Disclaimer: I don't claim.
Chapter 21 All Good Things Must Come to An End
Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
Mark Twain
Snape was even more irritable than usual. The salve he had used on his rash was not really helping. It had turned out that Remus not only had chigger bites but also a very bad case of poison ivy. Snape decided that if he was going to have an apprentice he might as well use him.
Darien was setting up the potion's classroom for the first lesson of the day. The class would be second year Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. The two houses got along rather well and the Ravenclaws kept the Hufflepuffs from making too many mistakes. Darien should be able to handle teaching them.
Darien looked up with a smile of greeting that quickly turned to a frown of concern upon seeing Snape's neck and wrists, "Professor, where on earth did you get chigger bites? What did you put on them? Great-aunt Jeanne Marie had a salve that would clear them up in a couple of hours. Would you like me to whip it up for you?"
Snape impatiently waited out the flood of questions, "Obtaining a potion ingredient for the bloody potion Alexis is determined to make; a calamine potion; yes."
"I didn't know Alexis was making a potion, which one is it?" Darien asked curious.
"The one you translated for them," Snape sneered as through a great effort of will he refrained from scratching.
"I didn't translate a potion," Darien said and noticing that Snape's fingers were twitching with the effort not to scratch. "Let me go get Great-aunt Jeanne Marie's book from Amber and I'll make up that potion for you."
"Is you aunt's book written in French?" Snape asked beginning to get a suspicion that everything was not as it seemed.
"A French dialect; she married a Cajun wizard and moved to Louisiana in the United States. Her mother-in-law taught her some amazing Cajun recipes for both potions and food. She made these amazing sweets she called choco-crocs. They were chocolate covered crocodile shaped treats that would just melt in your mouth. She made a fortune when she sold the recipe to a Muggle company who tried to produce them commercially, but they are no where near as good as Auntie Jeanne's." Darien came back to himself, "I'll be right back," and he hurried from the room.
When he came back he carried a large, heavy, tome that was about four inches thick. He was flipping through the pages, "Here it is: Chigger-Rid. We have all the ingredients in the storeroom, I'll just start it?"
"That would be appreciated. Do you think I could look through the book?" Snape asked quietly.
"Certainly," Darien smiled and laid the book open on one of the work tables and began to gather the ingredients he would need.
Snape marked the place in the heavy, dusty book and began to flip through the pages. He could read enough French to realize that he had no hope of translating what was written on the pages before him. Trying to act casual Snape asked, "What are some of the other potions and recipes in this book?"
"Well there is the Feathered Dodo breast," Darien enthused. "Of course you don't use real Dodo bird breast, but quail or duck is a good substitute. And then one of my personal favorites is Dead Ghost. It is the white chocolate version of Death By Chocolate. Very rich. You have to drink almost a whole bottle of milk while you are eating it in order to cut the richness," Darien was busy mixing ingredients and didn't notice the expression on Snape's face. "She had some home remedies that had been passed down in her husband's family for generations. This is one of them," Darien nodded at the potion he was making.
"Fascinating," Snape said absently as he tried to determine if Lupin had been in on it or just Alexis and Amber. Thinking back to the misery that Remus was now experiencing and how he had climbed the tree last night, Snape could not see him knowingly participating in the ruse. Now the next step was to determine what was to be done with his treacherous wife and her evil side-kick.
"Darien, does your book have anything to help with poison ivy?" Snape queried.
"I believe so, would you like me to look it up and then brew a batch? This one should be ready in about ten minutes."
"That would be extremely helpful," Snape smirked as a plot began to hatch.
The Chigger-rid potion Darien had brewed for Snape was a vast improvement and had cured his chigger bites in only a few hours. Snape visited Remus later that afternoon with the Chigger-rid and the poison ivy potions as well as his plan.
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Amber let Snape in and directed him to the bathroom. Remus was chin deep in a grey lumpy substance that Snape identified by smell as oatmeal, his hair was plastered with the stuff and it was caked all over his face, leaving only a small smear of uncovered area for his eyes, nose and mouth, "Remus, what are you doing?"
"This is the only thing that is keeping me sane," Remus replied through barely slitted lips.
"It looks as if you are sitting in porridge," Snape said with his lips in a curl of distaste.
"That is exactly what I am doing. An oatmeal bath is keeping me from scratching myself raw," Remus glared at the smirking Snape.
"I have something here that will be much more effective than oatmeal," Snape dangled two bottles in front on him temptingly.
"What are they?" Remus asked suspiciously.
"Two potions from an old book, one is Chigger-Rid and the other is for poison ivy," Snape was now watching Remus' reaction closely. "Darien got them out of the same book as Alexis got her potion." Snape found it impossible to read Remus' face with all the oatmeal caked on it.
"Really, have you tried it yet?" Remus questioned. "Or do I get to be your test subject?"
"I used the Chigger-rid and in twenty minutes the itching was gone and in three hours the rash was completely gone."
"Well give it here then," Remus demanded as with some effort he lifted his arm out of the thick glop that filled the tub.
Snape stared at the hand that was held out to him, although the only reason he could tell it should be a hand was that it was attach to Remus' wrist. It was lumpy and there were no discernable fingers just a large paw.
"What happened to your hand?" Snape asked appalled.
"Oh, I was scratching so much Amber put mitts on my hands," Remus explained. "Now give me the bottles."
"Just a moment," Snape held the bottles just out of Remus' grasp. "I need your help with something."
"Helping you is what got me in this mess in the first place," Remus' glare was ruined by the plop of oatmeal falling off of his nose.
"I discovered that there is no potion. That Alexis has just picked out a list of strange recipes and sent me on a wild Fwooper chase," Snape sneered.
"And this was after you messed up her birthday?" Remus asked wondering if he could get enough purchase to lunge and grab the bottles from Snape.
"Well yes," Snape admitted. "But that was an accident and mostly your fault."
"And what about the jerk-o-lantern you sent her?"
"That was a partial revenge for the Valentine's Day Massacre," Snape defended himself.
"So when does all of this stop?" Remus asked sinking back into the tub tiredly.
"As soon as I am ahead," Snape said as if that was the most reasonable thing in the world.
"And if you never get ahead, then this will go on forever?" Remus asked. "When the two of you are old and feeble you will still be trying to get one up on the other one. Will you be kicking her cane out from under her while she loosens the screws on your wheelchair?"
Snape sat down on the closed toilet. His Slytherin nature was such that he could not stand the thought of allowing someone to get the better of him. But Remus did have a point, how much longer could they go on like this?
"Look, someone is going to get hurt if the two of you keep this up," Remus warned. "And I can almost guarantee it is going to be me. So if you two don't mind, why don't we call for a truce?"
"A truce?" Snape said as if had never heard such a foul word.
"Yes, a truce," Remus was adamant. "You can let her know how smart you are because you figured out her trick on you and that can be your one up. Then you can be the bigger person and suggest a cease fire."
Snape thought about it as he absently leaned forward and held the first vile to Remus' lips, "Give that one five minutes and then you can have the next potion," he explained.
"So if I confront her with her perfidy and then offer to forgive her that would make me the better man?" Snape said out loud.
"No, it would make you the man that sleeps alone on the sofa," Remus replied with a grin. "You can't go in all confrontational. You have to be slick. Just present her with the items on the list. You said that some of the ingredients were actually recipes?" Remus said, playing dumb.
"Yes, the dead ghost, breast feather of a dodo bird, and the choco-crocs," Snape replied.
"Do you think you could get the house elves to cook them for you?" Remus was thinking hard.
"Probably, why?" Snape asked.
"Why not prepare her an elaborate dinner with the potion ingredients she asked for? That way she will know that you know about the deception and it will give you the advantage in the truce negotiations."
"That just might work," Snape conceded as he handed Remus the second potion. "But if it doesn't then you will assist me in any plan that I deem appropriate."
"Deal," Remus said as he choked down the second potion.
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Snape got Darien to translate the recipes for Feathered Breast and Dead Ghost for the house elves. Slinky assured Snape that there would be no problem fixing these for a special dinner. Remus' contribution was to take the twins for the evening. By taking the twins he made sure they were out of the line of fire and gave the couple time to work through the truce without having to worry about the boys.
Amber invited Darien to dinner as well, that way they could keep him from bothering Snape and Alexis. Darien would bring the twins with him and Amber would make sure all three boys spent the night.
Snape channeled his Slytherin traits into making sure the evening was perfect. He wanted to show Alexis that he was on to her without allowing her to much wiggle room. Snape was determined to come out on top in the truce negotiations.
Snape went up to Alexis' office and escorted her to their rooms. Alexis looked around at how the room had been fixed and smiled as she remembered their first intimate dinner together: hopefully this one wouldn't end in an allergic reaction.
Snape seated her at the candlelit table and poured her a glass of chilled champagne. "What are we celebrating?" Alexis asked as she took a sip of her wine.
"Our life together and how wonderful it has been," Snape smirked at her. "I know I don't tell you this often enough, but I do love you," Snape leaned down and gave her a slow gentle kiss. Alexis' eyes were bright with unshed tears at the romance of the gesture.
"I know that I can depend on your love," Snape continued as he seated himself, "and your total honesty."
Alexis froze as she was about to take another sip of the champagne, "I love you too, Severus."
Snape took her hand and kissed the palm, letting his tongue dart out and tease her skin, "Yes, having someone I can fully trust is so important to me."
Alexis shivered and began to feel a little guilty about some of the pranks she had pulled on Snape. "I love you too, Severus," she said a little desperately.
Snape took her hand again, "Alexis, having you to trust and knowing that you would never do anything to embarrass me or cause me any type of pain, I don't know if I have the words to express how that makes me feel."
Snape realized that he may have over done it with the last statement, "Why don't we start dinner? I had Slinky prepare a special dinner for us."
Snape served her the first course of field greens in a balsamic vinegar dressing with black grapes and walnuts.
They talked of inconsequential things while enjoying their salads. Alexis spoke of how she was nervous about teaching her first sex ed class next week. Snape warned her to be strict from the start and not to allow the class to be disruptive. A firm hand was needed with the imbeciles that masqueraded as students.
The next course appeared with a pop. Alexis tasted it and found it delicious, "What is this, Severus? I don't think I've seen it served here before?" Alexis took another bite as she waited for Snape to answer.
"It is feathered dodo breast," Snape replied with a smirk. Alexis started choking on her mouthful. Snape walked around and patted her on the back to clear her airways.
When she had recovered he returned to his seat and proceeded to finish his portion.
"Dare I ask what we are having for desert?" Alexis inquired.
"Dead ghost and choco-crocs of course," Snape replied with his most potent sneer.
"I have wanted to try the dead ghost," Alexis allowed with a grin. "How long have you known?"
"Long enough," Snape replied. "Alexis, this has got to stop before someone gets hurt."
Alexis gave a heavy sigh, "I suppose you are right."
"I am always right," Snape smirked.
"I don't know if I would go that far," Alexis grinned. "But no more tricks or pranks, from either of us."
"Agreed, now that I am ahead of you," Snape agreed.
Alexis narrowed her eyes, "And just how do you figure you are ahead?"
"Because I figured out your potion problem before you could complete it," Snape explained.
Alexis considered it for a moment. She would allow him this victory because she knew she had gotten off relatively lightly considering the Valentine's Day Massacre, "I concede the field to you. You are the Master Manipulator, the Premier Prankster and as always dead sexy."
Snape nodded once regally in acceptance of the accolades.
Alexis and Snape had no way of knowing what the other was thinking and would have been surprised to find how much they mirrored the others thoughts: they had agreed not to prank each other, but nothing was said about playing pranks on any one else.
AN: jonquillejaune: BTW I love your name. Glad you enjoyed the chiggers.
Melissa: The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. (Mark Twain). Life
intruded so I didn't have as much time to write as usual. But, my life is back to
normal (read boring) so I should be able to update more often. Also, please,
please, please, let me know exactly where I mess up on names, that way I can go
back and fix them (this note to anyone who finds a mistake). Thanks.
GraceRichie: I was married for eleven years, if you want a man to do something challenge
his honor or tell him he is too old to do it!
MarkDarcy: Always a pleasure to hear from you! Microwave any new Spanish moss you
collect and that will kill the chiggers.
JennSmith: You are welcome!