30 Ways to Make Sasuke Uchiha Punch You in the Teeth
1. Write a lemony Sasu/Saku fanfic. (No offense)
2. Jump on his kitchen table and dance for a full ten minutes proclaiming you are "dancing like a little monkey".
3. (Carefully) Place a pair of headphones over Sasuke's ears while he sleeps. Connect the headphones to the radio. Turn it to the 24/7 All Polka Station.
4. Watch "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and give Sasuke strange glances for the rest of the week.
5. Wrap alluminum foil around your head, and run around his apartment, declaring you are warding away phsychic predators.
6. Talk to various fruits and vegetables. Wherever you go.
7. Threaten to tell the world he sleeps with a stuffed penguin.
8. Cry "ITACHI'S HERE!" in the middle of the night.
9. Smile and hug him.
10. Whenever he scratches his bum, scream "EH!" and point.
12. Put shaving cream in his shoes.
13 Steal some of Sakura's bras and hang them over his room.
14. Tell Ino Sasuke is madly in love with her, and needs a big sloppy kiss.
15. Put a rotting avocado in his pillow case.
16. Tip off his fan girls to his every location.
17. Put a dead lizard in his ramen.
18. Make him read a Sasu/Naru fic. Better yet, make it a limey Sasu/Naru.
19. Talk to Kakashi-sensei incessantly about how Sasuke wears a man-bra.
20. Cover the apartment in pictures of weasels.
21. Smoosh up collard greens, and hide them in his onigiri.
22. Draw complex tattoos all over his skin with Sharpie Markers while he sleeps.
23. Talk of nothing more then how much better looking Rock Lee is then him.
24. Replace his shampoo with Clorox.
25. Tell his fan club that Sasuke just LOVES Kingdom Hearts cosplayers.
26. Whenever he farts, (whether he thinks anyone heard him or not) blow on a large tuba.
27. Tie a bicycle horn to your head. For no reason at all.
28. When he goes off with Oro, trash his apartment, then haul his finely muscled tush back home. Not even Orochimaru will bother an angry fan fiction reader.
29. Go behind the apartment building and find a mangy alley cat, the dirtier, smellier, and angrier the better. Take him home with you, feed him, groom him, make him a bed on Sasuke's clean boxer shorts, name him "Itachi". And demand Sasuke call him "Itachi-Chan".
30. Just after his alarm goes off (roughly 6 to 11 seconds afterwards) walk up to him and say, "Did you and Itachi-San have a good time last night?", waggling your eyebrows suggestively.
A/N: OK, the last one was just sick. But, I'm enjoying all these so much... And, Rock Leeis soooo much better looking then Sasuke. -huggles Rock Lee plushie-
NEW FEAUTURE! I have to add some "story" to this, or I'll get in trouble, so... Sasuke's reaction:
Sasuke's eyes scanned the list with horror.
"Polka... collard greens... Man bra?.. KINGDOM HEARTS COSPLAYERS?" Sasuek looked completely lost. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
He rushed to the door to lock it, but alas! Too late! Hundreds of Riku cosplayers knocked down the door and began flooding into his apartmentt.
"Sasuke-kun! Sasuke-kun!" they cryed. "We want to have your children!"
Sasuke began inching towards to window. Perhaps he could leap to his death. No, he couldn't. For there were more cosplayers on the sidewalk then in his apartment!
"Sasuke-chan! Sasuke-koi!" they yelled.
Sasuke ran to the bathroom. Perhaps he could drown himself in the toilet.