It's an Alan Davies (comedian and all round nice guy)/red dwarf crossover poem! I'm insane…
Disclaimer: I do not own red dwarf, or Alan Davies. I also apologize for anything said about them in my writing, it probably isn't true. How the hell am I supposed to know what goes on? I'm only young and feeble. Feeeeeeeeebblleee!
Special thanks go to Sunrise over the tango factory and her blessing.
Hope you enjoy x.x
…….
…….
One day red dwarf was blundering through space,
And the crew were all smiley and cheerful,
Because nothing had gone wrong in a whole 24 hours,
They didn't know they were going to get an earful.
"Sirs, I don't want you to panic," Kryten started,
"But we're blundering through space like a mole,
Where millions of tiny orange swirly things
Can pop up and swallow us whole!"
"What do you mean Bogbot?" Asked Rimmer,
"What I mean, is we all have to take care!
Mr. Cat, I want you on full nasal alert,"
"Sure bud!" Said Cat, smoothing his hair.
And so the crew prepared for the worst,
For who knew the horrors that could take place,
When a teenager is let lose on the world,
Of fiction in outer space!
…….
Meanwhile, on the Jonathan Creek set,
Alan Davies was feeling a tad weird,
There appeared to be a big orange swirly thing,
Just near the camera man's beard,
"What's that?" asked Alan, in his long duffel coat,
"That big orange swirly thing over by Ben?"
The director rolled his eyes, Oh what a surprise,
Alan had had a drink again.
"Whatever Alan, can you just get on the set?"
"Not until you look!" Alan whined,
The director frowned, and didn't bother turning round,
He could be such an arsehole sometimes.
Alan pouted, but gave in, and without his usual grin,
He wandered onto the set.
The orange swirly thing came closer by the second,
Hovering just above his head.
"Look, I really must protest!" said Alan, folding his arms,
And frowning steadily at the lights.
"There's a big orange swirl, above my brown curl-
y head, that's giving me quite a fright!"
The director scowled, but it fell of his face,
When Alan just suddenly vanished!
The swirl had sucked him in, like a glassful of gin,
In a nightclub where all the girls look mannish!
…….
Alan's head was spinning like a very spinny thing,
As he was lay moaning on the cold floor,
"Urgh," he said, intellectually,
What had he been drinking the night before?
"Look, let me have a word with him," he heard to his right,
"We dunno how he'll react,
When he sees a mechanoid, a hologram and,
A person evolved from a cat!"
He heard some footsteps trailing off,
Great, at least he was safe on some land,
"Hey are you alright?" asked the man on his right,
"You look like you could use a hand!"
"Where am I?" Alan moaned, "I feel like a big guy
Just walloped me one in the chest!"
"Whoops, sorry that was me." Said Lister, apologetically,
"I don't normally get many guests!
The man looked down at him, with curious brown eyes,
And a loveable chipmunk-ish grin,
He looked familiar, Alan thought, like a friend,
or that hobo who lives in a bin.
"I'm Dave Lister, by the way. Welcome to red dwarf. Um…
Would you mind telling me how you got here?"
"Is this supposed to be a joke?" Alan asked the small bloke,
Who replied, "Nope." and opened a beer.
Alan told his tale, with the utmost detail,
And Lister nodded his head between drinks,
Said Alan: "So thanks for the 'hi', but I really must fly
Before my director gets sent to a shrink!"
"BROWN ALERT! BROWN ALERT! Something bad's going on dudes!"
Cried a big man's head from the screen.
"Holly what's on the scanner?" Dave demanded in a manner,
Which made Alan turn a pale shade of green.
"You don't wanna know Dave." "Yes I do." "No you don't."
"Yes I do! Now just tell me!" Dave said.
The computer panel hissed, "Don't get your boxers in a twist!
They're just aliens that want to nibble off your head."
…….
…….
TO BE CONTINUED!
I'm back writing and kicking bottom, so watch out for the next chapter. Noodles x.x