Author's Note: Written for speedrent challenge #77. Set in the same 'verse as my novel, In the Eyes of a Young Girl, almost exactly a year after the novel ends, which puts this story right in the middle of Rent, before "Without You" takes place.
April Fools Day always kind of snuck up on Roger. It wasn't a real holiday, after all—just annoying, actually, unless he decided to pull something to annoy Maureen or Benny, in which case it was hilarious. But in the past year or so he'd had a lot to dread about April Fools Day, a lot of memories and unpleasantness that all piled up on top of itself until he just felt like locking himself in his room and waiting for it to all go away.
It's too quiet here, Roger thought as he paced from one room to the next in the empty loft, not sure where he was going or what he meant to do. Too much excess energy and nothing to do with it. That tended to be the way he was when important dates came around, the days that brought up memories he didn't want to face, the days it hurt just to exist and remember. He could either sit on the windowsill and stare outside, half-catatonic and lose himself in the past, or he could move, pace around the loft and try to remind himself that the past and the dead weren't all there was to think about.
One year ago today. It was exactly a year ago he'd sat in church in an uncomfortable suit and unable to cry, staring blankly ahead and half the time thinking not about his lost love but about how much he fucking needed a hit, right then… It was exactly a year ago they buried his April. Funny, how no one noticed at the time that the funeral was on April 1st, April Fools Day…
Maybe not so funny after all.
He stopped dead in the doorway of his bedroom—the room that used to be his and April's–bracing himself against the door frame. The room was almost empty now. He'd removed the things that reminded him of April long ago, and with him staying with Mimi more often than not, the room looked bare, like no one lived there, had ever lived there… But even that couldn't erase her from this room, couldn't dispel the memories that hit him all at once as he stood there in the doorway.
The bed they'd shared, still there. Making love to her, just the sound of her breathing and his, the way she'd bite her lower lip, and the way he never looked away from her eyes…
Sitting on the bed with her and sliding the needle into her arm for her while she watched him steadily, no expression on her face.
Staring down at her while she slept and breaking inside when he saw the crisscrossed pattern of old and healing scars on her arm, the angry red of newer cuts, and hating himself for not having noticed before.
Her leaning in to kiss him that first time, when they were both sitting on his bed, and she was so hesitant and so sweet and so damn beautiful…
"Roger?"
Roger jumped and caught his breath, spinning around quickly to face the front door of the loft. For a second he could have sworn it was April's voice, but no, that was imagination and aching memory and as he gathered his senses once more he focused on Mimi standing there, frowning at him quietly. "Yeah?"
"Are you okay?" she asked softly.
Something of his thoughts must have shown on his face, something of the old pain and the old hurt and the wounds that hadn't yet healed and never would heal, something of the wish that he could have his lost angel back, just for a moment…
But his other angel was standing there now, his wild angel with her danger and energy and vibrant life and his April's smile, and he did have her. Roger let out a shuddering breath and walked quickly across the room, pulling Mimi close to him in a desperate kiss. The warmth of her in his arms, his lips on hers, and this was real, this was right, this was what mattered, this moment and here and now.
He released her after several long moments and gave her a shaky smile. "Yeah, I'm fine." Or he would be. Just as long as he could get through the April showers and into May… he'd be fine.