AN: this is the companion/sequel to 'It's better this way', now just so we're clear, this can be the end but I do have more to add if people want me to so let me know what you think.
AN2: also posted on Ashwinder, under the same pen name.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, just taking them out for a spin.
Maybe it is. Yes, it really is better this way. Why don't I believe it? Ok, keep busy, don't think about it. Don't think about him. Don't think about the stupid bastard who sneered his way into my life, stomped on my heart (not to mention my pride) and disappeared into the night. Coward. Didn't even have the guts to say it to my face. Do I really repulse him that much? What did I do wrong? No, it's not me, it's him. It's definitely him. Definitely.
Why? Why do I do this to men? No, wait. He's not a man, he's a snake. Big surprise there. What did I really expect from the Head of Slytherin? Did I expect him to just drop everything and spend some quality time with me? Hold long conversations with me on a range of subjects? Turn sentimental and embrace my little Gryffindor know-it-all soul? He's probably congratulating himself on his escape. Right now he's probably down in the Hog's Head drinking unhealthy amounts of fire whisky and boasting to his Slytherin cohorts about his luck. I bet he's mocking me more than everything else. He's probably laughing over the false sentiment he fed to me over the past few months. Commenting on the ease with which he seduced me while some cheap whore satisfies him in ways I never could. I bet she's a Slytherin. Bitch.
How stupid could I have been? So much for being the brightest witch of my age. Tricked into loving a man who more than likely despises me. He always did. He tormented me and my friends for the seven years we were at school and the three years that we worked for the Order before the fall of Voldemort. After the end he tricked me into believing that he became less like a bastard and more like a human being. When he asked me to dinner I didn't hesitate. I questioned him on his behaviour toward me in school and he explained that he had to act the way he did to maintain his cover. I believed him. Idiot. He is probably repulsed by the very thought of ever being seen in public with such a lowly being like myself. He made me love him, I didn't want to. But I did.
I told him that I loved him, screamed it at him actually. He never said it in return. I should have known better. In all fairness, he didn't try to rush anything. I suppose you could say that he was a perfect gentleman, if you were so inclined. We were together for more than a month before I finally had to forcibly drag him off to bed and shag him silly. I guess he was less than impressed. Now what am I left with? Quidditch players who can barely remember their own names in the morning, let alone mine? Rich boys who are incapable of stringing a full sentence together let alone hold a decent conversation? Old classmates who are intimidated by me? Pretty boys looking for a trophy wife and lots of gurgling children and family outings? These are the options open to me. Joy.
No, don't focus on that. Keep busy. Don't read the note he left. Don't read it. Don't read it. It doesn't matter any more. It never mattered. Not to him. Stupid note, why did he have to leave it? It makes me hope that it may have meant something to him once upon a time. Why didn't he just leave without a trace so I could hate his memory in peace? Four little words written on a parchment rendered slightly illegible as a result of my tears. It makes me long for him. Tell him it's not, I only want him, nothing and no one else. He'd probably laugh in my face, break me that little bit more. Stupid tears, why am I crying? Obviously it meant nothing. Nothing. Not worth crying over.
Ok, focus. Keep busy. Gryffindor courage. Don't read it. Don't read it. Don't read it. Four little words that have the uncanny (and downright frustrating) ability to completely crumble the world that I live in. Four little words.
It's better this way.
Maybe it is.
AN: Please review