Authors Note: Thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews, they really are a great motivator. After I read them I wanted to start writing straight away. Unfortunately life got in the way and this is the first chance Iíve had to write.
This chapter is pretty much just some more background on Charlie and Jackís relationship through the years but I promise there will be some Eppes family action next chapter.

---------------------------------------------

As the two boys matured, their friendship changed along with them and they began to realise that their friendship was different to other friendships. Like other friendships it was based on mutual understanding and interests but there was an element to theirs that wasnít to be found in others. That difference was a need. A mutual need that only seemed satisfied by the bond they had with one another. And it was because of this need that they could over come other problems their friendship seemed to bring up.

After graduating from Princeton, Jack and Charlie went their separate ways, satisfied in the knowledge that their friendship would endure distance and time.
Charlie didnít hear from Jack for years, but then on his 23rd birthday he got the surprise of his life.

At 1:30 in the morning, Charlie found himself staring at his old friend as he stood on the threshold of his front door. Charlie immediately knew that something was wrong just by Jackís appearance. He was skinny and pale, with dark circles under his bloodshot eyes. As Charlie led him into the house, Jack stumbled and nearly fell, saved only by Charlieís quick hands.

Charlie was the only one awake in the house, so the two men had all the freedom they could have wanted. There was no charade of false pretences between the two. Charlie knew that Jack was there for his help and Jack knew he could rely on Charlie for whatever he needed.

They spent most of the night in silence. Jack showered and changed into clothes Charlie provided. He ate lasagne and they both had a beer. The rest of the night was spent watching late night TV. The monotony was only broken when the lasagne decided to make a second appearance, and Jack had to rush to the bathroom.

Charlie fell asleep around 5 in the morning and when he woke at 7, Jack was gone. The only trace that he had been there was a note on the dining room table. Thank You. Love Jack.


Jack turned up was three years later. Again he arrived at night, but seemed a completely different person. He was lively and bubbly. Talking at length about his new work. He ate with the family, even getting a chance to met Don who was visiting for the weekend. Charlie found himself staring at Jack, trying to reconcile the person he had seen three years ago, with the person sitting opposite him talking to Don about baseball. Later in the evening Charlieís mother commented on how happy Jack seemed. That was when Charlie knew it was an act.

Jack stayed for four days. On the night of the third day, he and Charlie went out to the garage to talk alone. Charlie was suspicious of Jackís new found happiness. Jack reminded him that they hadnít seen each other for three years. Things change, he said. Charlie told him to cut the crap. I know this is an act. He expected Jack to get angry. He didnít. He just sighed and put his head in his hands.

Charlie thought he was crying, he wasnít. When he looked at Charlie again, he was smiling. A sad, hopeless smile. What do you want from me? You donít want me to be happy? Charlie said he did he just didnít believe Jack was really happy. Jack laughed. Are you happy, Charlie? Do you even know what happy is? Because I donít.


Jack told him everything was fine. That he liked his life now. That he liked who he was now. Charlie listened as Jack talked about wanting to get married. To who? He asked. Whoever. Jack gave him an impish grin and said he had to leave tomorrow morning.
Jack told Charlie not to worry about him. Charlie didnít believe Jack one bit.

The next time they met it was at a conference and Jack put his hand down Charlie pants. He said he wanted Charlie, needed him. Said that Charlie was all he could think about. Tried to force him down on the bed, but he was drunk and Charlie easily pushed him off. Then Jack started crying. Huddled against the bed in a pathetic mess. Charlie gathered him up in his arms and they sat together for two hours. Jack tried to kiss him and Charlie let him. A soft, chaste kiss that meant nothing to Charlie and everything to Jack.

Jack eventually fell asleep and after another hour Charlie felt his legs begin to cramp up. He tried to free himself from Jackís grip. Thatís when he saw the track marks running up Jackís arm. It took a moment for him to realise what they were but when he did he wanted to scream. Instead he just held his friend close and cried silently.

He never told Jack he knew his secret. They parted ways again and although he didnít know then, that was the last time Charlie would see his friend. But their friendship wasnít over.

Two years later, Charlie made a phone call. The number was disconnected. He called Jackís mother, she gave him a new number. He called five times in two hours. On the fifth time Jack picked up.


My mumís dying. The words were out before Charlie had time to think about them. Then he lost control. Curled up on the floor of the garage. In the dark, sobbing over the phone to the only person who had ever understood anything. The only person he could turn to.

Jack wanted to be there, wanted to help Charlie. But he couldnít. Jack said he had to stay in New York for work. Charlie knew he was lying but he didnít care. He was past caring about anything but the pain that was slowly ripping him apart. Past caring about anything but his own need.

They talked for hours. Talked about nothing. About loss and happiness and other things they didnít understand. About how numbers werenít like people. Numbers didnít hurt, or die. Numbers canít feel love either, Jack said. Charlie wasnít sure that love was such a good thing. Love only seemed to make pain hurt more. Loss seems deeper when youíre losing something you love. Jack said he wouldnít know.

That was the last time they ever spoke. The next time Charlie called Jack didnít answer. Couldnít answer. And Charlieís needs went unmet.

---------------------------------------------

A/N: I will probably only write one or two more chapters after this one. Iím still a little unsure how itís going to end but I have a few ideas Iím going to explore.
I hope you like it so far.