Disclaimer: I do not own it.
Note: This is my first fanfic so please be more understanding if it's badly written. Anyway, tell me what you think.
A final goodbye
He could still remember the first time; Duo admitted his love to him.
He was just standing there silent, brooding, his usual behavior, the typical Heero.
Until he came.
Duo cried out when he saw him.
"Heero..."
He clung onto him as if he was his very life.
The way he hugged him as if it was their last.
"Duo what..."
Before he could finish, Duo silenced him with a kiss.
And the kiss, like the hug was desperate.
It was as if the time had freeze and the moment however brief was imprinted in his heart forever.
It was the softest of kiss; his mouth had covered his for only a fleeting moment and then it was gone.
Heero had never known what rejection was until that moment.
The moment was so beautiful but when it was over, he felt so cold and so alone.
And the way Duo stood there, he looked very sorry as if it was the end.
"Goodbye Heero."
He had said it so sadly, so heartbrokenly that Heero could not bear it.
He did not know what Duo was going to do or what he was thinking.
In fact he did not know what went wrong between them.
All of a sudden, they had become strangers.
Time and misunderstandings distance them.
Heero did not know what happened but some crazy part in him knew that if he ever let him walk out of the door, he might never see him again.
"No!" he growled out and before Duo could reach the door, he grabbed him from behind.
"What..." his eyes grew wide when he saw his intention.
He crushed himself onto him and pinned him against the wall.
His mouth forced his opened and shocked, Duo began to struggle.
His kiss was brutal and demeaning.
He wanted to hurt Duo as he had hurt him.
Duo had barely spoken to him for the past few months but today, he had come.
He had come to say farewell and was leaving him for good.
Did he have any idea how much he had hurt him?
Did he have any idea how much he meant to him?
Now no longer thinking and past caring about everything, his left hand tightened painfully on Duo's hair and increased the pressure on the kiss until he heard a choked cry of pain.
Tears were shimmering in Duo's eyes and Heero realized vaguely that he tasted something bitter.
Blood, it was Duo's blood.
Horrified, Heero released him as he dropped to his knees shivering.
"I'm sorry..."
Heero's voice was no longer rich and smooth like before.
There was only pain.
His eyes were filled with remorse and confusion.
He had never meant to hurt Duo but he was overcome with his emotions.
"I'm sorry..." he whispered with remorse as he bent down on his knees and reached for him.
Duo was in a daze, staring at him with a blind and unseeing look.
Heero's hand was gentle as he slowly wiped away the trail of blood away. Tenderly, he stroked Duo's hair and after a few moments, Duo finally relaxed into his embrace.
"Are you alright?" Heero asked hesitantly and worried.
Slowly, Duo raised his head and looked at him.
He frowned before his hand came up to caress his face.
Heero stiffened at the sudden contact.
"You're crying."
It wasn't a question but a statement.
"Why?"
"I'm afraid that I would lose you for good."
"It's just a mission, Heero."
"But the chances of you returning back are slim."
There was a pause before Duo spoke up.
"I could stay if you want."
Heero lifted Duo's head up and stared at him in disbelief.
Hope flared in his eyes.
"Really?" he asked his voice raw with need.
"If you want me to." Duo responded quietly.
The words were in his mouth and he almost said them but something in Duo's voice stopped him.
Resignation.
Duo did not want to stay but he was willing to stay for his sake.
"Do you want to go?" Heero asked abruptly.
"It's a responsibility Heero and you of all people should know how it is."
Yes. He knew how it was.
He had fulfilled all his duties and completed all his missions because it was his responsibility.
All of a sudden, he felt ashamed of himself.
He was so selfish.
Because of his own selfish desires, he almost forced Duo to do something he did not want.
"You want to go don't you?" Heero asked sadly.
His heart was heavy when Duo replied.
"Yes except that..." he trailed off.
"Except what?"
"Except that I would miss you, Heero so if you want me to stay I would." Duo blurted out.
He longed to tell him not to go.
He desperately wanted to.
But like always, Heero did the right thing.
"But I'm letting you go."
"Are you serious?" Duo asked as if he was relief.
"Yes." he said shortly even through it was not.
The relief look on Duo's face was short-lived. It soon turned to regret and sorrow.
"I'll miss you." he said softly.
Heero wanted to say that he would miss him too but once again the words were struck in his throat.
It was his inability to communicate with others, to show his emotions.
He was struggling with himself to say it but slowly those words died when Duo smiled at him as if he understood.
"I know Heero, I know."
"Before I go, can you do something for me?"
"What it is?"
"Can you give me a goodbye kiss?"
Heero gave a sudden bitter laugh.
"I just hurt you and you actually wanted me to kiss you again?"
Duo gave a sheepish smile.
"It wasn't deliberate; I know you wouldn't hurt me."
Heero's breath caught in his throat at those words.
Duo was so trusting and so forgiving.
He gently tiled up Duo's head as his mouth captured his.
For a moment, he could pretend.
Pretend that they were leading normal lives.
Pretend that Duo was staying with him forever.
Pretend that he had the courage to tell Duo how he really felt.
His arms circled around Duo's neck tightly and his tears fall down his cheek almost at once.
He almost closed his eyes but he didn't.
He wanted to remember everything.
The expressions on Duo's face the feel of him and the strong feeling of their heart beating in a union.
He wanted to remember everything.
From the outline of every angle of the room to the smallest movement Duo made.
He wanted to remember it forever.
So that someday in the future when he was alone, he could comfort himself with this memory.
But all good things must come to a stop.
He released Duo and the kiss was broken off forever.
"I love you." Duo blurted out.
His eyes widened in surprise.
This was the first time Duo had ever admit it.
And Heero had never been happier.
"Are you serious?" he asked as a grin broke out in his face.
Duo looked at him with an unreadable expression.
"I said I loved you."
Heero grabbed him into a tight hug.
Duo lifted his gaze up to his expectantly.
And Heero knew what he should say.
What Duo was waiting for him to say.
He opened his mouth but still no words come out.
He really wanted to confess his feelings but for the life of him, he could not.
Duo just continued looking at him until realization dawned.
Heero was never going to say those words.
No words were needed for him to understand.
Because he already did.
Duo lowered his head but it was too late.
For the briefest second, Heero had already caught a glimpse of hurt in his eyes.
"Duo...I..."
"It's alright, just hold me tight."
And for the last few moments, Heero had Duo in his embrace wishing for the thousandth time that they would never be separated again.
"Do you believe in forever?" Duo asked suddenly breaking off his thought.
"There's no such thing as forever." Heero said harshly and more cruelly than he intended.
But Duo just smiled at him with his gentle smile.
As if he had expected this answer from him.
"But what if there is?" he asked quietly.
Heero's mind went blank and he was speechless for a moment.
He did not know what game he was playing but it was pointless.
All things good or bad came to an end.
Nothing lasted forever.
Maybe it was just him.
But he could not bear the thought of living forever.
Living itself was a torture and living forever meant more pain.
Just the thought of it scared him.
"There is no such thing." his tone brutal and at the same time indifferent.
He could see that he had hurt him but once again, Duo smiled brightly at him.
"Well, if there is and if fate permits, I would love nothing more than an eternity with you."
"But..."
And then he trailed off and again her face had a faraway look.
"But what?" Heero asked curiously.
"But I'm afraid I might not have that chance." he said biting her lower lip as if he was about to start crying.
"Don't say that."
Suddenly alarmed at the thought of never seeing Duo again, Heero turned toward him.
"You'll come back Duo; promise me you'll come back." Heero said urgently as a note of desperation entered his voice.
Duo just stood there with a wistful look of regret.
"Please don't ask me to lie Heero, we both know the danger."
"But you could still ask me to stay."
"You know I can't do that." Heero replied furious at the thought of himself for being so helpless.
"I can't be so selfish and you will return."
He was still struggling with himself, still working up the courage to tell Duo how much he loved him when Duo's soft fleeing voice whispered the fateful words.
"Goodbye Heero..."
"Whatever happens always remember that I would love nothing more than an eternity with you, it's just that fate doesn't permit... I might not have the chance..."
And true to his words, he never did.
Five hours later, Duo had died in his mission.
And Heero never see him again.
At first, he could not accept it.
No matter how hard he tried, he just could not.
Because Duo was already part of his life, had became his life and suddenly had come to mean so much to him.
And because he still had so much he hadn't told him yet.
He had never told Duo how much he loved him and now it was too late.
He had thought that it was his inability to share his emotions with someone else but it was more than that.
He had loved Duo so much that it was impossible to used words to describe.
That nothing could even come closed to describe what he felt.
He had let him go even if that action had broken his own heart.
He had let him go even if he knew that he might lose him for good.
He had let him go even if it was the most difficult and painful thing he had ever done.
He let him go because he loved him.
And now Duo was dead.
The pain that tormented him everyday didn't seem to go away.
He felt like dying.
If this was death, he could not understand anything more painful, more torturous than this.
He did not know what he was going to do or where he was going.
Nothing mattered anymore.
It was the cruelest trick of all.
The other day was supposed to be his happiest day on earth but it was the worst.
Duo had finally admitted his love only to have Heero lose him.
Heero just continued walking and in his state, he failed to see a car coming.
Seconds later, he was flying off the car, hitting onto the pavement.
Blood spattered everywhere.
Numbly, he realized he was going to die.
And the worst thing was he had no will to defy it.
He craved death.
He craved the oblivious that followed.
He closed his eyes and waited for death to take over.
Long after the darkness took over, he saw Duo looking very helpless and sorry promising him an eternity desperately.
And this time, he took it without hesitance.