This is a one shot. This is set after "Faith". Dean goes back to say goodbye to Layla.
I felt they needed a better, more proper goodbye. I wasn't satisfied with the shows goodbye, so here's my shot at it. Reviews much appreciated.
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural nor do I own the song "Stubborn" by LeeAnn Womack
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Faithless
Why I Can't Believe.
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She was the only reason I started praying. I mean of course I used metaphorical prayers, I guess. But I really prayed after her. And I just couldn't leave her like that. Layla was probably the most… innocent… and sweetest girl I met. And I still feel guilty. She could've been saved if it wasn't for me. I know the price was a bad one, and I'd hate myself if I had allowed her to be healed. But, it still gets to me...
Her mom let me in. She gave me a cruel, harsh look. I thought she was going to smack me down, when instead she forced a smile and said, "Layla told me you were coming. I don't approve of it…" She gave looked me up and down, as if wondering why I was still here.
I smiled knowingly at the old woman, "It's okay. I wont be long. Don't worry." I walked in.
"I'll take those." Mrs. Rohr spoke bitterly, gesturing towards the flowers I was holding.
"No," I said, showing my smart side, "I can bring them to her. Where is she?"
"Follow me." She sighed.
I disliked Mrs. Rohr, but she was right about one thing. People like me.. Didn't deserve to be healed. I should be dead. I mean God knows I'm no saint. I'm.. well let's face it.. I'm a pig. And Layla, she's… that girl all guys want, but don't go near, because they're too afraid. She's innocent, pure, and her faith is so strong. And you know what? I think that's what hurts the most.
I mean, she didn't really know what was going down during that faith healing, but I did… So of course, I knew it wasn't 'God' doing the healing. But Layla… even though she didn't get healed, she was still faithful and believed.
She believed even though she was… dying… Mrs. Rohr had told me she only had maybe a few days left to live.
I stepped inside Layla's room; she had music playing. I laughed a little myself thinking how different the music she listened to was compared to mine. Her mom probably did think I was the devil. Little did her mother know, one day I will probably be kicking the devil's ass just for her.
"Hi, Layla." I smiled at her, trying to hold back my tears.
She looked as if she was already dead. Just a ghost haunting the room. Her eyes, tired with bags under them. Her hair falling out, but not from chemo. Mrs. Rohr had told me that in the hallway. Last time I saw Layla she said it wasn't responding to the chemo treatments. And it was inoperable.
"Dean," She smiled softly at me.
"What you doin?" I asked.
"Thinking…" She glanced over to the radio.
"There's a whole lot of demons in this room
They want it all but they don't want to share
There's a whole lot of demons in this room
And none of them believe in fighting fair
Some sit on my left Some sit on my right
They talk so loud its hard to disagree
I'm surrounded by the demons in this room
And there's no one here but me
And I can't quite remember how to pray anymore
And I can't quite remember what to say anymore
And if it turns out that I can't have my way anymore
How will I know which way to turn
When I walk out the door?"
I knelt down beside Layla, trying to find words her pastor might say, but I didn't know what to say. I was faithless myself. I still had Sam's voice ringing in my head though. I mean how could I not believe in God or something, when I fight the demons that we do? See the things we do. If anything I should have more faith than anybody.
"Layla, don't lose it now." I held her hand. It was so cold. "Everything is going to be okay."
"Dean, look around. I'm not okay." Layla smiled, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"That's not what I meant." I squeezed her hand, "Everyone has to be here…. And" it killed me to say it, "God has better things for you to do Layla. You are an amazing person. I think you've achieved all you can in this shit hole we call Earth."
Mrs. Rohr coughed from the doorway of Layla's room. "We're okay in here mom." Layla smiled, and wiped her tears.
"I brought your medication." She explained to her daughter.
"I'll take it later…"
Like it mattered either way. She was going to die; there wasn't a drug in the world to prevent her death. There was a so-called faith healer, but I got in the way of that. I know there's other ways to save her. Ways with magick. With the dark side of this world - but saving someone so pure with means of darkness, its cruel.
"There's a molecule of faith in this room
What they used to call the mustard seed
There's a molecule of faith in this room
And a book that says that's all I'll ever need
I don't know where it is, but I hope I find it soon
Cause nothing else will ever set me free
There's a molecule of faith in this room
And even though it's much too small to see
I have the courage to believe
I'll find the one who left it here for me"
I looked over at my watch. It wasn't that late, but I couldn't stay that long. See, I had a gig to get to. Some haunted house. I shrugged, "Layla, I got to get back to my brother. We have some errands to run."
Layla smiled, understanding, "Bye Dean."
I started to get up, "Oh, umm, your flowers?"
"Thanks," She grabbed them.
"And…" I reached in my pocket, and I grabbed out another present. And, yes, because it was a gift for Layla, I got it legally! No fraud or anything.
"What is it?" Layla asked excited, as she grabbed the small jewelry box from my hands, and opened it.
It was a ring, with a small diamond cross on it. With "I carried you" printed inside it, taken out from 'footprints'. Layla cried, "Is that it? Is God carrying me right now? Is that why I can't see him?"
"Yea," I nodded "That's why." I leaned in to hug her goodbye, but she stopped me.
Woah, were Christians that strict? I mean I know there was no sex before marriage and some of those teenagers are like 'oh my God we can't kiss'. But, this was a hug… nothing sexual.
"Kiss me, Dean. Don't hug me." She cried, "I'm never going to see you again."
I felt my eyes burn as tears came attacking them, "Okay," I whispered. I pressed my lips against her. I heard her shudder as my tears fell onto her cheeks…
This… this is why I'm faithless.
THE END.