The Archives were somewhat empty but that didn't dampen the effect that it had on Atin who gaped at it openly as they walked inside. It was majestic and grand. Vokara was confident that he'd never seen such a repository of information before.
"Impressive eh?" She said leaning over towards him. Her close proximity snapped him out of whatever spell he was in and he nodded. She chuckled softly to herself as walked through the aisles with Atin trailing behind silently. She walked among the shelves giving them a cursory glance while Atin continued to gape even as he tried to follow her. Finally she reached a shelf and began looking through the holo-books that lined the shelves hoping that she was in the right place. It'd been awhile since she'd been here and mostly she kept to the medical texts in the medical wing. So history while interesting never held her attention long enough for her to care.
"Looking for something?" She heard Madame Nu asked. She turned to answer only to see it was aimed at Atin who'd lingered behind her.
"Ah-Yes sir," Atin said quickly falling back into soldier mode. "I was accompanying General Che to finding some texts on Jedi history."
"Digital or hard copy?" Madame Nu asked Atin and then towards Vokara as she approached the two. "I'm guessing that you can't exactly lug around books while going from field to field."
"What? Oh blast!" Vokara shouted smacking her forehead with embarrassment. She'd completely forgotten that he was constantly on the move and couldn't carry books with him from mission to mission. Stupid!
"Is there an issue?" Madame Nu asked.
"I honestly forgot that Atin would be on the move and books wouldn't be able to fit into his kit. Blast it all, sorry Atin."
"Where did you purchase them?" Madame Nu looked faintly amused for some reason. Vokara wasn't sure why considering she was more embarrassed and flustered that she'd forgotten.
"Fantastic Lit, why?"
"I'd suggest looking at the receipt for that information as well as information to comm them. If you can't find it then I can give you their number to comm them," Madame Nu said walking towards a terminal. "I believe that they do offer digital copies of all purchases provided that's paid for."
"And if I didn't?" Vokara wasn't sure she did. She patted herself down for the receipt only to find it in her pouch. Looking down she saw that there was an option but she'd foolish waved it...which meant she'd have to pay twice for it. Oh well that was her fault. She'd better get this done.
"Oh star's end I'm an idiot," Vokara muttered. She looked at Atin who looked like a Fathier in the headlights. "Atin, I need to go back and get the digital copies of it. Will you be alright with Madame Nu? I'm really sorry about this."
"Ah yes, of course Che," Atin said sounding a bit nervous looking at Madame Nu. "I can stay here. It's not a big deal Che."
"Well while she's fixing that, I can show some of what you seek...in digital or physical. It's not a problem," Madame Nu said with a smile. "Forgetfulness happens to the best of us. Sometimes it just happens."
"Thank you Master," Vokara bowed to her thanks and gave an apologetic look to Atin. "I'll be back soon. Sorry again." With she rushed off to see if she could fix this mishap.
Atin watched her power walk away clearly trying to fix the issue. Atin was also kicking himself as well since he also didn't even consider the idea either. Seemed they both were caught in the moment and forgot that they were in a wartime situation...which was refreshing if he thought about it. He wasn't a soldier to her. Just a friend...That wasn't something that he was used to.
"Vokara can be quite dedicated to a task especially involving medical but a bit scattered brained when it comes to more mundane things," The woman said looking at Che with a soft smile. "This is same person who used to fall asleep while reading medical texts along with her friend Yona who was often in the history section. Bookworms Padawans I called them...Ah those two." She looked at him fully making him straighten into attention position. "I do not believe we've met. I am Master Jocasta Nu," She bowed to him. "I manage the archives here."
"RC-3222...Atin sir," Atin said as he saluted her out of respect. "As I said before Che was showing me the archives because I wanted to learn more about the Jedi. It would seem I have some glaring gaps in my knowledge of them."
"Not a surprise," Master Nu said with a sad look. "There's sadly quite a bit of misinformation and quite frankly slanderous ideas floating about in the galaxy when it comes to us."
"Well I wanted to know more about your history...and about Mandalore too which Che is getting."
"Mandalore? What for?" Master Nu asked.
"I had a trainer, his name was Walon Vau, that took up the culture and he seemed...well he was a murglak and he didn't teach us everything about it. Only the stuff he liked."
"Propaganda and indoctrination in other words," Master Nu shook her head. "I've often said that to learn of a culture, and I mean to truly learn it then one must learn it's history in full or otherwise you risk misinformation or worse blind nostalgia for something that never existed in the first place. Sounds like he's from the extremist Mandalorian sects."
"No, he's from Irmenu."
"Ah that place," Master Nu said. "I've heard that place. I've heard that they're a stubborn and rather brutal people. Seems that before being discovered by the Republic they were still in what could be considered the age of sail with a strict religious code to boot. It's a theocracy in all but name."
"Then how did they enter into galactic civilization with that kind of low level tech?" Atin blinked confusedly. Vau came from that kind of backwater planet?
"Through force on their part," Master Nu said grimly. "You see there was crash on the planet. The crew managed to get a distress signal out before they landed. Upon reaching the ground they were soon hunted by the natives. Eventually the Republic came to their aid saving the last of them along with some pirate allies that had aided them. A Camaasi Jedi named Ylenic It'kla was sent with a diplomatic team to discuss their entry into the wider galaxy...It went poorly at first with the Irmenu being a very proud to the point of sheer obstinate and foolishness. That and the religious caste was more concerned with maintaining control instead of helping the people. Fortunately saner minds prevailed and trade was allowed...to a point. But for the most part they keep to themselves save for renegades both good and bad. I personally believe that had it their way they'd stay isolated and alone. They seemed to revel in being what some have described as "tough guy" mentality."
" 'Tough guy'?"
"A mentality that dictates that to be a man you must be stoic to the point of emotionless. And the only acceptable emotion in particular for men is anger and aggression and only those. For the women that mentality indicates that women exist as a prize or an object for the man. And their only value is keeping out the home. Not their accomplishments or as people sadly. So as you can see it's quite an oppressive society. They don't technically break Republic laws but they pushing the line quite a bit. I personally think that quite a few of their traditions do break them in my opinion."
"Sounds like Vau alright," Atin nodded. "That's pretty much how he lived and taught quite a few of us that. I don't think some took it well...I think they adopted more a Mandalorian mindset."
"The main Mandalorian warrior culture may have it's faults but thankfully an ingrained unhealthy expression of masculinity isn't one of them," Master Nu said. "So it sounds like he took a hybrid approach which is all well and good but only if you apply a more positive outlook while being mindful of the problematic elements. Otherwise the hybrid is well to be frank a mess."
"Sounds like it," Atin agreed. "That's why I need more information. I need more knowledge so I can know."
"Well that I can help with," Master Nu said with a smile. "Now let's see what we can fine."
Sha Koon was usually a calmer and more reasonable Jedi...But now she was livid as she was relaying to her uncle and two of the senior Masters what she'd been told and allowed to say with permission of Etain.
"She was almost sexually assaulted?" Her uncle Plo Koon said stunned while Master Windu and most especially Master Yoda looked livid as she felt. "And that one farmer's response to the attack was essentially "Aw you aren't pretty enough to be assaulted!?" What in the name of all things sacred is wrong!?"
"Well I was thinking that if planet wasn't a molten slag I was thinking castrations of all the men on it would be in order starting with that farmer," Master Windu hissed.
"I'm tempted as well for that suggestion ..."
"Restraint there is," Master Yoda said thumping down his gimer stick for emphasis giving Master Windu and Master Koon a reproachful look even as they fumed with outrage on Etain's behalf. "Not giving into temptations."
"My apologies Master, but I have little tolerance for that level of insensitivity and misogynistic pigs," Master Windu snapped. "She was nearly sexually assaulted! And his response is appalling!"
"Find a means to let it inspire you to do justice, you should," Master Yoda said as he breathed out allowing his anger to subside at least a little into the Force. "Understand your anger I do. But taking it out others, acceptable it is not. Find a means of restitution not vengeance."
"Back to the matter at hand," Sha Koon said. "I've recommended counseling and said if she needed help that she could call upon us. Master Leem is seeing her I think."
"Thanks be," Master Windu said. "Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to sparring room. Since I can't act out what I'd really like to do out of mainly charity and compassion and also practicality I'm going to take it out on some dummies."
"I...I would hard pressed to say that I don't want to do the same," Plo Koon commented after they'd watched Master Windu storm off. After a brief second he turned back to Sha.
"Is there anything more that can be done?" Sha asked.
"No Sha, you've done all that you can do in this situation," Master Koon assured her. "Now you must allow her to heal with the help of professionals and yourself should she seek it from you."
"Yes Masters," Sha bowed her head.
The session was a tad uncomfortable but to Etain it felt good to get a boatload off of her mind. Master Meeks Leem was very calm and patient which made it easy to shoot the breeze with her as well as talking about issues that bothered her...Like the prospect of being kicked out for not being good enough. Well actually Sha Koon had been a huge blessing. She'd never imagined how relieving it was to have someone listen to her. To be enraged on her behalf and offer her advise and not talked down to. Even Omega squad hadn't done to her. Not Darman so much but the others had especially Nines...
"What makes you think we'd kick you out for failing?" Master Leem asked once she was done expressing this viewpoint to her. " If you wish to stay and don't succeed in becoming a Knight then we can find other means in which you can serve. If not then there's no shame in leaving. We don't hold it against anyone. Not everyone is cut out to be a Jedi. We only kick those that egregiously messed up while endangering others, or committed a huge immorality, or doing an illegal activity. Stars, child we've got busts of those that left the Order as a memorial. Hardly a shame."
"But I failed to save him," Etain said.
"From my understanding it sounded like circumstance were out of your control," Master Leem countered gently. "You failed and there is no shame in it. Sometimes it happens. You can't control everything. Sometimes you have to accept it and try to be honest with yourself. Yes there will be some times where you can do something and you failed to do so. But this is not one of those times. This is something that was completely out of your control and were you to act would've resulted in more death and distraction and possibly your own life being lost. Your life is precious and yes his life is precious to but all of us in the Order would not want you to meet with the sacrifice your life if it meant that you would die pointlessly."
Etain ducked her head feeling the shame from her failure. What kind of person was she?
"Someone who recognizes their limits," Master Leem said calmly. Etain blushed when she realized that she'd said that part aloud. "I sense doubt in you. Do you want to talk about it?"
"I-..." she wasn't sure how to articulate her sense of failure. But then again she knew she'd have to face it like she had faced down Hokan only to is was different. Fighting an external enemy was easy but dealing with one's own judgments and self worth wasn't. "You know of Agri-Corps and how the screw ups are sent there?"
"Ah yes that myth," Master Leem said shaking her eyestalks in Gran exasperation. "Yes that is a pervasive myth among some crèches."
"So you don't send people there because they mess up?" Etain asked. She'd never realized it was a myth. It was so ingrained into her that it was a place for failures that it was hard to believe otherwise.
"No, it's not where we send "screw ups". It's were so the Council or most of the time the Master of said student feels they can do the most good. Not everyone is cut out to be Knight in the negotiation core and that's okay. Some find their calling in other things. There's no shame in it," Master Leem said.
"They're...they're not failures?" Etain asked timidly. "It's not a punishment?"
"Why would helping people with crops and famine be a punishment?" Master Leem looked at her. "Was it your Master that told you that?"
"Well..." she hesitated. He hadn't told her directly but he'd heavily implied it in his many criticisms of her character. She'd been paired with him later in her teens which didn't help out her self esteem...
"Yes and no. Yes to a certain extent he just did hint at it. But no he never really said it aloud it was. It was just in his actions," Etain said.
"Well I'm sorry you have that viewpoint because that's not what it is. They are people who help others with crop famine and various other food shortages. And working in it is an honor. Oh it's not an exciting life to be sure but it's still a great honor because you are still serving even if it's not in the grandiose sense," Master Leem said. "Were it not from my skill in soothing others and wanting to help others with their mental stresses, then I probably wouldn't mind that call. But the Force that other ideas for me. My good friend Jambe did get that calling and he's enjoying it with his new found friends."
Etain sat on the couch floored at the admission. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine that anyone would find the job nothing less then a smack in the face.
"So...he likes it there?"
"Yes he does," Master Leem said with a gently smile. "You must realize that the Force calls people to different paths of service. We are but branches in the Force, we all serve in our own way."
So..."What if I wanted to serve the war effort outside the Order?"
"Then go to the officer corp," Master Leem said easily. "We do need none Jedi to help out. I understand that Intelligence namely Special Ops is often looking for people."
"I...I'll think about it," Etain said. And indeed she did have much to think about. This was perhaps the most she'd gotten to expressing something to a Master...Well that was mainly because she didn't talk her issues with anyone and Kast Fulier made her feel as if her issues didn't matter. She'd found much to her shock that Fulier was well in his way out. He wanted to leave to clearly do something else. What that wasn't certain and given his death now no one would know. Which explained his negligence. She wasn't interesting to him. Otherwise why would he as a teacher allow her self confidence to be so shot? Even the most stern of Masters did build up the confidence of the Padawan. Not tear it down.
"Please take your time," Master Leem said with nod. "And remember if you need to talk, Master Yoda, myself and your Master are here for you. We don't mind talking, it'll help. Communication can help with anxieties young one."
"Yes Master," Etain said relieved beyond measure. She had a chance and more importantly a choice. She needed time yes but she was allowed it. And really that was all she needed right now. Time.