Disclaimer: I hereby claim to not own anything.

Chapter 11 Dinner with the Doffs

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected."
- Red Buttons

Alexis settled down on one side of Darla while Amber sat on the other. Darla was still protesting at being dragged away from the men. "Darla, you have to learn who you can and cannot flirt with," Amber told her sternly, "and the husband of a jealous and vindictive witch is definitely a NOT."

Alexis grinned at the pouting young woman. "You are what, nineteen?" Darla nodded still sulking. "How long has it been since you've seen the Weasley boys?"

"Who?" Darla asked.

"Arthur and Molly Weasley's sons," Alexis looked at the bewildered girl.

"Daddy knows Arthur Weasley from work but I don't think I've met any of his sons," Darla said taking an interest in the conversation. "How many does he have?"

"Six," Alexis smirked. "And Amber has met them all."

Amber leaned back in her seat and pretended to study her nails as Darla started asking, "What do they look like? How old are they? Did they go to Hogwarts because I don't remember meeting any Weasleys at Beauxbatons?"

Amber just ignored the barrage of questions.

"Ber, if you don't start talking… I'll…" Darla looked around the room trying to think of a threat that would insure her sister's cooperation and inspiration struck, "I'll pull out the baby pictures."

That got Amber's immediate attention, "You wouldn't dare!"

"Talk then," Darla demanded.

It was Amber's turn to pout as she sulkily complied, wondering how to get around the charms her mother had used to protect the photo albums. Aurora had charmed them the first time she had caught her children trying to feed them to the fire. Now the albums and photos were fire proof, tear and crumple proof, and if you tried to take them out of the parlor, you would get a nasty shock. They had even tried throwing them through the doorway, but all that happened was the albums had bounced back off an invisible ward and broke Great-Aunt Gertrude's urn, scattering her ashes all over the floor. The urn had been easy to fix, a simple Reparo Charm, but the ashes were another matter. The old bat had insisted on being cremated on a funeral pyre like her Norse Ancestors. This resulted in a mountain of ashes and no way to separate Great-Aunt Gertie's ashes from the wood ashes, so all of them were dumped together in a fifty gallon drum of an urn. They had figured the top layer had to be Great-Aunt Gertie or it would have taken about ten of the urns to hold all of the ashes left from the pyre. Amber shuddered just thinking about how long it had taken them to clean up the ashes and get them back into the urn. She just hoped that no one would ever notice all the carpet fuzz that was now included in with the ashes.

Darla continued to question Alexis and Amber about the Weasley boys while Snape was conversing with Remus and the Doffs.

Steven had returned to quizzing Remus regarding Muggles. Remus had made the mistake of being able to answer one of his innumerable questions about Muggles so now Steven considered Remus an expert. "So, Remus, Muggles have so many different types of shops: Department Stores, Super Markets, Mega Stores and what are these Mauls I have heard about? They sound rather dangerous."

Remus looked at his future father-in-law who was staring at him intently, "Well Steven, I have noticed that myself," Remus glanced over at Amber hoping to be rescued. "I don't believe that the Mauls are as dangerous as they sound."

Snape was enjoying Remus' discomfort and so decided to add to it, "Remus, what do Muggles do at their Mauls?"

Steven nodded his approval at Snape's apparent interest in Muggles.

Remus gave Snape an 'I'll get you later look' before trying to answer, "I believe that they gather in large numbers there."

"But what do they actually do when they gather in such large numbers?" Snape goaded.

Alexis had left the two sisters discussing ways and means for Darla to meet the Weasley wizards. Sitting on the arm of Snape's chair, she joined the conversation, "Who gather in large numbers where?"

Steven answered her, "Remus was going to explain the purpose of Muggle Mauls and why they are not as dangerous as they sound."

Steven enthused, "I was in London last year and saw a telly-fusion show about Mauls when I passed one of their electwrisity shops. They had the telly-fusion on in the window. It is amazing what Muggles can do without magic. Their telly-fusion is similar to our paintings and photographs where everything moves. It is like a series of paintings or photos all in the same frame. I found it fascinating. The show seemed to be focusing on Mauls as homes for displaced zombies. It even had a part dealing with safety measures in dealing with zombies, including actual photos of a zombie revolt at one of the Mauls. It does give me hope for future Muggle-Wizard relations. If Muggles can be that understanding of zombies, especially considering how many Muggles were eaten during the revolt, then surely they can learn to get along with wizards amicably. After all, we won't eat them."

With extreme difficulty, Alexis controlled her facial expression; she desperately wanted to laugh at Steven thinking Dawn of the Dead was a documentary. "Actually, I believe that Muggles were using Zombies as a form of cheap night time security guards at the Mauls; however, as you saw on the telly-fusion, it just didn't work out. Too many customers were getting accidentally locked in at night and eaten."

Steven nodded thoughtfully, "That would be bad for business. The Ministry had to stop using zombies as night time security guards for the exact same reason."

Remus chimed in, "Yes, I remember my grandfather telling me about when he was a young boy, the villages would hire zombies to patrol at night. They didn't have the same problem with people getting eaten, just the zombies were so stupid and slow that they were constantly getting caught out after the sun came up. A dried out zombie is a horrible sight according to granddad. Truthfully, any zombie is a horrible sight, but even worse than a regular zombie is one that has been exposed to sun and heat."

Alexis tried to get the conversation back on target. She had noticed Farthley standing in the shadows. She could have sworn that when the conversation had turned to zombies eating people he had licked his lips. With a mental note to make sure to NEVER be alone with Farthley, she said to Remus, "I'm sorry to interrupt, you were explaining about how Muggles gather together to shop at the variety of stores that are contained under the roof of a Muggle Mall," she said politely.

"Yes," Remus gave Alexis a look of relief at her assistance while Snape gave her one of reproach for ruining his fun.

"Muggles gather in large numbers at their Mauls in order to shop. Many different shopkeepers maintain premises at the Mauls. That way, Muggles don't have to go to many different areas in order to make a variety of purchases," Remus had watched as Alexis nodded as if encouraging him to continue his explanation.

"Ahhh, now I understand, it is just another way for Muggles to shop," Steven sighed in disappointment. "If it wasn't a home for displaced zombies I assumed from the name it to be some type of Gladiatorial Arena where two Muggle Champions would Muggle duel. Alexis, are you also interested in Muggles?" Steven was always looking for someone who shared his passion.

Alexis smiled, "I do find them interesting," she admitted with twinkling eyes, wondering what Steven would say if he knew that he was actually talking to a thirty-something Muggle inhabiting the body of a twenty-something witch.

"So if Mauls are Muggle shopping centers, how do Strip Mauls fit in?" Steven asked intently.

Remus choked on his drink, Snape started coughing to hide his insane desire to actually laugh and Alexis bit her lip hard before turning an innocently questioning look on Remus, "Yes, Remus, I have never fully understood the purpose of Strip Mauls myself?"

Farthley appeared from the shadows and managed to wheeze out, "Dinner is served," thus saving Remus from having to answer.

Aurora touched Snape's arm to get his attention, "Severus, dear, I sense that you are concerned about something. I just wanted you to know that I will focus on you the next time I scry and perhaps the spirits will be kind enough to reveal to me the solution to your problem."

Snape managed to reply, "Thank you. Any assistance is appreciated."

Aurora smiled at his response. Not many people were as open and accepting as he to assistance from the beyond.

The couples rose and still chatting headed into the dining room. Alexis and Snape stopped abruptly upon seeing a traditional Asian dinning table surrounded by low cushions. Everyone else seemed to be taking it in stride, so Alexis headed over to the cushion Aurora had indicated. Snape came up behind her and was trying to figure out how to politely seat his wife. Exchanging looks, they both shrugged and managed to lower themselves without looking too clumsy.

Aurora smiled at her guests, "The spirits are so much more receptive if we follow the ancient customs."

Farthley brought in a large bottle wrapped in a linen napkin. It was the strangest wine bottle Alexis had ever seen. When Farthley poured the first glass for Steven, Alexis couldn't believe the dark caramel colored fizzy drink coming out of the bottle. Noticing Alexis' interest Steven smiled, "I have a treat for us. This is drink that is very popular with Muggles. I have managed to obtain a few bottles of it and only serve it when we have something to celebrate. It is non-alcoholic so that Amber can partake."

Alexis nodded with a smile, "I am looking forward to trying it." Alexis watched Snape closely as he cautiously brought the bubbling beverage up to his nose. Before she could stop him, he had taken a big sniff and immediately started coughing as he inhaled the carbonation bubbles. When he recovered, he put the glass back on the table and regarded it with dark suspicion. Alexis picked up her glass and sipped from it almost gagging at the syrupy taste of warm cola.

A maid entered the room carrying the first course of a beef and barley soup. Placing her napkin on her lap, Alexis looked for her silverware only to see chopsticks and a paper-wrapped drinking straw instead. Looking from her soup to her chopsticks she decided to see how her hostess was going to handle eating her soup.

After everyone had been served, the Doffs all picked up their straws and removed the paper wrapping. Steven noticed that their guests were not eating, "A friend of mine brought me these Muggle devices. He got them at a Muggle eating establishment. They are perfect for eating soup," he demonstrated by placing his straw into the soup and gently sipping the hot liquid.

Remus and Snape nodded as they too began to drink their soup. Alexis' hands were trembling slightly as she unwrapped her straw. She was trying not to remember the time her mother had scolded her for doing this very thing when she was five. Before she could take her first sip of soup, Darien sputtered, looking at her he explained, "You have to be careful or the bigger pieces get stuck in the tube and block it."

"Thank you for the instruction," Alexis replied.

When the straws were clogged more than they were clear, Aurora rang for the next course, roast beef with vegetables. After Steven had carved the roast, the maid began to serve it. Alexis was wondering if she could perform a sticky charm on the chopsticks so that the food would stay on them until she could get it to her mouth. The food smelled wonderful and she was very hungry.

Aurora picked up her chopsticks, "I was amazed when I saw these tiny wands that the Muggles used to eat with and just had to buy some. I decided that this was the perfect occasion to use them for the first time. I was saving them for a special dinner."

"They are very pretty," Alexis complimented looking at the black lacquered sticks with inlaid mother of pearl.

Snape picked up one of the sticks and pointed it at his food and waited. When nothing happened he shook the stick and then tried a swish and flick: still nothing. Remus had resorted to poking his potato with the end of the stick and eating it off of the point. Darien and Darla saw what Remus was doing and began to copy him.

Soon everyone at the table was poking their food with the pointed end of one of the chopsticks and eating that way. Alexis decided to go with the flow and poked and ate with the rest of them.

"I don't understand why they give you two wands," Aurora said as the main course was cleared.

"Perhaps it is a desert wand," Amber offered.

Her mother's eyes brightened at that until she remembered that she was serving banana pudding for dessert.

After licking the pudding off of the chop sticks, they all returned to the parlor to discuss Amber and Remus' wedding plans. Aurora had approved of almost everything Snape had arranged; it was mainly a matter of firming up the guest lists and travel arrangements.

Remus' list was short, but Amber's more than made up for it. The Doff's had a large extended family and feelings would be hurt if everyone wasn't invited.

The guest list was finalized at one hundred and twenty-five: twenty-five from Remus and one hundred from Amber. It would have been a much longer list, but all of the Ministry people they normally would have invited, were left off for obvious reasons.

Farthley appeared with a tea and coffee trolley that also contained a large crystal ball. Aurora asked, "Amber, would you pour while I get ready to gaze into the orb. I want to check and make sure that we are prepared for any obstacles that may come our way."

"Of course, mother," Amber poured everyone coffee. When Alexis went to say something, Amber whispered, "Trust me, you do NOT want to drink tea with my mother. Unless you want your tea leaves read?"

"Coffee with cream and sugar please," Alexis replied quickly and Snape quickly seconded.

Everyone politely waited while Aurora consulted her crystal ball, "Ahhh, Remus, Amber, I see a very happy future for you with many children. Your first child will be a little girl. You will enjoy a long and close friendship with Alexis and Snape. Your children will be close friends. Alexis, Snape, I see some more children in your future as well. How unfortunate," Aurora's paused, "well, I suppose it was too much to hope that none of your offspring would inherit the nose," Alexis squeezed Snape's hand while biting her lip. "He also inherits your intelligence, Severus, as well as your nose and Alexis' sense of humor so he is a very popular individual with many friends." Aurora paused again before looking up at Alexis, "Dear, you are an old soul in a young body." After another moment, "That is all the crystal has to show us for tonight."

Darien walked up to Snape, "Professor, if you have finished your coffee, perhaps you would be able to look at my potion?"

Snape looked to Steven and Aurora for permission. Upon their nods of approval, he rose to his feet, "Very well. Show me what you are working on."

Remus got the feeling Steven was going to start asking him more questions about Muggles, "Severus, Darien, perhaps if I could join you?"

Darien barely glanced back from his intense conversation with Snape to wave a hand in agreement. Remus hastily excused himself and hurried after the others. Steven noticing that he was going to be left alone in a room full of women making wedding plans, quickly excused himself with a mumbled explanation.

Aurora smirked, "Now that we are alone, Amber, I want to know something."

"Yes, mum?" Amber answered.

"I've always wanted to know, is it true what they say about werewolves?" At Amber's puzzled look. "That they are real animals in the sack, almost insatiable and with incredible stamina?"

Alexis choked on the sip of coffee she had just taken. When she had regained her breath, "Yes, Amber, tell us all about it. Don't consider any detail too small or trivial."

Amber just shook her head at her mother, "Well, to be honest, small and trivial are not words I think of when I think of Remus in the sack," she primly reached over and helped herself to a biscuit off the tea trolley and sat back with a smug look.

"Do go on," Aurora and Alexis encouraged while Darla looked embarrassed and intrigued at the same time.

When the men returned about an hour later, they found a group of flushed and giggling ladies in the parlor. Snape and Remus both grew uncomfortable at the appraising looks they were now receiving. "Do you get the feeling that we may have been a topic of conversation?" Remus quietly asked Snape.

Snape nodded briefly, "And I don't think we want to know the context of our inclusion in the conversation. Alexis, it is late and we have classes tomorrow."

"Yes dear. Aurora, I have had a wonderful time. We must get together soon," Alexis said warmly to her hostess.

Everyone got up, "Darien, go let your father know that our guests are leaving," Aurora instructed her son.

Hugs and promises to get together again were exchanged as Snape and Alexis retrieved their wraps. In the general confusion of their leaving, Aurora whispered to Snape, "He is returning soon. I have seen it. Trust Alexis. She loves you very much and is stronger than you think. You are stronger than you think and your aura isn't as black as you believe. One night, not too long in the past, you had three dreams: the first represented your apprehension regarding Alexis; the second your apprehension regarding your children; and the last is a promise of a future possibility. Hold that promise close when things look the darkest. "

Snape gave her a long hard look before surprising them both by pressing a quick kiss to her cheek, "Thank you." With one last look into Aurora's eyes, Snape helped his wife into her wrap and they began their journey home.

Alexis smiled up at Snape, "I don't know why people say the Doff's are odd," and they both Apparated to the gates of Hogwarts, Snape going first so Alexis could follow him, and then began their walk home.