2 Weeks later

"Damnit, I told you I can do it myself!"

Sydney heard him cursing at the poor nurse who was probably helping him into his wheelchair, from her place outside the hospital room. Taking a deep sigh and putting on her emotional armour, she entered the room. The sight that met her wasn't pretty, the nurse was now on the other side of the room, sheets were laying on the floor and Gage was half laying on the bed, half hanging out of it.

Sydney sighed and walked up to him, supporting his arm so he could slide in the chair. After sitting down he just grunted, and mumbled, "Told you I could do it myself", before turning his gaze on a place in the distance.

Sydney turned towards the nurse, "Thank you so much, I guess we are all ready to go then right?"

Today was the day Gage could finally go home. After spending two weeks flat on his back, or getting tested, he felt like he was going to lose his mind. The doctors had advised him to get surgery so they could take out the final fragments out of his back, but he was afraid. What if it didn't work out? What if he became paralysed for life? How would he take care of Sydney and their family?

Those doubts had constantly flown through his mind the past couple of weeks, and his mood had been affected by it. Unfortunately the people closest to him had to suffer the most. Trivette didn't come by that often anymore, especially after Gage's final outburst towards him.

Walker and Alex came by often, but their visits were short, mostly because Gage wasn't very chatty. He had spent his days gazing at the ceiling and worrying, or spending them in testing rooms, were his pain limit was tested to boundaries he never knew he had.

And whenever he came back from one of those excruciating hours, she had been there. Waiting for him in his room, most of the time nothing was said, she had just been there. However, they did fight. Well, he fought, and she just let him, not responding to his accusations.

"Time to blow this joint, partner!"

The joyful voice of Sydney brought him back to the present, but not the way she would have liked it. With a scowl on his face he turned his gaze to the front, replying "Yeah, let's just go okay?"

Sydney's smile faltered a little. Sighing softly she grabbed the handles of his wheelchair and manoeuvred him to the exit of the hospital.

Gage's apartment

Getting out of the car was a lot harder then it seemed to be, and when Gage finally managed to get into his chair, it was fair to say his mood was now below freezing. Luckily, his apartment building had an elevator, just big enough to fit in his wheelchair. When they came to the front door Sydney suddenly stopped pushing.

After a few seconds, Gage noticed he wasn't moving anymore, so he turned around to see what was wrong.

"What's wrong?" he asked, almost snorting to himself. He could answer that question by himself. Everything was wrong, his paralysis, their entire situation was wrong, and he knew he had to do something about it.

Sydney watched his expression, still seeing the haunted look in his eyes, which had been there for the past couple of weeks. She knew he wasn't handling this well, and she also knew he would push her away anytime now. So she decided to prevent this.

"Look Gage, I know you are having a hard time now, you have no idea how well I know. But we have to stick together, like we did when you lost your hearing and-"

"Lost my hearing! Syd, I lost feeling in my legs, how dare you compare those two to each other," he roared.

"Gage, I'm sor-"

"No," he replied, voice must softer now, "Just don't, I don't want to know how sorry you are. You know what? I'm sorry too. Sorry for involving you in this mess. You shouldn't have to worry so much, especially with the baby and all. Maybe it would be best if-"

This time it was Sydney who interrupted him, "No Gage. You can't shut me out now. You need me as much as I need you, and you know it. This child," she said while putting his hand on her belly, "she needs her daddy."

Gage's expression became even darker. "Yeah, she needs a daddy, not half a daddy," his voice dying out as the realisation hit him. Sydney turned teary eyes down on him.

"What did you just say? Francis Gage, you are not half a man. Just because your legs ain't working right temporarily, you are just giving up aren't you? Well I won't let you pal. You can yell at me as much as you want, you can throw things and you can even cry, but I won't leave you, never Gage." she ended, tears steaming down her face like tiny waterfalls. Gage couldn't stop staring at them, while a little voice in his head constantly said to him, "That's your fault. You can only make her cry. Just let her go, she'll be happy…"

Turning his eyes to his lap he just shook his head. "Syd, just go okay? I really want to be alone now. I need some sleep so I'm ready for surgery tomorrow."

Sydney saw his slumped form sitting in the chair and felt so incredibly tired, she decided to just let him have his way now. But she would be back tomorrow, well rested, and ready to win this struggle.

"Fine, but I'll be back tomorrow morning to take you to the hospital." She bent down, so she could look him in the eyes, and lifting his chin up she gave him the most gentlest kiss she had ever given him. She felt him respond to it, but when she pulled back she still saw the depressed look in his eyes. Standing up she opened his door and was starting to walk inside when she heard him cough.

"Syd, it's okay, I'll be fine. Just go now, please…" he pleaded softly. Sydney felt her heart breaking over and over again, how much could they take? She ran one hand over her belly and without looking at him she turned around and left.

Gage watched her until she was out of sight with misty eyes. He knew he had hurt her, but it was for her own good. And although it hurt him so much, he had to do it, cause if she was happy nothing else mattered.

Grabbing his wheels he slowly made his way into his living room. He was amazed by the state of the house, everything was clean and it smelled like lemony cleaning stuff. Alex must have come by and done this, he thought to himself.

Turning his chair he wheeled himself to the bedroom, hoping he would sleep a little this time. He put the stupid thing into park as close to the bed as was possible. They had practised this at the hospital, but he had yet to try it alone without a nurse watching his every move.

Putting his arms on the side of his chair he lifted himself as high as he could and almost immediately he was sitting on the bed. And after carefully positioning his legs he lay down, the action left him so exhausted he just fell asleep without even removing his clothes.

At some point in the middle of the night:

His sleep was troubled. Dreams of Sydney and torture filled his mind. One particular dream was bothering him so much he shot up in bed and without thinking he tried to get out for some water. But he had forgotten about his disability. So the moment he turned to step out of the bed, a sharp pain filled his body as he twisted it so badly he went over the edge, ending in a heap on the floor after banging his head against his nightstand.

Feeling dizzy he found he couldn't get up anymore and he just let his body lie there, letting his mind drift off so he wouldn't feel the sharp pain in his back.

And that was how Sydney found him the next morning.