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Notes/Disclaimer: SPOILERS FOR THE END OF KHII. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED, DON'T READ. That said; this is sort of unintentionally a direct sequal to "Dreams in the Void." You can read one without reading the other, but it's funny how closely they seem to relate. Maybe it's just because I tend to always write Riku the same way.
At any rate, this takes place in the ending sequence from the game, as those of you who've seen it will soon realize. I don't own Kingdom Hearts, but I do worship SquareEnix like the gods they are for creating it. Holy crap. Every time I hear "Sanctuary," I practically cry because the ending is just so freaking amazing.
So, other notes: Song fic. (To "Sanctuary," obviously.) The lyrics in there that you don't recognize are the ones that are reversed. Man, when I found out what they were, I was like: oO. I mean, the song was already ridiculously slashy-Riku-centric, but those new lines just add a whole 'nother DIMENSION to the slash. Geeze. Also, if you haven't guessed, SLASH. Only mild, nothing to get your knickers in a twist over, but it's still there, so you're warned.
Right. Now that I've ranted enough: On with the fic!
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I need more affection than you know
In you and I
There's a new land
Riku allowed Sora to haul him to his feet, conscious of the way the other's boy's muscles shifted as he hefted his weight. Perhaps he should have been embarrassed that he had to be carried, but somehow he wasn't. It felt... nice, to finally be able to drop all the pretense and allow Sora to care for him. For once he didn't need the bravado, didn't need to pretend that he had everything under control. For once, there was someone next to him who wouldn't let him fall.
This world is perfect for me. If this is what the world really is? Just this? Then maybe I should fade back into darkness.
If this was what the world of darkness was, this beautiful, serene beach? If all that was left was himself, Sora, and the beach, then he could be happy. There was nothing more he would ask, than to spend an eternity in this quiet dusk, listening to the waves lap at the shore. His heart felt suffused with something that teetered on the cusp of a deep sadness and a profound, blinding joy.
Angels in flight
I need more affection than you know
It seemed too good to be true.
My sanctuary
My sanctuary, yeah.
Where fears and lies
Melt away
They sat at the water's edge, the tide soaking the cuffs of their pants, and just listened. Riku felt, for the first time in a very long time, longer than he could remember, that he was at peace. Had he ever truly been at peace? Even on the island, he had always been restless. And now, finally, he could stop, let go, rest.
Music will tie
I need more affection than you know
What's left of me?
What's left of me now?
Perhaps some part of him had been lost. He felt weak, as though some inner vitality had been sucked out from within him. Or maybe it was just that he suddenly didn't feel the need to fight. Maybe it was that, for once in his life, he didn't need to struggle. All his life he had struggled to be like Sora.
The truth is, I was jealous of you. I wanted to live my life the way you did, just following my heart.
All his life he had struggled, with jealousy first and then with passion. He had run from it, fought with it, struggled every step of the way, but now... now. He glanced beside him to the boy with tousled hair, the one who had buried himself deep into Riku's heart without knowledge or permission. The boy was smiling faintly, soothed by the cool breeze blowing in from the water.
Riku's heart swelled in a way it often had before, but, for the first time, it did not frighten him, and he did not try to fight it.
I watch you fast asleep
All I fear means nothing
What seemed so unreal, so other-worldly perfect, was the way Sora seemed content simply to sit there by his side, as though this world was all he needed. As though this dark beach, and Riku, were all he could ever want. It was like a dream. Like a beautiful, fragile dream. Riku closed his eyes, wishing that it would never end.
In you and I
There's a new land
Angels in flight
I need more affection than you know
My sanctuary
My sanctuary, yeah
Another compulsion he had felt before seemed to have evaporated. For a long time now, he had nursed thoughts of a confession. Even when he had been swallowed by darkness, even when he had been so ashamed and unsure, determined never to let Sora see the state into which he had fallen, even then there was still the desire to tell him, to meet his eyes and pour out a desperate confession. He wanted to let the words spill from his mouth, drip awkwardly to the ground because even when he was rejected, even then, at least Sora would know.
But now, suddenly, it was so unnecessary. Because he knew, could feel in every particle of his being, that he had Sora's affections. It might not be enough, might not be exactly how he wanted it, but it was there, and it suffused him with warmth. It was as though each particle of his skin glowed with a hidden radiance, an inner joy that was so soft, so poignant, that it nearly reduced him to tears.
Where fears and lies
Melt away
Music will tie
I need more affection than you know
What's left of me?
What's left of me?
For a while, the darkness had been so thick inside him. It had been necessary, he had known it was necessary, but it had made him feel sick and dirty to think that Sora would never again be able to look at him without knowing that he had given in. He had immersed himself, let the darkness swallow him whole, and it had tainted him, poured into every crevice.
But it had not taken him over. Not completely.
So many ups and downs
My heart's a battleground
I need true emotion
There was a place deep inside, a shrine in his heart with Sora's face, where a light burned strongly, like fire. The darkness could never touch it. While his body churned with the sickness, as he felt the slippery invasiveness of the darkness consuming him, he held tightly to the thought of Sora. Never, not for a moment, did he allow his love to falter. And because the darkness could not take his heart, he remained in control. While his body changed to a form he feared and hated, the thought of Sora, of bringing him back, kept him sane.
But,
I need more affection than you know
I need true emotion
There had always been a thought that maybe, one day, Sora might love him in return.
You show me how to see
that nothing is whole and
nothing is broken
And the love was not there, not... quite. But what remained was more than Riku had ever hoped for. There was room in Sora's heart for Riku. And now he knew that, should the day every come when he could take it no more and had to confess, that place in Sora's heart would still be open to him. He understood now that Sora's heart was always open to love, in any form that it might come to him. And that gave him hope. It healed a terrible scar inside him that he had thought would never mend. He felt complete, as a part of Sora. Sora would never push him out.
And if it was to be only the two of them, for eternity? If they were to be the darkness? Then so much the better. They had no need for the light, not with each other. With Sora's solid presence beside him, and the sound of the waves, there was nothing more that he could ever want.
In you and I
There's a new land
Angels in flight
I need more affection than you know
My sanctuary
My sanctuary, yeah
Where fears and lies
Melt away
This place was a sanctuary, and island of peace amid a stormy life that had nearly torn his heart and soul to pieces. If he could have imagined a heaven, perhaps it would have looked like this. Early in his life he had dreamed of adventure. More recently, he had wanted desperately to return home, to see the familiar palm trees and feel the warm salt breeze on his face.
But always, always, there had been Sora. And now that he had time to reflect, he could understand that that was all he had ever needed all along. Just this.
Just this.
Music will tie
I need more affection than you know
What's left of me?
What's left of me now?
He felt as though he'd shed his skin, sloughed off all the fears and doubts, the insecurity and the hiding, and come through a transformation. He was a new person, a healed, full being, cleansed by the light, bound by love, and stronger inside than he had ever been in his life. He felt newly-forged. His physical strength had been a small price to pay. And in time even that would, perhaps, recover.
And even if Sora never truly understood, he knew. And that was some comfort. Riku could feel that Sora knew his heart. Perhaps he had always known, instinctively. Or perhaps he too was wiser than he had been.
If this was eternity, or if it was simply a momentary rest before the world continued its hectic parade around them, Riku was content. Either way, it was enough.
He could face the future now with no fear.
My fears
My lies
Melt away...
I...
I need more affection than you know
- END -