Chapter 15
Hermione sighed.
Her mind and heart had been pulled on overdrive for the past few weeks. Harry and Ginny were to be wed the very next day and she was in Ginny's bachelorette party.
She was just sitting on the couch while Lavender and the others were dancing with the male stripers on top of the table.
Even when she knew the music was blaring and that it was in such volumes that it could make you deaf; she could not hear a single note except the breaking of something completely unknown yet familiar within herself.
Ginny must have noticed because she was heading Hermione's way.
Hermione didn't know why but when Ginny led her to the bathroom and locked the door Hermione let out all her unshed tears.
"Ginny! I don't know what to do. My life is in utter ruin! I… I don't know what I should do! If I choose wrong then I would regret it!" she sobbed to her best friend.
Ginny sat down beside the sobbing Hermione and patted her back.
"Ssh… its okay. Just let it all out." She said in a motherly way.
"It's just that I am so confused. I… I don't know what I should do or how I should act. I can't just pretend to be Happy with the other girls. I am soo sorry Ginny. I'm ruining your bachelorette party. I am soo sorry." She sobbed even more.
Ginny sat there listening and ushering for her to continue.
"I am just soo torn. I… think I love Blaise. But something tells me I am still not over Draco. But he left me! Twice! I don't know. I'm not even sure if I should let him back again. I'm scared Ginny. I am soo scared."
"Blaise is so sweet but so is Draco. Blaise is so romantic but I haven't forgotten what Draco has done either. I went through so much with Draco but something tells me I should give Blaise a chance. I… don't know how I feel anymore and it hurts. I… seriously think that this is ripping me apart."
"My heart is aching. It is so confused that I don't doubt it would stop beating soon. I feel as if it's in a million pieces slowly being picked up by both Draco and Blaise. I feel as if I have no say whatsoever and that I am in a very sick version of a love game show. I can't take it anymore. I'm sorry Ginny."
"But have you ever felt love for both men yet still know that they both will break your heart. I… I just can't trust them. I can't go through it again."
Hermione cried.
Ginny patted her and said in a soft whisper.
"But you are going through it again."
Hermione stopped right away and looked at Ginny like she was another person.
"What are you saying?" Hermione asked.
"I am just saying Hermione that you are going through it again. Look at yourself. You are hurting. You are feeling the pain you thought was lost again. You are actually living through it once more." Ginny explained softly.
Hermione shook her head. She could not allow herself accept that.
"Hermione… you just have to ask yourself. For whom are you willing to experience this pain again?"
Hermione felt that was where she should draw the line.
"YOU CANT TALK TO ME LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT THIS FEELS! YOU AND HARRY HAVE NEVER GONE THROUGH THIS! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE! YOU WERE ALWAYS LOVED! YOU NEVER FELT CONFUSED ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS! WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME THAT! EVEN WITH SEAMUS! YOU DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT YOU WERE HURTING SEAMUS BECAUSE YOU KNEW HE DIDN'T LOVE YOU! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH!" she shouted.
She looked at Ginny and let a single tear fall to the ground before she apparated away.
When she appeared at her room she sobbed into her pillow.
She did not mean to say all those things to Ginny. She just didn't like the answer her heart gave her. There was no way she could leave him after all they went through. After all those times? After all those signs of affection that he gave her?
They had history together. In Hogwarts and after. They both knew each other and fell in love with each other. She couldn't pick his best friend over him.
She knew she had a choice and that she had to make it quick.
"Why me!" she asked to the sky.
"Why do I have to go through this? Why cant you just please give me a sign! Tell me what to do! Tell me who I should choose! I don't want to hurt anyone!" she screamed.
'Whatever you do, someone will get hurt.' A tiny voice in her mind said to her.
"I know!" she screamed.
"I just wish I was never here! I wish I died along with Angelina in the war! I hope I was in her place instead! I wish I didn't need to make this decision! Give me some sign!" she screamed.
A bolt of lighting struck outside her window. She heard the sound of breaking glass coming from behind her and searched for the source.
Two picture frames fell to the floor. Oddly enough only one broke.
'My sign.' She thought as she looked at the picture that was not broken and the one who was shattered. She now heard what her heart had been screaming at her for so long.
I ain't no queen of hearts, i go through stages
I fall in love then complicate it
Yeah, you know the feeling
W/out much hope just blind ambition
Pretending that there's nothing missing
I always kept believing that...
More, i thought if i had more i wouldn't get so bored
But everything just left me empty
Love walkin in and out of my door
Wasn't good enough no more
Well i don't trust myself life really sucks and...
Chorus
First time I thought it but I didn't do it
Last time, that's when I really blew it
This time i'm gonna do it different cuz i know, i know, i know...
If i put everything i have into it
Eventually I'm gonna get what's good for me
I'm just tryin to be creative
But everyone's so opinionated
Wanna tell me what I'm feeling
Cuz one man's junks another's treasure
When it's done its hard to measure or keep on believing that...
More, if only i had more, i wouldn't get so bored
But i know it's gonna leave me empty
Life, walkin in and out of my door wasn't good enough no more
Well i don't trust myself I'm gonna get stuck and...
Chorus
First time i thought it but i didn't do it
Last time, that's when i really blew it
This time I'm gonna do it different cuz i know, i know, i know...
If i put everything i have into it
Eventually I'm gonna get what's good for me
Cuz i don't want to live my life wondering if only i woulda, i shoulda, i coulda...
But i didn't cuz i only blame myself
Again...
First time i thought it but i didn't do it
Last time, that's when i really blew it
So this time, this time, this time...
If i put everything i have into it
Eventually I'm gonna get what's good for me
Chorus
First time i thought it but i didn't do it
Last time, that's when i really blew it
This time I'm gonna do it different cuz i know, i know, i know...
If i put everything i have into it
Eventually I'm gonna get what's good for me
Authors note:
Hey! I just was soo sad when i wrote this chapter. I dont know why though. Im weird arent i? Oh well. The Potter Wedding is coming next chapter! well... maybe. actually i think its coming chapter 17. just hang tight!