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Chapter 25: At Arm's Length
Notes: I apologize for how long this took. Between exams, my current J-rock and Death Note obsessions, and general laziness, it just kept getting put off. Sorry for the wait, and if this isn't up to par. Oh, and we're dangerously near to 300 reviews! Since I'm in a good mood, reviewer 300 gets to request a drabble from me and imaginary confetti.
I disclaim.
o
Gaara licked at the sweet stickiness on his fingertips that had been left by yet another cherry-flavoured candy cane. He could feel the residue on his wind-chapped lips, the aftertaste strong and syrupy. Temari had given him a large box of said candy canes for Christmas, and he had to admit, they were rather addicting (to the point where he sometimes found himself eating them without realizing, even). Luckily, though, it was a very big box and he still had quite a few left, although the one he just finished was the last one he had with him at the time, leaving two crumpled plastic wrappers in his deep coat pocket.
The redhead was sitting on the steps to the Hyuuga mansion, thin ankles crossed and gloved hands now pressed between his thighs for warmth. There was no wind, but the air was still deathly cold. It felt thin in his lungs, empty almost, skin stinging from the harshness of it. He felt suddenly rather bitter that the black fedora resting on his head didn't come down far enough to cover his ears.
According to one of Neji's letters, the family should have arrived home from the airport earlier that morning. Gaara had decided to stop by in the afternoon to visit (approximately ten minutes ago now), not wanting to come too early and be a bother. However, it appeared they hadn't yet made it home, as the door was locked and the driveway was vacant of vehicles; the snow around the matching immaculate white house untouched. The only trail of footsteps belonged to him, aside from the various ones from animals scattered about the yard, mostly lines of bird feet.
Another five minutes dragged by, during which Gaara had started to entertain himself by drawing thoughtless patterns in the snow until his fingertips could take no more. He had started to consider walking back home and giving Neji a call sometime later when the sound of gravel crunching beneath the wheels of an SUV called for his attention. Gaara got to his feet, quickly wiping the snow-doodles from their steps as an afterthought. The dark-coloured vehicle rolled to a stop just outside the garage (windows shading what was inside) and Gaara felt something catch in his chest as Neji hopped out of the backseat, pulling his suitcase along with him. For a few moments, the redhead just stared, absorbing the sight of him, every detail just as he remembered.
Those lips and those eyes, that neck and those hands…
It had only been two weeks or so, but time, being funny like it is, always made it feel longer and shorter in an odd way. However, it stopped mattering because there Neji was – real and vibrant.
"Hey!" he called to Gaara, who waved shyly as he came forward to greet the Hyuuga. "What are you doing here?"
"Waiting." Gaara shrugged. "You said you'd be here in the morning, so I came over a few minutes ago…"
Neji raised his eyebrows a little, then shook his head. "Idiot. It's cold; you should've gone home instead of standing out here waiting for me."
Gaara started a bashful reply, but before the words could form out of the jumbled thoughts in his mind and reach his lips, he was cut off by the touch of Neji's hands to his shoulders, and Neji's lips on his. It was a little surprising that Neji had dared to kiss him right then and there in front of his uncle and cousins, but the worry and slight embarrassment quickly dissipated in the warmth that never failed to surprise him. His own hands, slow to react as the cold had slipped through the spaces in the thin cotton of his gloves, held Neji's elbows gently. The kiss deepened, and their whole 'just friends' cover was entirely blown as Gaara felt Neji nibble at his lower lip gently before Gaara's lips parted and the brunette slipped his tongue into the other's mouth.
Sensation.
They probably would have continued further if not for a high-pitched squeal from Hanabi, who had just come around from the other side of the van.
"Hinata!" she said, pointing. "Neji just kissed…"
The two boys pulled apart, and Gaara tried to hide his blushing face behind Neji's shoulder as much as he could to avoid the glances of Neji's family (Hinata already knew, it seemed, but it was still slightly awkward).
Hinata laughed quietly, and put a hand on her younger sister's arm. "You can tease them for how cute it is later, alright? I think O-Ojii-san wants us to unpack…"
Hanabi gave her a slightly annoyed look, still looking dubious. "Alright…"
"Ignore her," Neji said quietly to Gaara. "Let's go inside."
"You sure it's okay?" Gaara asked unsurely.
Neji snorted. "Yes, I'm sure. You've been out in the cold for a long time waiting, there's no way I'm going to let you stay out here."
Gaara nodded, and let himself be lead into the main foyer of the house.
Neji's bedroom was the same as well, and he liked the familiarity, the feeling of something constant he could hang onto. It seemed silly, he thought to himself as he lay back on the cold bed-sheets, to think it wouldn't be the same, but for some reason he had. The notion that Neji might not have come back, or that he might have come back different and not wanted him anymore; those kinds of thoughts spiralled darkly in Gaara's mind at night and scared him, giving him doubt and all those other things Neji had taken away.
Until morning, of course. When morning came, there were always two little blue pills sitting beside his orange juice, offering to vanish it (like magic!) for another day.
"How was Paris?" he asked, rolling over to watch Neji as he started taking the things out of his suitcase.
Neji glanced back over his shoulder. "Pretty good, I guess. Nothing really interesting happened though aside from the stuff I told you in the letters…"
"Well, can you tell me anyways?" asked Gaara. "Just anything?"
Just let me hear your voice, just let me see you're real, please, I need to…
"Sure," Neji mumbled. He caught that desperate sort of yearning look like glass in Gaara's eye and knowing, not fully but enough. Talking wasn't his forte, so the words came quietly, slightly forced, but the sound was more than sufficient for Gaara closed his eyes and filled his mind with.
Eventually, Neji reached an end of things to say and the suitcase was nearly empty; he hadn't brought that much, after all. Gaara was still laying stomach-down on the bed with his head resting on his arms and his hat tipped down over his closed-lid eyes. Denim rustled as Neji crouched down by the edge of the bed to look Gaara in the face, reaching forward a hand to tip up his hat. Gaara opened one eye to look at him.
"Nice hat," Neji said simply. "It looks good on you."
Instantly, a blush filled Gaara's cheeks. He stumbled in attempt for words. "T-thanks, I… Kankurou got it for me."
"Did you have a good Christmas?"
Gaara nodded a little. "Pretty much. It was kinda weird. I'm not used to getting so much stuff. Back when it was… Dad and Temari and Kankurou and me, we just sort of stayed inside and exchanged gifts but it usually wasn't all that… I dunno. Festive, or friendly, or whatever. This year was a lot better, for a lot of reasons. But I missed you."
Neji took this in, running a finger along the brim of Gaara's hat. Soft black felt. "I missed you too. And were you… good?"
Good; as in not doing anything bad.
Gaara knew what it meant.
He gave a little nod again, and his hat slipped down over chunks of vibrant red hair that was beginning to grow a little long; long enough to hang into his eyes, anyways. Neji's hand slipped down to his cheek.
"Thank you."
He dug his elbows into the mattress, intending to prop himself up a little with them to move closer to Neji. Neji had been doing the same, leaving time for a slight moment of mutual but not embarrassing awkwardness before Neji dared lean a little further and Gaara decided to meet him halfway.
Sensation!
Real.
In that instant, Gaara could hardly believe he had doubted it.
o
"God, I can't believe we have to go back to school already!" Temari moaned, running a hand through her hair for what was probably the tenth time that morning. "I think I've forgotten everything I learned in school over break, and with exams coming up… shiiit."
Kankurou rolled his eyes. "Get a grip, will you? Women…"
Temari ignored him, sipping at the large travel-mug of coffee she had brought with her during their walk to school that morning clutched tightly with her pink-knuckled hands. She handed it to Gaara every once in a while so he could have a bit. It was a little scary how much he was starting to like the stuff. The redhead took one long last sip before saying a quick good-bye and heading towards a fair-sized crowd standing outside his school. Temari watched, scanning the tops of heads she could see briefly and settling on a certain familiar one…
'Lazy-ass.'
Temari didn't think about her relationship Shikamaru all that much; it was more the kind of thing that just existed without question, and it was better that way. Still, it did strike her as quite odd sometimes. He was a lot younger than she was – well, three years or so – and he generally was not at all the type of person she usually would imagine herself in the company of, but for some reason… she really liked being with him. Their interaction was relaxing, comforting in a way. But it was sort of weird and so other people would definitely think, and maybe that was the reason she tried not think of it so much, as not bring any complication into it. Like she could really use anymore of that…
A sudden jolt of pain shot through her side and she stumbled, one arm flailing as she tried to find steady ground for her feet to stand on. Once fairly steady (and after checking to see whether she had spilled any coffee), she turned angrily to Kankurou.
"What the Hell was that for, you ass!"
"Hm?"
"You elbowed me and I slipped!" she yelled.
Ostensibly uncaring, Kankurou flicked his eyes over to where she had before been staring suspiciously. "So, which one of them is your little boyfriend?"
"What?" she glared at him. "I don't have a boyfriend."
"Oh, come on, Gaara said he saw you two-"
She shook her head firmly. "No. We're just friends."
"Oh, really?" said Kankurou sarcastically. "You don't need to hide it from me, Tem."
"I'm not-"
He interjected before she could get any further. "But you have been, and not just with this. You've been involved with things about people that I can't know about. What am I supposed to think about that?"
Eyes narrowing defensively, Temari began walking a little faster. "Maybe it's just none of your business. Hm?"
"Well, what-"
"Look," she said, "if I could tell you, I might, but I honestly can't. Not yet. We'll see what happens today, alright?"
Kankurou eyed her warily. "Alright. If you say so."
Sighing, Temari sipped at her coffee, annoyed to find that some of the heat had escaped and it was now lukewarm. She grimaced and held the cup out to Kankurou reluctantly.
"Want any?" she asked.
"Naw, I'm good."
Once they reached the high school, Temari went off her own way and disappeared into the crowd, while Kankurou headed up to his locker on one of the second floor hallways. It was called the 'Dirt Hallway', and not just because the lighting made it look grimy and there was always a plethora of garbage on the floor; couples seemed to flock to the hallway to make out whenever they had a spare moment. Kankurou had always thought it was truly amazing what some people were comfortable doing in public.
Zaku, Dosu and Kin, who was resting in Zaku's arms, were leaning against one of the oddly coloured locker near his with backpacks slung over their shoulders. Kankurou gave them a wave and started on his lock combination, vaguely aware of the teacher that had begun yelling at Dosu.
"Young man! Take off your hood right this instant, or you'll be sent down to the office!"
Dosu cast one eye lazily at her. "What? Why?"
The middle-aged woman glared at him. "Because hoods suggest gang-related activity! Now remove it!"
Smirking at Zaku, who was trying not to dissolve in a bout of laughter, Dosu removed the hood only to reveal a toque covering his head.
"Happy now, madam?"
"The hat too," she said sharply and headed off down the hall. As soon as she was out of hearing range, Zaku nearly collapsed in his mirth, distracting the attention of quite a few people mulling about with his howls. Kin glared at him, but he took no notice.
"'Gang-related activity'! Are you in a gang, Dosu? HAHA!"
"Shut up, man. Stupid bitch," Dosu muttered, turning to Kankurou. "Oy! Someone was here for you, uh… Ukon. Yeah."
"Oh?" Kankurou asked, swinging his lock open. "What about?"
"Yer sister or something. He needed to talk to your sister…" Dosu shrugged. "Can't remember. You going to first period?"
Kankurou shrugged. "I might as well. I mean-"
"KANKUROU-KUUUUUN!"
Something heavy and partially bright yellow suddenly latched onto his shoulder and Kankurou looked down to find Ukon hanging off of him with a gigantic purple smile.
'Is he in on it?' Kankurou thought suddenly, and with slight discomfort. 'Is that why he wanted to find to Temari? Because he knows about that stuff that she knows that she won't tell me? Wait, how many people know? Am I the only one, or…
'Just what's going on here?'
"Hey Ukon…" he managed.
"Hey yourself." Ukon quickly let go of Kankurou and righted himself. "Where's that lovely sister of yours?"
"I dunno; she's here somewhere. Probably went to her locker…"
Ukon shook his head, causing the metallic beads strung around his neck to clack against one another. As usual, the boy had managed to put together a crazy sort of outfit that was just bad enough to look good.
"Nuh-uh, she's not there!" he sang.
"Well, I don't think I can help you then," said Kankurou, trying to avert his eyes from Ukon's girlish pout. "Why, is it something important?"
"Kinda…"
"Can you tell me what-" Kankurou cursed mentally as the ball rang loudly all through the hallway, cutting him off.
"Crappit! I've gotta run!" Ukon exclaimed. "See you guys at lu-unch!" He blew Kankurou an overdramatic kiss before turning and scampering off down the hallway, earning another bout of odd looks and rolled eyes from the group of girls dressed in tight jeans and too much makeup, and the boys in brand name T-shirts and smirks. Kankurou ignored the stares and shoved what binders he needed into his backpack before going off to class, thoughts and suspicions simmering in his mind.
If there was one thing Kankurou knew for sure was that no matter how pleasant things may seem, it is never perfect. There can always be, and usually is an underlying something else, a something not right (not-at-all); well hidden and too often ignored, but always there.
o
The hallways were crowded and deafening, cluttered with an army of zombies, or rather, half-asleep and unenthusiastic students displeased at being back at school. Sasuke could hear them through the thick door he leaned against – girls catching up on gossip, some boys cheerfully exchanging snowboarding-injury stories; pointless chatter in too-loud voices. Fishing through the backpack at his feet, he pulled out a small bottle containing a few Advil. All week he had been plagued with pounding headaches, to the point where it felt like someone jumped on his head every night when he managed to get to sleep, so Itachi had let him take a few to school.
But only a few, Itachi had told him cautiously.
'Who the fuck tries to overdose on Advil anyways?'
They were bitter-bland on his tongue and he had to tip his head all the back and try a few times to actual get them down, but the option of going back inside to get a drink from the cafeteria was unappealing. It wasn't that cold outside anyways. At least there was no wind, only the vague noises of distant traffic to stick pins into the numb insides of his ears.
"I thought you'd be out here."
'Damn.'
Sasuke winced at the voice, feeling a brief rush of warm air against his side as the door swung closed. Naruto stood on the other side of it in his vividly orange parka, peering at him with one of those looks.
"So." he said, simple as that, and the Uchiha could already feel himself begin to unravel.
Sinking his teeth into the insides of his lower lip lightly to keep his mouth shut, Sasuke mentally began cursing Naruto's straightforward and tactless nature. Since their fight, they had not spoken word now syllable to each other, though the catching of eyes had almost become a common event. Those sticking, undeniable gazes; uncontrollable and often regrettably enjoyable. It was funny, the way, Sasuke downright detested every little thing about Naruto in the same way he enjoyed all of them in a way he did not think he should. Those quirks – his stubbornness, determination, the way he was so ecstatic for ramen, the stupid things he would say…
The way he had actually managed to put up with Sasuke for so long.
So much of what Naruto had given were good memories, and it sent his mind into a panicked indecision. He really did not want to have to deal with it just then, he really did not want to deal with Naruto of all people; he really did not want to deal with their relationship (whatever it was), and he really did not want to…
"Your brother called me," Naruto said blatantly, "that day you ran away, to see if I knew where you were. And he called me the day after to say you came back okay."
"Yeah. I know." replied Sasuke, though he hadn't known at all.
Naruto crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall. "Why did you do something stupid like that, anyways?"
"It's nothing; not that you need to know," Sasuke muttered. "Okay? I have a really bad headache, and I just want to be left alone. Why are you out here to talking to me anyways?" It didn't make sense, nothing did. "I thought you hated me or…"
"You're so goddamn stupid!"
One of Sasuke's hands flew to his temple of its own accord, eyes squeezing tightly closed as his skull began to throb once more. "Fuck…" he muttered, turning his face away so Naruto couldn't see.
"I don't hate you," Naruto continued, his voice dropping to a quieter but still determined tone. He took a step forwards, snow snapping and crunching beneath his shoes. "You're a total prick and you piss me off a lot of the time, but I don't hate you. Never did."
Never will?
Massaging his scalp lightly with his fingers, Sasuke remained quiet. He was slightly surprised Naruto was telling him this and unsure as to why. Looking up, he discovered just how close Naruto had come to him, now only a few steps away. Pulling his eyes from the blonde, he stared at the ground. Not at Naruto. Don't look at Naruto, stop wanting to look at Naruto, stop…
"Why did you try to run away?" Naruto asked, again so frankly.
"I don't know…," said Sasuke, shaking his head.
"Yes you do. Why?"
Sasuke didn't answer.
"It was stupid, you know."
"Yeah."
"The day before Christmas."
"I know."
"So why did you-"
"Just shut up!" Sasuke hissed. "Why do you keep pressing this?"
"I want to know." said Naruto, faltering a second before adding a little quieter, "You worried me. A bit."
For a second after this was said, the Uchiha stared at him rather blankly. Cheeks filled with an overdose of pink from the cold, he tried not to shiver, and slowly exhaled in hazy white wisps. A car sped by on the road, giving a distraction within the rolling bass of its radio for just a moment, and Sasuke indulged himself in it thoroughly. Unfortunately, his mind was pulled back in a second later as the sound faded and he became aware of Naruto hand cupping his elbow gently through his coat. When, he wondered, had he started shaking so violently, his entire body quivering? Weakly.
"Look at me." Naruto said, and Sasuke complied. Blue eyes searched his face, leaving Sasuke feeling desperate and exposed. He hated those feelings that were quickly capsizing him, and wanted to escape so badly! He hated the way it seemed Naruto could figure out what Sasuke was hiding with hardly a second glance, knew the things to say to get under his skin…
Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic, he thought, wanting to choke. Did Naruto see this too, the way he could hardly control himself?
Worn so thin…
Another noise came, another glorious distraction as they both looked over to the door that had just opened beside them. Gaara had stepped out a bit, hesitating as he caught sigh of them.
"Oh." He said, quietly. Then, "Oh. Sorry. I was just, uh… has Neji come out this way?"
Naruto didn't withdraw his hand from Sasuke as he pivoted and answered Gaara. "No, we haven't seen him come out this way."
"You sure?"
"Well, I saw him a while ago, and I don't think he went out." Naruto told him. "Why?"
"Can't find him… but thanks…" Gaara murmured, raising a hand to his mouth to nibble at one of his pale fingernails as he hurried back inside, long black coat trailing behind.
Sasuke was tempted to escape from Naruto just then, but the blonde's hand had moved from his arm up to his shoulder. Worst of all, though, was that Naruto was smiling at him. Of all things…
"Sasuke-teme."
"Dobe." He muttered.
Naruto tipped his head back a little and laughed. "So, what I came out here to say was don't pull any more stupid things like that. You idiot."
"A lot more people care about you then you realize," Kisame had said. "If only you'd stop pushing everyone away and shutting everyone out."
Sasuke was surprised, but only a little bit, as Naruto leaned in closer in a deliberate sort of way. "You really don't get it at all, you know! I hate you; yeah right! Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with your head or something because…"
They were so close.
"…you moron, what will running away solve? You can't just run away from it all? Got me?"
Sasuke felt Naruto's hand tighten, release, then dart away to punch lightly him in the shoulder. "Hey! You listening?"
"Yeah," Sasuke muttered. "I get it, okay?"
Lips, cheeks, eyes; the brunette found himself stuck looking at Naruto (and Naruto at him). Even if he hadn't meant it the first time, he got it then. Yes, he got it. Not that it wasn't obvious as Naruto's eyelids lowered and he was suddenly so close that Sasuke could feel warm breath against his neck, a shudder running through him. Lips, cheeks, eyes, then lips…
"Naruto."
The blonde gave Sasuke a questioning look as he shifted backwards, eyes fixated just over Naruto's shoulder.
"I get it," he mumbled, "or at least I think I do… what you're getting at here but… Not yet. Lately I've just been so out of it."
"I've noticed," commented Naruto, and Sasuke smirked.
"Figures. I just need a little time to get things sorted out with me. Before we, uh…"
Naruto raised an eyebrow. "What are you suggesting?"
"Eh?"
"Did you think I was gonna kiss you just now?" Naruto asked incredulously. At the horrified expression on Sasuke's face, he snorted laughter. "Kidding, kidding, you know me. I'm okay with giving you time, but don't go thinking I'm going to wait for you forever."
"I know."
"Do you?"
Sasuke shifted forwards again, hair falling over his face. He swept it back, smirking in a glad sort of way, however he managed that (but Naruto liked it).
"Of course I do, dobe."
Again, the words fell across his mind; "A lot more people care about you than you realize…"
As much as Sasuke hated when he was wrong, and hated giving into it, he was going to have to make an exception. If only this once.
o
'Where are you?' Gaara hissed mentally. His footsteps sounded in rapid but even intervals through the now empty hall, mutterings scattered between them.
'What's wrong with me? It shouldn't be a big deal if you go off on your own every now and then; every needs that every now and then, but you didn't tell me? Goddamnit, why am I worrying this much? It's stupid to worry this much. It's probably annoying too, but I just want to find you. Why didn't you tell me where you-'
"Gaara?"
Two steps and the shriek of rubber against the floor as the redhead stopped abruptly. Sakura peered at him, offering a smile.
"Hey… aren't you going to have lunch?"
He didn't answer directly, staring at her knees instead. "…was looking for Neji…" he murmured.
"Oh! I saw him!" She pulled a small purse from her locker and turned to him again. "He was down that hallway over there. I think he went into the art room."
'Art room. That was obvious. Idiot.'
"Oh. Thank you."
"No problem." She shrugged, carelessly, and he envied her for such an air.
There was a dryness in his mouth he could find no reasonable (not to his definition of the word, anyways) explanation for, counting silently the offbeats between his footsteps as he took off again.
o
Knees to her chest and her forehead to her knees, Tayuya leaned against the wall of the yellow brick wall of the upstairs girls' washroom. Beside her, a quick cartoon scribbled in Sharpie depicted their vice principal being crushed by a giant hairy foot, though it had worn away a bit with age, and a few names were scribbled beneath alongside various insults. The place was empty, save the three and the reflections that hovered in the mirror on the opposite wall.
"It's not fair!" Ukon exclaimed, looking around. "Your washrooms are so much nicer than the guy's ones!"
Temari rolled her eyes. "You've been here before, Ukon."
"I know, but I still can't get over it…"
"Anyways." Temari sat down next to Tayuya. Her stomach loudly reminded her that she had only had half a breakfast that morning, but she ignored it. "So… Kimimaro wasn't at school today."
"He's coming Wednesday," Tayuya said, raising her head. "I think. I mean, he's on a lot of meds and shit, so he's somewhat healthy…"
"I see…," said Temari quietly. Through bits and pieces of information she had been fed by Ukon and Sakon she had managed to find out just about all of what had happened between Tayuya and Kimimaro, and Sakon. "Since he's coming to school… are we going to let a few people know? I mean, if he still looks sick, it's going to be hard to pretend that everything's fine."
"I dunno. Kin's already suspicious as Hell, so I guess sooner or later… Damn secrets; it's making me freaking paranoid all the time." Tayuya grumbled, then quieter, "I hate this…"
Ukon, who had his back to the two girls and was staring out the small and only window in the wall, sighed lightly. "You and him are talking, then?"
She shrugged. "A little…"
Talking? Yeah, they were doing some of that. There had been a long time when they hadn't talked at all, though, not if you didn't count Tayuya's outburst. After Sakon and Ukon had confronted her about the whole affair, she had walked straight back to Kimimaro's house without a second thought whatsoever and walked right in. The words she had slung at him had even made her wince as she looked back on them. She had learned many a time just how dangerous her impulses could be, but she knew she would never learn. Besides shouting at someone just felt so good sometimes…
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" she had screamed. "Are you intent on fucking everyone's lives up, or does it just come naturally to you, huh? You fucked Sakon, and didn't even tell me! You cheated on me, and didn't think I would care? I'm not a shallow shit-for-brains, you ass, and I want a fucking explanation right now!"
The fact that he didn't even have a response made it worse. She wanted him to argue. She wanted to get out all the anger and despair in one go, but he insisted on making it difficult.
"I don't give a shit that you're sick right now, that's your own fault! Are you even fucking listening to me? Are you ever fucking listening to me?" Tayuya whipped the plastic bag with the movies she had rented in it, her respiration uneven. "Are you trying to screw with my head…? Why won't you just give me an answer! Come on!"
At yet another silence, Tayuya screamed, released another slur of insults, and stomped out the door.
A few days later, he had phoned her, and apologized, and she had muttered something about not meaning what she had said in return. She wasn't sure if he meant it, but didn't ask, and after three minutes they ran out of things to say and she hurriedly hung up. It had left them in a state of limbo, not quite on one end of the spectrum and definitely not on the other.
At least some good had come during that time, though; both she and Sakon's test results had come back negative. Tayuya had never been so happy to fail a test before in her life.
"I hate to be nosy… well, that's a lie, I love being nosy," said Ukon, "but, uh… what terms are you guys on now?"
Temari watched as Tayuya rolled her neck back and then from side to side, glad that Ukon had asked before she ran out of patience and blurted out the question herself.
"Well…" Tayuya frowned. "It's goddamn fucked up, that's what it is, I guess. I mean… he cheated on me, but I can't just hate his guts, just like that. It doesn't work like that. I miss him, of course. I'm still fucking worried, but… but right now, I don't want to be with him." She shook her head, not bothering to do anything about the thick strands of orange hair that fell into her face. "There's just too much shit in the way to go back to being lovers now. Not that we can anyways…"
Temari put a hand over Tayuya's, warm in contrast to the cold and dirty floor. "I think you shouldn't talk to him for a while, or even be near him. Think of what he did, Tayuya-chan… you don't deserve that."
"Yeah, but…"
"Yabbit's a rabbit with short ears," Ukon mumbled and gave an offbeat chuckle. Both girls gave him weird looks, to which he blushed and explained, "Sorry, my mum always says that to me and Sakon… Anyways, I kinda disagree with you, Tema-chan."
"Eh? Really?"
Ukon turned around to face them, hands stuffed deeply into the pockets of his jacket. "Maybe things will work out; you can't just assume it's doomed. I mean, that's part of love and friendship, isn't it? Forgiving mistakes and all that?"
"You're such a sap, Ukon-chan," Temari snorted.
"And so what if I am?" he crossed his arms, feigning offence taken. "Anyway, it's Tayuya's decision, right?"
Sighing, Tayuya pushed herself to her feet, rocking forwards onto the balls of her feet. "That's right. It is, and… I still don't fucking know. I'll think about it, or just wait and see what happens when I see him again. I don't feel like fucking it up more than it already is, or getting him mad at me. I really, really don't want him to die mad at me…"
"Tayuya-chan…" Temari reached forwards for Tayuya again.
"No." Tayuya shook her head. "I'm okay. I can deal."
"If you're sure…."
"Leave her, Temari-chan," Ukon said. "She's Tayuya, remember? If she says she's fine, she's fine. We all handle things in our own different ways."
Still looking unsure, Temari withdrew. "Alright… But I still-"
"H-hey!"
All three turned to the doorway, where a petite preppy-looking girl stood, pointing and staring at Ukon incredulously.
"You're a guy!"
Ukon stared back at her a second before he looked down at himself, padding his chest as if searching for breasts. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "You know what, you're right! I AM a guy! I never noticed before! Thanks for pointing it out, little girl, I guess I'll be going now."
Rolling his eyes, he brushed past the girl, and Temari and Tayuya followed close behind as they walked out into the hall.
"Some people…" he muttered. "Oh, and don't worry so much Tayuya. I know this is frank, but with meds Kimimaro can still live for a long time. Trust me," he said as Temari shot him a look, "I did my research. It can be okay."
Temari nodded, trying not to notice how even Ukon's voice seemed a little less sure than usual and the way Tayuya walked slowly, her head hung slightly as if her neck had decided to give way on her. Almost a death march, and it was the 'almost' that saved them.
o
Gaara held the photograph carefully, pressing the flesh of his fingertips against the edges to avoid smudging the image with fingerprints. The hallway outside the art room was empty, giving them a sort of privacy that wasn't very private at all.
"This is…"
"For you." Neji answered shortly. "The second part of you Christmas gift. It took a while because it was on a half-finished roll of film I took with my on vacation and this is the only dark room I have access to, so…"
"Thank you," Gaara murmured. He had found Neji just as the brunette was coming out of the art room, a folder full of prints he had made that morning before school in hand. There were beautiful things; pictures of buildings with balconies and ironwork gates, a woman in red with a cigarette dangling from her lips, an off-centre portrait of an old looking window…
And then there was the one Gaara was holding. It was a somewhat simple picture, and Gaara remembered the exact moment Neji had taken it; how he had held the camera out before them at arm's length and watched, vaguely amused, while Gaara panicked as his finger moved to push the shutter and capture their image.
"I don't deserve this." The words slipped from Gaara's mouth, almost subconsciously and without effort.
Neji gave him a look. "What?"
"I really don't," continued Gaara. "I'm sorry."
"But you really don't have anything to be…" The Hyuuga put a steadying hand on Gaara's shoulder. "Are you alright?"
For a while, Gaara was quiet. "Yes," he said after a while. "I'm just… not right today…"
'Not right': as in panicky and jittery and the world suddenly seemed vividly full of things he did wrong. That kind of not right. The kind that ran like a chain of dominoes, one thing leading to another to another, until you'd knocked them all down.
"Any reason?" asked Neji.
"N-no."
"Gaara."
"Really." Gaara smiled. He knew his part well, having acted out the scene many times before with various people. Even he didn't know why, but some days he would just slip into it and be unable to get out for a while. Sure, those pretty blue pills muted it a bit, but that kind of 'not right' still dragged him down. He knew it so well, that kind of not right that made it hurt like Hell to lie like that, and hurt even worse to admit it…
(again and again and again)
And Neji's hand was there, bringing him closer despite their surroundings. Gaara didn't mind, accepting the movement though he could hear noise; far-off or maybe just muffled, or maybe he wasn't listening too hard. His eyes were closed, then, as he heard the voice. He recognized it, but couldn't recall a face, and didn't want to. A boy, their age. Smirking.
"Great. Just what we need. More fags."
And again, he panicked, feeling Neji's hand clamp down on his wrist tightly.
"Fuck off," Neji hissed to the boy.
Gaara still had his eyes closed, but he could hear a snort, laughter. Just one set of footsteps, luckily, walking away from them.
Not this, not now.
Another domino.
end chapter 25