Spectator
There she is- in a yellow turtleneck and a jean skirt. A little taller than usual from her heeled black boots. We haven't talked in a while. After all, we both have a complicated history. She's pushing a little boy on a swing. He looks just like his father. Her other boy, the one of the slide, looks the same way. So does the other one: her other boy. They both have blonde hair. Yellower than the fucking sun. And there is their mother with sunflower orange hair. It's a pity neither one took after her.
Even though the old crew is all pushing thirty, I can still picture her in that helmet. Her turtleneck morphs into her sleeveless shirt, and her skirt is easily swapped with jeans. Where did those gloves go after all this time? Does she still have my helmet?
Her younger son looks more like her. He's got her eyes. It's the spitting image of her eyes. But that's it. They're cute kids, but they're also epitomes of Matt. Those should be my features. I should be standing there next to her, pushing two sons with moppy brown hair and beautiful crimson eyes.
The little boy runs this way. I hear his mother yell at him to put on his helmet before he gets on the bike. He yells back "okay". As he rides closer, I notice that helmet of his. Robin's egg blue where it hasn't peeled. My helmet.
There's a dip ahead, but I can't say anything. I hope he makes it. He really does have his mother's eyes. Especially with that helmet on.
I hear a crash and sure enough it's that little boy. He's crying and holding his knee. But his mother is almost on the other side of the park. Do I go? What if she see's me? Will he think that I'm just a perv? I don't even know the child.
Sure enough my legs start walking towards him. There's no way I'd be convinced otherwise. I have a weakness for kids, and this one is hers.
"Are you okay?" I ask the sobbing child.
"No" he replies in between his hyperventilating. "I…hurt my..knee." He's still clutching it, but I see him look past me.
"Taylor, are you okay?" I hear that familiar voice calling. "Oh honey, what happened?"
I try to turn around but she is just a whirr of orange and yellow. She reaches out to his knee, not even noticing my presence.
"Momma it hurts so bad. I fell on it." His hyperventilating is gone. His mother is here now cradling him. I'm still crouched beside him like an idiot.
"Thank you for your concern sir" She tells me, without even looking up. She kissed Taylor on the head.
I hesitate. "You're welcome." I slowly say.
She must have recognized my voice. She looks up shocked. "Mr Yagami Taichi?"
I nod my head stupidly. So formal. So cold. I am no longer her Tai. I am Mr. Yagami Taichi. That is all.
"Yes, Mrs. Ishida." I tell her.
She looks down, almost ashamed. And then she hugs her boy.
"You know him, Momma?" The boy asks inquisitively. He looks up at her.
"Yes. We were good friends and schoolmates."
Were.
The boy gets uneasy in her embrace. "Momma, my knee feels better now. I wanna play." She lets him go, but doesn't move herself. She watches him run to his brother from where he fell.
"How is Kari?" She asks. I guess my wellness is not as important.
"She's good, and teaching at a new school now." I reply. "How are you, Sora?"
"I don't know exactly." She answers. "I've had a lot on my mind."
I don't know what to say. That wasn't the warmest reply.
"Hideki and Taylor love this park. We come here quite often. Hideki, he's my older boy, he'll be eight this year. Taylor turned five last month."
The older boy waves at Sora as he goes down the slide. She warmly waves back. There's a barrier between us. I can feel it. Even our words are plastic. So fake. So safe.
"I have a fall line overdue, but I have no time to design anymore." She continues. "Matt and I, we haven't been getting along that well either. I'm afraid we'll have to get separated. Matt says that will be the best for us right now." She says it hurriedly, in a worried tone. Softer. Warmer.
I open my mouth to speak but I'm not sure what to say yet. She's looking me in the eye now, helplessly. It makes me feel empty. I want to hug her, comfort her, but I must be respectable. She is a married woman.
"You can't do that Sora." I look at her straight in the eye to show her I'm concerned. "It would only hurt the children- The way it hurt Matt with his own parents. You've got to talk things out with one another and become strong again."
I can't believe I just went against everything I wanted. I wanted a loophole. I wanted him out of the picture so that she could be mine again. But I see that barrier, and the warmness that appears in her eyes when she mentions him. I know that Matt has her heart. He makes her happy. Not me.
"I've got to go now." I tell her. Any longer and she'll see right through me. It would be awkward for her, to see that I still love her. Not in front of her kids. Not ever now.
"We should talk again, Taichi." She tells me. There isn't even a real goodbye.
I head to the parking lot and she goes back to her kids. I take one more good look at Matt's children, that one that's the spitting image of him, and the guy with Sora's eyes. I take one last glance at Sora. My Sora. And at our kids. They don't exist anymore. There is only Sora Ishida, wife of Yamato, Brandon Ishida, and Taylor Ishida, sons of Yamato, and I, a spectator, who must always watch from them from a distance.