Title: One Thing
Rating: G
Disclaimer: CSI:NY, namely one Danny Messer, belongs to CBS and not to me.
A/N: Spoilers for "Run Silent, Run Deep".
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If there was one thing he couldn't do, it was to escape.
He always in what the future stood for when his past crumbled to nothing but ashes and dust. Even in the worst of times, when all there was to look forward to was the worst and nothing but it. Back when he was surrounded by nothing but guns and filth, Tanglewood Boys and cigarettes, he couldn't escape. Couldn't run until he was sure that he could get away and even then he was hanging on by fingertips.
If there was one thing he couldn't do, it was to lie.
One thing he had to keep was people's trust, something you learned on the hard streets of the city when nobody would look after you but yourself. Cheating was the worst crime you could do in the cold neighborhoods and black nights, where nobody would care about you but yourself; and who would care about you when you're dead? Especially when you're dead.
If there was one thing he couldn't do, it was to feel.
Standing there in the wall-less office with Mac, handing over nine bullets and a badge, it was the most depressing feeling that he could have. Once he turned around and saw the expressions on everyone's faces, he wasn't sure about that feeling. Myriads of emotions, dozens of people, he wasn't sure what was worse. Stella's concern, Flack's sympathy, Hawkes' understanding, or Lindsay's confusion. Mac's disappointment.
If there was one thing he couldn't do, it was to understand.
Louie, lying there on a hard hospital bed with nothing but the best, looking nothing but the worst. Hero, in his eyes, even if his brother had unknowingly set him up with one of the very things that he was trying to escape. Blood and bruises meant nothing in a world where you can't feel it because you're not there, you're somewhere else that means everything in a world to the very person who's waiting for you to feel it. Just to know you're alive, that you can do these things.
If there was one thing he could do, it was to cry.