Title : Darn You Murphy's Law

Author Disclaimer : I own neither Farscape, nor Andromeda. I make no money from this widdle story of mine.

Rating : Pg-13, minor swear words.

Chapter One : Stupid Murphy...
Okay, today is definitely not normal, but since when is that a problem for me? You'll see...

I was walking towards somewhere, anywhere, nowhere, heck, I didn't even care! Anyway, I'm in one of Moya's many corridors when Murphy and his stupid law threw me another curve ball, and it hit me in the head. The ship tilted kinda funny like, and I lost my footing. So I'm a klutz sometimes, so sue me. I fall head first into this huge blue rip in Moya's skin. I landed flat on my face, dazed I sat up, but quickly regained my senses, and pulled my gun out. I took a good look around my surroundings. CRAP! Instead of the rich organic red of Moya, there was shiny metal walls. "Peacekeepers," I muttered under my breath, "Damn I hate Peacekeepers!" Sneaking around a corner I noticed a pair of boots sticking out from a hole in the wall. I crept quietly towards the dangling feet when I almost got a heart attack. The ship started blaring a very, VERY loud klaxon. "Alert! Intruder onboard! Alert!" I focused back on the boots.

"Aw Rommie, not that again, give me a break already will'ya?"

I charged my pistol, jumped into view of the PK with my gun leveled at his head. "Not. A. Sound." He looked like a badly dressed Peacekeeper engineer. That was good, PK soldiers would probably risked their heads being blown off. PK engineers are either hot blonde ladies, or cowardly guys.

"Huh?" The PK looked at me confused, "Look, I really, REALLY don't want you firing that off, but if your going to threaten me, then please do it in Common so I can understand."

Needless to say, this confused the hell out of me. I thought all PK's got translator microbes when they where born, guess I was wrong. "Oh come off IT!"

End POV

John hit the wall with his free fist. "Every time life seems to settle down, the Universe has to screw things up." He motioned with his gun to get Harper out of the conduit. Suddenly a holographic lady appeared in front of them.

"Harper, my last scans revealed the intur..." Rommie looked at both Harper and John. "Ah, I see you found him."

Harper cleared his throat, "Um, well, he sort'a found me. I think he's upset about something, but he doesn't speak common." Harper looked nervously at the gun still trained at his head."

"Listen, I don't know how I got here, or were the hell I am, but I will shoot you if you don't shut up!" John heard footsteps coming from all sides. He lunged towards Harper and grabbed him in a choke hold.

"Wrong move." Dylan, Tyr, Beka, and Rommie all appeared from different directions. Dylan and Rommie holding their force-lances, Tyr and Beka with their gauss guns.

"Dylan, I have analyzed the language he is speaking. It's a Old Earth dialect, English."

"That is a language has been dead for over 5,000 years!"

"WHAT! ... Wait, wait, wait.. I know what you guys are up to, you're trying to trick me. You can all understand me just fine." He tightened his grip on Harper. "Where are you Scorpy! Maldis! Eienstein!.. HUH! Come on and show your self!" John yelled down the corridor, "I know you're there!"

Dylan tried to sneak up behind the ranting John, but failed.

"One more step and your friend bites the bullet." John had his gun set on heavy stun, but no one there knew that. The guy he was holding stared to turn from pink to red, struggling to breath. John brought his gun closer towards Harpers head to emphasize his point.

Dylan stopped inching forward, understanding John's motion. "Okay, okay... " backing away, he turned towards the others. "Chances are, if we can't understand him, he can't understand us. Rommie, how did he get here?"

"My scans revealed that there is small residue from a terseract near... that wall. He seems to have a better immune system then Harper's. He also has some sort of neuro-circuitry in his brain."

John's Mind
"You know John, they could be telling the truth."

"Harvey, this is not the time, GO!" John pointed towards a old green dumpster. "When I want your opinion, then I'll ask for it!"

"Your loss."

"Just GO, LEAVE. VAMOOSE! SCRAM!"

Real Life

John snapped back to reality just as a smart bullet hit him in the shoulder. This caused him to yelp in pain and release his hold on Harper. "Frell!" John raised his pistol at Dylan with his good hand. Suddenly a discharge of electricity shot out from the ceiling, hitting his good hand. "YOU FRIED WYNNONA! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST FRIED WYNNONA!" John straighten and lunged towards the nearest target, and promptly decked Harper. He spun around and gave Dylan a right hook to the jaw and a sharp jab in the solar plexis. Twisting to avoid Tyr's punch, he used his momentum to hit Tyr on the back of his head with the butt of his gun, hard. John ducked, narrowly missing a kick in the head by Beka's boot. 'Aw man, they just had to have a lady. I hate fighting ladies, they fight so dirty.' He was so busy ducking Beka's kicks and swings that he failed to notice Rommie coming up behind him. He didn't even have time to say 'Ow' when he was rudely hurled into blackness.

Med Deck

John's eyes snapped open. "Ow, did anyone get the license plate number of that spaceship that hit me?" He tried to sit up, but felt some resistance. "What the heck did you do Zahn? I mean, seriou..." Suddenly the previous events hit him like a ton of bricks. "Oh CRAP!" He looked down and saw metal restraints on both his wrists and ankles. He quickly looked around the room as best he could. Satisfied that he was alone, he worked on loosening them.

Command Deck

Dylan, Tyr, Beka, Rommie, Trance, and Harper all stood watching the screen in front of them. "Are you sure this is the right man?" Dylan asked quizzically.

"Not 100 percent. I'm not a research vessel, nor am I equipped with a extensive library or historical archive. But from what information I do have stored in my database, I am 80 percent sure that the person in Med-Deck is John Crichton, the human that brought Earth to the attention of the Vedrans. If I am right, than we must return him to his proper time and place, or else life as we know it, would cease to exist."

"Okay, well first order on the agenda is communi-"

Harper cut Dylan off, "I might be able to help you there Boss. When I had that Perisid data stored in my mind, I vaguely remember designing nanobots to translate one language to another so that people can understand each other. I might be able to make a modified version, with just two languages, one English, the other Common."

"Sounds like a good plan," Dylan said, "Trance, see how our guest is doing, but be careful. He fought both me and Tyr, and he won."

"I will be," she said as she left Command, "Aren't I always?"

Med Deck

John had wrestled with the restraints for nearly a half a arn, but they showed no signs off weakening. It felt as if his wrists were on fire because he had rubbed them raw.

'Swish'

'Ah-ha, now they show up,' he thought as he pretend to be sleeping.

"So this is the poor person who's been messing with the time line. We are just going to hav'ta get you back."

John heard her step over to a consol nearby and start pressing buttons.

"Oh, you're awake!"

John still pretended to sleep.

"Fine, don't talk to me then," the female said in a pouty voice that made her sound like a upset 5yr. old.

John's Mind

"Talk to her John, you might be able to learn a few things about this place." Harvey popped up in his mind.

"Sheesh, give me a warning next time you do that. And seriously Harvey, now is not a good time."

"I won't leave till you do." Harvey then opened his mouth and started singing a Britney Spears song that John had heard when he was on Earth. It wouldn't have been that bad if Harvey hadn't used Britney Spears voice to sing it.

"Argh, alright, alright," John covered his ears, "I'll talk to her."

Harvey smiled and disappeared.

Real Life

John opened his eyes to see a purple alien standing over him with a worried look on her face.

"What was that?" Trance asked. Not getting an answer, she walked over and pressed a button on a panel. "Dylan, we have a problem. Our visitor seems to have another consiecnce in him. I don't think that's right. Can you come down to Med-Deck. Oh, and bring Harper with you."

"Harper?" Confusion was evident in Dylan's voice.

"I need him to check something mechanical for me, the neuro-circuitry in our guest's brain."

"Okay, we will be there soon."

Trance turned towards her patient, only to find him looking quizzically at her.

'How could she tell Harvey was in here?' John thought confused. He took a moment to study her. She had blonde hair with bits of purple, pointed ears, a tail flicking around in the air, and she seemed to sparkle slightly. After a few minutes the door opened with a swish. The tall brown haired man from the hallway, obviously 'Dylan', entered followed closely by the short, spiky haired Pk, most certainly 'Harper'.

"Harper, did you create the translation 'bots yet?" Trance asked.

"Yep, got'em right here, my sparkly babe." Harper held up his hand, revealing four nano-injectors.

"Good," Trance grabbed them for Harper. She first injected herself, then Dylan and Harper. Before John had time to react she injected the 'bots into his bloodstream.
If we could go into John's skull towards the base of the brain, you would see a war being fought across his nerves between the microbes and the nanobots.

At first John felt nothing, but soon he felt a tickle near his neck, then it increased to a dull ache. "Oh crap..." John trailed off as the ache turned into fire, but that wasn't what had him worried. It was the fact that he could no longer understand the trio any more.

"Something's wrong," Trance said while checking her instruments. "There is increase neural activity. We still won't be able to understand him for another five minutes." She prepared an injection of sedative and injected John with it. "Harper, our patient seems to have neuro-circuitry in his head, as Rommie said, but I believe it is active. I think that if you put a VR-Helm on him, you could jack into his mind.

"That might work, I'd have to reconfigure a helm to interface with his circuitry," Harper reached for a nearby VR-Helm that he had left in Med-Deck last time he was sick. After tinkering with it for a grand total of 30 seconds he cheered, "Yes! Am I a genius or what." Harper had a huge grin on his face as he stepped over to put the helmet on.

Trance grabbed his arm to stop him, "He's asleep now so he shouldn't actively fight you in his mind."

"Okay, okay," Harper held up his hand to stop Trance from continuing, "I'll be carefull." Harper finished putting the VR helm onto John, and plugged in his cord to the base of the helmet. He activated the VRH and winced slightly as he felt his mind stream into John's.

John Crichton's Mind

Harper arrived inside the labyrinth of circuitry installed inside of John's brain. After searching through some poorly hidden programs, Harper found a schematic of the device. "What a hack job! Amatuers, sheesh."

"What are you doing here?" asked and smooth, cultured, spooky voice.

Haper felt a chill go down his virtual spine. He whirled around and was met with a very strange sight. An aged man with sunken eyes, sharp cheek bones, with his skin as tight as saran wrap. Dressed in a skin-tight leather mask type thing. A hawiian top and kahki pants were pulled over an equally skin tight black leather suit. In the backround it looked like a Ladies Volleyball game on a beach. One team seemed slighty metalic, where as the other team had a skin color of grass green, rose petal pink, sunshine yellow, sea water blue. They practically screamed organic. The score was astronomical, 1,392,478,921 to 1,392,478,929 with the metal gals winning. Harper noticed that whenever one female let the ball fall down on their side, that player would disappear. The Organics would divide cells, meaning that one would spilt into two. If a Metalic disappered, one female would seems to draw rescources from around her and create another player. After ten or more of these regenerations, Harper noticed that only one Organic and Metalic were replicating. 'Must be Queens'.

"What are you doing here?" the man demanded harshly.

"Oh, I'm, uh," Harper studdered. "I'm here to, uh, find out what's the deal with the implant that, um, you? have."

"Ha, if this was my mind, I would have turned your mind into mush and shoved you back where you came from. I am a cerebral implant, left by the real me."

"Okay, well if you don't aren't the owner, then where is he?"

"He's not all here at the moment."

"What do you mean by that?"

"When you injected him with those translator nanobots, his translator microbes went nuts. They survive by feeding on soundwaves, and then they expell sort of a translation of what was said." After a slightly confused expression from Harper, Harvey tried to simplify it. "Think of it as breathing in oxygen, then expelling carbon dioxide. Your body knows what to do automatically, it's in your genetics. That is the same basic principle as the microbes. Anyway, the translator microbes are trying to survive by fighting off the nano-bots. The translator microbes colonize at the base of the brain near the centeral nervous system. They don't care if they harm the host or not as long as they survive. It is imperitave that the translator microbes win. The 'Head of the Hive' if you will, is attached to the primary bundle of nerves which control arm and leg movment. If 'she' dies, then John will never be able to move again." Harvey stared at Harper, looking him up and down. "And frankly, I don't trust you." Harvey's hand shot out as quick as lightning and grabbed Harper by the throat. As Harper virtually struggled with Harvey, he tried to call up the exit out of John's mind, but each time he found himself being blocked.

"How?" gasped Harper.

"I've been in here longer than you. I know how to do certain things. One of them is stopping your acess to my circutry."

"But, you let me in." Harper was almost a feet off the ground, he wasn't choking, but he couldn't get down or call up the exit. He was stuck.

"Only in order to find out what I am dealing with. It is in my best interest to keep you here and send John back in your place. Unfortunately I'll have to wait till most of the drug that 'Trance' injected into John wears off. Until then, you'll be stuck," Harvey threw Harper into the huge green dumpster, "in there." As the lid closed tightly, Harvey brushed off his outfit, then conjured up a chair to watch the show.

To Be Continued...

Please let me know how you liked it so far. I replaced the first chapter with this one because I