Betwixt and Between

Part 3

The mood of the crew was subdued. The news of the loss of Tom Paris spread quickly and quietly throughout the crew but even after twenty-four hours Captain Janeway had not made an official announcement. She had held out hope that somehow Tom would be found but now she knew she was just delaying the inevitable. Nobody was in a hurry for her to make the announcement anyway. They'd underestimated the role that Tom played on Voyager and his loss was difficult to accept. The worst part of it was that Tom had died thinking that he was hated by the majority of the crew. The truth was Tom had proven himself time and time again during their journey the problem was that most people never had the opportunity to tell him that their opinion had changed. Even those who a few days ago would never had admitted to being Tom Paris' friend were now part of the fan club. There would always be those who disliked him but they could not doubt his skill at the helm or his loyalty to the crew.

The details of Tom's demise where not made public officially. Chakotay had yet to file a report on the incident and those who had been in the shuttle bay when Tom had vanished had not spread what had happened unless specifically asked. The result was that the few who knew the details were well informed, which meant that there were no wild rumours regarding such a serious matter. For one, Harry Kim was grateful that he didn't hear any rumours. He was having trouble dealing with Tom's death. In public he was still the same old Harry, a little more subdued but still Harry. Off duty and away from prying eyes it was a different story. In his quarters he was restless and even playing his clarinet wasn't the same. He recalled when Tom used to sit and just listen to him practice and no matter how badly he played Tom always enjoyed it. It was more than a shame that he'd never be able to share little moments like that with Tom again but he wasn't just ready to let go yet. That's how one night he found himself standing in front of Tom's quarters. It seemed like it'd been ages since he was in there last. Harry punched in Tom's code and walked in.

Tom's belonging hadn't been moved out yet. Harry doubted that anybody had even thought about emptying Tom's quarters. He looked around the familiar room recognizing the artefacts therein and recalling the stories behind them. He could see the clothing and other apparel haphazardly thrown about the sleeping area and the stack of vid files had toppled, probably during the last battle. One thing that Harry not expected to see in Tom's quarters was the first officer sitting in a chair in the back corner. In his hands he clasped one of Tom's shirts. It had probably been thrown over the chair by Tom. Harry glanced around trying to make sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him but when he looked back Chakotay was still there. It was well into gamma shift, nearly 0300. Of all the places he would have expected to find Chakotay, Tom's quarters was not among them.

"Commander, what are you doing here?" Harry asked slowly.

Chakotay looked up from his dark corner. "I could ask you the same thing." He place the shirt on the back of the chair where he'd found it and looked at Harry again. "I'm not sure why I'm here." Chakotay had found himself restless in his quarters. It was a familiar feeling. He'd felt this way before the encounter with the Alorem. It had caused him to lash out at people, especially Tom, and he was still unsure as to why. He'd been unable to meditate recently and thus he'd come here seeking answers in the waking world. "Harry, can I ask you something?" Harry continued to stare at him and didn't look too friendly. "Did Tom hate me?"

Harry laughed harshly. "Hate you?" He looked up at the ceiling, trying to find the words he needed. "You really have no idea." Harry sat heavily on the couch and fingered the keys of his clarinet. "He didn't hate you. I don't think he ever did." Harry smiled at a memory. "I don't think he ever could." Before Chakotay could ask another question Harry began to play his clarinet and Chakotay was loath to stop the soothing sound. He knew that Tom used to listen to Harry play the clarinet. He supposed the Ensign just wanted to feel close to Tom again. Maybe that's the reason he'd come here as well.

When he closed his eyes and listen to the music he saw the last week flash before him like a slide show. His most cherished memories of that time also brought the most hurt. He recalled the pain he'd seen in Tom's eyes when they'd been on the planet. He remembered the feel of Tom's arms around him and even when he had thought all was lost he had still felt safe there. He didn't know if he'd ever feel that way again. He hoped so. Chakotay decided to leave the contemplation for other lonely moments, of which he was sure there would be many. For now he just wanted to listen.

The hauntingly sweet sound from the clarinet filled the room and the presence of two of the greatest forces in Tom's life of recent years brought life to the once cold and empty room. With Tom's absence it was just another room, but just for while they could imagine that it wasn't –just until the last note died.

It had now been two days since Tom's death and Captain Janeway decided that she could not put off making the announcement and entering it into the log. Currently she was sitting on the bridge thinking through the long silences that deck one was now prone to. She stared at the helm and sighed silently. To her left Chakotay sat rigid –lost somewhere in his thoughts and memories. Kathryn had been surprised at how hard Chakotay had taken Tom's loss. She wondered what he and Tom had shared when they were away from Voyager. She was curious but refrained from asking.

She sat staring alternately at the viewscreen and then at Pablo Baytart who was at the helm. He'd be the new Chief Helmsman once Tom's death was logged. She continued to sit there. She was putting off the inevitable but writing it in the log would make it official and force those who would hold on, to give up. Usually she was more practical, less emotional, but this crew had become her family and giving up family was never easy, no matter the circumstances.

Rubbing at her eyes she sat forward in her chair trying to capture the strength to get her to the ready room where she could make the log. Just as she was about to stand a small thread of light appeared on the centre of the bridge. At first she didn't know what it could be but then she realized that they had not seen the Alorem (or the Relor) since the incident. Seems the Alorem had finally decided to pay them a visit. Janeway sat back a waited for the light show to end.

The usual duties continued as the Alorem appeared. Few lingered to watch anymore. There was a sense of hostility towards the Alorem that seemed to have permeated the majority of the crew. The hostility would fade of course but it was easy to blame the Alorem for recent events. They put the whole ship in danger, hijacked the first officer to hide one of their own and used the chief helmsman as a human shield. And only after two days did they decide to visit Voyager. It was just too easy to dislike people when you're in such an enclosed environment like Voyager. The crew needed someone to direct their anger at. For the first leg of their journey it was Tom and to an extent it still was, but without him it looked like the Alorem were going to be taking his place.

Three forms appeared. A blue one, Nie, a black one and a white one, Osa. Osa looked larger than usual and appeared less distinct –more like energy than matter. It was Nie who spoke first. 'Captain Janeway. Seo.' he greeted each with a nod. Janeway nodded in return. Chakotay just sat and stared with restrained anger. 'I'm sorry to bother you at this time but it was most important that we meet with you.' Nie looked over to Osa and then back to the commanding officers. 'We have something that belongs to you.'

"What would that be?" Captain Janeway asked. She wasn't even trying to follow what Nie was saying.

Osa stepped forward a little and became a little more solid. He tilted his head back and allowed that hood that he usually wore to fall back. The Voyager crew had never realised that the Alorem wore hoods. It was usually fairly hard to see details on them due to their aura; without the hood though they could see almost everything. Osa had pure white hair that moved in invisible currents. His eyes were slender and white and had a pearly shine to them. His skin was pale and the smooth curve of his face was slightly interrupted by a fine nose and slender lips. The other two beings followed Osa's example and removed their hoods as well. They all looked very similar except for their colour and slight changes to their facial structure. Osa's face was masculine but Nie's jaw was sharper and his eyes more harsh. The black being had very similar features to Osa except that they were feminine and the eyes where a silvery-grey that slowly shifted hues like plumes of smoke.

Osa looked at Chakotay and smiled. The motion was hazy as the movement caused a minute reversion to energy. When he spoke the movements of his mouth did not seem exact enough to produce the words they heard. 'Five cycles ago there was a disturbance in our space. Unbalanced energy was brought to us. It would have faded and died but it didn't. I went to it and with help,' looking to the Alorem next to him, 'it was saved.'

"What was this 'it'?" Janeway asked her suspicions rising.

'Thomas.'

Looking down she shook her head. "Tom died two days ago."

'No. He was cast into our realm but he could not survive there. Unbalanced energy fades. It dies, unless we intervene. We did.'

Kathryn stood. "Tom's alive?" The whole bridge was listening.

Osa nodded. 'A little different, injured, but alive.' No one said anything. The silence extended so Osa continued. 'I had to help him. He'd done so much for us and for Seo. He was already one of our brothers in spirit. Now he's one of us in body as well.'

"What do you mean? Where is he?" inquired Kathryn.

'A template was required to make him one of us. I volunteered. Tom's right here,' Osa whispered and looked down into his arms, 'and he's...my son.'

They'd overlooked the bulge in his arms before as other things had held their attention but now they could see why Osa had looked bigger that his nine-foot form usually was. Kathryn moved closer. There was a thin fabric covering the bundle in his arms. The dark being gently pulled the white cloth away causing it to fade into nothing and revealing the man beneath. Kathryn was stunned. She brought a hand to cover her mouth. "Tom?" Harry whispered from somewhere behind her. The dark being placed a hand on Tom and a pulse of energy passed over him. She looked up to Osa and shook her head sadly before moving away. Osa looked disheartened by the news but didn't share the reason for his pain with them. Instead he shifted Tom in his arms so that he could support him with one arm, freeing the other. This allowed those present to get a better look.

He still looked like Tom. The hair was lighter than they remember –more gold and less red in it and even some white highlights. His face was the same but the features were softer less sharp, more like Osa's. Osa touched his face and gently called his name. When the eyes opened they were still the same blue they'd always been. 'Paka.' Osa smiled at him and looked at the Voyager crew. Tom followed his gaze. 'Why?' he asked. His skin looked pale from the aura that emanated from both him and Osa and his voice was weak but had the same hollow echo as the other Alorem.

'You're hurt, Thomas. You need them. And this is where you belong.'

He tried to shake his head but the movement cause too much pain. 'No.' He closed his eyes. 'I don't want to be here.' He turned away from them and whispered. 'They hate me.' In the silence some were still able to hear him. 'I want to go home…'

'You don't believe that,' Osa said. He put Tom's feet to the ground and allowed him to stand under his own strength. He was barely able to. Osa stayed very close to him as Tom looked around. There was hardly any recognition on his face. As he looked at them the crew was also looking at him. His robe left his arms bare and they could see marks criss-crossing areas of his skin.

'I'm tired.' Tom hung his head. The world was spinning and he couldn't get it to stop. Why was he back here? He wanted to go home.

'Captain Janeway, we're unfamiliar with you're physiology, hence our healing methods are not entirely effective on Thomas. Could you have your physician look at him?'

"Of course."

'I said, I don't want to be here,' Tom grumbled and tried to move away. His legs gave out and Osa caught him as he fell and gently put him down.

Osa whispered something to him and then asked. 'Are you sure?' Tom chose to look away rather than answer and Osa ran a hand through the gold hair. 'We'll visit, Thomas. We don't abandon our own. If you still want to come back with us in a few rotations then you can come but not until then.'

'Paka…'

'I'll be back soon.' He hugged the smaller man and stood. 'Captain, I hope you don't mind but he's still part of your people and right now I think he needs you more.'

Tom said something in a language the Voyager's didn't know. It sounded like a curse and judging from the look on Osa's face, it was. Tom suddenly reverted to mostly energy and was getting up. With little mass, movement was much easier but with his injuries it was still slow –too slow to defend himself. Osa touched him and he reverted back to matter. He fell to the ground and was unable to get up or change back into energy.

"What…"

'I'm sorry Thomas, but you have to stay for now.' The blue eyes pleaded with him not to go. Nie opened a portal and bowed before leaving the dark being did the same. Osa was the last to leave. He gave his son a soft smile and passed through the portal. Tom closed his eyes. His breathing was uneven. He hadn't been in this form since his 'death' and the intricacies of living as a human were proving to be harder to recall than expected.

"Tom?" he recognized the voice.

"Harry." He opened his eyes and saw Harry kneeling next to him. His friend's eyes were moist with tears. "What's wrong?"

Harry shook his head. "I'm just glad you're back." His smile was weak but Tom had missed seeing it. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad here. He glanced around and saw the Captain and Baytart and they looked glad to see him but Chakotay not so much. He closed his eyes and pushed away the unwanted feelings. He attempted to get up but his muscles protested. With Harry's help he managed to stand but was leaning heavily on the ensign. "We should get you to sickbay," Harry suggested. Tom nodded once. It was all he could manage. Janeway nodded to the ensign who had moved to Harry's station and had them beamed to sickbay. Bridge activity slowly returned and Janeway sat back heavily in her chair. It seemed she wouldn't have to write that dreaded log after all. She smiled to herself. After a minute or two she announced she was heading to sickbay and left the bridge to Chakotay.

Chakotay sat in silence for several moments. His mind was in shock. Tom was back. Tom was back! He had another chance. A chance at what, he wasn't sure but there was hope. Maybe something would change, maybe this feeling he had but did not want to identify would go away. Chakotay looked over his shoulder at the Ops console to see Kim and how he was handling Tom's sudden return. The person he saw though was not Ensign Kim. For a moment Chakotay was confused but then he recalled Kim was transported away with Tom. His mind had been elsewhere at the time and he only recalled vaguely that Tom could not even stand on his own and needed Harry's help. Chakotay turned back around and wondered what was going on in Sickbay. Was Tom alright? The idea that he wasn't created and knot of dread that Chakotay had not expected. Maybe he should be there, he pondered.

Meanwhile in Sickbay the being professed to be Tom Paris was unconscious on the biobed. When he had first arrived it was apparent that he was in pain. The Doctor decided to sedate him for the time being. The Doctor began his scans and catalogued the new data he acquired. Looking over the scans there was a lot to review but even just in appearance there was a lot to take in. The Doctor had transported Tom's clothing off of him and Tom now lay under a sterile medical blanket. His clothes continued to flow and glow somewhat as some of the matter-energy conversion continued but the attention of the two Starfleet officers was not on Tom's strange clothing but on Tom himself.

After getting over the shock of seeing Tom again they started to really notice the changes in Tom's appearance. The two officers stood side-by-side and simply stared. The Doctor's ministrations went on unnoticed by them. The medical blanket covered up to Tom's chest but didn't reach his shoulders. There were marks scattered over his skin. No doubt they were scars from the fights he'd had against the Relor. Despite Osa's claims that Tom was now his son biologically, they were relieved to see that there was no major physiological change in him as far as they could tell. His facial features however were a little different and this is where most of their attention was focussed. His skin seemed paler than before-a lighter cream colour- whether that was due to his injuries or if it was just his new skin tone they were not sure. His features were softer. The sharp masculine edges were still there but they were prettier somehow. Harry snorted at the thought earning him a confused glance from the Captain so he explained briefly. "Tom used to hate it when he was a kid and people said he was pretty." Janeway stifled a laugh of her own and looked back at Tom, thinking that he may have to get used to comments like that again.

The Doctor came over to them interrupting their visual assessment of the Lieutenant. He presented his findings to them. "Well he's in mostly one piece as far as I can tell. His physiology has, technically, not changed however that is only when he exists as matter. While I've been able to account for all of his organs I have located two nodes of energy that I assume are a part of his Alorem heritage."

"Nodes of energy? What do they do?" Janeway asked.

The Doctor shrugged. "The smaller one is located in his brain which may give Mr. Paris the knowledge and instincts of the other Alorem –traits which he demonstrated earlier in his encounter with the Alorem." Kathryn recalled the sudden knowledge that Tom had when they had first encountered the Alorem. Maybe this node of energy had been in Tom all this time. "The second and more powerful node is located just right of his heart and provides this energy to the rest of his body. While I can not determine its specific purpose it would be safe to say that it is the source of whatever Alorem abilities he may acquire or already have."

There was a stretch of silence while Harry and Kathryn took in this information before Harry asked: "What about his injuries?"

"They are numerous but no longer life threatening. I'll have to perform further scans and possibly operate but he should make a full recovery. I can regenerate the marks on his skin but I'm afraid that the damage has already been done and he will have some scars left."

Janeway sighed and looked at the silent form on the bed. "At least he's alive," she said softly. The other's nodded in agreement. A few minutes ago they'd thought Tom to be lost to them forever.

Several hours and several sedatives later Tom had been released to his quarters. The Doctor had advised that Tom take it easy for a few days and Tom surprisingly had not argued. The near constant pain he was in was more than enough warning that he should not push himself too soon. The injuries that Tom had sustained damaged not only his physical form but also the flow of his energy. The combination of these injuries made full treatment impossible. While the doctor could see that the injuries were healing themselves it would be some time before Tom was in perfect form again. Until then he would have to live with the discomfort. The merger of the Alorem energy into Tom caused some changes that the Doctor found troublesome. For instance, Tom's body now metabolized foreign agents much more quickly than before, the result being that the sedatives and drugs Tom was given wore off far sooner than the Doctor anticipated. In fact during treatment, Tom had shown signs of rousing and only a quick shot from a hypospray had kept him under sedation.

Another problem that Tom's speedy metabolism incurred was that painkillers were not highly effective so relief from his numerous injuries was short-lived. After being presented with this information Tom had decided to forgo the painkillers all together. Voyager didn't have the resources to be shooting him up every hour and Tom, Alorem or not, had no affinity for sickbay and coming in on an hourly basis was neither convenient nor welcomed.

Harry had walked him to his quarters. Despite Tom's protests that he was perfectly able to make it on his own, he was grateful for Harry's presence. When they passed people in the corridors neither they nor Tom knew what to do or say. Welcome back seemed too inadequate and Tom's casual 'hello' and jovial manner was beyond him for the moment. And so nothing was said. The few crewmembers they ran into simply stared and offered some hopeful smiles.

Maybe it was just him but Tom felt that things were somehow different. His perspective had shifted and what had once fit, no longer did. Harry stayed around for a while, at Tom's request, and they spoke of inconsequential things –neither wanted to touch on the subject of Tom's violent death, quasi-resurrection and new heritage. Those heavy issues could be dealt with at a later date. Until then they would just enjoy the company.

When Harry left later that evening Tom took some time to look around and managed to find some comfort in the familiar objects that surrounded him and dotted his quarters –his home. That's what it had become –a place that was just for him, where he could be anybody that he wanted but had the added bonus of just being able to be himself. However, now he had changed. Shouldn't his home? Tom looked around and despite the slight awkwardness he could not find anything that he wanted to add, remove, or even shift.

Maybe this meant that he was still himself.

He lay down on the top of his bed covers and revelled in the comfort and warmth.

Maybe this meant that his life here was not over.

He closed his eyes.

Maybe soon it would be.

End Part 3

Sagga Bott…