Chapter Four

The Helpless Soldier

Heero walked, where he was going he wasn't sure, but he walked just the same. He didn't want to explode on Duo, he was only asking a simple question. He didn't know…how it happened. He wanted to tell Duo, to explain exactly what happened and vent all of his feelings to him. He knew it would make him feel better if he did, but he couldn't. He refused to let himself be distracted again. He had already lost one love that way, there was no use in losing an old friend that way.

Heero stopped when he found himself in front of a pond in the middle of a small forest. He didn't even remember pushing through the trees that surrounded him. He walked over to the edge of the water and sat down. In the reflection he saw himself. His eyes were tear-stained and his cheeks were red. Had he been crying? He never cried!

He reached down into the water and splashed his face a few times. He had to pull himself together. If any of the others were killed because of him…well, he didn't think he could take it. A sound behind him made him freeze. He remained still, staring into the water and listening. The sound grew closer and when he felt a presence behind him, he reached back and flung the figure over his head and into the water.

Coughing and spluttering, Duo resurfaced, his loose braid falling out and covering his face. Guilt washed over Heero. First he yelled at Duo and then he threw him in the water; what would he do to him next? Duo pulled himself from the water and started to ring-out his clothes. He glanced sheepishly over to Heero and smirked. Heero recognized it as the same look he often gave his friends during the old war.

"Okay, I guess I deserved that." He chuckled.

Heero grunted and turned back to look into the water. Inside, his mind was screaming at him to apologize to Duo; but his cynical nature wouldn't allow it. Duo sat cautiously next to Heero and both men stared into the still water. Duo knew Heero well enough to know that he would talk when he was ready, until then, he would just sit. Heero smiled inwardly at his friend. Duo knew him too well. He glanced over at the still dripping brunette and smirked.

"You're all wet." He stated.

Duo turned and smirked again. He knew that was Heero's way of apologizing. He just shrugged and chuckled. "At least I don't have to bathe now." He winked.

Heero grunted and turned back to the water. Duo watched the watery figure of his friend and his smile faded.

"I'm sorry, Heero." He finally said.

Heero turning to him and Duo met his gaze.

"I'm sorry about Relena." He continued, "I didn't realize…It was insensitive of me." Then he smirked. "You know me, all talk and no tact."

Heero's expression didn't change, but he nodded. "You didn't know." He said and turned back to the water.

"That's no excuse." Heero looked back to his friend, slightly startled by the tone of his voice. He was frowning and his eyes reflected his guilt. "I shouldn't have said it, Heero. It's just that sometimes I talk before I think. I used to be better…during the war, and even after…It's just that ever since Hilde died…" his voice cracked and he turned back to the water. "Sorry…what I'm trying to say is…I'm sorry."

Heero stared at the braided man next to him. He could tell he was hurting and Heero could relate. Losing the one you love hurts more than the strongest explosion – and they had seen plenty of those. Heero looked back into the water and noticed a single tear fall from Duo's eye, obscuring the watery picture below.

"I'm sorry too." He said before standing up and walked back out of the clearing, leaving Duo alone to gather his thoughts.