Bryan's Diary
Well, I'm here again with another story! This takes its root in my day to day life, with added in randomness lol!
Disclaimer #1: I do not own beyblade
Disclaimer #2: The Gritch belongs to… The Gritch! (Ok, to Chu-Chi Face!)
Disclaimer #3: I do not own the Halifax adverts or the Sheila's Wheels adverts… Whoever wrote them should be shot!
Disclaimer #4: I do however, own Catman and Mofobugger. And join the Death to the Gritch club! Review me for more information lol!
Warning: Yaoi lime/light lemon ahead! (And no, that's not what we get up to at my ALL GIRLS school!) I think I may need to change the rating… sheer perverted ness, thank you Koren and Sarah! And there are pictures… Anyone wants to see, review me and I'll send them to you.
I want to make it clear that I did not write all of this. This is a who's written what guide.
Bryan: Jezz/Jess/Palmeo/Me
Kai: Koren/Pervert/Thing in the Corner
Tala: Amz/Amzy/Sherwa's Hump Machine
Johnny: Sarah/Sherwa/The Locker Room Lurker
Ian: Charlie/Charlz/Hurley
Bryan's Diary
31st March 2006
Johnny has made a fortune teller. I swear he is gay.
I am a transsexual! YAY!
Kai, why are you writing in MY diary?
Because I'm your shadow… hehe.
Kai. Leave me alone. No Johnny, I do not wish to take your fortune teller.
Do it! Do it! Do it! You're probably a poofta!
Bugger off Kai. And why are you getting a lift with the Gritch? I bet Ray won't be happy!
Hey! It's not my fault… honest!
Back seat action in the Gritch's banger!
I don't want to know. Maybe we should untie Enrique and stop threatening to put dots all over his face.
I want backseat action with the Gritch :'(
Kai! Don't scream in my ear! I know it's surprising that Johnny wants to screw Mariah… and I swear you are gay. You are brushing your hair, you big poof!
Umm, I'm not gay biatch, I am a BISEXUAL. Get it right, mofo!
…
Gay, bi, all the same. I go for anything which can shag!
… Sometimes I wonder about you guys. Seriously. Especially when Johnny is eating cream eggs.
You guys are all so gay!
It's not me that wants backseat action with the Gritch! And we already knew Johnny was.
The Gritch is minging and a total dildo. I would just like to say that Ray is FIT, and I can say that 'cos I'm a tranny!
Yum, yum I love Ray. Uh uh uh uhh!
Johnny stop masturbating with your toy spaceship, I think it's turning Bryan on.
Oh yeah! You want some Bryan?
GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM!
Oooooooo! I want some! Hehe!
Me too! Let's have a foursome!
Umm… I'm scared now.
What flavour are they? Camel?
I am very scared now. Even Ian would be easier to talk to than you guys and he is thirteen!
Strawberry? Oooo chocolate?
Tala, are you even listening to me?
Vanilla? What?
Stop being a pervert. I know you can't help being gay and a poof, but it's Kai that's the perv.
Hello? I'm writing in pink!
…Right.
I love pink! I might be getting my room painted pink!
What's this about toenail clippers?
Ok, if you really wanna know… Last year at drama club, Kenny had some toenail clippers with clipping sin and he opened it and started licking all the stuff out. Gross pukes .
Thanks for that information, Kai.
I love pink! Can we get pink condoms? Pleaseeeee?
Yeah pink, strawberry flavoured ones! You can get them in Tesco's, behind the chicken stuffers counter!
Yum! Yum! I'm getting a boner already! Wooooo!
Actually, why do we need condoms? Who has a dick here?
Me! I think…
I leave you guys for five minutes and what the hell has happened?
Bryan, do you have a dick?
None of your business!
Obviously you don't! Hehe, Bryan has no dick!
Shut up. I am a boy. Unlike you.
Really? You are a boy? Mine is bigger than yours! See, look!
Mine is so much bigger! When I have an erection, I could poke the world's tallest man in the eye!
Whatever! Mine is so long I could stand on it!
Now I am scared.
I better stop drooling, hey wait a minute, is that a model of a dick on your notice board Bryan?
What the- no! No! ARGH!
Omg, I was wondering where I left that! I made it myself!
Miss PissyPooPoo (teacher) keeps staring at us! I think she wants to join in! She's got her hand on the inside of her thigh; ready to masturbate!
Wooooooo!
What the… now I am extremely scared.
Aw Bryan's getting excited" PING Aaah yes, the microwaveable condoms are done. Camel flavour just for you Tala. C'mon peeps, slip 'em on!
There is a difference between scared and excited Kai.
No there isn't! There, mines on! Slurp! Yum camel!
Ka-pow! It's too small!
What your dick?
Shh you guys! The midget's here!
:P Hahaha your all pervs and you all wear big bras and thongs!
Damn it. How'd you guess?
Tala, he was being sarcastic.
Ewww haha! I'm telling!
Ian, you are so immature.
I so knew he was being sarcastic! I wear boxers like normal girls!
…
Teeheehoddleha – you slappers are so funny! Who wants to help me with the lube?
I will, my dick's so fat, I'll need a whole can to make it slip in! And in and out, in and out! Ah ah ah arrrggg. Oh Kai its you. Oh Kai, Kai KAI! You are the best BJer I've ever met. Ah ah ahhh oh.
Umm… (a) Ian is reading this and (b) They aren't doing anything dodgy. Just peering/perving over my shoulder.
Yeah, I'm reading this. I'm thirteen and I have a much bigger, hairier dick then you ever will. And I ain't no virgin like KAI! You're all fridges and you know it! I have like a million sexy gals after me. Oh yeah!
Uh huh? And we all know Ian nose everything.
You are a fridge Ian! The only thing after you is the circus. They want a new freak!
WHATEVER! I've snogged hundreds of girls and I am not a virgin either! And by the way I've done the Gritch a million times so don't diss! BTW Bryan masturbates with a spoon!
Insecure and immature, what a great combination. Excuse me, the village of big noses just called. They're missing their idiot.
I've snogged more girls than you and I'm gay! Not that I could believe that about Bryan.
Yer I've seen him doing it, and he uses that baby spoon from Johnny's Noddy egg cup. By the way Tala, watch out, Ian is erecting up your ass! Wahoo.
That's 'cos he's stood behind me dumbass! I would never do him in a million years!
:O That is a lie! I have had action and I am not desperate. I'm not a fag either!
My dick is thicker than your arm, skinny boy. And by the way, girls find my nose a turn on.
Oh yeah, I can totally believe that. And I am not skinny, I could snap you in half if I wanted to, save the fact I don't know when you last washed!
My best guess: NEVER! Hehe. And Ian's right, his dick is thicker than your arm, I thought he had three legs when I first saw him until he put a condom on and I realised it was his cock.
Hahaha. You can't snap a condom wrapper open!
Hehe! I can open them with y mouth! I don't usually need them though, seeing as I'm the only gay in this room. Hehe! But I do have a long term lover who is a woman! Guess who? Hehe!
Ooo… Is it the Gritch?
Nope!
Johnny?
Well… No!
Spill.
No you have to guess!
Tala Ivanov, this is my diary, so I say what goes.
Nope!
Tala, if you don't tell me in five minutes, I will make what Garland did to you seem like a paper cut.
Again – condom wrapper + you not happening!
Argh! GAH!
Umm… Bryan is currently slamming Tala's head into a wall… Do you think we should stop him?
No, it's funny!
Ow ow ow oh baby I love it when your angry! Grrrrrr!
Argh! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM RIGHT NOW!
Nope hehe!
Now now Tala. You wouldn't want me to call the Gritch now would you?
Oooo yes please!
I now know the scariest sound in the world. Kai singing a Tina Turner song. 'Simply the Best' to be precise.
I am a brilliant singer tralala have you heard my latest song 'Ode to a homo dildo'?
Have you been looking through the curtain when I'm in the shower?
Damn it, why do people keep guessing my secrets?
Tala, he was being sarcastic.
No I wasn't! Seriously. I don't mind. How's my cock looking? I'm starting my rent boy job tonight and I want to know if I need an enlargement!
Soz luv, but I'm outta your league it just ain't gonna work you are a bit droopy down below if you get my gist!
You ain't seen me when I'm hard! Why aren't there any sexy ladies around here? I'm horny as hell!
You're hard now you twat!
Meh. Go screw Johnny. He's just as sex mad as you are. Kai! Is anyone going to save me from this lunacy? Johnny! Put that bloody dual harp away!
Shut up, I'm trying to shag Mr Teddykins!
…
Isn't he off cbeebies – the free porn channel? He's so sexy; I love it when he does that striptease with the tweenies… 'Hey hey are you ready to play?' aaaah…
I'm not sure what's scarier, your sexual preference or knowledge of children's cartoons!
Oh shut up you catsexual! I saw you eying up Mr Tinkles!
And you went hard as well!
Ian, it's a teddy bear. I can't believe I just said that.
Who wants to see my sexy dance? It involves nudity!
No Ian, Put it away.
I can't! You can't put the beast back in the cage! Rooar!
I think I know a trick or two that will prove you can!
Ooo I like magic tricks! Can I be a volunteer?
I am surrounded by perverts. And Tala, I will never be so desperate as to screw you.
Yeah, whatever! How do you explain yesterday huh? You said you loved me!
Yesterday? I can explain that easily, Tala. It was an erotic dream. I mean, I understand you fancy me, I know I'm good-looking, but when will you get it into your head that I am not gay?
Yeah whatever don't try and deny it! You came onto me, you were so desperate! I said no again and again but then I gave in! You look like a troll! I regret it now though!
Right… After the Easter holidays Tala, you are so dead…
Anything you don't agree with, send addressed to Koren lol! And tell me who is the funniest: Jezz (Bryan), Koren (Kai), Sherwa (Johnny), Amz (Tala) or Charlie (Ian).
And the updates might be a wee bit slapdash, it's holidays at the moment and I don't do that many interesting things! Look out for Bryan going on Ian's rugby tour and being swamped with thirteen year olds lol!