This is based on the SpongeBob episode of the same name, and also a crossover with Kamen Rider OOO because I recently fell in love with the Ankh/Eiji pairing and then my hellhole of a brain went screw it all and give the boys their happy ending.
Also, Gai and Hina are BFFs because why not?
"The Crackpot Of Monte Kristo?" Marvelous asked, eyeing the libretto Doc handed him.
"It's about Prince Daruma's journey to find the eponymous Crackpot, who has been imprisoned! I was inspired by Kyosuke Jinnai to do my own guerrilla theater, to find my one and only destiny." said the Veruvian. "I met him after the first time we fought Basco, and some time before we met Gai. I was sitting on a bench by myself, and then all of a sudden, the sky began raining apples."
"Apples?" asked Ahim.
"It was most likely some people trying to make candied apples on the floors above us must have, by chance, tripped at the same time! And at the exact same time, apples bounced off both of our heads! That instant, my heart shot out of my chest, for I have fallen in love. I knew it could only be fate!" exclaimed Doc. "However, beyond that, I had no idea what to do next. Since our only connection was the apples that bounced off both of our heads, I wasn't sure what to say to him. And even after we parted, I just simply could not forget him, just like how Marvelous's still clinging on to..."
"Shhhh!" The other four shushed the engineer just before he could say the B-word.
"Alright, alright." Doc said. "So, here's all your roles. Marvelous, you're the leading man, Prince Daruma. Joe, you're the Chief Of Staff, and Luka is Insarn. Gai, you're that...Barion? Lilizorg? Anyhoo, you're him. And Ahim, you're Warz Gill."
Ahim was a bit taken aback. "Doctor, may I ask why I am Warz Gill? I'm a woman, you know."
"That's right, but you're the only royalty we have!" said the engineer.
"I suppose you're right!" exclaimed the Famillian, as Doc threw everyone their costumes.
LATER...
Ahim stepped out of the dressing room wearing an outfit similar to that of the Zangyack Crown Prince's, extravagant headdress and all. "Nobody understands me!" she pouted, in her best "spoiled brat" voice.
"Perfect!" Doc exclaimed.
The others soon followed suit. Gai looked a bit uncomfortable in his robot suit, but he had determination in his eyes. Next was Luka, in a skintight green-and-black jumpsuit with heavy pauldrons and a helmet modeled to look like a Kartan head. Joe was wearing a military-style robe which clearly had "effort" written all over it, and Marvelous's long red pirate coat was swapped for one that had a daruma face printed on the back. The Shezaran also had a rapier on his belt.
"Alright, let's make it showy!" Marvelous declared, and they all took to the streets to find a stage-adjacent place since they did not have the necessary material to build a pop-up tower. They soon found a nice pavilion, and Doc began the play.
Marvelous, as Prince Daruma, faced Luka as Insarn. "Who the heck are you?!" Luka demanded.
The red captain took a deep breath, unsheathed his rapier, then began speaking the ridiculous lines given to him with gusto. "The heavens call, the earth calls, the people call—they call on me to deliver divine retribution! Does the name The Crackpot Of Monte Cristo ring a bell?"
"I have no memory of it." the Novian said.
"Then I'll have to remind you!" Marvelous declared, then tied Luka up.
"What violence! I'll tell the prince!" said Luka, as she was all tied up.
"Listen here. When the Crackpot Of Monte Cristo was reading a smutty book at the invitation of the Bedchamber Investigation Team's Youth Division, someone filmed him and then screened it. How insulting! The proud Crackpot Of Monte Kristo went to argue directly with the photographers, and no one has heard from him ever since. The BIT coughed it up—that the contemptible photographer was none other than you, Development Technical Officer Insarn!" Marvelous said.
Luka snorted. "I don't know what I don't know."
"Well, then, how should I deal with this?" Marvelous contemplated for a bit, then pulled out a red marker. "What if I drew all over your face with this marker, took a close-up shot, and screened it at the Intergalactic Film Festival with the title Funny Face?"
"Ohhh, please, anything but that! Not my beautiful face!" Luka shrieked, really getting into the "Insarn" persona.
"Then you'd better give me the full story." Marvelous said, in a threatening tone. "Where is my beloved Crackpot Of Monte Cristo?"
"I'll tell you everything. The Crackpot Of Monte Cristo has his own opinions where films are concerned, and when he came to the Intergalactic Film Festival, he laughed off the film made by my coworkers and called it "a shame of a movie and a shame for the universe". With our pride crushed, it's only natural that I should hold a grudge. So I arranged with the BIT's Youth Division in advance to get revengeance by secretly taking compromising footage of him reading obscene material. The plan went off without a hitch, the true-to-life footage energized the crowd at the screening, and I'm sure I'll never forget how good it felt when he came at me, fists flying, veins pulsing on his forehead. But I don't know what happened to him after that. The ones who dragged the Crackpot Of Monte Cristo away when he attacked me were..."
"Tell me the schemer's name!" Marvelous yelled.
"I'll tell you, I won't leave anything out. The one behind it all is none other than the Crown Prince himself, Commander Warz Gill! Please forgive me..." Luka begged.
"No, I won't. You shall suffer the same indignity the Crackpot Of Monte Cristo suffered since you were more than willing to sell out your own boss. I'll draw all over your face and expose your shame to the whole entire universe." said Marvelous, brandishing his marker.
"Waaaah! Please, not that, not my beauty, not my sex appeal—!" Luka cried as Marvelous drew embarrassing drawings all over her helmet.
"Commander Warz Gill...I've burned that despicable name into my brain." Marvelous muttered as he finished drawing.
The pirates finished performing and looked over past the pavilion—a crowd was cheering and clapping at the wacky sight. Just then, a long-haired woman came over to them, seeming to recognize Gai. "Gai-kun!" she cried.
"Hina-chan!" exclaimed the silver pirate, still in his Barizorg costume. "What brings you here?"
"I've got good news and bad news." said the woman, identified as "Hina". "What do you want to hear first?"
"Good news, please." Gai said.
"After so long, Eiji-kun finally got Ankh back and they're getting married this Saturday!" Hina exclaimed. "And the bad news is...the band they've asked to perform for their wedding has its schedule full so it can't come, so we've all been thinking...maybe you and your pirate friends could help us out?"
"Um, Hina-chan, let me ask the captain first." said Gai as he eyed Marvelous.
"So, who's this "Eiji"? asked Marvelous, on the way home.
In a flash, Gai jumped into fanboy mode and began to explain all about Eiji Hino AKA Kamen Rider OOO, a different kind of hero he met and befriended shortly before the Gokaigers' arrival on Earth. He especially took more detail in explaining said Rider's tragic love story with the bird Greeed known as Ankh.
"I'm so glad that they got their happy ending, after all!" said Ahim, having remembered everything Hina said.
"The problem is, that we have to be a band." Doc said, and everyone shrugged.
Suddenly, a familiar black blur whizzed up to them. "Did someone say band?" it said.
"You AGAIN?!" Joe yelled.
"Laila-san!" Gai cried out in delight.
"I know just the person you need to mold you into the perfect band." said the half-Engine. "Here, follow me."
LATER...
Laila led the Gokaigers to a decent suburban house, big enough to house seven people. She pressed a button, and went through a special identification process to open the door. Once inside, they were greeted by a woman in a black-and-yellow jacket playing Pachelbel's Canon Extreme-No. 21 on a large piano. She noticed Laila, and got up to pull her into a hug. "Lai-chan!"
"Aunt Saki!" Laila exclaimed, hugging her back. She smelled of freshly-baked bread and sunshine, like always. As they broke the hug, the half-Engine asked "That new sponsor paying you pretty good, eh?"
"You betcha!" replied the former Go-On Yellow, Saki Rouyama.
Laila then introduced the Gokaigers. "Meet the space pirates! They're stars nowadays, and they need tutoring. Can you please help us to become a band?"
Saki smiled. "Of course! Leave it all up to me, the smiley of G3 Princess!"
The female privateer swallowed the lump in her throat, feeling a pang of guilt for a second. She didn't know how much long she could put up with this "still-on-the-good-side" act before she eventually gave in and confessed.
Soon, the Gokaigers were led into a sort of classroom by Saki and Laila. "Okay, now. How many of you have played musical instruments before?" asked Saki.
"Um, none?" said Marvelous.
"I do know how to play some..." Ahim said shyly.
"I know how to play the accordion, I used to play it all the time when I was a stand-up comedian!" said Gai.
"No worries!" Saki said cheerfully. "I've picked out just the right ones for you!" She then pointed towards a long table, holding an axe-guitar, a saxophone, a triangle, and an accordion. Next to the table were a set of drums, and an electric piano.
Ahim was the first to get up, and she pressed a few keys on the piano. "I think...this could be the one for me." she said.
Gai went for the obvious choice—the accordion. Doc picked the triangle since it looked like the easiest one for him to play. Luka tried out the drums, and "Wow! I think I'm gonna love these!" The only ones left were the sax, and the guitar.
"Hmm." Joe hummed as he stroked the surface of the sax. "This would fit."
Marvelous noticed the flame patterns on the guitar, and liked it immediately. "I choose this!"
"Alright, then, let's get to work!" Saki declared. For the next few days, she alternated between helping Ahim with the piano, or Luka with the drums, and Doc with the triangle. When she weren't doing these, she was either helping Joe with the sax, or Marvelous with the guitar. And they all did well, since with a teacher with such a warm and sunny attitude, who wouldn't?
"Your aunt rules!" Luka told Laila after practice was done one day.
More time passed, and the big day was only a day away. "How's that triangle solo going?" Saki asked.
"It's...moderate." said Doc, then began playing a nice tune with his triangle.
"Well done." Saki said, patting the mess of blonde hair then moved on to the next person. Ahim had already learned how to play Axel F with her piano.
Right next to them, Joe was playing a smooth tune with his sax, and Luka was going crazy on her drums. Gai and his accordion were just plain funny, and in the center of it all, Marvelous was rocking the heck out with his axe-guitar.
"Alright!" Saki said, then motioned Laila to come over.
"What is it, Aunt Saki?" Laila asked.
"I'd like it if you'd be the main vocal for the band. If it's OK with you..." said the former Go-On Yellow.
"It's OK." Laila replied and then joined the pirates.
Saki pulled a stick out of her pocket, and began conducting. "A-one and a-two and a skiddly diddly doo..."
The first song began with a guitar solo from Marvelous. Laila swallowed again, and began singing.
Here come old flat-top, he come groovin' slowly,
He got ju-ju eyeballs, he's one holy roller,
He got hair down to his knees,
Got to be a joker, he just do what he please,
He wear no shoeshine, he's got toe-jam football,
He got monkey finger, he shoot Coca-Cola,
He say, "I know you, you know me",
One thing I can tell you is you got to be free,
Come together, right now,
Over me.
He roller-coaster, he got early warning
He got muddy water, he one mojo filter
He say, "One and one and one is three"
Got to be good looking 'cause he's so hard to see,
Come together, right now,
Over me.
(bridge)
Come together, right now,
Come together, right now,
Come together, right now,
Over me.
And they spent the whole day practicing, practicing, and practicing until bedtime.
The Cous Coussier had been transformed into a palace. Everybody was here—Hina and her brother Shingo, Akira Date and Shintaro Goto, the two Births who had gotten married just some time ago, Erica Satonaka and her boss Kousei Kougami who turned up with a 10-tier wedding cake, and, of course, Chiyoko Shiraishi, the owner of the restaurant who had planned it all.
"Eiji-san, Ankh-san, congratulations on your wedding!" said Gai as he shook hands with both of the grooms, who were wearing beautiful kimonos and had flower crowns on their heads.
"Wow, thank you, Gai-kun, it's a lot coming from you!" Eiji said.
Ankh only asked, "So, did you work it out?"
"You betcha!" Gai said, winking. He then scurried back to his seat next to his crew and Laila as Chiyoko started the ceremony.
"Ladies and gentlemen and pirates, we are gathered here today because of these two characters," Chiyoko recited as she stood in front of Eiji and Ankh. "As a very close friend, may I also add, it's been a damn long time coming."
Everyone burst out laughing, while Akira cried "Anko! Hino! Take care!" with tears streaming out of his eyes, which resulted in Shintaro having to comfort him as the vague suspense pulled taut across the room by the dawning realization of this-is-really-happening was broken. The ceremony went off without a hitch, from Hina's best maid speech, to the succinct vows Eiji and Ankh had written, to the final declaration.
"I now pronounce you Rider and husband. You may now kiss the—"
Ankh beat Sayoko to the punch. Before she could get the words out, he pulled Eiji close and kissed him like there was no tomorrow.
"Alright, get it, you guys...Ew, that is disgusting," Laila looked away.
Then the time came for the band to perform. "Alright, everyone, I give you...the Pirate Geeks!" Hina declared as the Gokaigers brandished their instruments. Their rendition of Time Judged All was flawless, then it was time for Laila's solo.
"I can't believe I have to do this." said the half-Engine, took a deep breath, and got the first note out.
Kirameki no hana, yume no houseki,
Sekai wa utsukushii,
Okubyou to fuan, shibarareru kedo,
Tsuyoku yasashiku nareta nara...
Ano sora wa modoranai,
Hitoride wa ikirarenai,
Aitai, mou ichido,
Mune no oku furueteru,
Koko ni iru yo todoite,
Hanare banare no kimi e...
Me wo tojita, toki ni dake,
Aeru nante shinjinai,
Aitai...
Hanare banare no kimi e...
She took a short pause, seeming to give in to the soft background music, and then, began vocalizing.
La-la-la-la,
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la,
La-la-la-la,
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la,
La-la-la-la,
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la,
La-la-la-la,
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la,
La-la-la-la...
Soon enough, everyone joined in for the interlude.
La-la-la-la,
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la,
La-la-la-la,
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la,
La-la-la-la,
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la,
La-la-la-la,
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la...
As the music switched to a more upbeat tone, Laila found her voice again and began singing once more, this time a bit more enthusiastically.
Uta yo tobe,
Minna e to,
Kanashikute ureshii no! Ima,
Kono sekai wa zenbu atte,
Me wo fuseta, sora ni sae,
Hoshi wa hikari, hi ga nobori,
Saku hana ga aru no ne, kirei,
Uta!
Uta!
Uta!
Itsu made mo utau wa,
Utai tsugu!
Aishiteru!
Itsu made mo!
As the song ended, everyone began cheering, and clapping. "That was truly AMAZING, Pirate Geeks!" Kougami boomed. Eiji smiled at them, and turned around before throwing his bouquet over his shoulder. The bundle of red roses landed squarely in Marvelous's face, and then slipped off it into the captain's hands, which meant he would be the next to marry.
Red roses.
Red.
They made him remember.
~FLASHBACK~
Marvelous walked into a dark room, with only a few candles providing light. He sat at a round table with a food tray in front of him, and opened the lid to see a freshly prepared meal. Spread on top of a pile of white rice was some nicely cooked red orange colored meat, covered in a golden sauce with bits of green vegetables mixed in—a Shezaran delicacy he hadn't tasted since what felt like an eternity. He hesitantly picked up his fork and popped a piece of the bright meat into his mouth, to feel an explosion of taste.
He was so happy, tears began streaming down his cheeks. "Enjoying the meal, eh, Marvey-chan?" asked an all-too-familiar voice, then a slender hand placed itself on its shoulder. Marvelous yelped in surprise, then looked up to see his lover.
"Dammit, Basco, you scared me!" said the Shezaran.
"Sorry." said the kaijin, before adding "I take it ya like the meal, I made it just fer ya."
"Are you kidding me? I love it!" Marvelous cried. "Ever since I was taken from my home, all I wanted was to have a taste of this meal again...Thank you, Basco, so much."
"Yer welcome, Marvey-chan." Basco replied, kissing Marvelous's hair as the boy continued tucking into the lovely food.
~END FLASHBACK~
Marvelous suddenly felt out-of-place in all the festivities. He just buried his nose into the bouquet and inhaled the scent, as everyone partied for the remaining hours of the day.
The songs sung by Laila are the Gary Clark Jr. version of Come Together and A Million Miles Away from the Mamoru Hosoda movie Belle, respectively.
Oh, and if you haven't watched Kamen Rider OOO, go watch it now, it's such fun.