Disclaimer: yes, we all know by now. I own nothing but me and the circumstances.

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Day 21: Oh, ERU! Can Lisa SHUT UP? NO, WE'RE NOT THERE YET! STOP ASKING!

Day 22: STILL NOT THERE YET! It's gonna take us about 2 weeks to get to the Shire, so we have plenty of time to get there before the wedding. The wedding is going to be in four weeks and three days. If the bride is still alive. Lisa sawing through nerves at unimaginably fast pace.

Day 23: SHUT UP ALREADY! Or if the groom's there. We might just carry him off….I'll have to ask the rest of the fangirls…

Day 24: ah, blessed silence.

Day 24 ½: Spoke too soon. Melime is lagging behind and shouting her displeasure at leaving Mirkwood. She will one day learn to love hobbits as well as elves. Fangirls have to be flexible, ya know! It's not as easy as you might think. You have to take what you can get. She will have to learn that hobbits are just as good as elves. Better, sometimes, because it takes less fangirls to pin them down. Until she learns the error of her ways, she is being bound and gagged and carried to the Shire. Like Lisa-Jane.

Day 25: lalalalala pure boredom. Sick of running. Sick of other fangirls, especially Lisa, who somehow got her gag off, screeching about how it's taking so long. WE ARE NOT THERE YET! IF YOU ALL DON'T SHUT UP, I'LL TURN THIS PACK AROUND RIGHT NOW, SO HELP ME!

Day 26: Got to Shire much more quickly than expected--V. nice guy on Mumakil offered to give us a lift. Discovered good news and bad news. Good news is Pippin's marriage just silly rumor. Bad news is Pippin went off with two gorgeous relatives of his and some fat-arsed hobbit named Sam. Good thing Sam is Pippin's cousin's servant--looks like he'd kill us if we tried anything.

Day 27: Off to Bree! Girls are confused as to why they named town after cheese and misspelled name…stupid mortals. Hobbits know something is following them and Frodo (one guarded by super-possessive fat hobbit) keeps moaning on about these "black rider" things. Hope so-called "black riders" are good-looking.

Day 28: YAY! Overheard Frodo telling anonymous background hobbit who bears passing resemblance to Pippin that the hobbits were headed to Rivendell! Yay! Elves again! Some fangirls V. disappointed but were cheered up by me. Promised them they could take Bree hobbits along as souvenirs. May have to get one myself…

Yes, I know this chapter kind of sucked too. I promise it will get better next time, I just need to get us to Rivendell...