Katniss walked with purpose now that she had a destination in mind. She hadn't thought of the lake since before the Quarter Quell, a lifetime ago. She knew that Gale had brought the survivors from 12 there as they watched their world burn. She knew painful memories would litter the path. There was only a moment's hesitation before she carried on, knowing that if she was to share this place with anyone it would be Finnick, even if he might not appreciate it for the same reasons.

She felt the guilt as it clawed at her throat again, guilt that it was her and not Prim that was here, guilt that she hadn't realized that the anniversary of her sister and Peeta's death had so quickly escaped her until the reporters had swarmed. Then Finnick was there, just like he always was, saving her, taking her to the one place she felt safe.

Part of her wanted to hate him for knowing her so well, for always being there to save her when she felt the last tendrils of her sanity slipping away. Constantly an anchor in the storm when the memories seemed ready to wash her away. She wanted to resent him for not letting her drown, but she knew that wasn't fair to him. He was treading water right along with her, in his own memories, in his own regrets. If she was being honest she knew that he must have many more than her. He had been a Victor for years, lived through more than she could imagine. Now here they both were stuck in endless waves of grief, constantly acting as buoys, keeping the other afloat.

The laugh that had escaped when Finnick started as the deer passed caught her off guard and she was even more surprised at how easily the words came as she began to describe the forest moments later.

Sharing all of the things she could remember made her think of how the only other person she had been out here with in ages was Gale.

Her words carried them for the next bit of the journey until they passed the large rock that Katniss used to mark that she was headed in the right direction. The first fire pit caught her off guard, it was small, obviously made by Gale, meant to attract very little attention, big enough to cook on but able to be snuffed out quickly.

She stumbled as images of the fire bombed road in the District made her chest tighten. She knew Gale had brought them here, the survivors.

While the memories of seeing the Town Square would haunt her forever she hadn't considered that the survivors of her District would have obviously left traces of their survival before being taken to District 13.

She only realized the broken sound she heard came from herself when she felt the soft pressure of Finnick's hand gripping hers.

Of course the last thing any of them would be concerned about was hiding any trace of themselves.

She was relieved when Finnick said nothing.

I'm not fine at all, Katniss thought as she walked towards what was once her only safe space from the Capitol.

While she hadn't known all of the people in 12 there were faces she recognized and remembered as they walked through the many halls of District 13. Nameless vendors from the Hob, people who had visited her mother when they were sick, people she never bothered getting to know and only remembered because they would buy her squirrels.

Every fire pit or patch of flattened forest was a reminder of a family or group of people she had condemned to this life.

She remembered Gale talking about the grueling trek he had made with the small portion he had managed to save, leaving the rest to burn when she brought everything crashing down.

"They all died, you know, Peeta's family. Hardly anyone who didn't live in the Seam got out. Peeta wouldn't have anyone left. No one except for me, maybe it's better if he's not here." The words almost caught in her throat, but as she said them she knew it was true.

"Katniss," Finnick said softly.

She didn't bother letting him finish, instead shaking her head and pushing forward, she wanted to show him. When she let the recent additions fade into the background, it was just as she remembered. Safe and removed from District 12, which was why Gale had brought them here.

A selfish part of her wanted to be angry at him for sharing her sanctuary, but she shook the thought away. In reality she knew there was nothing she would rather it be used for than to protect people the same way she had tried to protect Prim. She knew in the deepest parts of her heart that if she had been here she would have been right beside Gale pulling as many as she could to safety. Although had she been here maybe none of this would have happened.

It would be Gale, not Finnick at her six, if they had called anyone but Prim's name. She never would have known the true cost.

Her anger would have burned the same as his given the chance, without the Games, without Snow. Before she was a Victor she would have collapsed the Nut without a second thought, perhaps a fleeting twinge of remorse but little else. Not realizing they were just pawns like the rest.

Perhaps they could have had something once, not in a traditional way, but she had loved the man he could have become. Before everything had changed.

Signs of the Gale she remembered were evident all around her and this was where she mourned everything that had never gotten the chance to be. Her Gale, who dived into situations a little too quickly, who would shoot at the doe before seeing the fawn. She had loved him, maybe not in the way she had heard in stories in the past, but in her own way he would always have a piece of her heart.

Before Peeta. Before Finnick.

The thought brought her up short and she cast the thought away, turning her attention instead to the forest around her. Her eyes settled immediately on the cement structure to her left, her mind going back to a red haired girl.

"Gale and I saw it once," She said, grateful when Finnick looked at the building instead of her. "people escaping. They were trying to get to 13, but the Capitol got to them first. She looked right at me, begging me to save her and we did nothing but watch." She drew in a ragged breath before continuing on, "Then I saw her again, I don't even know how they knew, but she was the Avox that served us in the tribute chambers in my first games."

Finnick still said nothing but the pained look on his face made Katniss wonder if that made it better or worse.

"That was it for me, you know? That was the instant I knew that this nightmare would never let me go. It wasn't when we did our tour or anything like that, it was when I saw those two kids willing to risk everything and in the end it made no difference. Then it came back to haunt me in a way I could have never even imagined."

It was a few moments before she spoke again. There are so many memories this place brought, her father, her last meeting with Gale, Bonnie and Twill, Cressinda and Pollux and Castor. Instead what came out of her mouth almost surprised her.

"I don't regret killing her." Katniss said flatly, although she knew Finnick already knew. "She killed Prim, not the Capitol, after everything. The revolution killed them both. The bombs, everyone thought it was Snow but it wasn't. He told me he wouldn't have wasted human life like that. That somehow only killing a few of us a year was enough, and I believed him. He didn't lie. I knew even before he said it. Even when I was the Mockingjay I was just another tribute."

"I have never felt relief like I did when I put my trident in Snow's chest. The Revolution may have taken Annie's body but the Capitol took her soul a long time ago." His voice was so quiet that Katniss would have missed it if she wasn't so attuned to everything about him in that moment. They were so different in so many ways but in so many ways they were the same.

Finnick managed a wry smile when Katniss turned to look at him. "What a pair we make Katniss Everdeen."

Sensing the moment had gotten too heavy Finnick smirked at her, "so did you bring me out to your getaway in the woods to seduce me Kitten?" He rose his eyebrows suggestively at her a few times until her composure broke and she smacked him on the arm with the hand that was grasped in his.

"You are insufferable." She took the out for what it was, ignoring the heat that crept up her cheeks. "Come on, we're almost there." She pushed all thoughts of Gale, and the Games away continuing down the path.

She hadn't turned away fast enough for Finnick to miss the blush and his chuckles followed her down the path until they turned the last bend.

He fell silent as he came up beside her and the lake came into view.