Disclaimer: I don't own this, you crazies. But I do wish I did.
It's been awhile since I've written on this, but I will, and I hope you guys enjoy it! We didn't win anything at robotics, so I won't be going on anymore trips until the summer! I'm hoping to have this finished at least by then.
30th November
Things aren't the same anymore. I mean, we're still friends, but I can't help but feel there's something that I'm missing or ignoring or something. It seems like every time I try to joke and play around with him, he gets this pained look on his face and kind of walks away. I haven't done anything wrong; this is for the best. I can't be with anyone right now, everything's just gotten so crazy, plus I don't want another scene like the one we had at the funeral. Merlin, I hate thinking about it at all. More and more I find myself wishing I could go back to the days when things weren't so complicated, when Ron, Hermione, and Harry were here and they didn't feel the need to go off on stupid missions for the sake of humanity. Really, I know that Ron and Hermione are Harry's friends, but why did he allow them to go with him? Why didn't they get pushed away in the same fashion that I was? I know that they're much closer to him than I am, but that doesn't mean anything. I'll never admit it, but it still hurts to think about him and all the time I wasted. I don't love him—Merlin knows I couldn't possibly love him after that little stunt he pulled at the funeral—but I miss him. Not exactly him, per se, I miss just having someone I could go to with things who would hold me and tell me everything's all right. I know I can't do that with Draco, because he's been in a right snit about something every time I try to talk to him. I never thought I'd say this about anyone, let alone Draco fucking Malfoy, but I really do miss his company. He was snarky and mean sometimes and always rather moody, but I miss the conversations we used to have. Am I losing my mind, diary? I think I'm going to try to figure out some way to get him to talk to me. I really hate to lose friends.
The war was tearing them all apart. Ginny sighed and tossed her journal across the common room, smiling in a self-satisfied way as it smashed into the wall before falling gracefully to the floor. Though not everyone was fighting, everyone was affected by the war. People didn't wander around the corridors between classes like they did before, and everyone had a tight, subdued look. Every day the Daily Prophet reported on more attacks, more killings, more chaos. No one was left untouched, and this only furthered to create tension between the students of the different houses. There were few bold enough to brave the common room anymore, and it seemed that the Gryffindors, Ravenclaws, and Hufflepuffs had bonded together to completely shut out the Slytherins. Terry Boot, the Head Boy, had even gone so far as to change the tower's password and not tell any of the Slytherins. Ginny found their behavior stupid and childish and she didn't take part in it, but since it had been happening, Draco had been a lot more distant with her. He no longer came down the common room just to sit and talk with her; in fact, he hardly came down to the common room at all. The only times Ginny even saw him were for brief glimpses in the halls between classes, and he didn't even come down during meals. Though it vexed Ginny to admit it, she was worried about him.
Ginny sighed irritably and pushed her hair back out of her face. She looked around the common room, and she was very surprised to see Draco walking down from the dormitories very quickly, his hands shoved in his pockets. The rings that had been around his eyes were even darker than they'd ever been, and his hair hung loose. Ginny frowned; normally when Draco wasn't looking his best, he took the time to do a Glamour charm. What could be wrong with him?
Draco wasn't watching where he was walking, and he was about to walk right by where Ginny sat staring quizzically at him. Her brows were knitted together in thought, and a frown was starting to tug at the corners of her mouth.
"Draco?" Ginny's voice was soft, but Draco jumped at the sound of it nonetheless. He turned to look at her, and his eyes held a sort of wild, trapped look that Ginny had never seen before in a human being. "Are you okay?" She tilted her head to the side slightly, her brows still furrowed.
"I'm fine." The words that normally passed by his lips as smooth as clover honey were harsh and rough. He looked slightly horrified as the words slipped through his mouth; he was never, ever, anything other than calm and composed. The loss of his mother was affecting Draco more than ever, especially since he'd tried to stop talking to Ginny. Something in his mind was still set on revenge against deranged father, and Draco didn't want to take the risk of running into complications if Parkinson went running to her parents over what he was doing at school. Draco knew if he were to succeed in killing his father, it would need to appear that he was still loyal to the cause so that he could lull his father into a false sense of security.
Ginny stiffened at his tone of voice, but her eyes blazed with curiosity. He knew she would not give up until he told her what was wrong, but he was really not in the mood to be talking about it. He couldn't talk to her anymore; she was nothing more than the littlest Weasley, and he couldn't think of her as anything else. He would continue with his life, go on with his betrothal to that pug Parkinson, and live the rest of his life in quiet misery, at least until his father was taken care of. He couldn't subject Ginny to scrutiny for being his friend. He quickly walked past him, and didn't see when she got up to follow. He knew that she was the kind of person his mother had told him about when he was young; she was someone who could be fiercely loyal to him if she let him, she had her own mind and her own opinions, she would not adjust her personality to fit with what she thought he wanted her to be, and she was capable of love. In essence, she was everything that his mother was, at least until his father had come along and broken her spirit. Draco knew that his mother had been that way because of the faraway, wistful look she always got when she talked about soul mates. His mother was his everything, and he still couldn't cope with her being gone.
Draco walked out the portrait hole and down the corridor, deliberately ignoring the fact that Ginny was on his heels. He did not look back to acknowledge her presence, and he also did not speak. He did notice that her footsteps fell nearly twice as much as him, a fact that encouraged him to slow his stride, albeit slightly. Finally, Ginny got fed up, and sped her steps up so much that she was standing in front of him. Warm brown met cool grey as she glared up at him, her hands on her hips and her mouth hardened into a line.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" She fumed. All the anger, confusion, and hurt she'd felt for the past few weeks of him ignoring her were coming bubbling to the surface, and she was furious. How dare he ignore her when she alone had shown him compassion and forgiveness? She was the only person who had offered him a hand in friendship, even though they were sworn enemies. If anyone should be rejecting the other, shouldn't it be her rejecting him?
"Nothing is wrong with me." His voice held vehemence and a bit of annoyance. Hadn't she taken the hint that he didn't want her around? Couldn't he see that she would just get in the way of his plans? "I can't talk to you. You're just going to get hurt."
"What?" The incredulity and fury in Ginny's voice surprised Draco. What reason should she have to be angry that he wouldn't subject her to his father's wrath if he found out of their friendship, and he also wouldn't risk her blowing his cover? "How the hell can you stand there and try that? You are not going to keep us from being together because you feel some stupid need to protect me!"
"Wasn't it you who said you don't need a relationship right now?" Draco had just about enough of Ginny's holier-than-thou attitude, and combined with the fact that he was overtired and annoyed, his temper snapped. "You're the one who said we shouldn't be together, and here you are berating me because of it! Make up your bloody mind, woman!"
Ginny appeared taken aback for a moment, shocked by Draco's statement, but she got over it quickly. "And this is exactly why I don't need a relationship right now! All of this is crazy, the fact that we might have a relationship is ruining our friendship… Merlin, why are you acting so strange about this all of a sudden!"
A scowl curled around Draco's mouth, and he crossed his arms over his chest. The two of them stood there like that, glaring at one another, until Ginny's glare wavered and her face finally settled into a frown.
"Why the hell does this have to be so complicated?" She asked, her voice almost so quiet that it appeared she was asking herself.
"Why the hell do you have to make it this complicated?" Draco countered. "I mean, really, if you hadn't been so damn… nice at the beginning of school and befriended me, you wouldn't be in this mess right now. Why did you even show any civility to me at all, anyway?"
Ginny's glare came back, but only for a second. "Everyone deserves a second chance." She said simply. She cocked her head to the side, studying Draco for a second, and it started to make him uneasy. He started to fidget, shifting his weight back and forth between his feet, but she still continued to scrutinize him. He crossed his arms over his chest, trying to shy away from her penetrating gaze.
"Why the hell are you looking at me like that?" He finally asked. Ginny looked up at him, startled; it appeared that she didn't realize she was watching him. She shook her head, and after a few seconds of silence, she spoke.
"You know, if we were up to the challenge, we could try to make this work. I just realized that Ron was a major influence on my decision to not be with you." Ginny shook her head slightly, shuddering. "I hate it when I let other people make my decisions for me, and I've loved making my own decisions since I made Mum let me start dressing myself when I was four. I know I don't always make the best decisions, but they're my decisions, and that's all that matters. I didn't want to have to go to the funeral and have to deal with Ron trying to curse you, but that happened anyway, even though I tried to prevent it. And I just kind of realized, you can't prevent bad things from happening, you can just deal with the bad things when they do happen." It appeared to Draco that Ginny was thinking out loud, so he remained quiet and let her talk. "I hate it when people tell me what to do; I like to think for myself. So perhaps we could try this again, since I've come to my senses and have stopped trying to be like what Ron would like me to be."
Ginny stopped talking and turned her eyes to Draco expectantly. He looked at her for a second, thinking it over, but it didn't take long for him to nod at her suggestion. She smiled slightly, the lopsided grin lighting up her face. The translucent skin of her hand splattered haphazardly with tawny freckles reached out and took his hand in hers, the paleness of their flesh seeming to melt together save Ginny's freckles. The stood side-by-side as the last dying rays of sunlight reflected off the surface of the lake. Silver and gold, fire and ice, good and evil… it didn't really matter anymore what they were supposed to be. The two of them knew that words were useless in that moment, and that they were breaking the rules. They would live their lives to constant scrutiny and disapproval, but that didn't matter. All that mattered to them in that moment was the fact that the world was crumbling all around them, yet they were standing and facing it, together.
A.N.: I know this isn't much, but it's a chapter. You guys knew I would have to create some drama between them, and there will be a lot more later on. Plus, we've got to have more disapproving trio stuffs, or else there would be no conflict. Oh, how I love to be back up and writing again! As always, review, and happy reading guys!