Part 3: Rift

Cedric was more affectionate than ever, and that was a high bar. Harry lost himself in it and tried to forget about the confusing feelings that stirred deep inside him.

Draco could hardly bear to see the two of them, over at their table during meals. Harry would instinctively lean into Cedric even when they were chatting away with their friends. It twisted awfully in his chest, but still he couldn't make himself sit on the other side of the table, couldn't turn his back to it.

When Draco was distracted, Harry occasionally stole a glance at him, during meals or classes. He looked sad. There wasn't a better way to put it.

As guilty as it made him feel, Harry ignored Malfoy. The touch they shared faded into the shadows, following him around but always out of sight.

"What's on your mind these days?" Cedric asked softly.

"What do you mean?" Harry replied.

Cedric brushed some of Harry's overgrown hair out of his face.

"Lately I've noticed you'll be right here and then you'll be miles away. I've been wondering if something is the matter?"

"I'm fine," Harry laughed unconvincingly.

"Are you not happy with me?"

"Of course I am!" Harry cried out, but Cedric's face looked dubious. He didn't want to lie to him. "I'm… just feeling a bit confused."

Cedric's expression was sad.

"Do you want to…"

"-No!" Harry kissed him. "I don't want to break up, Ced."

Cedric pressed his forehead to Harry's.

"I was going to ask… if maybe we should take a break." It pained him to say the words.

"What's the difference?" Harry whispered shakily.

Tears pricked in Harry's eyes. He was so afraid of this. And so angry at himself for making this happen. Why couldn't things stay the same for once in his goddamn life. As soon as he gets close to happiness, it slips away.

"I just feel like you're slipping away," Cedric said, echoing Harry's unspoken thoughts.

"I'm not, I'm right here," Harry pressed another soft kiss to Cedric's lips. He stared into his eyes, desperate for Cedric to see him, see how much he needed him. "I'm right here with you."

Cedric made his way down the busy main street of Hogsmeade, slightly dishevelled in his lateness. He spied Harry through the crowd, waiting for him. Harry hadn't seen him yet. He was looking dreamy, a blush to his face and a slight smile. He was admiring something.

Cedric followed his eyes to see what he was looking at. Across the way, his gaze reached someone dressed nicely in a dark coat and an emerald green scarf.

Malfoy. A discomfort rose up in Cedric's throat. He looked back to Harry, and Harry's eyes found Cedric's finally. But it was too late. Cedric turned to leave back the way he came.

"Cedric, what's the matter?" Harry chased after him. He grabbed his arm. "What happened?"

Cedric stopped. He didn't want to have this conversation. If they didn't talk about it, it wasn't real. But he couldn't live in that fantasy for long.

"Hey, talk to me," Harry soothed.

"You said it didn't mean anything to you, but it did."

Harry's stomach dropped. So did his face. "What?"

"I just want you to be honest with me, Harry. You're miles away when you're with me, and that's understandable! With all you've been through… But it's not that, is it?"

"I don't understand…" Harry said, but he did.

"Maybe we should take a break."

"Don't say that," Harry whispered.

"I don't know, Harry, this is getting too painful. I want to give you everything… and I want everything from you. But you can't give that to me..."

"I'm sorry, Cedric. I hate this. I hate hurting you."

"Harry," Cedric cupped Harry's face with his hands gently. "If this… if I'm not enough for you, we can't keep doing this. It's not fair on me..." he kissed Harry's forehead tenderly. "And it's not fair on you."

Tears were running freely down Harry's cheeks now.

The world felt like it was crumbling all around him. His heart was in agony. It was happening again, another loved one leaving him. Harry reached out for Cedric's hands. Weakly he pleaded with Cedric.

"Please…"

Cedric's brow furrowed, his face crumpled with pain.

"I just... need to think, Harry," Cedric said. He sounded pained. "And you need to figure out what you want."

Harry let go of Cedric's hands, and they fell to his side like deadweights. He swallowed the painful lump in his throat and nodded, trying to hold back the raging storm inside him.

The next morning Harry scuffled in late to potions, bleary eyed and blotchy face from crying, taking a seat at the back of the classroom. Slughorn gave him a look but continued with the lesson. The old potion master was still lenient with Harry.

Draco stewed over this, as he had just been lectured by Slughorn for being late himself. Potter was untouchable.

It was double potions: two hours of torture for Harry. With each passing minute he wished he'd gone against his outstanding moral fibre and skived off instead. It took every atom of his being to not absolutely lose it and break down, but in a way he was glad he was forced to keep it together.

After an eternity Slughorn dismissed the class, and just as Harry and Draco were about to escape, he called out to them.

"Oh Mr Malfoy, Mr Potter; since you both were late, you can spend this afternoon cleaning the cauldrons and doing a stocktake of my storeroom."

Draco scowled but said nothing, annoyed about the punishment but silently triumphant that Potter wasn't getting off scot-free like he usually did. Harry looked as though he was about to argue his case, but then gave up moments later, accepting his fate before saying a thing.

They started cleaning up in silence once Slughorn left. Draco made it a full five minutes before he couldn't hold back anymore. "I would have thought they'd have passed a law against The Savior ever having to serve detention," he commented snidely.

"If you'd take your head out of your arse for one moment you'd have noticed I'm not up for this today, Malfoy." Harry bit out tiredly.

"Can't bear to chat with one of your lowly subjects?"

"For fucks sake," Potter hissed under his breath. He tried to focus his anger on the cauldron he was cleaning; his scrubbing getting faster and more aggressive.

Draco shut up for all of two minutes before he noticed tears running silently down Harry's face as he cleaned.

"What's wrong with you?..." Draco approached him.

Harry laughed sardonically into his hands and then looked up at Draco. "I'm fucking sad, Malfoy."

Draco was taken aback for a moment, but after burying his empathy, he scoffed. "What could you possibly have to be sad about?"

"You have a very warped sense of how my life is, Malfoy."

"From what I've seen, things turn out great for you no matter what you do. You break the rules, run into danger without hesitation, hardly put effort into your studies… Mess around with people… And there you are, unscathed, a hero. The Golden boy." Draco spat out in distaste. He'd said a bit more than he meant to but nothing to do about it now.

"Try to deny it, Potter. Tell me I'm wrong."

"You're wrong." Harry said firmly, anger rising up inside him. Malfoy, along with most of the wizarding world, had no clue about his life. His trials and measly achievements had been blown out of proportion and glamorised by the newspapers. Every day Harry lived with the truth that he'd barely scraped by and the memory of every life he failed to save.

"Things turned to shit. Every. Damn. Time! But no one likes to hear about that part, do they?! Everyone loves to talk about the victories but they can't hear when you tell them the defeats!" Harry yelled. "And here it is again, turning to shit!"

"Everything was fine," Harry whispered shakily. "... but you ruined everything! Why couldn't I just forget about you!"

"I'm used to it by now, I ruin most things."

Draco was trying to stay composed. But his pulse was racing at the implication that Harry couldn't stop thinking about him.

"Yes. You do," Harry agreed venomously. "Now you've gone and ruined the only thing I had left." Harry stared at the cauldron in front of him. Then he turned on his heels and ran from the classroom.

Maybe, Harry began to think, this was how it was meant to be. His entire life had been ruled by prophecy and destiny so why should it be any different now? Perhaps his existence was nothing more than some sad little paragraph in the pages of the universe that read 'he would be alone'. Alone and miserable. Malfoy wondered the same about himself.

oh no am I just too mean to these boyz