Ah! I am so excited to be starting a new multi-chapter fic. I have been working on this fic for months and I really love it. It's a very different story than FTB, but it's still has been such a fun one. There's quite a lot of twists and turns with this fic and I am so excited to go on another long journey with you all!
The title comes from the song "Haunted" by the Band Camino.
I still see your silhouette, I wish we'd never met, I'm living with the ghost of you
-Haunted by The Band Camino
(May 2017)
"I need you outside to move the yellow tape back 50 yards and roll in the crime lab."
Jay knows that voice. It takes him a second as he realizes what exactly is going on, but the minute it hits him, his eyes snap open and his head spins to look at the woman who is speaking.
"All right, but-" a young patrol officer tries to argue with her, but she has none of it.
"Now."
She does not look any different. Older, maybe, more professional, with her hair pulled back and a fancy suit, but she still looks like her.
It feels like slow motion as she walks up to Jay and his team, all confidence and power, and suddenly, years of memories flash in front of his eyes as she introduces herself.
"Detective Upton. Robbery-Homicide."
It's Hailey. His Hailey.
The one who got away.
If she recognizes him, she doesn't flinch, keeping her eyes glued to Voight, confident as hell, like she always was.
The rest of the scene is a blur: she tells off Voight, Voight fights back, Erin stares at the girl like she's crazy, Jay stares at her like he has seen a ghost.
Because he has.
He looks at her and suddenly, he's sixteen and it's that summer filled with swing sets and candy bars.
She makes him think of being eighteen and bonfires, the smell of smoke that doesn't leave him even when he drives halfway across the country, and a red string bracelet held firmly in his hands.
He looks at her and sees that weekend when he got back from Afghanistan, milkshakes and the winter snow and sweet little lies.
Then, he sees a year later, a broken man and the way all of those lies caught up with him.
He sees heartbreak and then, he sees goodbye, the first proper goodbye before finally, she walked away. For good.
He looks at her and he sees almost twenty years' worth of memories flashing through his mind and it's overwhelming because she is here and she is real.
He has been looking for her for years and here she is, at a bank robbery of all places.
He does not blink because he is scared that if he closes his eyes, she will be gone again, and it will be another five years until she pops back into his life.
And after all of this time, he can't lose her again.
"I love you."
"I love you too...but I can't do this."
"I'm from Robbery-Homicide," Hailey continues, a bite in her voice that Jay knows well. "There's been a robbery and a homicide here. So, I'd appreciate it if you vacated my crime scene."
He almost misses it, so lost in his own thoughts, but he chuckles at her assertiveness because she has not changed one damn bit. Not that he wanted her to.
He always loved that she was unapologetic. That she knew what she wanted and she went after it. That nothing held her back.
It's what made it so hard to let her walk away the first time.
His gaze follows her as she walks across the bank and continues commanding the scene in the way that she does and it takes Erin two, three calls of his name to catch his attention and bring him back to earth.
"Jay...Jay, are you with me?"
"Yeah," Jay shakes his head in an attempt to snap back into it, but out of the corner of his eye, he is still following Hailey.
"Voight literally just said we are going back to the district…" Erin says with a sigh. "Come on."
He takes one last look at Hailey, and everything in him wants to say screw Voight, screw the case and walk right up to Hailey and make up for lost time. But he knows that is not the right thing to do, so he follows Erin right out of the bank.
"Is there any sort of pattern to the banks they're hitting?"
Jay opens his mouth to answer Adam's question, but a voice cuts him off.
A familiar voice.
That voice.
"Credit unions."
It's Hailey, his Hailey, and now she isn't standing in a random bank, but she is standing here in the bullpen, in his place of work, and it's enough to take the breath from Jay's lungs.
"They're targeting them downtown," she explains as she confidently walks through the bullpen, right behind her Sergeant, but all of the eyes are on her. "Lots of daily on-hand cash, but less security than the corporate branches."
And just when he thinks Hailey is going to stop, is going to actually look at him and acknowledge his presence, she looks right at Voight. "In the last few weeks, this crew's hit five banks and done over half a million in cash."
"Sorry for the interruption, Sergeant," Trudy mutters under her breath and Jay almost laughs, because they don't know Hailey, not like he does. They don't know the way she is not going to stop until they acknowledge her, until they hear her out.
"You get lost on your way back to Area Central?" Voight smirks.
"You got balls trying to steal my case."
Jay bites back a smile. That's his girl. She hasn't changed a bit.
And that fact is only proven more as she takes a step forward and accidentally bumps into Trudy, effectively spilling the older woman's coffee right on her white shirt.
And just like that, he is back to a party in the woods when he is eighteen. And she is not bumping into Trudy, but she is bumping into him and it's not coffee but it's beer. He remembers he still smelt like firewood and cheap beer the next morning when he woke up, but honestly, he couldn't care less.
"Detective," her Sergeant calls out. "That's enough."
Hailey's face visibly changes, and he knows that look, the remorse, the embarrassment, the shame
"Your office," her Sergeant says, and he just watches as Hailey and Voight slip behind the closed doors of Voight's office without another word.
For a moment, there is a pause, until Adam finally breaks the awkward silence. "Who the hell was that?"
"Detective from Robbery-Homicide," Erin pipes in before Jay is able to. "Tried to steal our case this morning and apparently she's back for more."
"Gotta give it to the girl, though," Kevin says. "She's got fight."
"Tell me about it," Jay mutters to himself under his breath, but by the way Erin shoots him a look, he was not as quiet as he thought.
"What?"
Jay just shakes his head as the door of Voight's office swings open again and Hailey's Sergeant leaves, with Hailey lingering in the doorway.
The last thing he hears is Hailey confidently say, "You know, I always heard you were a son of a bitch. Now I know it's true," before walking right out of the bullpen, not bothering to look at Jay as she leaves.
But his eyes never leave her.
She's back later that day because of course she's back. If there is one thing that the universe has taught him, it's that he is never going to stop just running into her.
Not that he particularly wants to.
Voight tells the team he is going to ask Detective Upton to work the case and Jay doesn't say anything, mainly because he can't. No matter what their history is, this is a big deal for Hailey, and he can't ruin this for her.
She is doing a good job being professional and so can he.
In his opinion, she is doing a bit too good of a job being professional, based on the way she won't even look at him or speak to him, but he thinks he understands why.
The entire case is difficult. There are strange looks in the bullpen and when they are alone with Al in the van, there is confusing banter.
"Got to admit," Jay throws over to Al, hoping to break the awkward tension in the van. "There's something inspiring about this guy not letting his bum leg ruin his American dream."
And even though Al smirks at his comment, he's not the one who responds first. It's Hailey.
"Sense of humor?" She says as she clicks another picture. "Don't get that much on my current unit."
And before he can stop himself, the words are falling from his lips, "Rumor has it you were meritoriously promoted to detective...is that right?"
It shouldn't shock him that she did something so amazing that she got meritoriously promoted, because he knows who she is. An overachiever through and through and he hopes that maybe she'll take the bait and tell him just this one little detail from her life.
She pauses, and maybe she gets what he's doing and maybe she's flustered by it. "Yeah, that's right."
It almost feels similar to how they used to teasingly go back and forth and Jay is about to quip back with a knowing remark of his own, but that's when Al finally decides to jump in. "What, you shake your feathers in front of the right commander, or is your uncle an alderman?"
Jay has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep himself from saying something to Al. If only he knew how hard Hailey worked for this, how she built this entire life for herself on her own, maybe he would not be so quick to dismiss her.
But, like always, Hailey doesn't need him or anyone fighting for her. "I was undercover for a year. So, put that in your pipe and smoke it."
Undercover.
He remembers her telling him that she was going undercover, and he remembers making a joke about second chances.
And if he lets himself dream, maybe this is the second chance they decided they would stop chasing.
He has to fight with himself to not get lost in the memories of that night because if he doesn't, he won't be able to think about anything besides her sad smile and the way she fit so perfectly in his arms for the rest of the day.
"Would you like to elaborate on this UC case for us?" Jay asks and this time, it's clear Hailey knows what he's doing. He needs to know if it's the same UC case she was talking about the last time he saw her all of those years ago.
"I would love to," she bites out sarcastically, not even looking at him. "But I'm under a gag order from the AUSA's office. It's still being adjudicated. The US Attorney's Office made it very clear: if I talk, I get fired."
And for the first time since she walked through the doors of the bank, she looks at Jay head-on. Almost like she wishes she could say more, but she can't, not now. "And no offense, but this is the first time I'm in the back of your van."
They make eye contact, and she cocks her head in that old familiar way and he isn't sure if he wants to smirk or smile. Her mannerisms, her confidence, it all makes him feel young and he wishes that Al was not here and he could just rip the band-aid off and ask her about the last few years.
But they catch a glimpse of the person they are surveilling, Sammy Ray, and any opportunity for questions or conversation is lost yet again.
Throughout the whole day, he tries to not think about that night, about so many nights with her, but it's a useless fight. All the years with her are all he can think about.
They're bittersweet thoughts, but still, they make him smile to himself.
The rest of the day is the same. They keep it professional, but the knowing little glances and the pointed words continue, but that's as far as it gets.
Neither of them breaks the dam and neither of them asks the inevitable questions.
Not until that night, though.
Jay is the last one in the bullpen, getting ready to head out to the "surprise" party the guys are throwing him at Molly's when he hears Voight's gravelly voice.
"Halstead, you know if Upton is still here?"
At first, his blood runs cold because why is Voight asking him of all people where Upton is? He then has to rationalize with himself it's a simple question, not a nod that Voight knows about the detectives' history.
"Think she might be in the locker room," Jay answers. "Why?"
Voight shakes his head and leans against the doorframe of his office. "If you see her, tell her I want to talk to her."
Jay is about to ask his boss why again, but the old man simply retreats into his office with another word.
Jay knows he could slip out the back, he could avoid Hailey and never have to talk to her again, but at least this gives him an excuse to get her to maybe open up to him and tell him what has been going on in her life in the past few years. So, he grabs his wallet and keys and throws his jacket over his shoulders before making his way to the locker room.
Her back is turned to him, but he knows it's her by the blonde ponytail he has seen so many times before.
"Hailey-"
She turns around, clearly already knowing it's him before she sees him, and shoots him a little "are you serious" look.
"Yeah?"
"Voight wants to see you."
She hums at his words as she shrugs on her jacket. "Just Voight?"
He sighs and leans against the doorframe watching her shove her hands in her pockets in that familiar manner. "I was pretty shocked to see you today."
Hailey gives a small nod, pulling her hair out from the back of her jacket and laying it neatly on her shoulder. "I would think with how many times we have just "run into" each other that neither of us would be surprised anymore."
It's been the one constant in his life. Hello and goodbye. Running into her over and over and over.
Until he didn't.
"Can we talk?" He breathes out and he can't even find it in himself to hate how desperate he sounds, not when she is finally standing in front of him again and he is having the opportunity to have this conversation.
Her face visibly softens and for the first time since she walked through the doors of the bank that morning, she is soft and she is quiet and she is calm. It's the side of Hailey that the rest of the team has not seen, but Jay knows well. It's the side he fell in love with, made a life with, wanted to spend forever with. It is the version of Hailey that always brought out that same version of Jay.
It gives him a little bit of hope that maybe things are not as broken as he believed this morning, but when she shakes her head, he can't help but feel defeated.
"Not tonight, Jay," Hailey shakes her head. "We're inevitably going to end up arguing and I don't want to fight on your birthday."
He is stunned by her words, and it takes him a moment of awkward stuttering to get out a response. "You remembered?"
She shrugs nonchalantly. 'Never forgot. I remember it every year."
Maybe, she's just like him and she remembers it all, even the little details. Maybe she also remembers that first birthday they celebrated together, talking about the future for the first time, a future that, now looking back, looks so very different than either of them imagined.
Before he can respond, she is walking up to him and pressing a quick kiss to his cheek, and all he can think about is feeling her lips on his skin for the first time, but thinking it would be the last time. He remembers wishing he could freeze that moment and properly appreciate it, something similar to how he is feeling now. It's such a shock to his system he almost misses the way she whispers, "Happy Birthday, Jay," before slipping down the hall to Voight's office.
He tries to go out and have fun for his birthday, tries to drink away the memories of her and of Erin and of everything that is going on in his life, and for the most part, it works. He has fun and he laughs, and he does not think about the hard place he is in with his relationship and how stressful his job has been.
What he does think about is a certain blonde and whether he is going to see her again.
He does not have to wonder long, though, because the next morning as he is walking out to his truck, he sees someone leaning against the hood.
Not just someone. Hailey.
And it really shouldn't surprise him, because after all, it's not the first time she's tracked him down and waited for him outside his house.
"You stalking me again?" He calls out when she is in earshot, and he just watches as she chuckles and shakes her head.
She is dressed differently than yesterday, fancy suit and ponytail long gone, replaced by a signature black leather jacket and skinny jeans that fit her just right. Her hair is down and it's shorter and neater than he remembers, but it's still her.
"Looked you up in the CPD database," she says with a shrug, cocking her head towards him when he comes to stand next to her in front of his truck.
"You know you can get in trouble for that, right?"
"Then you better not tell anyone."
For a minute, the banter feels simple, it feels normal, and he wants to live in this forever, but he knows there is a reason she looked him up and drove across town to find him and it's most certainly not this.
"Why are you here, Hailey?" He asks. "I thought you didn't want to talk."
She sighs. "I didn't say I didn't want to talk. I said I didn't want to fight on your birthday."
"And now?"
"Now it's not your birthday…" she pauses, and he notices that uncomfortable look on her face, the way she is nervously biting her lip as she tries to muster up the courage to continue. "Voight offered me a job."
He looks at her, surprised because out of all the things he thought his boss wanted from her last night, this was not one of them. "And?"
"I didn't answer him yet."
"But-"
They both know the but. They both know it's an amazing opportunity and Hailey more than deserves it and she would be an idiot not to take it. They also know what taking it means, though. It means having conversations they should have had years ago and having to make peace with years of history so they can do their job the right way.
"Figured I should come talk to you about it," she hums. "This affects you too."
He leans back against the hood of the truck and crosses his arms, turning his head towards her, "Hailey, I don't want to be the thing that holds you back."
She chuckles sardonically and shakes her head. "Not the first time you have said that."
"I remember."
He remembers so vividly, saying those words in the hallway outside her cheap downtown apartment, biting the inside of his cheek to stop the tears from coming. He remembers it like it was yesterday.
And seeing her now, grown up and living the life she dreamed, it's bittersweet. Because he knows letting her go was the right thing, but he wishes that he was by her side to celebrate these moments.
"Look, Hailey," he starts. "If you want the job, take it. I won't say anything to Voight about our history if you don't want me to and I'll be civil."
She lets out a breathy laugh. "I'm not worried about you being civil, Jay."
She doesn't have to say anything more for him to get it. She is worried about the inevitability of them because they both know there is no way their story ends with how they left it.
But that means there will be a lot of pain to address and a lot of heartbreak to reprocess and maybe she is just not ready to go there.
Maybe he isn't either.
But she is here for the first time in five years and maybe it does not matter if they are ready. Maybe this is the universe telling them they are doing this now.
Without another word, she presses her hands to the hood and pushes herself off of the car, taking a few steps into the street.
"Where are you going?"
"Work."
He eyes her suspiciously as she continues to walk down the street towards her car, calling out after her. "Are you taking the job?"
She doesn't respond.
She doesn't need to, though, because when he walks out of the Intelligence breakroom just an hour later and sees her standing in the middle of the bullpen, he has his answer.
Reviews?
See you next week for Chapter 2! We are about to go on quite the journey.