Disclaimer: I still don't own it.

Chapter 17 You Say It's Your Birthday

"The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused."
- Shirley Maclaine

Snape was on his way to teach his first class when Draco Malfoy stopped him in the hall, "Professor?"

"What?" Snape snarled.

Draco held out a bit of parchment, "Here's the name of father's jeweler. If you tell him I sent you he will give you a good price on a little something for Mrs. Snape," at Snape's glower. "It's what father does whenever he forgets mother's birthday."

Snape watched as Draco turned and headed to his first class. Looking down at the paper in his hand he carefully stowed it in an inside pocket of his robes.

It was midmorning and Snape had a free period. There was a very timid knock on his office door, "Enter," was the unwelcoming growl.

The door cautiously crept open and to Snape's immense surprise Neville Longbottom was standing there trembling, "Ppprrroofffeessor Snape," he managed to stutter out.

"What is it, Mr. Longbottom?" Snape sneered.

"I thought… well I just remember… I mean I know…" Neville was still hovering in the doorway.

"Spit it out, Mr. Longbottom, I don't have all day," Snape spat out.

"I-forgot-my-grans-birthday-one-time-and-she-forgave-me-when-I-gave-her-some-of-her-favorite-flowers," Neville said all in one breath. He pulled a large bunch of snap dragons out from behind his back and held them out to Snape. "I heard Mrs. Snape tell Professor Sprout that snap dragons are her favorite. When I saw some in bloom at the Green House, I asked if I could have them. Here," Neville thrust them toward Snape.

Snape took the bunch noticing that they had been carefully wrapped in paper and a bow tied around them, "Why?"

"They're her favorites," Neville said looking confused.

"No why would you…" Snape trailed off unable to finish his question.

"Oh, well I've had lots of practice apologizing for forgetting stuff so I thought this was one time I might be able to…" it was Neville's turn to trail off.

Snape looked at Neville before nodding once, "Five points to Gryffindor, Mr. Longbottom. Now get out of my office."

Neville gave him a small grin before leaving.

Snape left his office to begin teaching his second class. Tension was high in the sixth year Gryffindor-Slytherin double potions classroom. Snape noticed that instead of being split by house, his room was now split by gender. All the females were seated on one side of the room; still mainly by house affiliation, while all the males were seated on the opposite side of the room.

The boys were giving him looks of sympathy while the girls were glaring daggers at him. Snape thought to himself, This is going to be a long day.

Lunch time finally arrived. Snape had been sending notes to Alexis all day and had looked for her between his classes. She was nowhere to be found and all the notes were returned unanswered. When Remus knocked on the door, Snape jerked him inside and slammed the door behind him, "What took you so long?" he demanded.

"It is just lunch time," Remus told him.

"You have got to fix this mess that you caused," Snape told him.

"I caused?" Remus asked indignantly.

"Yes, you," Snape was adamant. "If you had been more specific about the actual date of her birthday this never would have happened."

"Well, I will admit to feeling slightly as though an extremely miniscule amount of this could possibly, maybe, be partially my fault," Remus conceded. "So I talked to Alexis before I came to see you."

"What? Where is she?" Snape demanded.

"Hmmm? Oh she, Amber, and Darien are holed up in an old Potion's classroom about three doors down from here," Remus told him.

Snape immediately headed for the door. "Where do you think you're going?" Remus asked him.

"To see my wife," Snape stated one hand already on the doorknob.

"She won't see you yet," Remus informed him, "and they have locked and warded the door."

"Why not?" Snape hissed.

"Alexis wants you to be proud of her. So she is working on something for your birthday. When is your birthday by the way?" Remus questioned.

"Never mind about my birthday; what is Alexis working on?" Snape snarled.

"Oh, she had Darien bring over all sorts of potion's books. She found one that she is going to make. They wouldn't tell me what it is supposed to do, but Darien said it was really complicated. And I think Amber mentioned something about lust… or was it dust… anyway Alexis is determined to do this for you. Darien said that some of the ingredients are really rare and hard to come by. You would probably be the only one who would know where to get them," Remus finished.

"Are you sure Amber and Darien are going to be helping her brew this potion?" Snape insisted.

"Yes, they made her promise not to try anything without them both being there," Remus said, "Why?"

"Because Alexis has trouble brewing coffee, much less a complicated potion," Snape hissed.

"But she made those potions for me last Christmas," Remus contradicted.

"Poppy made those potions while Alexis handed her the ingredients, AND Poppy had to watch what Alexis handed her because twice she gave her the wrong ingredients," Snape sighed. "Alexis understands the how and the why of potions, she just can't put it all together. She came up with the idea for making the potion for you, and she worked out what ingredients would work the best. She just couldn't brew them together to save her life."

Remus nodded his understanding. Amber was wonderful at everything but cooking. She couldn't boil water either the magical or the Muggle way. The last time she had made him breakfast, Remus had to pour his omelet into the African violet pot sitting on the kitchen table. Then he had to replace the plant after it keeled over.

"Do you have the list of ingredients she needs?" Snape sneered.

"Yes, hold on a minute," Remus pulled a piece of parchment out of his pocket. "One box of chococrocs, one," Snape interrupted.

"What the hell are chococrocs?" he wanted to know.

"It says here, chocolate covered crocodiles. They cannot be more than two feet in length and the chocolate coating has to have been applied during the dark of the moon on the first Saturday of any month beginning with a 'J'."

"And she needs a whole box of them?" Snape asked. When Remus nodded, "How do you get chocolate covered crocodiles into a box?"

Remus referred to his parchment. "Very carefully," he read.

Snape nodded, "What else?"

"A dead ghost," Remus read from the list.

"What in the world is a dead ghost? I mean a ghost is already dead so how can you have a dead one?" Snape was getting even more frustrated.

"It is the final ecto-plasmic essence of a ghost that is crossing over. You have to collect it in a special flask or it will dissipate," Remus lectured. "Perhaps you can talk The Bloody Baron into crossing over? I mean after all he has been haunting Hogwarts for eons."

Snape glared at him. Remus shrugged, "Perhaps you can convince Binns it is time for him to retire?"

Snape growled. "I'm trying to help you!" Remus gave him an innocent look.

"Then explain to me exactly where Alexis came up with all these ingredients? I have been teaching potions for fourteen years and I haven't heard of them before," Snape demanded.

"It is a really old, old, old potions book that Darien found while he was a student at Beauxbatons. In fact, although he won't admit it, he may have nicked it from the school library," Remus continued. "It is so old that it is actually written in a French dialect that neither Darien nor Amber are familiar with. So the translation may be slightly off."

"So you don't even know if these are real ingredients?" Snape accused.

"Darien is positive that these translations are correct," Remus assured him. "Well at least ninety-five percent positive. But that is close to completely positive."

Snape started rubbing the bridge of his nose, "Are there any other ingredients?"

"Just a few more," Remus told him, "The breast feather of a dodo bird."

"But dodos are extinct, how am I to get a breast feather?" Snape sniped.

"That is one translation that Darien is only about seventy-five percent sure of," Remus confessed, "it could actually be the dress leathers of a day old Kurd."

"WHAT?"

"Kurd's wrap their babies in leather dresses. It is a practice that went out of fashion about two hundred years ago," Remus said. "Alexis wants both if you can get them, just to be on the safe side."

"Spanish Moss from a cypress tree collected under the light of a waxing moon while standing naked in wooden shoes," Remus went on.

"I beg your pardon?" Snape said.

"That is the last ingredient Alexis needs you to get for her," Remus told him.

"How sure is Darien of that translation?" Snape asked dryly.

"He is one hundred percent sure of it," Remus grinned. "Well everything but the naked in wooden shoes part that is."

"So perhaps I could remain clothed while collecting this specimen?" Snape asked flatly.

"Not exactly, he is sure that you have to be naked. He just not sure if they are wooden shoes or with no shoes," Remus said apologetically.

Snape just groaned.

The last class of the day was dismissed early so that the delegations for the Tri-Wizard Tournament could be welcomed properly. Snape was gathering his stuff together wondering how he was going to be able to obtain the ingredients he needed. The sound of a throat clearing had him looking up to see Blaise Zambini waiting, "What is it, Mr. Zambini?"

"Professor Snape, I don't know if you realize it or not, but my family owns Fantastic Furriers," Blaise told him proudly.

"And why would that interest me?" Snape asked coldly.

"Because I have arranged for you to purchase any fur in the store at cost plus five percent. I was thinking a nice present like that might go a long way to smoothing things over with Mrs. Snape." Blaise gave him a wink, "Us men have to stick together after all."

Nodding briefly and wishing that a simple purchase could really smooth things over, Snape told him, "Thank you. You had better hurry or you will be late."

Before he could leave, Snape was interrupted again. This time by Ginny Weasley, "What is it Miss Weasley?" Snape sneered.

Ginny gave him a long look before saying, "Dad has forgotten mum's birthday and their anniversary loads of times. Now one of us makes sure to remind him, but mum always forgave him. After making him suffer some," Ginny grinned. "I just thought you needed to know you aren't the only one who forgets."

Snape didn't have a chance to say anything before Ginny had left the room. Snape could feel a massive headache coming on. He had known that being married would involve some changes and compromises: but, he had never even entertained the thought that he might actually be the object of sympathy for any of his students. It was insufferable. He was willing to sacrifice a lot to make Alexis happy, but his pride and dignity must remain intact. He must have the fear of his students in order to maintain control in the classroom. He would just have to show them that he didn't need their gestures. Snape straightened up, holding his head high; he could smooth things over with his wife without anyone's assistance. He was strong, intelligent and able. Striding from the classroom Snape felt better able to handle whatever else might come at him.

Moments later he came hurrying back in and disappeared into the store room. Emerging he was carrying a large bouquet of Snap dragons and pulling a slightly crumpled piece of parchment from his pocket. Waste is a terrible sin, he thought self-righteously.