After arriving in the small office, Gage hesitantly took a seat.
"Mr. Gage, you're wife is fine. She is now in recovery, and will be able to go home within a week."
Gage sighed deeply, a lot of tension leaving his body. But one thing wasn't mentioned, "the baby?"
"We don't know why, but somehow her water broke and her contractions had started. She was also loosing great amounts of blood, so we couldn't stop the process of this labour. Mr. Gage, we had to deliver the baby."
The great relief he had felt just seconds ago was yet again replaced my great amounts of fear. Their baby had been born… "Is she- she, uhh-"
"She is premature, but alive. You have to understand that her situation is extremely critical. Your wife was in her 30th week and at that point, the baby has developed itself very far. But unfortunately, not far enough."
Gage's eyes widened as he held his breath for what would come next.
"Will she ehh, will she… will she live?"
The deep lines on the weathered doctors face deepened even more. Sometimes he hated being the bearer of this kind of news.
"For now, she is stable, but critical. Her lungs aren't completely developed yet, and because of that, she is suffering from Respiratory distress syndrome. Immediately after she was born, we had to resuscitate her and we have now inserted a breathing tube, to help her learn to breathe. Also, we have inserted a feeding tube into her stomach, because she is unable to coordinate her sucking and swallowing. For now, we have placed her in an incubator at the neonatal intensive care unit, where we can control and regulate her body temperature."
After this flow of words, Gage was silent for a minute, letting the news penetrate his already jumbled mind. He had so many questions flowing through his head, he didn't know where to start. But one of them found its way to his mouth, the one his heart needed to be answered…
"Can I see her?"
A slow nod from the doctor was all he needed, and he slowly got up from the hard chair he had been sitting on. He felt like he had aged ten years in these past few hours, when his sore muscles made themselves known, in a very painful way.
In a slow pace he followed the doctor towards the NICU, and after getting a change of clothes from one of the nurses, he was about to enter the room where his daughter was.
His daughter… He was astounded for one moment, tasting the word in his mouth, surprised by how natural it felt. The small cough from the doctor brings him back to the present, seeing through the now open door, five small incubators, all attached to many machines, and all of them had the tiniest of children inside. Like a magnet he was drawn towards one tiny baby, so small, and yet so beautiful.
The doctor smiled, before wondering how each and every parent always found their way towards the right child. He silently stood by the wall, observing the scene.
Putting his hand on one of the glass walls, which separated him from the tiny infant, Gage couldn't stop staring at the little baby. 'Baby', they hadn't even decided on a name yet, the card on the incubator only said "Baby Gage".
A small sigh escaped Gage's constricted throat, while he just kept staring at baby Gage. A feeling of dread came over him when he saw how tubes were attached to their child. She lay perfectly still, her little fingers constricting every now and then, while her little pink chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm. Bright blue eyes, opened in tiny slits, were staring at the small world around her and Gage was a little surprised by the big dot of brown hair on top of her head.
He felt like he had stood there just a second, when the doctor stepped up to him and told him Sydney was awake and asking for him. That brought him back to reality a little, but he still felt like everything around him was filled with fuzz and cotton, leaving him in a dazed state. With one last look at the smallest, but most beautiful baby he had ever seen, he turned to follow the doctor, yet again, but this time to see S.yd.
After a short walk through the cold hospital hallway, the doctor showed him to Sydney's room. Looking inside, he could already see her sitting up in the middle of the bed in her hospital gown, blankets falling around her. She looked like a small child, deathly afraid of the unknown demons hiding in the dark closet. Her big brown eyes seemed to bee empty, staring into space, but the fear radiating from them hit Gage like a punch in the gut would do.
Deciding he could no longer keep her waiting for news about their daughter, he softly rapped on the door before entering. After grabbing a chair and sitting down closely to the bed, he finally noticed she hadn't even moved a muscle or acknowledged he was there…
Looking up, searching for her eyes, he still saw the same expression in them, a vacant look filled the eyes which usually were so full of joy and life.
"Syd? I'm here, Syd, it's okay, she's okay…" he pleaded with a soft voice, but she almost seemed catatonic.
When he touched her arm though, she visibly flinched against his touch, turning her face the other way in an almost shameful manner. And then, ever so softly, he heard a soft whimper coming from behind her tightly pursed lips, followed by a waterfall of words,
"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry I couldn't do it. I never wanted to loose her, I- I wanted to see her, feel her, love her…" a sob broke through her rambling, shaking her tiny frame, "and- and now she's gone, and we never knew her-"
"I know her," although spoken softly, it stopped her rambling and questioning eyes, overflowing with tears, turned towards his clear blue ones, filled with a calm soothing look. A small smile played around his lips, and when Sydney didn't respond right away, he started explaining.
"She made it, Syd. She's so small, and they are helping her breath, but she's alive. And Syd, she is so beautiful. She has your mouth and your hair, but most important… She's ours."
During his speech he saw her expression change from grief-stricken to a great amount of relief, to pure joy. Her whole demeanour changed, and her spirit seemed lighter then ten seconds ago. A small twinkle now rested in the corner of her eye.
"She- she's alive? But how, I was only seven or eight months along?" Amazement seeped through her joy-filled voice.
"I don't know all the details Syd, but they have to feed her and she is getting air through a small tube, and she is so tiny, she could fit in my hand, but she is alive," he said, putting his hand in her open one.
And that little show of affection was al she needed, before crashing in his arms, even though her body was still sore. The crying sounds, now sounded lighter, and Gage felt relieved he was able to resolve this crisis, even though he knew there was a long way ahead of them.
And through the sobbing, he heard her say the words he was waiting for,
"Can I see her?"