Disclaimer: I don't claim it, although I would really, really like to.

AN: Kudos to Midnight Lily and Steve2. Couldn't continue to do it without their marvelous input and editing.

Chapter 19 What the heck?

"Women and cats will do as they please. Men and dogs had better get used to it."
- Robert Heinlein

Snape was snide that night as he and Alexis returned to their quarters after the Halloween Feast. "Potter," he spat out as if ridding his mouth of something nasty, "I should have known that somehow the Boy Who Gets Away With Everything would manage to become a tournament champion. And Moody insinuating that someone entered Potter's name in order to kill him: preposterous."

Snape was busy pouring himself a stiff drink so he didn't notice Alexis freezing and staring at him wide eyed as Dumbledore's charm took hold preventing her from telling Snape anything about what she knew based on her previous life as Alicia. Alexis managed to fight off the stasis enough that she could move her arms. She was gesturing frantically trying to get Snape's attention.

"Bahh! I cannot believe Dumbledore can't see through Potter's innocent act. I mean the boy hasn't obeyed rules since his first day here. He is just like his father." Snape turned and saw Alexis nodding at him frantically, "I'm glad that you at least agree with me," he turned and downed the drink in his hand.

Alexis' hands were bunched into fists and she was looking for something within her reach that she could throw at Snape to get his attention. "What does Moody know? I mean I realize that Potter has enemies but what could they hope to gain by entering him in the Tournament?"

Alexis was still trying to get Snape's attention. Snape turned back to her and she drew a finger across her neck in the universal sign of cutting one's throat. "Do you have a sore throat?" Snape asked. "I can whip you up a potion for that." Alexis shook her head; apparently it was the Muggle universal sign for cutting a throat and not a wizard sign.

Snape returned to his tirade pacing back and forth in front of Alexis, "I personally might harbor the occasional daydream about Potter's untimely demise," he looked at Alexis who was nodding her head and gesturing with her hands for him to continue. "You too? Alexis I knew there was a reason I married you," Snape gave her a quick kiss before resuming his pacing. "There are much easier methods of killing Potter. Based on his abysmal performance in my class, all we have to do is wait for him to test one of his own potions." Snape snorted.

He smirked at Alexis who was clenching her fists trying to think of some way to communicate to Snape, misunderstanding Alexis' agitation, "Don't worry, I won't let him blow me or the dungeons up. If I can keep Longbottom from doing it I can certainly keep Potter from destroying the school."

Snape continued his rant, "It is so frustrating that Dumbledore won't let you tell us what should happen this year," Snape snarled looking over at Alexis.

Alexis nodded vehemently and tried to mime to Snape that she wanted to tell him something. Snape patted her arm as he walked by her, "You know who is behind all of this; if he would only let you tell us." Snape faced her and Alexis began to twirl a finger in circles next to her temple, "Yes, I agree, it is crazy for Albus not to take advantage of your knowledge."

Alexis twirled her finger and pointed to her eye three or four times, but Snape was lost in his thoughts and didn't even notice. Alexis threw her hands in the air and Snape looked up at the movement, "I understand how much this must grate. You have that regrettable tendency to want to help people," Snape smirked at her.

If Alexis could have moved her lower body she would have stomped her feet in aggravation. Taking a deep, but silent breath she motioned to Snape to come to her. Snape totally misunderstood and walking up to her held her close, "Alexis, I know you would tell me if you could. Between Lupin and Potter this has been an extremely tiring day. I'm going to bed. Don't stay up too late," Snape kissed her and headed into the bedroom.

As soon as he was out of the room Alexis was freed, running into the bedroom she opened her mouth to say something to Snape and immediately froze again as Dumbledore's spell took hold. The spell released her and Alexis returned to the other room and walked over to Snape's desk and pulled a quill and parchment over and began writing down everything she could think of to warn Snape about for the upcoming year.

Thirty minutes later she was reading it over to make sure she hadn't left anything out. Grabbing up the paper she hurried into the bedroom and woke Snape up and handed him the parchment. Snape read it quickly and then looked at Alexis puzzled, "Did you wake me up to give me a recipe for making lemon drop candy cookies?"

Alexis grabbed the paper back and read it again; somehow her thirty minutes of hard work had been transformed into a recipe. Briefly she wondered if she could make the cookies for Dumbledore and include a little surprise for him, before deciding that he was really only trying to do what was best. Crumpling up the parchment she threw it into the fireplace, "Go back to sleep Severus, I'm sorry I woke you up."

Snape asked, "Are you feeling ill, Alexis? You have been behaving strangely all night."

"No, dear, I am not ill. Let me brush my teeth and then I'll come to bed," Alexis smiled wearily at him.

'Wiley old coot,' Alexis thought as she readied herself for bed. There had to be something she could do. She just had to figure it out.

Monday morning at five a.m. there was a loud knocking on their door; Nathair and Aleser started crying and Alexis shoved Snape to get him to go see who had the unmitigated gall to wake them up this early. Alexis managed to crawl out of the bed and headed into the nursery to take care of the twins while Snape went to find out who had a death wish.

"WHAT?" he snarled as he opened the door.

"Good morning, Severus," Darien's chipper greeting was enough to make a strong person ill. "I told you I would start Monday morning and here I am."

Snape's hand was in the pocket of his robe holding tightly to the handle of his wand. He was mentally reviewing the hexes and jinxes that he knew to decide which one would be the most painful, without doing permanent damage.

Alexis came up with a baby in each arm, "Severus, who is it? Is there a problem?"

"Hello, Alexis, I'm sure Severus told you I was starting as his apprentice today. Where should I put my things?" Darien gestured to a large trunk and several bags that were taking up a goodly portion of the hallway. Darien was craning his neck trying to see beyond Snape, "Which way to my room?" he asked as he tried to get inside.

"Hi, Darien. I'm sure Severus will be able to tell you what to do with your stuff. I'm just going to settle the boys back down," Alexis fled the scene determined to keep her sons safe from any fallout.

"What do you mean your room?" Snape asked coldly.

"Room and board for my work," Darien reminded him, "If you will just point me the way to my room, I'll get out of your hair."

"Slinky," Snape yelled in the direction of the fireplace, not even bothering with Floo powder.

A pop and Slinky appeared wearing a hand towel around his waist and with a shower cap over his ears, water still trickling down his back, "Yes Professor sir, what can Slinky do for you?"

"Go back and finish your shower, get dressed and then come back here and show Mr. Doff where he will be staying. Ask the Headmaster if you haven't already been told," Snape said flatly.

"Right away Professor sir," Slinky disappeared with a pop and then reappeared within seconds. Now dry and dressed in his customary tea towel toga, "Mr. Darien Doff sir, if you will be following Slinky, I will be showing you to your rooms."

Darien looked as if someone had cancelled Christmas, "I won't be staying here with you, Severus?"

"Darien, Alexis and I have just the nursery and our bedroom and the sitting room. We really don't have space for guests. I am sure Slinky has set you up on a nice set of rooms not too far from here," Snape was trying not to hex the young man.

"I could sleep on the couch," Darien offered. "I don't really take up much room."

"Darien, follow Slinky, I will come and get you on the way to breakfast and we can talk then," Snape wondered if this was a portent of how the day was going to go as he ushered Darien to the door where Slinky had already removed the trunk and bags.

At seven Snape went to collect Darien; opening the door to his chambers he found Darien sitting in the hallway reading a book and waiting on him, "Hello, Severus, I didn't think you would know where my new rooms are so I decided to wait on you here."

"Very well," Snape said quietly, "follow me and I will show you to the Great Hall where we have our meals." Snape felt rather as if a puppy had followed him home as he led Darien through the castle explaining the routine of meals and lessons.

Darien had a small notebook with him that he was making copious notes in. Snape noticed that Darien was using one of the self inking quills that Remus and Amber had brought back from their honeymoon.

Noticing Snape's regard, Darien held up the notebook, "Ingenious device. It is a Muggle product. The paper is lined and all connected by this piece of metal. It keeps everything neat and tidy."

Snape took it from him and glanced over it before handing it back to Darien wondering if Alexis would know where he could purchase some. It would be much more convenient than the rolls of parchment he was currently using.

Alexis looked at Snape, "You want to know where to get Muggle notebooks?"

"Yes," Snape replied succinctly.

Alexis grinned at the thought of taking Snape into an office supply store, "There are several places you can buy them. If that is all you want you can usually get them at the grocery store."

Snape looked aggravated at the thought of having to go back, "What do you mean if that is all I want?"

"If you are going to use Muggle notebooks, you might want to see what else they have available," Alexis suggested.

"For example?" Snape queried.

"Paper clips, ball point pens, sticky notes, staplers, highlighters," Alexis trailed off at the glare Snape was giving her.

"Why don't we plan a Muggle shopping trip? We can invite Remus, Amber, Aurora and Steven," Alexis offered, "That way you can look around and see if there is anything else you might find useful."

Snape didn't appear all that thrilled about the idea but he kept remembering how convenient Darien's notebook was to use. He reluctantly agreed to the outing.

Alexis looked around at the piles and stacks of bags, bundles and parcels. She should never have suggested taking them on a Muggle shopping trip. The first curiosity about her knowledge of Muggles had been satisfied by explaining that she had been spending extra time with Professor Engvall the Muggle Studies teacher. Everyone had been very impressed with how well she had learned her lessons; at least until she got them lost in Muggle London.

Alexis had never been to Muggle London. She was familiar with Muggles and the items they used, at least the American version of them. Alexis cover was well and truly protected by the fact that she knew nothing from first hand experience about Great Britain.

Steven had been very impressed with how fearlessly she had approached a Muggle please-man and asked him for directions. Snape, on the other hand, had almost caused a problem by the way he was glaring at the poor guy. Alexis had been able to smooth things over by explaining that she was taking mental patients on an outing.

When they arrived at the large shopping complex, Alexis had been hard pressed to keep everyone together. Steven had wanted to explore every shop, while Snape had wanted to head directly to the office supply store. Snape had been sidetracked by a kitchen supply store. He had found the measuring spoons on a ring very practical and had wondered if he could require the students to purchase them. By the end of each school year, at least one student in each class had lost several if not all of their measuring spoons.

He had also been impressed with the price of the marble cutting boards, the quality of the knives available and he had appreciated the practicality of the thin flexible plastic cutting sheets that allowed you to first cut your ingredients and then pick the whole thing up and dump it in the cauldron. He had purchased several of the mini-food choppers, for ingredients that didn't need to be as carefully cut.

One of the employees had been giving a demonstration on food processors. Snape had been all ready to purchase a commercial grade model until Alexis had explained that they worked on electricity. From the look on his face, Alexis wondered how long it would be before Snape had figured a way to either get electricity to work around magic, or electrical appliances to work without magic. When Alexis had gotten the total for his purchases she was glad that she had arranged credit cards for everyone with Gringotts. It looked like a regular Muggle card, but instead of a monthly statement, the money would come directly from one their vaults.

Alexis had to control Steven; he would have purchased one of everything in the store if she hadn't stopped him. That had made her really popular with the sales clerk who had been helping him.

Remus and Amber had been wandering the store, stopping to chuckle at the various items and wonder what some of them could possibly be used for. Aurora had told one of the customers that she really shouldn't have come shopping today since her aura was so blocked. The woman had fled the shop when Aurora had offered several helpful suggestions on how to clear it.

Alexis, Amber and Aurora had dragged everyone into a baby store. Amber and Remus had found out that they were having a girl. Everyone left that store loaded down with tiny pink outfits, adorable baby blankets and more baby toys than any one child could need. Snape had purchased a giant stuffed wolf that was almost as big as a real one and gave it to Remus telling him it was a present for the baby. Snape had felt that was suitable revenge for the Grumpy t-shirt. Especially since Remus had to carry it for the rest of the day.

Steven had insisted on going into an electronics store. He had purchased some plugs and wires and a cunning set of pliers that all folded up in a neat little case. No of the others had been all that interested in the electronics store. Alexis had tried to stand near the front of the store and keep an eye on everyone else while simultaneously keeping Steven from buying the whole store. She had gotten distracted by the sight of Remus handing Snape an ice cream cone. She was waiting to see if Snape was going to make Remus wear it when she noticed that Steven was deep in discussion with one of the sales associates. Hurrying over, she was just in time to prevent him from buying a cell phone. Alexis had to be forceful when telling the clerk that reception would be a definite problem where Steven lived in spite of the number of towers that were being erected and the already extensive coverage area the company provided.

Alexis had to physically drag Steven from the store after he discovered computers. They were even more interesting than the televisions. She had relented and bought him a laptop with a powerful battery and at least two replacement batteries. She had warned him that he would have to find somewhere to charge the batteries and no you cannot do it with magic. Also, whatever he did, do not try to use it at home as all the magical energy would ruin the delicate piece of equipment. Alexis had promised to return soon and help him find a nice Muggle internet café where he could use his new toy.

The food court was a new experience for all. Steven was the only one who seemed to fully enjoy it. Snape had looked at the hamburger and French fries Alexis had gotten for him as if she had proffered poison instead of food. Steven had taken his first sip from the drink Alexis had gotten him and had been amazed that it was served over ice. He had made Alexis purchase him one of every flavor of soda to try. Aurora had agreed with him that from now on they too would serve the drink cold. Alexis had drawn the line when he wanted to buy a dozen child's meals just to get the tiny plastic toys.

Arriving at the office supply store Alexis told everyone that they would have to be fairly quick about their purchases because it was getting late. It would have had more of an impact if anyone had hung around to hear her. Before she could get more than two words out of her mouth everyone had scattered in a different direction.

She found Snape and Remus wrestling with the shopping trolleys. They each managed to free one from the line and took off. Alexis hurried after Snape who was pushing his cart like an old hand.

Snape headed directly for the notebooks. He stopped suddenly in front of Alexis causing her to run into his back when he reached the aisle. There were shelves and shelves of notebooks, notepads, legal pads, and loose leaf notebook paper. There were binders and folders and accordion files. Alexis watched in shock as Snape started filling up the buggy with what looked to be almost one of everything.

"Severus, do you really think you need all of that?" she asked him cautiously.

"I will not know what will work the best for me until I have carefully examined each one. It would be preferable to do that in my office," Snape explained.

Alexis didn't buy it for a minute. No one else would be able to tell, but Snape was having fun. When the first cart was full, Snape pushed it up to the check out counter and told the startled clerk, "Watch my selections. I desire to continue shopping and have need of another trolley."

Alexis followed him to the aisle containing writing utensils. Snape was carefully perusing the offerings, "Do you know how these things work?" ignoring the strange look he received from another shopper.

"Yes, what do you want to know?" Alexis responded.

"How do they get the ink in this tiny cylinder?" he held up a pen.

"Now that I don't know," Alexis confessed.

They had closed the store down. Snape's purchases alone had taken up three registers and four rolls of tape. Alexis was trying to figure out how in the world they were going to get all of this stuff back with them.

Snape had just smirked at her before heading to a quiet spot and Apparating to the Doff's house. Alexis had followed him taking her own two buggies of purchases and was quickly followed by the rest of the party.

While Snape had purchased more than anyone else, everyone had put a serious dent in their money pouches. Alexis had made Snape and Remus take the shopping trolleys back to the store. She could just see the Muggle news reporting on the recent rash of shopping trolley thefts.

AN: Radingsouls4u, yes that was a little nod to Labyrinth, which I also love.

Fallenhunter, glad you enjoyed it. Yes, authoress, yes thing for dark haired, snide men with more intelligence than manners.

MarcDarcy, glad you are back! I missed you and your reviews.

GraceRichie, thank you for all your reviews and I am really enjoying both of your stories.

Loverofallthingsliterary, I apologize, I had to read your name three times before I realized it was literary not slithery (thought you were a big fan of Slytherin). Thanks for your reviews.