Katniss awoke the next morning to a slight pressure on her hand, turning her head she saw Finnick sitting in a chair next to her, his upper half spread across the side of the bed. She didn't recall having any nightmares, which hadn't happened since Peeta had held her on their way to the Quarter Quell. For the first time in as long as she could remember she felt well rested. She studied Finnick quietly, he looked so young without the constant furrow on his brow and without jaw clenched as though he was seconds away from crying out in pain. She waited until his hand relaxed and she slowly slipped out of bed.

Katniss resisted an unusual urge to run her hand across his cheek and instead made her way to the bathroom, disrobing and studying herself in the mirror. She was still too thin, a liquor diet meant that her ribs poked out unpleasantly out from her sides and she pinched the skin and grimaced. She lightly fingered the scars that crossed her cheek down the side of her neck to her collarbone. With a sigh she ran her other hand across her left side, tracing the scar that ran from her stomach to her ankle. Finnick had managed to put out the flames that coated her body before they could do much damage but the scars that were there were a stark reminder of her failure.

When she closed her eyes she saw Peeta with Prim cradled in his arms before they were completely obscured by the flames. She could feel every second of it as the fire was still consuming her, licking hungrily at her skin. She reached towards them as if she could pull them away from the danger. The screams from rebels and Capitolites alike reverberated in her bones while the cries of half dead children tore through her like daggers. She shook her head lightly she backed away from the mirror and stepped into the shower. She turned the water until it burned as if the scalding water could scorch her as those flames had burned her soul.

She had never gotten used to the unlimited hot water supply in her house, baths before she was a victor consisted of a pot boiling over the fire and scrubbing herself down as fast as she could before it became unbearably cold. Even then she had always let Prim bathe first. The water rushed over her and for a moment she found herself enjoying the sensation, letting it work it's way through the tight muscles of her shoulders and back.

She wondered where she was supposed to go from here. She had never considered what awaited her at the end of the Revolution. Her plans had ended at Snow's death; and if she was being honest she had counted on dying long before she even reached the Capitol. Just one more victim claimed by the ruthlessness of war, a martyr to be twisted and used by Coin to further the cause.

Yet here she was, alive, forced to face her grief and deal with the memories of those who had sacrificed themselves so she could succeed at a yet unknown goal.

Her thoughts suddenly turned to the Morphling who had jumped in front of Peeta in the Quell, willingly letting a baboon tear out her throat.

She had paid little attention when Haymitch had pointed her out, just another person she would have to kill to survive. She had never known the woman's name but this woman given her life to save Peeta; simply because he was crucial to Katniss's survival, to the success of the mission. Would she consider her sacrifice needed when Peeta had still come to mercy at the hands of the Capitol? Would she think her life had been wasted?

Katniss's mind burned with the color of that sunset, of Peeta's voice urging the woman to turn her eyes to the sky. The beautiful strokes of colors painted above them while the Morphling's hand ran across Peeta's jaw just before the light left her eyes.

Suddenly the steam from the shower felt suffocating and Katniss violently pushed herself from the glass cage. She panted desperately on the floor, allowing the cool tile to ground her back to reality. She took several moments before standing, willing her shoulders to stop shaking. She wrapped the towel around herself, avoiding the mirror and walking directly from the bathroom to her closet.

She found little relief there as all of the clothes screamed with Cinna's handiwork, one more person who has sacrificed himself for her, as if she was worthy of such a thing. She clawed at the drawer she knew held casual wear and dressed as quickly as she could. She forced herself to breath as she stumbled out of the closet directly into Finnick's arms.

Her chest was tight and her vision had blurred as the memories assaulted her. Unintelligible sobs tore from her throat as he held her ans if letting go meant she would fade into nothingness. Her whole body shook as he carried her back to her bed, laying her gently on the blankets, crawling up beside her.

He said nothing as the grief ripped through her, simply running his hands over her and rocking her gently back and forth. She lost herself in the memories of the last two years.

What kind of fool had she been to think that Finnick being there could assuage all the guilt that refused to be forgotten? How desperately she wanted to turn it off, to give herself any reprieve from the terror that seemed to follow her every waking moment. There was no escape, she would carry this forever.

She thought she heard Haymitch but just as quickly he was gone again. She cried until there was nothing left, letting herself fold into Finnick's embrace. She tried to focus only on Finnick, the way his arms curved around her, how he held every part of her, body and soul. Every unpleasant memory forced aside as she concentrated only on him, not really hearing his words but clinging to the deep baritone of his voice.

Finally after what seemed like an endless amount of time the room began to focus around her again. She took several deep breaths and pulled herself out of his grasp. She ran her fingers through her damp hair and stood up. She didn't dare look Finnick in the eye for fear that she would lose herself again. Instead she mumbled a thank you and stumbled out of the room and down the stairs.

The kitchen was empty but two plates of eggs and sausage sat on the table. Finnick had wordlessly followed her down from her room, thankfully he asked no questions instead taking a seat and taking a drink as she stood in the doorway.

He took his time with his breakfast, pausing occasionally to look at Katniss. After a while she felt she had composed herself enough to join him at the table, forcing herself to eat even though the food felt like sandpaper grinding down her already raw throat. When she had cleaned her plate, a habit she was unable to break, Finnick cleared their dishes.

"Want to talk about it?" He asked.

"Not really," she answered softly intently studying the grain of the table avoiding Finnick's gaze.

He left it at that, stacking the dishes in the strainer and wiping his hands on his pants. "What do you want to do today?"

"Drink."

He chuckled softly sitting back across from her. "Anything except that."

Before her games she might have spent time with Gale in the woods, gone to the Hob with Prim, or mixed medicines for her mother. Yet these simple acts were so far out of her grasp she felt her chest constrict again, indecision making her breath comes in short gasps. It had been too long since she had made a choice as simple as what to do with her day.

"Hey, it's okay we can take it easy today. The weather's nice, let's just sit outside for awhile." His hand came across the table and gripped hers firmly. He gave her a small grin and didn't let go of her as he stood and pulled her towards the front door.

They sat together on the front stairs, it was later than Katniss expected, the sun already high overhead. She wondered how she was supposed to spend with her days now. There was no real need to hunt, she had no one to care for except herself, no need to grind herbs for medicine as there was no one to administer them, Gale was gone and the thought of going into the woods made her shudder. How did ordinary people spend their time? What was left for her to give?

Perhaps Snow had achieved one last victory before his death, while the Revolution was successful everything she loved had turned to ash. She thought of his face when she sank her arrow into Coin's heart, his maniacal laughter had echoing around her even as Finnick's trident embedded itself in his chest. He died knowing that although he lost Panem but he had finally broken her.

She found herself unable to sit still on the stairs instead deciding to walk the square of the Victor's Village. Finnick stayed where he was, his eyes following the restless path she wore.

She questioned how she had survived so many hours of idleness. How quickly she had lost an entire year, floating in a haze as the seasons passed around her. Her absence had made little to no impact, the New Panem had seemingly cast her aside. A broken symbol who had served her purpose, now she would be forgotten.

Perhaps it was for the best, there was nothing left for her to offer.

Finnick watched as she paced, giving her a hopeful smile every time she passed. After awhile he pulled the rope out of his pocket and began to tie knots. The action was a comfortable as breathing for him anymore as his fingers twisted the strand into intricate braids.

Sae appeared sometime later with Daisy trailing close behind her. She told them to fetch Haymitch and she would begin preparing dinner. Finnick hadn't even noticed that lunch time had come and gone as he trailed behind Katniss to the elder Victor's door.

Katniss barged right in calling for Haymitch. When there was no answer they searched the house finding him asleep in the upstairs bathroom, bottle clutched in his hands. After several unsuccessful attempts to wake him Katniss turned water to cold and doused him with the removable shower head.

He awoke violently swinging his empty liquor bottle around wildly while spewing curses.

"What in the hell is the matter with you girl?" Haymitch sputtered wiping the water out of his eyes .

"It was time for your bath anyways, I did everyone a favor." Katniss responded dryly.

"Be that as it may… I do not appreciate your concern." Haymitch shot her a glare as Finnick covered his face to hide a snicker.

"No reason to make Greasy Sae suffer, for some ungodly reason she wants to feed you. She's over making dinner right now." Katniss said giving him a pointed look.

"Oh well, why didn't you say so? Let's get a move on Princess." Haymitch replied stumbling to the stairs.

Katniss followed Haymitch out the door ignoring the slur of words streaming from his mouth. Finnick took the time to quickly change his clothes and fix his hair, giving himself a small grin in the mirror before trailing out behind them.

The smell of sizzling meat greeted them as they walked into the kitchen at Katniss's house, Haymitch grumbled appreciatively, ignoring Sae's look of disapproval as he slumped into a chair.

There was little conversation as they ate. Instead there was only the scraping of forks against plates and Daisy's soft humming to break the quiet.

Haymitch was too busy shoveling food into his mouth to notice the strained look on Katniss's face, but for Finnick it was unmistakable. He had seen it reflected in his own when he had reached the end of his rationale. When he had decided everyone would be better off without him, that he had nothing left to give.

He said nothing but his eyes never left her face, even when Sae cleared their plates and shooed Haymitch back home, following close behind him. He was still studying her intently while she prowled across the sitting room. Katniss showed no sign that she noticed, restlessly moving around the room.

"It's okay to be afraid," Finnick murmured quietly when she passed him as he sat on the couch.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Katniss brushed off, not missing a step in her pacing.

"I know what it's like to feel empty. To have no purpose, to feel like the world has moved on, forgetting you. But what your're thinking about, it will only hurt everyone that's left behind." He paused looking her directly in the eye, "And everyone that's not."

Katniss faltered only momentarily, but the guilt in her eyes was evident. She tensed waiting for Finnick to continue, but he only took his rope from his pocket and began tying knots.

Katniss abandoned her pacing a little while later instead moving to sit beside Finnick on the couch. She said nothing as his fingers worked to shape the rope. Sighing she laid her head on his shoulder.

"How do I survive when all the good in my world has been taken away?"

"You try and find new good I suppose," Finnick said without looking at her. "Just because we can't see it right now doesn't mean that it doesn't exist."

"How can I believe that? Everywhere I look all I can see is the pain and suffering. Every time I close my eyes it's right there. Mocking me, telling me that I haven't done enough. That it will never be enough.."

"Because the only thing you are seeing is your own pain, which of course is something you are allowed to do. "

He set the rope aside and turned to face her. "But don't forget what you have done for so many people Katniss. You inspired a nation, you gave them hope, you made them believe that they deserved to be free. You took something burning beneath the surface and coaxed it into a full fledged inferno. I know you that you have lost so much, but you have given so much more than you realize."

Katniss shook her head softly, "It's not enough Finnick, I don't care about any of them. Not like Prim or Peeta…"

"And no one expects you to kitten." He took her hand into his, running his thumb across her knuckles. "This is not something that is going to be easy. Nothing will make that pain go away. Everyday there will be something that will hurt, some reminder of everything that's gone. You will not get through this in one day, not in 10 years, probably never. It's always going to hurt Katniss, the best we can do is survive. But I promise I will be here every step of the way, whatever you need I will be right here with you. Together we will survive"

Katniss said nothing as she leaned closer into him. Her head fell to his lap and he began running his fingers through her hair. "Where do I find good Finnick? I have nothing left and I'm not sure that I can find hope in anything. Prim was my light, she was everything good in the world. Everything I wanted to flourish, and instead it's just gone."

"I can't answer that, I don't think anyone can." He paused before continuing. "Sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is thinking about what Annie would want me to do. She wasn't crazy like everyone thought she was, this mad Victor. She was there most of the time before...before she was taken. What everyone saw wasn't who she was, she was wonderful, but any reminders of what she had gone through just broke her. She had this infectious laugh and a smile that could brighten any room. She had the voice of an angel and could weave these stories so full of wonder and magic, I like to think that's where she went when things got to be too much for her." He preferred not to think of the alternative.

"She would be so disappointed in me if I gave up, even though she wasn't strong enough. She knew that I was and I just repeat that to myself every time I pull myself out of the nightmares. Things might not have ended up the way I wanted them to, but I can't change the past and it only hurts to dwell in it. We are alive and here now. So even if you are only taking it one second at a time you owe it to Prim…and Peeta to try to live your life. And maybe, possibly enjoy your life."

Katniss didn't have a response to that so she just sighed and they fell into a comfortable silence. Finnick turned on the television and they settled into to watch another cooking show.

As the episode wound to a close Katniss found herself yawning, but prolonging going to sleep because she wasn't ready to confront the nightmares that would surely greet her. With a groan she pulled herself out of Finnick's lap, she hesitated, unsure what to do.

Finnick had come to her the first night he was there, reassuring her when the nightmares had ripped her apart despite the horrible things she had said. This morning she had awoken to him asleep at her side with the first real rest she had gotten in over a year. She thought back to the many nights she and Peeta had shared a bed, keeping each other's horrors at bay.

She assumed he was planning on staying with Haymitch, she had seen his suitcase when they went over earlier. She considered asking him to stay, but Finnick seemed to take her hesitation as a sign to leave so he stood and placed a chaste kiss on her head. "I'll see you for breakfast Kitten, don't eat all of the bacon."

She sat on the couch for a little longer before making her way to her room, the sooner she went to sleep the sooner she could wake up. After changing into a nightgown she crawled into her bed, eyeing the bottle of liquor that still sat on her bedside table. There was enough left to ensure that she wouldn't dream, but imagining the disappointment on Finnick's face was enough to force her to turn away.

She felt as if she had barely closed her eyes when it began. Her dreams were a blur of white roses mingled with burning flesh and Snow's laughter. Each moment seemingly stretched into eternity.

This time she felt his presence before she was even fully awake. He was cradling her in his arms again, this time he was softly singing into her ear while he stroked her hair. As soon as she was free of the nightmare she began openly sobbing into his shoulder.

Katniss realized she hadn't been asleep for long, evident in the stars she saw outside of her bedroom window when she finally wiped the tears from her face. She felt guilty for keeping Finnick awake again realizing he must have heard her from Haymitch's house, but she was silently grateful he was there. When she tried to apologize he shushed her, instead arranging them more comfortably on the bed and continuing to murmur what she assumed was a song from District 4. She felt her eyelids grow heavy and soon she was asleep in a blissful dreamless state.

When she awoke again it was to a crashing in the kitchen accompanied by shouting. Her Victor's instincts kicked in and she jumped out of bed grabbing the bottle next to her to use as a weapon. She didn't even pay attention to an equally alert Finnick following her down the stairs.

She couldn't stop her laughter at the scene that greeted her in the kitchen. Greasy Sae was swatting an obviously drunk Haymitch with a wooden spoon while his arms, thrown over his head, who was taking the brunt of her frustration.

"…don't know what kind of nonsense you got up to in the Capitol, but I'll have none of it, you hear me?" Sae screeched giving him a final swat with her spoon.

"Jesus woman, calm yourself." Haymitch shouted, a piece of bacon hanging out of his mouth, retreating to his seat at the table.

Upon seeing Katniss and Finnick Sae's face changed to a smile as she motioned for them to sit at the table placing plates full of food in front of them.

"Everything okay?" Finnick asked before starting on his breakfast. Katniss set the bottle on the table and Haymitch grabbed it immediately pouring some into his tea.

"Oh it's no never mind to you darling, this old geezer just needs some lessons in manners," Sae replied raising her spoon towards Haymitch who suddenly appeared extremely interested in his eggs. With that she turned back to the stove and dished herself a plate.

Katniss tried to hide her smile behind her hand while Haymitch shot her dirty looks in between bites. "Keep laughing sweetheart, wait until she turns that spoon on you. She's a vicious old bat," he grumbled.

The rest of breakfast went without incident but as everyone shuffled out of the door the telephonme gave a shrill ring.