I grumbled softly to myself, glancing up only when noticing someone walk past down the stairs. It was almost time for breakfast; what was taking her so long? Lev crossed my legs every so often, wandering between my impatiently tapping feet. Finally the door to our bedroom opened, Pansy and Millicent stepping out. Noticing only the slightest frown forming, I looked back down to my feet. They were not who I needed right now. One of them made a displeased noise before they both stepped forward, down the stairs on the way to breakfast.
Waiting a second more, I inevitably looked up to see they had gone. It would be now or never. I let out a sigh and pushed myself off the wall I had leaned against. Signalling Lev to stand guard, I took one more breath before opening the door to our bedroom. Daphne sat on her bed, staring at her own reflection as she ran a brush through her hair. Noticing me watching her, Daphne's eyes shifted in the mirror, until they landed on me. Sitting herself up, she twisted her torso to give me a smile.
"I thought you'd be in the common room by now," she called in the form of a greeting. Though it was only ever one of us here, I took a quick scan around the room. We were alone. With that confirmed, I turned around closing the door behind me.
"Colloportus silentium," I called, pointing my wand to the door. The click of the tumblers confirmed the door had locked. I needed to not be interrupted, and I wanted to not be overheard. That should settle both. When I turned back, Daphne's smile had changed.
"We need to talk."
"Well, that is mildly threatening," Daphne set down her brush, her smile fading, noting my serious tone. "Did I do something? I promise if I did, Pansy put me up to it."
"No, it's not that," I frowned slightly, curious as to what she had thought I meant.
"That…" she tried to start, but seemed to reconsider. Daphne took a breath before trying again. When she did, her words spilled out so quickly it took me a second to register what she was spouting out. "You're mad about something I did, right? Is this about the thing with Astoria. I was kidding, you know that, right? I mean, I mostly was. I know things are escalating between us but it's nothing to do with you. I'm not mad you told her, not anymore! I'm sure Greece will be fine and—"
"Daphne!" I finally snapped. I had literally spoken two sentences to her, and she was already giving me a headache. "Could you just… shut up for a second. I'm still trying to decide if this is something that I even want to do."
"Okay," Daphne called quietly. Looking at her a second, I looked down for a moment, before setting on a sigh.
"I am going to tell you something. I am doing this against what I believe to be my better judgement," I frowned down to myself, having just realized how that sounded. It wasn't my first choice, but I didn't have many choices at the moment. Daphne waited, and I could already see the anticipation in her. She was already making me regret this. Letting out a long breath, I took a step away from the door and closer to her. "It's… It has to do with Draco. He and I have been arguing lately—"
"I knew it!" Daphne called out triumphantly. Standing from her bed, she rushed to meet me on the walk to her. "Did he do something? Did you do something? Who did what? When? Where you two—"
"Daphne," I interrupted, my tone more serious. "Before I tell you anything let me make one thing clear. You are not to repeat a word of what I'm about to say."
"I won't—"
"Don't interrupt," I called a little louder. Making sure she heard me clearly, I took a step closer, standing directly in front of her. "If I think, even for a second, that you shared a word of what I am about to say, to anyone, I swear to you I will make you regret it. You will beg to get into Azkaban, because that is the only place I can think of with enough security to keep you safely away from me."
"So we cross from mildly threatening to… this," Daphne let out a nervous chuckle. She looked down at me, watching my expression carefully. With a sigh, Daphne fidgeted her way back to her bed. After taking a seat, she turned back to me with a slightly serious expression herself. "I feel like I should tell you not to share, if it's that serious, but at the same time I'm really curious now. What is it?"
"This is not to leave this room, and it is not to be shared with anyone else living in this room. Is that understood?"
"You know I wouldn't—"
"Is. That. Understood." I repeated, emphasizing each of the words. Daphne waited a second before nodding. "Good."
I took in a deep breath before letting it out just as slowly. There was a pause for a moment, neither of us said anything. If I was being honest with myself, I didn't know where to start. Daphne's fidgeting intensified across from me the longer I waited. Eventually she broke down.
"Whenever you are ready… I'll listen, you know. I'm listening," Daphne called slowly, trying to settle on the proper words.
"Honestly, I'm only telling you this because I need someone to talk all of this through with. And ridiculous as it sounds, you're the best person I could think of," I spoke much faster as I started walking towards the bed. Daphne flinched slightly as I fell onto the seat next to her.
I didn't have a lot of options, but this was clearly the best decision. Firstly, I knew that she already knew. With everyone else I could only assume, but Draco had confirmed it, Daphne knew. She could be threatened into keeping quiet, letting me talk freely. If not that, well, I had easy access to her sleeping quarters if I ever needed to make good on the aforementioned threats. Also Daphne cared enough, maybe too much, about the topic, so she would certainly be attentive. When I did speak, my words were slow.
"I'm not going to give you too many details on the where, or how, but this summer… Draco and I had a talk… and he told me…" I slowed to a stop, thinking over exactly what I was to say. Daphne waited, visibly impatiently. I ignored that. Figuring I had gotten this far, I blurted out the rest in one sentence. "He told me he's been in love with me since we were kids, and now I don't know how to talk to him, or be with him, without things feeling awkward or out of place, and this whole thing is making my head hurt just repeating everything to you, and for the first time in a long time I'm lost, and the people that I would normally go to can't help with this, and I don't know where to start, who to go to, or what to do!"
"He what?" Daphne exclaimed, standing quickly from the bed. The sudden movement made the brush she had set down bounce up and off the bed with a loud thud. It almost sounded like it broke. But, surprisingly, Daphne didn't seem to register the sound. She kicked part of the brush as she began to pace around the room. "He told you? He told you! Draco told you that he lo—"
"Lower your voice," I hissed at the word.
Daphne put her hands over her mouth, most likely not trusting herself to keep quiet. Between her fingers I heard her take jagged breaths of air. Once she seemed to trust herself enough, Daphne set down her hands, biting her lips to keep the words in. It was a strange sight but the strange twitching seemed to be working for her. I almost let out a smile, watching her. Daphne was taking the whole thing harder than I had when I found out.
"It's okay. I'm okay," Daphne called after a few more breaths. She sounded a bit more like herself now. "It's just… he told you. He said he would never tell you but he told you!"
"He said he would never tell me?" I repeated, frowning quietly to myself. Daphne seemed too caught up in her own thoughts to notice. She mumbled something to herself before stopping abruptly and turning back to me.
"Wait, he told you!" Daphne called, with sudden realization in her eyes.
"Yes, I think that has been established," I nodded at her. She shook her head back at me.
"No, no, I mean he told you," she said, not explaining as much as she thought her tone conveyed. She rolled her eyes at me, realizing I still wasn't getting her point. "What I mean is, if he told you, why aren't you two, you know, together? You should be together!"
"Daphne," I groaned, having expected but hoping against this being part of her reaction. She ignored me and continued with her rant.
"You two would be so perfect together," Daphne went on. "I know Pansy is my friend, of course I love her, but honestly, you two belong together!"
"Daphne," I closed my eyes, rubbing lightly at my temples. "Look, I already have a headache, I don't need this from you."
"Okay, okay," Daphne cooed, either due to my tone or my expression. "I can tell you're freaked by just the fact that you're telling me. But… do you not want to be together?"
"It's not that I don't want to…" I answered with a mumble. Instantly I saw Daphne's expression change, her eyes lighting up. Realizing how it sounded, I quickly spoke up to correct myself. "I mean, of course, I don't want to. That's not what I'm saying."
"Yeah, I know," Daphne raised her hands, but looked disappointed. She pursed her lips thoughtfully before speaking again. "So… why are you bringing this up?"
I didn't answer for a moment. It wasn't until my hair knotted in my hands that I even realized I had been running my fingers through my hair. The bad habit I had picked up from Draco. He always ran his fingers through his hair whenever he was annoyed or frustrated. I let out a soft groan, not wanting to analyze the root of why we copied each other's mannerisms like that any more.
"I don't know. I just need to voice this out loud. It's… frustrating," I sighed, wrapping the ends of my hair around my finger. "Ever since he told me, things between us have been… different. We've been walking on eggshells around each other. I've tried putting some distance between us, even, but he's not letting me. Every time I try he insists I'm just trying to push him away."
"Of course he wouldn't!" Daphne exclaimed suddenly. She shuffled her feet until she met me at the foot of the bed. "Why would you think to do that?"
"Because… it feels like this is my fault somehow," I complained into my hands. I rubbed my face before stretching over on the bed and grabbing a pillow. "If I wasn't around, maybe it would just… everything would go back to how things were."
"Katerina," Daphne gave me a small frown, sitting on the bed next to me. "This is how things were. This is how things have always been between the two of you. Just because you didn't see it before, doesn't mean anything has changed."
"You sound just like him," I groaned, hugging the pillow against my chest. Daphne gave me a smile in return.
"Well, have you tried pushing into him instead?"
"That makes absolutely no sense," I narrowed my eyes at her from the gap just above the pillow.
"You say things have been odd between you two but it's mostly because of the way you're acting, isn't it?" Daphne asked and, not appreciating how sure of herself she sounded, I didn't reply. Still feeling sure, she continued. "Maybe you just need to spend some time together, now that you both understand how things are. Maybe being constantly together will force you to cope with this and things will get better. Pushing him away certainly isn't working out, at least. It'll be like how Draco used to blush anytime you hugged him but look at him now, he's fine."
"Oh for the love of—is that why he always did that?" I blurted out at the realization. Daphne let out a laugh.
"Honestly, how have you gone all these years with only just now noticing," she giggled, watching me stuff my face into the pillow.
"Let's not talk about it," I groaned, having the sound slightly muffled by the fabric. "Getting back on topic, let's say I do this idea of yours; pushing into him. How do you even suggest I go about that. We already have nearly every class together, with only one exception. But I know for a fact he wouldn't consider transferring to Runes, and I will never stoop to something as low and nonsensical as Divinations."
"How about you just do all of your studying together," Daphne perked up with a suggestion. I rolled my eyes at her. She huffed back. "Okay, well, you can't ask for suggestions and nitpick any that I give you! You're the smarty pants, you think of something. I usually ask you about making plans anyway, or Theo, but—"
"You tell anyone else about this and I'll make all of your hair fall out," I threatened, pointing my wand in her direction.
"I know, I know!" Daphne exclaimed, instinctively reaching up to grab her head. "I'm not going to, obviously. My point was that it's probably better for you to come up with the plan."
"That might be a little difficult considering I've spent all of my time trying to avoid thinking about this… situation," I grumbled back down onto my pillow.
Daphne was right, she was more adept at dealing with emotional situations, but now that I had an idea it was probably best if I settled on the plan myself. The main problem now was coming up with one. But we already spent over three fourths of our time at Hogwarts together. How could I possibly spend any more time together with him. The rest of our time was occupied with things I doubted either of us could stomach doing together.
Studying was definitely out of the question, we would both fail. When not doing that, I usually spent my free time with George, as Draco did with Pansy. We would have to overlap that time with the four of us, which was out of the question. There were the walks I took Lev on, but whether Draco accompanied me or not, was up to my puppy, and he wasn't always in the mood to have a third person join us. I frowned a little deeper, not being able to find something that would fit into the kind of situation I was imagining it. To work we would not only be together, but it might also help if it if there was something forcing me to stay. Knowing myself, I would run away at the first opening, hence this whole need to come up with a plan. But what would we be able to do together? What else other than…
"Oh no," I groaned, burying my face deeper into the pillow. "I think I just thought of something."
"What?" Daphne asked curiously. It took looking up to realize she just hadn't hurt what I'd said.
"I think I just thought of something," I called a little louder, throwing the pillow to the side. "But I don't like it."
"At least you thought of something," Daphne called cheerfully, "so that's some progress, right? Whether or not—"
A loud bark broke from outside of our room, warming us of another's presence approaching. The doorknob began to, unsuccessfully, turn open. After a short pause the knob began to turn again. There was another pause, as if a locked door was such an impossible concept to grasp. A loud and obnoxious pounding took the place of silence only a moment after.
"The door's locked!" Pansy's shrill voice made the obstute observation. I made a sour face at Daphne, who replied with a small smile. "Why is it locked? Open the door!"
"I'm coming," Daphne cooed towards her.
Daphne pushed herself from her bed and skipped forward to the door. I gave her a bit of a smile realizing what would happen in a second. She paused a few steps away, probably just realizing it would be locked from the inside too. Outstretching my wand, I called out to unlock the door. After hearing the click Daphne let out a smile and reached for the door. As soon as the door gave way Pansy's head leaned in from the side, moving her angry expression from me and back to Daphne.
"I thought you had already headed to breakfast," Daphne spoke as she closed the door behind her.
"I forgot my coin, and I was wondering where you were. Some of the guys have already gotten through half of their breakfast. And why was the door locked?" Pansy ran through her sentences all in the same breath. Her eyes shifted accusingly to me. With a sigh, I pushed myself off the bed.
"I know you're not the most perceptive one in the bunch, but you must have noticed the little squabble Daphne and Astoria have been having," I spoke up, grabbing my bag off the floor. Without pause, I went on with my fake story. "Last night Astoria nearly snuck a fake bottle of hair cream to switch with Daphne's current one. I doubt you noticed, we almost didn't, but she seemed to forgotten about Lev. He gave us enough of a warning but it was still a close call. Daphne and I were talking about ways to keep her a bit more protected, hence the Locking Spell."
"Y—yeah!" Daphne joined in, unconvincingly.
Pansy kept her frown, not believing us but not finding it in herself to push for more information. At her pause, I squeezed past her and the door. On the other side Lev sat waiting patiently for me. I leaned down to grab him. With a kiss on his head, I set him back down just as I heard the door slam shut behind me. Pansy was sure to start her line of questioning, but I doubted Daphne would talk. She may be gossipy but underneath it all, she was a very caring person, one of her greater faults. Because of that, she wouldn't purposely hurt Pansy's feelings by bringing up a topic like this. That and I was sure she knew fullwell I would be more than willing to follow through on my threats.
Upstairs the Grand Hall looked nearly full. There were a few stragglers here and there but it seemed as though all four house tables packed with students from end to end. Glancing further down the Slytherin table I could see where the others were. It seemed as though Pansy already had a plate set up and started. In her seat sat her bag, next to her usual spot beside Draco. Daphne was missing, I of course hadn't reached them yet, but everyone else seemed to be present.
"Hey, what took you?" Draco called up to me, halfway thru stuffing his face with some breakfast eggs. I gave him a half smile before setting my bag down in my usual seat.
"Let's just say it's been a long day," I groaned, well aware it was still only breakfast. Turning a little further down the table, I let out a sigh. "And I have one more thing to do first."
"Are you trying to skip on breakfast, again?"
"What are you, my mother?"
I mirrored Draco's frown before hearing Blaise chuckle next to him. Ignoring him as he yelled something back, I stepped farther away from them. I kept an eye on whom I passed, needing someone in particular. It wasn't necessary but I noticed most sat with others of their respective years. They would only be a few groups ahead of where we sat. The group didn't seem to notice as I reached them on the table, even as I stood behind him. I gave a loud sigh to myself before speaking up.
"I thought about it," I called out, crossing my arms. At that, he turned from the table to face me.
"You thought about it," Graham repeated, shifting in his seat. He kept his expression fixed on me while the others smiled from behind.
"Yes."
"You wanna take a seat, Volkov?" Cassius smirked up at me, leaning a bit to the side but not actually giving room for any sitting space.
"Not now, Warrington!" Graham swatted at him, before fixing his expression back on me. "Go on."
"If I joined your team, if," I made sure to emphasize, "what position would I be placed in?"
"Easiest one would be Pucey's here; Chaser," Graham shrugged, pointing to him at the opposite side of the table. "He's the one you would be replacing on the team."
"And Adrian's okay with all of this?" I asked, looking in his direction. Adrian looked up from his food just long enough to give me a shrug, turning back down to his cup of coffee without a word.
"He's never cared much about being on the team, mostly does it 'cause of pressure from his parents. Although if you had another in mind, I'm sure this one could be persuaded," Cassius shoved some food in his mouth before pointing his fork at Graham.
"I see…" I gave a slight nod to myself.
"Did you have another in mind?" Graham asked, but I shook my head.
"Not necessarily."
Chaser could work. It was one of the least aggressive positions, outside of referee. A Keeper would constantly have to get in the way of Quaffle being thrown into the goalposts. Beaters required too much effort, and I didn't have the physical strength required to be good at the position. Being Seeker also required a little too much attentiveness, but even without that, I wouldn't try to take away Draco's beloved spot on the team. As a Chaser I could let the other two do most of the work and just make myself look busy.
"Alright, I'll join," I crossed my arms at them. "But I just want to make this clear from the start; I have some conditions. I don't plan on being on the team forever, just for the moment, until I can come up with something better. And the very second being on this team starts to impact my studies in any way, I will quit. I don't care if it's two weeks before a match or two minutes. If we are in understanding of that, then I will join."
"Until you can 'come up with something better'?" Miles piped up with a smirk. "You sure we want her on the team?"
"Why is it that you're changing your mind all of a sudden?" Adrian asked, finally seeming the slightest bit interested in the topic.
"Does it matter?" I replied with a look at the two. "If you don't want me then don't let me join. Those are my conditions, come to whatever decision you'd like, and you can tell me what it is later. For now, I will be having some breakfast hoping I finish before the Hogsmeade queue starts getting too long."
Scuttling back, I walked towards my previous seat on the table. Daphne and Pansy seemed to have found their way back down to the Great Hall, the latter of which was laughing particularly loud next to Draco. I could never quite figure out why she always did that. I loved Draco as much as the next witch, but he wasn't nearly that funny.
"Hey, I thought you came back down here before us. Where did you go?" Daphne called out cheerfully to me.
"Were you talking to Montague just now?" Draco asked, watching me take a seat. He leaned back in his seat and looked further down the table, to where the others were.
"I'll tell you on the way to Hogsmeade," I waved off his question and took a bite of toasts.
Pansy grumbled lightly beside him, but it wasn't long before they went back to making grotesquely cutesy faces at each other. Honestly, if he was so concerned about me eating, he shouldn't be trying to make me sick. Still, somehow I managed to shove down enough food to last me the morning. I ate as quickly as I could. I needed to get a head start or things wouldn't work out like I had planned.
After scarfing down what I could stomach, I pushed myself from the table, and rushed out of the Great Hall, with only a very brief goodbye to the others. It was windy but still quite bright out at the clock tower courtyard. Lining up with the queue, I frowned realizing Filch already had quite a few students waiting. Watching I noticed everyone waiting seemed to be part of some little group. I was the only one alone. That was probably for the best. I took a second to look into my bag, to make sure I had everything I needed for the day. With the wind I heard another little sound follow the rustle of leaves. I closed my bag quickly realizing the footsteps were getting closer.
"You can't say you're going to tell me something on the way to Hogsmeade and then go off on your own," Draco grumbled moving to stand beside me. A few students who had moved to stand behind me in line grumbled as he jumped the queue.
"I would have thought you wanted to take the walk with Pansy," I answered, stepping forward as the line moved up. We were almost to Filch, who was making the same sour face he usually did.
"I'll admit I would have, but you got me curious," Draco smirked down at me. I rolled my eyes in return.
"Goodie for me," I called back sarcastically, and his smirk grew bigger.
It took a few minutes but eventually we managed to make our way up to Filch. After the unnecessary approval process, we started down the bridge to Hogsmeade Village. Draco kept insisting on letting him know what Graham and I had talked about. Not entirely sure if we had come to an agreement, I was hesitant about bringing it up. But, knowing him, he wasn't going to let it go.
"We still haven't worked out the details, but yes, I decided to join the Slytherin team," I nodded at him.
"You did?"
"I did."
"Why?" Draco asked slowly after a break. I gave him a shrug before looking forward.
Truthfully, after my talk with Daphne, this seemed like the best course of action. Even now, part of me had been hoping he would have stayed with Pansy through the trip. In the past, that thought would have been laughable, only to cross my mind sarcastically. As nauseating as they were to look at, it somehow felt reassuring to see them together. It was a lot easier to ignore his feelings for me when I saw them together like that. It was as if those feelings didn't exist.
"Fine, don't tell me, you brat," Draco sighed. I gave him a small smile, bumping my shoulder against him.
"Well, in the end, I couldn't see a way around it," I looked up at him and smiled. "Otherwise, I figured I would never hear the end of it from you or the rest of the Slytherin team.
"Eh, you're not so great. I'm sure he would have dropped it eventually," Draco smirked back and my smile got a little bigger. It might do good to force this.
"So, I am curious," I muttered, having remembered something. "Why was he so intent on having me on the team."
"Because you're you," Draco shrugged apathetically. "And because of who you're dating."
"Because of George?" I asked, before realizing what that would mean. Just before he asked me to join the team, Graham had asked if I was dating 'that Gryffindor beater'. Of course he had meant Fred at the time, but that didn't take away from his point. Finally, I understood the bigger picture. "So you're using me to cheat?"
"Not cheat," Draco corrected, but the mischievous smirk was clear on his face. "We just figured, stupid as the beggar may be, even he wouldn't go about pounding Bludgers at your head."
"I should hope not," I frowned, not having considered that.
"I wouldn't worry about it," Draco interrupted, as if guessing what my frown was about. Instead he gave me a confident smile. "I'll make sure Crabbe and Goyle have you covered, just in case he really is that brainless."
"Well, aren't you the thoughtful one," I scoffed as his smile got a little bigger. George would know better. Fred would probably try to avoid it as much as he could, but I couldn't say it was an impossible thought for him. Either way, that would have their attention split. That might be enough to affect their team. "So the whole point is to have their Beaters distracted."
"Figured if they want to keep from accidentally beating your head in with a Bludger, they'll have to pay close attention to you."
"Well, you have certainly reassured me of my decision."
"You'll be fine," Draco rolled his eyes at me.
Careful to keep pace with me, Draco began to walk closer. He threw an arm around me, rubbing my shoulder reassuringly. The gesture caught me by surprise. It should have felt like such a familiar touch, but it made me tense up. I was sure he could feel that, but he didn't let his face show. Instead he grabbed the hood of my cloak, throwing it over my head, before placing his hands in his pockets. Even this little amount of contact was too much for me. It was a strange feeling to realize just how right Daphne had been.
"Would you stop doing that," I half complained, pushing the hood off my head. Draco smiled at me, but I could tell his heart wasn't entirely in it either. I took a breath before speaking again. "But you're right, I suppose. It's not technically cheating. Still, it's not exactly ethical, either."
"Since when do you care about Ethics, Miss 'will casually poison her roomates for the sake of her own curiosity'" Draco criticized, using an unnecessary amount of air quotes.
"First of all, if you're going to insult me, at least make it more concise," I scoffed, making him give me a chuckle. "Second of all, I don't poison them. They're still very much alive, aren't they?"
"That's a low bar, and you know it. Besides, if you've taught me anything, it's that poisons don't always lead to death," Draco called with a self satisfied smirk on his face. I should stop trying to teach him things if it's just going to make him arrogant. Still, I couldn't help but giggle at his expression.