Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice…
Let's just say that they are fifteen already, but the plot will be the same: they will still be in Class B with Mr. Narumi, the substitute teacher, Mr. Jinno, etc. as their teachers… Let's presume it is because Alice Academy doesn't have any other teachers who can handle Class B… But I'm warning you, this is just a whacked attempt of a humor fic… I don't have sense of humor! So how will I be able to write this? I dunno… Go figure. -Nami
……
CHAPTER 1: The Plan
Tobita Yuu, being the class president, was known for his virtue and etiquette, thus he discussed with his classmates about something very vital.
"Can you lot just let him do that to us? Just disgrace and step on our ego? I think he has gone too far!" he stood in front of the classroom, eyes twinkling in determination. But his blond hair was no more, since his head was shaved bald due to Jinno-sensei's cruel decision.
"Yeah… Like when he made us demonstrate the chicken courtship dance?"
"He made me sing my ABCs backwards."
"And when he made us declare our undying love for Barney?"
"And when he made the whole class B go hunting for monkey-eating rabbits in the Northern Forest?" Ruka reflected on the terrible past. They weren't able to find a single one for seven days, so he was forced to sacrifice his own pet rabbit by making it eat a live monkey.
"Fine! Enough of those! Now you see, I feel the strong calling for vengeance… Yes, sweet vengeance! Bwahahahaha!" Yuu laughed maniacally as if being possessed by a terribly frustrated spirit.
Mikan took over, kicking the four-eyed lunatic aside. "Now, now, people, if we will let our hearts be immersed in anger or any other negative feelings, then we won't be able to get what we're fighting for, the justice we want!"
"So how will we get our vengeance?" asked the pink-haired girl.
"Let's see… I reckon every one of us just want him dead… But in a miserable, horrific way," said Otonashi, holding her temples as if predicting.
"I can make that disturbed old man just die of leukemia," Nonoko smirked wickedly, putting out a little jar of her concoction.
"I can make him get trampled on by stampeding rhinos or just get wolfed down by an anaconda which hasn't eaten for a year," suggested the animal-lover.
"Or be run over by a ten-wheeler garbage truck, or get crashed on by a run-away train."
"Do anything! I just want him dead!!---" Yuu bellowed, then some of his classmates came over to conduct exorcism.
"Nonsense." A staid voice then made everyone quiet, thus, each one had their eyes fixed on her. "That would be too impractical."
"What do you mean, Hotaru?" asked the ever-so-curious Mikan.
"If you will carry out a plan," her lilac orbs looked dull and as lifeless as ever, "you will want it nice, fast and clean, right?"
……
Mr. Narumi entered Class B's room.
"Good morning everybody," he greeted casually, but only the evil sneers of the students were the replies.
"Erm… I will be the one in-charge for teaching you today, since the substitute teacher was brought to the hospital wing to recover from a disease which makes slimy green bubbles come out of his nostrils---" but then he was cut by the abrupt harsh clicks of the doorknobs, indicating that they were locked forcibly.
"That's a part of the plan," murmured Kokoroyomi.
"Um… Class? What's gotten into you guys?" Mr. Narumi glanced at their faces, but all of them were glaring and smirking evilly at him… Nonoko, Mikan, Hotaru, Yuu, Natsume, Yura, Sumire, Ruka… The only one smiling back at him was the peaceful Anna.
"Hey… Anna, can you please explain what's happening here?" he asked, turning to her for help. Anna then stood up and went to Mr. Narumi, still wearing the honey-sweet smile.
"Mr. Narumi, due to our deference to your incredible persuading ability, we'll need to ask you a tinee-winee favor… We need you to coax our most-hated-person-in-the-whole-wide-world. Please, you must understand that we need your help," suddenly her smiling face and saccharine sweet voice turned to like that of Chuckie from Child's Play, "or else you'll be skinned and eaten alive by Mr. Ginger Bread Man."
Mr. Narumi again shifted his gaze around the class, Sumire's fangs and claws were scary, Yuu's head was shining unbelievably, Otanashi's eyeballs were rolling back and forth on their sockets, miniature Mr. Ginger Bread Man was drooling before him… And when he found out that no one was willing to help him out, he gulped and forced a smile, "I-I'll help…"
……
It was lunchtime… and Ruka was stuck in eating alone once more. He and Natsume weren't as close anymore as how they were in the past, since he finally got together with Mikan. The fresh memories of what happened the day before swiveled back in his mind.
It was also lunchtime. He was about to ask Natsume to watch the fireflies by the pond when he saw Hotaru videotaping something inside the classroom. However, she was just peeking from the doorway. She might be planning to blackmail his best friend.
"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" he hissed as he approached his stalker.
"Shhh…" she placed a stretched forefinger over her lips.
"What's happening anywa---" he was about to barge in, but the raven-haired girl stopped him and covered his mouth with her hand. "One wrong move and you'll ruin the scene."
The blonde sniffed the fragrant smell of her palm and fingers. He figured she had just eaten cheese curls.
"Just let me peek," he then watched the grotesque scene.
Two figures could be seen sitting on the same chair in the middle of the classroom. "Natsume, is it a sin to fall in love?" eight-year-old Youichi sat on Natsume's lap, caressing his cheek.
"Why? Do you love someone?"
"Yeah."
"Well… it isn't. I did a horrific deed when I was about your age, I burnt down my own hometown," the ruby-eyed lad explained.
"Is that worse than falling in love?"
"Of course."
"It was a very dark night… Hundreds of little stars twinkled in the distant sky… My nagging little sister was horrible, I couldn't help but get infuriated. My Fire Alice showed its first appearance back then, and I 'accidentally' put her head on fire. I panicked, I couldn't do anything… Instead of saving her, I 'accidentally' made the gas tank ablaze, and so, I ran away. Then I realized that I 'accidentally' left my sister, my parents, my family… Then the whole house exploded. I could hear my family's deafening screams… The townspeople panicked, and I wanted to help and calm them down, but I 'accidentally' ended up burning their homes instead… I ran away from home, and when I came back, all I saw was a huge heap of gray ashes…" he reflected sadly.
"Is that worse than falling in love?"
"Of course it is! Who's the one you love anyway?"
With that, the younger one blushed furiously. "...You."
"What?!" Natsume suddenly jumped out of his seat, obviously taken aback, his eyes bugged out of their sockets. The abrupt movement sent the gray-haired boy down to the solid floor.
"Ouch! Why are you so astounded?" he asked, massaging his back.
"Because I'm in love with someone already!"
"Don't tell me… Don't tell me it's not me?"
"Of course it isn't you! I'm in love with Mikan!"
Gasps from everybody. It seemed that the whole class B was eavesdropping, some who clung on the window ledge accidentally loosened their grip and produced loud thuds by falling down on the hard earth; other fangirls ran away, sobbing and screaming hysterically.
"But… But why did you choose that ugly, bratty loudmouth over a sexy, handsome, gorgeous boy like me?" the gray-haired one asked with pleading puppy-dog eyes.
Natsume simply raised an eyebrow. "Maybe because I like girls?"
"NO!!!" Youichi darted off the room, shrilling loudly with his high-pitched voice.
Natsume was left alone… Well, actually he wasn't, because seconds later, Mikan got out from under her desk.
"Natsume… Did you mean it?"
"Mi-Mikan! What are you doing here?"
"I was eating. See? Cheese curls?" she said, revealing her yellowish fingers. "So is it true?"
"Er… No! Of course I'm not in love with you! It was just to make Youichi know that he doesn't have a chance on me!"
"Well… That's too bad," the brunette turned her back at him, "because I'm in love with you."
"Wha---? Do you mean it, polka-dots?" he asked, his ruby orbs glittering with hope.
She again faced him. "Nah, just joking!"
Natsume curled his eyebrows. She smiled sheepishly.
"Just joking that I'm joking!"
The corners of his mouth twitched in amusement, his eyes lit up. "I'm also joking that I'm joking."
He then grabbed her wrist and embraced her so tightly. She rested her head on his shoulder.
"Mikan…" his voice was a soothing music to her ears.
"I don't like the smell of cheese curls."
Ruka heaved another sigh. A cheery voice then brought him back to his senses. "Ruka-pyon! We need your help here!"
"Coming!"
……
Meanwhile…
Jinno-sensei sang at top of his lungs as he read through Class B's theses assignments.
"I love you, you love me, we're a happy family…With a---"
"Mr. Jinno?" Mr. Narumi suddenly emerged from the entrance door of the faculty room. "May I have a small talk with you?"
The Barney-smitten then cleared his throat. "Don't you know how to knock, Mr. Narumi?" He had his solitary moment a while ago since the teachers were at the canteen, eating lunch.
"Sorry about that," he closed the door behind him.
"So what's this little talk all about?"
"Tomorrow," he started, settling himself in a seat, "a famous band called The MORONS is visiting, and they'll interview you."
"The what? Who are idiots enough to call themselves 'The MORONS'?" he raised an eyebrow.
"You mean you don't know them? They're a group of hot chicks from New York!"
"Er… Of course I know them!" the old man quipped.
Mr. Narumi suppressed a laugh. "They're on a vacation here in Japan, and I hear the students want to meet them so badly that they will start World War Three if we won't let them enter the academy."
"And what is this interview all about?"
"Simple. They'll be participating in a reality show soon and they'll be teachers for one day. So they'll need tips from a disciplinarian like you!"
"Oh… Is that so? Hmmm… Hot youngsters, huh…" he asked, a dubious look on his face. After some tense ten minutes, he smiled. "Then I gratefully accept the job."
……
END OF CHAPTER
What exactly is Class B's plan? Will Yuu ever recover? Do you believe Natsume's silly story of his childhood angst? Since when did Youichi become a hermaphrodite? Who are The MORONS? How come I don't know them? Do you? Can you imagine Yuu hairless? Or Hotaru glaring and grinning wickedly at Narumi? Why doesn't Natsume like the smell of cheese curls? What's Narumi up to? And most importantly, why is Jinno-sensei so obsessed with Barney? These questions will be answered hopefully in the next chapter of… tatatata! Adventure Island!