Disclaimer: See anything familiar to you? Then I don't own it, kay? So don't sue me. BUT I DO OWN THE POEM: FREE... sadly...
Courtney: Had this posted before, (x3, i keep putting it up even though i know its going to get taken off... Anybody know how to keep it on?) but it got taken off because I said thank you to my first reviewer ever -.- WELL GUESS WHAT! IM GONNA SAY IT AGAIN! MWAHAHAHA! THANK YOU UNDERGROUND NINJA YOU ROCK! Take some krispy kremes! Holds out a box of the donuts and smiles
Concrete Angel
He walks to school with the lunch he packed
Nobody knows what he's holding back;
Wearing the same clothes he wore yesterday
He hides the bruises with makeup on his face
I couldn't help but hear that song as I walked to school. It was my favorite. I changed a few of the words as I remembered it so that they matched me.
My father had come home very late last night. He was drunk again. I could smell the booze the moment he walked into the house. I'd gone upstairs, to hide like the little coward I was, but he'd found me anyway.
He told me how worthless I was, and how I was a mistake he wished he could erase. He screamed in my face that my mother deserved to die, and that I deserved to lose her, all the while he was beating me with his bare fists and kicking my with his booted feet. I went to bed battered and bleeding, but all I could do was lie down and fall into uneasy, exhausted sleep. But you wanna know the worst part about it? I believed every word that my father slurred out. He always made me feel that I'd done something wrong. Maybe I had. I couldn't really tell anymore. I just wanted it to end.
I arrived at school and smiled weakly up at my safe haven. I wished that I could live there. Away from the pain, physical and emotional, that always awaited me whenever my father was 'home'.
The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask,
It's hard to see the pain behind the mask;
Bearing the burden of a secret storm,
Sometimes he wishes he was never born;
It was funny how similar my life was to that song. Maybe that's why I couldn't stop thinking of it. A few of my teachers occasionally stopped me in the halls, a look on their faces that was a mixture of pity and helplessness. I didn't expect anything from them, thought. I never had expected anything of anyone. It wasn't their fault. So I just stayed the quiet little albino boy that I was; the poor weakling with a horrible predetermined fate. But I couldn't help but wonder why they hadn't yet tried to help me. Why won't anyone save me?
I caught their glances as we sat at a circular table in the cafeteria. Yugi and Jou and all the others. They always looked at me as if I was about to break, and their voices would cause me to shatter. I secretly screamed to them for help, but I guess they didn't get the message.
They all thought it was Bakura who hurt me. They treated him with hate, even though they wouldn't show it in front of little Ryou, I knew it. I felt responsible for the way they treated him. Maybe that was why I was tortured further by my own hand.
Yes, I just said it. I cut. I don't know how to stop, and I don't know if I want to. The sight of my own crimson blood against my pale complexion was addicting. As was the pain. Every time I sliced open my arm, the pain grew. I guess I did it because it took my mind off what would happen later on. Self-inflicted pain was better than pain that you had no control over. When I cut, I felt in control. Cutting gave me control. It was the only thing that mad me feel like I could be in charge of my life.
As the day passed, I found myself praying for it to go slower, as I did every day, but three o'clock came and went, and I walked home, along, in the pouring rain.
Through the wind and the rain,
He stands hard as a stone in a world that he can't rise above;
But his dreams give him wings and he flies to a place where he's loved.
Concrete angel
I tried to imagine myself sitting at home, my father next to me and my mother and sister next to him, all smiling lovingly. I tried to imagine myself feeling safe and loved and... happy. And it worked for about ten minutes. Then I arrived on the front porch of my house. I knocked reluctantly, knowing that Bakura would be home. With any luck, my father had been held at work for an extra hour.
/Ryou... is that you/ I heard Bakura ask through our link.
/Yeah, it's me. Please let me in, it's cold./
Bakura rushed to the door to let me in.
"What were you thinking! You could die of pneumonia in weather like this!" He scolded. It seemed that someone was looking after me today, as my father was not yet home. I let Bakura pull me inside by my upper arm. Only when he reached down to take my wrist did I cry out.
"Ryou! What's wrong?" I smiled. 'Cold-hearted Bakura', as my other friends had ignorantly dubbed him, was becoming increasingly caring as the days passed and turned into months which turned to years...
"Nothing. Just my wrist... hurts... I fell and scraped it today." I lied. It hurt lying to Bakura, because I sometimes felt that he was the only one who really ever cared for me. Yugi, Yami, Jou, Anzu, Malik, Marik... they were my friends, but they just didn't understand Bakura. I did.
"Let me see your wrist. Come with me to the bathroom and we can get you fixed up." Bakura offered.
This was what I hadn't wanted to happen. I didn't want Bakura worrying about me. I didn't want him to know... it would hurt him too much. I didn't want to hurt him.
"N-no it's okay. I'm fine." another lie. Keep going Ryou, and you'll be in the book of world records soon.
"Just let me see it." Bakura said.
"I said it's alright. My sharp tone startled me and my hand flew up to cover my mouth. Now he'd really know something was wrong.
Bakura looked at me oddly. "Is something bothering you, hikari?"
"No. I'm fine. Really."
"No you're not. I can feel it. You're hurting, Ryou. I know it. Why?" Bakura had always been blunt, even though I'm sure he was trying his best to be compassionate. I laughed softly. But then I remembered his question.
"I'm not hurting, Bakura." I said, even though I knew that he knew I was lying. I saw his face fall a bit. He was disappointed that I was keeping something from him.
Before I knew it, Bakura had pulled me into his arms and was holding me tightly. "Please tell me, hikari."he pleaded. I looked up and saw his eyes were damp with tears that had not yet fallen.
I couldn't hide it anymore. I didn't want to. Maybe it would end if I told Bakura everything... maybe he would save me. Take me away somewhere where my father could never find me. Somewhere I could be safe. Somewhere that I could call home. Well, that would be easy enough. Where ever Bakura was would be my home.
"I- Bakura..." I paused to let a few tears drip from my eyelashes. "I can't- it's just... you're right... I am hurting. But it's my fault; I deserve it... it did... something..." I couldn't figure out what I'd done, but I knew it was truly my fault.
Bakura seemed to understand completely, even though I hadn't really told him anything. He just held me, then began to speak. "It's not your fault that you're hurting. I know what you're going through Ryou... I really do... And I'm going to help you fight it... Okay?
I don't think Bakura ever knew the full meaning of his words. The meaning to me. I felt relieved and scared at the same time, and I buried my face in my yami's chest.
"Bakura... I can't... I'm too weak..."
"You're not weak Ryou. And you'll have me here to help you." Bakura whispered sternly.
"I- Bakura, I'm tired. I hurt too much..."
"Shh... it's alright. Tomorrow's another day; we'll start tomorrow. Everything will be okay. Why don't you go to bed? Get some rest."
"I won't be able to sleep anyway." I whispered, shaking my head feebly. "I'm too scared."
Bakura let go of me only for a second, then intertwined his fingers with mine. We walked upstairs to my room and Bakura tucked me into my bed. He kissed my forehead lightly then said, "Good night." and made to walk out of the room. But he couldn't. I held his hand still, as if I feared that if I let go I would fall away into the darkness and disappear.
"Bakura... please stay? Just for tonight... I don't want to be alone." I choked back a sob.
Bakura sighed. After a long silence, he finally spoke up. "Okay."
I smiled a thank you as Bakura crawled onto my small bed and wrapped his arms around me.
"Go to sleep, little one." he whispered.
And for the first time in a few years, I fell into pleasant slumber. I even had a dream wherein Bakura and I got away from my father and lived happy lives far away with my mother and little sister... I slept peacefully through nearly the whole night. But I awoke abruptly to find that Bakura had gone, and hearing my father clomping drunkenly up the stairs, falling into the walls as he went.
/Bakura/ I yelled through the link. My heart was beating rapidly. /Bakura where are you/
/Ryou? What's wrong? I'm at the store, I'll be back in a few minutes tops... I'm sorry for leaving without saying anything.../
/Bakura please help me! Please, come back! It's my father- he's home... I-I'm scared/
/Stay where you are, lock your door. I'm on my way. Just hold him off for a while, I'm coming Ryou.../
/Please hurry./
"Ryyyyyyyyyyyoooooooouuuuu get yeeeeer laaaazzzzyyyy aaaaaaaaarse dowwwwwwwn heeeeeeeere." My father drawled. I did as Bakura had instructed, shutting the door, but I couldn't lock it... there was no lock.
So I just leaned against it, praying that Bakura would be home soon and rescue me. I didn't want this anymore; I didn't want to be hurt.
My father banged on my door with his fists for a few minutes, then stopped and it seemed that he was gone. I opened the door and looked out. Maybe I would live for just one more night. He wasn't there.
I heard a faint shuffling noise, and I spun around. He was there. How did he get in? I broke into tears as he came toward me. I was so weak. I could have run, but I didn't. I could have tried to fight back, but I didn't. I wanted it to be over. I wanted the pain to go away. I wanted to be free to fly through the night and never return. Maybe I would find heaven along the way.
Somebody cries in the middle of the night,
The neighbors hear but they turn out the lights;
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fat,
When morning comes it will be too late.
Through the wind and the rain,
He stands hard as a stone in a world that he can't rise above;
But his dreams give him wings and he flies to a place where he's loved.
Concrete angel.
/Ryou! Ryou say something, tell me you're okay! Ryou, I'm in the car, I'm almost home/ Bakura screamed frantically through our link. I didn't want him to have to feel my pain, so I closed the link, locking it tight, but not before saying goodbye.
/Thank you Bakura. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much you've done for me... you've been there for me when nobody else was around... you've picked me up off the ground plenty of times... you even fought away my bullies. And now, because of you, I'm going to leave happily. Please don't be sad. This was coming anyway; there was no way you could stop it. But you... you're like my anesthesia... my morphine... you take the pain away. I just wanted to say goodbye... and thank you for setting me free./
And as I finished, I felt my fathers hand once again meet with my cheek. Then he took out his belt, and I slouched on the floor, waiting for the end. Tears streamed down my face. Some of them were tears of joy, others were tears of relief, and yet still others of sadness. But the thing was, I wasn't sad anymore... not really... I was free... and happy. I knew that there truly was someone who cared for me here on earth, and now I was going off to heaven. To my mother and sister. Maybe someday I'd see him again... maybe he'd join us in heaven.
A statue stands in a shaded place,
And angle boy with an upturned face;
His name is written on a polished rock,
A broken heart that the world forgot.
Everyone was there. Bakura, Yugi, Yami, Anzu, Jou, Malik, Marik, and even Seto and his little brother. They had all come to say goodbye, and I was glad for that. I watched as people cried and set flowers on the casket which held my lifeless body. Then I looked at the disheveled appearance of my yami. His beautiful silver hair had lost its glow and was now flecked with gray, and his eyes were once again cold. He stepped forward to give my eulogy.
"Ryou asked me not to be sad, just before he died. He told me that he was free. And I'm really hoping that he is. I'm not good with things like this... but I do have something that I wrote... for Ryou... and I'd like to read it..."
I listened closely. Bakura wrote something for me?
Free
Free to float on silver wings,
Free to fly away.
Free to live your life as planned,
Free to throw your cares away.
Free from fear of drunken fists,
Free from fear of pain,
Free from fear of being alone,
Fears no longer remain.
Free to be happy,
Free to have fun,
Free to be a child for once,
Go play, my little one.
Play in the rain,
Bask in the sun,
Dance on top of clouds,
Laugh til eternity is done.
When forever has ended,
And we meet each other again at last,
I hope you can forgive me
For not catching on so fast.
Now as I say goodbye,
And I look upon your bruised face,
I hope that you are truly free;
I hope you've found your place.
Bakura stepped down and they lowered my casket into the ground.
"Thank you Bakura." I looked at my mother and little sister, floating next to me, beaming. "I have."
And faintly, the last strain of my favorite song sang out clearly:
Through the wind and the rain,
He stands hard as a stone in a world that he can't rise above;
But his dreams give him wings and he flies to a place where he's loved...
Concrete Angel
And the wind blew away the tune, and I never heard it again.
Courtney: Please review! As always, krispy kremes abound! I just bought a few fresh batches! Come on... you know you want to... .