Chuck Vs. The Dark Secret

Disclaimer: Had this come to mind and is likely to be triggering and is set after 'Chuck Vs. The Gravitron' with a somewhat AU ending. Though initially I did originally have this set around the time of Bryce's second return with the whole Von Hayes thing.

Summary: Since being betrayed and expelled from Stanford, Chuck Bartowski's been hiding a dark secret from everyone in his life. At least until now.

For years, Chuck Bartowski had been hiding a dark secret from everyone who knew him. And it had all started after getting betrayed by his former best friend and ex-girlfriend and being expelled from Stanford because of said former best friend. Over the years it became a ritual at his darkest moments, especially when the anniversary of his being kicked out came around. It was a ritual Chuck never thought would be discovered and was honestly surprised it hadn't been by Casey or Sarah after they came into his life. Especially considering their respective career choices and all that. But when Jill Roberts unexpectedly came back into his life yet again and things went the way they did, his mind had gone to that very familiar dark place once more. Finding himself once again sitting at the side of his bed, a half drunken bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and a gun in the other, staring at it as he always did when he got like this.

Contemplating once again if whether or not he should pull the trigger and just end it all once and for all as his drunken mind swirled with dark thoughts in his darkened room. Ignoring the sounds of all the fun coming from the rest of the apartment as Ellie, Awesome, and whoever else enjoyed Thanksgiving together. None of them knowing he was even in his room which suited him just fine. Sure, he knew now that Jill hadn't actually cheated on him but the fact it had been a lie all these years and for her to basically break his heart AGAIN just… Just hurt so badly that he heavily considered once again just shooting himself. Did I ever truly know Jill? What was real and what wasn't? I guess I'll never truly know.

Yes, she had answered those questions and they had all been positive bar one but that honestly didn't mean shit to him at that point in time. "Chuck, are you ev-WHY DO YOU HAVE A GUN!?" Screamed out a horrified Ellie after she had come into his room to find out if he was even there since no one had seen him in some time.

Having to learn the truth from Sarah that Jill had utterly destroyed Chuck again and her baby brother had needed some time alone. The whole thing had made Ellie hate that bitch even more than what she did before and swore to beat the Hell out of her if she ever came across her herself. Part of Ellie had hoped he was in his room so that she could give him a hug since he most likely needed one more than anything. But this? This was the last thing she was expecting! Her horrified scream had alerted everyone to come their way and they were equally stunned and horrified by the fact Chuck had a gun! A drunken giggle escaped Chuck as he squinted at the group thanks to the light pouring in his room. "Oh? This ol' thing? We're… We're old friends!" He slurred out with another giggle.

"Dude..."

"Go get Casey, Devon." Sarah told the good Captain and seeing the serious look on her face, Devon did as told while Jeff and Lester quietly made their leave while hoping like Hell Chuck would be okay in the end.

Leaving the two ladies on their own with Chuck as he took a drink from his Jack Daniels. "Chuck… Why, why do you have that thing?" Ellie asked with tears in her eyes.

She did NOT approve of guns one damn bit and had always been adamant about not having them in her house. And to learn that her own baby brother had one was not something she liked at all and given his old friends remark, it made Ellie wonder how long he'd had it. Ellie made to move forward but Sarah didn't let her, even giving her a warning look that made the Doctor and sister freeze in place. Cautiously, Sarah stepped forward instead as Devon, with Casey in tow, showed up. "Shouldn't… Shouldn't you be off having great make up sex with… With Bryce?"

The scorn in Chuck's voice freezed Sarah in place as hearing that from him of all people was shocking. "I fucking hate that bastard. Always, always taking everything from me. Never get to have anything."

"Bar-Chuck… Just… Put the gun down, okay? Put it down and let one of us take it." Came Casey's voice as he slowly came forward.

"Nah… I, I think I'll keep it. Maybe finally use it, ya know?"

"Sweetie, please let him take that thing." Pleaded Ellie.

Unfortunately, her baby brother ignored her as he chugged down some of his Jack Daniels. "Had this thing for years and almost used it lots of times." Slurred Chuck and furthering the horror that was felt.

"I get it, Chuck, I really do. Life's crapped on you more than it should have and I'm honestly not surprised this is happening. Hell, God knows there's been a few times in my life when I've nearly pulled the trigger on myself." Casey admitted honestly and shocking everyone present.

Hell, had he been forced to follow through on terminating Bartowski, he would have shot himself afterwards. "Chuck, you're better than this! You can't let that bitch do this to you! You've done more than she'll ever be able to do!" Sarah told him earnestly as tears came down her face.

Morgan added his own agreement as Chuck looked at Casey through hazy, unfocused eyes. "Did, did it feel good to shoot Bryce?"

"It did. I was pretty disappointed I didn't get to do it again after we found out he was alive."

Poor Ellie, Devon, and Morgan were mightily confused by that exchange. "I, I wish I coulda shot him with my friend here."

"But then you'd have felt guilty about it, Chuck. You know it, I know it, and so does everyone else. Its not in you to cause that kind of pain." Casey told him seriously.

A sniffle came from the drunken Nerd. "But it is in just about everyone else to cause ME pain. And… I'm so tired of it… So, so tired..."

His waving his gun around allowed for Casey to snatch it from him and allow for a crying Sarah to take it. "Where… Where'd my gun go?"

"I've got it, Chuck. Hafta say, its left me wantin' to check it out as its pretty impressive. Even worthy enough to be added to my collection." Lied the NSA man.

Drunken giggles escaped Chuck before he mumbled about how he was tired of all the crap in his life. Some of which made no sense to certain individuals in the room as he talked about it and both Casey and Sarah knew that it was going to be a difficult fight to get Chuck's loved ones to believe it was just nonsensical drunken ramblings. We're gonna have to have a long talk with the General after this.

"Sarah, get that thing out of here now!" Finally ordered Ellie and Sarah did as told.

Taking it all the way over to the inside of Casey's place before rushing back to Chuck's room just as he passed out. "What… What do we do now?" Wondered Morgan with a distinct waver to his voice as Devon held on tightly to a sobbing Ellie.

No one was quite sure but they knew something had to be done or this nightmare would end up repeating itself. I'm going to get a recording of this from Casey and show it to that bitch! She'll pay for causing this to happen to one of the best guys I know, damnit!

Ohh how Sarah wanted to do nothing more than beat Jill Roberts until she was unrecognizable and do the same to Bryce for good measure for his part in things. Even if he hadn't ever intended for it.

Author's Notes: So I've been sitting on this one for a few months now. Mainly March and I think the intention was for this to be a several chaptered story but that's just not ever happened. And at this point, not sure it will happen so its going into this fic for the time being.