Disclaimer: I still don't own it so you still don't sue.

Chapter 9

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer
--Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

Snape stormed through the hallways not even able to get his usual enjoyment out of watching the students scurry to get out of his path. Dumbledore had refused to put up privacy wards, insisting that Moody was too ethical to spy on a married couple. Snape knew that there was no way that he was going to be able to perform his husbandly duties if there was a chance that Moody might be looking in.

Just then he noticed Alexis in the hall talking to some of the students. She looked up as if she had felt his gaze on her and her eyes darkened before she sent him a smile that held a wealth of promise for later that night. That firmed his resolve, along with other things, and he decided to confront Moody. But later, right now he had to get to teach a class, in thirty minutes, but he did have to prepare for the class.

When he had completed everything that could possibly be completed, Snape headed to Moody's office. He arrived as Moody was leaving for dinner, "Professor, if you have a moment I require a word with you?" Snape said icily.

"What do you want, Snape? I was just leaving," Moody replied impatiently as his magical eyed roamed all over Snape, pausing briefly on his left arm.

"This will only take a moment," Snape stated determined to get this over defensively crossing his right arm over his left.

Moody gave him another look before stepping back into his office. Snape entered and closed the door behind him causing Moody to reach a hand into his robes and pull his wand out.

Snape looked at him impatiently, "What do you think you are going to do with that?"

"Constant Vigilance! You may have Dumbledore and Draluck fooled but you don't fool me. A snake doesn't change its stripes," Moody replied, before cracking the door open slightly.

"If you meant Alexis, her name is Snape now," Snape replied stiffly.

"I am going to figure out what spell you put her under to make her agree to marry someone like you," Moody growled at him, "and when I do, you will be back in Azkaban and this cursed marriage will be over."

Snape's eyes flashed and Moody actually took a half step back before he recovered, "What did you want?"

Snape paused before hissing, "My wife is concerned about our privacy. She would like your assurance that you will not invade our privacy."

Moody glared at him out of his one normal eye as his magic eye rolled around and down presumably looking into the dungeons, "What are you trying to hide?"

"Nothing," Snape replied, "I… she just doesn't want to worry that you may scan our quarters while we are," Snape paused to clear his throat nervously, "involved in activities," again he cleared his throat, "that married couples involve in."

"What type of activities? Do you have her involved in dark magic?" Moody asked.

"No," Snape stated vehemently, "We are married and we enjoy certain," Snape glanced away for a moment, "intimacies that we would not want to have on public display."

"What are you talking about?" Moody growled.

Snape was getting frustrated. "Use your imagination," he sneered.

"I am using my imagination, and I cannot think of anything good that you could be doing with Alexis that you would not be able to do in front of the public," Moody paused to take a swig out of his flask. "If you don't want people watching then it must be something to hide in the dark," he said suggestively.

"Well, actually, she likes to have the light on…" Snape replied before he thought.

"What are you talking about?" Moody asked. "Speak plainly, man," he demanded.

The door to the office swung open and Alexis stepped in, "You want plain, Moody? I don't think you can handle plain, but here goes," Alexis said with a cool level look. "We want to make sure that we can make wild, hot, passionate love without having to worry about you leering, I mean peering in at us."

Moody stared at Alexis and then looked at Snape before flushing red, "I would… why… would… never…" Moody sat into his chair behind his desk looking flustered, "I would never do something like that," he managed to creek out after a moment.

"See that you don't," Alexis stepped up until she was looming over the seated man. "Because if I get even a hint or a passing thought that you might even have considered looking into our quarters," Alexis gave him a long assessing look from his head to his toes, "let's just say that no matter how vigilant you are… I will find a way to make sure you regret it." Turning to take Snape's hand, "Darling, let us retire to dinner."

Snape mutely walked with her out of the office. On the way to the Great Hall he kept casting sidelong looks at her, "What?" she asked with a small smirk playing around her lips.

"Nothing, dear," coming to a stop he looked up and down the corridor before pulling her behind a large statue of Clothide the Clever and giving her a long passionate kiss.

When she caught her breath, "What was that for? Not that I am complaining, but I want to know for future reference, just in case I want to do it again."

"You are incredibly sexy when you are threatening someone," Snape smirked before returning to their interrupted journey to dinner.

Later that evening, Alexis looked up from her notes, "Severus, would you help me with something?"

"It depends on what it is," he said from where he was grading papers.

"I've never taught a class. Will you listen to my portion of the lecture and let me know what you think?"

"All I have to do is listen?"

"And watch me," Alexis clarified, "I don't want to come across as nervous or unsure."

"Very well, when would you like to do this?"

"Do you have time tonight? We will be teaching the first upper class this Saturday and if there is anything I need to work on I would like to have the extra time," Alexis explained.

Snape nodded briefly, "Can you give me a minute to finish these papers?"

"Of course, I'll just get everything ready while you finish up," Alexis rose and walking over kissed his head before heading into the bedroom. A few minutes later, Snape called out that he was ready.

Alexis came in dressed in loose black robes fastened all the way to her chin and falling all the way to sweep the floor, her hair was scraped back into a severe bun and from somewhere she had obtained dark rimmed glasses. The look was austere: Snape nodded his approval.

Alexis began her lecture with a technical but understandable explanation of the male reproductive system. She had moved on to the female reproductive system when a trickle of sweat ran down her forehead. Pausing, she bloated it away and then unfastened the top two clasps on her robes before continuing. More sweat began to dew her brow, without pausing this time, Alexis finished unfastening her robes. Snape didn't say anything because she was wearing a cardigan and long wrap skirt that fell down to her ankles, the look was slightly less formal, but still modest. She had started discussing secondary sexual characteristics of the male body, when she finally just shrugged the robe off and tossed it on a chair.

When she moved on to female secondary sexual characteristics she unzipped and removed her cardigan and revealed a low cut tank top showing a good example of the anatomy she was currently discussing. Snape was frowning slightly.

While moving slowly to and fro, she started discussing the body's reaction to stimulation. Snape noticed that her skirt was cut so that every time she took a step, a good portion of her leg was revealed.

Snape had stopped paying attention to the lecture and was just watching as more and more of her leg was shown. The longer she walked, the more the slit slipped and the higher it went. When Alexis turned to retrieve something from the box she had brought in with her, Snape was able to return his attention to her lecture. She was discussing contraceptives. He nodded as she mentioned the standard charms and potions available to witches and wizards. Snape frowned again when she started talking about Muggle contraceptives. She had pulled out a small foil wrapped square. Describing how a condom worked she stressed that proper application of the condom to the penis was the key to the effective use of this method of Muggle birth control.

Snape was puzzled when she pulled a banana out of the box. Opening the package she began explaining how to properly apply one, "Use an unlubricated or flavored condom as lubricated or spermicide condoms taste awful, and put it in your mouth so that the reservoir tip is facing your throat. Then with your tongue take the reservoir tip and press it against the ridge behind your front teeth squeezing out any air," she demonstrated by placing the condom in her own mouth, "Next, place the condom on the end of a hard penis, if uncircumcised use your hands to pull foreskin back. With your lips, or ever so lightly with your teeth unroll condom over penis like so," Alexis demonstrated using the banana.

Snape was so shocked and frankly aroused that all he could do was stare. After Alexis had finished making the banana safe for sex, she began to discuss male masturbation. She demonstrated the proper method of handling a penis on the banana. Snape just sat there watching, until she began to discuss female masturbation and began to discuss stimulation of the nipples and manipulation of the clitoris.

"Enough," he roared, "there is no way that you are going to use this material."

"Too technical?" Alexis looked up at him.

"Too lewd!"

"What do you mean, Severus?" Alexis asked puzzled.

"The thing you did with the banana, and then discussing masturbation… what were you going to do next? Give them a demonstration?" Snape was incensed.

"Do you think I should?" Alexis asked with mock sincerity.

"No, of course I don't think…" Snape stopped and took a deep breath. Walking over to her he picked her up and slung her over his shoulder.

"What are you doing?" Alexis was wiggling trying to get down.

"You must be punished," Snape intoned.

"For what, you big ape?" Alexis was trying to see if she could reach his arse to pinch it.

"For trying to corrupt the morals of a major?" he replied.

"Don't you mean minor?" she said just as she managed to pinch him.

Snape responded by bouncing her on his shoulder, knocking some of the breath out of her, "No, you were trying to corrupt my morals and I am not a minor."

"Glad you finally caught on," Alexis wheezed out, "I thought I was going to have to strip down completely before you figured it out."

Snape slapped her butt for that one causing her to rear up in protest, "Hey, that hurt," she tried to rub the offended area but couldn't reach it at the angle he had her at.

Reaching the bed, Snape tossed her on it, "You haven't perused anything yet?" he leered before crawling into her welcoming arms.

George and Fred cornered Alexis in the halls the next morning on her way to breakfast, "Madame Snape," George called.

"We hear," Fred said.

"From a little bird," George added.

"That you are having some difficulty," Fred stated with a grin.

"Mastering the fine art of Apparating," George finished.

"So we would like to offer you," Fred bowed.

"For only a nominal charge," George rubbed his hands together.

"Our services as flight instructors," Fred bowed again.

"You want to teach me to fly a broom?" Alexis asked.

"Yes," George smiled.

"That is the general idea," Fred grinned.

"I thought you liked me," Alexis accused.

"We do," they chorused looking confused.

"You want to put me on a thin twig and make it rise in the air, Merlin knows how high, so that I can plummet to my death? That sounds as if you hate me," Alexis was white.

"Not so, my dear Madame Snape," George patted her arm.

"Flying is very safe, in fact according to the school records you were a superb chaser for the Gryffindor Quidditch team. We thought that it would be just a matter of reminding you what to do," Fred explained so concerned at Alexis' pallor that he and George stopped the twin speak routine.

Alexis was regaining some color. She patted their arms, "Thank you for the thought, boys, but I am going to pass."

Snape walked up and sneered at the Weasleys, "What are you passing on?"

"Fred and George offered to teach me to fly a broom," Alexis explained.

Snape looked at the two young men in front of him, "That actually is not a bad idea," as everyone looked at him in shock, "Not that these two walking pranks teach you, but that you learn. I will talk with Madame Hooch about giving you lessons." Snape took Alexis' arm and they headed into the Great Hall, ignoring her protests that she really didn't see why she should need to learn to fly.

Alexis found herself later that morning on the quad with Rolanda and a school broom. "Rolanda, I don't want to learn how to fly," Alexis was pleading.

"Nonsense, you were an excellent flyer. All you need to do is remind your muscles what to do," Rolanda assured her. "Now stand over the broom and say 'UP.'"

"Up," Alexis whispered.

"With force," Rolanda instructed, "and louder."

"Up," Alexis said barely above a whisper and jumped when the broom leaped into her hand, stinging her palm.

"Now, put a leg over it and when I blow my whistle kick off, hover for a moment, and then land," Rolanda said.

Alexis whimpered as she obeyed. The broom hovered for a moment before the front end slowly rose in the air and Alexis slid off the back to land with a thump on the ground.

"You have to hold it steady," Madame Hooch instructed, "now try again."

Alexis got up from the ground and brushed her bottom and then straightened her robes and tried to smooth her hair. "NOW!" Rolanda yelled causing Alexis to jump and give her a hurt look.

"Stop stalling."

Alexis got on the broom and hovered for a moment but before she could touch back down, the broom started forward a few feet. Alexis remember what had happened to Neville Longbottom, and she tried to jump off the broom only to have her robes catch on the handle. Before she could free herself, the broom started forward again and then started dragging her all over the quad.

Rolanda was trying to hit the broom with a spell to make it stop, but it was moving too erratically. Finally Alexis' robes ripped leaving her in a muddy heap on the ground.

Running over to her, Rolanda looked down at her, "Alexis, are you hurt?"

Alexis glared up at her, "If I'm not are you going to make me get on that thing again?"

"Well yes," Roland said, "When you fall off your broom you need to get right back up on it again."

"Then I am fatally injured and if you would just come back in about five minutes I should be gone," Alexis said solemnly.

Rolanda held out her hand, "I'm sure you would be gone, now get up and get back on that broom."

Alexis groaned as she allowed Hooch to pull her to her feet. Limping over to where the broom had finally stopped she went to kick the twigs, however before she could make contact the broom moved forward and she ended up flat on her back again.

Getting up, Alexis moved over beside the broom and stood next to it glaring. When it hadn't moved for a whole minute she went to swing her leg over it only to watch as it darted forward. She repeated this move several more times before giving up and leaping at the damn thing. She managed to grab the twigs and once again she was dragged all over the quad too stubborn to let go of the broom. The broom started to rise and Alexis' feet were soon dangling about five feet from the ground. There was an ominous cracking noise and Alexis closed her eyes as she felt the twigs she was clinging to start to bend and break.

Alexis was glad that the recent rain had left the ground soft as she lifted her mud covered face up out of the puddle she had landed in. Of course this time she had to land on her front. Looking over at Madame Hooch, Alexis was overjoyed to see that there was now a cluster of students assembled to bear witness to her humiliation.

Getting up and wringing muddy water out of her hair, Alexis stumped over to Rolanda who was standing next to the cursed broom which was hovering perfectly still at exactly the right height to be mounted. Grabbing the broom she handed it to Alexis, "Hurry up, I decided to combine your lesson with tutoring some of the students."

"Ain't that just peachy," Alexis gritted out as she tried to wipe the mud off of her face.

Madame Hooch had everyone line up to the left of their brooms, "Now this is a mixed bag. Some of you are having difficulties mastering your brooms while others of you have asked me to help you with specific problems you are experiencing and the rest of you want me to teach you more advanced flying moves." She was pacing up and down the line of students, "As I give you your instructions, you may practice carrying them out, while I move on to instruct the next student. By the time I have finished with the last student, it will be time for the first to return and get further instructions or corrections. Any questions? Good."

Alexis looked up as a snowy white handkerchief was held out to her. Looking over at the Good Samaritan, she saw it was Hermione Granger, "Thanks," wiping her face, "I'll replace this for you as soon as I can."

"That's ok," Hermione smiled nervously her eyes on Madame Hooch getting closer and closer.

Alexis could hear Hermione muttering, "I hate to fly. Why do you have to pass this class in order to graduate? Deep breaths. You can do this; you have read every book in the library on the theory of flight."

"Hermione, you are going to do fine," Alexis said encouragingly.

Looking her over, Hermione didn't look reassured, "How long have you been flying?"

"Too long," was Alexis' fervent reply which she hastily amended at Hermione's horrified look, "I haven't flown since I recovered last year. What I meant was too long today," she finished explaining.

Just then Rolanda arrived to instruct them, "Ladies, I want the two of you to practice getting on your brooms, hovering, moving forward about twenty feet and then touching back down."

Before they could respond she was hurrying to tell off a couple of third years who were racing each straight up into the sky.

"Hermione, why don't you go first," Alexis generously offered.

"Oh, I couldn't do that, Madame Snape, it wouldn't be respectful," Hermione was unusually quick on her feet today.

Alexis tried to stare Hermione down, but fear of flying was stronger than fear of a teacher and Hermione wasn't budging.

"Today Mrs. Snape and Miss Granger!" Hooch shouted at them from across the field.

"Together?" Alexis offered. Hermione nodded briefly and they both looked at their brooms with deep-seated suspicion.

"Up," they chorused. They exchanged a cautious grin as the brooms obediently slapped into their palms. Mounting the brooms they hovered for a moment and then touched back down. Pleased with their success Hermione said, "Now let's see about flying forward twenty feet."

Alexis nodded with grim determination not to let a bundle of twigs and wood get the best of her. Just as before, the brooms behaved perfectly. Alexis and Hermione were now hovering twenty feet away from where they had started. Alexis was starting to feel a little more at ease, grinning over at Hermione, she said, "Hey this is a piece of cake," just before her broom took off like a rocket.

Hermione desperately tried to get her broom to land, but it wouldn't respond. Hermione decided to jump off since she wasn't that high up, just as Alexis speed by on her out of control broom. Hermione's broom seemed to take this as some sort of challenge and with a strange hiccupping lurch it too took off.

Several of the students stopped what they were doing to stare in amazement as Madame Snape and Hermione Granger competed in some form of aerial follow the leader. They gasped in awe as Alexis executed a perfect barrel roll and clapped for Hermione as she exactly duplicated the tricky move.

When Alexis started doing loop-de-loops fifty feet in the air and Hermione followed right behind her, the cheers of encouragement were deafening. Madame Hooch looked up to see what all the fuss was about and stared in horror as Alexis began to fly upside down in a complicated pattern over and around the Quidditch goals at one end of the field and Hermione mirrored her at the opposing end.

Suddenly the two brooms shot off faster than any school broom had moved in recent memory. They were headed straight for a head on collision. It was happening too fast for anyone to do anything; everyone was staring in stunned silence. At the last possible moment, Alexis leaned so that she was flying with her right side parallel to the ground and Hermione leaned so that her left side was parallel to the ground and they passed each other with only centimeters to spare. The audience gasped in amazement before starting to yell, "AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN!"

The brooms turned at almost perfect right angels to shoot up into the air another fifty feet before arcing over and heading straight back down to the earth. Once again the crowd held their breath as they waited to see what the two daredevils would do now. The brooms stopped on a dime, a mere foot about a large mud puddle and the two riders slowly slid down the broom to land with a large splat face first in the muck. The crowd groaned their disappointment at the anti-climatic ending to the exciting performance.

Rolanda started breathing again as she hurried over to the puddle shouting over her shoulder, "Class dismissed." She could hear several of the students commenting on what they had just witnessed, "Do you think Hermione will teach me how to do a barrel roll?"

"I want Mrs. Snape to teach me how to fly upside down."

"That was cool but the trick where they went straight up into the air and then came back down, now that was really something to see, although they do need to work on their dismount."

The students' voices faded away as they headed back into the school.

Alexis lifted herself out of the mess and helped Hermione up. As one they pulled out their wands and cast a fire hex on the brooms that were bobbing up and down in the air as if they were laughing at them.

Alexis got a strange sense of satisfaction watching it burst into flames. When it was nothing but a pile of ash she put an arm around Hermione and they started limping back to the castle. Passing Rolanda who was staring at them in shock Alexis told her, "Buy the school forty new brooms, whatever type you want, and charge them to me. When you get them in, let me know because I plan on having a bonfire with the old ones."

"What about your lesson?" Rolanda shouted after her. "Hey, there's no need to be rude!"