Disclaimer: I only own the stuff that's mine, and that's very little. I don't know if I'm supposed to disclaim the lines I borrow from the show, but I did, so I am. And I stole that one line from "The Notebook" because I had to and it's like the best movie ever.
A/N: Right now, I'm writing like crazy because I can't get this story out of my head, but I don't want to spoil you guys and update too often. Sorry, but I tend to write in fragments, I know I shouldn't and you'd think an Honors student would know better, but I can't help it, so sorry. I love reviews and LOVE specifics, so leave them please. Here's a longish update to tide you guys over until I get the next one done.
Ashley got tired of waiting. She tried to, though. She did. But that little pink pill that's supposed to help the nausea makes her drowsy. She closed her eyes to rest, just for a second, but she fell asleep. Spenceer wants to get back to Ashley as soon as she can, but her mother isn't making it easy. She keeps saddling Spencer with jobs to do like she's here to work or something. Oh right, she is, she forgot. Spencer's volunteering stopped being about getting work done the second she met Ashley. It scared her at first. How quickly she fell for Ashley. Somewhere between thesoap operasand the protein injections, it happened. Spencer thinks it's called "falling in love" for this reason. Because it happens so quickly. If she had "walked into love" she could've stopped it. She could've turned the other way and avoided the whole thing.
Spencer knows this is a bad idea. She knows it's one of the worst things she could be doing. She has so many other things to be thinking about. The last thing she should be doing is getting herself involved with this girl. And it's not just because she's a girl. Really, it's not. Spencer's covered the whole "gay thing" and she's quite over it. Girls, she could handle. Ashley, now she was a different matter entirely. She'd heard a lot about Ashley. Nurses gossip like teenage girls and Spencer hears a lot of dissuading things about her. But Ashley makes her feel good. Makes her feel like she's actually doing something right for once and life doesn't just suck complete ass. And she knows she makes Ashley feel better. When Spencer came back that second time, Ashley told her that she'd had a completely above average day and Spencer said she had too. And it was true. Ashley was either the best thing to happen to her or the worst. Spencer wasn't sure which.
She doesn't get back to Ashley's room until she's supposed to go home. Visiting hours are over, but Spencer knows the nurse on duty and is able to sweet-talk her way past her. She knocks on Ashley's door but pushes it open before she gets an answer. Ashley's fallen asleep and Spencer smiles when she sees this because Ashley snores a little. Spencer takes a seat next to Ashley at the foot of the bed because that's where she's fallen asleep. The hospital-regulation paper pants Ashely's wearing are riding low so Spencer can see Ashley's stomach where her wife-beater's ridden up. Spencer notices a ghost of a scar on the inside of Ashley's ribs and winces because she can guess where it came from.
Spencer's eyes dart up to Ashley's face when she stirs. Ashley throws a tired arm over her eyes and murmurs in her sleep. Spencer reaches out and takes hold of a delicate wrist and lifts Ashley's arm away from her face. Ashley's eyes roll open lazily and she has to blink a couple times to clear the sleep away. Chocolate brown eyes focus on ice blue onesand Ashley tries to sit up but can only manage to prop herself up on her elbow. She waits for Spencer to speak first because she doesn't trust her voice right now.
"Hey." Spencer says.
"Hey." Ashley croaks back. Spencer's gotten used to this and she doesn't need to ask why Ashley's voice is so raspy.
"I'm sorry." Spencer tries to collect her thoughts, tries to think of a reason to justify her behavior. Finally she just settles for the truth. "But I couldn't deal with not being with you."
"I'm not easy," Ashley breathes.
"That's not what I heard." Ashley smiles a little, which is all Spencer really wanted.
"I meant to be with." And Spencer knows this. She knows Ashley means in more ways than one. But Spencer also knows how she feels. She may be scared, but love trumps fear, everytime.
"I know," she says. And Ashley asks her if she does. If she really does. Because this isn't something to be entered into lightly. Wherever they go from here, some days are going to be harder than the really hard days and none of it's going to be easy. Spencer takes Ashley's hand and thinks that this is easy. If they keep it simple, they can make it work. One day at a time, like they do everything else. And Spencer knows. She loves Ashley. Ashley loves her. It's as simple and difficult as that.
Ashley's tired again. She thinks about putting her head in Spencer's lap because she doesn't have the energy to hold it up anymore. But Spencer just draws her legs up and lays down next to Ashley, so Ashley lies back down too. Close enough that most of them is touching. Spencer rests her forehead against Ashley's and watches as her eyes close. Spencer's afraid to close her eyes, she wants to be sure Ashley will be there when she wakes up. When she's convinced she will be, Spencer wraps an arm around Ashley's tiny waist and falls asleep too.
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There's a small hand shaking her shoulder when Spencer's woken up. It's still dark out and Spencer doesn't know why Ashley would wake her up in the middle of the night. Unless something was wrong. Spencer is immediately awake and reaching for the call button when Ashley catches her hand and tells her, no, she's okay. Ashley looks at Spencer and even in the dark Spencer can see the change in her eyes. The calm that's usually there is replaced by frantic almost-worry and Spencer asks her what's wrong.
"You wanna get out of here?" Ashley asks her. "You wanna just go somewhere? Right now, you and me?" And Ashley's up and out of bed before Spencer can tell her no.
"Ashley, stop. You know you can't leave."
"Can't or won't?"
"Can't," Spencer reiterates. This is stupid. She still has an IV needle in her-- no, she's pulling it out. "Ash! What the hell?"
"Empty," Ashley says, tapping the drained bag on the IV pole to illustrate her point. "I'm all rehydrated now, I don't need it anyway."
"You still can't leave." But Ashley's already stepping out of her pants and pulling on jeans that she's gotten too small for. "What do you think's gonna happen when the nurses come to check on you and your bed's empty?"
"We won't be gone that long," Ashley insists, still undressing right in front of Spencer. "I just...I--I really need to get out of here, Spence. And I'm really hoping you'll come with me."
Spencer doesn't even try to argue anymore. She knows she'll give in. She can't say no to Ashley. She just helps Ashley into the rest of her clothes and gives Ashley her belt because Ashley's pants look like they're about to fall off. It really isn't that hard to sneak out. The security guards don't notice or don't care and the nurses aren't even paying attention. Before they get to the lot where Spencer has her car parked, Ashley snatches a surgical mask from a nearby dolly and secures it over her mouth. Spencer takes her hand and leads them through the maze of cars until they find hers and just drive.
There's a surprising amount of traffic at 2:30 in the morning but neither girl seems to care. Spencer has the CD player turned on and Ashley makes air waves outside the window to the sounds of Marisa Lauren. Spencer has loaned her two sweatshirts and Ashley keeps tugging the sleeves over her hands because she's still cold and not even LA nights are warm enough for her. Spencer makes her shut the window. Ashley sees an exit sign and tells Spencer to turn off. Here.
Spencer pulls the car into park and lets the engine idle for a moment. In all the time she's ben in LA, she can't believe she's never been to the beach. Ashley pulls her sweatshirts tighter around her and shoves her hands in the pocket once she's out of the car. Spencer quickly falls into step beside her and reaches into Ashley's pocket to take hold of a cool hand. About 10 feet from the water, Ashley suddenly stops and sits down so quickly Spencer thinks she's fallen. But she hasn't, she just pulls Spencer down next to her. After Spencer sits down, Ashley moves as close as possible before just climbing into Spencer's lap all together. Spencer doesn't object when Ashley straddles her waist and buries her face in the crook of Spencer's neck. She just wraps her arms around Ashley's slender frame and rubs her back to try and keep her from shaking.
"Spence?" Ashley breathes.
"Hmm?"
"You believe in God, right?" Ashley turns her head to the inside of Spencer's neck to sheild herself from the wind. Spencer's really warm.
"Yeah. I do."
"Do you believe in heaven?" The hand moving in slow circles on Ashley's lower back stills. Just for a second, but Ashley notices. Spencer doesn't like where this is going. She want to say so, but she doesn't want to make Ashley angry.
"Yes."
"Why?" Ashley asks. And she isn't being indignant or deprecating, she's honestly just curious.
"I don't know." And she doesn't. Spencer never really thought about it. It was always just a given. She's still uncomfortable with this conversation.
"I think I like reincarnation better," Ashley says matter-of-factly. "I'd rather come back." Spencer thinks that maybe that's okay.
"What do you wanna be?"
"A seagull," Ashley says without hesitation. "So I can stay by the ocean." Spencer smiles into Ashley's hair because she can't picture Ashley anywhere else. Spencer tightens her hold on Ashley when she feels her shiver.
Ashley dips her head a little and presses a kiss to Spencer's bare shoulder. Even through the mask she's wearing, Spencer can feel her lips. "You have to be a seagull too, 'kay?"
"Of course," Spencer says, entirely serious. "If you're a bird, I'm a bird." And Spencer nudges Ashley just enough so she sits up. Spencer reaches out a hand and rolls down the mask even though she knows she shouldn't. Ashley doesn't stop her and Spencer kisses her as softly and quickly as she can before replacing the mask. Ashley leans closer and whispers, it's muffled but Spencer can hear it. She smiles and whispers back that she loves Ashley too.
A/N: I don't think I mentioned before, but this fic is taking place in the summer because I'm lazy and I don't want to write around them going to school, plus this way they get to spend more time together. Now, kindly hit that little button in the corner of the screen and tell me what you think. If I get enough reviews, you'll get an update tomorrow.