Recall and ResolutionMr. Philip Elton
"No thoughts of matrimony at present?" For all the encouragement I had received to now be accosted with such contempt... Surely she had not been mistaken in perceiving my own conduct. Had my manners not professed a distinct inclination for her?
My visits to Hartfield have been for the development of a single aspiration. These were visits initiated under the sole pretence of marking my admiration for her; there was nothing equivocal in my meaning. Any question of my feeling would have had to have been answered through my conduct. Through the fancy I took to her drawing, the Charade! I would protest against being able to make my meaning any clearer! That and a hundred other circumstances – where my manners were not in the least dubious – could not have been misjudged.
Miss. Woodhouse too seemed to be accepting of my attentions. The gallantry with which I addressed her with was not to be merely passed off. Not, at least, without a serious doubt in my own judgment and sense of social propriety. Am I to believe that I was slighted on the basis of a presupposed inferiority? Though, to be sure, it is the only possible explanation. How else could she presume to match me with Miss. Smith!
Nonsensical though it may seem my conclusions must surely be true. Miss. Smith! – I address myself to Miss. Smith! – Anyone must be entirely mistaken in supposing it. I could not presume to make a match of such imprudence. She is only known to me as a parlour-boarder at some common school. Moreover, her illegitimacy must surely hold her below those who brought her up. What claims does she have to aspire to make such a connection? Not on birth, nature nor education could she depend; indeed, she is the natural daughter of nobody knows whom. Certainly Miss. Smith is so very much beneath me that for any match between us there must be a general cry-out upon my extreme distaste.
As for myself, a prominent member of good society, the very respectable vicar of Highbury; I do not mean to throw myself away. So great and inequality, as I am sensible of, it startles me Miss. Woodhouse was not aware of it. No doubt her own self promotion blinds her into thinking she is everyone's superior. Certainly my own perception is not so clouded. I can be sure enough of my own claims to be expecting a rational well-made match.
How Miss. Woodhouse could be so pretentious, believing in such a heightened sense of her own superiority. I do not believe I have ever had the discourtesy of knowing anyone less contented in their own sense of pride! For it was sure to have been pride that led her on. That she was not satisfied with her own station in life she must grant herself powers to meddle in the affairs of others.
Miss. Smith is a girl of such weak mind and disposition. I can be sure she would not be so vain as to advance her thoughts of me to attachment; not at least without the influence of Miss. Woodhouse. Certainly I could not think of her with further thoughts of attachment; my position in good society would not allow it. Miss. Woodhouse too would do well to better regard the conventions of Highbury; not to grant herself leave to remodel its social distinctions at leisure. She considers no voice but her own and will seek amusement in the most consequential of pursuits. She is, however, I am very much disposed to think, quite spoilt in her upbringing and rather wanting in self-modesty and propriety.
Most undoubtedly, the woman is carried away with her own fancy and imagination. If, however, her pride deludes her into thinking that she alone has station to shape people and events, to direct their lives; then she is most strongly misguided in her actions. It is a very shameful and degrading endeavour, to match-make for sheer amusement. Miss. Woodhouse should understand that such matches, as contrived in her head, will never come into fruition; not at least with her self-involvement there to blind her.
Though, I can be sure that my discontent will be short lived. Those that my sisters are intimate with – a large family of girls, one as wealthy as the other – will provide a much more rational connection.