Wow, it's been forever. Hopefully this will live up to your standards - enjoy!
Okay, finally, here it is: The Swimsuit Round! I don't own anything...naddathing!
-The Author
Galadriel: Welcome back to the Mr. Middle Earth Beauty Pageant! And now, I'm sure the ladies are all quivering with excitement for the Swimsuit Round!
The Men: all come out dressed in swim trunks
Galadriel: With Aragorn in a very nice set of pants, what's that? Is that…an Evenstar on his…um…never mind.
Arwen: Heehee. He's mine.
Eowyn: Is not!
Rosie: You can really tell he's a King now, can't you?
Lothiriel: I'm not looking.
Galadriel: Next is Frodo Baggins in his…very…nice cotton drawers….
Frodo: Look, I know I'm a bit shabbier than I used to be. If someone had told me there was going to be a swimsuit competition...
Lothiriel: Still not looking.
Galadriel: Thank you, Frodo, for that nice...round...image. Now for Meriadoc Brandybuck in what looks to be a swimsuit that's actually be used for swimming!
Merry: Brandybucks swim, you know.
Lothiriel: I don't even want to know.
Galadriel: Good show, Merry! Now for Faramir in his grey trunks. Oh my…
Eowyn: Wow, look at all those scars. He's been in a lot of battles. It's like a map or something. Leading right down to his...
Galadriel: Now for Samwise Gamgee.
Rosie: They called him fat. Fat! Hah! That's not fat! He's just big...boned!
Galadriel: Legolas Greenleaf, in his…green leaf.
Crowd: goes wild
Lothiriel: I can't look! I'm not looking!
Galadriel: I'm sorry to say that Legolas has been disqualified for not wearing a swimsuit. However, Legolas will be available for autographs and pictures after the show. Moving on, Eomer of Rohan, looking really well-built. Wowza.
Eomer: It's all that fighting to protect my home and family.
Lothiriel: melts
Galadriel: And now Peregrin Took wearing - nothing at all.
Merry: laughs
Pippin: Merry! Merry, you told me this was alright!
Merry: The big one! The big one!
Galadriel: Off the stage! You're disqualified!
Pippin: You're coming, too, aren't you, Merry?
Galadriel: So that's two disqualified. Which will the judges choose to eliminate legally: Aragorn, Frodo, Merry, Faramir, Sam, or Eomer?
Judges: discuss
Rosie: The judges have decided that Frodo is to be eliminated.
Galadriel: Alright, Frodo, you're outta here.
Frodo: I can't go on…?
Galadriel: No, you can't. Alright, ladies, five men still remain. Which one will receive the Crown of Andor? You will decide, after the DIRECT QUESTION ROUND.