a little sigh as her body flutters and clenches around the intrusion. Rubbing circles over her clit, she pictures Matt's long, slender hands and pushes another finger inside. She draws them out and then pushes back in again, curling them as she imagines the heat of his thin frame over hers, his hot breath on her neck and words of encouragement murmured in that low growl of a voice.

Moaning, Alex rolls her hips, riding her fingers and pressing down hard on her clit with her thumb. Lightly trailing the tips of her fingers over her neck and down her chest, she pretends it's his wonderful tongue tracing over her clavicle, licking between her breasts, that hot mouth drawing a nipple in and sucking until her eyes roll back in her head. Her sex tightens around her fingers and Alex whinges as water laps at the sides of the tub. God, she's so close. She just wants him to touch her, wants to get his cock inside her and watch him blush down to his toes as she rides him.

She's so wet now her fingers slide in and out of her easily, her sex as fluid as the water sloshing around her. Pressing deeper, she feels her orgasm cresting up to meet her with every undulation of her hips and she presses her fingers harder inside, twisting them viciously as her walls clamp down. She gasps for air, her breaths coming in ragged pants as she pushes herself higher and higher. She thinks of those hazel eyes, that deliciously innocent grin and oh god –

Thump, thump, thump.

Eyes flying open, Alex pauses, her whole body on fire as she listens.

Thump, thump.

It takes her a moment in the state she's in but when the realization that someone is knocking on her door finally sinks in, she lets out a frustrated noise dangerously close to a sob and slides her

fingers from her throbbing core. She washes them off in the water and leaps from the tub, grabbing her nightgown and pulling it on over her head without bothering to dry off. She leaves the bathroom and heads down the hallway with a horrible ache between her thighs, silently hating whoever had interrupted her when she'd been right on the edge. Granted, it would have been one of those orgasms that left her feeling guilty, dirty and utterly lonely but by god she had been looking forward to it.

Swinging her door open, she finds herself staring at Matt, who looks her up and down – her white nightgown clinging to her damp skin and her hair in a disarrayed updo – and beams, holding up a bottle of wine. "Hello. Sorry I didn't call but I thought you might like a nightcap." He looks unsure when she just stares at him. "Was I interrupting something?"

She fights back a snort. "Just a bath." She stands back to let him in with a sigh. "Come in, darling. You know where the glasses are."

He hesitates. "Are you sure? I could just go."

"You'll do no such thing," she says, taking him by the elbow and leading him inside because really, it isn't his fault he'd interrupted her in the middle of her filthy thoughts about him.

"All right, no need to be so pushy, Kingston. Desperate for my company?" He grins and she shoves at him, listening to his giggle.

They sit on her sofa and sip their wine for a while, Matt talking about the hectic first day of filming they'd had and how much fun it had been while Alex bites her lip and watches him with a growing ache between her thighs. She'd been so close before that there is no getting her mind to turn away from thoughts of her suspended release and now the object of her frustration is sitting right in front of her with no idea how utterly fuckable he looks.

He keeps licking his lips while he talks and she stares at his tongue, wanting to lean forward and suck it into her mouth. "I still can't quite believe I'm actually getting the chance to work with you."

She just manages to stop staring at his mouth, imagining it somewhere else, long enough to pay attention and wonder when the conversation had been steered in this direction – probably while she was thinking about other places he could put his tongue. "That's very sweet of you, honey, but I'm hardly worth getting starstruck over. I'm sure you'll end up working with actors much more famous than I am."

Frowning, he shakes his head, glancing down at the wine in his glass. "I doubt that. You're amazing, Alex. Funny and gorgeous and so bloody talented. If you could have heard the talk around set when everyone knew you were coming back – they're all a bit in love with you, honestly."

The throbbing between her thighs is almost unbearable now as she listens to him talk about her like she's a bloody saint. It would be easy to push him back onto the cushions and show him how very wrong he is – to shatter all his illusions about her and his youthful naïveté all at once. Clearing her throat, she says, "And what about you, darling? What do you think?"

He gives her a small smile and answers honestly, "You scare the hell out of me."

As he takes a swig of his wine, Alex watches his throat flex as he swallows and bites down hard on her lip. "Well that's unfortunate," she says, deliberately crossing her legs to make her nightgown ride up her thighs. His gaze is drawn to her bare skin instantly, eyes dark. "I've always felt quite at home around you."

He slowly raises his eyes from her legs up to her face, watching her in silence for a moment. And then he puts aside his wine glass with an air of determination, scooting a little closer to her. Alex doesn't move, her whole body still screaming for release. If she moves, she might not be able to stop herself from jumping him.

But it turns out she needn't have worried.

Matt closes the distance between them all by himself and kisses her. Already on edge because of his interruption earlier, she is set alight at the touch of his mouth over hers. Those full lips are warm and soft against her own and yes he's almost twenty years younger than her, yes she's supposed to be mentoring him and yes she'll probably wind up regretting this but as he slips his tongue past her lips and delves inside her mouth, she doesn't fight it. She welcomes it.

With a moan, she wraps her arms around his neck and closes the distance between their bodies, straddling his lap and pressing her chest against his, kissing him back fervently. He tastes of wine and innocence, like a mouthful of sin. Alex fists her hands in his hair, already drunk. He clutches her to him, mouth harsh and eager against her own, and she feels another trickle of pure heat flood through her. She has to have him – now.

Pulling away to nip at his jaw while Matt pants harshly into her hair, Alex reaches for the button on his trousers and feels him jump in surprise. She soothes a particularly vicious bite with a stroke of her tongue and grins, undoing the zip and reaching inside his pants to find him already half-hard.

His grip on her hips turns bruising. "Jesus Christ," he whimpers, and she wraps a hand around his length, stroking up and down until he's hot and heavy in her palm. Moving to his mouth again, she brushes her lips over his once, twice, drawing him into her like a siren with her song. He follows her lips as she moves backward and she kisses him, opening under him as he finally comes out of that shy little shell of his. His hands roam her body with impatience – over her hips, her waist, brushing the sides of her breasts with his thumbs, until he finally buries them in her hair, yanking out her hairclip and tossing it aside.

Scooting backward with one hand still wrapped around his cock, Alex presses her other hand to the back of his neck and pulls him down on top of her, sighing at the weight of his body against her. She fumbles between them for the hem of her nightgown, smiling into their kiss when he moves to help her. When his fingers come into contact with her slick flesh, she tosses her head back with a moan, as he whispers, "No knickers? God, you're going to kill me."

She lifts her hips impatiently – she'd had her foreplay earlier and now she just wants to be fucked. Unfortunately, Matt seems intent on taking his time, sliding his fingers through her wetness and mouthing at her neck, murmuring about how soaked she is. He's not even trying to talk dirty, he's just observing , his tone innocent and oblivious to the fact that the sound of his voice in her ear is like throwing gasoline on a fire. Any moment now, she's going to explode. Tossing her head to the side in frustration, she growls, "Yes, I know, darling. Care to do something about it?"

Flushed and trembling, he pulls a condom out of his wallet and when his hands prove unsteady, she puts it on for him, licking at his neck and feeling him shiver above her. With her nightgown bunched around her waist, Alex lies back as he shifts his hips and pushes into her and fuck she is so stretched and deliciously full that if he moves even an inch more inside her she's going to come before they've started. She feels raw - like a livewire, sparking and sputtering with light beneath his fingertips.

When Matt starts to thrust, panting and grunting into her neck, one of those wonderfully large palms kneading her breast through her nightgown, Alex feels helpless to do anything but moan and sigh, hitching a leg around his narrow waist. He hasn't even undressed, his t-shirt still on and his jeans and pants around his knees but she doesn't care.

His hips stutter unevenly already, his cries into her neck increasingly desperate and she knows it isn't going to take long for him. Taking his hand from her breast, she guides it between her legs. "God, yes." He sighs against her ear, hips moving furiously. "Show me. Show me what you want, love."

He presses against her clit but it isn't quite hard enough and she pushes his fingers against her more roughly. He follows her silent instructions quickly, fingers pressing higher and harder until she gasps out loud, scrabbling at his back. Christ, his technique isn't even anything spectacular but

it's shy, bumbling Matt moving hot and hard inside her, sending stabs of heat through her body with every thrust of his hips and his thumb slicking over her clit – oh yes there.

Alex comes with a shout, dragging his mouth down to hers as her cunt tightens and flutters around him and Matt kisses her hard. His hips are fast losing their rhythm and the moment she sinks her teeth into his bottom lip and tugs, he lets out a muffled cry and stills against her, collapsing against her chest.

She takes a moment to catch her breath, shutting her eyes to the ceiling and relishing the warm, tingling, satiated feeling that steals over her in these quiet moments after. In a moment, the guilt and shame will find her, but right now, she is flying far too high for any of it to touch her. At the brush of soft, gentle lips against her neck, Alex opens her eyes to find Matt smiling at her, looking adorably satisfied and shy.

Stretching languidly, she pets his hair and listens to him hum. The sex had been good – mostly because it was him and she'd already been so wound up – but not exactly mind-blowing. But Matt had shown an eagerness and willingness to learn that she finds refreshing. Most men she has been with don't take direction well, which can be tedious, but Matt seems to welcome it. He wants to be better, wants to please her. He's pretty amazing all on his own, if perhaps a bit fumbling. With more experience though…

Alex shivers and Matt wraps an arm around her, kissing her breast.

She could make it so that whoever has him next will want to write her a letter of thanks and whoever he is with after her will never be quite good enough. She could ruin him, if she

wanted. Glancing down at Matt, she finds him watching her, bright-eyed and affectionate, his hair mussed and a hickey forming on his neck. She was right before. He is beautiful when ravished. This boy is clay in her hands, ready to be molded into something magnificent. He is a challenge waiting to be met, a pupil eager for a lesson.

And she has always had a knack for teaching.

tie your hands and demand a salute

Chapter Summary

It's been almost twelve hours since he stumbled out of her flat and across the hall into his own, barely dressed with his hair all over the place and a stupidly satisfied grin on his face. And now he can't stop looking at her.

Chapter Notes

Chapter title from Mercy by Matt Nathanson.

Matt walks around the next day in a hazy, dreamlike state, grinning like an idiot and following Alex with his eyes wherever she goes. They had actually – and she… He still can't quite believe it. To be honest, the whole thing is a bit of a blur. He just remembers her looking so beautiful – all that hair piled on top of her head and a few ringlets framing her face, that white nightgown damp and a little see-through from her bathwater, and those lovely, milky thighs. He couldn't help it, didn't know one man on earth who wouldn't have been tempted. So he kissed her. He'd expected a gasp of indignation, a slap, anything other than the enthusiastic response he'd gotten. Christ, she'd been everywhere, all over and all around him, like some passionate, omnipresent entity. He can still feel her under his hands.

It's been almost twelve hours since he stumbled out of her flat and across the hall into his own, barely dressed with his hair all over the place and a stupidly satisfied grin on his face. And now he can't stop looking at her. Alex seems to be doing a much better job of keeping her eyes to herself but that's to be expected. She's a professional and she won't let something like an offset romance throw her off balance. Matt knows he should be following her example but how he can he not wait impatiently for the next wink she decides to throw his way or stop watching the way her curls bounce when she laughs?

But he also doesn't want to let everyone know just by the look on his face that he'd shagged his costar last night and has very high hopes of doing so again in the near future, so in between watching Alex, he tries to do his job. It's just terribly difficult to focus when he can't stop remembering her hands on his back, one of those shapely legs locked around his waist and the way she'd guided his hand between her thighs, an unholy light in her eyes as he'd touched her.

He shivers.

Karen nudges him and Alex looks up. "Not cold are you? I told you to bring your hot water

bottle." She clutches hers to her chest. "You're not getting mine, Smith."

Smiling a little – Karen has been much more outspoken with him since he had to bite her hand earlier – Matt shakes his head. "I was just thinking."

She raises an eyebrow. "What are you thinking that would cause a full-bodied shiver?" Her eyes light up and her grin turns manic. "Oh my god, are you blushing?" She reaches out a hand to poke at his face. "You are."

Feeling his cheeks redden further, Matt shoves her hand away and avoids Alex's knowing gaze. "Shut up, I do not blush."

"You're a walking poster boy for shame, Smith," she says. "Don't make me sic Alex on you. She'll get you to talk."

He sputters, choking, but Alex doesn't even flinch. "Yes, darling. Don't make me spank you."

His face must be the color of a tomato but the words conjure some pretty fantastic images and he licks his lips, tugging his jacket tighter around himself to hide any reaction he might have. Alex must see the interest in his eyes because she arches an eyebrow and narrows her gaze, as if actually contemplating it. Swallowing hard, he glances away quickly and says, "Oh look, they're ready for us. Shall we?"

Karen huffs. "Fine, don't share. I probably don't want to know anyway."

As she wanders off with a wrinkled nose, Matt mutters, "Was that really necessary?"

Tucking her hot water bottle underneath her chin, Alex looks up at him through her lashes. "I don't know, darling. Are you feeling naughty? Should I get the riding crop?"

He can't stop the unconscious twitching of his hand as he moves to reach for her but her eyes widen and he remembers where they are. Curling his hand into a fist at his side, he asks quietly, "Am I going to see you tonight?"

She hesitates. "I don't know."

"You don't…" He trails off, confused.

Alex glances away. "I haven't decided yet."

Oh.

He should have expected this, really. Just because he's been head over heels since the moment he laid eyes on her certainly doesn't mean Alex feels the same way. Alright, yes, she's been sending him those looks all day but from what he's seen of Alex so far, she seems to be a naturally flirtatious person and he'd been stupid to think it had anything to do with him in particular. She'd seemed to enjoy herself last night and while he hadn't expected it to be just a one-off, that have might been stupidly naïve of him. She's Alex Kingston for god's sake. What would she want with him anyway?

Clearing her throat and drawing him from his thoughts, Alex gathers her skirts in her hand and avoids his eyes, muttering, "Excuse me, dear, I think I'll just go have my hair touched up before the next scene."

He nods, not even seeing her as she walks away, traipsing along the beach in those boots. Remembering the way her chest had heaved beneath his ear and those gentle fingers in his hair, Matt shakes his head.

It wouldn't have worked out anyway.

He goes to dinner with Karen that night and it helps get his mind off things for a while. He focuses on getting to know the girl he's going to be working with for the foreseeable future and finds that while she's a bit mad, she's also funny and oddly charming. They have a nice time together and he's hoping they'll be pretty good mates before long. But the moment he's back in his flat, his thoughts return to Alex. He grabs a beer from the fridge and kicks off his shoes, heaving a heavy sigh as he drops onto the sofa and prepares to spend a few hours feeling sorry for himself.

Will I see you tonight?

He scoffs and buries his face in the sofa cushion, mortified. God, he's an idiot.

As if someone like Alex would waste her time with someone like him. She's older, more experienced, stunningly gorgeous – there are probably hoards of men begging for her attention and he actually thought she'd bestow all of hers on him? Getting to his feet – he has a feeling he's going to need the whole case of beer to get over the humiliation of today – he stops in his tracks at a soft but firm knock on the door. His heart leaps into his throat but he doesn't dare hope even as he slides in his socks in his haste to answer it. It's probably just Karen or –

"Alex."

He blinks in surprise as she pushes him hurriedly into his flat and shuts the door behind them. It only takes a moment to register that she's wearing a robe and carrying a box and something shiny that he only catches a glimpse of before she's shoving him backwards and all his attention is suddenly focused elsewhere. Smiling, he reaches for her but she dances out of his grasp, pushing at his chest. He stumbles backwards, letting her take the lead as he says, "I thought you said -"

"I changed my mind," she answers simply, and pushes him all the way down the hall and into his bedroom. Not that he's complaining.

She gives him one last surprisingly strong shove and he falls backwards onto the bed. Scrambling to sit up as she crawls up the mattress after him, Matt pulls his t-shirt over his head and reaches for her again, wanting nothing but to touch her and kiss her and bask in the relief because she does want him. But he's rebuffed once again and this time, he gets a very good look at the shiny thing she'd been carrying earlier just before she pulls his hands above his head and handcuffs him to his own bed.

As he stares at her in shock, feeling the cold metal against his wrists and ashamed to admit how utterly sexy he finds this whole thing, Alex tugs his trousers and pants down his legs and off, leaning back to admire her work thus far, giving a small, satisfied nod. She towers over him on her knees, untying her robe and sliding it off her shoulders. It lands in a pool of silk at the foot of his bed but he isn't paying any attention because she hadn't been wearing anything underneath.

God, she is just as beautiful as he knew she'd be – soft curves, pale skin and full, gorgeous breasts tipped with pert, dusky nipples begging to be sucked. His mouth waters and he's hard instantly. Without thinking, he moves to touch her. Alex smirks and the handcuffs bite into his skin as a harsh reminder.

He is at her mercy.

Swallowing, he asks, "Is this the part where you have your wicked way with me? Because I have to say, the handcuffs aren't necessary. I'm very willing."

Her smirk widens and she reaches for the box next to her on the bed. "No, this is the part where you watch."

Watch?

She straddles his chest, fondling her own breast with a soft moan. She looks right into his eyes as she pinches her nipple and rolls it between her fingers until it's hard and pebbled. It's like the best wet dream he's ever had except she's real and right in front of him. And he can't touch her.

With a little sigh, she trails her hand down her stomach and into the nest of curls between her legs. He has a front row view as she slides her fingers over her pink, glistening folds, teasing herself with soft strokes. "Mm," she shivers a little, small fingers circling over her clit. "I'm so wet, darling."

Oh, he knows. He can smell her arousal, see it slicking her fingers and dampening her thighs.

"Jesus Christ," he groans, watching her lean back and slide two fingers easily into herself.

As she begins to pump them in and out, thumb pressing into her clit, she reaches for her breast again, kneading it roughly and tossing her head back. Her hips rock in time with her thrusts and she makes these soft, whimpering noises that tell him she is enjoying herself immensely. He knows the feeling. And then she stops, pulling her fingers from her body and panting as she reaches for the box at her side.

He frowns, puzzled, until she opens the box and pulls out a vibrator. "I have others but this is my favorite." She touches the tips of her fingers lightly to the little rabbit ears. "The clitoral stimulation is amazing."

He shifts uncomfortably but says nothing, unable to see or think about anything but Alex lying alone in her bed and using this thing on herself. She turns it on and it begins to buzz in her hand. She runs her fingers over it lightly and then touches it to her clit, crying out. Shifting her hips, she positions the toy at her entrance.

"I don't think it'll compare to you, darling," she says breathlessly. "But you're a bit tied up at the moment."

Whimpering as she slides it into her cunt, Matt watches her lips stretch around the invasion, pulling it inside and adjusting quickly to its size. "Oh god, Alex," he says, straining against the handcuffs and getting nowhere. "Let me touch you. Please."

Ignoring him, Alex spreads her legs a little wider and leans back against his chest, letting him see as she works the vibrator inside her over and over again. The only sounds in the room are its faint buzzing, Alex's soft moans and Matt's harsh breathing. God, he just wants her. He wants to touch her so badly he can't stand it; he'll go out of his mind if she doesn't release him from these bloody cuffs and let him run his hands over her.

Panting, Alex reaches out a hand and grabs a fistful of his hair, yanking his head up to look at her, a hint of desperation in her eyes. "Talk to me, darling."

He's never been very talented at dirty talk but right now, she could ask him to jump in front of a bus and he'd trip over his own feet in his haste to do it for her. As her hips undulate and the toy buzzes, he's nearly babbling, "Please let me touch you. I'll do anything, please. Oh god, I can smell you and it's making my mouth water."

Alex moans, tossing her head back and moving the toy faster. "More."

He licks his dry lips, trying to focus less on the raging erection between his legs and the urge to touch her and focus more on getting Alex to her release. "God, look at you. You're taking it so well, you naughty girl. Does it feel good, fucking yourself right in front of me?" Her breath hitches, the movement of her hips stuttering. "So gorgeous. I want you so bloody badly, Alex. Can't wait to be inside you again – it's all I've thought about all day - "

Before he can utter another word, Alex's fall shut and her mouth drops open as she cries out, coming hard. He watches greedily as her sex spasms rhythmically around the vibrator, utterly mesmerized by the sight of her. When the tremors stop, she pulls it out gingerly, tossing it aside with a moan.

Wrists aching from straining against the handcuffs and erection bordering on painful, Matt bites his lip as Alex tries to catch her breath. "Was that alright? I don't usually talk during -"

Alex cuts him off with a sexy little chuckle, bending her head to press an open-mouthed kiss to his chest. "That was perfect, dear."

Shifting about in an attempt to alleviate some of the pressure between his legs, Matt bites back a groan as she nips at his abdomen with her teeth. "Can you uncuff me now?"

Without looking up, she shakes her head, the ends of her hair brushing his stomach and god that feels amazing. "Can't, sorry."

"Why not?"

She smiles wickedly against his skin. "Because I'm going to be far too busy down here to bother with those all the way up there."

He swallows as she presses a kiss to the tip of his erection. "Right," he rasps. "Carry on then."

"Oh, I intend to," she murmurs, and takes him into her mouth.

Gasping, Matt curls his hands into the sheets and strains to keep from thrusting up and gagging her. Her mouth is hot and wet around him and she just keeps taking him in over and over again and oh god maybe gagging her isn't really something he should be concerned with. Hands tight on his thighs and eyes shut, Alex works her mouth over him with an air that says she can't think of anything else she'd rather be doing. She's so intent on him, groaning a bit as she takes him all the way down her throat –

"Fuck," he hisses, and squeezes his eyes shut, trying to think of something else, anything else. He just wants this to last forever.

As if reading his mind and delighting in being contradictory, Alex releases him from her mouth and the cool air of his bedroom hits his throbbing cock, slick with her saliva. Matt whimpers, nearly writhing with the need to feel her around him again. Mouth swollen and red, she watches him with sparkling eyes and when she reaches for the toy beside them on the bed, it takes him a moment to wonder what she's up to, too busy thinking about how much he wants to kiss those delectable lips of hers. He doesn't register what she's doing until he hears the low humming of the vibrator and then it's being pressed against his testicles. His hips nearly fly off the mattress as he cries out, gasping up at the ceiling in open-mouthed pleasure.

"Jesus Christ," he swears, turning his face into his pillow and choking on a sob as Alex chuckles, a low, throaty sound that makes his need to come even more imperative.

"I've been thinking," she says, tone light and conversational, as if she doesn't have him handcuffed to his bed with her vibrator against his balls. "If we're going to do this, darling, I need you to agree to something."

Biting his lip so hard he expects blood to fill his mouth, Matt watches her with wide, glassy eyes, willing to agree to just about anything.

Alex smiles, predatory as a cat in the jungle. "I'm in charge."

He nods frantically as she presses a button on her vibrator and the buzzing grows more persistent. "Yes," he spits out, thrusting up into the air with a groan. "God, yes, whatever you want. Just please -"

Apparently satisfied, she bends over him again, her hair brushing his thighs as she takes him back into her lovely, glorious mouth. The combination of the buzzing against his testicles and the warm wetness of Alex's mouth is too much and the moment she grazes her teeth over him – a light, barely there pressure that shouldn't be so hot – Matt comes with a strangled shout, hands white-knuckled in the sheets and toes curled as Alex swallows around his twitching cock.

For a moment, he closes his eyes and sees nothing but blinding white, quite certain he has gone blind and maybe deaf too. Until he hears Alex hum contentedly and feels her slither up his body, curling around him and pressing her lips to his neck. "You're so pliable, darling," she murmurs, smiling. "I think I'm going to like this."

some kind of dark sorcerer

Chapter Summary

His fingers dig into her arse and he curls his tongue around her own in a way that makes her moan. She can't help but let her mind wander; thinking of all the other ways that skillful mouth of his could please her.

Chapter Notes

Chapter title from Ok Go's WTF. Shorter chapter but I'll update again soon!

Kissing Matt is like nothing else she has ever experienced. Never before has she felt so worshipped. All he has to do is press his lips firmly against hers, curl his tongue around her own with determination and give that soft little whinge of contentment and she's a goner. On the sofa in her flat, arms around his neck as she straddles him, Alex is in a position of dominance but his mouth is lulling her into submission, like a snake charmer and his flute. Beneath her, Matt slips his hand under her shirt and draws lazy circles on the small of her back. She shivers and kisses him just a bit harder. It's intoxicating, this feeling of being the center of all of his focus.

They've been sitting on her sofa snogging since they stumbled through the door together half an hour ago and though the buildup is more gradual than she's used to, she's thoroughly enjoying herself. It's been a long time since she kissed someone just for the hell of it – this languid, hot, passionate snogging. She feels like a teenager again.

She rather loves it.

His tongue licks at her teeth, the roof of her mouth. He nips at her bottom lip, his hand sliding out from her shirt to let his fingers sneak beneath the waistband of her trousers, and he squeezes a handful of her bare arse, tugging her closer. She feels his erection through his jeans and gasps, holding his face in her hands and kissing him harder. It's a slow burn that says eventually, she'll make him lie back and take what she wants, but right now, she's content to make those lips of his just as swollen as he's currently making a very different part of her.

Just thinking about it, Alex sighs into his mouth and grinds her hips down against him. Matt groans, shifting to meet her thrust without breaking their kiss. God, she loves his mouth. He may need some practice in other areas but when it comes to snogging, the man requires no lessons.

Growing tired of their lazy buildup; Alex grasps the hem of his t-shirt and lifts it over his head, her hands immediately moving to his chest as his mouth hurriedly finds hers again. She trails her fingers over his chest and stomach, feeling his muscles tremble under her touch. His fingers dig into her arse and he curls his tongue around her own in a way that makes her moan. She can't help but let her mind wander; thinking of all the other ways that skillful mouth of his could please her.

Perhaps it's time to see what this boy can do.

Breaking their kiss and letting Matt rest his forehead lightly against hers, panting, Alex strokes her fingers over his chest and tries not to focus on the ache between her legs. "Bedroom," she says, admiring the way his eyes darken and his cheeks flush. "I want your mouth on me."

He follows her down the hall without a word, watching her undress and toss her clothes onto a chair in the corner. She beckons him closer, pulling him with her onto the bed and placing one last lingering kiss to his lips before spreading her legs and pushing him down. He goes willingly enough but she can sense his trepidation and frowns. "Have you ever done this before?"

"A few times." He looks about as shy as the day she met him and Alex vows that one day, she'll break that little boy persona until there's nothing left but confidence in his own sexuality. "Wouldn't consider myself an expert, though. Are you sure you wouldn't rather I used my fingers or -"

"No," she says quickly, then hesitates before deciding that in this case, honesty is the best confidence booster. "I like your mouth."

He grins at her, fingers stroking over the tops of her thighs, but still looks unsure.

"Unless you have some aversion to doing this -"

His eyes widen and his hands are on her knees in an instant, keeping her from closing her legs. "No! I want to, I -" He licks his lips. "I want to taste you. I'm just afraid I'm rubbish."

His unwillingness to disappoint is adorable and Alex feels a new rush of heat spread through her abdomen. "I somehow doubt that," she says wryly. "But don't worry, darling. I can instruct you."

His face lights up and his pupils dilate, as if he considers the idea of her talking him through it the

sexiest thing he's ever heard. Oh, she knew she'd taken him to bed for a reason. Without further preamble, he ducks his head and drapes her legs over his shoulders. He licks at the crease of her thigh and then looks up at her when she squirms, grinning.

She tries to glare at him but there is something about that bashful young face between her thighs, looking so eager, that is unbearably sexy. He continues to tease her, inhaling her scent, his breath hot on her oversensitive, slick sex. He nips at her inner thigh and she moans, digging her heel into his shoulder blade. "Matthew."

He blinks up at her innocently. "Yes?"

She huffs. "If you don't put your mouth on me, so help me -"

"Is that a threat, Ms. Kingston?"

"It's an order," she says through gritted teeth.

To his credit, Matt follows orders with all the grace of a soldier obeying his senior officer. He licks a long stripe up the length of her sex and they both groan. Encouraged by the noise, he settles his hands on her thighs and sets to work like a hungry boy at the dinner table, all enthusiasm.

Alex tries to talk through her ragged moans because even without much experience, his mouth is still a bloody gift from God. Hand clenched in his hair, she gasps out, "Slower, take your time." Immediately, the strokes of his tongue slow, becoming more languid, like the kisses they'd shared on the sofa. She whimpers. "Not too hard. Use the flat of your tongue, darling. Oh god, yes, like that."

Panting, she watches his head move between her legs and struggles to keep her eyes open. His tongue is wet and warm and oh so precise as he laps at her, savoring the taste of her like she's an expensive dessert he may never get the chance to try again. Unable to stop herself, Alex rocks against his mouth, eyelids fluttering.

Pleased, Matt hums against her and slides his tongue into her cunt, twisting and stroking it against her silken walls like he's trying to map her from the inside out. Alex cries out, rutting against his ministrations desperately. She's dripping wet and overcome with the need to flood that delicious mouth with her release.

"My clit. Oh god, suck on my -" She yelps, hands scrabbling at the sheets as he suckles on the swollen nub, moving his long fingers to her entrance and sliding two inside her easily. "Matthew, yes!"

Oh, he takes direction so well.

He crooks his fingers inside her just right, mouth sealed around her clit, and Alex screams at the ceiling, closing her thighs around his head to hold him in place as she comes, her whole body quivering. Matt doesn't seem to mind, his hands tight on her hips as he continues to lap at her through her orgasm, prolonging it as much as possible. When she's too sensitive to handle his tongue any longer, Alex lets her thighs fall open and tugs on his hair. Matt moves from her sex, pressing kisses to her inner thigh instead.

Finally, he raises his head to look at her, lips and chin slick with the evidence of her arousal. He looks hopeful, as if asking her to tell him he'd pleased her and Alex whimpers, tugging him to her by his hair. He settles between her legs as she pulls him into a fierce kiss, licking the wetness from his mouth and chin, snogging him until the bitter tang of herself disappears from his mouth and all she can taste is him again.

When she releases him, she finally notices his erection prodding at her hip, but Matt doesn't seem to be paying any mind, smiling down at her. "So that was alright?"

Alex starts to nod, then adds with a smirk, "Well, there's always room for improvement."

His mouth moves to her breast as he mumbles, "I'm ever under your tutelage, Ms. Kingston."

it makes you blind, it does you in

Chapter Summary

It isn't unusual for Alex to visit him in the middle of the night and Matt always loves it when she crawls into bed beside him and they caress each other in the dark. But this time is different.

Chapter Notes

Chapter title from Love Is Like A Bottle of Gin by the Magnetic Fields.

It isn't unusual for Alex to visit him in the middle of the night and Matt always loves it when she crawls into bed beside him and they caress each other in the dark. But this time is different. She strips him naked and makes him lie down, tying a silk scarf around his head as a blindfold. He can't see a thing, but he can hear the rustling of the sheets as she moves and smell that aroma of jasmine that seems to follow her wherever she goes. It's odd, no matter how sweaty they get, no matter how sex positively permeates the room; he can still bury his face in her neck and smell jasmine.

Every sense is heightened now and he sucks in a quiet breath as he feels Alex straddle his legs and bend over him, the ends of her hair tickling his thighs. He bites his lip to hold back a whimper of anticipation but she does nothing but breathe over him, her hot breath making him impossibly harder. He can practically feel her staring at him and he can't help but wonder if she sees him the way he sees himself – a blind, desperate fool ever eager for her touch.

She doesn't speak, depriving him of not only the sight of her but the sound of her as well. It's maddening, waiting with bated breath in this dark prison, like a condemned man longing for the touch of the sun. And then he feels her warm, wet tongue wrap around his cock, curling around the base and sliding up like she's giving her attention to a lollipop instead of a man.

He moans, barely managing to keep from tilting his hips up and begging. She might tie him down again or even worse, just leave him here, if the mood strikes her. So he fists the sheets in his hands until his knuckles ache and waits for her next move. Alex doesn't disappoint, licking away the moisture on the head of his erection and then sucking on the tip as if in hopes of tasting more.

Groaning, Matt twists his head to the side and grits his teeth.

Alex chuckles softly, her fingers stroking him teasingly. "What do you feel, Matthew?"

Startled by the sound of her voice in the quiet room, it takes him a moment to respond. "Frustrated."

She tuts disapprovingly and tightens her grip around him. "No. What do you feel?"

He swallows. "You touching me."

"Now, darling, I know you can be more specific than that."

"I can."

"Then say it." She taps her fingers against his thigh. "I want to hear it."

"Alex -"

"What do you feel?"

He huffs but knows better than to disobey. "Your hand on my cock."

The words are barely out of his mouth before his erection is enveloped in the glorious warm wetness of her mouth as she takes him all the way down her throat. He cries out, unable to stop his hips from lifting off the mattress. She pushes him back down, pinning him to the bed as she continues to move her head up and down over him.

Matt pants up at the ceiling, seeing nothing but darkness but feeling so very much. She hollows her cheeks, making her thrusts shorter and sharper until his whole world narrows down to the wet suction of her mouth and the way her teeth occasionally graze over him, the way her tongue swirls over the head. His toes curl and he moans, reaching out for her, wanting to fist her hair in his hands and hold on as he comes.

And then, just as quickly as she'd taken him in, she leaves him.

The warmth of her mouth is gone and in the chilly air of his bedroom, he feels his once fast-approaching orgasm begin to ebb away like the evening tide. Groaning out his frustration, Matt slams a fist against the mattress and listens as Alex shifts and settles on the bed, her body stretched out beside him. Her lips are at his neck, leaving soft kisses while her hand rubs his chest and down his stomach. When her teeth latch onto his earlobe and tug, her hand wraps around his cock.

He bites down hard on his bottom lip and endures the pain in his ear for the sake of her small, soft hand on him. She knows just the right way to flex her wrist, the right pressure, the right way to press her thumb there just so and before long, he's lifting his hips from the bed and thrusting into her hand, whimpering her name.

She croons into his ear, breath hot against his skin. "Do you want to come, Matthew?"

He nods frantically, too caught up in the rhythm to answer her verbally.

Instantly, her hand is gone and he's left hard and seconds from release. He nearly cries as he feels her get up and hears her bare feet padding away from him. Oh god, he's done something horribly wrong and she's just going to leave him here to suffer. He's seconds from pulling off the blindfold when he hears her rooting around in his kitchen, obviously searching for something. He could peek, of course. But he lies totally still and waits for her return. It's always more fun in the end when he plays by Alex's rules.

She comes back into the room humming and there's a rustling of plastic as she opens something. He wants to ask what she's doing but she wouldn't answer him anyway and any more cheek from him and she might really leave him alone in his flat, hard and aching for her. He'll never get any sleep that way. He's rather hoping that if he's obedient enough and pleases her enough, he can convince her to stay here tonight. She hasn't slept over yet but he lives in hope that one day, he'll get to see her face first thing in the morning instead of the empty side of his bed.

Alex climbs back onto the bed and doesn't even give him time to prepare himself before something cool touches his erection. He sucks in a breath and his whole body tenses but as she smears the substance over his groin, he starts to relax again. The second he does, he's rewarded with Alex's finger pushing past his lips and he accepts the invasion greedily, tasting whipped cream as he sucks and swirls his tongue around. When he's licked her finger clean, Alex takes it from his mouth and returns the favor, her tongue lapping at his erection and testicles.

Tense once more, Matt curls his hands into the sheets and imagines what she must look like, whipped cream smeared over her mouth and chin as she licks. He's so hard it actually hurts and he squirms as she tongues at his slit, cleaning up the last of the whipped topping. God, if she would

just take him into her mouth now, he would come at just the feel of her around him.

But she doesn't. Instead, she moves away again and this time, tears of frustration spring to his eyes. He's just glad of the blindfold so Alex can't see what a pitiful creature she reduces him to. "Oh god, Alex," he groans. "Please. Please let me -"

"Begging won't get you anywhere this time, darling," she says, voice serene, as if she hasn't spent the last forty-five minutes torturing him to the point of tears. "You want to come?"

"Yes."

She hums thoughtfully, trailing her mouth lightly over his cock like the whisper of a kiss.

He whimpers.

"You're going to have to earn it then."

"How?"

He can almost hear her smirking as she crawls up his chest. "By giving what you want to receive."

Almost instantly, he knows what she means and he just has time to mumble, "Oh yes," before her hands are in his hair and her thighs close around his head. He opens his mouth eagerly and his tongue darts out to taste her sex as she hovers over him. Initially, he'd been a little hesitant about this because he really didn't think he could please her but oh, the sounds she makes when he tastes her are like a reward all their own.

He places an open-mouthed kiss to her cunt and moans when he finds her absolutely soaked. He loves how much it turns her on to have control over him and he shows it now by devoting all of his attention to her and forgetting about the ache between his own legs. He wants to make her come, wants to hear her scream, and he's positively single-minded in his pursuit.

Alex cries out, rocking against his mouth, her hands tight in his hair. "Oh god, darling." She grinds down on him and gasps. "Harder. Yes."

He pictures her above him, sitting astride his face and rolling those magnificent hips, her head thrown back and those glorious curls spilling over her shoulders. He thrusts his tongue into her dripping entrance once, twice, then takes her clit into his mouth, closing his lips around the swollen bundle of nerves. Her grip on his hair bordering on agonizing, Alex pushes down against his tongue and shouts, drenching his mouth and chin with her release.

Panting hard, she moves off of him shakily, and he can feel her body trembling as she crawls away. Her voice is husky as she presses a kiss to his chest. "Good boy. Want your reward now?"

Fuck yes.

He clears his throat and tries not to sound too desperate. "Please."

It surprises him when she leans over and he hears her begin to rummage through his nightstand. He feels the latex slide over his erection as she puts the condom on for him and it takes all of his willpower not to spill over her hand just then. Her mere touch could make him explode – he has no idea how she expects him to handle the heat of her cunt around him. But Alex has no mercy and she sinks down on him with a high-pitched moan. He nearly chokes, hands flying to her hips to hold her steady as she starts to move. "Oh god, Alex."

She bounces in his lap and he wants nothing more than to rip away the blindfold and see the way her breasts sway as she moves. Sliding up and down his cock, her sex still fluttering around him, Alex must read his mind. She doesn't remove the blindfold but she does slide her bare skin against his, leaning over him and murmuring, "Open your mouth, darling."

The moment he does, he feels her breast against his lips and moans, pulling her closer and sucking her pert nipple into his mouth. She gasps softly, still rocking her hips furiously, grinding her clit against his pelvic bone with every downward thrust. It's here – with Alex hot and wet around him, with her slick skin against his own and the smell of sex and jasmine permeating the air – that Matt learns to love the dark.

a reaction to some soft skin

Chapter Summary

Matt's problem, she surmises, is that he lacks confidence. He has no idea how outrageously sexy he is – albeit in a bumbling, lanky, endearing sort of way.

Chapter Notes

Chapter title from Let's Talk Turkey by Ima Robot.

Panting and delightfully exhausted, Alex collapses next to Matt and closes her eyes, mentally pinpointing all the sore spots on her body and charting the bruises that are sure to form, a map of all the places Matt has touched tonight. She likes it, likes looking in the mirror after she gets out of the shower and seeing how much she is desired.

Matt curls around her, throwing an arm over her waist and burying his face in her hair with a sweet, contented sigh. She squirms in his embrace, biting her lip. It's getting late. She should probably get up and start pulling on her clothes before he asks her to stay again. So far, she has been able to refuse his pout and those puppy eyes but a woman only has so much resolve. Staying over isn't an option. Matt is so young and naïve and she doesn't want to give him the wrong impression by spending the night. This isn't anything more than sex and she doesn't want to encourage him to believe otherwise.

As if sensing the direction of her thoughts, Matt tightens his hold on her and makes a soft noise of protest. "Don't go."

She sighs, just about to resign herself to dealing with his pouting for the next few days because she cannot stay, when she realizes it's the first time she's heard his voice – other than the occasional oh god Alex – in the last half hour. Frowning, she props herself up on her elbow and looks down at him. "Why don't you like to talk during sex?"

He blinks at her. "I didn't know you needed conversation while we fucked." He smirks. "So high maintenance, Kingston."

She thumps him on the chest, scowling when he laughs. "I don't mean conversation, smartarse. I mean just talking, telling me how good it feels, how much you want me, whispering filthy things

in my ear."

His smile fades and he looks away, uncomfortable. "I'm not any good at that."

Alex quickly muffles the urge to snort in disbelief. The few times he has talked to her in bed – only because she orders him to – he has done pretty damn well, if she says so herself. His gruff voice in her ear is always enough to make her wet, no matter what he's actually saying. Matt's problem, she surmises, is that he lacks confidence. He has no idea how outrageously sexy he is – albeit in a bumbling, lanky, endearing sort of way.

She clears her throat, tracing her fingers lightly over his chest and smiling when he tenses beneath her touch. "Maybe you need to practice."

He raises an eyebrow – adorable since he hasn't got much to work with – and asks, "Now?"

She smiles. "No time like the present."

He squirms, the beginnings of a blush already blooming across his cheeks and she watches in wonderment, trying to puzzle out how the man can still be so bloody shy after the things they've done and said to each other. "Alex, you can't just ask me."

"I beg to differ," she replies, giving him a look meant to remind him of every time she orders him about and he jumps to obey.

He flushes. "I mean when we're not having sex. It has to be natural! Why is it so important to you anyway?"

"I just like it," she says, shrugging. "Your voice is sexy."

He laughs. "You're so full of it, Kingston."

She stares at him. "I'm serious!" When he shakes his head, her eyes narrow in determination and she slips her leg between his, sliding her hand down his stomach and kissing his chest. "I like hearing you, I like knowing what I do to you." She wraps her hand around his cock and begins to stroke him to hardness once more, and though his breath hitches and his whole body tenses, she

can tell he's still listening. "Do you know what just the sound of your voice does to me, darling?"

He shakes his head, biting his lip and obviously struggling not to thrust into her hand. She lets him go, smirking at his groan, and takes his hand instead, guiding it between her thighs and letting him feel how slick she is. He inhales sharply, seemingly unable to stop himself from stroking his fingers through her wetness. "Jesus, Alex."

She lets go of his hand and arches from the mattress with a moan. "Touch me, darling. Talk to me. Please."

He remains silent for a few moments, circling his fingers over her entrance teasingly, drawing out her wetness and making her writhe. She resigns herself to just not hearing his voice unless the mood strikes him or she outright orders it, shutting her eyes and focusing on the feel of those slender, clever fingers pushing inside her. She sighs, twisting her hands in the sheets and raising her hips to get him deeper, until his knuckles are soaked with her. Breath coming a little faster, Matt indulges her, two fingers curling deep inside.

"Does that feel good, sweetheart?" Pressed against her side and no doubt watching her intently, his lips brush her ear as he speaks and Alex shivers, eyes flying open in surprise. "You're so tight, Alex. You're aching for it, aren't you?"

Oh, she is. She can feel her body clutching at him desperately; needy and ready for more, ready for anything he wants to give her.

"You want more, don't you?" He rumbles, drawing his fingers out and pushing three back in easily. "You could take so much more, couldn't you, my gorgeous girl? You're so wet I could slide my cock right into you and you wouldn't even feel it." His voice is a low growl and so bloody sexy it sends a new rush of wetness between her legs, slicking her thighs with her arousal and making Matt's thumb slip on her soaking clit. He swears, breath hot on her cheek. "God, it really does turn you on, doesn't it, you bad girl?"

She whimpers, nodding.

He groans. "You look incredible right now."

Gasping, she rolls her hips against every movement of his hand. "Tell me."

Ignoring her for the time being, he uses his free hand to caress her breasts, touching her nipples just lightly enough to drive her absolutely mad. "So lovely," he whispers. "I think about them, you know, during rehearsals. I think about pinning you down and suckling at your breast like a babe and oh god, I get so hard, Alex, just thinking about your nipple in my mouth."

He pinches her nipple and she writhes under his touch, reaching up to knead her own breast when he moves away, like the bloody tease he is.

Nipping at her earlobe, he rasps, "I love you like this. You're so wild, so desperate for me to just let you come. I love the way your chest heaves, the way your hair frames your face, and that perfect, hot cunt of yours just keeps getting tighter and tighter until I wonder if I'll ever get my hand back at all. You'd like that, wouldn't you, Kingston? Walking around with my fingers inside you?"

She sinks her teeth into her bottom lip, determined not to talk no matter how much she wants to beg and plead and shout yes, god yes. This is his time to talk and she doesn't want to startle him back into silence. It's too good, too much, his voice and his touch and oh god any moment now she's just going to burst.

"All I have to do is put a little more pressure on your lovely little clit and you'll come apart in my arms, won't you Alex?" He sucks her earlobe into his mouth and hums. "Is that what you want?"

She nods, releasing a broken, pathetic sob, and lifts her hips against every curling stroke of his long fingers inside her.

"Say it."

Reaching between them, she wraps her hand around his slender wrist and pushes him harder against her sex, begging, "Oh god, darling, please. Harder, deeper, I don't care just don't stop talking."

"That's it, lovely. Just let go. You're radiant when you come, Alex." He moans softly in her ear. "Let me see it."

The room spins around her, the wonderful, painful pressure builds within her and like a rubber band stretched too taut, she breaks. He presses his thumb against her clit and drives his fingers higher within her. She keens and when he laughs, it sounds positively filthy. If she hadn't already been coming hard enough to make her see spots, that laugh probably would have pushed her over

the edge and into oblivion.

"Oh there you are," he whispers. "So brilliant, Alex. You feel so amazing, love." He fucks her through her orgasm until it's all too much and she whimpers, closing her thighs around his hand to make him stop, aching and sensitive. Breathing hard, she allows Matt to brush his lips fondly against her temple, sprawled out amongst the sheets and feeling far too shagged out to move, let alone get out of bed and pull on her clothes. That had probably been his plan all along, the bastard.

He hovers at her side and she can feel his uncertainty even now, his need for her approval. It somehow makes her feel even more desired than any of his touches do, as marvelous as they are. She feels important, like she matters. Gathering her strength, she turns to him and yanks him down to her by the hair, kissing him with a ruthlessness that seems to surprise him, if the muffled noise he makes against her lips is any indication. But it doesn't stop him from kissing her back with just as much bruising force, his hands curled tightly into her hair.

"You are too fucking good at that," she moans against his mouth, and falls back amongst the rumpled sheets with him.

She never has to ask him to talk to her during sex again. He's more than willing all on his own.

then to my knees you do promote me

Chapter Summary

He's never seen her quite so upset with him and it makes him squirm and shuffle his feet like a child being scolded by his favorite teacher. Swallowing, he glances up at her through his fringe and he says, "Please, let me make it up to you."

Chapter Notes

Chapter title from Dangerous Animals by Arctic Monkeys. WARNING: chapter contains rimming, anal, and spanking. If that's not your thing, skip this one.

They're so close their knees are nearly touching and more than that, they're alone in the makeup trailer, both of them waiting for someone to come in and tame their hair. Alex has made it clear that she doesn't want their private lives bleeding into their interactions outside their flats but god; she looks so adorable in that camouflage. Matt can't possibly be expected to resist.

He rests his hands on her knees and sees her eyes widen just before he leans forward and presses his lips softly to hers, smiling against her lovely mouth. Alex gasps and he expects her to haul him closer and snog him senseless – is looking forward to it, really. A noise outside interrupts them and she shoves at his chest, sending him stumbling backwards into his seat just before the door opens and two people from the makeup team walk inside.

His cheeks burn from his own stupidity, at how close he'd come to outing them, and he feels Alex's glare on him for the rest of the day. She doesn't speak to him unless she has to, bestowing him with only short, clipped responses when no one is listening and acting perfectly normal when they are. As contrite as he is about how irresponsible he'd been, he can't help but admire her ability to turn her anger on and off like that. It's a skill he hopes he'll be able to master himself someday – it would certainly come in handy when he doesn't want to be caught staring at Alex like a besotted idiot.

He goes to her the minute they're released from set; loath to go back to his flat alone when he knows she's cross with him. Her time here is very close to ending and he doesn't want to waste a moment of it being angry. Alex doesn't look at him when he approaches her but she doesn't tell him to go away either. They walk back to their building in silence and Matt follows her up the stairs, too miserable to really enjoy the view. She doesn't speak as she unlocks her flat and steps inside, but she doesn't shut the door in his face and he knows it's as close to an invitation to come in as he's going to get right now. She throws her handbag down onto the coffee table and drops her head with a sigh, hands on her hips.

Matt fidgets, hovering uncertainly by the door. "Alex, I'm sorry. I know it was stupid and I don't know what I was thinking. Please don't be angry with me, love."

She turns to face him, eyes narrowed. "So you're sorry now, are you?"

He nods. "I swear it won't -"

"Shut up," she snaps. "Do you have any idea what you almost did today? If anyone can't keep her mouth shut it's the bloody makeup girl! We would have been in the papers by tomorrow!"

Matt bites his lip, guilty and wretched. "Alex -"

"I specifically told you that the things that go on between us here are to remain here and you deliberately broke that rule today."

He's never seen her quite so upset with him and it makes him squirm and shuffle his feet like a child being scolded by his favorite teacher. Swallowing, he glances up at her through his fringe and he says, "Please, let me make it up to you."

Alex lifts an eyebrow. "Is that really what you want?"

He nods eagerly. "Let me show you how sorry I am?"

She looks him over with an appraising eye, lips pursed. She's bloody intimidating like this but he holds his ground and lets her look him over. He can't even see the usual spark of interest always present in her eyes when she looks at him. She is utterly blank and it all at once terrifies and thrills him. Finally, she says, "Alright."

He nearly sags in relief.

"Go to my bedroom and take off your clothes. When you're done, face the wall." She turns him in the right direction and gives him a gentle push. "I'll be in shortly."

It's an unusual request but she'd been so cross with him he can't refuse her anything. He starts undressing the minute he reaches her bedroom, throwing his clothes into a pile by the door and listening to the sounds of Alex moving around in the other room, preparing God only knows what. He probably shouldn't be so excited about the unknown but it's Alex and whatever it is she wants him to do, he has a feeling he'll do it gladly and beg for more when she's done with him.

It only takes a few minutes before he hears her making her way down the hall to her bedroom but it feels like an eternity. He listens to the sound of high heels clicking against the floor and presses his forehead against the wall, fighting his every instinct to turn around and look.

"Good boy," she murmurs approvingly when she enters the room and finds him following her instructions. "Maybe I'll only give you ten whacks with this instead of twenty."

Curiosity gets the better of him and Matt quickly glances over his shoulder, his mouth instantly going dry and blood pooling rapidly in his groin. Alex isn't looking at him, too focused on the items she's spreading out on her bed. She isn't wearing anything but a black bra and knickers, River's red high heels she must have nicked from the set and – his stomach flutters – her reading glasses. He'd shyly asked her once to wear them during sex and she'd laughed, refusing. He thinks she's just self-conscious about them, like they're a reminder of the age gap between them, but he adores them. He loves the way they perch so prettily on the tip of her nose, loves how they instantly transform her into the sexy librarian fetish he never knew he had.

He can only guess that she's wearing them now as part of his punishment. He can't really enjoy the view when he's looking at the wall and she knows it'll drive him mad – knowing she's wearing them but unable to see. But the brief glimpse he catches before quickly turning back to face the wall is enough to sustain him. He keeps her image in his mind's eye, concentrating on holding it close, and when the first smack on his arse comes, he cries out in shock.

Turning his head quickly, he sees Alex palming a black leather belt, tapping her high-heeled foot against the floor. He meets her eyes, stunned, and she smirks. "Any objection to your apology, darling?"

His skin stings and he feels a bit humiliated but she looks so sexy and his cock is already hardening. "No," he chokes out, shaking his head.

Alex caresses his spine with the metal buckle and he shivers. "Then turn around and take your punishment like a good boy."

Obediently, he turns and braces himself, hands on the wall. Alex counts every single stroke against his bare skin, the numbers occasionally punctuated by her hums of approval, as if she's pleased with him. It makes the sharp sting of every smack a little easier to bear but he can't deny he's actually enjoying it just a bit. It hurts like hell and several times; he has to bite his lip to stifle a cry. He can feel his skin reddening and he knows sitting is going to be painful for a while but it also makes his blood boil in his veins, makes his spine tingle and he finds himself anticipating her next stroke, ready for it.

By the time Alex reaches fifteen – a compromise, she says – his eyes sting with tears but his cock throbs. He hears her drop the belt to the floor and he nearly sags with relief. "Look at me," she says softly.

He turns to face her and is surprised to find her chest heaving just as much as his and her eyes are nearly black, her cheeks flushed and her reading glasses askew. She is magnificent. Matt could come from the sight of her alone.

"Are you ready to apologize?"

He wants to tell her that he already did but he's pretty sure it would just earn him another smack and as much as he'd enjoyed it, he really wants to kiss her now. Nodding frantically, he babbles, "Yes. I'm sorry. I was stupid and thoughtless and I swear I'll never do it again. Please, Alex, just -

"

She frowns. "I don't think you're in any position to be making requests, Mr. Smith."

He nods again, mutely, blurting out, "I'm sorry."

She sighs, face softening. "You are rather lovely when you're penitent, though." Groaning, he leans against the wall and curls his hands into fists to keep from touching himself. He's so hard it's difficult to concentrate on anything else. Alex seems to sense his struggle but she doesn't move toward him, ordering instead, "Get on the bed, darling. On your hands and knees."

He moves gingerly, careful so as not to aggravate his sore bottom. The moment he's settled, Alex crawls onto the bed after him, running a gentle hand over his tender bum. "Poor darling," she croons softly. "Look how red you are."

"Wonder whose fault that is?" He asks wryly, and then winces, expecting a pinch at the very least.

Instead, Alex asks quietly, "Want me to kiss it better?"

Matt closes his eyes, stomach lurching and cock twitching at the mere thought. He nods once, whispering hoarsely, "Yes, please."

Her soft, warm lips press gently against his bare bottom in a sweet kiss and she murmurs, "Such a good boy, Matthew."

He bites his lip to contain a whimper. As much as she seems to enjoy him whispering filthy things to her, he has a particular kink for her sweet talk and she knows it.

She brushes her lips soothingly over the red welts. "Did you like it? Being spanked?"

He doesn't answer; too intent on the way her tongue darts out over a particularly sensitive spot, hot and wet against his sore skin.

"Well?" She asks again. "Did you?"

Her tongue runs down the cleft of his arse and brushes against his hole. Matt drops his head in shock and hisses out, "God, yes." He isn't sure if he's answering her question or letting her know how very much he approves of what she's doing but it doesn't seem to matter. He feels Alex smirking as she strokes over the puckered skin of his arse and when he wriggles back against her encouragingly, she delves her tongue inside.

Matt gasps, crying out as she thrusts and it's so, oh god he doesn't even know how to describe it other than fucking fantastic. He feels so exposed and normally that might be a bad thing but with Alex, everything is always so much better than he ever thought possible – even the things he thought he would never want. It's filthy heat and wetness and her thumbs holding him apart as she delves her tongue inside him, twisting it around and stretching him until he feels like he might come without her touching his cock once.

He moans out unintelligible gibberish, keening and crying out as he rocks back against her. Alex hums softly, alternating between slow, sensuous licks and fast, breath-stealing ones. She doesn't seem to be in any hurry, one of her hands still stroking over his smarting skin, but Matt's cock is heavy between his legs and he's all but sobbing as he begs her, "Fuck, Alex. Please, please, fuck -

"

She leaves him with one last stroke of her tongue and says, "Not yet, darling."

He drops his head, tears stinging his eyes. "Oh god. I'm sorry. Please, I'm sorry, I swear -"

"Shh," she laughs softly, circling her finger around his saliva-slicked entrance. "I'm not punishing you, Matthew. You'll like this, I promise." Without further explanation, she pushes her finger past the tight ring of muscle and he squeezes his eyes shut at the intrusion. It feels odd, foreign. He doesn't know if he likes it yet but he trusts Alex.

He trusts her.

He inhales sharply when she squirts something wet and cold around his entrance, removing her finger to smear it over him before slipping two fingers inside instead of one. He clenches his jaw against the weirdness, but then she crooks her fingers inside him just so and –

"Jesus, fuck, Alex."

She laughs softly. "I told you."

Every nerve ending in his body is on fire and the foreignness is gone, replaced by white-hot pleasure as she pushes her fingers in and out of him, curling them to hit some wonderful, brilliant place inside that makes him see spots. She continues to thrust until he's making the most undignified whimpering noises and on the verge of begging once more. Then, she eases her slick fingers out and leaves him empty and aching.

"Sure you're not still punishing me?" He asks, voice shaking and his whole body on edge.

"Positive," she says, and something slick and hard presses against his entrance. Startled, Matt glances over his shoulder to find Alex's beloved rabbit teasing at his arsehole. "Trust me?"

He nods mutely, transfixed.

Even so, he panics when she starts pushing it in, caught between wanting to scramble away and

push back for more. But he does trust Alex, so he settles for the latter option and hears her murmur of delight. "Oh yes," she sighs. "There's a good boy."

She sinks into him inch by torturous inch and Matt breathes deeply, trying to relax and ignore the burn he feels as he stretches around the toy. When it's fully seated inside of him, he's panting and sweaty but oh god, so very full. He tentatively rocks his hips back against the toy, ready for more, and Alex gives a soft sigh of pleasure.

Twisting the vibrator inside him, she pulls it out almost all the way and then pushes back in again, setting a slow but hard rhythm. It burns but it's so good. He pushes back against her, meeting her every thrust with a pained little moan. He never thought he'd enjoy being on his hands and knees but he clenches his fists into the sheets and arches his back, feeling about as filthy and wanton as he probably looks.

"That's it, darling," Alex says softly. "You like being fucked, don't you?"

When he manages a muffled whimper in response, she flicks some sort of button and he shouts, thighs trembling, as the toy begins to vibrate in his arse. "Alex, oh god!"

She doesn't stop plunging it into him over and over again but now it vibrates so hard he feels it all through him, the rabbit ears pulse against his straining testicles and fucking hell, he's going to burst any moment now. Alex presses her mouth to his back, hot and slick as she traces the bumps of his spine with her tongue. She slides a hand around his waist, down his stomach and wraps her fingers around his neglected, aching erection. He's so ready it doesn't take much and with one, two pumps of her hand, he shouts hoarsely, coming all over the sheets, his cock twitching and his arse clenching around the toy still buried inside him.

He collapses onto his stomach, not caring at all about the wet spot on the sheets, exhausted and breathing hard. He barely even feels it when Alex turns off the toy and eases it out of him. She puts it aside and he reaches out for her weakly, prompting her to curl up against his side. She props her chin up on his chest and smirks at him, triumphant.

"Enjoy yourself?"

He taps the rim of her glasses. "Smug really doesn't suit you."

She kisses his chin. "You're a terrible liar."

He snorts, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pressing his lips to her temple. "Stay with me?"

She tenses in his arms instantly, her smile gone. "No."

He does his best to ignore the disappointment settling over him. "Why not?"

She sits up, pulling the sheet around her. "Because this isn't a relationship."

He watches her in silence for a moment, contemplative. "It could be."

She turns her head to look at him, curls whipping around her face and her green eyes wide. "What?"

"Let me take you out, Alex." He reaches for her hand but she shakes her head, yanking it away. "We could just go to dinner or -"

"No, Matt," she says, crossing her arms over her chest. "Stop it."

He huffs. "Why not?"

"Matt." Her voice is hard and unrelenting. "I said no."

He wants to press the issue, ask if it has something to do with their age difference, which he doesn't care about at all. He wants to ask what he needs to do to make her want more than sex with him. But something in her tone tells him to leave it alone. So he does – for now.

Clearing his throat, he nods once. "Alright. Fine." He tugs gently at the sheet, watching her pitifully. "But do you have to leave now?" Alex softens instantly, dropping the sheet and curling back up next to him, warm and pliant in his arms once more. "I really am sorry, you know. About earlier."

"I know you are." She runs her fingers through his sweat-damp hair. "I wasn't really that angry."

"What?" He laughs. "Yes, you were."

She shakes her head. "I was upset at first. It was stupid of you, but I know it won't happen again." At her warning look, he shakes his head in agreement. One close call was enough for him, despite how intensely pleasurable his punishment had been. "By the time we finished filming for the day, I wasn't really cross anymore."

He stares at her, remembering her silence as they walked back to her flat, her angry response to his apology and her willingness to punish him. "Then why did you -"

She smiles. "Because I love seeing you so undone." She walks her fingers up his chest coyly and groans, rubbing her cheek against his side. "God, if you could have seen yourself all spread out and flushed…" She trails off with a whimper and his eyes darken in response.

"Liked that did you?" He licks his lips, bending his head to kiss her softly and Alex threads her fingers through his hair, opening her mouth under his with a moan. Curious, he slips his hand between her thighs and groans at how slippery she is. Alex pushes her hips into his hand urgently and he breaks their kiss, ducking his head between her spread legs.

Her high heels dig into his shoulder blades as he licks her and he decides then and there that he'll keep them, stowing them away on the set once filming is finished – a reminder of a lesson learned.

your heart's a stumbling block

Chapter Summary

Matt insists he hadn't been a part of the rewrite but Alex knows better. He thinks he's being sneaky, getting the chance to fondle her right in front of the entire crew without any repercussions.

Chapter Notes

Chapter title from Matt Nathanson's Queen of Knots.

When she arrives on set that morning, she finds a sudden change in the script. Instead of River stepping neatly into the TARDIS from space, the script now calls for her to fall on top of the Doctor and send them both crashing to the floor. Matt insists he hadn't been a part of the rewrite but Alex knows better. He thinks he's being sneaky, getting the chance to fondle her right in front of the entire crew without any repercussions.

She smirks. Well, so he thinks.

She is willing to bet he hadn't taken into consideration just how big of a problem she could create for him. Watching him from across the set just before they begin, Alex can tell that he's confident. He thinks he can get through this scene without any difficulty, without having any sort of a reaction to the woman he's currently shagging pressed intimately against him. The idiot is probably congratulating himself on his genius plan right now.

Alex is quite determined to make him regret it.

The first take, she doesn't do anything at all, lulling him into this false sense of security. She throws herself at him and he hadn't been quite ready yet. They land together in a heap of tangled limbs. She laughs breathlessly and Matt stares up at her, slightly winded and dazed. The situation is sexual enough without her having to do anything at all – she's practically straddling his lap and she can tell it's giving him some very naughty thoughts. By this point, she can read his darling face like a book and she'd be lying if she said it didn't thrill her to corrupt his previously innocent head with filthy thoughts of her.

She winks at him as she gets to her feet and moves back to her position and he grins a little shyly,

simultaneously melting her heart and making her all the more determined to fluster the hell out of him.

The second take, she trips into him on purpose and he stumbles back with her, falling onto the mat beneath them with a giggle. She laughs with him, making sure to lean in close to give him a whiff of her perfume and a nice view down the front of her dress. His eyes widen and he quickly raises them from her chest in alarm, as if terrified of being discovered ogling her.

The third take, he's ready for her but when they collapse together to the floor, Alex makes a faint, soft noise in his ear very similar to the one she gives when his hands are sliding up her thighs and she's so impatient for him to just touch her. Recognizing it, Matt gasps at hearing it somewhere so public, choking on air and ruining the take. He eyes her suspiciously as she climbs to her feet but she doesn't meet his eyes, too afraid he'll see the amusement there.

The fourth take, she throws her arms around his neck and holds on as he falls to the mat beneath them, angling her chest right against his face and deliberately placing her knee by his groin. Her red lips brush against his ear and when she pulls back, his eyes narrow. She can see the exact moment he realizes what she's doing but she only gives him an innocent smile and extracts her limbs from his.

On the fifth take, when her knee brushes his groin and finds him hard, she knows that despite all his bluster to the contrary, he's enjoying this. Breasts pressed against his chest and her gasp in his ear bordering on pornographic, she feels his hands curl into her hips as if he wants nothing more than to hold on tight and grind against her until he comes. She watches him struggle, loosening his grip on her as he realizes where they are, his expression pained as he lets her go. It's almost fun, torturing him like this, but she doubts Matt would consider it a good time if the redness of his cheeks is anything to go by.

The sixth take, she murmurs a breathy oh in his ear and he muffles a groan in a forced laugh. Alex smirks, curling her hand into the tweed jacket covering his shoulder, pleased when he slides his hand over her back in retaliation, caressing her skin through the chiffon of her dress. She lingers on his lap just a bit longer than she should and when she gets up, she makes sure her chest is close enough to his face to give him a glimpse of the hickey he'd left on her breast last night.

When she gets to her feet, he surprises her by following quickly and grabbing her wrist. She glances around nervously but everyone is too busy readying for the next take so she relaxes, glaring at him for the intimate touch. He ignores her, hissing, "I thought we were keeping this strictly off set, Kingston?"

She raises an eyebrow. "Maybe you should have thought of that before suggesting I land directly on top of you, Matthew."

He glares. "So, what? You're punishing me for Steven taking my idea and running with it? It's not funny, Alex. It's chi -"

"Oh, but it is," she says, mouth twisting in a smug grin.

He tries to look stern but he just looks so bloody adorable she finds herself wanting to get this next take absolutely perfect so she can drag him somewhere private and shag him until he can't move. "You're being very naughty today," he says, eyeing her speculatively. "Perhaps you could use a spanking too."

"I do all the spanking, darling," she scoffs, licking her lips as she looks him over. "And you like it."

His eyes darken in agreement but before another word can be said, they're called back to their places. Alex finds herself wishing she'd never started this little game because now that Matt is on to her, he gives as good as he gets, little caresses and shifts of his hips, his low voice in her ear. God, he can be absolutely maddening when he wants to be.

It's the most frustrating day on set she's had since they started this thing between them and it ends with both of them stumbling through his flat kissing furiously and wrapped around each other. Matt is more wound up than she's ever seen him, undone by the torturous teasing on set. His kisses are a little harder, his touches a little rougher and Alex moans into his mouth, loving every second of it.

Too preoccupied to bother, Matt lets her guide them to his bedroom, stripping him of his clothes as they go. In between rough kisses pressed to her collarbone, he growls, "Drove me absolutely mad today. Do you have any idea -"

She cuts him off with another kiss, dragging his mouth back up to hers and bruising his lips with her own. His hands tangle in her hair and they collide jarringly with the doorframe to his room, though neither of them pays it any mind. He licks at the inside of her mouth with enough enthusiasm to make her knees weak and she curls her hands into his shoulders, dizzy and aching.

Matt pulls away breathlessly, nipping at the line of her jaw. "Christ, I love kissing you."

Oh, the feeling is most definitely mutual.

She wants to fall into his arms and let him kiss her until she can't see straight but her common sense keeps a tight hold on her wrist, tugging to remind her how important control is in this relationship. And hers is slipping.

It takes all of her strength just to give a little push and step away from Matt, her cheeks flushed and her breathing erratic as she orders, "Get on the bed."

It's fucking beautiful the way he follows her instructions without a moment's hesitation, like having a pretty little soldier all to herself. Watching him spread out naked and waiting for her on his bed, Alex strips leisurely, letting his eyes feast on slowly revealed skin until he's squirming about impatiently. He keeps silent but his eyes tell her to hurry the hell up.

He sits up the moment she climbs onto the mattress, pulling her to him with greedy hands and she's just about to protest when he kisses her, fingers stroking the sides of her breasts. Giving in for just a moment, she opens her mouth over his and sighs as his tongue twines with hers. Eager to be closer, she straddles his thighs and wraps her arms around his neck. Taking advantage of her new position, Matt nudges his hips against hers and gives a needy little whinge that makes her want to reach between them and take him inside her body right now.

Feeling her self-control slipping further away, Alex tears her mouth from his with a gasp and scrambles from his lap. "No. Not like that."

He frowns. "What?"

"Lie down."

Sighing, he flops back down and looks up at her, pouting slightly. Knowing just how to make him a happy boy again, she gives him a little smirk and twists her body to face away from him, her knees at his shoulders, her sex right at his mouth. Just as she'd expected, Matt gives a pleased groan and she gasps as he sets right to work, licking along her slick folds eagerly. He has become quite the expert now and for a moment, Alex is tempted to stay still, to just let him bring her off this way but it isn't part of the plan. And straying from the plan means not having control over this thing they have. Losing that control isn't an option.

Drawing in a shaky breath, she does her best to focus on Matt, rather than what he's currently doing to her. Sliding her torso down his chest and stomach until her mouth is hovering over his erection, Alex breathes hotly over him and Matt moans, voice muffled by her inner thigh as he says, "Fuck, Alex. What are you -"

She licks along the underside of his cock, from the head to the base, and Matt curses, gripping her hips so tightly she can already feel the finger-shaped bruises forming. Wrapping her lips around the head, she flicks her tongue over him and gathers up the salty wetness there.

He throws his head back against his pillow, voice strangled as he says, "Alex, god – I can't – don't stop -"

Amused at his incoherency, she lifts her head and takes a moment to survey the shine of her saliva against the redness of his cock before turning to say over her shoulder, "Don't you have something to busy yourself with, Matthew?"

"How the hell am I supposed to concentrate on anything else when your mouth is there?" He looks incredulous and when Alex raises an eyebrow at him, his cock jumps in her hand.

"Do your best, darling," she says. "I'll grade on a curve."

Looking flushed and slightly lost; Matt nods and buries his face between her thighs again. The minute he does, she regrets her tartness. He slides his tongue over her and into her, knowing by now all the little ways to reduce her to a quivering wreck of a woman and concentrating on giving him pleasure seems impossible right now. But she wriggles back a bit, pushing down against his, god, fucking amazing tongue and turns back to take him into her mouth once more.

She wraps her tongue around his head at the exact moment Matt opens his mouth wide and kisses her sex. Whimpering, she wants to give up on him and just sit back, riding his face with her hands pressed to his chest until he makes her come. It's a tempting image but she refuses to give in.

Relenting only to the desire to rock her hips back against his face in short, jerky movements, she hollows out her cheeks and slides her mouth up and down over his erection, trying not to think about the slow burn building up in her belly already.

When Matt closes his mouth around her clit and sucks hard, she gives a deep moan and pushes back against his face. His cock twitches in her mouth and his hands tighten on her hips, his own moan muffled against her cunt. She shuts her eyes against the waves of pleasure assaulting her and pushes her head down, taking him deeper into her mouth until he rests against the back of her throat, swallowing around his hard length.

He cries out and drives his tongue deeper inside her, his chin sliding wetly against her hot, slick flesh. It's impossible to ignore the swelling in her abdomen any longer and Alex gives a muffled moan around his cock as she comes apart under his ministrations. She doesn't stop sucking at him,

moving her mouth over him in time with the deep, aching throb of her sex as it pulses.

When she pulls her lips over her teeth and moves rapidly up and down his length, pausing to swirl her tongue over the head of him and prod at his slit, Matt's grip on her tightens and his hips lift from the bed as he shouts, spilling into her mouth. She swallows everything he gives her and kisses the head of his cock when he's spent but Matt recovers quickly, licking at her slick sex once more.

Giving in to her desire and able to give her own pleasure her full attention now, Alex moans and lifts herself up until she's straddling his face, her hands flat on his chest to hold herself up. As he pushes his tongue inside her and his chin presses hard against her clit, Alex rides his face with deep, gasping breaths. Her hips undulate over him and listening to his approving hums as he laps at her, her orgasm steals over her slowly this time, catching her by surprise.

Chest heaving, she drags herself off of him and collapses at his side, allowing him to draw her near and tuck her head under his chin. "River throwing herself at the Doctor should become a regular thing. M' going to have a chat with Steven."

Alex snorts. "Let me know how that goes."

After a moment of silence, both of them still trying to calm their racing hearts, he says quietly, "You're leaving tomorrow."

He sounds like a little boy who doesn't want to get up and go to school in the morning and she chuckles breathlessly, curling her arm around his waist. "I am."

He remains silent for a moment, long fingers stroking over the skin of her back. "Will you miss me?"

Alex shifts restlessly against him, pursing her lips against the answer that wants to escape and saying softly instead, "I'll certainly miss this."

Sighing quietly, Matt tightens his hold around her and buries his nose in her hair. "Yeah."

She presses her lips to his chest and tells herself there is nothing else to say.

I close my eyes and see you before me

Chapter Summary

Sometimes, her fingers itch to pick up her mobile and dial, to just see what he's doing and hear his voice but that desire just tells her how bad it would be if she did. Getting attached is dangerous.

Chapter Notes

Chapter title from I Touch Myself by the Divinyls.

When she goes back to LA, there is no goodbye kiss, no lingering hug or whispered farewell. She refuses to treat him any differently than she does anyone else on set, for fear that he or someone else will look too deeply into it. Matt has already broached the topic of wanting more than just casual sex and Alex doesn't want to encourage him. It can't happen. It would be a disaster. So as much as she wants to pull him into an empty room on set and shove him onto a table top for one last goodbye shag, she only waves at him from the doorway and turns, feeling his eyes on her as she leaves.

She doesn't plan to keep in touch while she's gone – she'll be back to film the finale in a few months and if he's still single and willing by then, they can pick up where they left off. Sometimes, her fingers itch to pick up her mobile and dial, to just see what he's doing and hear his voice but that desire just tells her how bad it would be if she did. Getting attached is dangerous.

But when he calls her two weeks after she left, she can't deny the way her heart jumps and a smile blooms on her face as she answers with a soft, sultry, "Hello, darling."

He chuckles quietly and she fights back a shiver at the low sound in her ear. "Kingston," he greets. "How are you?"

Walking out of her en suite bathroom and turning on the light by her bed, Alex says, "I'm alright. Getting ready for bedtime."

"Oh really?" He sounds interested and she smirks, pulling back the covers on her bed.

"Mhm," she says, deciding to torture him a bit. "Freshly showered and in my nightie. You called me just when I was about to climb under the sheets."

He says nothing but she hears a distinct hitch in his breathing.

Shifting the phone to her other ear, Alex crawls beneath her blankets and asks, "Why did you call?"

"You know why," he says, his voice a growl.

She swallows, eyes fluttering as she leans back against her pillows. "What did you do before me, you helpless idiot?"

He laughs. "Porn. But I've been avoiding the internet since we started filming."

Just like she told him to.

"Are you expecting a reward for good behavior then?"

"Well, it would certainly be a nice incentive to keep being so well-behaved." He sighs softly and she licks her lips. "Besides, I miss your mouth."

She could tell him to go out and buy a magazine, to take care of his own problem because while she's in America, it certainly isn't hers. But her knickers have been damp since he said her name and they both know she's not going to hang up now. Sinking further into her pillows, she orders quietly, "Take your cock out and stroke it for me."

He groans and she hears the rustle of clothes as he does just that. She puts her phone down just long enough to pull her nightgown over her head and toss it to the foot of her bed before bringing it back up to her ear.

"Have you been thinking about me, darling?" She asks, sliding her palm over her chest.

"All day," he breathes.

She rolls her nipple between her fingers and groans. "Tell me."

"I dreamt of you last night, the taste of you in my mouth, the way you sigh when you take me inside." He hisses and she pictures him circling his thumb over the head of his erection as he speaks. "It's all I've been able to think about all day."

"I'm thinking about you too," she says, licking her thumb and stroking it over her hardened nipple. "About how hot you must feel in the palm of your hand. So hard for me, aren't you, darling?"

"Yes," he hisses. "Always for you."

"You said you miss my mouth -"

"I do, oh god, I miss it so much, Alex." He breathes harshly into the phone and she tries to picture what he must be doing. "What do you miss about me?"

She misses so many things, and not all of them have to do with sex, but she quickly discards all of those and settles for what she misses most right now. "Have I told you how much I bloody love your hands? Those big palms that cup my breasts so perfectly and those long, talented fingers." She moans. "I miss your fingers. Just thinking about them inside me makes me so wet."

Matt groans, breathing harshly into the phone. "Christ, I love your filthy mouth."

She moans, sliding her hand down her stomach and into her knickers, past the wiry curls between her legs to stroke herself, surprised at how slick she is. Jesus, the sound of his voice alone should not be enough to make her react like this.

"Are you touching yourself?"

She makes a soft noise of affirmation, silently wondering how he knows as she slides her fingers over her clit teasingly.

His breath leaves him in a whoosh and she imagines she can feel it against her ear. "How wet are you, Alex?"

Squeezing her eyes shut, she whispers, "So wet, darling. God, you make me so sopping wet."

"Fuck," he swears, and she pictures him on his bed, his legs drawn up as he pumps his hand up and down his cock. The image shouldn't send a new rush of wetness pooling between her thighs but it does and she presses three fingers inside herself with ease, spreading her legs wider as she cants her hips. "One finger, Alex? Two?"

"Three." She whinges breathlessly. "It's not enough. I want you inside me so badly."

He whimpers. "I wish I was there with you. I would suck your nipple into my mouth and bite it that way you like. I'd leave marks all over and taste your lovely cunt. Slide my tongue inside you and oh , you're so slick and tight around me, Alex. I'd scrape my teeth over that little bundle of nerves and suck on it until you scream."

Moaning, she curls her fingers deep inside and rolls her hips. "I miss the feel of you in my mouth and how good you taste. And the noises you make when you beg."

"God, yes," he grunts, and she knows that grunt, know it means he's so close to release he can taste it like wine on his tongue. "I love it when you make me beg."

"The next time I see you," she promises lowly, "I'm going to gag that pretty little mouth of yours. I'll spank you until you're sobbing for it and then I'll slide my mouth over you. Would you like that, darling?"

His only answer is a low hiss.

She groans. "I'll take you all the way down my throat and su-"

"Fucking hell, Alex, don't stop, Jesus Christ -"

"That's right, darling," she pants, hips rocking as she rubs furiously at her clit. "Beg me like the good little boy you are."

Usually, Matt is the one to talk her through her orgasm but oddly, she finds that it's enough right now to talk to him, immensely satisfying to bring him over the edge with the sound of her voice and the images she has the power to conjure in his head. The sound of him gasping out her name and the image in her mind of him spilling hotly over his fist is enough to push her to the brink and she cries out as she clenches around her fingers. It's the quickest orgasm she's had in a while but it's also the hardest she has come since she left him. Somehow, her rabbit just isn't enough anymore.

Coming down from her euphoria, she listens to Matt struggling to catch his breath on the other end of the phone, murmuring softly to her until she clears her throat and lets him know she's finished.

"You're brilliant," he whispers, and she shifts restlessly, her skin sensitive against the soft sheets. Even now, fully sated, she still wants him. She wants to roll over in bed and swing her leg over his waist, she wants to straddle him and take him inside her body, wants to watch that light in his eyes as he looks up at her. God, she actually misses the idiot.

And he'd called her. It dawns on her suddenly how confident he must be feeling to call her specifically for phone sex when before she walked into his life, the very thought of doing such a thing would have made him blush and stutter adorably. She'd told herself when she started this that while she may be in it just for the sex, she wanted to give Matt something too. She'd wanted to give him confidence and make him realize he is desirable and sexy and talented, hoping he carries that feeling over to his job as well. He seems to be doing just fine and she knows, with a sharp twist in her gut, that it's almost time to break things off.

She bites her lip, curling onto her side and listening to his soft, even breathing on the other end of the line.

But not yet. She still has a few things left to teach him.

cut all the ropes and let me fall

Chapter Summary

She has been back long enough to get her things settled and she still hasn't sought him out, making it perfectly obvious that she doesn't need him and whenever she decides to end this thing between them – his chest aches at the mere thought – she will be just fine without him.

Chapter Notes

Chapter title from Bon Iver's Skinny Love.

She has been back for two hours – one hundred twenty minutes of her being in the same vicinity as him and he's just sitting here. He wants to go to her, wants to be able to stare at her for a while and drink in every single thing about her that he has missed in the months since she's been gone. But he can't appear too eager – not when Alex is so adamant about keeping what they have as casual as possible.

And no matter how she'd seemed to enjoy their phone calls while she was away, she has been back long enough to get her things settled and she still hasn't sought him out, making it perfectly obvious that she doesn't need him and whenever she decides to end this thing between them – his chest aches at the mere thought – she will be just fine without him. If she's trying to send a message, he has received it loud and clear.

So he sits. Waiting.

He has been partly sustained by their phone calls, able to hear her voice if nothing else but it hadn't been enough. He'd called because he missed her, and he would have been happy just talking to her but that would have scared her away. So he lied. He made it sound like it wasn't her he missed but the sex. It was a deception that tied his stomach in knots but it hadn't sent Alex running in the other direction so he counts it as a win anyway.

Lost in his own pitiful musings, he doesn't hear the door to his flat open. Nor does he hear the light footsteps behind him. Even so, when a silk scarf is suddenly shoved between his lips and hurriedly tied around his head; he barely flinches, far too used to Alex and her ways. And he knows it's her – he can smell the jasmine lingering on the scarf. He smiles around the makeshift gag in his mouth and feels her lean into him, her breath hot in his ear as she says, "I believe I made you a promise, darling."

He shivers, leaning back into her, his eyes fluttering shut when her lips brush his earlobe. She catches it between her teeth and nips lightly before running her tongue over the shell of his ear. Warmth steals up his spine and he tries to breathe steadily through his nose. God, he has missed her.

Unable to resist any longer, he turns in his seat to face her. She stands before him in leggings and a midriff-baring top but hell if she doesn't make it look like the sexiest lingerie on the bloody planet. Her lovely curls are tied back in a scrap of ribbon, slipping out to frame her face loosely. She watches him with a smirk on her lips; her eyes alight with mischief and still somehow managing to convey that she wants him just as much as he wants her. Matt drinks in the sight of her greedily, staring for as long as she'll allow and trying to memorize her all over again.

After a moment, she leans in, eyes on his, and presses a soft kiss to his cheek, above the scarf. "Come along, then," she purrs, and leads him by the hand to his bedroom. "Clothes off."

He strips eagerly and when she pushes him back onto his bed, he isn't surprised when she brings out the handcuffs but he does have to wonder where she'd hidden them away. She cuffs him to the bed and straddles his waist, looking down at the picture he makes and obviously satisfied as she trails her fingers lightly over his bare chest. "There now," she murmurs, leaning down to nip at his jaw. "You're going to be a good, quiet little boy, aren't you?"

He nods wordlessly.

Alex kisses his mouth over the gag in reward and pulls away, climbing off him and slipping from the bed. "I bought something while I was away."

Interest peaked; he raises his eyebrows at her.

With a wink, she disappears from the bedroom for a few moments and when she comes back, she carries a slender, black riding crop. His eyes widen and he shifts restlessly on the bed, more turned on than he probably should be. The last time she'd spanked him had been rather fantastic though and he's been hoping for a repeat.

Standing at the foot of the bed, Alex bends the riding crop beneath her hands and the stiff leather creaks in protest. "You like?"

His mouth waters, dampening the scarf shoved between his lips. He really, really wishes he could speak. But at least the gag isn't rough against his mouth and it smells like her. He can't really complain about Alex's methods of tormenting him. She's always as nice as she can be about being absolutely wicked.

She chuckles softly and extends the crop, brushing the tip of it teasingly over his erection. "I think this answers my question."

Without warning, she pulls the crop back and smacks him with it hard across his thighs. He tenses, whimpering around the gag in his mouth and straining toward her.

"Ah ah," she tsks, pulling it back with a frown. "Stay still or I'll leave you here."

He stills instantly, unmoving as he glares at her. She ignores him, circling the bed and watching him like a predator sizing up its prey. It used to make him a bit nervous when she looked at him like that but now it's all he can do to keep from groaning eagerly – whatever she has in store for him is bound to feel amazing.

When she takes the riding crop and trails it over his chest and down his stomach, he pointedly doesn't move. Alex looks pleased, teasing his testicles briefly before delivering another swift whack to his legs. He groans but still doesn't move, watching the red marks forming on the white skin of his thighs.

"That's better," she says softly, watching him with glittering eyes. "You're so good for me, aren't you, darling?"

He nods, doing his best not to squirm. He hasn't touched her in months and she knows what that soft, cooing tone of voice does to him.

"You like being spanked?" She touches the red stripes across his thighs with the tip of the riding crop and without waiting for his nod, smacks him again. "You like letting me mark you – it makes you so hard. You'd beg me if you could, wouldn't you, Matthew?"

He nods again, cursing the gag in his mouth as she trails the riding crop up the inside of his thigh, a light, tickling touch that drives him mad. God yes, please, he pleads silently. Anything you want to give me.

As if sensing his thoughts, Alex smiles.

She whips him until his thighs are red and sore, until his eyes prick with tears and he's mumbling around the gag, begging for her to touch his aching cock before he comes without a whisper of her attention. He watches her with glazed eyes and loose bones until she drops the riding crop to the floor and slips out of her leggings and knickers, climbing onto the bed in her little top.

She caresses his thighs tenderly, whispering to him what an obedient boy he'd been, how brave and lovely he is. Then, she bends her head and laves the burning stripes with her tongue, soothing them as best as she can. He squirms under her touch but she doesn't scold him, too busy kissing him better. She licks her way up his inner thigh and he lets out a shocked sob as she envelops one testicle in her mouth, spreading her tongue over it and suckling gently.

Straining against the handcuffs binding his hands over his head, Matt gasps out her name and pleads with his tormentor. He expects her to take his erection into her mouth now, to at least wrap her hand around it, something, anything before he bursts. But instead, she moves to straddle one aching thigh, pressing the heat of her core against his burning skin. He whimpers, watching her sigh and shift, biting her lip as her slickness coats his skin.

She gasps quietly and steadies herself with her hands on his chest as she rocks her hips, rubbing herself against him and obviously delighting in the way he writhes helplessly beneath her. He wants to touch her, wants so badly to put his hands on her that it's almost unbearable but god if it isn't glorious watching her selfishly use his body to give pleasure to herself. With her curls fallen out of her ribbon and her mouth open in ecstasy, the image of her alone is almost enough to make up for all this time without her in his bed.

"Do you have any idea how sexy you look like that?" She asks breathlessly. "So helpless."

She whimpers and her hips rock harder, faster. Knowing she's close, he doesn't take his eyes off her, ignoring his neglected cock to watch every single second of her falling apart. An idea forms in his mind, and smirking, Matt bends his leg at the knee, giving Alex a new angle to work with that presses her clit hard against him with every movement of her hips. She cries out sharply and he feels a new rush of wetness against his thigh as her cunt undulates against his skin.

Breathing hard, she slides off his leg and settles between his thighs, cheeks flushed and eyes suddenly sleepy as she presses a grateful kiss to his chest. "So patient," she sighs, and strokes her tongue over his nipple. He arches into the hot touch, skin tingling and prickling, his whole body overly sensitive from her exquisite torture. Pulling back, she blows softly over it, cooling her saliva on his skin and then moving to the other one. She keeps going back and forth, nipping and sucking until he's thrashing under her and his nipples are red and sore.

She doesn't even pause to inspect her handiwork, slowly working her way down his chest and stomach, leaving bright red rings of her teeth marks as she goes, like her own little map of where she's been. She pays particular attention to his hipbones, tracing her tongue over them and then sinking in her teeth until he yelps behind the gag.

And finally, blessedly, she reaches his throbbing, neglected erection. She eyes him like a dessert, licking her lips, and he waits tensely for her to devour him. Breath hot against him, she flicks her eyes up to his and asks, "You know what I don't like about the gag?" Her tongue darts out to slide over the head of his cock, licking up the moisture gathered there. "I miss hearing you beg."

Matt squeezes his eyes shut and gives a long, muffled moan of frustration. Alex laughs softly and as if finally deciding she's made him wait long enough, she takes him into her mouth. It's such a relief to feel her tongue wrapping around him that his groans of pleasure sound more like sobs but he's too far-gone to care how pathetic he might sound. Cruelly, she takes him all the way down her throat and then quickly moves back up again, sliding him from her mouth with a pop.

She smoothes the fingers of one hand over his red thighs and wraps her free hand around his cock. "It's almost an identical red," she says, sounding curious and horrifyingly like she might like to conduct further studies. On edge, Matt shifts his hips in a subtle attempt to get her to at least tighten her grip on him and give him some sodding friction.

Frustrating as ever, Alex releases her grip on him altogether. But she doesn't torment him for long, bending to suck wetly at his balls once again. He gives a muffled scream as she suckles and drags her tongue over the tight skin, lifting his hips off the bed and thrusting into the air until she finally moves that lovely, talented, sinful mouth back to his cock.

This time, she doesn't waver in her attention or pause to give him time to breathe, sliding her mouth over him and wrapping her tongue around him like she's absolutely starving for him. She keeps his hips pinned to the mattress, licking and sucking and humming until he strains the handcuffs in his fervor, releasing a muffled, drawn-out groan as he spills down her throat in hot pulses. Alex takes everything he gives her and he whimpers, feeling her throat contract around him as she swallows.

When he's spent, she slides him from her mouth almost reluctantly, as if she isn't quite ready to let him go yet. She clambers over him, unfastens the handcuffs and unknots the gag around his mouth, tossing the scarf to the floor carelessly. The first thing he does is sit up and gather her into his arms, holding her like he's been longing to do for weeks on end as he finds her mouth and kisses her hungrily.

She moans, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, surprising him with her enthusiasm. He slips his hand beneath her shirt and slides his fingers over the smooth skin of

her stomach and up, pleased to find her without a bra. He cups the heavy weight of one breast in his palm, caressing her nipple with his thumb until it hardens under his touch and Alex squirms, wrenching her mouth from his with a gasp.

He moves his mouth to her neck, kissing her there instead and breathing in the familiar scent of her. "Welcome back, Kingston."

"Missed me, did you?" She asks wryly, and carefully extracts herself from his embrace.

He pouts as she climbs off the bed and walks away. "Where are you going?"

Surely she doesn't want to leave now? She just got here.

Alex rolls her eyes. "Getting lotion for your legs," she says and disappears down the hall. "You'll be sore later if I don't."

Content that she'll come back, Matt relaxes back against the pillows and wonders if she's missed him enough to stay here tonight. They could make up for lost time. Maybe if he presents it to her as a way to have more sex rather than a new level of emotional intimacy, she'll be more inclined to curl up in his bed tonight rather than alone in her own.

As Alex pads back into the room carrying a bottle of lotion, he pushes the thought aside and focuses instead on the fact that she's here now. She settles onto the mattress again and squirts a dollop of lotion onto her hands. When she begins to rub it over the red marks she'd inflicted on his thighs, he gasps at the coolness against his skin. She smiles and presses a kiss to his knee in apology, smoothing in the lotion with gentle, careful fingers. This is the part he loves most – as much as he enjoys the spanking itself – afterward when Alex is as tender as she might be with someone she actually loves.

She distracts him easily, slipping her fingers into the crease of his thigh and sending his thoughts spiraling away. Her fingers continue to stray where he knows she hadn't struck him with the riding crop and if she keeps it up, he's going to be hard again in moment.

"Alex, love -" She grins wickedly and takes him in hand, wrapping lotion-slicked fingers around his length. He chokes on the rest of his sentence and shoots up from the pillows, yanking her into his chest and kissing her hard. "Stay with me," he gasps against her mouth. "Just tonight. You've been away for months, Alex – I want to touch you and make you come and -"

But she's already shaking her head. "I can't."

He sighs, unsurprised but still disappointed. "Why not? Could you at least tell me that?"

"Because sleeping over means this is something more than it is," she says, already dragging herself out of bed and picking up her knickers from the floor. "We're shagging, Matt. That's all."

He stares at her, speechless. He'd known, of course, that Alex wanted something casual when they started this but to hear her say it so coldly… He'd thought that maybe after a while, she would change her mind. How can she sleep with him so frequently and feel nothing? She might as well have just punched him in the chest for all the pain he feels now, watching her drag her leggings up her legs and seize her riding crop from the floor.

Swallowing around the sudden dryness in his throat, he asks quietly, "Is that all I am to you? Someone to have sex with?"

Alex freezes, turning to face him with pained eyes. "What do you want from me, Matt? We can't have anything more than that and it's ridiculous to even contemplate."

"Why is being with me ridiculous?"

She laughs and it's like another punch. "Because you're young, darling. The young have very short attention spans. And I'm tired of being the woman men lose interest in. I'm more than willing to continue our arrangement but -"

"What if I want more than that?" He interrupts, running a frustrated hand through his hair. "What if this isn't enough for me?"

Alex stiffens. "Then you'll have to find what you're looking for somewhere else because I can't give it to you."

If her laughter had been a punch, her words are a swift slap to the cheek and he recoils under the force of them. Clenching his jaw and refusing to let her see that her words have had any effect at all, he says, "Fine. Maybe I'll do that then."

He doesn't even know what he's saying. He doesn't want to find someone else – he wants Alex and the thought of being with another woman is enough to make his stomach churn. Maybe this had started out as merely sex but it's more than that to him now. Maybe it always had been. He wants a real relationship with her – he wants to really talk to her and hold her and watch crap telly with her. He wants something substantial, not these fleeting private moments, and nothing else will satisfy.

Her jaw tightens and she snatches up her scarf from the floor, balling it into a crumpled scrap in her fist. "You're welcome to look elsewhere for your needs whenever you'd like," she snaps and without looking him in the eye or uttering another word, she turns on her heel and stalks out of the room.

Matt hears the door to his flat slam shut and he sighs, sinking down onto the edge of his bed. Just moments ago, he'd been holding her and kissing her, slipping slowly from the peak of orgasm and so happy to be with her again. And now, he's buggered everything up just by being unfortunate enough to fall for an amazing, gorgeous woman who has no interest in loving him back.

tell me now where was my fault

Chapter Summary

She has gotten too attached. She's only holding onto him now because she's afraid to let go. She isn't ready to think about why.

Chapter Notes

Chapter title from Mumford and Sons White Blank Page

Sometimes she really hates him.

The man just can't leave well enough alone and now he's ruined everything. What's so wrong with using each other for sex? It's harmless and it's gratifying and there are no strings attached. Most men would love to have that sort of arrangement. But not Matt, of course. She has to go and shag the one man in all the UK who isn't satisfied with just that.

He's far too young for her to ever consider him as anything else. If he wants sex, she's more than happy to give it to him but one day he'll move on and find a nice girl, get married, have kids. One day, she won't mean anything at all to him. He just needs time to accept that sex doesn't always equal love. He's confused but once he has some time to think, he'll understand. And maybe he'll come back to her, ready to be her obedient pupil, just for a little while longer.

And rather stupidly, she hopes he does.

She has known since the moment he turned around and looked at her in his flat earlier, that gag in his mouth and his eyes shining as he looked at her, as if she'd been away for years instead of a few months, that things were headed into dangerous territory for both of them. She has gotten too attached. She's only holding onto him now because she's afraid to let go.

She isn't ready to think about why.

Thankfully, they don't start filming until tomorrow so Alex spends her free time in her flat, hiding from not only Matt but everyone else as well. She isn't in the mood to face anyone, too caught up

in her own self-loathing to put on a smile and pretend everything is fine.

Unfortunately for her, Karen didn't get the memo.

Without knocking, she opens the door to Alex's flat and peers inside. "Alex? Can I come in?"

She looks up from the book she has been staring at absently for the last hour and sighs. "You sort of already did, dear."

"I just need to ask your opinion," she says, venturing all the way inside and shutting the door behind her. "You're not busy, are you?"

Only with hating myself.

"Not at all. What can I do for you?"

Karen twirls in the middle of the room. "What do you think of this outfit? Do I look like I'm asking for it?"

Alex raises an eyebrow at the tight red dress and sky-high heels. "Well are you?"

Karen giggles and gives a little shimmy. "Maybe."

Laughing, Alex swings her legs to the floor and scoots over to make room for her on the sofa, patting the space next to her. If there's one thing Karen is good for, it's a pleasant distraction from her own confusing life. "Where are you off to, then? One last hurrah before the grueling filming begins again?"

Karen settles next to her, close enough to link her arm through Alex's and rest her head on her shoulder. "Something like that." She sighs. "Not really looking forward to dragging Matt around tonight though."

Alex frowns. "Why are you dragging Matt around?"

"Didn't he tell you?" Karen snorts. "I thought he told you everything. I swear, he must have been such a mummy's boy."

Heart in her throat, Alex chooses to ignore that last part and asks, "Tell me what?"

Karen sighs. "He insisted that I set him up with one of my friends but he's been so bloody moody

– he isn't exactly going to be the life of the party."

Swallowing, Alex says quietly, "I'm sure he'll be fine once he's out with everyone, dear."

"He better," she grunts, crossing long legs and jiggling her foot irritably. "I got him a date with the bustiest friend I have! And she just broke up with her boyfriend so she's probably looking for a nice comforting shag. She'll hardly want to sleep with him if he's moping! I swear, if he doesn't snap out of it, Emily will never speak to me again."

Well, he's moving on quite well. The gift of the young, she supposes. They bounce back quickly. She'd all but ordered him to go find what he wanted elsewhere and he'd done it. He is a young, sexy, talented man and thanks to her, confident enough to know he can have whoever he wants. He doesn't need her anymore and Alex has nothing left to give him except something that feels horrifyingly familiar and affectionate. It's for the best that things end now – before she gives him her heart along with her body.

Ignoring the sudden ache in her chest and the strange, gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach that absolutely is not jealousy but merely sadness at the loss of a great shag, Alex drops her head to rest against the top of Karen's. "It'll all work out," she says quietly. "You'll see."

Emily is…nice.

She's very pretty and sweet and Karen had definitely been right about her generous chest. Before

– well, just before – Emily would have been more than enough to make him a happy man. She clings to his arm as they stumble from pub to pub; laughing when he trips and matching him drink for drink. She stays close to him on the dance floor, rubbing herself against him and letting her hair brush his face, her perfume invading his senses. Once, she might have been what he was looking for, or at least a nice distraction.

But now, it feels empty. There is something missing from her. There is no challenge in her eyes when she looks at him, she doesn't meet his gaze boldly, like she has a secret she isn't going to tell him. She peeks at him from beneath her lashes and everything about her body language tells him that should they make it as far as the bedroom, he will be the one in charge. And he doesn't mind that – he's more than happy to take on the dominant role once in a while but Emily doesn't seem as if she could command a dog to sit, let alone blindfold and tease him for hours or take a riding crop to his bare skin.

It doesn't take a genius to understand why lovely, gentle Emily is no longer the woman of his dreams. Alex Kingston has ruined him for everyone else – with her wild hair and her wicked smirk, her gorgeous curves and guiding hand. She has molded and shaped him into the lover she desired and now, no one else is enough for him. Only she will satisfy him. He needs her – to tie him up and teach him a lesson, to soothe his smarting skin with her buttermilk lotion, to press her naked body to his and curl up with a sated little smile that tells him he has done well.

But Alex doesn't want him and he refuses to trail after her like an unwanted puppy, hoping she'll show him a bit of affection. So he smiles at Emily, makes jokes Alex would roll her eyes at and tries to be pleased when Emily bursts out laughing like she's never heard anything more amusing. He drinks with her, taking shot after shot and ignoring the way the room spins around him. He dances with her, holds her hips and grinds with her until he's hard just from the friction. And when Emily yanks him out of the pub and into the dark alley next to it, he follows her willingly.

He keeps her pressed close to his side and catches a whiff of her perfume. It's too sweet, like the smell of candyfloss and he hates himself a little for longing for the scent of jasmine instead. She pushes him against a brick wall and kisses him messily, all tongues and no patience. Matt opens his mouth anyway and lets her tongue slide against his own and while she certainly has enthusiasm on her side, she lacks the skill he is so used to. Maybe it's just because she's drunk, and it isn't fair to Emily but he can't stop comparing.

Gripping her jaw, he does his best to slow her down, to guide and show her that trying to eat his face isn't exactly a turn-on but Emily takes his hand against her face as passion and kisses him harder. When she finally pulls away to breathe, she doesn't pause, kissing and sucking at his neck and across his collarbones and if she should slide his t-shirt up his chest, she would find red teeth marks all down his chest like territory marks, still too new to bruise. But she's too preoccupied fumbling with his trousers to explore, breathing heavily into his neck and cupping him through the denim until she gets them unbuttoned.

Determined to get into the mood because there is a beautiful girl about to sink to her knees in front of him in a bloody alley, Matt yanks her close and kisses her one more time before giving her shoulders a gentle push. Emily smirks and reaches inside his pants, pulling out his cock and stroking him once, watching him drop his head back against the wall behind him and close his eyes, expression pinched.

It feels good. It does.

There is nothing wrong with this. He has every right to be here, there is no reason to feel like he's being unfaithful. There is no relationship to be faithful to. God only knows the fucktoy Alex has waiting for her back in LA. Someone who doesn't ask for more than sex, who's probably tanned and muscled and more experienced than he is. Gritting his teeth, Matt pushes the jealousy away and tries to focus.

On her knees, Emily wastes no time teasing him until he begs and as she immediately takes him into her mouth, he finds that he no longer likes getting what he wants right away. It's… boring. Hands gripping his thighs, she traces her tongue over the underside of his cock, then swirls it around the head and Matt moans because it seems like the thing to do, reaching down to bury his hands in her hair.

Very big mistake.

Because before, he could at least close his eyes and pretend that Alex was being deliberately terrible at this just to torture him and that if he opened his eyes, he could see her on her knees, smirking up at him. But now there is no lying to himself. The hair in his hands is straight and thin and just wrong. He is in an alleyway letting a girl who is practically a stranger suck him off just to prove a point. This isn't him. He doesn't want this.

Eyes snapping open, Matt chokes out, "Stop, Emily, stop."

She pulls back, licks swollen and pout firmly in place. "What's wrong? Don't you like it?"

He shakes his head frantically, stumbling away from her and tucking himself back into his trousers. "No, it's fine, it's -" He runs a shaking hand through his hair. "I can't do this. I'm sorry."

Her face crumples and he's reminded that she just broke up with her boyfriend. His rejection probably isn't helping make her weekend any better. God, Karen is going to strangle him.

"I'm really sorry," he says again. "I'm just not ready for this."

She gives him an appraising look, slowly rising from her knees. "You just get out of a relationship

too?"

He swallows, thinking of derisive laughter and the slamming of doors. "Something like that."

Emily shrugs. "It's okay. I understand."

"Do you want me to take you home?" He asks, feeling terrible and wanting nothing more than to leave now, but he can't just abandon her.

She shakes her head and gives a self-deprecating smile. "I think I'm gonna need another drink."

As she walks back inside and Matt flees the alley with as much dignity as he can muster, he feels the anguish slowly begin to ebb away and righteous anger take its place. Emily had been lovely, fantastic. And so understanding, even when he must have wounded her pride by pushing her away like that. Before Alex, they might have had something.

She has ruined him for everyone else – no other woman, no matter how sweet and funny and charming, is ever going to be enough now that he knows what it's like to be with Alex and god, it makes him so furious. She made him this way, created the lover she wanted and tossed him aside to fend for himself, to try to pick up the pieces and find happiness with someone else.

Fists clenched at his sides as he stalks away from town and back to his flat, Matt feels his anger grow with every step. Anger at himself for falling for someone who clearly only wanted sex from him, anger at Alex for not loving him back, that she made him into this sex-obsessed pathetic excuse for a man who knows what he wants and will accept nothing less. By the time he makes it back to the block of flats he currently calls home, he has worked himself up into quite the temper – hands balled into fists and his jaw clenched as he takes the stairs two at a time. He doesn't knock when he reaches Alex's flat, barging inside to find her standing in her living room in a silk robe and wet hair, fresh from the shower.

Her eyes widen at the sight of him but she quickly schools her expression into one of irritation. "Knock first, please. Maybe I should have taught you manners as well as how to use your tongue."

He barely flinches at the snipe, stalking toward her and enjoying the way she holds her ground despite the wariness in her eyes. When he grips her hips and walks her backwards, she doesn't struggle, letting him back her into a wall.

She raises an eyebrow, unfazed. "Back from your date so soon?" She smirks. "Did you just hold hands and talk about your childhoods?"

Hands planted on the wall on either side of her head, Matt narrows his eyes and bends his head to look into hers. "What if I told you she dragged me outside and sucked me off against a wall?"

She doesn't look away from his piercing gaze but the smug expression on her face begins to fade and he feels like a prick for how satisfied that makes him. "I'm sure she was very skilled."

"Not jealous are you, Kingston?" He asks quietly, and she glances away. "It would hardly be fair of you – considering you told me to go. And who've you got in LA, hm? Got a nice bloke warming your bed for you, waiting for you to get back and teach him a lesson too?"

Her eyes immediately fly back up to his, narrowed in her outrage. "You think I have someone to fuck in every town I stay in?" She shoves at his chest but he refuses to be budged. "You bastard – who the hell do you think you are? Get away from me!"

"I pushed her away," he growls, slamming his hand against the wall next to her head and shocking her into silence. "She was on her knees in front of me, eager and willing, and I bloody well pushed her away."

All the fury leaves her eyes in an instant. "Not talented enough for you?"

He growls in frustration. "It had nothing to do with the talent of her mouth, damn it!"

"Or lack thereof," she mutters, and he shakes her by the shoulders to get her to pay attention.

"I pushed her away because I want you."

She shakes her head vehemently. "You shouldn't have. I've got nothing to offer you, Matt. I thought we were just having a bit of fun. If I'd known you would get attached, I would never -"

He cuts her off, laughing in her face. "You didn't know it was going to happen? That is the

biggest load of bollocks I've ever heard in my life. How could anyone look at you, spend time with you, make love to you, and not fall for you, Alex? It's just not possible." He shakes his head, bending to brush his nose against hers and ignoring the way she stiffens and looks away. "You take me for a stronger man than I am. And you… you make me weak."

She looks at him again, tears brimming in her eyes.

Brushing his thumb over her cheekbone, he whispers, "But you know that, don't you, Alex? You know exactly what you do to people. You bewitch them all." He swallows, watching her eyes flutter closed at his gentle touch, a rare and precious moment of weakness. "And you love it. You love seeing us all fall at your feet. But actually letting anyone in scares the bloody hell out of you."

Her eyes snap open instantly, all vulnerability gone as if it had never been. "Don't pretend like you know anything about me -"

"I'm not pretending," he interrupts quietly. "I pay attention, Kingston. More attention than you pay to me." If the bitterness he feels creeps into his voice, neither of them acknowledges it. "But I'd like to know more. I want to know you, Alex. I want to take you out and bring you flowers just because I bloody feel like it and turn over in bed at night to see you next to me."

She stares at him for a long moment, looking shaken to the core, but just when he thinks he might be getting through to her, she clenches her jaw and says, "I'm not interested. Find someone else to give your flowers to." She shoves at his chest again. "I'll be here if you want to be properly fucked."

She might as well have slapped him. Angry all over again and so frustrated because he knows, he can see, that she's lying to him and to herself, he kisses her, hard and bruising and forceful. He expects her to push him away, to struggle. Instead, she wraps her arms around his neck and gives as good as she gets, sucking his bottom lip into her mouth and tugging on it with her teeth. He groans and moves his hands to her hips, gripping her tightly as he shoves her harder against the wall. She doesn't want to talk but this, this he can do. He can show her that she makes him angrier than he's ever been, so bloody frustrated and so achingly hard.

Gasping when he presses his erection into her thigh, Alex tears her mouth from his and bangs her head against the wall behind her. "Matt -"

He nudges her with his hips again and nips roughly at her jaw. "Shut up," he growls.

"Make me," she snaps and snags her fingers through his belt loops, yanking him into her as she presses her thigh harder against him.

Undone, Matt jerks her hands from his trousers and pins them to the wall above her head, leaning in to brush his lips harshly against hers. "You'd like that, wouldn't you? I bet you're already soaked just thinking about me bending you over and spanking your lovely arse." He yanks at the tie of her robe and Alex doesn't try to stop him, tilting her chin up defiantly and letting his eyes roam over the curves of her body as the robe opens to reveal her naked skin underneath. "Let's find out shall we?"

He pauses only long enough to brush his fingers lightly, torturously, over her nipples – just enough to make her arch into him for more before he leaves her wanting – and slides his hand between her eagerly parted thighs. "Oh yes," he sighs, stroking her slick flesh. "You want to be punished, don't you, Kingston?"

She whimpers, biting down hard on her bottom lip and boldly raising one leg to wrap around his hip, giving him better access to her. She is usually the one in control in moments like this and he can see by the flush of her cheeks and the glittering of her eyes that she likes this sudden role reversal. She likes being at his mercy.

The thought makes him impossibly harder and as his fingers circle roughly over her entrance, Alex uses the opportunity to slide her free hand over the obvious bulge in his trousers. He hisses and drops his forehead to her shoulder. "Is this for me?" She asks, squeezing. "Or is this from the alley, hm?"

He sinks his teeth into her shoulder and hears her moan. "You, god. All for you."

Her fingers begin to work quickly to unbutton his trousers and he licks his way up her neck eagerly as she pants, "Going to suck away every last trace of her -"

The jealousy in her voice makes him smile but he pushes her hands away and pins her again, watching her eyes darken as he manhandles her. "No. You're going to turn around and let me fuck you like a good girl, aren't you, Kingston?"

She moans and her hot breath hits his cheek as she nods, letting him wrestle the silk robe from her body and toss it away, spinning her to face the wall. She braces her hands against it and presents herself to him like the naughty, eager little thing she is and he groans, digging his wallet out of his pocket and pulling out a condom. He rolls it on while she wiggles impatiently but the moment he grips her hips and snaps at her, "Stop moving," she stills and presses her forehead to the wall, obedient as any willing pupil. "You want to be fucked?"

She nods again, frantic.

"Say it."

He hears her swallow audibly. "I want to be fucked."

He sinks into her with a sigh and delights in the way the heat of her sex wraps around him tightly and the way she cries out as she stretches around him. This feels right – not some half-arsed blowjob in a filthy alley with a stranger. "So good, Alex, I -"

"Yes," she hisses, pushing back against him as he presses into her over and over again, every snap of his hips against her arse making a filthy slapping noise that fills the air along with their panting and moaning. "God, darling, harder, don't stop -"

"Eager, aren't you?" He asks, gripping her hips tight enough to leave bruises and Christ, he shouldn't love that so much. What has she done to him? "My eager, bad girl."

She moans her agreement, glancing over her shoulder at him with burning green eyes. "Yours, darling, please."

Her walls begin to tighten around him, the beginning spasms of her release. "You want to come?"

"Yes, I'm so close, Matt." He slows his thrusts, barely moving his cock inside her as he feels her body clutch desperately at him. The whinging sound that leaves her throat is absolutely gorgeous and he relishes every single moment of power he has over her right now. He understands now, why she loves it so much when he begs. It's intoxicating.

"You bastard," she spits and reaches behind her, dragging her nails down his arm and digging them into his flesh.

He hisses, shoving hard into her and making her cry out. "That isn't very nice, Kingston. Naughty girls don't get what they want. Now apologize."

"Like hell," she snaps, but when he begins to withdraw, she mumbles it quickly, sounding wretched.

He smirks. "What was that?"

"I'm sorry," she says loudly, irritably.

He thrusts again, shallowly, as he leans in and breathes against the shell of her ear, "That didn't sound very heartfelt."

"Please, darling," she pleads, almost sobbing as she tries to move her hips and fuck herself on him, but he holds her steady and eventually she sags against the wall, defeated as she waits for him. "I'm sorry, please. I'm sorry."

He smirks, sliding his hand over her breast and cupping it in his palm, stroking her nipple with his thumb. It hardens instantly under his touch and she whimpers, struggling to arch into his touch and push back against him at once.

Finally, moments from coming just at the sounds she's making and the feel of her swollen and soaking around him, he takes pity on her and begins to move again, deep, hard thrusts that have her scrabbling at the wall, her nails scratching dents in the plaster as she keens.

"Fuck, yes," she cries out, and when he slips his hand from her breast to the heat between her legs, stroking his fingers over her sensitive, tight little bundle of nerves, she shatters with a keening moan.

The sound of her coming apart, the memory of her begging him and the sight of the smooth line of her back arching back away from the wall and into him is enough to send Matt careening over the edge with a strangled gasp. Still pounding into her furiously, he buries his face in Alex's damp curls and howls his release.

His knees give out almost instantly and he lowers them both to the floor with as much care as he can, sprawling out on his back and panting hard. He doesn't move when Alex scoots over to him, peeling off the condom and tossing it aside before dropping her head to his chest. She slides her hand over his side gently, humming contentedly into his neck but as Matt falls fast from the rush of orgasm, he feels sick.

"God, I love makeup sex," she murmurs, laving her tongue over his chest.

He stares up at the ceiling and swallows the sudden lump in his throat. Every other time he has been with Alex, no matter what they do to each other, he has been making love to her – his affection for her always lingering in the back of his mind and making everything better, brighter. This time, there had been nothing.

There's nothing wrong with a rough fuck, but to take her like that without even thinking of how much he adores her, how much she means to him… It had been a mindless pursuit of pleasure without a thought to the love he feels for her. It had been anger and pleasure and his eagerness to hear her beg. He doesn't ever want to touch her with anything but love but tonight, he had.

This is what his frustration with her has reduced him to and he hates it. He hates how she makes him feel about himself now. Not too long ago, she made him feel amazing – like he could take on the world. But now he's in love with her and everything is different. He wants more than anything to be hers and hers alone, and for her to be his in return. She makes him feel like shit – this horrible knot of jealousy and inadequacy curled up in his stomach like a living thing all the time.

He can't do this anymore.

Slowly, Alex lifts her head from his chest, frowning. "What did you say?"

Realizing he'd spoken aloud, he clears his throat and speaks again, just as softly. "I can't do this anymore, Alex."

She stares at him wordlessly, that happy flush fading from her cheeks quickly as she sits up and reaches for her discarded robe, draping it over her shoulders. "What does that mean? You're just done?"

He nods, climbing to his feet and buttoning his trousers. "I don't like who I am with you anymore." He runs a hand through his hair, avoiding her eyes and staring at the floor instead. "I don't want to be like this and I'm tired of balancing on this line you've drawn between us." Finally glancing up, he sees her tying her robe and refusing to look at him. "I want all of you or nothing."

She doesn't say anything, but she doesn't have to – he already knows what her answer will be. With a sigh and one last glance at her, arms wrapped around herself and biting her lip as she studies the floor, he lets himself out and shuts the door softly behind him.

Standing outside in the hallway, he sags against her door and thumps his head against the wood, shutting his eyes and feeling the distance yawning wide between them.

Goodbye, Alex.

and I can't fall asleep without a little help

Chapter Summary

Right now, he's wounded from her rejection and blinded by sex, fooled by hormones into thinking he loves her but he doesn't and he'll see that eventually. He'll thank her then, for not letting him make the biggest mistake of his life.

Chapter Notes

Chapter title from Terrible Love by The National.

She's almost… proud of him.

When he'd come to her last night, she'd been so sure that he was crawling back as she knew he would – as if he couldn't stay away from her any more than she can stay away from him. Her skin had been practically crawling with jealousy she'd refused to admit, thinking of him out with someone else and she'd nearly snapped when he confessed that he'd let that girl put her mouth on him.

But he'd come back to her and she'd hoped that maybe he'd been ready to put his absurd notion of a relationship behind him, that he was willing to keep this thing between them casual. And god, it had been sexy as hell seeing him so in control. She'd done that. She'd transformed him from this blushing boy to a man who isn't afraid to take what he wants. And now he's gone.

Well, truthfully, he's sitting right in front of her and she stares at the back of his head as everyone piles into the van, ready to film the outdoor scenes for the first part of the finale. The distance between them is jarring – normally, he would have spotted her sitting in the back by herself and grinned, sitting as close to her as he dared and attempting to slide his fingers up her thigh when no one was looking. Today, he hadn't even glanced at her as he took the seat as far from hers as he could possibly get. It's understandable, of course, considering how awkward things are between them right now, but that doesn't make it any less painful.

Karen slides into the seat next to him, looking slightly hungover as she turns to offer a weak smile to Alex. She waves half-heartedly in reply and watches Karen punch Matt in the arm. He yelps and turns to her with a betrayed look, brow furrowed. "What the bloody hell was that for?!"

"You left my already depressed friend in the middle of a date, you arsehole!" She smacks him again and Alex bites her lip, glancing guiltily down at her lap as Matt struggles to shield himself. "And you didn't even say goodbye to me, you just disappeared! Where did you go?"

"Nowhere," he mumbles, and Alex wonders if he feels the tension between them as thickly as she does.

Karen huffs, eyeing him suspiciously. "You must have gone somewhere in such a bloody hurry."

"I was drunk and tired, Kaz. That's all." He shrugs. "And your friend wasn't my type."

"She was blonde and busty and desperate," Karen rolls her eyes. "She is every man's type."

Refusing to acknowledge the burning jealousy forming a knot in her stomach, Alex turns to stare out the window and tries to tune out the rest of their conversation. Which is impossible, of course, enclosed in a van like this and she hears Matt's quiet reply perfectly. "Then I guess I'm not every man."

"You told me you liked curvy blondes!"

"I do," he says stiffly. "Just not her."

"Oh," Karen smirks. "Were you talking about a specific curvy blonde then?"

Alex tenses immediately but Matt doesn't even stumble on his reply. "What, like I'm lusting after Marilyn Monroe? God, Kazza, get a grip."

"Alright, fine," she sniffs. "No need to be tetchy. I was just asking."

Breathing out a quiet sigh of relief, Alex rests her forehead against the windowpane and closes her eyes. Why couldn't the idiot just be happy with sex? Why did he have to push for what she couldn't ever give him? He looks at her like she's some sort of soulless, unfeeling succubus but she knows what he's too young to realize. He's about to become the biggest star in the UK, unable to even sit peacefully in a restaurant without being recognized. All eyes will be on him and he can't start a very public affair with his costar who is nineteen years his senior.

The scrutiny on both of them would be great and terrible, and she's not only protecting him, but herself as well. She won't put herself out there for the media to feast upon – not when it won't last. It's insane to even entertain the idea of Matt wanting anything serious with her long-term. He's going to have women throwing themselves at his feet on a daily basis and coming home to her every day would quickly lose its appeal. Alex won't wear her heart on her sleeve for him – she has made that mistake one too many times to fall for it again.

As she listens to him bicker light-heartedly with Karen, she knows she's making the right decision in letting him walk away. Right now, he's wounded from her rejection and blinded by sex, fooled by hormones into thinking he loves her but he doesn't and he'll see that eventually. He'll thank her then, for not letting him make the biggest mistake of his life. And so will she.

They spend the day pretending to ride horses and thankfully, there isn't much time for things to be awkward between her and Matt, all of them far too busy to concentrate on anything else but looking vaguely authentic. She hops down from the bed of the truck, wind-blown but a little exhilarated, and sees Matt standing off in the distance with Karen, staring at her unabashedly. Before, she would have smirked and tortured him a bit but now she runs a hand self-consciously over her hair and looks away, feeling strangely exposed under his gaze.

Karen bounds up to her, grinning. "Does it feel as silly as it looks?"

Alex rolls her eyes. "Oh, thank you, dear."

She snorts, latching onto Alex's elbow. "You know you looked as dignified as a person possibly can bouncing on the back of a truck. But it doesn't bode well for the rest of us."

"It certainly works your thigh muscles," she remarks, wincing a bit. "But I'm sure you'll be fine."

Karen pushes her fondly into a chair before skipping off again, letting a crewmember help her onto the truck. Caught up in watching her, Alex doesn't notice Matt settle into the seat next to her until he clears his throat. She jumps, turning to look at him with wide eyes. He doesn't return the look, his gaze focused on some fixed point in the distance. Knowing he'd probably just gotten tired of standing around, Alex tries to calm down but it's difficult with him so very close. Every time a breeze ruffles his hair, she catches the faint scent of soap and aftershave and Haribo sweets.

If things were different, she might be leaning as close as she dared to mutter filthy things into his ear, making sure when his turn came to climb into the truck, he would be very uncomfortable and

miserable as he bounced up and down. She would have made it up to him later. Lost without the promise of sex between them, Alex fiddles nervously with her hair. It feels unusually fluffy today and she tries to flatten it a bit with anxious fingers.

Without glancing once in her direction, Matt says softly, "Stop it. It looks lovely, Kingston."

Slowly, she drops her hand from her hair and lets it fall back into her lap, swallowing the lump in her throat as she avoids looking at him too. "Thank you," she whispers, and sees him scrub a hand over his face out of the corner of her eye.

They don't speak again and when Karen returns and kicks Matt out of her chair, Alex finally starts to relax. They huddle together and she forces herself to giggle along with Karen as Matt climbs into the back of the truck. He really does look ridiculous. It's strange being around him now but the day is almost over and she has managed the hardest part. Keeping him at arm's length can only get easier now.

The first thing he thinks of doing when they give him a video camera is to find Karen and torture her. He's just sorry Arthur isn't on set today – they could have played a prank on her and filmed her reaction. Confidential would love that. But he's on his own for today and he makes his way across the set while providing commentary for the viewers. He just hopes they don't notice when he stops in his tracks and stands utterly speechless, staring at Alex from across the room.

She's dressed as Cleopatra and though he'd known a costume change would be required for her in this episode, he hadn't truly thought about what that meant. She looks every bit the part of Egyptian royalty, utterly stunning in that sheer gown, her lovely cleavage practically spilling out of the top of it and her eyes lined in black – the very same color as the wig she has on and it's the only part of the outfit he isn't fond of. He resents anything that covers her curls. The rest of her, though, is… breathtaking.

Before he even knows what he's doing, he clears his throat and makes his way across the set to her, despite the voice screaming in his head to stop now. It's reckless to approach her so soon after he ended things for his own mental health, but he tells himself that he's doing this for the viewers. Surely they'll want to see Alex in costume as much as he does.

He trains the camera on Alex standing across the room and says, "We're going to go see Alex Kingston, who, look, it's not just normal Alex Kingston as River Song, it's Cleopatra."

Alex, in the middle of drinking deeply from a bottle of water, lowers it from her mouth and swallows, pasting on a bright smile but unable to hide the surprise in her eyes.

"That's who it is," he says, grinning as she preens, fluffing at her wig. "The Kingston as Cleopatra." He panics in the brief lull, terrified of making things even more awkward between them, and he senses Alex struggling as well. "How does it feel to be Cleopatra, Alex?"

"Uhm," she fiddles nervously with her wig, running her fingers over it. "It feels uniquely royal."

"Absolutely," he says, cursing himself for being a nervous, non-verbal idiot.

"I'm actually loving it."

Me too.

"Good."

She touches her headdress. "I don't think I want to take this off."

And there's where we differ, Kingston.

He'd just prefer to be the one to take it off of her.

"Really?"

"And, erm," she looks a bit lost, scrambling for something else to fill the awkward air between them and though he's currently cursing his own feet for carrying him over here, he can't help but drink in the sight of her. She's positively radiant and he can just catch the faintest hint of her perfume in the air around them as she continues to nervously adjust her headdress.

"I mean, to be honest," he says, and the butterflies in his stomach distract him from the words flying from his mouth without his consent, "out of all of us I think you do the best costume-wise, don't you? You get all the cool sort of sexy, sassy ones." As Alex starts to respond, he blurts the

words out and there is absolutely no shoving them back in. "Or is that you inside them?"

Alex covers her surprise well; giving him a fond look of exasperation that is so achingly familiar it forms a knot in his chest. "Darling," she says, and his breath hitches. "I'm a bit nervous that I might look like mutton dressed as lamb in this."

She gives a self-deprecating laugh and he just manages to muffle his gasp of indignation on her behalf. God, does she have no idea how utterly sexy she looks? It makes him want to take her by the arm and drag her somewhere private to show her just how wrong she is. But he lost that privilege when he walked out and there is no getting it back.

"Noo," he says instead, waving her away and despairing that it's the only reassurance he can offer, knowing it will never take the place of kisses and caresses. Quickly panning the camera around and turning his attention elsewhere before Alex sees the regret in his eyes, he focuses on Karen across the set. "You on the other hand…"

He's doing the right thing by staying away. He knows he is. But that doesn't make it any less difficult.

"What?" Karen holds up her hands, resigned to Matt's torment. "Go on, hit me."

They manage to get into a bickering match about Twilight before Alex redirects him to the makeup ladies and he wanders off to do her bidding before he even realizes he'd agreed. He doesn't have to follow her orders anymore, but it still feels like the most natural thing in the world.

She cannot fall apart now. Her little girl is going to be here in two days and she doesn't have time to have an emotional breakdown and pick up the pieces again. So the only solution is to not have one at all. She manages admirably, right up until Florian calls her with flight details, slips in a mention of his new girlfriend and manages to remind her of her latest failed marriage all in one fell swoop.

Today has been difficult enough – Matt had been determined to treat her like he normally did, as if refusing to acknowledge the new awkwardness between them by flirting with her but it hadn't done anything but remind her of what they'd had. He'd grinned that wide and ridiculous smile at her, given her those bedroom eyes of his and looked her up and down like he could lick her from head to toe. It had taken everything she had not to ask him to.

She misses him. She misses his giggle and his soft hair sliding through her fingers, she misses his gentle touch and his thorough kisses. And every time he looks at her, every time she catches his eye and sees the tenderness contained there for her, she is reminded that she could have all of that back – at a price. A price that is far too high for her to ever pay.

Curling up on her side on the sofa and tucking her knees under her chin, Alex stares at her mobile lying on the coffee table and thinks of Ralph and Florian and Salome and every other reason she has not to miss Matt Smith. It doesn't help and at last the tears come, tears she has been holding in since the moment he walked out because she could never give him what he wanted.

She isn't sure how long she lays there, hot tears streaking down her cheeks as she sniffles into her knees like a child but when she feels a hesitant touch on her shoulder, she gasps and jerks away, blinking her eyes open. Perched on the edge of the sofa, Matt looks contrite but adorably concerned and Alex wants nothing more than to bury her face in the sofa cushions in mortification.

"What are you doing here?"

Her voice comes out harsher than she'd intended but the humiliation of being caught crying over him is too much for her to handle at the moment. Matt blushes but doesn't look away or remove his hand from her shoulder. "I came to apologize for earlier, cornering you with a camera and all." He rubs at the back of his neck. "I knocked but you didn't answer and I was worried."

"Well I'm fine," she snaps, feeling vulnerable and not liking it one bit.

His hand traces over the curve of her shoulder and slides down the length of her arm to rest on her thigh, warm fingers curling there like they belong. "You don't look fine," he observes quietly.

Tense under his touch and wiping ineffectually at her cheeks, Alex retorts sharply, "Yes, congratulations. Bloody gold star for you -"

The rest of the words die in her throat as he uses his other hand to gently brush her hair from her forehead, his eyes kind and fathomless as they look into hers. As a hushed, reverent silence falls between them, she blinks and tries to decide what to do or say to make him leave, though it's the last thing she wants.

"Why were you crying, Kingston?" He asks, voice a whisper.

Squaring her jaw, Alex sits up and shoves his hand away from her, snapping, "None of your business. Now if you'd be so kind as to -"

Again, he cuts her off but this time with the oh so gentle brush of his lips over hers. She gasps quietly against his mouth and without her consent, her fingers curl into his shirt, keeping him firmly in place. "What are you doing?"

He bestows the softest purse of his lips to the corner of her mouth. "Kissing you."

She shakes her head, relishing the feel of his large palm caressing her back. "But you said -"

"I know," he says. "And I still mean it."

"Then why?"

"I miss you," he admits quietly, sounding pained. "And you're upset. I can't stand it. Let me help, please. Just once."

Her only answer is to wrap her arms around his neck and crawl into his lap, kissing him as hard as she can without hurting him. He moans but refuses to retaliate and his kiss remains as gentle as if she might break under his lips. It irritates her and she sinks her teeth into his bottom lip, tugging viciously.

Matt cradles her jaw in his hand and sucks her upper lip into his mouth with infinite care. For a moment, she loses herself in the sweet movement of his mouth over hers. It's been a long time since anyone has held her like this, like they were trying to make love to her through kisses alone. It isn't until his thumb sweeps over her cheekbone that she realizes he's trying to lull her into submission, like a lion tamer wielding a chair.

She changes the kiss instantly, growling into his mouth as she grips his lapels and sucks on his tongue hard. Matt doesn't budge, sliding gentle hands over her back and down the indent of her waist to grip her hips. He pulls her up with him and they stumble to their feet with their mouths still locked together. The moment she stands, he lifts her into his arms and she clings to him, letting him carry her down the hall and into her bedroom.

He lays her on the bed and follows after her, hovering over her and still kissing her like a damned lullaby. Alex reaches up and yanks roughly at the hem of his t-shirt, pulling it up and forcing their mouths apart to pull it over his head. His mouth goes to her neck instantly, tiny kisses pressed into her skin like wishes. She retaliates by raking her nails down his bare chest. He hisses but does not roughen his kisses. If anything, he becomes even gentler than before.

Tears of frustration sting her eyes and she moves to waistband of his trousers, unbuttoning and unzipping with trembling fingers. She tries to reach inside to curl her fingers around him but Matt pushes her hands away and rises from the bed just long enough to shed his trousers and pants before crawling back over her again. He peels her tights down her legs and tosses them aside, starting at her ankle and kissing his way up her leg. She pulls her shirt over her head and reaches behind her to unclasp her bra while Matt pauses at her knee, paying particular attention to it.

He moves on just before she grows impatient enough to tug him up to her by the hair. Pressing his fingers to her entrance through the heat of her knickers just long enough to listen to her gasp, he drops his face to her stomach and nuzzles his nose against her belly button, working her knickers down her thighs slowly as he does so.

"So beautiful," he whispers, dipping his fingers between her spread thighs and stroking her sex. She digs her nails into his shoulders and bucks her hips into his touch. Swiping his thumb over her clit, he kisses his way up her stomach to her breasts. He caresses them and strokes his tongue over them, suckles gently on her nipples until her sex is throbbing.

The unhurriedness of his movements drives her mad. She wants him to be rough with her; she wants him to be angry with her for using him and tossing him aside, she wants his teeth sinking into tender flesh and his bruising touch on her thighs. She wants his anger. Maybe then, it'll be okay for her to be angry with him too – for ruining what they had before with his bloody feelings, for making her feel things she never wanted to feel again, for being so young and lovely and giving her no choice at all.

When he raises his head to press his mouth to hers again, Alex rakes her hands through his hair and parts her lips at the gentle inquiry of his tongue, letting him sweep through her mouth with an air of resignation. No matter how she scratches and bites and pleads, Matt is going to take this as slow as he likes and there is nothing she can do to make him hurt her.

The slow burn simmering in her abdomen now is strange, nothing like the explosive heat that has always been between them. It still makes her feel just as desperate for him and she rolls her hips against him, moaning when his erection slips between her legs and presses against her hot core.

"Please," she begs, and he nibbles at her ear, groping blindly around the bedside table until he

finds the condoms stashed there. She helps him roll it on and he takes her hand, brushing his lips softly over her knuckles. He sinks into her with a soft sigh, pressing his forehead to hers. Alex lifts her leg to wrap around his narrow hips and gasps quietly, so full of him it aches.

"You feel so good," he breathes. "So perfect."

He looks at her like he'll never see her again and she remembers his words when he'd kissed her.

Just once.

It's the last time, and she suddenly understands why he's so adamant about not just shagging her senseless. As he gazes into her eyes with such tenderness it scares the hell out of her, she knows that he isn't fucking her – he's making love to her, the way she never allowed him to before.

Tears spring to her eyes again, hot and blurring her vision as they spill over and slide into her hair. Horrified, she shakes her head vehemently, scratching her nails down his back and rolling her hips hard against his thrusts. "Stop it," she hisses tearfully. "Stop being nice and fuck me, damn it."

He shushes her softly, eyes full of understanding that just makes her struggle more against the gentle rocking of his hips and the stroke of his fingers over her cheek. She sobs, thrashing beneath him and biting at his jaw, his shoulder, his throat – but Matt is stubborn too, kissing away the tears on her cheeks, combating her scratches with caresses, until she's weak and exhausted, the pleasure taking over and forcing her to stop fighting him and pull him closer instead.

Every thrust of his hips makes her cry out and Matt reaches between them to slick his fingers over her swollen clit. Every line of his face tells her how difficult it is to hold himself back, his hair falling into his eyes as he moves, and Alex reaches up with trembling fingers to brush it back from his forehead. She traces her fingertips over his nose and lips, those prominent cheekbones, until that slowly ignited heat bursts within her and her cunt swells and tightens.

"Oh god," she whispers, and he buries his face in her neck, every thrust of his hips more erratic than the last as he nears completion. "Darling, god, yes -" The climax that washes over her is as gentle and soft as a tide of warm water pulling her under, cleansing all wounds and healing all hurts. Her sex pulses and throbs around him and she cries out, tears burning her eyes as pleasure leaves her heavy-limbed and sated in his arms.

Matt thrusts once, twice more, his voice muffled against her shoulder as he cries out, "Alex, love, I -" She stops him with her mouth, pulling his head to hers and kissing him softly as he comes,

clinging to her like he'll never let go. Collapsing against her chest, he pants harshly into her hair and Alex slides her hands over his sweat-slicked back, cradling him between her thighs. She feels cracked open and raw, and she wants to hate him for making her this way but it's nearly impossible to hate a man who seems to love her so much.

She'd thought he was mistaken, blinded by hormones and the rush of sexual experimentation but this had been different. There had been no frenzied lust or anger, no lesson to be taught, no new position or toy to try. It had been just Matt and Alex, and everything lying unspoken between them. And he'd still looked at her like he'd never seen anything so wondrous. It changes everything and she knows it, even if Matt doesn't. It's what she has been so afraid of all this time

– the inability to walk away – but now that it's happened, it doesn't seem quite so terrifying. It feels new and fragile and oh god, she wants it. It might not work, it might crumble under the touch of her inexpert hands but she wants to try.

Breath caught, Matt presses one last gentle kiss to her cheek and pulls out, leaving her empty and panicked. He disposes of the condom and begins to pull on his pants and trousers in the dark, and she knows he intends to leave without another word, just as he'd promised. His movements are slow and heavy, weighted with all the things he's forcing himself not to say. He has wanted to try for months and every single time, she has pushed him away. If this ache in her chest, this desperate longing, is the same thing he felt every time he looked at her, she suddenly understands why he'd chosen to leave instead of continue to bear it.

She would rather feel nothing than feel this.

He pulls his shirt over his head and picks up his shoes, heading for the door. Alex panics, clutching the sheet to her chest as she leaps forward to the foot of the mattress, choking out, "Matt, wait."

He freezes, his hand on the door, and asks without looking back at her, "What is it, Alex?"

She swallows and hates the tremble in her voice as she replies, "I'm not good at this. I wreck every relationship I'm in – either by not being enough or being too much." She sniffles. "I can be thoughtless and selfish and insecure. I can't cook worth a damn and I hog the covers in my sleep."

Matt slowly turns to stare at her and in the dim light of the bedroom; she can just make out the tears shining in his eyes.

"My daughter is always going to be my first priority and I can't guarantee that I won't get scared and try to run." She wipes at her cheeks and offers him her bruised and battered heart on a silver platter. "But if you think you can deal with all that – if you still want me – then I'd like to try."

He swallows audibly and after a tense moment, he drops his shoes and stumbles from the door, dropping to his knees at the foot of the bed. Gaping at her with tentative hope, as if convinced she will snatch away his happiness any moment, he asks, "Do you mean it?"

Pursing her lips and blinking away tears, Alex nods. "I do."

The beaming smile he gives her just before he gathers her into his arms and kisses her desperately is enough to stop the trembling of her hands. She clings to him and hopes she hasn't just made a very stupid mistake.

so if you wanna take chances, take a chance on me

Chapter Summary

He takes her for sushi on their first date, at this tiny little place ten miles outside of Cardiff. He keeps reaching for her hand or her thigh on the drive there, as if he can't stop touching her.

Chapter Notes

Chapter title from Take Me Out by Atomic Tom.

He takes her for sushi on their first date, at this tiny little place ten miles outside of Cardiff. He keeps reaching for her hand or her thigh on the drive there, as if he can't stop touching her. Giddy as he opens her car door for her, he helps her out and winds an arm instantly around her waist. "I'm not being terribly pushy, am I?" He murmurs in her ear, and she shivers. "Because you can always tell me to bugger off and stop touching you."

"But I don't want you to stop touching me," she says, and tilts her head up to press her lips to his jaw.

Beaming, he tugs at the sheer scarf wrapped around her head like a 1950's movie star – her best attempt to hide her curls without looking too obvious. He'd laughed when he saw her and told her she might as well announce to everyone she's in disguise but she's pretty sure he's just being petulant. It's no secret between them that he has a slight obsession with her hair.

Swatting his hand away, she clasps it in hers and walks with him into the restaurant, heart pounding as she very bravely resists the urge to turn tail and run. She can do this – a real date in public with her much younger costar. She can. Remembering the ache in her chest when she thought it was well and truly over, and the look of heartbreaking delight on his face when she agreed to this, Alex squares her shoulders and lets him guide her to the front desk.

Doodling on the reservation list and chewing on a piece of bubblegum with enthusiasm, the hostess doesn't even look up as they approach. "Name?"

"Smith."

Alex glances at him questioningly and he shrugs. "Not exactly uncommon," he mutters.

"Hiding in plain sight?" She smirks and he taps her nose.

She blinks at him and glances away, feeling strangely warm and pleased.

The hostess leads them to a secluded table in the back and Matt actually pulls out her chair for her. "You know you don't have to go overboard. You're still getting shagged tonight."

He flushes and tugs at his shirt collar as he settles into the seat across from her. "First of all, I'm not going overboard. I'm just that gentlemanly."

She rolls her eyes.

"And second of all, there's something I want to talk to you about."

She raises an eyebrow and ignores the way her stomach tightens. "Uh oh. Already?"

"Not like that," he says, and fiddles with the tablecloth anxiously. "I think that maybe, until we can figure things out -" At her look of disbelief, he sighs. "Alright, you. Until you can figure things out because I already know exactly what I want and that isn't changing. I think we should stop."

She blinks at him. "Stop?"

"Having sex." Cheeks pink, he stares at his hands clenched in the tablecloth and then huffs, letting go and smoothing it out before scratching self-consciously at his cheek.

After a stunned moment of silence, Alex clears her throat. "Let me see if I understand this. You want to take me out, treat me like a bloody queen and get to know me, but you don't want to have sex with me?"

"Just for now," he says, eyes wide and pleading. "Believe me, Kingston, it's not exactly going to be easy for me either. But I think it might help, y'know, if we're not distracted. I want this to work."

Speechless, she watches him fiddle nervously with his shirt cuff and avoid her eyes, looking vulnerable and hopeful and god, she hasn't wanted to hug him this much since the moment she met him. She's going backwards, it seems, starting at the beginning and doing this right – the way she should've done all along, if she hadn't been so bloody terrified. "I don't think I've ever met a man like you, Matthew Smith."

"Well that's good, right?" He asks, glancing up and then looking away again.

"Maybe," she says, eyes lingering for a long moment on his exposed collarbones and mourning this sudden inability to lick them like she'd been hoping she could at the end of the night. Taking a deep breath, she nods once. "Okay."

Matt glances up at her in surprise. "Really?"

She nods. "You're right. Sex… it complicates things, darling. And I suppose things are complicated enough for now." He almost sags in his seat with relief and Alex bites her lip against a smile, reaching across the table to stroke her fingers over his. "I can still touch you, right?"

He turns his hand over and laces their fingers together. "I don't think I could stop touching you if my life depended on it."

After their initially awkward beginning, it's surprisingly easy to be with Matt like this; with all their clothes on and neither of them trying to pretend what they feel is meaningless. It leaves her more vulnerable, which is daunting, but she isn't the only one left bare. They spend dinner feeding each other sushi rolls and playing footsy under the table but her favorite part is after dinner, when Matt drives them back to Cardiff and parks at their flats only to take her hand and lead her on a walk through the mostly deserted city in the middle of the night.

This is when they talk; really talk, for the first time she can remember. Matt tells her about how he used to play football, and about growing up with his overbearing but well-meaning sister, and Alex talks about her family in Surrey and her little girl. She learns that he hates reading anything by Faulkner and that he loves rap music, and in return, she confesses that she cries every time she watches Fried Green Tomatoes and that Hey Jude is the only song in the world to give her strength when she needs it.

It's the best date she's ever had.

It's three in the morning before they make it back to their block of flats with aching feet and tired smiles, their arms linked together. Lingering in the doorway of her flat, Alex fiddles with the buttons of his shirt and wishes she hadn't agreed to their new rule after all. "How about kissing?" She asks softly, eyes on his mouth.

Matt swallows. "Yeah, kissing is -" He clears his throat. "Kissing is good."

Leaning up on her tiptoes, she presses her mouth to his, wondering if he understands how terrified and happy and sheer bloody hopeful she feels in his presence. He slides his hands over her back and cradles her to his chest, sucking her bottom lip into his mouth with a groan.

"Come inside," she breathes, curling her hands into his shirt.

"Alex -"

She shakes her head. "We don't have to… I just want you near."

He looks at her like she'd offered him the moon and she remembers suddenly every single time she fucked him and left, like he meant nothing. Smiling tentatively, he nods and holds her close. "I'd like that."

When he wakes in the morning, Alex is there.

He doesn't even need to open his eyes to know it – he can feel the warm weight of her pressed against his side, her hair tickling under his chin and the scent of her perfume in the air. After last night, they had fallen into her bed still dressed and kissed with unhurried, sleepy languor until they'd fallen asleep, curled around each other. Sleeping next to Alex had been just about as wonderful as he'd hoped – the only thing that could have made it better was a substantial lack of clothing but they'll get there. He's determined to be patient.

Still half asleep and grinning widely, Matt tightens his hold around her waist and turns his face, burying it in her curls. She stirs, instinctively tensing in his arms before she remembers where she is and who she's with and he feels the moment she relaxes again, curling into him with a sleepy sigh.

"Good morning," he says, pressing his lips to the top of her head. Alex mumbles something in reply and he grins. "Not a morning person then."

She burrows her head beneath the blankets and from under the mound now tucked into his side, he hears one word. "Tea."

Rolling his eyes, he wraps his arms around the small bundle next to him and presses a kiss to what he is fairly sure is her cheek. "Back in a mo'."

"Best."

"I know I am." He drags himself out of bed and scrubs a hand over his face as he pads from the room and into the kitchen to boil water. Once he manages to coax Alex out of bed to the kitchen table, he even manages to make her smile before nine am by offering her a chocolate muffin for breakfast.

Snatching it from his hand like it might disappear if she doesn't take it, she curls up on her chair at the table and rips open the wrapper. "Where did you get this? My kitchen is sadly lacking so it certainly isn't from mine."

"Nicked it from Kazza's flat," he says, pushing a mug of tea in her direction and trying not to smile at her sleep-rumpled hair and clothes, and that adorable crease from her pillow on her cheek. Tetchy though she may be, he adores Morning Alex as much as he adores her fully awake and coherent.

"You're perfect." She sighs; popping a piece of her breakfast into her mouth and making a noise so pleasurable it makes him a bit jealous. "Be careful, darling, or I might decide to keep you."

He ducks his head. "That's the plan."

She freezes, mouth full as she stares at him. "Right. Sorry." She swallows. "I forgot."

Shrugging, he glances up at her with a small smile. "It's fine. Taking me seriously will take some getting used to."

"Darling -"

"You're picking up Salome at the airport today, right?" He interrupts, because he does understand that Alex is going to need to adjust to this new aspect of their relationship, but that doesn't make talking about it easy. "I can't wait to meet her."

Alex nods, sipping at her tea and eyeing him guiltily. "I'm going to take her out for lunch when she gets here. And tell her about you."

He looks at her in surprise. "Really? I mean, we haven't -"

"I know," she says, shrugging. "But she can handle me dating. Her father already is."

Neither of them mentions it but they both know it's a much bigger deal than Alex is making it out to be. Her willingness to be honest with her daughter about him means a lot – it means she wants this to work too. It means she has faith that it might.

When she finishes her breakfast, she kisses him for his trouble and shoves him out of her flat. "I could help you get ready," he pouts, standing in the hallway.

"And then I would be very late," she laughs. "And we would be breaking your new rule."

"Oh sure, now you like rules," he scowls, and she blows him a kiss before shutting the door in his face.

He waits anxiously all afternoon, wishing he had filming to keep him occupied because right now all he can do is pace in his flat and worry that Alex had been wrong and Salome is very much not okay with her mother dating. Or maybe she'll be fine with it until she meets Matt, who she deems entirely unacceptable and hates him on sight. When he can't stand waiting any more, he invades Kazza's flat as a distraction and finds her sitting with Arthur on the sofa and watching Jeremy Kyle. He squeezes in between them, props his feet up on the coffee table and sighs.

Arthur elbows him and frowns. "Yes, please grace us with your ever jovial presence."

"Shove off, Darvill." Matt elbows him back. "And blimey, Jeremy Kyle, really? Why don't you just turn the telly off and stare at each other instead? You'll get about as much entertainment."

"Oi," Karen reaches over and smacks him on the back of the head. "You can't just barge into my flat and mock my telly choices! Who shoved a stick up your skinny arse today, anyway?"

Eyeing him curiously, Arthur says, "You've been odd for days. What's the problem, mate? Need to get laid?"

"The exact opposite actually."

"That is rubbish."

Giving Arthur a look, Karen pats Matt on the shoulder and says, "Alright, stupid face. The therapist is in – spill your guts."

He nicks the remote from her lap and begins flicking through the admittedly few channels. "There's nothing to spill."

"So you're just here to let us bask in your very zen aura?" She looks pointedly at his white-knuckled grip on the remote. "Come on. You know you want to talk or you wouldn't be here."

"I'm here because I don't want to talk."

"Ah hah!" Karen prods at him with one long, red-painted nail. "So you are avoiding something."

Arthur groans and scrubs a hand through his hair. "For the love of god, mate, just tell her so she'll stop."

Very much regretting coming here at all, Matt sighs. "It's nothing. I'm just waiting around for Alex to get back – she went to pick up Salome from the airport."

Karen frowns. "Why is that making you jumpy and grouchy?"

He shrugs and mumbles his reply.

She cups her hand around her ear and leans forward. "What was that?"

"I'm worried she won't like me," he huffs.

Giggling, she pats him on the shoulder. "Why wouldn't she like you? And more significantly, why the hell is it so important to you?"

Without a reply that won't give him away, Matt stares at his lap and blushes.

Arthur snorts and Karen gasps in realization. "So there was a specific curvy blonde!" She smacks his arm and he flinches away from her. "You lying arsehole!"

"It's still new all right?" He snaps, swatting her away and glowering at Arthur. "Don't ruin it. Your manic enthusiasm will do nothing to help my case."

"Are you kidding me? She's Alex Kingston." Arthur smirks. "She's way too good for you. If you don't ruin it, nothing Kaz says will."

"Yes, thank you, that's exactly what I need to hear right now." Matt scowls at him and presses buttons on the remote viciously.

Nearly bouncing in her seat, Karen says, "I can't believe you weren't going to tell us! How long has this been going on? Does Moffat know?"

"No one knows," he snaps. "And as for how long it's been going on, that's none of your business."

Karen hums thoughtfully. "So since the beginning then?"

He splutters but doesn't get the chance to reply before his mobile buzzes in his pocket. Jumping from the sofa and tossing the remote to Arthur, he digs it out of his trouser pocket and checks his messages. There's a text from Alex: My flat. Five minutes.

Matt glances up at his friends, wide-eyed. "How do I look?"

"Like an idiot," is Karen's immediate reply. "But most kids like clowns so you never know."

"Hate you," he says, stalking toward the door. "So much."

Salome turns out to be just as scary as he'd expected, but not quite in the way he'd expected. She's a very friendly child, not shy at all, and thankfully doesn't seem to harbor any resentment toward him. Within fifteen minutes of meeting her, Matt has heard all about her plane ride – including what the in-flight movie had been and what sort of snacks had been offered – and what she and her mother had done after she arrived.

"She didn't tell me about you until she got us ice cream," she says, in the middle of showing Matt her collection of Wii games she'd brought with her. "I think she was just scared. Which is silly because I already like you better than my daddy's new girlfriend. I don't think it matters that you're younger my mum, do you?"

A little overwhelmed because it's the first time Salome has paused since she met him, Matt fumbles for a reply. "Well some people might think so, but I don't."

"Do you like kids?"

"Usually," he says. "But especially if they're small, curly-haired and the offspring of my… Alex."

Salome rolls her eyes and squirms away with a giggle when he pokes her playfully in the side. "Mum said you were oddly charming."

He snorts. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"I'm pretty sure she meant it as one." She purses her lips and eyes him in a very unnerving manner. "Are you really serious about my mum? Or do you just like to snog her?"

Matt chokes. "How old are you?"

"Nine."

"Aren't you a little young to be thinking about things like that?"

"Not really." She shrugs. "And aren't you avoiding the question?"

He sighs and drags a hand through his hair. "Erm. Both."

After a moment, Salome beams. "Fair enough." She drops Dance Dance Revolution in his lap. "Want to play?"

"Well…" He glances around the empty room nervously. Alex had left them to make a phone call but Matt is pretty sure she's just standing outside the door giggling to herself as he bumbles through unfamiliar territory. "Sure. Why not?"

After his initial grilling, they get along swimmingly and when Alex finally walks back into the flat, Salome is trying to teach him the correct way to dance to Rasputin. Alex pauses in the doorway, smirking. "Getting along, then?"

Matt glances at Salome. "Break?"

She nods. "Okay. I need to unpack anyway."

"I'll practice later, alright?" He ruffles her hair and she grins before disappearing into her room and shutting the door behind her.

Standing in the doorway, hands behind her back, Alex looks uncharacteristically nervous. "So how did it go?"

He slips his arms around her waist and gives her a pointed look. "You could have warned me I would be interrogated by a scarily proficient nine year old."

Giggling, she leans in and presses her lips to the corner of his mouth. "Now what would have been the fun in that?"

"Good to know your love of torturing me extends to outside the bedroom as well," he grumbles, and she scratches under his chin with her nails. "I like her though. She's…brilliant."

Alex brightens. "Really?"

He nods. "Should have expected no less – she is yours, after all."

"Very true." She allows him to kiss her softly. "She likes you too. I can tell. But then I should have known. She is mine."

He's trying so hard.

He makes her and Salome dinner at the end of a long day on set, he plays with Salome in between takes to keep her from getting too bored, he brings her flowers for no reason at all, kisses her cheek like that simple touch means more to him than anything else. He's doing his best to show her that he can be more than just a good shag and she can't remember the last time a man paid so much attention to her.

It absolutely terrifies her. And what's worse, she no longer has sex to hide behind, as a way to distract him from looking at her like she's everything. Around him, she feels vulnerable all the time. But she supposes that's the point. She needs to figure out what she wants and not keep Matt dangling on a string, waiting for her to tell him what he wants to hear. It isn't fair to him.

But it's hard to concentrate on love when her mind constantly whispers to her how lovely that bowtie would look wrapped around his wrists, or reminds her of how sexy he sounds when he begs. It's increasingly frustrating trying to keep her hands off him and the fact that her frustrations have started to take the form of rather vivid sex dreams isn't helping. More often than not, she wakes up with her thighs drenched and her moans muffled in her pillow.

When they're alone together, she tries to cross that invisible line between them, pushing just to see how far Matt will let her go. So far, he has always been able to think clearly enough to push her away before they go too far. He takes her hands gently in his and shakes his head through the heady rush of lust she knows he must be feeling just as keenly as she is.

Yesterday, he had been helping her fold laundry in the middle of her living room when she'd reached for him, drawing him to her for a hungry kiss. God, something about him holding her knickers like that had made her come completely undone. He'd groaned into her mouth and let her pull him down onto the floor with her. She'd really thought he'd finally reached his breaking point until the moment she slid her hand beneath his t-shirt and caressed his bare skin. He'd jumped away from her immediately, leaping to his feet and pacing away from her, breathing hard.

"You're not ready," he'd said, voice full of conviction.

She'd wanted to disagree, tell him she'd made up her mind. But it would have been a lie and they both knew it. It's good for them to keep their physical distance right now and she knows it, she knows she needs the time to think clearly and she's grateful that Matt has kept her from breaking the boundaries they've set. But she can see his resolve crumbling with her every advance. Soon enough, he won't have the strength to stop her, and she isn't sure she'll be able to stop herself.

Mentally patting herself on the back for making it through another day without jumping him, Alex tucks Salome into bed and retreats to her own room, shrugging out of her clothes and slipping into a tiny nightie, relishing the silken feel of it against her bare skin. It makes her feel sexy and desired, and she plans to fall into bed imagining Matt stripping it off her. With a little moan of unsatisfied desire, she crawls into bed and is just about to retreat into the erotic fantasies keeping her sane during this horrible drought when she hears from down the hall, "Mum? Where's my iPod?"

Eyes flying open, Alex groans in protest and calls out, "I don't know, honey. Where did you leave it last?" She slips from bed and opens her bedroom door, leaning out into the hallway to hear Salome's reply.

"Maybe it's still at Matty's place," she says. "He was putting music on it earlier cause he said mine was rubbish. Could you check for me?"

She sighs, leaning against the doorframe. "Salome, it's late. Can't you just get it tomorrow?"

"You know I can't sleep without listening to it, Mum," Salome says, voice deliberately patient, as if Alex is particularly dense.

Biting her tongue, Alex glances forlornly back at her warm bed. "I'll go fetch it then, shall I?"

"Love you!"

"You'd better," she grumbles, and traipses down the hall, out of her flat and to Matt's. She tugs at the indecent hem of her nightie, shivering at the slide of silk against her pebbled nipples, and resolves to be quick about this. At least she'll get another glimpse of Matt before bed to fuel her fantasies. Without bothering to knock, she walks inside and into his living room, peeking beneath sofa cushions and the magazines cluttering the coffee table as she calls out, "Don't mind me, darling, just checking for -"

She doesn't get to finish her sentence before strong hands grip her by the hips and haul her against the nearest wall. She manages a squeak of protest before warm, eager lips cover hers and drown out all other objections. One hand cradles her jaw while long fingers of the other trail up and down over her nightgown greedily, pausing to caress her waist or cup the weight of a breast. She sighs quietly into his mouth and wraps her arms around his neck, giving in without thought.

Matt's tongue sweeps through her mouth viciously and when she tries to take control, he nips at her lip for her trouble. Scratching her nails through the soft hair at the back of his head, she tilts her own head back and lets him trail his hot mouth over her throat, licking and sucking hungrily.

"Matt, what -"

"Jesus Christ," he rasps, and slips his hand beneath her nightgown. "You've been driving me mad for weeks and then you walk in here wearing this and you expect me to be a good boy and keep my hands to myself?" She moans, lifting her hips as he drags her silky nightgown up her thighs and cups her through her knickers. "Does it turn you on, teasing me like this?"

"W-wasn't trying to tease you," she manages, chest heaving already.

"Could have fooled me," he says roughly. "Your knickers are soaked, Kingston. You're teasing me and you're enjoying it."

Shaking her head, she licks her lips and struggles to form a reply as he rubs his thumb over her clit. "Not teasing you," she breathes. "N-not right now, anyway. I've been this wet all day, darling. For weeks. You make me so wet -"

He growls and covers her mouth with his own, kissing her hard as his fingers slip inside her knickers and into her sex. He slides inside her so easily she barely feels it until he adds another finger, and then another, pumping them steadily. She cries out, wrapping her leg around his waist to give him room to maneuver. God, her vibrator is nothing compared to feeling him inside her – even just his fingers is more satisfying than her rabbit's highest setting.

Her head lolls back against the wall and she sighs, "I've been – fuck – thinking about this every night for weeks – god -" He groans in reply, swirling his hot tongue over the shell of her ear and twisting those clever fingers inside her, his erection grinding into her thigh.

She realizes suddenly that she has found his breaking point without even trying. This is what she has been waiting for, for him to finally get so tired of resisting that he'll not only willingly cross that line with her, but carry her over it gladly. But she'd promised – until she made up her mind, they wouldn't sleep together. It only hurt them both. Her mind isn't made up. And surprisingly, she finds that she isn't as willing as she'd thought to break a promise to him just for a few very gratifying minutes.

Pushing weakly at his chest, she gasps out, "No, stop. Matt, we have to stop -"

As if someone had thrown a cold bucket of water on him, Matt disentangles himself from her and stumbles back, breathing hard as he stares at her, flushed and slumped against the wall, her nightgown bunched around her hips. Her arousal glistens on his fingers and the air already smells of sex.

Mouth dry, Alex tears her eyes away from the bulge in his trousers and says shakily, "I-I just came to look for Salome's iPod."

Matt runs a trembling hand through his hair and inhales deeply, eyes shut. "Right," he says, voice low enough to make her bite her lip against a whimper. "It's on the table."

He doesn't move to get it for her and she knows being close enough to hand it to her would

probably result in something they'd both regret. Smoothing out her nightgown, Alex nods her thanks and walks quickly to retrieve her daughter's iPod, her heart still thudding in her chest.

"See you tomorrow then," she mumbles, and turns to flee.

"Alex," he says, and she stops, turning to face him but staring at his shoes instead.

No eye contact. He'll pull her in with those bloody eyes of his.

"Thank you," he says softly. "For stopping us, I mean. I lost it and -"

"It's alright, darling," she says, and damn it all, she risks a glance at him and sees him watching her obvious gratitude and disappointment warring on his face. "You were right. This is good for us."

He smiles weakly.

"Now if you'll excuse me," she smirks. "I've got a date with a rabbit I can't miss."

His eyes darken instantly. "You really do love torturing me, don't you?"

"It's almost as fun as the riding crop," she winks and walks out the door. Her whole body still aches for his touch but her promise is still intact, and despite her initial misgivings, she finds herself incredibly grateful for that.

She's glad that she has found someone who seems to love spending time with her rather precocious daughter. Really, she is. But she would be a lot happier if the two of them didn't sneak in a pack of colorful chalk and park themselves in the middle of the studio to draw on the floor and make crewmembers step around them to work.

She follows Karen and Arthur outside to chat with them during their smoke break and when she

comes back in, Matt is sitting on his tweed coat, his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows and hair falling into his eyes as he sketches something on the floor with green chalk. Salome sits next to him, gesturing widely and seemingly directing him.

A crewmember with an armful of costume changes for Arthur and Karen nearly trips over Matt's hand and Matt apologizes profusely without looking up, tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth as he concentrates. Sighing, Alex gathers her patience and approaches them with her best What The Hell Are You Doing face.

Glancing up at her approach, Matt counters with his I'm Totally Innocent And Adorable face, which is only enhanced by the smudge of blue chalk on his cheek. "Kingston, look what we made!"

She surveys the vast landscape they've managed to create in the time she has been gone - a tiny town complete with buildings and people, who are apparently being attacked by some tentacled alien race. Matt seems to be in the middle of drawing the Doctor saving them all, sonic screwdriver included. "Impressive," she admits, softening a bit when Salome beams. "But why are you drawing in the middle of the floor and in everyone's way?"

"We couldn't draw outside, Mom," Salome reasons. "It's going to rain tomorrow and all our work would wash away."

"This can't stay forever either." She sighs. "Why don't you fetch my phone from my bag and we can take pictures, alright?"

Salome glances at Matt, who shrugs and nods sagely. "Okay." She climbs to her feet. "Don't draw anything else without me, Matty!"

He salutes as she scurries off and Alex stares down at him in amusement, tapping her foot. Looking properly chastised, he bites his lip. "She mentioned she liked drawing. I just want to spend more time with her."

As a cameraman carefully tiptoes across the vast chalk drawing so as not to smudge it, Alex shakes her head. "I understand that, darling. And I love that you want to get to know her, but maybe you should consider spending time with her somewhere else."

"That would be nice," he agrees. "But we're constantly on set and when we're not, we're too exhausted to do anything else. I'm working with what I've got, Kingston."

She loves it when he calls her that. And she really, really wants to kiss that chalk smudge on his cheek.

Clearing her throat, she pushes away thoughts of what she can't have right now – not in front of everyone on set, at least. "Well tomorrow we don't have to be on set until nine. If you can manage to get your lazy arse out of bed in time, you'll have a few hours to spend with her then."

Matt brightens instantly. "Oh, we could have breakfast together!"

"Sure." She nods, eyes lingering on his lean forearms, muscled and slender and –

"Brilliant," he grins at her. "Don't worry about anything. I'll take care of it."

His enthusiasm makes her a little nervous but she doesn't understand why until he knocks on her door at six in the morning, carrying a basket laden with food as he says, "I promised Salome a beach picnic."

Leaning tiredly against the doorframe, Alex stares at him. "You hate me, don't you?"

He puckers his lips and presses a noisy, smacking kiss to her cheek. "Quite the opposite."

She glares at him.

Waving his basket in front of her face, he sing-songs, "I have chocolate muffins."

Half an hour later, they're sitting on a blanket in the sand at Cardiff Bay. Matt and Salome are chattering away as if it's three in the afternoon instead of this ungodly hour and Alex cradles the thermos of tea he'd handed her to her chest and watches them balefully.

"Okay, okay favorite book."

Matt squints. "Erm… Cat's Cradle. Or 1984. Or On The Road."

"I like Harry Potter."

Reaching out with the hand that isn't popping orange slices into his mouth, Matt traces his fingers over Alex's knuckles and she allows herself to be soothed by the touch and the sound of the water nearby. "Which one?"

"Prisoner of Azkaban."

"A lovely choice," he agrees, winking at Alex. "Favorite ice cream flavor?"

"Strawberry."

"Chocolate." He holds up a hand. "No, wait. Rocky Road. Or cookie dough." Salome gives him a look and he pouts. "I can't choose. Don't make me."

Salome giggles. "You're not very good at this game."

"Oi, I may be indecisive, Salome Violetta but I can still build a sandcastle better than you."

Scrambling for her bucket and shovel with a laugh, she says, "You wish!"

Smirking, Matt leans over to slide an orange slice into Alex's waiting mouth before kissing her cheek and leaping to his feet to join her. Shaking her head at them, Alex continues to sip at her tea, munch on the breakfast Matt had prepared for them and flip through the magazine she'd packed, all the while listening to the two of them bickering good-naturedly.

She glances up occasionally to see them busily at work and covered in sand, smiles on their faces. Christ, he is perfect with her child and it pushes her just a little closer to making a decision just watching him. Matt talks to Salome like she's her own person, like her opinion matters to him and she can tell that he genuinely likes her, not just because she's Alex's daughter.

She wonders if maybe he would like kids of his own someday, considering how bloody amazing he is with hers. She can't give him that but after her highly publicized separation from her husband, everyone knows that, including him. If it were important to him, she knows he wouldn't be pursuing her like a sodding bloodhound. He knows what he's getting into with her, and strangely enough, he isn't running in the other direction.

"I know what you're thinking."

Startled, she glances up from her magazine to see Matt sitting next to her on the blanket, covered in sand. "I thought you were building a sandcastle?"

He snorts derisively. "I was. But it turns out your daughter is just as insanely competent at that as she is at everything else."

Glancing down the beach, Alex spies Matt's lopsided, sad little sand castle next to the elaborate looking one Salome is currently decorating with pebbles. Smirking proudly, she asks, "Kicked your arse, did she?"

He drops his head to her shoulder, showering her with sand as he bemoans, "She makes me feel dreadfully inadequate."

A family trait, she thinks guiltily.

He presses his lips to her neck. "You're avoiding me."

"What?"

"I said I know what you're thinking."

Turning her head, she raises a skeptical eyebrow. "Oh? And what am I thinking, Mr. Smith?"

"Besides contemplating all the ways you'd like to ravish me, you're also thinking I'm going to lose interest in you. Which is daft."

She sighs and gazes at her daughter, playing in the sand. "Darling, you can't even stay faithful to an ice cream flavor."

Lifting his head from her shoulder, he frowns. "That's hardly the same thing, Kingston. You're not a bloody ice cream flavor or a book, you're you. And I'll never get tired of that. Ever."

Skeptical, she says nothing.

He sighs, pressing his forehead against her temple as he whispers, "Please don't run away."

She turns her head, burying her nose in his t-shirt and breathing him in. He wraps an arm around her shoulders and pulls her into his side, pressing a kiss to the top of her head when she curls into him. "I'm trying," she finally promises.

and three words on the tip of my tongue

Chapter Summary

Alex had been a rather fantastic teacher and he'd been an eager pupil, and he only hopes that at the end of the day, she can say the same now their roles have been reversed.

Chapter Notes

Chapter title from Patient Love by Passenger.

The student, it seems, has become the teacher – only, he isn't teaching her quite the same things she'd taught him. He's teaching her that sex isn't the only thing he has to offer just because he's younger than her. He's teaching her what it feels like to be cherished. Alex had been a rather fantastic teacher and he'd been an eager pupil, and he only hopes that at the end of the day, she can say the same now their roles have been reversed.

When he walks into her flat just before dinner, he finds her in the kitchen perusing takeout menus. He slips his arms around her from behind and she stiffens instinctively before he holds an azalea in front of her nose. She makes a quiet noise of surprise and turns in his arms to smile at him, bright and truly pleased with the simple gesture. It's little things like her reaction to a single flower that makes him realize why it's so difficult for her to accept that he loves her and he doesn't plan on going anywhere. He's determined to get her so used to flowers and cuddles and soft words in her ear that anything else is a surprise, rather than the other way around. He wants her to be used to being romanced because he doesn't ever plan to stop.

"For me?"

"No, it's for this fantastic woman I'm a bit in love with. Think she'll like it?"

She rolls her eyes, touching the soft orange petals with the tips of her fingers. "What's the occasion?"

"Who says there has to be an occasion?" He plucks it from her hand and tucks it behind her ear. "I just thought it would look lovely on you." He beams. "And look at that, I was right."

Alex wrinkles her nose and touches the flower nearly swallowed by her hair. "Are you sure you don't want anything?"

"Well…" He pretends to think for a moment. "I'd quite like a kiss but you don't have to if you -"

She cuts off the rest of his words by tugging on his shirt and hauling him into her, kissing him with startling ferocity. He melts into her curves, hand inching up into her hair and feeling soft flower petals against his fingers as he opens his mouth and tastes the wonderful familiarity that is Alex. She hums softly against his lips, pushing him slowly until his back hits the counter behind him.

His hands settle on her waist and he struggles not to react as she presses herself against him. Even now, despite all the passion in her kiss, he can sense her holding herself back, doing her best to keep her promise to him. Dangerously close to forgetting all about that promise himself as she kisses him into a fuzzy state of unreality, Matt tears his mouth from hers gently and shakes his head, breathing ragged.

Cheeks flushed and lips swollen, Alex doesn't try to kiss him again, but she doesn't move away, keeping all those glorious curves pressed into him and making it very difficult to concentrate on anything else. "All that for a flower?" He asks shakily.

She smirks. "I like flowers."

He clears his throat. "Duly noted."

"Want to do something else nice for me?" She asks, using that low, sexy tone of voice that makes him shiver as she traces her fingers over his jaw.

He nods wordlessly, transfixed.

She turns from him, grabs something from the counter and pushes it into his hands. He glances down at it and frowns. A Chinese takeout menu?

"Order for me while I force Salome to take a shower?"

He gapes.

"Or, if you want to forget about your promise, we could make Salome order the food and you can force me into the shower."

Her smile is absolutely wicked as she looks up at him, as if she knows damn well neither of them will give in quite so easily.

He glowers at her. "You're a very cruel woman."

"You like it."

"Just be aware that you are definitely missing out. My hair-washing skills are immense."

"So are a lot of things about you," she whispers, leaning in perilously close once more and kissing him quickly, just managing to escape from his grasp with a smirk. She leaves him there, takeout menu in hand, half-hard and left wanting.

"Just like old times," he mutters, and reaches for the phone.

Matt doesn't like routine. It's part of what makes working on Doctor Who so much fun – he wakes up every day with something different to do, some new stunt to perform, new lines to learn. He likes a little variety in his days. But lately, he's gotten into the habit of telling Salome goodnight before bed and kissing Alex at the end of his day and he finds that it's a routine he doesn't mind in the slightest.

He slips into Alex's flat around ten and finds the living room dark, with only the glow of the telly to illuminate it. Squinting, he spots Alex curled up on the sofa and smiles, walking toward her and tripping only once in the darkness – definitely a miracle. Half expecting some sort of seduction routine he won't have the strength nor the willpower to resist, he perches on the edge of the sofa, surprised when he sees her staring mindlessly at the television.

He peers at her cautiously. "What are you doing, sweetheart?"

She turns dull eyes to him and whispers, "Just a migraine."

He sighs and brushes the hair from her forehead. "Well watching tv in the dark isn't going to help." Reaching for the remote on the coffee table, he switches it off, plunging them into darkness. "Budge over." Alex sits up and allows him to slip in behind her and pull her back against his chest, wrapping his arms around her. "Salome already in bed or should I tuck her in?"

He feels her nod against his chest.

"Did you take some aspirin?"

Another nod.

"Is it a really bad one?"

She whimpers quietly.

He tightens his arms around her and presses a kiss to her temple. "Too much stress and not enough sleep, Kingston."

"Not enough sex either," she mumbles.

He snorts. "This isn't some new and bizarre attempt to seduce me, is it?"

"Would it work?"

"No."

Well, probably not.

She makes another quiet noise of pain and he knows despite her light-hearted attempt to flirt, she isn't faking anything. Stroking his fingers through her hair gently, he says softly, "Close your eyes then. Just relax. I've got you."

Her fingers curl into the sleeve of his jumper and she turns her face into his chest, nuzzling into him like a cat. The amount of trust she's showing him right now is staggering and his arms tighten around her.

Heart so full he almost can't stand it, Matt holds her until she falls asleep, whispering all the while, "I've got you."

"Matty, do you know how to dance?"

Without glancing up from his script pages, he says, "Course I do. Why do you ask?"

"No reason."

Not quite believing her but allowing her to ruminate for a bit longer, Matt turns his attention back to the words on the page and mutters to himself about Steven deliberately trying to trip him up. Not even two minutes pass before she speaks up again.

"It's just…"

Matt puts his script aside and takes off his glasses, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "What's the trouble, poppet?"

She bites her lip, looking oddly shy for someone so outspoken. "My school is having a father-daughter dance when I get back and my daddy said he'd take me."

Matt nods slowly, not quite getting it but willing to play along. "Well that should be fun."

She shrugs. "Yeah…"

He raises an eyebrow encouragingly. "Except…"

"Except I don't know how to dance and I don't want to look silly."

"What? You were kicking my arse at Dance Dance Revolution last night!" He claps a hand over his mouth. "Don't tell your mum I said 'arse' in front of you, please."

"Those games are different from real dancing." Salome gives him an appraising look. "And I won't tell. If you teach me how to slow dance."

He frowns. "You're good."

She shrugs. "Do we have a deal?"

He stands slowly, silently grateful for the break from his script, and holds out a hand to her with a smile. "It's a deal."

When Alex finds them in the middle of the living room, Salome standing on top of his shoes as they sway to the Temptations, she leans in the doorway, folds her arms across her chest and smirks at him. "Mind if I cut in?"

"He was teaching me how to waltz, Mum!"

Alex feigns concern. "Oh, you poor thing, are your toes alright?"

Matt glares at her. "I am perfectly graceful on a dance floor, Kingston. Like a swan."

She looks dubious, smirk still firmly in place.

Hopping off his shoes, Salome lets go of his hands. "Thanks, Matty."

"At your service, poppet," he says, bowing.

Salome laughs and curtsies, stepping aside as Matt holds a hand out to her mother. Alex reluctantly steps into his arms, looking unsure.

Determined to wipe that nervous expression off her face, Matt concentrates on being especially careful in his movements, twirling her around her living room like an expert. Before long, she relaxes in his arms and begins to laugh. "Teaching my daughter how to dance, bringing me flowers, sitting with me when I'm ill. You're becoming quite the domesticated housecat, Matthew."

He dips her just to hear her laugh again and murmurs into her neck, "I'm learning to like it."

Fiddling with his pencil, Matt frowns. "Good name for a Windy City nudist festival?"

"Chicagobares," Alex says without hesitation.

Exasperated, he scribbles in the answer and shakes his head. "How did you know that?"

"It was a bit obvious dear," she sighs, not looking up from checking over Salome's maths homework.

He doesn't go back to the puzzle immediately, chewing on his pencil and watching the way her curls keep falling into her eyes and her reading glasses keep slipping down her nose. She looks adorably frazzled and he resists the very strong urge to abandon his crossword and kiss her until that furrow in her brow disappears.

"Stop staring."

He blinks, flushing, and glances away. "Bard's river?"

"Avon. Are you actually trying with any of these or just asking me before you even think about the answer?"

"Well, I was thinking about them but now I'm just testing your wealth of knowledge." He writes in the correct answer and grins at her. "You're very sexy when you know everything."

She smirks and glances at him over the rim of her glasses. "Are you saying I'm sexy all the time?"

"You are sexy in a potato sack," he says, whinging slightly. "It's ungodly."

"Trying to flatter me back into bed?"

"Is it working?"

"Not yet."

"Geological time unit? Five letters."

She sighs. "Epoch."

He groans and stretches out on the sofa like a fainting maiden. "Shagging your clever, sexy self so hard in my head right now, Kingston."

Eyes on her daughter's homework, Alex bites her lip against a smile.

She texts with one hand, since he's far too busy kissing the back of the other one to relinquish it.

He watches her face as his lips brush her knuckles. The corner of her mouth twitches so he does it again, letting his tongue dart out to taste her skin.

Her eyes widen and rise from her phone screen to glare at him.

He blinks at her innocently and drops her hand.

With both of them free now, she finishes her text quickly and curls back into his side, head on his shoulder. He turns his face into her hair and kisses her curls. It's still a bit strange, being so openly affectionate with her without having to worry about her pulling away – nice, but strange. It wasn't that long ago that Alex would never spend time with him outside of a bedroom, let alone lie on his sofa and allow him to kiss her hand and nuzzle into her hair like the lovesick idiot he is.

"This movie doesn't make any sense."

Startled out of his reverie, he glances at her with a frown. "It makes perfect sense if you pay attention and stop texting."

Alex huffs. "I'm instructing Karen on how to politely walk out on her date."

"Out with another wanker then?" She hums and he nudges at her hair with his nose, kissing her ear. "And you're an expert on ditching your dates, are you, Kingston?"

"Mm." She turns her head and allows him to kiss her properly. "All but one."

"I'm very persistent." He tugs her phone from her hand and places it on the coffee table. "Now watch."

The peaceful silence lasts for all of five minutes before she shakes her head and turns to him. "A fake beard and he doesn't know it's his rival in the audience? He deserved to have his hand shot."

Putting a finger to her lips, he gives her a look. "Suspend your disbelief for another hour and I promise you'll like it, alright?"

"I still say we could have kept playing charades," she sighs.

Matt snorts. "Never again." When he'd suggested the game, he hadn't realized how scarily competitive Alex and Salome could get. "You were mean to me."

Laughing softly, she turns her face into his arm. "You tried to imitate Dolly Parton by pretending to be a cowboy and parting your hair down the middle. You deserved our mocking."

"You've ruined my self-esteem."

"Shush, darling. I can't hear the movie."

He makes an indignant noise. "You don't even like it!"

"I might. If you stopped whinging long enough to let me pay attention."

He growls and pounces, grinning when Alex yelps in surprise. Pushing her into the cushions, he kisses his way down her neck and across her collarbones until she relaxes under him, wrapping her arms around his neck with a sigh. She smells amazing and she's so warm and soft in his arms. It would be so easy to take this too far but he knows she isn't ready yet, that she'll let him know when she has decided to stay. So instead, he presses one last reverent kiss to her skin and tickles her. Alex shrieks and squirms and throws a pillow at his head in retaliation, gasping when he throws one back.

Having heard them, Salome runs out of her bedroom and an impromptu pillow fight ensues. It isn't quite the romantic evening he'd had in mind when he put a DVD in but somehow, he doesn't really mind.

Clumsiness is not sexy. It's ridiculous and silly, embarrassing and not at all attractive. Except when it's Matt who is being clumsy, and suddenly clumsiness is charming and adorable and all right, maybe a bit sexy.

When his manic enthusiasm coupled with his natural clumsiness causes him to break the Doctor's sonic screwdriver for the second time that afternoon, he freezes in place and stares at the piece that has broken off and fallen to the floor, like he can't quite believe what he's done. Scratching at his cheek nervously, he glances up with a rueful smile that looks more like a wince and says, "Erm… sorry. Again."

The long -suffering props master sighs and holds out his hand for the screwdriver. "Give it here, I'll fix it. Again."

Matt flushes and Alex feels her heart swell in her chest.

The director nods and scrubs a hand over his face. "Five minute break, then?"

As everyone disperses to go have a fag or catch up on text messages, Alex sees Salome take Karen by the hand and pull her away, so she wanders over to Matt and snags his wrist. He glances up at her in surprise. "Kingston?"

"Come with me," she says, and tugs him along until they're away from everyone else and fairly secluded in a corridor.

"What are we doing? Are you -"

"Shut up, darling," she murmurs, pushing him up against the wall forcefully. Any further questions he might have lodge unasked in his throat as he watches her, wide-eyed.

Ignoring all previous rules about personal space while in public, she presses herself against him so that he feels every curve of her body as she grips the lapels of his tweed coat in her hands, leans up on her tiptoes and kisses him. She kisses him the way she hasn't allowed herself to in weeks for fear of taking things too far – a hot, wet clash of mouths that ignites a fire in her belly she knows she'll have to take care of all by herself later. For once, she really doesn't care. She bites at his lip and sweeps her tongue through his mouth like she might devour him if given half a chance. He groans against her lips and grips her hips tightly, keeping her pressed flush against him as he kisses her back, letting her feel what the mere touch of her lips does to him.

They're breathing hard when she finally pulls away, releasing his jacket and stumbling backward. His lips are red and swollen, his hair mussed and his shirt rumpled. He looks so utterly fuckable that it's all she can do to offer him a cool smirk, correct her lipstick and walk away, leaving him gaping after her as she fluffs her hair.

When she makes it back on set, the pounding of her heart has lessened and the heat in her belly is a low, manageable simmer. She settles into her chair and feels rather smug as she thinks about the look on Matt's face, until Arthur settles into the seat next to her and mutters, "Wasn't expecting a show with my smoke break."

She turns her head and stares at him, eyes wide. "What?"

"Don't tell anyone," he says, whispering like he's confiding a dark secret to her, "but when it's too cold to smoke outside, I go into that toilet down that old corridor no one uses anymore and smoke out the window in there."

He raises an eyebrow at her and though he doesn't say another word, she knows he means the hallway she'd shoved Matt into to snog him senseless only moments ago. Realizing he must have seen everything, she curses under her breath. "Look, it wasn't -"

"You don't have to make up excuses," he says, shrugging. "I already knew."

She stares at him. "What? How?"

"Matt told me," he says.

Her eyes widen. "He did what?"

"Before you go bite his head off about it, he didn't mean to. He was nervous about meeting your daughter and just sort of gave himself away."

She sighs and drops her head into her hands.

"He just wants to make you happy."

"I know."

"He's trying really hard."

Alex bites her lip until it feels like it's going to bleed. "I know he is."

Arthur makes an exasperated noise in the back of his throat. "What else do you know? I mean, do you know how you feel about him yet?"

Lifting her head from her hands, Alex frowns at him. "I hardly think that's any of your business."

She hasn't spent a lot of time with Arthur – most of her scenes are without him – and though he seems like a decent enough fellow, with the dry sort of humor she can appreciate, he's quiet and mostly hovers around Karen or pesters Matt. They haven't actually had many conversations without the other two present and she certainly doesn't know him well enough to talk about something so personal with him – not when she isn't even ready to think about it herself.

"It is actually," Arthur crosses his legs and taps his fingers rapidly against his knee. "Because while Matt may be a bumbling idiot, he's also one of my best mates and he's completely besotted with you. I don't want him to get hurt."

Softening, because it seems they at least share a common goal, Alex glances away. "I don't want to hurt him. Why do you think I'm so hesitant about this whole thing? I care about him, Arthur, and I'm rubbish at relationships."

"But do you care about him?" He shakes his head and watches her curiously. "Because you're hurting him a lot more by keeping him dangling on a string like your bloody puppet. Just put him out of his misery and tell him you don't love him. Let him move on and find someone who doesn't have so much baggage."

Alex balks instantly, her very being rebelling at the mere thought. "I won't!"

"Why not? It's clear you're not in love with him and -"

"I am too," she snaps. "I love him more than I ever thought possible. How dare you -" She stops, the realization hitting her like a rather welcome and much needed slap in the face. Oh.

She loves him.

She loves his stupid hair and his soppy words and his bright grin. She loves the way he takes care of her, the way he makes love to her, the way he treats her daughter. She loves how happy he is in the mornings and how invested he is in his football team. She loves the way his fingers feel threading through her hair and that face he makes when he's trying her cooking and pretending it isn't wretched. She loves that he can't manage to finish a crossword puzzle on his own and that he is absolutely horrid at charades.

She bloody loves him.

Turning wide, tear-filled eyes to Arthur, she whispers, "Oh my god."

He smirks. "Just FYI, I expect a prominent role in the wedding or I'll be really insulted."

Overwhelmed, she leaps out of her chair and throws her arms around him, planting a noisy kiss to his stubbly cheek and not caring at all that she barely even knows him. "Oh, you wonderful, brilliant bastard." She pulls away to wipe at her eyes and Arthur offers her a crumpled tissue. Taking it gratefully, she sniffs. "I have to tell him. Where is he?"

All she can think about is every single time she treated him like his feelings didn't matter, that what he wanted meant nothing to her. And still he stayed. She tried to change him, turn him into something she thought she wanted, to erase all that childishness from him and corrupt him entirely. She likes that sometimes he's still a little boy at heart. She doesn't want to change that and she's sorry she ever tried. She used him, made him feel like nothing more than a good fuck and still, he hadn't left her. He has been miles ahead of her all along, head over heels and waiting as patiently as a man could for her to catch up.

"Maybe you should wait," Arthur says, still looking terribly smug. "He'll probably want to shag you right away and I'm pretty sure our break is almost over."

Flushing, she nods, mind still racing. "Right. Okay." She glances up sharply, eyeing him. "How do you feel about babysitting?"

there's no one else in the world

Chapter Summary

Alex is behaving strangely. All day, she has wavered between positively beaming at him or watching him with a guilty expression on her face and it's starting to freak him out.

Chapter Notes

It's the last chapter and I just want to thank you all for your lovely comments - they have meant so much to me! /GROUP HUG

Chapter title from Better Than Love by Griffin House.

WARNING: This chapter contains anal sex so if that's not your thing, feel free to skip over it - there's still pretty of smutty goodness to read:)

Alex is behaving strangely. All day, she has wavered between positively beaming at him or watching him with a guilty expression on her face and it's starting to freak him out. As soon as filming had finished for the day, she'd sent Salome off with Karen and Arthur and now she's leading him into her flat by the hand, looking nervous but still smiling at him. He's pretty sure she's about to either quietly murder him or make him a very happy man. It bothers him a bit that he honestly doesn't know which one.

As soon as the door shuts behind them, Alex presses him against it and kisses him – the same hungry, toe-curling kiss she'd given him on set earlier – and without the threat of people finding them out, he responds even more eagerly than he had before. Okay, so not murdering him then. Or if she is, she's doing it nicely.

He fights for dominance, holding the back of her head with one hand and plundering her mouth with his own. He presses his other hand into the small of her back and she melts against him perfectly, like her curves were always meant to fill the spaces against his own leaner frame. They are venturing into very dangerous territory – he has been longing for her touch, for more than just stolen kisses, and there is no one around to stop either of them from taking what they want. And the aftermath will hurt more than he can possibly bear if she decides she doesn't want him after all.

"Alex," he says roughly, protesting even as he trails his mouth hotly down her throat and listens to her sigh. "Are you sure? I mean, are you ready? Because I can't -"

She nods frantically, taking his face in her hands and waiting for him to meet her gaze. "I know what I want." She swallows. "I love you."

Those words from her mouth have been so long awaited that for a moment, he's sure he'd imagined it but Alex is looking at him so earnestly, her green eyes filled with tears and a smile threatening to overtake her lovely face, and he allows his heart to fill with hope. "What did you say?"

She laughs softly, absolutely breathtaking in her joy. "I love you, darling."

"You -" He raises his hands to cover her own smaller ones. "Are you sure?"

Rolling her eyes, she leans in and kisses him softly. "All this time waiting and now that I've finally said it you don't believe me? Typical."

"No, no," he says quickly, laughter bubbling in his throat. "I believe you, I just – I never thought you'd really say it."

Her smile turns a little pained and her thumb brushes over his cheek. "Well, I did. I can say it again if you like."

"Please."

She leans forward and brushes her soft lips against the hollow of his throat. "I love you, darling."

His grin threatens to overtake his whole face. "One more time."

She sighs patiently, and repeats herself, punctuating each word with a kiss to his throat. "I. Love. You. Idiot."

He laughs and the hope bursts in his chest and spreads through his veins to his fingers and toes, filling him up with something even better – certainty. Lifting her into his arms, he stumbles away from the door and spins her around with a whoop, delighting in the way she giggles in his ear and clings to him, trusting him to keep her safe.

As soon as her feet touch the ground again, he's kissing her like he'll never stop, backing her slowly down the hall toward the bedroom. "Wait, Matt, I need to apologize -"

"Nothing to apologize for," he says, kissing her again, and honestly, the woman has been trying to seduce him for weeks and now that he's taking her to bed, she's talking utter rubbish.

Pushing gently at his chest, she says, "There is, darling. You said it yourself – I made you feel awful. I -"

Sighing a bit and shoving away the memories she's resurrecting, Matt shakes his head and kisses her nose. "I don't want to talk about how you made me feel then, Alex. I want to talk about how you're making me feel now. Or more importantly, I want to show you."

She nods, yanking his head down to hers as she mumbles, "Talking can wait."

He carries her the rest of the way to her bedroom, focusing very hard on not tripping on the way there. He hasn't touched her in weeks and he'll be damned if he lets anything on earth stop him from rediscovering every wonderful inch of her with his tongue. And as tightly as Alex is clinging to him now and as frantic as her kisses are, he wants to take his time. It would be so easy to just have a really hurried, frenzied shag against a wall after how long they've waited to touch each other again, how many close calls they've had, how many nights they've spent lying in bed missing the other, but he thinks they've both learned in their time together and apart that sometimes being patient has its merits.

He strips her slowly, like unwrapping the best present he's ever gotten, and presses kisses to newly revealed soft skin. Alex doesn't even try to hurry him along, as if she wants to enjoy this just as much as he does. Or maybe she's remembering the last time she'd tried to fight against his tenderness. When she's standing before him with nothing to hide her body from him, it feels like he has stripped away the very last piece of her armor. She is hiding nothing from him now, not even her feelings, and he's so glad he never had the strength to walk away from her for good.

His hands won't settle in one place as he kisses her, stroking over her back, her waist, over her arse and hips. Alex arches into his touch and kisses him ardently, tugging him with her toward the bed. They fall onto the mattress together and he pins her hands above her head, tearing his mouth from hers to admire her spread out before him, nothing but bare, magnificent curves and a soft smile. She looks just as he'd imagined so often in the last few weeks, naked amongst her sheets and waiting for him. She chose him.

Watching him look at her reverently, Alex strokes her fingers over his cheek and he leans into the touch like a man starved for affection. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I'm never going to stop looking at you like this. Get used to it." She smiles and he turns his head and presses his lips to her fingertips. "I love you."

"But how can you, darling?" Her eyes fill up and he begins to shake his head. "I've been so careless with you."

"Stop it, Alex," he says, swallowing her protests in a kiss. "It doesn't matter. You didn't love me then and it -"

"I think I could have, if I would have just let myself."

"We're here now," he says, kissing his way down her throat and chest. "That's all that matters, sweetheart."

He swirls his tongue over her nipple and Alex arches into his mouth with a gasp. "God, I missed you."

Stroking his hand up and down her side and over her stomach, he scrapes his teeth over her breast and tries to convey that the feeling is entirely mutual without having to speak. He's rather busy at the moment sucking a bright red mark onto the underside of her breast. He could spend an entire day lavishing her breasts with attention, licking and sucking and nibbling, but Alex grows impatient with him before long, pushing gently at the top of his head with a whinge that makes him grin. Pressing one last kiss to the mark he has made against her fair skin, he settles between her thighs. She spreads her legs, draping them over his shoulders, the gorgeous, slick pink of her sex revealed to him. His mouth waters at the sight and the smell of her, warm and wet and tempting.

"So lovely," he murmurs, and leans in, eager to taste her and hear her moan. She quivers at the first stroke of his tongue and he groans, burying his face between her thighs to taste her again. The salty, sweet tang of her bursts on his tongue like the juice of some exotic fruit and he opens his mouth wide, hungry for her.

Above him, Alex gives a strangled moan. Christ, he has missed this. He loves it – loves making her tremble apart with only the stroke of his tongue, loves hearing her soft cries and the way her fingers curl into the sheets. She throws her head back, rolling her hips against his face as if she

can't ever get him close enough, deep enough.

When he raises his head briefly, lips slick with her arousal, he sees Alex palming her own breasts, the fullness of them too much for her small hands as she tweaks her nipples with clever little fingers, her eyes tightly shut and the most exquisite look on her face. It sends heat and desire rushing through him like a tidal wave and he presses his open mouth to her knee, nipping his way back up her thigh and to her throbbing sex while Alex squirms impatiently above him.

"God, yes," she sighs when he finally reaches her heat again, and she threads her fingers through his hair, guiding his movements with a tug of her hand and fuck if it isn't sexy as hell having her in control once more. He loves the heady feeling of being the dominant one but it's nothing compared to the peace that comes over him when she's the one in charge and Alex must sense it because she rubs her thumb tenderly over his forehead and murmurs, "Harder, darling, please."

He obeys instantly, sucking hot, hungry kisses against her cunt and closing his eyes to breathe in the musky scent of her and listen to the way she thrashes and sobs under his touch. Alternating between teasing kisses to her entrance and the hard, flat press of his tongue inside her until Alex is dripping wet and her cries are unintelligible, high-pitched shrieks, he slides two fingers inside her easily and watches her eyes widen, bright and glazed with pleasure.

"Talk to me."

He nips at her inner thigh and her breath hitches. "You're so close," he whispers lowly, "I can feel you around my fingers, so tight and hot. You're dripping, god, can you feel it, Alex? Can you feel how close you are, my gorgeous, lovely girl? Let go, sweetheart. Let me hear you." Pumping his fingers deep inside her and hyper aware of her every sighing breath, every buck of her hips, he ducks his head between her thighs and sucks her clit, swollen, red, and tight, into his mouth.

Alex screams, fingers tightening in his hair and her heels digging into his back as she comes undone beneath him. Her release floods his mouth and drips down his wrist onto the sheets, and he doesn't think he's ever seen her come quite that hard before. Licking the taste of her from his lips and sucking her arousal from his fingers, he watches Alex slide her hands over herself with a pleasured little sigh, as if Matt has lit some fire deep within and she doesn't quite know how to douse the flames.

Smiling at the sight of her, Matt bends his head and kisses her softly, his erection prodding at her hip as he cradles her face in his hands. Alex paws at his clothes, swearing under her breath until he laughs and pulls away to undress. She turns quickly onto her hands and knees, reaching into the bedside table for the condoms she keeps there. Fully naked now, Matt climbs back onto the bed and gives her bum a playful slap as she rummages.

He expects her to turn around and glare at him for being impatient but Alex surprises him by freezing in place with a choked moan. "Oh god, do that again."

He stares at her. "What?"

She turns to look at him over her shoulder, biting her bottom lip enticingly. "Please, darling."

He can't say that he hasn't wondered what it would be like, the smack of his hand on Alex's lovely, bare bottom but he'd had plans for tonight – plans to worship her until she couldn't stand up. But Alex is looking at him pleadingly, eyes wide and dark, and Matt knows that if this is the way she wants to be worshipped, he'll give it to her gladly.

"Like that do you," he murmurs, smirking, and she turns to face the headboard again, her arse wiggling against his caress. He raises his hand and the sound of his palm meeting her flesh is drowned out by her soft cry. "You've been a very naughty girl, haven't you, Kingston? Driving me mad for weeks with your kisses and your little nightgown, trying to break me."

She nods mutely, hands curling in the sheets as he spanks her again. "Yes, darling. I'm sorry – please –"

He watches in fascination as the pale skin of her arse turns to a deep shade of pink with every slap, darker and darker until the outline of his palm is clearly visible on her flesh, like a brand. He has marked her, finally made her his own in every way that counts, and the thought makes him impossibly harder.

"Look at you," he whispers and Alex whimpers. "So gorgeous." He slides his hand over her and then dips it between her thighs, surprised by how wet being handled so roughly makes her. She sighs at his touch, pushing back against him and he smacks her arse again for her impertinence.

"Oh god," she cries. "Please, darling. Please fuck me, it's been so long, please -"

Her thighs tremble around his wrist as he strokes his fingers over her slick flesh and jesus, the sound of her begging him is still so new, so utterly wanton. Sliding his hand from between her legs, he positions himself behind her and Alex pushes back against him with a soft moan as he fills her. Being inside her again is enough to bring tears to his eyes – she chose him, she chose this and he never really let himself hope she would – and he buries his face in the back of her neck as he moves.

"Love you," he whispers, and she shudders against him.

Sliding her hand back, she blindly cups his cheek in her hand. "I love you too, darling," she breathes, and he turns his head, kissing her palm. "Oh, more." As she braces herself with both hands once more, he quickens his pace and Alex gasps as his hips slap against her tender arse. "Don't stop, god…"

Sucking a red mark into the skin at her shoulder blade, he moves hot and hard inside her, so close to release after so long apart. Alex's breasts sway beneath her as they move together at a furious pace and he reaches around to cup the heavy weight of one. She tosses her head back and the scent of her hair suddenly mingles with the sex in the air and god, he isn't going to be able to stop himself – he's seconds from coming –

Alex reaches between her thighs and rubs frantically at her clit, sparking off her orgasm with a keening cry, and as her sex spasms around him, Matt spills inside her with a hoarse shout, his release as profound and life-affirming as any religious experience. He presses light, gentle kisses to her neck and shoulders until Alex melts into the mattress, panting against the sheets. She turns her head as he hovers over her, beaming as she brings his mouth to hers for a soft kiss.

"We are never going that long without shagging again," she giggles breathlessly and he kisses her again in agreement.

"I don't know, Kingston," he teases. "Waiting made it sort of spectacular – I think I'm developing a new fetish."

She swats at him. "It's always spectacular, you twat." He preens, pleased with himself, and Alex rolls her eyes. "Stop looking so smug and fetch me that bottle of lotion I use on you."

"That lovely arse smarting from your spanking, love?" He smirks and stumbles out of bed before she can swat at him again. He's so focused on watching her, looking beautiful and thoroughly shagged, that he almost trips on the pile of clothes at the foot of the bed, and Alex's giggle follows him out of the room.

She's lying on her stomach when he returns, her arse still red and very tempting. His fingers itch at his sides and he grins because he knows he doesn't have to restrain himself now. She loves him and she isn't going to get up and dress, leaving him to his lonely bed. She's warm and soft and waiting for him to come back. Careful not to trip again because as much as he adores Alex's laugh, he always prefers when it's not at his expense, he settles onto the bed and pours a generous

amount of lotion into his palm, rubbing his hands together to warm it up. She still shivers at the first touch but as he begins to smooth lotion over her tender skin, she moans and arches like a contented cat in the sun.

He tries to be as gentle with her as she'd been with him all those times she rubbed lotion into his smarting skin, but even as he keeps his hands tender and soothing, he can't stop them from straying. He slides his lotion-slick fingers between her arse cheeks, stroking gently, and when Alex doesn't protest, he applies a little more pressure.

She practically purrs, a soft noise of encouragement pulled from deep within her throat. He freezes, watching her shift restlessly. "Alex?"

"Keep going," she whispers.

Swallowing and well on his way to achingly hard again, he rubs her once more, waiting until he feels her relax before he slowly slips one finger past the tightness there. Alex moans, curling her fingers into the sheets, and he slips in another. Still, the only noise to escape her throat is one of eagerness. Curious as to how far she'll let him take this, he crooks his fingers inside her and listens to her gasp sharply, scrabbling at the sheets and rutting against the mattress in a useless attempt to find a little friction.

He swears, blood pooling rapidly in his groin.

Alex whimpers. "Darling, please. Get inside."

The words wash over him like liquid heat and he's suddenly harder than he's ever been in his life as he chokes out, "A-are you sure?"

She nods frantically, already lifting herself onto her hands and knees. "Yes, darling. I trust you – I'm yours. Please."

He presses his lips to the small of her back, overwhelmed and so, so in love. "If you're mine, then I'm yours, Kingston."

"Always." She glances over her shoulder and offers him a shaky smile. "Not going to let you go now, am I?"

There are no words in any language for how good it feels when he pushes his cock inside the tight, clutching heat of her arse, her cheeks still red and sore from his hand. He tries to go slowly, remembering how much it burned the first time Alex had done this to him with her rabbit, but she takes every inch he gives her eagerly, pushing back for more as he sinks inside her. He can't help but marvel that this woman loves him, she's beautiful and talented and sexy – an absolute wonder

– and she loves him. She trusts him with this and it means so much more than she will ever understand.

"Oh god, love," he breathes. "You have no idea how fucking amazing you feel."

Alex drops her head and sighs as he presses hot, open-mouth kisses to the skin of her back. "Tell me."

God, he loves how much she loves to hear him talk. So he tells her in a low, strangled voice how tight and hot she feels, how different it is from being inside the wet heat of her cunt, how utterly and completely he loves her and being inside her – any way she'll have him. As he talks, he keeps moving steadily and she rocks back against him, unsuccessfully biting back her moans.

"Oh god, there. Yes!"

He thrusts harder, slamming into her sore arse and her cries grow louder and more hoarse, her whole body tensing beneath his until he knows she's teetering right on the brink of release. Reaching around to slide his fingers deep inside her soaking heat, he grinds the palm of his hand against her clit and she shudders, coming with a sob and riding out her orgasm under the touch of his hand and the slide of his cock.

She drops to her elbows, pressing her face into the mattress and suddenly he's hitting deeper inside her than he ever has before, sliding furiously between her arse cheeks. Her fluttering muscles clench around him, pulling him in, clutching at him and her sex still throbs around his fingers. Oh god, it's so good, too good – the heat of her arse, the slickness of her sex, the soft grunting noises she makes as he moves, and he can't hold back any longer, spilling inside her with her name a desperate, loving cry against her spine.

He holds her in his arms as they collapse together to the mattress, breathing hard and completely spent, curled around each other. Her skin is warm and sweat-slicked as he slides his fingers over her, kissing her sweetly and loving the way she sucks his lower lip into her mouth and curls gentle fingers over his ears. He holds her tight, a bit terrified she'll change her mind and slip from his bed to dress but she doesn't, and after a while, his grip loosens. He relaxes, enjoying the afterglow with her in a way he never had the chance to before.

She's soft and pliant in his arms, nuzzling her nose against his cheek.

"You're a cuddler," he observes suddenly, and giggles.

Alex lifts her head to frown at him. "What's wrong with that?"

He tightens his hold around her just a bit and shakes his head, still grinning as he kisses her. "Absolutely nothing."

Pleasantly sore and fully dressed, Alex pins her damp hair up and away from her neck before stepping out of the steamy bathroom and leaving Matt to towel his hair to unmanageable heights. Smiling as she listens to him sing under his breath, she rummages through her dresser drawers until she finds a pair of the socks she'd nicked from his flat.

"I wondered where those went," he says, and she turns to see him leaning against the doorframe, his jeans still unbuttoned, his t-shirt damp and his hair a mess.

She glances down at the pineapple printed socks and purses her lips, telling herself that just because she's in love with the idiot does not mean she has permission to smile soppily at him all the time. "I like them."

"So did I," he snorts. "Paid thirty pounds for the bloody things."

"You paid thirty pounds for socks?" She gapes at him. "Why would you pay that much for one pair of socks?"

Crossing the room in two strides, he pulls her into his arms. "Because I knew one day I'd meet a bird who'd steal them and make them look attractive."

"Darling, loving you doesn't mean I'm going to fall for your rubbish lines," she laughs, and kisses away his pout.

In the other room, the door opens and Karen calls out, "Everyone decent in here? Don't want to scar the wee child for life!"

Matt rolls her eyes and calls back, "Shut up and come in, Gillan."

Almost instantly, Salome shouts, "Mum! Matty! Come see, come see!"

"Oh god," Alex sighs. "That sounds ominous."

"She's been with Kaz and Arthur for hours," he points out, tugging at a damp tendril hanging rebelliously in front of her eyes. "You should know better."

"Muuum!"

Alex groans and drops down onto the bed to pull on her socks. "Go see what they've done and if she has a tattoo that cannot be removed, you have my permission to murder them. I'll even help you hide the bodies."

"You do love me," he swoons, and she rolls her eyes fondly, watching him disappear down the hall with a grin. Seconds later, she hears his delighted squeak. "Oh this is so much better than a tattoo!"

Oddly enough, this does not ease her fears in the slightest and it's with much trepidation that she finally pads down the hallway and into the living room. Karen and Arthur stand by the door as if sensing they'll need a quick escape; Matt and Salome stand in the middle of the room, fawning over what looks like a small bundle of gray fur.

Alex turns her murderous gaze on Karen and Arthur. "Please tell me you didn't."

Karen holds up her hands, taking a step back when Arthur tugs her with him, pouting. "Oh come on, Alex! We had to keep her occupied somehow!"

"So you bought her a kitten?!"

Arthur winces. "We just took her into the pet store for a bit, y'know, after we got ice cream. But then -"

"She saw Melville," Karen interrupts.

"Melville?"

Salome glances up, beaming. "It's what I've decided to name him."

"Oh lovely, you've named him." Alex sighs and looks back at her daughter's co-conspirators. "What were you thinking? She's just a little girl, don't you know how to say no?"

"But she said please!" Karen looks at her with wide eyes and Alex knows she's fighting a losing battle. "And then she gave me puppy eyes! Have you ever tried to say no to her puppy eyes? It's voodoo."

"Come on, Kingston," Matt says, and she glances at him to see that he's cradling the kitten to his chest, his large hand dwarfing the thing and making it look infinitely more fragile. "How can you say no to a kitten?"

She could easily say no to a kitten – fur everywhere, a litter box, claw marks on the walls and mice on the doorstep – but Matt looks at her with those guileless hazel eyes that had done her in the moment she met him, the kitten's ear twitching against his chin as it purrs, and Salome tugs on her sleeve pleadingly, already attached and far too used to getting her way. It's them she can't say no to. Her family.

Sighing, she leans into Matt and touches the tip of her finger to the kitten's pink nose. Melville blinks at her, looking innocent and cuddly and he seems to be silently promising not to leave hairballs in her shoes.

"Oh, all right," she growls. "But this is not permission to turn our house into a bloody menagerie, alright? No bringing home strays, not even a fish."

"A stray fish?" Arthur frowns. "How would that even work?"

Alex points a threatening finger at him. "You're already on thin ice, young man – helpful epiphany or not."

Eyes wide, he grips Karen's hand and nods.

"Wait, I can really keep him?" Salome looks at her hopefully and Alex gives a reluctant nod. She squeals, throwing her arms around Alex. "You're the best mum ever!"

"Remember that when I ask you to clean the litter box, yeah?" She sighs, and Salome releases her to high-five Karen and Arthur.

Sliding his arm around her waist and still holding the kitten, Matt leans in close and mutters, "No more pets? Not even a rabbit?"

She glares at him briefly but he's grinning so brightly and he's holding a kitten for god's sake – she softens within moments. Undone by him and rather happy about it, she tugs his head down to hers for a kiss and he obliges only too readily. Squashed between them, the kitten mewls discontentedly. "Maybe just one."

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