*trumpets sound as a group of colorfully dressed people piles onto a stage, and begin dancing and singing*
ENSEMBLE:
You're probably so excited, though you're trying to hide it,
Here's a horn, and it sounds like a bull! (moo~!)
We are the show's ensemble, and we know our moms will,
Be so proud that we're a part of this musical!
You'll be blown away, so put your phone away,
Unless that's how you're reading right now!
You're about to see our play, The Night Is Short,
You're about to see it right...
After we start up this fic, but first, some more of this scene,
Because we've got some disclaimers to bring,
This is an unlicensed spoof, we're all just trying to goof here,
I mean, really, Yuuko's solo says everything!
To avoid arraignment, this is just entertainment,
Any trademarking we disavow,
It's all totally free, our play, The Night Is Short,
You're about to see it right...
Female Singer:After this message about our platform!
Male Singer:Fanfiction-dot-net!
Female Singer:We're using it to show you those lovely digital...
ENSEMBLE:
Curtains you're scoping,
Which we promise to open,
'Cause that's just what you're hoping we'll do.
As we'll keep singing this song,
We know it's taking so long...
Unknown voice:Just start it now!
*the ensemble scatters, and the curtains open to show Laila Ishihara*
*18-year-old Leyenar Oh joins her shortly after, dressed like a pirate*
Leyenar:Spectacular, spectacular! No words in the vernacular...can describe this great event, you'll be dumb with wonderment! Good evening, dear readers, I'm Leyenar Oh. This is Laila, the star of the show.
Laila:One thing I guarantee, the story we're about to tell you is so disturbing, we've stationed a registered nurse outside in the lobby.
Leyenar:She is armed with a tranquilizer dart gun for those needing sedation. She also has Xanax and Vicatin she got off the internet.
Laila:And please, for the love of Pete, do not turn off your cell phones.
Leyenar:Mm-mm, nah. You're probably gonna wanna call your mama.
Laila:There you have it. There will be no intermission tonight. This show is eight hours long.
Title is taken from Tomihiko Morimi's The Night Is Short, Walk On, Girl.
Aaaand the grand experiment kicks off! Trust me, I had a hard time working yet another partner into Basco "Me No Trust Anyone" Ta Jolokia's life, but because of her, his whole world will be shook, and that I guarantee.
Main pairings will be Joe X Laila(OC) and Basco X Marvelous, with a side of Ahim X Luka, Doc X Gai, and Warz Gill having an innocent crush on Barizorg. (Yes, I do believe Warz is a child trapped in an adult body.) When you think of Laila, think of a cross between DC's Cyborg, Tenya Iida from My Hero Academia and Go Go Tomago from Big Hero 6.
I gave everyone's species a name, save for Ahim's and Earth humans.
Oh, and I made Basco use full-on pirate lingo, because why not?
熟田津に船乗りせむと月待てば潮もかなひぬ今は漕ぎ出でな
From Nigitatsu
Would we set sail, and
Did await the moon, but
With the tides against us
Now must we go a'rowing!
An obsidian-haired woman covered in black armor sighed as she downed her denki-bran laced with motor oil, reciting a piece of poetry from the Manyoshu. Her name was Laila Ishihara, someone odd that defied nature itself. Sitting across her were an Acheronian Kaijin in human form and a Tormian Space Monkey, her new co-workers.
At first, she was just kind of in the middle, fighting everyone when she first came from America to Japan. But then the kaijin, Basco Ta Jolokia, had caught her eye. It was sure hard earning the trust of Mr. I Don't Trust Anybody but in the end, all she had to do was feed his monkey with all the bananas she could find. The monkey, Sally, had begged Basco to let her keep Laila, and he had no choice but to agree. And as time passed by, he also found her quite useful, with her excellent fighting skills but every time she tried to get him into bed, he turned her away. Turns out he wanted the red captain of the Gokaigers, the Shezaran named Marvelous. And as much as it offended her, who was she to dare go against it?
Even with her heritage, she knew full well that going head-on against an Acheronian Kaijin was a losing game, unless your name was Damaras.
Her wrist beeped, and she groaned before bringing up an image. It was Insarn of Karta, the technician and engineer of the Zangyack Empire who had been giving her upgrades since day one.
"Insarn, I'm on my break. I thought we agreed no commissions on break time."
"Blackstar, we need your assistance."
Everything froze. Basco put his wine down and tilted his head curiously. Sally let out an inquisitive "Uki?". Laila's eyes widened in panic and realization. Then she stood up straight and looked at her wrist.
"Insarn! What do you think you're doing, ay? You can't throw that name around, it's…"
"There was a reason why I used that name, First Officer. This commission doesn't require only Laila Ishihara—it requires the other girl, too." the Kartan said calmly.
"…oh." Laila sat down. "So it's THAT kind of mission."
"I apologize. Was there anyone in the vicinity?"
"Well, there was Basco, and Sally, but…"
"Do they have other obligations?" Laila looked at the kaijin-in-human-form, who shook his head.
"Not really, no. Why?"
"Tell them not to interfere, then."
"Alright, Insarn. Laila out." said the woman, then turned the transmission off. She sighed, then turned to her fellow privateer. "Sorry, Basco. I'll explain. Okay, so I guess I should start at the beginning. Or, wait, I should probably clarify some things first, or else this'll all just be extremely confusing. Okay, fact number one. I'm not American. Fact number two, I'm not technically 100% human. You see, technically, I'm half-human, half…You know about the Go-Ongers, right?"
"Aye." Basco nodded. His orange-tinged dark eyes bore into Laila's black-on-yellow ones.
"I was a bit of an accident. A happy accident. You see, one of the Go-Ongers loved his Engine partner so much that he wanted to mate with him, and the partner agreed, since he loved him back. At that point of time, Machine World was developing technology to forge children between its inhabitants. Uncle Speedor and Aunt Bear RV were the first to volunteer, and the result was Machalcon. My Papa, Gunpherd, was the second and my Dad, Gunpei Ishihara, was with him. But then Dad's hair got stuck in the kid-making machine and...and...and their code got all mixed up and created me." said Laila as she looked at her armored hands. "Laila Ishihara is my human name, and Blackstar is my Engine name. When I was six, I was sent to America with Uncle Hiroto and Aunt Miu so they could protect me from remaining Gaiark forces. There, I met the Power Rangers and got to know a lot of them."
Basco placed a hand on his chin, studying the girl in front of him. Oddly enough, it made sense. Laila had Go-On Black's height, hair, energy, attitude, but she had the same eyes as Black's Engine partner, and that black armor seemed to be a part of her, like a second skin. Plus, now that he thought about it, that hairstyle DID look a bit like that of Go-On Black's.
"Aye, then, tell me what yer mission be." Basco nodded.
"I...the Zangyack wants me to seduce GokaiBlue, and then get rid of him." said Laila, flushed a bright red. "Turns out you weren't the only one jealous of him, so was that idiot prince of theirs."
The two privateers shared a hearty laugh.
"What strategy are ye plannin' to use?" Basco asked.
"SEE." replied Laila. "It's an acronym for Seen Every Time Everywhere. I will appear in front of him as frequently as possible, ensuring our meetings push beyond the realm of mere chance, and he'll have no choice but feel the red string of fate! Thus, he'll fall for me and that's where I strike."
Sally clapped her cymbals together in delight. Basco took another sip of his wine, then exclaimed "Speaking of that, Laila-kun, I just caught news that there the Gokai Galleon's layin' anchor fer a few weeks 'ere in Pontocho, perhaps ye'll come across yer target sooner than anticipated..."
Laila smiled. Basco had found her boyish behavior quite compelling(just like how she found his effeminate behavior), leading to him coining the nickname "Laila-kun" for her.
The Next Day
"One Piña Colada, please!" said Captain Marvelous of Shezara as he entered a cocktail bar in Pontocho, and the bartender complied. In all honesty, his love for rum was so pure that all the waters of Titharia, an ocean planet, could be made out of it for all he cared. Soon, he was joined by his crew, Joe Gibken of Lwiowl, Luka Millfy of Novia, Ahim De Famille of Famille, Don "Doc" Dogoier of Veruvia and Gai Ikari of Earth.
Everyone ordered a cocktail of their color, save for Gai, who ordered a Mint Julep.
Laila saw her chance, then took her place next to Joe. "Looks like you can hold your drink. Have one on me." she said coolly, then called out "Get this blue boy a blue Margarita!"
"WHAT?! Oh, no, I..." said the Lwian.
Soon, the bartender brought out a blue Margarita and Laila began speaking. "Laila Ishihara." she introduced herself. "You're GokaiBlue, am I correct?"
Joe opened his mouth to say something, but then Gai jumped in. "Of course he is! I know you, you're the daughter of Gunpei Ishihara, Go-On Black! My name's Gai Ikari, Go~kaiSilver!"
"Buzz off." Laila snapped, leaving Gai stunned. She then placed an arm around Joe and declared "So, after a lot of thinking...I decided to honor my parents' legacy and join you guys. Find out what's valuable and hold tight."
"So you're joining us?" Don asked.
"Hell no." said Laila. "You might have good intentions, but like hell I'm gonna be a pirate willingly. Besides, the Go-Onger spirit is strong in my soul. I'd rather fight the Zangyack in my own way. By the way...you have a pretty nice body, don'tcha?" she said, stroking Joe's abs.
"Hey, whaddaya doing to my nakama?!" yelled a tipsy Marvelous as he got up and punched Laila in the face. She was knocked out, her black armor rippling, the shunga she borrowed from Basco flying all over the place.
"You sure showed her, captain!" said Luka.
A piece of shunga landed in Ahim's lap. "Hmm? Well, this is rather shameless." she said, looking at the samurai and geisha locked in a passionate embrace.
"Hey!" yelled Laila, trying to gather the paintings. "They belong to my coworker! He's an art collector!" She then turned her eyes to Joe and said "Quite the boyfriend you have there...what a shame, guess I'll have to seek hot action somewhere else."
"He's not my boyfriend." Joe snorted. "I'm straight as an arrow. Oh, and is your coworker part of that gross Bedchamber Investigation Team?"
"What? No, he's not! He's a pri—" She almost said privateer but that would be flunking the mission so she said "He's just a plain simple art collector!"
"Oh, no, this is inappropriate behavior for a Super Sentai Warrior's daughter!" Gai said.
Luka sighed. "Even if she wanted to, we should NEVER let her into the crew." she said.
Even after that messy night, Laila kept appearing in front of Joe. Of course, it was all part of Operation SEE.
"You again?!" yelled the blue first officer.
"I was only passing by chance!" replied the black half-Engine.
"You again?!"
"I was only passing by chance!"
"You?!"
"I was only passing by chance!"
"Y..."
"...ance!"
After bumping into Joe several more times, Laila entered a cocktail bar and pulled out her phone, which was beeping.
Basco Ta Jolokia (エロ船長/Captain Pervert) texted Laila Ishihara (ライラ君/Laila-kun)
Laila-kun:Oh, god, Basco, what is it with you?
Captain Pervert:Just wanted to know 'ow it been goin'.
Laila-kun:No progress yet. But at least you don't have to worry about your Marvey-chan going after Joe again, I found out the blue boy is straight. Wait until that airhead Warz Gill hears this...
Captain Pervert:Wouldn't THAT be a hoot!
Laila-kun:Interesting to see, indeed.
She ended the text and ordered a Pink Lady. She was already looking forward to the next day.
"Enjoyed stalking me, eh, Go-On Black Jr.?" said a male voice, making her turn around.
"GokaiBlue?!" cried Laila, startled.
"The name's Joe." said the man in mention, several cocktail glasses lying about his spot. "I'm not sure what you see in me for you to keep bumping into me, but I'd appreciate it if you cut it out."
"Nuh-uh." Laila mocked. "Besides, I weren't stalking you. I was only passing by chance."
"Really?" Joe snorted. "Because it didn't seem like that to me." He then drew his GokaiSaber and put the blade to the half-Engine's neck before asking "What are you hiding?"
"Nothing." said Laila. "I'm just attracted to you, that's all. I saw you fight. It was more alluring than any Super Sentai Warrior I've met before. It made me wonder what you're like in bed."
"Way to make it blatant. You can try and get me into bed until the cows come home, but I will never do it with you. Even a straight guy has standards, and stalkers aren't my type. Neither are erotic art collectors. I hear your father is a police detective, what would he say about this? Like Gai said, this is no way in hell appropriate behavior for a Super Sentai Warrior's daughter." said Joe, with a flushed face.
"But I'm not my Dad, am I?" Laila whispered.
The Lwian gulped. The gall of this woman! "No. You're not." he said.
"If you don't want me, then I respect your wish." she said before emptying her cup and making a beeline for the door.
"Wait!" Joe cried. "I...I actually think you're pretty interesting as well." He then wobbled over to her before collapsing in her arms.
Laila sighed. Looks like she had to take care of him for the night.
Basco lay on his stomach on his spacious bed aboard the Free Joker, flipping through his shunga collection, imagining his Marvey-chan in those exact positions under him.
Ever since he obtained a lost piece by Hokusai Katsushika during a used book festival, he had developed a taste for this specific category of erotic art. Looking at them satisfied his sexual frustrations a little bit, since he only wanted Marvelous(which meant he would accept no other partner) and long ago, when they were both faithful members of the Red Pirates, they had promised each other that, from now on, they would never have another.
Although it frustrated him no end that he was no longer Marvey-chan's naiad, he did not regret the decision to betray the Red Pirates that day. After all, in order to obtain something, one had to give something up...
...right?