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Chapter 19: Damage Unpretty
I apologize for the vast amounts of subplots present in this chapter. Thanks to all you wonderful reviewers.
I would like to note that this is (I think) the first fic of mine that includes Sasuke and Itachi in a non-incestful-implicated-at-all way. I can't help it; I like uchihacest. But I decided it wouldn't work well in this one. (Shameless plug: if you do like uchihacest, or just Itachi and Sasuke in general, check out my C2 list!)
Disclaimer: No profit for me.
A haze of morning light drifted in through the window. Water dripped from the eavestroughes outside in uneven rhythms onto the light layer of snow covering the ground below, already starting to melt away. The sun was hovering above the horizon with scattered colour-stained clouds lazily blanketing it, though some rays still managed to escape and flood through the pane of glass to warm the bedroom, though coldness still clung to the toes of those inhabiting the room.
Neji stared at the redhead curled up beside him with heavy-lidded eyes, his fingers playing mindlessly with Gaara's hair. Though his sleep had been long and deep, his body still begged to stay in bed, if only for a few more minutes. Thoughts of school had fled his mind completely and he was quite content right there, his eyes tracing the contours of Gaara's face and wishing he had his camera, or a pencil and paper to sketch with. He almost considered getting up to grab the pen sitting on the dresser and a piece of scrap paper lying on the floor, but he did not want to risk waking Gaara.
His mind wandered aimlessly, quietly commenting how similar their current predicament was to that of lovers in movies and such. A blush darted over his cheeks soon after as he dismissed the thought. It wasn't like what his mind implicated; clothing still separated their bodies, and the reason they were curled so close was that Gaara had needed comforting that Neji wanted to give. Still, this was the second time he had woken up pressed close to Gaara in a bed, and admittedly, he liked the experience quite a bit.
He looked up abruptly as the door creaked open, scuttling over so his body and Gaara's weren't so close.
"Oh good, you're awake." A muss-haired Kankurou walked into the room, still clad in his pajamas. "I was hoping I didn't have to wake you up… that'd be awkward, to say the least."
He sat down on his messy bed, stretching his out arms.
"Where did you sleep?" Neji asked, eyebrows furrowed.
"Couch," Kankurou answered groggily. "What, did you think I was actually gonna be able to get to sleep here, with you two sleeping together just meters away?"
Another blush darted over Neji's cheeks, and he found himself momentarily lacking words.
"In any case," Kankurou continued, "it's about 7:00 now; I think you have enough time to get to your house and not be late for school if you leave soon. No, don't wake Gaara, I'm letting him stay home today. I'll stay with him, since he probably won't be feeling all that good. Anyways, it gives me an excuse to miss class."
Neji gave a curt nod, shifting slowly as to sit up without disturbing the slumbering redhead. He pulled at the dark-colored T-shirt Kankurou had lent him, now twisted around his mid-section from sleep, and grimaced t the thought of how messy he must look.
"Hey," Kankurou slumped back against the wall, eyes flickering over at Neji. "You… care about my brother?"
"Yes."
"I don't doubt that, after seeing the look on your face last night…" Kankurou said. "However…"
Neji winced.
Kankurou pressed his lips against each other, seeming thoughtful but more than slightly angry. "You've bought from those three before, I believe."
A nod, reluctant and regretful.
"Heroin, Gaara said?"
Another nod, weaker than the last.
"That's heavy shit. Expensive, heavy shit."
"A bad choice on my part," murmured Neji.
"All I'm saying is you better clean up your act, Hyuuga," Kankurou explained, "else I don't want you around my brother."
"I don't blame you," said the brunette, in an almost amused sort of voice, the kind one gets when reality becomes a bit too much and everything just starts to seem surreal and unnervingly funny. "I should be grateful you even let me stay here with him…"
Kankurou snorted. "I doubt you would've left if I tried to make you. Besides, the pipsqueak seems to care about you right back, and I like seeing him cheerful. It's a nice change."
Gaara stirred a little, his hands closed into fists and drawing into his chest. A low, sonant whimper escaped through his lips, dying quickly into a heavy exhalation. His eyes remained closed, though, even as Neji bent down to inspect his condition, sweeping his hand lovingly along the side of Gaara's face.
"Like I said before," Kankurou told him, "don't you dare break his heart. I still find it kinda weird, you know… he's always been my little brother, but now I'm not the only one he's got protecting him."
Neji nodded, half-smiling. "Things have… happened to Gaara, haven't they?"
"What do you mean by that?"
"I'm not sure, but… not good things." Neji's hand hovered above Gaara's lips, able to feel the younger boy's breath upon his fingertips. "You know what I'm trying to say, don't you?"
Kankurou eyed Neji for a short time before swinging his legs from his bed to the floor and staggering to his feet. "If Gaara wants to tell you, he will. I don't think I have right to disclose it without his permission."
"I understand." Neji withdrew his hand from the vicinity of Gaara's face. "I was planning on asking him about that this Saturday. Tomorrow. He was going to come over, but I guess that's not going to happen."
Kankurou shrugged. "I'll ask the pipsqueak when he wakes up, but I doubt it, yeah." Stifling a yawn with his hand, Kankurou headed for the door. "Your clothes are hanging in the shower, they should be dry be now. I suggest getting them before Temari gets in there; she takes forever."
For a while or so after Kankurou had left, Neji remained sitting on the bed, hands in his lap. His eyes felt less heavy and his body less stiff, but his mind was stuck on Gaara. The scrapes on the sleeping teen's body seemed not to be infected, small, rough scabs forming over the open scratches. It was inexplicable, how much he cared for the boy… Neji wasn't one to care like that. Usually he would ignore when he saw another's pain, dismissing it as a problem he had no business solving, but something about Gaara had intrigued him for a while before they met, and he was glad it had in the same way he was not. When he looked at things through certain lights and angles, he found his presence was making the problem worse as much as it was getting better. He smirked, tasting bittersweet; he was beginning to sound like Gaara, only not quite as self-critical.
Photography had always been his favourite escape. Looking through a camera was like separating yourself from the world and looking at it from the outside. It seemed surreal.
With a swift rustle of fabric, Neji leaned down and kissed Gaara's forehead, his fingers swooping down Gaara's exposed neck. The redhead's breath was warm on his collarbones, a soft escaping of air.
The carpet muffled his footsteps as he made his way from the room to the hall, water dripping in largo onto the windowsill outside.
Gaara did not stir.
o
A car door slammed and an irate Uchiha Sasuke stalked out onto the curb in front of the school, his right fist balled into a taut fist, fingers clenched so tight the tendons could be seen rising up on the crème underside of his arm.
"Bye, Sasuke!" came a shout from the slightly beat-up red car's driver seat. Itachi frowned as his brother failed to return any sentiments.
"BYE SASUKE-KUN!" Kisame shouted even louder, leaning around Itachi to wave enthusiastically out the window at the younger Uchiha. He laughed as Sasuke flipped them off and disappeared behind a crowd of kids who looked as if they had stepped out of a hip-hop video.
Kisame laughed again, leaning back into the passenger seat as Itachi began to drive off. "Your little brother never ceases amuse me. It's like I keep telling him; he's just like you."
Itachi frowned. "Maybe I shouldn't have insisted on giving him a ride…"
"Come on, Itachi-san, I was the one that pushed him into the car."
Itachi sighed, turning on the radio.
o
Meanwhile, Sasuke was anything but amused as he looked around the schoolyard for a secluded area. He never was a people person to begin with, and as he was currently in a bad mood, he wanted to stay as far away from intelligent (and non-intelligent, for that matter) life as possible. That morning had been - and he was thoroughly convinced this was not a hyperbole - pure and total Hell. In his opinion, anyways. It was bad enough living with Itachi, and having Kisame drop in uninvited whenever he felt inclined to do so, but this morning was particularly bad. It seemed as if everything that could have gone wrong went wrong. He wasn't even allowed the luxury of dying in a car crash before it could get any worse.
This sounds just like that song… he thought to himself. What was it? Oh, right. Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit.
Out of the corner of his eye, Sasuke caught sight of the usual group and turned away, praying no one had spotted his him. But sure enough, he could hear rapid footsteps coming up behind him.
"Sasuke-teme!"
He winced, the voice ricocheting off the insides of his already aching head. Curses slipping through his lips ever so quietly, he turned, tongue pressing angrily against his teeth to keep from just cracking and screaming at everyone and everything that he could find reason to hate.
"Hey! Sasuke-teme!" Naruto grinned at him, smiling as if nothing was wrong (and to him, nothing was).
Sasuke placed two fingers on his temple, trying to will everything away. Unfortunately, it did not work.
"Morning, Naruto…"
"Hey, um… can I borrow your Science notes?" Naruto asked, sounding a bit sheepish. "I completely forgot we have a test today, and no one will let me borrow theirs… I know it sounds stupid but…"
"Yeah. Whatever."
"Really?" Naruto's eyes lit up as if they were Christmas lights someone had just plugged in; he hadn't expected such a thing of Sasuke. "Are you sure, because-"
"I said yes, now shut the Hell up!"
Sasuke's coal black eyes were fierce as he glared out at Naruto from beneath his bangs, which had fallen messily forward into his eyes. Naruto looked taken aback for a moment before taking a step forward towards the disgruntled Uchiha, one arm outstretched in a manner that seemed cautious, yet almost beckoning.
"Geez, Sasuke-teme, what happened to you?" he asked, but the edge on his voice wasn't taunting or aggressive.
"Nothing," Sasuke muttered through his teeth.
"Liar, liar, pants on fire."
His eyes snapped a little wider, and the rest of the rhyme caught in the back of Naruto's throat, sound evaporating, sucked completely out of him. He would admit to himself, he enjoyed pissing Sasuke off as much as he enjoyed kissing him or touching him, but he tried not to go too far with it most of the time. However, sometimes they both ended up pushing a little too hard on each other…
Sasuke drew in a tense breath. He felt a wetness rising up in his eyes and blinked it away, unsure why it was there in the first place. For silent while he was still, his head thud-thudding along with his heart and the muscles of his upper arms drawn tight. Lips pressed into a thin line, he refused to meet Naruto's eye. He was just getting worked up over nothing, he told himself, but that was no help in calming him down any or making him feel any less sick. He was not supposed to feel that way. He was not supposed to be like that. He inhaled once more, chest expanding as his lungs filled deeply with oxygen.
"He-hey. What's wrong?" Naruto asked, peering at him.
"I said nothing."
"Why are you like that?"
Sasuke glanced up at him, eyes looking weary and their ardency fading.
Why am I like that?
The corners of his lips twitched a little, the urge to laugh/smile/cry came over him. Somehow, the entire thing seemed funny, far funnier than it should have been which was not very funny at all. He had a feeling Naruto was saying something, but he couldn't quite hear, didn't want to hear. Ignoring the frustrated, aggressive look on the blonde's face, he lowered his hand from his throbbing temple and pivoted so that his back was to Naruto, not wanting to face him in such a state. If not for the many pairs of eyes watching them, he might have kissed Naruto, hard-fast-fierce, wishing his frustrations all away. Sometimes, though he hated so much to admit it, things became a little too much. The slightest thing would set him off, like the striking of a match in a house doused in gasoline.
The snow mixed dirty with gravel crunched beneath Naruto's feet.
"Don't," Sasuke warned, shoving his hands deep into his pockets and beginning to walk off, heading towards the school gate.
"Hey! Where do you think you're going?" Naruto yelled, grabbing Sasuke by the arm.
The Uchiha jerked away, still not daring to look at Naruto directly. "I need to take the day off."
"What? Where?"
"Naruto."
The words came strained, unlike himself, and both looked a little damaged by it. The blonde did not follow Sasuke as he turned, chains clinking against his right thigh as they swung to the rhythm of his walk, as he disappeared out the gate. He did not chase after Sasuke, as much as he wanted to, or even yell at him to 'Stop being such a stupid pussy!' because the words don't seem worth it and he doubted they would come out right anyways.
o
"Where's Kankurou?"
Temari heard her soda clunk heavily as it fell to the bottom of the vending machine and bent down to reach in and get it, grimacing as her hand hit the dirty bottom.
"He stayed home," she said to Ukon, who was trying to balance both her books and his own in his arms, trying desperately not to let them fall.
"Why?"
She snorted. "Well, aren't you nosy today."
"I'm just curious."
"Curiosity killed the cast."
"That's not funny, you know? Sakon and I had a cat named Marmalade when we were kids. It was chasing something, probably a bug, and ended up getting hit by a car and DYING."
Temari raised an eyebrow, dusting off her jeans and grabbing her books back from him. "Did you really?"
Ukon nodded gravely, crossing his arms. "So why did Kankurou stay home? Did something happen last night?"
"Not to him, no," Temari answered, glancing back at him.
"Then what?" Ukon asked pleadingly. "Come on! I mean, I know that guy who knew Gaara got in a fight over Zaku and them over a deal or something, but my knowledge ends there! Come on, Tema-chan."
"It really isn't any of your business!" she snapped. "Lay off it! Why are you following me anyways?"
Looking a little offended, Ukon responded quietly, "We have the same class, remember?"
"Oh, and you're actually bothering to show up for once?"
When Ukon didn't respond, Temari sighed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."
"Tsalright…"
They were among the last to file into the classroom, taking their usual (or Temari's usual) seats at the back. Preps in the middle, nerds in front. One of the girls Temari used to spend time with gave her a sad little expression, and Temari stuck her tongue out back.
Ukon muffled a laugh behind his hand. "Hey, didn't you used to hang out with those fake little things?" At Temari's stiff nod he asked why, hoping he was not overstepping any more boundaries.
She smirked. "I think I wanted to be normal."
Ukon snorted playfully. "Now, why on earth would anyone want that?"
o
"This feels so wrong!" Sakura said abruptly, interrupting Ino's latest anecdote on something amusing that had happened recently in her parent's flower shop, which only Hinata seemed to be genuinely enjoying. There were some of the few students that had chosen to stay in the art room over the lunch hour to finish their paintings before they were due on Monday.
Ino eyed her oddly. "What are you talking about?"
"Well, Sasuke-kun and Gaara aren't here, and I'm not used to TenTen-chan being gone yet, and it just feels…" Sakura made a face. "Just weird. Does either of you feel that at all?"
"I think you're imagining things," Ino commented, swirling her paintbrush around the ice cream container filled with water, a shock of cotton candy pink water dribbling down the side.
"Really!" Sakura insisted, turning to the meek black-haired girl working meticulously on her butterfly painting. "What do you think, Hinata-chan?"
After adding small circles of a primary orange to the outside of the butterfly's wings, Hinata set down her brush. "I-I'm not sure."
"See? You are going crazy."
"Shut up, Ino-pig."
"No, I…" Hinata glanced around the room, lowering her already quiet voice to a breathy whisper. "Well, Neji-niisan was at Gaara-san's last night… s-something happened."
Sakura gave Ino a look before leaning forward as to better hear Hinata. "Oh? Come on, don't stop there."
"A fight, I-I think," Hinata murmured, looking rather uncomfortable. "I d-don't think it was him and Gaara-san though… I think Gaara-san was hurt."
"Didn't you ask?" Sakura asked, remembering after a second this was Neji they were talking about; asking him such a thing would be a rather violent form of suicide, if he even bothered to acknowledge your existence.
Ino's eyebrows were furrowed. "But what if it was a fight between them?"
"Geez, you make it sound like they're like, together."
"I-I don't think G-Gaara-san would be away from s-school because of that."
"Hinata-chan's right, I mean-"
She was cut off by the screech of metal scraping hard against floor tile. All three girls jerked their hands to their heads to try to protect their ears from the sound, though it had already passed. Hinata looked up in time to see Neji exit the room, filled with nauseous realization that he had been at the back of room the entire time, hidden behind two other students. The headphones on his ears had been a ruse, and he had heard every single word. Sakura and Ino exchanged looks before turning back to their artwork in a hush.
At the back of the room there still sat a pail of sullied water with a paintbrush leaning against the side, tip down. His near finished painting was propped up against a desk, the paint glistening where it was still wet.
o
Kimimaro was missing again at lunch. No one mentioned anything. The lunch table was quiet in an odd way. Kin, Zaku and Dosu somehow managed to start up a half-hearted argument, and Temari and Ukon chatted uncomfortably with Jiroubou and Kidoumaru (Sakon remained hushed, save a few snarky comments), but everyone, even those who were not directly involved, knew something was wrong in more ways than one. There was an undeniable tension between Temari and the trio, even though Kin had apologized to Temari earlier that morning on behalf of the other two and herself.
Tayuya, who had been quiet at times during the meal, then suddenly loud and vivacious for others, sat up suddenly, her fingers fidgeting with the tie of her blue bandana.
"Hey," she said, voice anxious and shaky, though she tried to cover it up. The comment was directed at Temari, but everyone was listening. "Has Kimimaro been acting… I dunno, I'm sure this fucking stupid but what the Hell! Has he seemed a little different to you? I mean, he never was that normal or shit, but recently it's just been bothering me! Is it just me being fucking crazy again or has anyone else noticed or what?"
Temari placed a hand on Tayuya's shoulder. "Calm down; you're rambling. Now, what do you mean by different?"
"Oh, I don't fucking know!"
"Language please, Ta-"
"Don't you fucking 'language' me right now, Jiroubou!" Tayuya shrieked, her hands abandoning the knot that held her bandana over her long, orange-red hair and slamming them down on the tabletop. "I think there's something wrong with him! He looks fucking sick! He acts different too, and it can't be just me! It's not just me, damn it, it's not!"
Shying away from Temari's touch as if it were poison, Tayuya shrank into her seat, glaring lucidly at her lap. She remained stagnant and mute for a while, able to hear Temari murmuring to her, though she said nothing in response.
Ukon stood, glancing angrily down at Sakon, who pretended his was suddenly very interested in his daily bottle of Coca Cola.
"Well, I hope you're happy," the elder twin hissed to him before walking over to the other side of the table and putting an arm on Tayuya's shoulder, trying his best to comfort the distraught girl.
o
Three shorts raps sounded on the front door. A muffled crash could be heard from inside the one-storey home, accompanied by a loud curse and hurried footsteps down the hall. The door swung open and a disgruntled Kankurou peered down at the boy on the front steps.
"Oh, it's you."
"Um, hi."
Kankurou stepped aside to allow Neji entrance. "I figured you'd come by. Pipsqueak's in the bedroom."
"How is he?"
The brown hair boy paused to think a moment before answering. "Well, he's quiet, but he seems alright. See for yourself. Just… be careful. He's kinda spooked still. I meant to tell you this morning, but forgot. He's done that before… gone all scary like that. Temari and I decided it would be best to tell Mariko; wouldn't want him to get hurt because of it. He doesn't know yet, but he's going to be seeing a head doctor. A good one too, that knows what they're talking about."
The Hyuuga nodded.
Hesitantly, Neji entered the bedroom that was quickly becoming familiar to him, his eyes quickly finding the petit redhead that lay on his bed, facing the wall. His scarlet hair appeared uncombed and slightly damp, hanging in messy clumps about his scalp. Neji couldn't help but feel as if he were visiting someone in a hospital, and the thought made him feel slightly uneasy.
"Hey," he said softly, nearing Gaara.
The penitent Gaara rolled over lazily onto his back, jerking quickly to a sitting position as he realized it was Neji who had come into the room. The obsidian eyeliner that circled his eyes was smudgy and stuck to his eyelashes, as quite a bit had washed away in his quick shower, leaving the dark bags under his eyes slightly visible. He parted his lips slightly but did not speak as he watched Neji sit down beside him, dropping his bag on the floor at their feet. The Hyuuga leaned forward, gently slipping his hand under Gaara's disheveled bangs.
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm… I'm good," Gaara responded meekly, his voice a hoarse whisper.
Neji smiled, running his hand back through Gaara's hair. "I won't be mad if you're not."
Gaara stiffened. "It's not… I… I'm just a little…not that good," he murmured, putting up no protest as Neji's hand continued over his ear and down onto his neck.
"You've been eating then? Sleep enough? I'm sorry, I don't mean to be so pesky, but…"
"It's not pesky," Gaara told him. "I'm just not used to someone worrying about me like this…"
"I see," said Neji, pulling Gaara a little closer to him. He guided Gaara's head to his shoulder, sliding his arm down to the redhead's more than slim waist. A slight tremor ran through Gaara, though he did his best to hide it and Neji decided to pretend not to notice, feeling Gaara slowly let his body relax against his.
"Could you…"
"Yes?"
"Talk about something?" Gaara asked faintly. "Please?"
"Alright," Neji said. "What do you want me to talk about?"
"Anything," Gaara answered. "Please."
Neji nodded, reassuring his grip on the thin boy, his thumb beginning to run slow laps on Gaara's hipbone. He had never been one for words, but did his best to conjure them to his throat in an endeavor to coax Gaara back to his normal self. Gaara adjusted his position so it was a bit more comfortable, exhaling gradually against Neji's chest. Resting his head against the larger teen's shoulder, Gaara let himself slip into the cadence of Neji's voice and ignore the vivid distantness of everything around him that taunted him and made it feel as if he was only half-there.
o
Itachi raised the teacup to his lips, sipping the steaming beverage. The apartment was quiet save the random clang of utensils against plates and the music blaring from Sasuke's earphones, audible from a metre or two away.
The elder brother flickered his eyes over at his younger. "Sasuke, no earphones at the table please."
"Since when do you care?" Sasuke muttered, removing one so it dangled down on his chest, the other still going full-force.
"Sasuke."
The teen glared. "What?"
Itachi sighed. "If this is about this morning, then…"
"Then what?"
"Then I apologize," he said forcefully, putting his delicate cup down on the table. "for my, and Kisame's, behaviour this morning. I admit I should have known better than to aggravate you as such. However, that gives no excuse for some of your actions, which was simply unreasonable."
Sasuke gave no response but a near satisfied smirk poking at his leftover rice with his fork.
"The school called me, Sasuke," Itachi continued apathetically. "I know you skipped today."
The smirk promptly vanished from Sasuke's face.
"What are you trying to do? Take over for Mom and Dad?" said Sasuke accusingly, ripping his other earphone from his ear.
"I never said-"
"And of course you would think nothing of it. No, they loved you! Couldn't get enough of you!"
"Sasuke!"
"Fuck you!" Sasuke yelled, standing up so abruptly the chair he had been sitting in teetered back on its legs for a moment before the front two clacked back down. "You don't get it at all! You're such a fucking selfish bastard, do you know that?"
Itachi did not move from his chair, glaring passively up at his brother. "You're being irrational."
"Shut up!" shouted Sasuke, his rage out of control. "Yeah, I skipped school! So what? So I won't be a straight-A student like you, is that it? Doesn't fucking matter, because I'm not you! Why can't anyone get that? I don't want to be like you anymore! I will never fucking be you!"
"Sasuke, I-"
Itachi winced as he heard Sasuke's cup smash into the wall behind his head, hot liquid dripping down onto the floor where the jagged pieces were scattered. Sasuke quickly retreated to his room, a muffled scream coming through the wall.
o
"I should get going," said Neji, glancing at the clock. "My uncle wanted me home before dinner."
"A-Alright," Gaara murmured, shifting as to take his weight off of Neji.
The Hyuuga smiled, his hand lingering at Gaara's waist. "I guess we're off for Saturday, then?"
"I'll be fine," Gaara tried to protest, but Neji shook his head.
"I want you to stay home and rest anyways, you still seem pretty out of it," he commented. "Whenever you feel ready, we can reschedule, alright?"
Gaara nodded, a blush filling his cheeks as Neji leaned in to kiss him gingerly, mumbling a quick "Take care, please," in the redhead's ear. Gaara leaned into the embrace, his fingers clutching at the material of Neji's shirt as he tried not to be so broken.
end chapter 19