Disclaimer: I don't own.
Chapter 28 My Dog Has Fleas
I can resist anything but temptation.
Oscar Wilde
"I can't believe that they confiscated all of the magical orbs," Ron groused as he kicked a pebble.
"Magical orbs," Sirius looked up from devouring a chicken leg.
It was a Hogsmeade weekend and the Golden Trio had met up with Snuffles in his cave hideout. They had finished discussing the strange happenings of the past few weeks and were just keeping Sirius company while he finished the food they had brought him.
"Yeah, I had this really wicked divination aid," Ron enthused. "But the Ministry got scared that it was too powerful for a bunch of school children," Ron finished sarcastically.
Sirius looked interested, "What did it do?"
"It would answer your questions. It was the only thing keeping me and Neville from failing potions," Ron finished gloomily.
"Hey!" Hermione interjected indignantly.
Ron looked over at her, "Sorry Hermione," he apologized. "But the magic ball would tell us the answers, not just help us find them out for ourselves."
Hermione rolled her eyes but before she could comment Ron continued, "I never expected you to rat us out either, Hermione."
Sirius was gnawing on the chicken leg enjoying the show.
"Rat you out!" Hermione hollered. "What do you mean rat you out?"
"If you hadn't told the Aurors where we hid our balls, Neville and I would still have them," Ron complained.
"So you and Neville don't have any balls?" Sirius asked with a straight face.
Ron, not even catching the double entendre, "Thanks to Hermione."
Hermione was fed up with the whole Magic 8 Ball fiasco, "Ron, it was a toy, not a divination aid."
"It was not," Ron said angrily.
"It was a muggle TOY," Hermione insisted. "Where did you get it from originally?"
"I've told you a million times, I can't reveal that information," Ron said huffily.
"It was Fred and George," Hermione stated.
"How did you know?" Ron was amazed. "You asked the orb before they were all confiscated."
Hermione rolled her eyes, "Ron, they were selling the stupid things."
"Oh," Ron said crestfallen.
"Mate, you got something from Fred and George and didn't question it?" Harry asked trying to hide a grin.
"Well, it was just so cool," Ron tried to defend himself.
Hermione and Harry filled Sirius in on the mystical magical orb mayhem. They had heard about Professor Trelawney's tantrum and Harry had been part of the Gryffindor game.
Sirius was openly chuckling at the teens. "Sounds like a prank worthy of the Marauders," he complimented. "How did they come up with it?"
Ron was still looking glum, "They won't tell me who their supplier was."
Hermione just grinned smugly.
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Snuffles had just left Harry, Ron and Hermione and was headed into Hogsmeade to see what he could scrounge up.
He was trotting along the street trying to find any newspapers that people may have dropped when he caught a very familiar scent. He followed the scent to where two young witches were talking in front of Honeydukes. He was trying to figure out how Remus Lupin's scent had gotten mingled with the witches.
"Hello there boy, can I pet you?" the younger of the two witches was leaning down with a hand stretched out toward him.
The older witch was giving him a dirty look. "Darla, don't touch it. You have no idea what that thing may be carrying."
Snuffles wagged his tail trying to look ingratiating. He wanted to get closer to the other witch to see if he could figure out why she smelled like Remus.
"Oh come on Amber, he looks like he is starving. Can I bring him home?" Darla tried the wide-eyed baby sister look that used to work so well.
"No, Darla, you cannot bring him home. He looks like he is infested with fleas, I can't imagine that he is up to date on his shots, and he is probably viscous," Amber was keeping herself between the dog and the baby pram.
Snuffles rolled over on his back and waggled his legs in the air in an attempt to win her over.
"Oh sure Amber, he is a mean viscous rabid monster," Darla knelt down and began to scratch his stomach causing his back leg to start shaking. Darla giggled, "See Amber, he's just a big cuddly buggly, aren't you? He would be protection for us when Remus has to go away," Darla told her sister pleadingly.
"Like Remus goes away so much that we have to worry," Amber protested.
Darla could see she was weakening though, "I promise I'll be the one to take care of him. I'll feed him and walk him and love him and call him George."
Amber snickered, "You will also give him a flea bath as soon as we get home." Darla squealed and threw her arms around the dog's neck almost suffocating him. Amber warned, "The first time he lifts a leg to anything in the house, humps a leg or I get even an inkling that he is a danger to the baby and you are both gone."
Darla nodded, "Let me run to the store and get the flea shampoo, a leash, collar and a couple of bowls."
Amber was looking down at the big, black bear of a dog, "You had better make an appointment for him to have his shots and if we are going to keep him you gotta' get him neutered."
Darla winced in sympathy as the dog flipped over and tucked his tail between his legs, "We had better wait on that. Make sure no one claims him."
"Just remember that you need to be a responsible pet owner, so don't put it off for too long," Amber waited with the baby and dog while Darla ran to pick up what she needed.
"Dog," Amber addressed him, "you are on probation, so don't mess it up. Darla is an old softy and you can have the good life if you play your cards right." A thumped tail and a doggy grin where her answer.
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Darla came hurrying back with several large overflowing bags. Amber stared at her, "I thought you were just going to get him a few things?"
"He needs a brush and a bed and some toys, and there was the cutest scarf," Darla looked as if she was about to empty the bags and show Amber everything she had purchased.
"Darla!" Amber hollered to get her attention. "You can show me what you got when we get home AND after you give the mutt a bath."
Darla leaned over and put a neon pink collar with rhinestones around the dog's neck and hooked a matching leash onto it, "Come on Pookie, let's go home," she cooed to the beast.
Snuffles suffered the indignity of collar and leash and obediently trotted along beside Darla.
"See Amber, he is a perfect gentleman," Darla grinned.
"We'll see," was all Amber would allow.
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Arriving home, Amber took Cynthia up to put her down for a nap while Darla rummaged through her bags and pulled out the flea shampoo, dog conditioner, a comb, brush, nail clippers and dog cologne. "Come on Pookie, let's go get you cleaned up," and she headed to toward the downstairs bathroom.
Snuffles was looking at all the paraphernalia Darla was carrying and started having second thoughts about the wisdom of submitting to her ministrations just to find out what Remus' role was in this household. Snuffles stiffened his front legs and hunched his shoulders and refused to budge. Darla was happily humming thinking about all the fun she was going to have with her new pet and didn't notice his rebellion until the leash pulled taught and she snapped back dropping her armful of stuff.
"Pookie, what's wrong baby? Are you scared?" Darla went back and started rubbing his ears, "This won't hurt a bit Pookie, and if you want to stay you have to have a bath, so come on," Darla headed to the bathroom again. Again Snuffles bowed up and wouldn't move. Darla gave him a considering look and then sent all the bath stuff to the bathroom. Moving behind him she tried to lift his rear and push him along the floor. Snuffles flopped boneless onto floor and Darla fell over and had to twist to keep from landing on him, "Not nice, Mr. Pookie," she scolded him. "You have to have this bath or Amber won't let you stay." Darla grabbed his collar and started pulling him along the floor. Snuffles was a very big dog and he had decided he wasn't moving. Darla ended up losing her traction and each foot slid until one of her legs was on each side of the dog's body. Snuffles laid his head down on her right thigh and sighed.
Darla decided enough was enough. Determining that she was a witch and no dog was going to get the better of her, she pulled out her wand and levitated the surprised dog, floating him toward the bathroom. Snuffles' feet were doing a mad paddle in mid-air as he tried to find some way of stopping his forward movement. Snuffles saw Darla's grin and decided to start howling.
Amber called down from the nursery, "Darla, shut that animal up before he wakes Cynthia."
Darla gave him a dirty look and then cast a silencing charm on him. Snuffles shot her a look that plainly said she wasn't playing fair.
Reaching the bathroom, Darla lowered him into the tub and flicked on the water so the tub would fill up. She reached up for some towels and while her back was turned Snuffles made a break for it. A mad scramble and a dash for freedom were thwarted by Darla casting a boundary charm on the doorway. Snuffles hit it head on and bounced off sliding along the floor until he skidded to a stop back up against the tub. "Bad dog," she scolded as she put him back in the tub. Placing the towels beside the tub she grabbed the brush and started to brush his coat.
Snuffles decided this wasn't too bad and allowed it, although as the water rose he found it less pleasant. Darla decided she would finish brushing him after the bath and grabbed the bottle of shampoo and read the directions. "Ok Pookie, here goes," she used her wand to direct the water until his coat was completely wet before turning off the water. "Now for the fun stuff," opening the bottle she squirted some shampoo onto his back and started rubbing it in. Snuffles closed his eyes as Darla massaged the liquid in he could almost feel the regular fleas and ticks dropping off. He could actually feel the magical fleas and ticks joining forces on his coat. He sat down in the water and began scratching trying to dislodge them. Darla squealed as he flicked her with soapy water.
Snuffles, or Pookie as he is now known, had managed to dislodge some of the magical fleas. He could hear them communicating, their voices pitched too high for human ears. They were retreating up his back and legs trying to reach higher ground.
Darla decided there wasn't enough lather so reached for the shampoo bottle to apply some more. Giving it a big squeeze she popped the top off of the bottle and emptied the whole thing onto Snuffles. "Oh bullocks," Darla cursed, "it said not to use more than a cup of the stuff."
Snuffles noticed a decided increase in the amount of lather as the shampoo dripped off of him and into the bath water. The bubbles were rapidly filling the tub. Snuffles decided there was no way he was smothering in a mountain of flea shampoo. Jumping out of the tub he shook himself off splattering the whole room with soap and water and again made a dash for it.
Darla levitated him and this time she shut the door before turning and banishing the bubbles and putting the dog back into the tub. "Stay, you ornery pup," she ordered and began to rub the shampoo into his fur.
The magical fleas and ticks were now making a last stand on his neck and head. He could feel them trying to pop the bubbles before they could carry them away. There were reports of casualties coming in from all sectors. He watched a bubble floating towards the ceiling carrying a few fleas and one lone tick. The magical fleas and ticks were fighting a losing battle. As the bubbles tickled his nose, he could hear a tiny rendition of taps being played as the last of the magical fleas and ticks floated away in the bubbles.
"Now this has to sit for twenty minutes so it will kill all of the fleas and ticks. I'm going to go see about your dinner, don't tell Amber but I bought you a steak while I was getting everything else for you. Stay here and I'll be back in twenty minutes to rinse you off." Darla placed a kiss on his nose, "Bluck, soap," she spit out before leaving the bathroom and shutting the door behind her.
Snuffles sat down in the tub and placed his head on the rim. 'Steak…I can't remember the last time I had steak….I hope she cooks it medium rare….' he thought. Snuffles drifted off into a daydream about steak. Darla had banished the bubbles, but not the shampoo mess. Snuffles didn't notice as the bubbles started rising again. When the bubbles finally started to drip out of the tub and onto the floor that is when he figured out that something wasn't quit right. Jumping from the tub he scrambled toward the bathroom door and turned to look back. He let out a whine; the bubbles were now creeping up and starting to crawl towards him. He started barking and whining trying to get Darla's attention. The doorknob was a round knob and he couldn't get a grip on it to open the door himself. The bubbles were now up to his chin; he reared up onto his hind legs and started to scratch at the door frantically.
Amber walked by the bathroom and heard him fussing and hollered through the door, "Darla, I thought I told you to keep the beast quiet, and he better not be scratching the paint on my door."
Darla peeked out of the kitchen, "What was that Amber?"
Amber looked from the noise coming from the bathroom to her sister in the kitchen doorway. Turning back to the bathroom she noticed a thin stream of bubbles oozing out from under the door. Closing her eyes and counting to ten, she then opened the door releasing a flood of bubbles and one frantic, wet, soapy, very large dog.
"DARLA," she screamed which woke the baby who started crying. Snuffles was whining and barking and running around madly. Amber looked into what had once been a very pretty bathroom. It now looked like a place that could apply for disaster assistance. Taking a deep breath, "Darla, you had better clean up every bubble, dog hair and drop of water before I come back down from taking care of Cynthia," Amber turned and ran back upstairs.
Darla looked at Snuffles, "Pookie, Pookie, Pookie," she let out a sigh of her own. "Come on let's finish your bath and then I'll clean everything up.
Darla had finished rinsing the soap off of Pookie (Snuffles) and had cast cleaning charms on the bathroom. She had finished drying him off with a towel and had reached for her wand to finish drying him when Darien stuck his head in the door, "Hey, whose that?"
Darla looked at her new pet proudly, "That is Pookie," she replied.
Pookie took the opportunity to start licking his privates dry.
Darien started laughing, "You know why a dog licks himself?" he teased. Before Darla could respond, "Because he can," still laughing he ducked the towel his sister threw at him and headed upstairs to visit his niece.
"Don't listen to him Pookie," Darla said, "But you really shouldn't do that in public." Pookie rolled over onto his back as though to say, 'Then you dry it.'
Darla gave him a grin and pointed her wand at the area under discussion causing Pookie to let out a worried yelp," Just a drying spell, Pookie," Darla soothed. "I'm going to let an animal healer take care of neutering you."
Pookie wasn't all that soothed.
Thirty minutes later, Pookie was clean, the downstairs was restored to order and Darla was feeding her new pet. Amber entered the kitchen after inspecting the rest of the downstairs. "Very nice Darla," she commented before giving an appreciative sniff. "Something smells great." She then noticed what the dog was eating, "Is that monster eating our dinner?"
"Not at all," Darla replied huffily, "I bought him a steak when I picked up the rest of his stuff."
"I hope you don't plan on feeding that behemoth steak every night, you'll go broke," Amber headed over to the cold box to see what she had to fix for dinner. It was empty, "Did you remember to get the rest of the groceries when you picked up his steak?" she asked quietly.
Darla's eyes got huge, "No I didn't."
Amber sighed, "The dog gets steak and we get cold cuts. What do you want on your sandwich?"
Darla looked slightly guilty, "I'm not hungry." At Amber's look, "I ate some of his steak. It smelled so good," she defended herself.
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Remus arrived home and entering the house followed his nose to the kitchen. Kissing Amber, "Something smells great, what's for dinner?"
Amber handed him a plate with a neatly cut ham and cheese sandwich.
"It must be too close to the full moon, because I would have sworn that I smelled steak," Remus said.
"You did smell steak," Amber assured him. "Darla took in a stray and remembered to buy him a steak for dinner, but didn't remember to pick up the rest of the groceries.
"A stray?" Remus took a bite of his sandwich.
"Yes a big black dog. I warned her the first problem and he's gone." Amber leaned back on the counter, "Plus she has to have him neutered. I cannot believe how some people can let a dog get to that age without neutering him. He is a mutt so there is no way they should breed him." Amber shook her head, "Sorry I'll get off my soap box now."
Remus smiled at her, "Where are they?"
"Darla went to set up his new dog bed in her room," Amber told him.
"I think I'll go check out the latest addition to our family," Remus gave her another kiss before heading upstairs.
Darla's door was open and Remus looked in. Yes there was a very big and fluffy dog bed in one corner of the room. However the large dog who was supposed to be on the dog bed was stretched out full length on the girl's bed. They were sharing a pillow and the girl had thrown her arm over the dog and was fast asleep.
The big black head looked up at Remus' hiss, "Get out here now."
Wiggling he managed to get out from under the girl's arm without waking her and padded over to the man standing in the hall. He followed him into the master bedroom and watched as Remus shut the door and placed a silencing charm on the room.
"What are you doing here? And just what the hell were you doing curled up in bed with my sister-in-law?" Remus demanded.
Snuffles transformed into Sirius Black, "It's good to see you too, Mooney."
AN: jonquillejaune: My mom always said you don't remember the pain of giving birth only the joy of having a child…and then they become teenagers and the pain comes back.
MarkDarcy: We shall see…I might still have a few twists left in me.
GraceRichie: Loved your chapter…although I haven't quite forgiven you for the cliffie.
Radingsoul4u: I had fun writing the teacups. Couldn't help putting in that she only used the blue ones.
JennSmith: I have to admit I love Ginny and Draco together. I may have to see how many more couples I can juggle in this story.