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AN: See Story Summary. Thanks to all who are reading and huge hugs and kisses to those who review.

Chapter 16 Payback is Hell

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn't.

A sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is.

Horace Walpole

Snape finished taking care of the Jerk-o-Lantern and on his way back to his quarters called a house elf to clean up Alexis' office. When he entered the bathroom where Alexis was disrobing in order to start cleaning up, he was careful to hide his smirk, "Are you feeling better now?"

Alexis started and looked behind him, "Did you kill it, Severus?"

"Yes, it is gone. You have nothing to worry about," he told her while privately thinking, at least for a little while.

Alexis smiled at him in relief before asking with a leer, "Do you have time to help me clean up?" running her fingers up to the top fastening of his robes.

"Well, maybe a quick cleanup," he smirked at her before stripping down and joining her in the shower.

Alexis came out of the bathroom toweling her hair dry with a very satisfied smile on her face. Slinky had the boys on a blanket on the floor. Alexis flushed bright red as she thought back to some of the things she had just screamed out. Slinky looked over at her and just grinned a toothy grin, "The young masters have to spend some time on the floor or they will not learn to crawl. Too many people are holding them too many times," he scolded her. Star was curled up on the very edge of the blanket keeping a watchful eye on Slinky and the boys. She was absolutely fascinated by the babies and Slinky had a hard time keeping her from getting in his way.

Snape came out of the bedroom dressed in fresh black robes and with a quick kiss to Alexis headed to his next class.

Alexis decided to work in the sitting room. She wasn't ready to face her office yet. Visions of prurient pumpkins kept floating in front of her eyes. Slinky brought her a sandwich as she had missed lunch being busy cleaning up.

A knock interrupted Alexis' review of her lesson plan. Waving for Slinky to stay with the boys, she got up to answer the door. Remus was standing in the hallway looking lost, "Remus, did I mix up the days and miss our lesson?" Alexis asked as she stood back to let him in.

"No," Remus said without his usual smile. "I need your advice."

"Of course. Anything I can do, you know I will," Alexis assured him as she offered him a seat.

Slinky had taken the boys into the nursery to give them some privacy.

"It's Amber. I don't think she loves me anymore. She says she does and most of the time she acts like she does, but, well… things haven't been what they were," Remus said blushing. "I was wondering if she had said anything to you?"

Alexis shook her head, "Only how happy she is with you and how much she loves you."

"This is embarrassing, but I don't know who else to ask," Remus said looking at Alexis. "But when Amber was first pregnant she was very loving. I mean REALLY loving and now it is like someone hit a switch and turned her off."

Alexis was staring into the fireplace trying to think how to handle this. Finally she asked, "When did you notice the change? I mean did she start doing anything differently… other than that?"

"I can't really think of anything that changed," Remus said thinking hard.

"Did she change her diet, her sleep patterns, anything that might have caused this reaction?" Alexis was trying to point the way.

"She added chocolate to her diet and a few other things, but nothing strange. She is getting plenty of sleep. The only thing I can think of is she started taking that pre-natal potion Severus gave her. But you took that and it didn't change you that way, did it?" Remus asked anxiously.

"The potion Severus prepares for Amber is slightly different from the one he prepared for me," Alexis said cautiously. "He makes it in chocolate flavor for Amber."

"Didn't he make it in chocolate flavor for you?" Remus asked remembering all the whining Alexis had done about craving chocolate.

"No, he told me he couldn't make it in chocolate flavor," Alexis said giving him a steady look wondering if the lack of physical stimulation was affecting Remus' intelligence. After all, the blood was being directed away from his brain depriving it of much needed oxygen.

"Then how could he make it for Amber in that flavor?" Remus asked confused.

"He added an ingredient to her potion. Perhaps it changed something," Alexis offered with a significant look. She could almost see the light bulb go off over Remus' head as he finally caught on.

"That bastard! And then he gave me the Viagerus potion to take on our honeymoon," Remus was clenching his hands into white knuckled fists.

"He did what?" Alexis asked trying not to giggle.

"He gave me a bottle of Viagerus potion before we left, saying since it was our honeymoon, I might need it. It was the LAST thing I needed, let me tell you," Remus said adamantly. "You've got to help me."

"Do what?" Alexis looked at him wide-eyed.

"Get him back of course," Remus said as if that were the only logical action.

"You want me to help you arrange and execute a plan of revenge against my own husband, the man I love and respect above all others, the father of my children, my soul mate?" Alexis grinned at him.

"Yes," Remus replied succinctly.

"I just wanted to make sure I was clear on that. What do you have in mind?" Alexis smirked.

"No, I won't do anything that will permanently scar Severus," Alexis told Remus for the fifth time.

"It would only be a small scar and it would only be noticeable when he took his pants off," Remus urged.

"NO! And you cannot tattoo across his arse 'Snape is a poopoo head'. Not only is that childish but I happen to like his arse as it is," Alexis told the frustrated man.

"How about if I just paint it across his arse?" Remus asked hopefully.

"Maybe, but not in permanent paint, it would have to come off after a couple of washes," Alexis warned him, "and what is it with you and Amber and shaving people bald, painting them blue, stripping them naked and locking them outside? Sheesh, that is what Amber wanted to do to Fred and George."

"What's the fun in not using permanent paint? And when you come up with a good idea, you don't just abandon it due to some technical difficulties," Remus exclaimed. "Look, you come up with something then. You came up with all those Valentine's pranks, I would think coming up with one small act of revenge would be easy for you."

"What Valentine's pranks?" Alexis asked trying to appear innocent.

"Don't give me that. I know you were responsible for Severus' Valentine's Day Massacre," Remus told her while racking his brain for something to do to Snape.

"How do you know that?"

"Severus told me."

"How did he find out?"

Remus smirked at her, "You told him."

"When?" Alexis asked indignantly.

"The night of Amber's party, you got sloshed and told him," Remus was grinning at her now.

Alexis' mind was racing, "He was the one behind the mad jack-o-lantern. That great git! Acting like he was rescuing me from his own twisted creation. Okay, now we really have to get him."

"That is what I have been saying all along," Remus complained.

Alexis shut him up with one look and began to plot and plan.

The plan really was rather simple. They were surprised they hadn't thought of it before, now all they had to do was see it through…

Remus found Snape in the Potion's classroom cleaning up before heading to dinner, "Severus, I need some more of the Viagerus potion."

"You need some more Viagerus potion? I thought you said that all you and Amber used your hotel room for was to sleep?" Snape looked surprised.

"Severus, don't tell me you are so plebeian that you and Alexis have never been a bit adventuresome in the locals you chose?" Remus waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "I mean limiting oneself to just a hotel room, how absolutely boring."

Snape huffed. He was not boring and he had the painting to prove it. He bet Remus had never painted a masterpiece on Amber with edible body paint. But something wasn't right here. "Does Amber need anymore of the pre-natal potion? I might as well brew her some if I am going to brew you some more Viagerus," Snape offered casually.

"Not that I know of, in fact she accidentally forgot to take it with her on the trip and so she still the last batch you made for her." Remus said cheerfully. "Speaking of Amber she wanted me to ask you something."

"What?" Snape said shortly.

"She wanted some ideas on what to get Alexis for her birthday," Remus told him.

"Alexis' birthday?" Snape had a deer in the headlights look.

"Don't tell me you forgot her birthday? AGAIN?" Remus asked smirking at him in a Snape-worthy manner.

"What do you mean again?" Snape sneered.

"Well you forgot it last year and it looks like you forgot it again this year?" Remus needled him.

Snape was frantically searching his brain trying to remember when exactly Alexis' birthday was, "I have not forgotten it," he stated firmly, "I just haven't gotten around to planning for it yet."

"You really like to wait until the last minute," Remus said with a hint of admiration in his voice, "I mean her first birthday after your marriage and you are waiting until two days before it to plan anything. Nothing like working under a little bit of pressure."

Snape did some quick calculations. Friday, he thought, her birthday is Friday. But what do I get her?

Remus was enjoying himself. Watching the vague look of panic flicker in Snape's eyes, "I mean, when she told Amber she had never had a surprise party Amber thought about throwing her one, but with you being her husband and all, Amber figured you would want to handle that."

"A surprise party?" Snape looked a Remus hoping he had heard him incorrectly.

"Yes, Alexis said she has never had a surprise party before in her whole life. Of course with her having been in a coma all those years, she didn't have a party at all during that time. And then you forgot her birthday last year, so you really need to do something special to make it up to her," Remus urged.

"She really wants a surprise party?" Snape asked again.

Remus just nodded his head.

"A small intimate gathering of just the four of us?" Snape pulled quill and parchment over to begin making notes.

"Severus, Severus, Severus," Remus gave Snape a look filled with pity. "Do you really think that having a party with just the four of us is going to make up for all those she missed all those years she was comatose and make up for the fact that your forgot her birthday last year?"

"The four of us and the rest of the staff?" Snape tried, Remus shook his head in denial. "The four of us, the rest of the staff, the Weasleys and the Doffs?"

Remus continued to shake his head while Snape said, "The four of us, the rest of the staff, a few of the students and the Weasleys and the Doffs?"

"Well, that would be the absolute minimum you could get away with. If you want her to think you only love her that much, I guess you could do that?" Remus said doubtfully.

"The whole bloody school and everyone in the wizarding world that we have even briefly spoken to more than once?" Snape gritted out.

"Do you think you could arrange that in less than three days?" Remus said looking impressed.

Snape just buried his face in his hands wondering how the day that had started so nicely was now ending up so badly. Snape looked up with renewed hope, "Narcissa Malfoy," he said grabbing a fresh sheet of parchment.

"What about Narcissa?" Remus asked.

"She can throw together a surprise party for Alexis in a day and a half. Why didn't I think of that sooner?" Snape was smirking.

"I guess that would work," Remus looked doubtful.

"Why would it not work?" Snape snarled.

"Do you really want Alexis to know that you had another woman plan her surprise birthday party? I mean doesn't that just shout out that you forgot her birthday and had to call in the Calvary?"

Snape was ready to hex Remus, "Either come up with something constructive or get the hell out of my dungeons," he growled.

"That's a nice way to talk to someone who is trying to help you," Remus said indignantly.

"Well then actually say something that is going to help me," Snape hissed.

"I don't think you are really going to be able to arrange a surprise party in the time you have," Remus said shaking his head.

"Then do you have any actual suggestions that I could actually use?" Snape sneered.

"Hey, I was coming to you for suggestions. She's your wife after all. I mean you should know her better than anyone else," Remus said pointedly.

Snape snarled at him.

"Well, I guess I can tell you what I did for Amber's birthday. She really enjoyed it," Remus smiled as though he was remembering how she had expressed her appreciation.

"Well?" Snape sniped, "What did you do?"

"She turned twenty-five so I got her twenty-five roses in her favorite color of lavender. I took her out to a nice dinner in Hogsmeade. Then when we got back to the house I had a box of Huneydukes best chocolates and a bottle of champagne waiting. The bed was covered in rose petals and there were candles everywhere," Remus reminisced.

"Alexis will be twenty-two this year and the delegations from the other schools will be arriving that night so I don't think I could arrange to have the night off to take her to London for a nice dinner. But maybe I could arrange to have the next night off and take her to a nice little bed and breakfast. But what about the boys?" Snape said thinking aloud.

"Amber and I will be happy to take the boys for the night," Remus offered. "After all you did for our wedding it is the least we can do."

Snape looked at Remus, "Thank you, Remus." Snape almost felt guilty about the pre-natal potion. Almost.

Friday morning arrived and Snape had everything planned and in place. Remus had been a tremendous help in arranging everything. Snape didn't know how he would have managed to do it all without his help.

He escorted Alexis into the Great Hall. A quick glare at his house table had all the Slytherins standing up. Alexis looked from them to Snape who was giving her a small smirk. He nodded at his students and reluctantly and off key they began to sing:

"Happy Birthday, now you're one year older.
Happy Birthday, your life still isn't over.
Happy Birthday, you did not accomplish much.
But you didn't die this year I guess that's good enough.

So let's drink to your fading health, and hope you don't remind yourself
your chance of finding fame and wealth decrease with every year.
Does it feel like your doing laps, and eating food and taking naps,
and hoping that some day, perhaps, your life will hold some cheer.

Happy Birthday, what have you done that matters?
Happy Birthday, you're starting to get fatter.
Happy Birthday, it's downhill from now on.
Try not to remind yourself your best years are all gone.

Happy Birthday, you wish you had more money.
Happy Birthday, your life's so sad it's funny.
Happy Birthday, how much more can you take?
But your friends are hungry so just cut the stupid cake.

Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Dear Madame Snape."

Alexis' smile looked more like a grimace as she nodded at the Slytherins who were sneering at the rest of the students daring them to say anything. Alexis cleared her throat several times before getting out, "Thank you, please return to your breakfast."

The students complied with relief as Snape escorted Alexis to her seat at the head table. Alexis noticed that there were balloons attached to the back of her usual chair and a pile of gaily wrapped gifts waiting on her. Snape pulled out her chair and helped her sit down before motioning to Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, Zambini, and Parkinson who approached the table each carrying a basket overflowing with roses in every color that roses come in.

"Happy birthday," Draco smirked as he handed her the basket of roses. Alexis pulled him down to kiss his cheek.

"Thank you," she mumbled.

Each of the Slytherins repeated the birthday wish and presented her with their basket of roses. Crabbe and Goyle almost tripped over themselves when Alexis kissed their cheeks as well. The presentation finished, Snape sent them back to their seats at the Slytherin table. Snape looked unbearably smug as he said loud enough for everyone in the hall to hear, "Happy Birthday, Alexis."

All the girls in the hall were sighing at the romance of it all. Who would have thought that Professor Snape would have it in him to do something so romantic? In fact it looked as if Mrs. Snape was about to cry she was so happy.

"Thank you, Severus," Alexis said quietly. In fact it was just loud enough that if the hall hadn't been so quiet waiting on her response to this grand gesture no one but her immediate neighbors at the head table would have been able to hear the rest of her comments. But everyone was holding their breath waiting and wondering what someone could possibly say to express their gratitude, "However, it would have been nice if you had remembered my birthday last year."

Her comments were quickly passed to the back of the room in hurried whispers. Snape was now getting looks of disgust and pity. He could hear the waves of comments flowing out over the room… he forgot her birthday last year!

Alexis had her face buried in her flowers. Minerva reached over and handed her a handkerchief. Snape looked at Minerva who just sniffed at him before putting a comforting arm around Alexis.

"Severus, you really must love me to have done all this for my birthday. Especially since you didn't do anything to remember it last year," Alexis was dabbing at her eyes. Poppy had gotten up and was patting her comfortingly on the back while giving Snape dirty looks.

Alexis got up and threw her arms around the startled Potions Master, "The only thing that could have made it even better is if you had actually done it for me on my birthday which was yesterday," Alexis sobbed out loud enough for the whole hall to hear.

"Yesterday?" Snape was awkwardly patting her back.

"Yes, October 29th is actually my birthday," Alexis covered her face with the handkerchief and ran out of the hall with her shoulders shaking.

A renewed mutter ran through the hall, "He got her birthday wrong! After completely forgetting it last year!"

Snape stormed out of the hall furious. He was going to find that mangy wolf and Alexis would have a wolf skin rug for her birthday.

Snape flooed Remus and snarled at him, "Lupin!"

"What can I do for you this morning, Severus?" Remus asked smiling.

"You can explain to me why you told me Alexis' birthday is today when it was actually yesterday?" Snape snarled.

"I never told you her birthday was today," Remus defended himself.

"You told me Wednesday, that her birthday was in two days. That would mean that her birthday would be TODAY!"

"Not at all, Severus," Remus explained calmly. "Wednesday was day one and Thursday would have been day two."

"Only if you are a complete moron," Snape sneered.

"There is no reason to be insulting because YOU messed up YOUR wife's birthday," Remus said coolly.

Snape was almost incoherent in his rage. Taking a deep breath he growled, "You will meet me in my office today at lunch time and help me fix this mess that you have gotten me into," Snape pulled back out of the flames before Remus could protest.