Betwixt and Between

Part 9

Everywhere on the ship the lights were low. With the warp core being used to heal Lieutenant Paris the ship was at all-stop and only the most necessary systems were running using the back power and fusion generators. Voyager had been moved to a relatively safe location while the procedure occurred. Tuvok was in command –his tactical knowledge would be very useful should any hostiles come about. The ship's defences were compromised without the warpcore online and he had requested that Ensign Kim remain on the bridge but the Captain wanted him in engineering in case something went wrong. They had restricted Engineering to only the few necessary personnel.

There was no indication how long the procedure would take. It might be days it might be instant. Noone could tell.

"Mommy, can we go to the holodeck?" young Naomi Wildman asked her mother as she walked out of her room.

"We can't today, honey. They're trying to help Uncle Tommy."

"He's still sick?"

Ensign Wildman nodded and pulled her daughter to her lap. "But they're trying to help him."

"Jenny said Tommy's Daddy was here? Is my Daddy here too?" she asked innocently.

Samantha smiled thinly. "Not here, but we're really close. You just have to wait a little longer." She'd sent a message to her husband when they'd first been able. She'd included a picture of Naomi for him to see. She was understandably sad when he sent a message back saying he'd thought her dead and was set to marry someone else in a few months. Still he had expressed genuine interest and excitement about Naomi. He would love her –she didn't doubt that –but what made her smile with tears is that he still loved her but had moved on.

"Mommy, does Tommy have a Daddy on Earth too?" She had overheard some confusing conversations and looked to her mother for clarification.

"Um…yes, he does."

"Just like Sarah and that girl will be two Mommy's when their baby comes?"

"Not quite but….what makes you think they're going to have a baby?"

"Sarah said. I heard in sickbay."

Sam had asked the Doctor to baby sit Naomi while she'd been busy a few days ago. Looks like she'd have to give Naomi the "no eavesdropping" lecture, but not now. For now they would sit quietly and hope that their crewmate would be alright.

The blue sickbay gown vaporized as Nie stepped in with Tom in his arms. There had been startled gasps but Tom and Nie appeared unharmed. Soon they were inside the heart of the ship and could not be seen. Swirls of energy overflowed the core but caused no damage. B'Elanna watched the sensors carefully as the core temperature continued to climb. It wasn't at a dangerous level, yet.

"Should it take this long?" Kathryn asked.

"It's only been twelve minutes, Captain," stated B'Elanna.

They continued to wait, some more patient than others. Chakotay stood silently in his spot, one arm crossed over his chest and the hand of his other resting against his bottom lip. He'd hoped that this would be an in-and-out, simply procedure but as B'Elanna had announced just a few minutes ago they were rapidly approaching the two hour mark. The warp core temperature had stabilized at 97 of the normal absolute temperature and there was no risk to the ship. Now they just needed to know what was going on inside.

An alarm started to blaze. The energy output had dropped to only a small fraction of normal yet the internal reactions continued. The blue light faded to a dull grey and there was no sign of either Tom or Nie. Chakotay went to a console and ran a quick scan. There was no trace of his lover there was however a strange anomaly.

"…The Passage…" Osa said softly.

Janeway wanted in. "The what?"

"It's a portal to a parallel realm of our space, a transition zone as it were."

"Transition from what to what?"

"We're not entirely sure but as long as they don't stray to close they should be fine."

"Should be?" Chakotay asked. There was something else that Osa was not telling them.

"If they stray too close, they'll be taken too."

"Too close to what? Where will they be taken?" Chakotay was urgent but Janeway had a more level head.

"Does Nie know enough to stay away from…it?"

"Yes." He hoped so.

Nie held Tom a little tighter but could not keep from being in awe of their surroundings. It was indescribable. Chaotic but predictable. Rapid but calm. Dark yet blinding. Tom seemed to stir a little, the glow from his energy essence now stronger. "Come on child. It's time to wake up." Although he could have stayed at that spot for a thousand years and not grown tired of the view he knew that this place could be dangerous too. Problem was he didn't know how to get back. He wasn't sure how they got here. He'd looked down at Tom for a moment, he'd felt something cold slide over them, then here they were. It seems that warpcore was more than just an engine.

Nie cautiously scanned the area with his senses and determined no other presence similar to his or Tom's. There were others here but they were different, perhaps blind to his and Tom's presence. It would be better to err on the side of caution and exit before anything stirs. All he had to do was find a way out. "Don't worry Thomas. We'll be home soon."

A rapid beeping filled the tense air and pulled B'Elanna's attention back to her console. The sensors around the core were detecting a sudden uncontrollable drop in the energy. The warp core was dark grey and completely soundless.

"What happened?" Janeway asked.

B'Elanna shook her head as she called up more sensor scans. "The cores out."

"Out?"

"Out. Dead. Cold. Most of the plasma has vanished and the rest of it has cooled. The energy output is zero."

"Where are Tom and Nie?"

"Likely, stuck on the other side," Osa answered.

"How do they get back?"

"Without a portal, they can't. The warp core must be started again to give them a method to exit."

"That will take at least twelve hours Captain," B'Elanna informed. Twelve hours if she had all her engineering staff working on it. They'd have to restart the core and they modify the plasma again, which would take five additional hours.

"Get started." Janeway turned to Osa. "Is there anything else we can do? Can we contact them?"

"We've never discovered a method to do so."

Chakotay interrupted. "You've been to this Passage before. There has to be another method to get there."

"Yes but the portals which we've used previously appear intermittently in various locations in Alorem space. And even then only those who manage to find another portal make it out. We've lost many brothers and sisters to the Passage."

"Why didn't you warn us of this?" Janeway asked. What else wasn't he telling her?

"We didn't know it could happen here. There is no evidence that your kind ever experience the Passage."

Janeway held her ire in check. This wasn't the time. "We'll need any information you have about this 'Passage'." Osa nodded. "Chakotay, you're in charge here. Keep me informed." She didn't think she'd be able to drag him away and she wasn't going to try. She left engineering in the capable hands of her officers and went to the bridge.

"I am sorry. I didn't consider the Passage to be a threat to them." Osa implored the smaller man to believe him.

Chakotay picked up a blank padd and handed it to him. "I'll forgive you when we get them back." He walked away with a stony face, hiding the worry that otherwise consumed him. Osa watched him go until he blended into the crowd of engineers that had been called to help. He would do his part as well. Everything, absolutely everything, he knew of the Passage and the portals to and from would be written in this padd. The council had told everyone who came in contact with the Voyagers not to impart sensitive information but here he would make an exception. This was not just some treaty or some goodwill mission. This was the very existence of his son in jeopardy. The council be damned! This was more important.

Eighteen hours later main engineering was quiet again. They'd restarted the core, and modified the plasma. It had been a long and taxing process but B'Elanna's crew had worked hard and well. When this was over they all deserved a break. It may be a long time coming. Although the conditions were set there was no way to duplicated all the events that lead up to the creation of the anomaly. They could only speculate as to how the presence of Tom and Nie had affected the many major and minor reactions occurring within the swirling blue mass. They had conservatively tried to mimic what had been recorded in the scan but nothing other than the induced changes occurred. They maintained the core temperature at 97, just as it had been and hoped. A team of two would monitor that core at all times just in case something occurred. So for the next who-knows-how-long they played the waiting game.

Osa had been granted access to Tom's quarters. He didn't expect to find anything that would help bring Tom back. He was merely looking for something to bring him comfort. He looked at the artefacts Tom had collected throughout his journey. Normally they would be meaningless to the energy being but they meant something to Tom and thus to Osa as well. He gently touched a model of some kind of antique flying invention and read the caption on the base of the mount. "Circa 1993, United States Navy F-14 Tomcat." He didn't understand the human compulsion to take to the sky. There was no sky in Alorem space. He didn't know how it was to watch bird and yearn for the same base freedom gifted to them by a creator or by some fluke of evolution. He didn't understand it, yet he had felt it. Through Tom and because of Tom he had felt a range of new things. Tom's joy for something as simple as being able to propel oneself through a medium by only thought and instinct had surprised him. They all took if for granted -his people- but for Tom everything was new and held in contrast to his old limits, most of which had been shattered by Osa's decision to make him one of the Alorem.

He walked towards Tom's sleeping area and on the way he stepped on something. A padd –innocuous enough, but hardly and ideal place for it. He picked it up and after activating it, he read the title. It was a novel written a long before Tom's time and he didn't quite understand what relevance it would have to his son. The padd was worn though. The surface of the keys were smooth and shiny from use, the edges and back of the padd was scratched and compared to the one he'd been using some time ago in engineering, this padd looked to be of an old model. He was about to place it on a small table next to the sofa dismissing it from mind, but he didn't. Instead he sat down on the cushions and thumbed the screen to shift to the next page. He would sit there for hours reading the story, gaining insight into the human struggle and insight into his son. After that he would choose to willingly give up ever getting to know him, to save him.

Chakotay woke from a restless sleep in his quarters. The ships time meant little to him. He'd been in engineering for several hours before he felt the fatigue weighing his body down. He'd completed his monitor of the core and headed to his quarters, to his lonely bed and was out only moments after his head hit the pillow. Hours had ticked by lazily until Chakotay had naturally roused from his slumber feeling little better for it. A quick sonic shower was all he felt up to and small meal of salad and bread. He sat for far longer than was usually necessary and picked at and around the leaves and vegetables of his food. Giving up on food for the time being he went to his medicine bundle, packed neatly away on the top shelf of his closet. He sat in his usual spot when he communed with the spirits, the middle of his living area. Reverently he unfolded the old leather and carefully removed the contents: a rock, a feather, his akoonah.

The objects were familiar in his hands and the motions and words of this ritual came to him without effort. He touched his hands to the pad of the akoonah and the blinking lights danced in their pattern. He removed his hands from the small device and placed the flat rock with the swirled pattern between his palms and held it tightly.

"…though I am far from the bones of my people and the place of my birth I hope that there is a spirit here among these stars that would guide me…when I am now so lost…" his last words had been a harsh whisper filling the otherwise empty room.

"Chakotay," a voice called him; a familiar and comforting voice. "Chakotay." He pronounce the cadence of his name with perfection, he should. He'd given the name to him.

"Father." He opened his eyes and found himself on the surface of an unknown planet. The ground was barren but the earth beneath him resounded with a force he'd only weakly felt before. This place, whatever and wherever it was, was a guidepost. He looked up and found not a sky of Earth-blue or Vulcan-red, but a sky with omni-coloured current of something unknown to him painted over a dark background.

"Why are you here, Chakotay?" His father's voice called to him from all around him. Turning on the spot he found the image of his father standing only a few feet away. Just the man he remembered and missed for so long.

"I don't know."

"Why are you here, Chakotay?" By the tone of Kolopak's voice he could tell he wasn't supposed to be here but the spirits placed him here for a reason; now he just had to figure out what that was.

"I seek guidance." The ground pulse beneath his feet nearly putting him off balance. That's when he noticed, he had no shadow. He looked at his father and the dark shadow that extended to his right. The light from above passed through him but Kolopak was opaque. Now he was sure he didn't belong here but he had been brought here.

"Why are you here?"

Chakotay swallowed his frustrations. This was often the nature of spirit walks. They could not lead him down a path if he didn't understand why he walked it. They asked him questions and he had to find the right answer for himself.

"I'm lost."

"Which way do you want to go?"

"I want to go to my mate."

"Where is your mate?"

"I don't know."

Kolopak didn't respond at first, simply regarded him. Chakotay thought he was supposed to say more but the older man spoke before him. "You are both lost?"

Chakotay's response was slow in coming. Tom was somewhere. That he believed, but he didn't know where. He wasn't sure if that qualified Tom as lost but…

"Yes."

"You chose this one to walk with for the journey that is your life. Where do you walk if you are lost?"

"I don't know, but when I find him we can guide each other."

"You are his guide post and he is yours."

"Yes," Chakotay responded feeling on the verge of the breakthrough. "but I can't guide myself."

The earth beneath him pulsed and this time Chakotay did fall. "What is this?"

"Nashowa."

He didn't recognize the word at first but slowly the knowledge awoke from the recesses of his mind. "You're dead. Nashowa guides the dead."

"Yes. You are lost." Chakotay was becoming frustrated. Had they not established that already? "Find your soul mate and find your way."

"I will," came the solemn answering. The world around Voyager's first officer faded and in the last instance the voice of his father urged him on saying:

"…together you can guide each other…together you will never be lost…"

Someplace he heard a voice. He'd been drifting for some time now. He couldn't estimate his duration in this limbo. The thought of linear time didn't even occur to him. He simply was and sometimes, when he faded out, he wasn't. Still the nothingness persisted. Inklings of feelings sometimes caressed his being but otherwise all he knew was emptiness. He began fading out again. There was no surprise, no fear, no nothing. It just happened and he expected it. He'd return to this place again.

The nothingness was back again –the same, but different. Something had changed. No, he had changed. He could see, hear, smell...nothing. Ephemeral glimpses into memory punctuated his existence. He tried to focus on them but he had no control over them. New yet familiar sensations accompanied many of the images. Little information was conveyed but from it all he learnt two things. He didn't belong here and he didn't know where 'here' was. With this epiphany he began to search but there was nothing to guide him. A vaguely familiar feeling of dread crawled to his senses. He was hopelessly lost…hopelessly alone…

Joe Carey was halfway through his shift monitoring the core with Ensign Kim when Osa walked in. He watched, fascinated, as the being approached the core. They looked strangely similar, the alien and the warpcore. Osa stared at it contemplating something his puny mind obviously would never be able to comprehend. He snorted earning a look from Kim. Maybe he could understand though. A father had lost his child. Joe had lost his children when he'd been thrown to the quadrant. Still, they were not powerless. Every spark of imagination or genius might have been the one to get this ship home. All efforts were equalled in minutes reduced from their journey and at last it had paid off. He was only a few figurative footsteps from home.

Joe watched Osa as he walked over to Harry, considering that perhaps he did understand. He understood that no father would give up.

"You may want to check up on your Commander in a few minutes," Joe overheard Osa say to Kim. "And tell Thomas…that I'll always be with him, even when I can't be."

Kim watched in shock as Osa walked into the warpcore. The sensors beeped and alarms rang as readings tipped off the scales. "What is he doing?" Kim exclaimed.

Doing what any parent would, Joe answered silently.

His father and the planetary representation of Nashowa had just vanished when Chakotay felt something calling to him. He followed the strong presence.

Something new permeated the nothing. He turned to it following the familiar and comforting presence.

Nie suddenly found his arms empty. Thomas was gone but not far. He was drifting at a fair pace but directly to main stream, the most dangerous part of the Passage. Nie was after him instantly. He tried to stop him but Tom was still unresponsive. His energy was so low that Nie knew he couldn't be awake but something was drawing him. The blue-grey Alorem guided Tom around the bulk of the passage allowing the younger being to continue in the general direction. Where was he going?

Tom! That was his name! He recalled now. He felt someone pulling him and he followed regardless of his shifting surroundings. Chakotay the name came to him as the presence grew stronger.

He felt Osa briefly but his confusion at the other man's presence was overrun by the excitement of feeling Tom near him. He searched harder, followed faster and suddenly Tom was before him, his form half Alorem and half human, all beautiful. He looked the same –eyes still closed, face expressionless. Chakotay was just happy he'd found Tom. He took Tom's face in his hand and touched his forehead to Tom's in relief.

Tom knew he'd arrived. He was where he was meant to be. The rest of him flooded back to his body coalescing in his synapses and energy nodes bring Tom back from his state of near death. There was no spectacular display of dazzling lights, or colours, or sensations. His eyes just opened. He saw the face and he felt touch of his love.

"Cha…" the syllable ghosted past his ears. He opened his eyes and met sparkling blue. "I've missed you."

Nie was next to them and had to interrupt. "We have to go." Tom wasn't fully aware yet but Chakotay managed to tear himself from Tom's eyes.

"How?"

"I'm not sure-"

Suddenly their whole plane of existence tilted violently. Nie reached out to protect Tom and Chakotay but he passed right through Chakotay. Nie didn't question it. He knew technically that Chakotay couldn't really be there, so he held onto Tom protecting him for the suddenly chaotic environment. Tom continued to touch Chakotay not worried about the shift in their surroundings. Chakotay's eyes were fastened to his and he knew that they would be okay.

All around them Osa manipulated the little understood parallel realm and propelled his child and the two other's back to safety using the strong spirit of the commander to guide them home. As they journeyed the apparition of Chakotay faded. "I'll see you soon," he said with a smile before he vanished completely leaving Tom, Nie and Osa to finish the journey without him. He would guide them home. They weren't lost anymore.

He felt himself fading from the normal realm and moving closer to the parallel one as his strength diminished. He touched the face of his child. "I love you." Tom must have heard him or felt the touch because he turned, his face bright with happiness. It fell as he saw Osa fading. He knew what it meant.

"No!" He struggled to get out of Nie's grasp but the older being held fast. He too knew what was happening to Osa but there was nothing either of them could do. Tom reached back for him and Osa could just barely brush his fingertips before he faded. The last image he had of his son was of pain and anguish but he knew that his sacrifice was barely worth the gift he'd already been given.

"PAKA!"

Again, much of the plasma vanished. The rest cooled and the core was dead, again. Torres growled in frustration and couldn't stop herself from slamming a fist into a nearby console. Harry had called her when the sensors had gone crazy after Osa had walked into the core and just as she had arrived the core died. "Start the calibration and begin modifying more plasma." They'd have to start over again.

"Wait!" It was Carey. "I'm still detecting a strong energy. It's like the core…"

Torres was heading to look at his readings but another engineer called out. "Lieutenant!" Recognizing the urgency in the voice Torres headed there first, Harry right behind her.

"Kahless!"

The bright blue light faded quickly and the forms of Tom and Nie were revealed. Tom collapsed to his knees as soon as the energy released him. He didn't register that he was in main engineering. All he knew was that his father was gone. Tears spilled silently down cheeks pale from shock. Nie kneeled next to him and embraced him as he cried, sobs muffled by the body now more matter than energy.

Harry was relieved that Tom was back but still worried about him. Something had happened. Where was Osa? And Chakotay! Osa had told him to check up on him. "Kim to Chakotay." There was no response. He addressed B'Elanna. "Stay here I'm going to find the Commander." He turned and almost ran straight into the broad chest of the first officer. Chakotay easily sidestepped the startled Ensign and went straight to Tom.

He stared for many long moments. He could barely believe it was real. Tom was back. Tom was home.

Tom chose that moment to look up. He wiped his eyes. "Cha…" he said his voice breaking. He threw himself into the arms of his lover revelling in the feel of the strong arms around him. He was so happy to see him but the loss of his 'Paka' prevented his eyes from drying. Chakotay just held him as he'd longed to do for too many months.

Captain Janeway spoke to Nie while the Doctor looked Tom over, Chakotay standing nearby. Nie explained as best he could what had happened, including the unfortunate loss for Osa.

"He must have known the risk he was taking."

"I'm sure he did," Nie responded, his hollow voice tired. "Creating a conduit for us to return through would have exhausted him completely."

"How did he find a way back?" Janeway asked knowing that Nie had been lost prior to Osa's interference.

"Chakotay. Osa used him as a guidepost. He energy was unusually strong. It saved us. We followed it here."

Janeway turned to watch her first officer. He had hidden depths; his ferocity and soothing calm only small parts of what is a great man. He stood near Tom, his emotions mostly hidden but his affection for Tom as bright as a nova. She hoped that together Tom and Chakotay could both heal. She had no doubts about the two of them, not when they were together.

Tom sat watching the stars pass by. Absently he ran he touched the fingers of his right hand, almost reliving the moment when Osa was lost to him. It had been a few days and he felt a little better but still depressed. Chakotay was a huge help once he let the other man close enough to share in his pain. He had been reluctant to since he had caused Chakotay so much pain already. Fourteen months he'd been near dead and all that time Chakotay had never given up on him. Tom stilled. He wasn't worthy of such a dedication, such love, but he couldn't let him go. He was glad that Chakotay had been able to continue with is life. After hearing how long he'd been out for he worried that Chakotay may have found someone else. He didn't begrudge him his happiness but it would have been very, very difficult to let him go. He'd been pleasantly surprised to find Chakotay still next to him. If Tom had remained in his near-dead state he hoped that Chakotay would move on before another opportunity at happiness passed him by.

He glanced back at the stars –stars of the Alpha quadrant. They didn't look any different than the ones in the Delta he decided. They were just under two months from Earth. He wasn't looking forward to it. He never really had been. He dreaded meeting his father again but in light of everything that had happened recently, the Admiral's opinion of him was not high on his list of worries, nor was prison. He wasn't going back there. The whole parole board could kiss his white ass. He had somewhere else he'd rather be. Just then the door to the quarters slid open.

"Hey babe," Chakotay greeted with a smile. Tom could see the relief in his eyes at seeing him awake and well. Some part of the big man was still worried that Tom would vanish. Tom would gladly use the rest of his life to allay the fears and never consider a moment of it a waste.

He stood and they embraced. Lips touching and arms wrapped around one another. This was where he belonged. In these arms he'd found home. And home is where he'd rather be.

End Part 9

Sagga Bott…