Disclaimer: Not mine.
Chapter 34 Baby Sitting: Not Just A Job But An Adventure
Children seldom misquote. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. Author Unknown
Snape smirked as he opened the door to his quarters. There were some definite perks involved in having an assistant. While Darien was marking papers and supervising detention, Snape was going to be enjoying a quiet evening alone with his wife and sons. The blast of noise that greeted him as he entered the sitting room quickly and rudely shoved that pleasant thought out of his head. The sight of their father distracted the twins enough that they lowered the decibel of their crying a notch and made a beeline for his ankles.
Stooping, Snape lifted each boy into his arms where they nestled their tear stained faces against his neck and proceeded to wipe their snotty noses on his robes. Snape grimaced in resigned distaste, now quite used to disgusting baby messes. He had given out a record number of detentions and had almost had Gryffindor in negative house points the day he had unknowingly gone to class with porridge in his hair and down the back of his robes. He had stopped complaining to Alexis when she had pointed out that the baby messes were really no different than all the nasty potion messes he dealt with on a daily basis and to just suck it up and cast a cleaning charm on himself before leaving each morning.
Now that the boys had stopped crying he could hear the sound of Alexis in the nursery. Stepping over to the doorway Snape stared in disbelief, it looked as if a herd of nifflers had gone on a rampage. Alexis was on her hands and knees with her head stuck under the cribs sobbing so that Snape couldn't understand a word of what was gushing from her mouth, "Alexis," he tried to get her attention. When that didn't work he cautiously picked his way through the debris that had once been a pristine nursery, "Alexis?" he tried a little louder.
Alexis jumped bumping her head against the underside of the crib and letting out a muffled oath of "Bloody Hell!"
Nathair took that moment to giggle at his father, "Luddy 'ell."
Snape closed his eyes and counted to ten. When he heard Aleser giggle out a "Luddy 'ell," of his own he counted to twenty. Opening his eyes he found that Alexis had crawled out from under the bed and was rubbing her head distractedly. Her eyes widened in horror at seeing Snape. Snape was used to seeing that expression when people noticed his presence: just not on his wife's face.
"Severus, what are you doing in here? You didn't step on her did you? Oh how could you be so careless? What if you smushed her?" Alexis was practically in tears at this point, "How am I going to tell Amber and Remus that I lost their daughter and then you stepped on her and smushed her?" This last came out as a wail, "Severus lift up your feet and check the bottom of your shoes and see if you stepped on Cynthia," Alexis ordered frantically.
Severus stared down at his wife, "Alexis take a deep breath and calm down," he instructed her firmly, "now tell me exactly what is going on."
"I don't have time for that," Alexis said irritably, "if you did step on Cynthia, we need to scrap her off the bottom of your shoe and take her to Poppy and see if she can fix her. NOW LIFT UP YOUR BLOODY FOOT!" she yelled loudly causing Nathair and Aleser to giggle.
"LUDDY 'ELL!" came at Snape in stereo at the top of the twin's not inconsiderable lungs.
"Just what have you been teaching the boys?" Alexis said aghast that her two sweet babies should be learning such language from their father, "Never mind just show me the bottom of your shoe. If you won't check them I'm going to have to do it for you," Alexis reached for her wand.
Snape eyed his distraught wife and slowly lifted one foot trying to balance on one leg and hold the twins at the same time.
Alexis breathed a huge sigh of relief, "That one is clean. Now lift the other."
Snape started to put his left foot down so he could lift up his right foot and let Alexis check that shoe when a screech of outrage stopped him, "What do you think you are doing?"
"I am trying to lift my foot so you can check my bl…shoe," he hissed out censoring his original sentence.
"Well don't put down your foot!" Alexis demanded unreasonably, "You didn't step on her but what if she has moved and you put your foot down on her now and smush her!"
Snape just glared at his wife, "Then what do you suggest?" he wobbled dangerously as he tried to maintain his balance and hold the now squirming twins.
"You're a wizard do something," Alexis decreed.
"In case it has escaped your notice," he hissed quietly, "I am trying to hold onto our sons. Just how do you expect me to use magic while balancing on one leg holding two squirming boys?"
Alexis thought about it for a long minute while Snape continued to balance on one leg like some great black stork. "Ok, you can put that foot down exactly where you lifted it from and I'll check the bottom of your other shoe. But make sure it is exactly where you had it before," Alexis ordered.
Snape nodded curtly so relieved that he could finally stop this bizarre balancing act that he refrained from making any of the snide comments that had been running through his head while he waited on Alexis to make her decision. He did mentally file them away though; with a little editing he could use them on his students.
Carefully raising his other shoe for her inspection he almost dropped the boys as she screamed in horror, "Bloody Hell you did step on her Severus!"
The twins once again giggled and chorused in a sing song chant, "Luddy 'ell! Luddy 'ell!"
Alexis was maniacally looking around, "What can we use to get her off your shoe? Oh my, what can I scrap her onto? What am I going to do? Severus, Poppy will be able to fix her?" she anxiously questioned her husband and without waiting for an answer, "DON'T PUT YOUR SHOE DOWN! You might hurt her further!"
"Alexis I don't believe I have stepped on Cynthia," he said in what he thought was a reasonable tone of voice.
"Well then mister, you just check out the bottom of your shoe and tell me what that is if it isn't the remains of your goddaughter?" Alexis demanded before bursting into tears.
Snape took a deep breath and maneuvered until he could see the bottom of his shoe. After a careful perusal he gave her a disgusted look and then began to wipe his shoe on the paper she had set out to catch the remains.
"Severus," she screeched, "how can you treat her like that? No! Stop! Let me get her."
"Alexis," he gritted out, "it is dried toad brains and bits of rat spleen. Longbottom dropped a jar of each in class today."
"Are you sure?" she questioned him fiercely.
"Of course I am sure, now will you please calm down and tell me exactly what happened?"
Alexis rubbed her hands tiredly over her eyes, "I was watching Cynthia for Remus and Amber and one minute she was in the crib with Nathair, Aleser and Aniya's babies and the next she was gone," Alexis looked up at Snape, "Amber warned me that with her new powers she might change into a puppy or a wolf cub but there is no way anything as large as a puppy could have hidden from me." Alexis was absently rubbing her wrist where Aniya was once again residing, "I've looked everywhere. Severus, you don't think someone could have sneaked into the nursery and stolen her…do you?" she asked fearfully.
"Alexis, with all the wards and with Aniya's babies in the crib I really don't see that as a possibility," Snape reassured her. He wanted to perform his own search but with his arms full of the twins he wasn't sure he should risk moving around and maybe stepping on whatever Cynthia had decided to change into. "Where have you looked?"
"Everywhere," she wailed casting her hands up in the air, "I even have Star and Slinky helping me look. They are in the bedroom and the bathroom in case she managed to make it out there. I asked Aniya to help but she refused to leave my wrist and the babies just kept hissing 'here, here, here'. They were just no help at all. You don't think she could have changed into a mouse and snuck out? Oh No! What if Mrs. Norris ate her? Severus we have to find her before Mrs. Norris does." Alexis looked as if she were about to burst into tears, "Severus, what type of mother am I that I lost a baby?"
"Alexis you are a good mother," Snape tried to reassure her, "Cynthia is a special case with her being an animorphmagus. You know Darien and I have been working on a potion to try and help Amber and Remus control her changes without interfering with her development. We have even asked Flitwick to see if there isn't some type of charm that might work."
Alexis sniffed a few times and then nodded, "I'm so sorry Severus I just can't seem to get my emotions under control lately."
An idea occurred to him and he leaned down, "Here Alexis, hold the boys," Snape handed her Aleser and Nathair and pulled his wand from his robes, "Accio Cynthia," holding out his hand.
Alexis watched as a wriggling little green asp no bigger than an angel worm zoomed through the air to land in his outstretched hand, "Severus you are a genius," she jumped to her feet the relief evident on her face, "Why didn't I think of that? I don't know what is wrong with me lately," Alexis, "Severus if you wouldn't mind," she nodded at the crib, and then continued after he charmed it to rights, "I can't seem to hold a thought for longer than a minute and yesterday I fell asleep in my office waiting on a student to keep an appointment and every time I try to practice my Animagus form, Aniya stops me," she placed the toddlers back in their crib and reached for the box where she had put the rest of Aniya's offspring. She hissed at them in Parseltongue before releasing them into the crib with the boys.
"Should you really be doing that?" Snape questioned, "I mean Aniya's children are rather young to be guardians. Are you sure they are fully trained?"
"Hmmm? Oh, yes, Aniya and I had a long talk and her children are bound to our children and could no more hurt them than she could hurt either of us. In fact she told me that the magic that binds us makes us immune to their poison. So even if one of her babies accidentally nicks one of ours, it won't hurt either of them," Alexis reassured him.
Turning to survey the damage to the room, Alexis groaned and pulled her wand out and cast a cleaning charm. A couple of toys flopped over and a stray sock flew into the fireplace. "What is wrong with me?" Alexis gritted out through clenched teeth, casting the charm again and again only to have one of the stuffed animals explode spraying fluff across the room and causing two more socks to follow the first one into the hearth sending up a shower of sparks.
She tried casting a different charm and the only thing that happened was the room suddenly became cooler and draftier. She looked over at Snape at his snort, "What?"
Looking down she realized that she had banished her robes. Another flick of her wand and she was clothed but the clothing was too big. "Alexis, if you don't mind?" Snape said and Alexis caught a movement from the corner of her eye. Looking over at Snape she found him holding out his hand, standing there in nothing but his socks.
Reaching into the pocket of the robes she was now wearing she extracted his wand. Giving him a naughty smirk, "What's your hurry? Since they are already off…." Alexis noticed that he looked uncomfortable and there was a faint tinge of color in his normally sallow complexion as he made a grab for his wand, "What?"
"The boys and Cynthia are watching," he muttered nodding at the tiny asp that was now wrapped around one of his fingers as he retrieved his wand and flicked his clothes back on. Another flick had Alexis clothed once more.
Alexis shrugged and started to cast another cleaning charm, Snape grabbed her wand before she could do any more damage.
"Why don't you go pour us some wine and sit down and relax while I finish up in here? You should also tell Slinky and Star they can stop searching for Cynthia," he turned her and with a gentle nudge urged her toward the sitting room.
"Yes, Severus," Snape stared after her in shock, he had never heard her so meek and submissive before unless she had been trying to lull him into a false sense of security, maybe a visit to Poppy was in order.
A moment later Slinky popped in and shooed Snape from the room insisting that cleaning was for a house elf and not the master to do.
As Snape came into the sitting room he found Alexis hissing angrily at Aniya as she tried to pour a glass of wine, "What is it?" he asked.
"Aniya won't let me have a glass of wine," Alexis said angrily before continuing to hiss at the snake coiled around her wrist.
"Is it poisoned?" he asked hurrying over to the bar.
"She says the wine is fine, just that I cannot have any," Alexis replied while glaring at Aniya.
"Alexis, why don't you ask her why you cannot drink the wine?" Snape said reasonably.
Alexis looked up at him and blinked a few times before hissing at Aniya. Snape watched concerned as a shocked looked was quickly replaced by a look of delight, "Really? Are you sure?" she questioned the small asp.
"What is it Alexis?" Snape asked impatiently.
"Your potion was a success," Alexis said as if that explained it all.
"Of course my potion was a success," Snape sniffed, "All my potions are successful. Please be more specific."
"Aniya won't let me drink alcohol because we are going to have a baby," Alexis grinned over at him, "does that clarify which potion?"
"Luddy 'ell," Snape snorted.
AN: THANK YOU! THANK YOU! To everyone who sent the nice reviews! It helped kick my muse back into gear. We have both determined to ignore HBP and continue this story.
Mark Darcy: I may have to start a side story for Pookie, he just lends himself to comedy. I do have a few plans for him in the future (rubs hands together in glee and giggles maniacally) but I will try to keep him to a minimum or give him his own story.
JennSmith, Radingsouls4u, Ima Dark Lady, Rahxe, Snitzer, Melissa: Thank you all, you inspire me. Hope everyone likes this chapter. I already have another one I am working on!
Carsonsheir: Thank you for putting my stories on your C2 list.